


Red Five

by JadeLotus (Lotusflower85)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-23 01:03:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 202,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4857269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lotusflower85/pseuds/JadeLotus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Battle of Yavin, Luke meets the only surviving member of the team who stole the Death Star plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Red Five

**0 ABY, Rebel Base, Yavin 4**

Luke had never seen so many people in his life.  The Rebel Base on Yavin 4 was absolutely teeming with souls; ground crew and technicians swarming over the few ships and droids who had returned from the assault on the Death Star, officers racing to meetings and debriefs, and regular personnel cheering and hugging each other in the hallways.  

He’d slipped away with Leia, Han and Chewie, and the Princess had pulled some petty officer away from the celebrations and corralled them into organizing quarters for him.  They’d not bothered before, with Luke changing from his farm clothes into a flightsuit, hopping straight into the X-Wing and flying off to war.  Grimly, he realized that they probably had not expected him to survive.   

But he _had_ survived.  He’d won the whole damn thing, and Luke pushed aside the sadness at all he’d lost in the past few days in order to enjoy the sense of accomplishment.  The adoration of his fellow rebels certainly didn’t hurt - as they traversed the hallways towards his new quarters they kept getting stopped with Luke being greeted, thanked, hugged, cried on and receiving every other kind of relieved and profuse thanks.  Men and women twice his age grasped his hand and shook it firmly, and no one looked at him like he was just some dumb farm kid.  No, he was the man who had saved their lives, and struck a great blow against the Empire.

Later, he would dwell on the losses - not only of his aunt and uncle and Ben, but of his comrades and even the enemy that had been stationed on the Death Star, unable to anticipate that their lives would be ended in the blink of an eye.  Later, he would find out the death count, and have to come to terms with his mass-murder and the price that he had paid so that others would live.  Later, he would cry for Owen and Beru and blame himself, he would try and reach out to Ben in the ether for comfort and find nothing.  Later, he would tire of the constant adoration and wish to become invisible again.    

But for the moment, it felt pretty damn good to be a hero.     

When they reached his new quarters the petty officer gave him some grey fatigues so he could change out of his flightsuit.  The material was worn and soft, so different from the homespun he’d been wearing since birth, the fabric as coarse and durable as the sand.  Fatigues were far from luxurious and yet they were the best thing he’d ever worn, and somehow in them he felt even more the farmboy.   

“They’ll do for now,” Leia said lightly as he stepped out of the ‘fresher in his new clothes.  “We’ll need to find you something else for the ceremony tomorrow.”

“Ceremony?”

Leia smiled indulgently.  “Of course - we’ll have to evacuate soon, but there will be a party tonight, and an official ceremony tomorrow.  I’m sure that Alliance High Command will want to award you all with honors of some kind.”

“That’s nice,” Han said, lounging back against the wall.  “I hope there’s credits to go along with those honors.”

Leia scowled and pierced Han with a glare.  “I’m sure that could be arranged,” she said in a clipped voice.  “You know, Captain Solo, I thought for a moment there was a sliver of generosity in you.”

“There is!” Han insisted a little too forcefully, and to Luke it seemed his earlier interest in the princess had not all been in jest.  “I came back, didn’t I, at great personal cost to myself I might add.”  At his side, Chewbacca gave a small growl that seemed like a chuckle.  “I saved the kid’s butt as well as yours, Princess.”    

Leia glanced over at Luke and they shared a small smile that made his heart feel warm.  Ever since he’d seen her on the hologram, Luke had felt inexplicably drawn to her for reasons that he couldn’t quite explain.  She was beautiful of course, headstrong and confident in a way that Luke admired, and he would never forget the way she’d comforted him in those brief moments on the Falcon after Ben had sacrificed himself.  

“…and I should be gone, out of here like a shot,” Han was still ranting.  “But since I’m so _generous_ , I’ll stick around for a bit.  Not long, though - I’ve still got a debt to pay off.”

Luke crossed the small quarters to take a seat next to Leia on the bunk, nudging her conspiratorially.  “And I’m sure you don’t want to miss being the center of attention tomorrow and getting another reward, huh Han?”  

He scowled in response, crossing his arms over his chest and slouching further back against the wall.  “Look who’s talking, Luke.  You know, I was going to lend you some nice clothes so you wouldn’t look like such a ‘Rimscraper, but perhaps you’d like to get your honors in your farm rags?”

Leia looked Han up and down with clear skepticism.  “ _You_ have nice clothes? she asked.  “Why aren’t you wearing them?”  

They continued in the vein for a while, but eventually the teasing gave way to more serious talk - of the Rebellion, of their own recent histories, their plans for the future.  They skirted the serious topics of the destruction of Alderaan and the death of Luke’s aunt and uncle - he was sure that they would all confide in each other in the days to come, but for now the friendship was still too new.  Leia did tell him what she knew of Ben - how he’d been a Jedi General during the Clone Wars along with Luke’s father.  Apparently, he’d been a great hero, although Leia said with regret her father Bail had never talked about Anakin Skywalker much - Kenobi had been a closer friend.  But Luke drank in the information, trying to reconcile his memories of Ben as a strange hermit and later wise master, with Leia’s tales of battles and bravery.  

Eventually the conversation petered off, and Leia excused herself saying she was required to assist with the evacuation plans.  Han and Chewie stayed for a time after that, and some of Han’s bravado fell away as he told Luke, ruffling his hair, that he was glad he was okay.  But soon they also took their leave to check the Falcon, with a promise they’d see him at the party that night.  

Finally by himself, Luke felt uneasy in the solitude - he’d spent too much of his life alone already.  He wandered through the halls of the base, now less busy, until he found the pilot’s lounge where Wedge Antilles was having a quiet drink.

“Luke!” Wedge called to him gratefully and poured him a generous glass of whiskey.  “Glad you’re here, this place is dead.  Literally.”  He looked forlornly around at the almost empty bar, no doubt thinking of his comrades who had perished in the battle.  

Taking a seat and grasping the whiskey gratefully, Luke took an experimental sip.  It was no less potent than Anchorhead moonshine, but infinitely better tasting; rich and pleasantly tingly on his tongue.  

“To our friends,” Wedge said, raising his glass, and Luke clinked his own against it, saying nothing.  Other than Biggs, he’d barely known the other pilots who’d flown and died on his wing.  “Guess we’re all that’s left, now,” Wedge continued, taking a long drink of whiskey and filling his glass up again.  “Us, and Farlander,” he added on consideration, the surviving Y-Wing pilot of Gold Squadron Luke had met only briefly.  “Oh yeah…and her.”

“Who?” As far as Luke was aware, all of the female pilots had died in the assault.   

“You know how we got the plans to the Death Star in the first place?” Wedge asked, filling up Luke’s glass again.

“Sure, they were stolen,” Luke nodded, taking another sip.  The whiskey was giving him a light buzz, warm in his empty stomach.  “And beamed them to Leia’s ship.”

“They put together a strike team, most of them pilots,” Wedge said.  “They said I was too young, not enough experience, and I guess I should be glad of that now, huh?  They’re all dead except her.”

“Who?” Luke asked again, slightly exasperated.  

Wedge waved a dismissive hand and drowned his whiskey.  “Your predecessor,” he said as he filled up his glass again, and Luke put a hand over his own to stop Wedge from topping it up.  “Red Five.  Helluva fighter - only one of the strike team to survive, but she was half dead when they found her.  Got blinded by a stray blaster bolt, or so they said.”

Luke winced, not wanting to imagine the pain of such an injury.  Ben had taught him to reach out with the Force when blind during the lightsaber exercises on the Falcon, but practice was one thing, and reality was another.       

“Is she here?”  Luke asked, curious now about the woman whose callsign he’d taken.

“What, you want to go see her?” Wedge snorted into his drink as if what he’d said was supremely funny.  Surreptitiously, Luke moved the whiskey bottle out of his reach.

“I thought I might,” Luke shrugged.  “Pay my respects, you know.”    

Wedge threw his head back and laughed.  “You’re a strange one, Luke,” he said between chuckles.  “But yeah, go on,” he waved his hand again.  “Give it your best shot - she’s in the medward, level six.”

Luke drowned the last of his whiskey and stood, nodding to Wedge.  “I’ll see you later.”  He wanted to add _don’t drink too much_ , but thought it wasn’t his place to tell anybody how to grieve.  

Wedge gave him a lazy salute.  “Careful with that one, Luke,” he warned.  “She’s, ah…prickly."


	2. Chapter 2

Luke left the bar and took the time to navigate the way back to his quarters and retrieve his pilot’s helmet. It was beat up and dusty from the battle, and Luke ran his hands over the red stripes down the centre and the twin rebel starbirds on the crown. When he’d been given the helmet and X-Wing to fly, he’d not considered that he was taking the place of another pilot who had been grounded die to injury. When he’d run his hand on the underside of the ship and slipped into the cockpit it had felt so  _right_ , as if the X-Wing had always been sitting in the hangar bay waiting for him to claim it. And yet the scuff marks and dents in the helmet told a different story, and Luke smiled as an idea formed in his mind.   
  
He made his way up to the medbay after getting lost only twice, and entered the sterile white room containing a row of medical beds. Only one was occupied, and there wasn’t a meddroid in sight. Carefully, Luke approached the woman seated upright in the bed, staring unblinking at the wall straight ahead of her. She was perhaps a few years older than him, with dark hair that fell across her forehead and framed the side of her face, with the rest drawn into a messy bun at the nape of her neck. The whites of her eyes were red and bloodshot, with the skin around them bright and blistering, although from the shine a bacta salve had clearly been applied. Despite that she was beautiful, and for a moment Luke’s gaze lingered on her high cheekbones, full lips and vivid green irises which were bright despite the obvious damage.   
  
“So who has come to to see the invalid?” she asked in a clear, crisp voice betraying a Coruscanti accent.   
  
“My name’s Luke Skywalker,” he introduced himself as he approached. “I-”  
  
“Ah, the hero of the hour,” she interrupted him. “Aren’t I lucky.”   
  
“Oh, you know about that?” Luke asked, unable to stop himself smiling.   
  
“News travels fast around here,” she said shortly, her unseeing gaze fixed and unmoving. “If you’re looking for a thank you, go somewhere else.”  
  
Luke’s smile dropped immediately, nervously rocking on the balls of his feet. “I didn’t come here for that.”  
  
“Then why are you here?” she demanded of him. “Go and find some sycophants who will fawn over you, buy you drinks and offer you kriff knows what else. You probably deserve it, but you won’t get any of that from me.”  
  
Luke could see why Wedge had described her as _prickly_. “To be honest, I’m a bit sick of being thanked,” he said, finding that words were true. Although he had enjoyed the attention at first, the constant adoration on his way up to the medbay had begun to grate. “I didn’t do anything more than anyone else,” he told her. “In fact I did less, because they gave their lives and I didn’t.”   
  
She turned towards him slightly, and though he knew she couldn’t see him her unblinking gaze was oddly intense. “I know what you mean,” she said quietly, then stretched out out her hand straight in front of her and Luke shifted slightly so he could shake it. “I’m Valara.” She had a firm, decisive grip that took him somewhat by surprise, and so he held onto her hand for a moment too long before dropping it sheepishly.  
  
“Luke,” he told her.  
  
“I know, remember?” she said dryly, although he thought he saw the corner of her mouth twitch.   
  
“Right,” Luke nodded, realising belatedly that the action was pointless. “Of course.”  
  
“You sound young,” Valara said shortly, and it was impossible to tell whether she was disappointed.   
  
“I’m nineteen,” Luke told her, unsure about whether she’d consider that young or not.   
  
“Nineteen, and the hero of the Rebellion.” Valara shifted uncomfortably in the bed. “How nice.”  
  
“I made a lucky shot, I guess,” Luke shrugged. He’d hadn’t told anyone - not even Leia - of how he’d heard Ben Kenobi’s voice in his head, telling Luke to trust himself. It sounded ridiculous even in his own mind, and he didn’t want the Rebels to think he’d lost his mental faculties and stop him flying.  
  
“A one in a million shot, or so I heard.” Valara was staring at him again, and Luke felt the hair raise at the back of his neck. He had the disconcerting feeling that she could somehow perceive him, even though she could not see. “It’s unusual for a pilot to claim luck instead of skill - I certainly wouldn’t if I’d made that shot. Where you from, Skywalker?”  
  
“Tatooine.”  
  
“Never heard of it.”  
  
“I’m not surprised,” Luke said, and perched himself on the side of her bed.   
  
“Did I say you could sit?” she snapped, her whole body tensing and Luke moved cautiously back to his feet.   
  
“Sorry.”  
  
Valara sighed. “I just...like my personal space,” she explained, gently touching her temple where the skin was covered in angry red welts. “Especially...you know.”  
  
Luke understood - they’d been times in the X-Wing when he hadn’t been able to see ships approaching in his blind spot, and knew the panic such uncertainty could cause. “They said you helped get the Death Star plans,” he said, trying a different track.  
  
Valara huffed, her mouth creasing with obvious displeasure. “Who told you that?”  
  
“Wedge Antilles.”  
  
“Yeah, Antilles would say I helped,” Valara said snippishly. “I _lead_  the team, Skywalker.”  
  
Luke didn’t doubt it. “Well, I hope you’ve been thanked.”  
  
Valara tilted her head, fixing him again with her unseeing gaze. “They sent some grunt to give me a commendation - but to be honest visitors have been few and far between.”  
  
“What, with the warm welcome you give them?” Luke teased. “I don’t believe it.”  
  
“Ha.” Valara almost smiled. “No one wants to talk to the blind girl. Except you...the man who finished what I started.”  
  
“It seems we make a good team,” Luke said, and finally won a smile from her.   
  
“I wish I’d been in that trench with you,” Valara said wistfully. Luke wanted to say that he wouldn’t have wished the experience on anyone - comrades being picked off one by one around him, the heat of blaster fire searing his hull, almost losing Artoo, Vader breathing down his neck, his dark presence cold like death...  
  
Luke pinched his arm to snap himself out of the memory. “I heard you had plenty of excitement getting the plans to begin with,” he said, eager to change the subject.   
  
“You could say that,” Valara gave him a wry smile. “And got a blaster shot in the face for my troubles.”  
  
Luke winced, his eyes drawn once again the scaled skin around her eyes. Despite her churlish greeting, he felt strangely drawn to her - as if they shared some kind of affinity yet to be discovered.   
  
“It could have been worse,” Valara continued with a shrug. “Although it’s just my luck to get the helmet with the faulty blast shield.”  
  
“Speaking of which,” Luke held out the helmet he’d brought with him and pressed it into her hands. “I think this belongs to you.”  
  
She traced the marks and grooves, as if recognising it by touch. “I used to be Red Five,” she said softly. “The group that went after the Death Star plans was picked from a few different squads, and the mission wasn’t officially sanctioned, you see. We were rogues.”  
  
“Rogue Squadron,” Luke grinned to himself. “I like that.”   
  
“You keep this,” she held the helmet back out at him, her voice wavering. “It’s no use to me anymore.”  
  
“But surely...with bacta treatments?” Luke stumbled over the words, not exactly sure how to express himself. Valara seemed to understand, and she just sighed and shook her head unhappily.   
  
“My sight will come back eventually. But it will never be 100%.” She lightly touched the scalded skin around her eyes again and winced. “They’ll never let me fly an X-Wing again, that’s for sure.”  
  
“I’m sorry.” Luke had only flown in the snub fighter once, but he couldn’t imagine being told he’d never be able to again. It was something he didn’t even  _want_  to imagine.   
  
“I want you to keep my old callsign,” Valara said, and again pushed the helmet into his hands until he took it back. “And this - just get a new blast shield.”  
  
“Are you sure?” Luke asked, seeing that she was deeply upset even through her aloof pretense.   
  
“Yes,” she said shortly. “You can have my blessing if it will alleviate your guilt. Now you can go.”   
  
Luke put the helmet aside on an empty chair and held his ground. “I don’t have anywhere else better to be,” he said, absently looking up at the fluorescent lighting that glared down on them. “Are you alright with these lights?” he asked, unsure why the meddroids hadn’t turned them down or put bandages over Valara’s eyes.   
  
“I’m fine,” she said shortly. “I’m not going to sit here in the dark feeling sorry for myself.”  
  
“So you’ve been sitting here with the lights on feeling sorry for yourself?”  
  
“I have not!” she protested forcefully.   
  
“ _No one wants to talk to the blind girl_ ,” he affected her crisp accent and tone perfectly.  
  
She reached out and slapped him on the arm. “Shut up, Skywalker,” she said, but couldn’t hide her amusement.   
  
“Okay, okay,” he raised his hands in mock defeat and grinned, pleased to have punctured her steely countenance.   
  
“The sooner I can acclimatise to the light again, the sooner my sight will come back,” she looked up at the ceiling and squinted as if her recovery would be accelerated through sheer willpower.  
  
Luke didn’t know much about medicine, but to him that hardly sounded like a good idea. Old Mari Sandskimmer had gone blind in her old age, and she always said the twin suns just made it worse. “Don’t you think-”  
  
“I know what I can handle Skywalker,” she cut him off, in an instant her smile turning back into a scowl. She turned away, as if expecting him to have had enough abuse and simply leave, but Luke was not so easily cowed.   
  
“Where are you from, Valara?” he asked lightly, “that you learned such fine manners?”  
  
“Coruscant,” she said, her gaze still askew, although Luke could see that she bit down on her lower lip to keep from smiling. It seemed she liked to be teased - perhaps no one else ever had the courage to do so. His gaze lingered on the curve of her neck and the way the corner of her mouth creased. He wasn’t quite sure why he was so adamant about staying - perhaps he felt a kinship with her, since he’d flown her ship into battle and it had brought him home safely. Perhaps it was something else entirely.   
  
“In the orphanages they teach you to follow orders, not to be polite,” she added, her face still turned away.   
  
Suddenly her behaviour made a lot more sense, and Luke moved instinctively closer. “I’m an orphan, too,” he told her. “I was raised by my aunt and uncle, though - I guess I was lucky.”  
  
“There’s that word luck again,” she said, and briefly Luke recalled Ben saying there was no such thing. “You got lucky being raised by family and making that shot on the Death Star - I was unlucky by being born alone and getting shot in the face. Is that how life works?”  
  
“No,” Luke conceded, seeing her point. “So how did you end up in the Rebellion?”   
  
Valara sighed, and for a moment Luke thought she wouldn’t answer, but eventually she began to speak. “The orphanages feed right into the military academies and no one has a choice about it,” she said, her voice soft and sad. “Not that you’d choose otherwise at that age, with Imperial propaganda pumped into you practically from birth. They give you a different name, close enough to your own to feel familiar, but still a reminder that you’re theirs, that they own you.” Her mouth twisted bitterly, and at the back of his mind Luke felt - something - almost as if he could somehow feel her sour memory. The skin around her eyes crinkled, and she hissed in pain and finally blinked. Luke wondered if tears had tried to form in her seared ducts, and instead had burned her again.   
  
“How did you escape?” Luke asked. Biggs had jumped ship from the Imperial Academy fairly easily, it seemed, but he guessed that absconding from Coruscant would be slightly more perilous that from some ‘Rim outpost.  
  
“It’s a long story.”  
  
Luke shrugged. “I’ve got time.”  
  
Valara pursed her lips, and Luke saw that he’d touched a raw nerve. “Tell you what, Red Five,” she said, turning her unseeing eyes back to him. “I promise I’ll tell you all about it one day.”  
  
He was happy to leave it at that, and pleased with the implication that they would be spending more time together. “Are you going to the celebrations?” he asked, checking his chrono and seeing that they would be starting soon.   
  
Valara sniffed and looked away again. “What’s the point? I can’t even walk around by myself.”  
  
“I’ll help you,” Luke suggested.   
  
“You’ll be stuck with me all night,” Valara said shortly.   
  
Luke kicked his toe against the side of the bed sheepishly. “Yeah...”  
  
Valara smiled, her face lighting up with a beautiful warmth that made his stomach flip-flop - she flashed hot and cold, but that only made Luke more determined to figure her out.   
  
“Alright then,” she held out her hand so he could grasp it and help her out of the bed. She was slightly unsteady on her feet, and Luke’s arm grasped her around the waist, holding her firm and helping her walk.   
  
“Not too much in your personal space?” he asked softly into her ear, surprised at how husky his voice was.   
  
“A little,” she whispered back, leaning further into him. “But that’s okay.”


	3. Chapter 3

He lead her down to one of the halls where there were already hundreds of people milling about, and no one seemed to care that Valara still wore her white medclothes. Wedge found them first, and he glanced at where Luke and Valara’s hands were clasped and their arms hooked in together, and gave him a slow shake of his head. Still, he was smiling, and he and Valara exchanged a few good-natured insults before he procured them each a bottle of ale.  
  
“You probably shouldn’t have any,” he warned her. “Not with all those painkillers, but I know you can’t make it through the day without one, so…”  
  
Valara looked as if she would’ve rolled her eyes if it didn’t hurt so much, but accepted the ale with her free hand and took a long swig. “Too bad they can’t give me a painkiller to make  _you_  go away.”  
  
“Ha,” Wedge laughed sarcastically. “Thankfully, there’s no need for me.” He slapped Luke on the back. “Since I see Luke here’s been roped into charity duty.”  
  
Luke wanted to interject and point out that it wasn’t the case since he’d practically forced Valara to come, but it didn’t feel right to intrude on their ribbing - they were squad mates, after all. Well, former squad mates.  
  
“And who is on charity duty for you, Antilles?” Valara asked lazily, craning her head as if she was looking over at the bar. “I’m sure there are some floozies over there who might just get drunk enough to take you home.”  
  
Wedge gave her a lazy salute, and Luke wasn’t sure if he’d forgotten her blindness or was just mocking her. “As always, Valara, it’s been a thin slice of heaven.” He slapped Luke on the back again and then gave him a warning look. “I’ll see you later, Luke. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”  
  
Luke watched Wedge indeed approach the men and women taking shots at the bar, and turned back to Valara curiously. “What do you think he meant by that?”  
  
Valara laughed and shifted closer. “I think he meant don’t do  _anyone_  he wouldn’t do.”   
  
Feeling his face flush, Luke squeezed her hand a little tighter but was unsure of how to respond. He took a long drink from his ale before changing the subject to the safe topic of flying, with Valara more that willing to tell him the history of the X-Wing he had inherited from her.   
  
Occasionally people would approach to engage him in conversation or give him a congratulatory pat on the back, but most seemed reluctant to linger, giving a nervous glance at Valara before turning away - he was unsure whether that was because they were uncomfortable with her blindness, or whether she had more of a reputation than Wedge let on.   
  
“You aren’t getting as much attention as you should,” Valara pointed out after some time, mirroring his thoughts. “Am I scaring them away?”  
  
“Probably,” Luke squeezed her hand. “I should take you with me everywhere.”   
  
Valara laughed lightly, and Luke found himself only enjoying her company, now that he seemed to have gotten past her hard-edges. One person unafraid to approach was Leia, who breezed over still wearing her white gown, evidently having come directly from leadership meetings.   
  
“Valara,” Leia greeted her warmly with a light touch on the arm. “I was so happy to hear they’d found you.”  
  
Valara stiffened slightly and she dropped Luke’s hand, straightening her back as if drawing herself to attention. “I’m just glad you received the transmission...I’m sorry about Alderaan.”  
  
It was Leia’s turn to flinch and Luke’s instinct was to reach out and comfort her, and yet she retained her outward composure. “Yes,” she said after a brief pause. “But tomorrow we can mourn our losses - tonight we should celebrate our successes.”  
  
Conveniently, Han arrived with a fresh tray of drinks, and they all took one gratefully, sipping in silence for a few moments. As deftly as he could, Luke took Valara’s hand again, although of course Han noticed immediately and smirked into his drink. The conversation turned into a gauntlet with Han who was a never-ending source of innuendo and jest, with Leia sharply rebuking him every now and then to leave Luke alone. At first Valara simply seemed amused and gave as good as Han did, but after a while Luke observed her face become pinched and her body language uncomfortable.   
  
“Are you alright?” he asked her quietly. “Are you in pain?”  
  
“No,” Valara squirmed a little self-consciously. “I just really need to pee.”  
  
“Oh.” Luke’s face flushed, unsure if he should offer to take her but the thought made him uncomfortable for both their sakes.   
  
Thankfully Leia tapped his arm and disengaged it from Valara’s. “I’ll take her,” she said, and once again Luke was grateful for her taking charge. He watched Leia lead Valara through the crowd, as attentive and careful as any nursedroid would be, and tried to ignore Han’s knowing glare. After a few moments Wedge sidled up to them again with fresh ales and a smirk.   
  
“So…” Wedge was clearly trying but failing to sound nonchalant. “You two have hit it off.”  
  
“Yeah, you move fast, Kid,” Han patted him on the back. “I’m impressed, she’s got a fortress ‘round her that would rival Jabba’s.”  
  
Luke shrugged. “I like her,” he said plaintively as he took a sip of his ale. “Is that so hard to believe?”  
  
“You should just…” Wedge sighed and looked uncomfortable. “You should know what you’re getting into with her.”  
  
“And what’s that?”  
  
Wedge eyed him. “Other than the fact she’s generally an unpleasant person to be around?”  
  
“I don’t believe that,” Luke told him. “You were just joking around with her, she can’t be that terrible.”  
  
“Yeah,” Wedge shrugged. “We’re teammates, but I wouldn’t call us friends - I don’t think she has any, keeps to herself mostly. She’ll have a drink with you, gamble with you, joke with you, but none of us really  _know_  her, at least not the way you should know someone who is flying on your wing.”  
  
Luke didn’t answer, and looked to Han for his opinion. The smuggler hadn’t exactly been a pleasant person to begin with either, but Luke had sensed there was more to him, and he’d been right. He felt the same way about Valara. Well, he corrected himself, not _quite_  the same way.   
  
“You know, at first they thought she was a spy,” Wedge said in between long sips of his ale. “They watched her for years, never really trusting her - a lot of people still have doubts.”  
  
“Why?” Luke frowned. “Surely most of the Rebellion is made up from Imperial defectors.”  
  
“Yeah, but none of them were part of the Emperor’s inner circle.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Luke asked, unsettled by the serious turn in the conversation.  
  
“Have you ever heard of the Inquisitors?”  
  
“No,” Luke said, but saw Han wince. “Who are they?”  
  
“The best and brightest from the Academies, the Imps with the most zeal and the least scruples,” Wedge explained. “They’re the Emperor’s personal spies and assassins - Rebel hunters.”   
  
Luke pondered this for a moment - Valara had told him that her past was a long story, but she certainly hadn’t tried to conceal it. He thought it was no wonder she made no effort to be nice to her comrades - most of them probably still thought she was a spy.   
  
“Surely she’s proven herself now,” he argued. “She’s a hero.”  
  
“Yeah, sure,” Wedge shrugged, and took another swig of his ale. “But think about it this way, Luke. She’s a rude, blind former Imperial who doesn’t like being ordered about by anybody - bein’ pretty doesn’t make up for that. You’re a fresh-faced farm kid who will smile and shake hands and do what you’re told to advance the cause - who do you think the bosses are going to want to put in the propaganda?”  
  
The alcohol was starting to make Luke’s brain go a bit fuzzy, and he didn’t really know why he was having such an intense conversation at what was meant to be a celebration. He didn’t care what Valara’s past was - what  _anyone’s_  past was - he cared about the future, and he trusted his instincts.   
  
“I know what Wedge’s saying, Kid,” Han chimed in, putting a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “Just be careful, and don’t run into things too fast. Have fun, if you like, but don’t get yourself involved in other people’s problems - I know that’s hard for you, but not everyone needs saving.”  
  
“I think you should both take your own advice,” Luke said hotly, not willing to be coddled. “And stay out of it.” He stalked over to where Leia was leading Valara back across the room and took her hand back, placing it back in the crook of his arm.   
  
“I think we should dance,” he told Valara firmly, and lead her over to the floor where numerous couples were already moving to the music. To her credit Leia just gave him an encouraging smile and a nod before flittering off to engage a tall blonde-haired woman in conversation.   
  
“I love to dance,” Valara said wistfully as she put her arms around his, and he didn’t feel the need to pry further. They moved slowly to the music, even though its was fast-paced pronk and the couples around them were moving their feet and flailing their arms frantically. The lights dimmed, leaving the room lit only by the blue and green flashing illuminums which swept across the crowd. The darkness made him bold, and Luke held Valara close, his hands splayed gently across her back as they swayed side to side. Although her eyes were vacant and unseeing, she turned her face upwards towards him, and it almost felt as is she could see him, or was looking into him through some unknown power.   
  
“Have you ever kissed a girl, Skywalker?” she asked him softly.  
  
Luke was grateful she couldn’t see him blushing. “Not in any way that counted.”  
  
Valara smiled and bit her lip in the most enticing way Luke had ever seen. He felt a tug in his gut, so different a feeling from when he looked at Leia; it was more immediate, primal and base, and like nothing Luke had ever felt before.   
  
Gently, Valara’s touch began to skirt his skin, first gliding over the back of his neck, and then up to his face. She traced his features and Luke swallowed heavily, her feather-light touch tickling his sensitive skin as she tried to divine him. Then she gently cupped the sides of his face, drawing him down until her lips met his. Luke’s arms tightened around her, falling into the kiss as if it was his destiny, his eyes fluttering closed until all he could feel was his lips sliding against hers, her arms around his neck and the warmth of her body pressed against his.   
  
When he reluctantly pulled away Luke was breathless, and he pressed his forehead against Valara’s as happiness flooded through him. He felt her fingers tease the back of his neck, twining in his hair and sending tingles down his spine.  
  
“Let’s get out of here,” Valara whispered, her hand running down his arm lightly.  
  
“Alright,” Luke smiled nervously, unsure of what she was suggesting but just as anxious to be rid of an audience. “I’ll take you back to the medward.”  
  
“No,” Valara shook her head. “I can’t bear to go back there tonight. Take me to your room.”


	4. Chapter 4

Luke tried to temper his expectations as they walked the stone hallways back to his quarters, his hand clammy on Valara’s back and his heart beating fast.  The whole way he ran his options over in his mind for when they reached his room - should he offer to make her a cup of caf, try and engage her in deeper conversation - or perhaps be bold and try and kiss her again?  

Luckily when they got there he found he didn’t need to make a decision, since as soon as the door slid closed behind them Valara pressed her lips to his again and drew him close.  The kiss was fiercer than the one they’d shared on the dance floor, and Luke melted into it, feeling a pleasurable leap in his belly when she slipped her tongue into his mouth.  He responded eagerly, his hands running over her shoulders and back, pulling her flush against him and wondering how he’d gotten so lucky.

Valara’s deft hands began to unbutton his grey jacket, and Luke had the presence of mind to pull away.  “Wait,” he stopped her, the words spilling from his mouth.  “Is this...wrong?”

“Why?” she asked with a teasing smile.  “Because I’m blind and you’re a virgin?”

Luke flushed again.  “Because we hardly know each other.”

Valara shrugged.  “It’s up to you, Luke,” she told him, looking up at him with her sightless gaze.  “I don’t know if things are different out in the ‘Rim, but here in the Rebellion we could die any day - all of us almost died today, and that makes you want to take a bit of pleasure where you can get it.”  Her hand on his chest slipped inside his jacket and ran sinuously down his torso.  “To be honest, it’s been a long time since I’ve liked anyone enough to want to do this.”

Luke felt all his blood rush downward at her words.  “Really?”  No girl had ever shown such interest in him, and if it had been anyone else he might have thought it was the thrill of being with the man who’d blown up the Death Star driving her.  But even in the brief few hours he’d known her Luke had sensed that she was different - she was forward enough that if it was just about status she would have told him so.  But she’d shown him a softer side evidently no one else had seen, had said she liked him, and Luke believed her.

Valara bit her lip in that enticing way again, and Luke wondered if she had any idea how wild it drove him - perhaps she did, and that’s why she’d done it.  He remembered Han’s words - have fun - and Luke couldn’t see why he shouldn’t.  He captured her lips again, kissing her far more boldly and even allowing his hand to stray down to her rear and squeeze it softly.  She laughed with surprise and delight into his mouth, and quickly undid the rest of the clasps on his jacket, stripping it off and throwing it to the floor.  

“Just promise me something,” Valara whispered in between kisses, her hands running lightly over his bare arms.

“What?”

“That you know what this is,” she told him, pulling away slightly.  “Promise me you won’t get attached.”

Luke nodded, and then remembered that she couldn’t see him.  “I promise," he told her, although his eyes were fixed on her lips plumped up from his kiss.  He may be a ‘Rim yokel, but Luke caught on quickly, and he understood she wasn’t offering him any more than that night.  He kissed her again, and as he pressed himself against her Luke felt his pants become uncomfortably tight.  Valara’s hands skimmed down his arms again and then over his torso, pulling the grey top out from the band of his pants and slipping underneath.  His member jumped at the proximity of her touch, and he breathed in sharply as her cool hands caressed the skin of his stomach.  She pushed the fabric of his top up over his chest, and Luke helped her discard it.  

The fact that she couldn’t see him made him less self-conscious, and Valara took her time feeling his chest and torso as his breathing quickened.  He longed to touch her in return, but was unsure of what she wanted.  Thankfully she again took charge, taking a break from exploring him to untie the sash at her waist and push her robe back over her shoulders, allowing it to flutter to the floor.  Then she removed the baggy white medshirt underneath, drawing it over her head and revealing her breasts to him.  

Luke couldn’t help but stare, her breasts round and full with dusky-pink nipples standing to attention.  His mouth felt dry and his pants were tighter than ever, that shiver down his spine turning into a red-hot lance of desire.   

“Touch me, Luke,” Valara said throatily, taking his hand and placing it on her breast.  Luke cupped it with his palm and squeezed gently, delighted at her sharp intake of breath.  He ran his thumb over her nipple which made her moan and push her chest into him, so he did it again, fascinated by her reaction.  Her eyes fluttered closed as Luke caressed her other breast the same way, and he watched her chest rise and fall with each panting breath as he began to throb and ache for similar attention.  Her eyes still closed, Valara reached out for him, palming his hardness through his pants.

“Oh, please,” he whispered, not caring if it sounded pathetic.  “Valara, please.”  

She obliged, unbuttoning his trousers, and Luke sighed with relief as his erection sprang free.  His hands moved up from her breasts to caress and knead her shoulders, encouraging her to move into his embrace.

When she ran her hand down his length Luke almost came immediately, and he bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself.  He’d only ever touched himself before, his mind conjuring up dream-women, and the sensation was so different, so much better.  Valara caressed him almost reverently, tracing him with her fingers as if trying to see him through her touch.  

“Like what you feel?” he asked in a moment of boldness.  

Valara gave him a pleased smile as she grasped him more firmly.  “Absolutely - do you?”  She began to move her hand up and down his shaft.

“Yes,” he hissed through his teeth.  “But…”

“It’s alright, Luke,” she whispered.  “Just let go.”  She licked the palm of her hand and then returned it to his shaft, the slick friction all too much, the pressure building far too quickly and threatening to bubble over.  His eyes were on her breasts again, rising and falling with each breath she took, and when he looked back up at her face and saw her bite her lower lip it sent him over the edge.  He came with a shuddering cry, his head falling down onto her waiting shoulder and his arms embracing her tightly, overwhelmed by the release and a little embarrassed it had been so quick.  

But when he had the presence of mind to pull away, he saw Valara was smiling, looking pleased with herself.  She crouched down and felt around for her discarded shirt, using it to wipe away the fluid on her hands and stomach where he’d come on her.  

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, and she laughed.

“Get used to it, Red Five,” she teased him as she stood up again and threw aside the stained shirt.  “Sex is messy.”

But Luke was overwhelmed with affection for her and the pleasure and care she'd given him. He  gently took her face in his hands and pressed his lips to the raw skin under her eyes and didn't even mind the sour taste of bacta.  Valara flinched.  

“Does that hurt?” he asked as he kissed gently around her eyes.

“No,” she breathed.  “It feels…”  She pulled on his hands, drawing his face down and kissing him fiercely.  Luke’s apprehension had faded away, and he cupped her breast again, massaging it more firmly and was gratified when Valara moaned into his mouth.  His fingers drifted down over her stomach, tickling the skin as he went and making her shiver, then untied the drawstring of her pants and pushed them down to the floor.  Luke paused, steeling himself before he hooked his thumbs around her underwear and slowly pulled them over her hips and down her legs until she stepped out of them.  He remained kneeling on the floor for a moment, caressing her calves and leaning forward to press a kiss to her knee.  Valara’s hand clutched his hair as he kissed his way up her thigh and paused at the juncture of her hip - he knew what he wanted to do, but wasn’t exactly sure how to go about it.

“Take me to the bed,” Valara whispered, tugging slightly on his hair and urging to him to stand.  Luke obliged, and in a flash of inspiration pulled Valara up and into his arms, cradling her against his chest as she gave a surprised laugh.  He carried her across the small room and lay her gently on the single bunk against the wall, taking a moment to appreciate her fully naked form.  She was beautiful; her dark hair which had come loose from the bun and fell haphazardly around her shoulders, her smooth pale skin marked by the occasional scar, her pert breasts  and slender hips, the patch of dark curls at the apex of her thighs.  It took Luke’s breath away - he still couldn’t believe that she was real, and that she wanted him.  And yet his release had made him calm and bold, and he divested himself of his pants and boots as quickly as possible before joining her in the bunk.   

He kissed her long and deep, taking his time for caress her skin, her smooth back, her breasts, and finally dipping his hand between her thighs.  She was wet, her damp heat coating his fingers as he explored her, his eyes on her face to see what gave her the most pleasure.  When she gasped and keened into him Luke knew he’d found the right spot, and he touched her there again, grinning when she moaned and bit her lip.  

"They said you flew my X-Wing with barely any practice at the controls," she said breathlessly. "I believe it."

"I'm a fast learner," he grinned as he stroked her, confidence building. Valara bent her knee upwards to give him greater access, and Luke probed her opening, slipping two experimental fingers inside her.

"Oh!" she cried out as he withdrew his fingers and then thrust them in again. "You certainly know how to hit a target."

"I aim to please." Luke muttered, his eyes again drifting to her breasts and her hard nipples begging to be tasted.  He bent down and sucked on one pink peak, laving it with his tongue as he rubbed his fingers inside of her and she let out a high pitched cry. Luke felt himself harden again, pressing closer to her and grinding his erection against her hip. Valara's hands were in his hair, grasping him closer and encouraging him with soft words, telling him how much she liked it. His thumb found her nub again and Valara bucked against him, tugging upwards on his hair until his lips met hers again, their tongues sliding messily against each other.

"I want you inside of me now," she whispered against his mouth, as her hand skimmed down his stomach to grasp his shaft again. Luke was eager to oblige, shifting his body over hers as she parted her legs to accommodate them.   He lifted himself up on his hands, transfixed by the beautiful woman beneath him, and bucked against her hand, trying to drive himself home. Valara squirmed under him, tilting her hips upward and guiding him with her hand until he was pressed against her entrance. 

With a slow thrust, Luke pushed himself inside, her wet heat tightly encasing him and sending all his nerve endings aflame. It was so much better than he'd ever imagined, and for a moment Luke stilled, determined not to come so quickly this time. He looked down at Valara, her eyes closed and her breasts heaving, and he bent down to gently brush his lips against hers.

Her hands rested gently on his rear, and she pushed against him, urging him to move.  "That's it," she moaned when he did. "Oh, just like that, Luke."  He moved slowly at first, watching the pleasure dance across her face each time he thrust into her, feeling his own desire build at a much more measured pace than before.  Valara arched her back, and Luke leaned down to suck on her nipple again as he sunk deeper inside of her.

"Harder," she moaned, squeezing his rear.  "You're not going to hurt me."  

Valara lifted up her legs towards her chest and tugged on his arm. He took the hint and hooked one hand under her knee, allowing him to increase the pace of his thrusts and drive them both closer to completion. Luke was panting hard, his heart racing and the now familiar pressure almost at breaking point. Valara arched her back, moaning to tell him how much she liked it, instructing him to go harder and faster, telling him how and where to move.  She was a forthright instructor, and Luke was eager to please, their awkward movements soon falling into a sweet rhythm and he drove them both to completion.

Just when Luke thought he couldn’t hold off any longer, her body suddenly tensed and she shuddered, her inner walls clamping around him as she cried out his name.  One thrust later and it was over, Luke collapsing on her and burying his face in her shoulder as he came apart with double the force of before.  

He was barely aware of anything, he was so sated, and didn't recall ever feeling so at peace. He felt Valara's gentle hands caressing his back and winding through his hair, and he wanted to live in that moment forever. Eventually he became aware of his weight on her, and shifted awkwardly in the small bunk until they found a comfortable position in each other's arms.

"Thank you," he whispered and kissed her temple, the burnt skin tight and scalding under his lips.  Valara smiled and sighed with what he was sure was satisfaction, her light touch drawing absent patterns over his stomach.   

He hoped he had at least alleviated her pain for a while, and his last thought before he drifted off to sleep was how much he wanted to heal her.


	5. Chapter 5

It was the unfamiliarity that woke Luke up. He'd always been an early riser - every morning when the twin suns breached the vast desert plains and streamed in through his bedroom window to touch his face he awoke almost instantly, and the habit was so ingrained that even in strange surroundings and no natural light his eyes snapped open.   
 ****  
Bitter memories flooded him as he realised he was not in the coarse but well-worn sheets of his own bed, but a narrow bunk with a thin blanket that did little to protect him from the cold. While the air outside in the jungle was steamy, inside the stone temple he shivered. It was nothing compared to the cold depths of space, but still Luke found himself missing the warm desert breeze that played across his face every morning, telling him it was time to awaken and head out to check the vaporators. He would never feel that again, he realised as weight settled on his heart; he would never wake up to Beru pottering about in the kitchen, or Uncle Owen’s grousing as he did the morning perimeter check.  
 ****  
All he’d wanted for nineteen years was his life to be more exciting - now it finally was, and Luke wasn’t quite sure how he felt about it.  
 ****  
More pleasant memories surfaced as he recalled the events of the previous night, and he pushed aside the painful ones, still not quite ready to dwell on them. In the dark he searched through the blanket but found it empty.  
 ****  
"I'm over here." Valara's voice was as crisp and cool as the morning, and Luke thumbed blindly in the dark for the light switch beside the bed. The room was quickly illuminated with a fluorescent glow, and Luke saw that Valara was seated at the small workspace diligently going through his meagre possessions - his utility belt, his desert clothes and a small, Alliance-issue medkit. Leia had gone through it with him yesterday, administering various vaccinations including a shot of repress meds which had made him blush horribly. Leia had brushed off his embarrassment, saying it was Alliance policy - especially with pilots and ground troops.  
 ****  
“What are you doing?” he asked her.  
 ****  
“Going through your things,” she said, very matter of fact. "Force of habit, I'm afraid."  
 ****  
"Habit?" he asked cautiously, sitting up and leaning back against the wall. "From where?"  
 ****  
Valara smiled in that secretive way as she picked up his multitool, running her fingers along each element as if she could divine information from each dent and scratch. "So, Red Five, think I'm a spy?"  
 ****  
"No." Luke answered without hesitating. Her behaviour was suspicious, but she was taking no effort to conceal it.  
 ****  
"You sure about that?" she goaded him, swivelling in the chair so her face turned fully to him, her eyes still fixed and unseeing. "I take you to bed after five minutes of knowing you, and now I'm snooping through your possessions. Maybe I'm going to report straight back to the Empire all about the boy who blew up the Death Star."  
 ****  
Luke shrugged despite the fact that she couldn’t see him. “I think if that’s what you’d intended to do,” he answered evenly. “You wouldn’t have wanted me to catch you.”  
 ****  
Valara laughed and turned back to the desk to continue her exploration. She felt along the surface until her hand hit his lightsaber, picking it up and cocking her head curiously. "What's this?" she asked, running her fingers along the handle and ignition switch.  
 ****  
"Careful," he warned her. "It's a lightsaber."  
 ****  
She dropped the blade as if it had burnt her. "Sorry," she said tightly, turning away from the desk to face him again. "So, are you some kind of Jedi?"  
 ****  
"No," he admitted, intrigued by her strange reaction. "But I want to be - my father was one."  
 ****  
"I see." Slowly, Valara stood and made her way back over to his bunk with a guiding hand on the wall. "So is that how you made that shot?"  
 ****  
Luke shrugged, running his hand along the soft skin of her arm as she perched on the side of the bunk. "I don't know," he said truthfully. "I just trusted myself, I guess," he said, careful not to mention Obi-Wan. "And it was so exhilarating, like all my doubts had been stripped away, because I knew I could do it. I know I can be a Jedi too, like my father."  
 ****  
A shadow passed over Valara’s face as she dipped her head. "Well, I hope you get what you want."  
 ****  
"And what do you want?" he asked. "Where do you go from here?"  
 ****  
Valara shrugged, her fingers finding his face and brushing back the hair from his forehead. "Rehabilitation I guess - on the Medical Frigate until they find a new base. I certainly won't be allowed back on missions anytime soon."  
 ****  
"I can come visit you," Luke suggested. "I mean...I'm not sure what they'll do with me."  
 ****  
Valara gave a cold laugh. "Are you kidding? They'll have you and Antilles back out in the fray, and you'll be finding new pilots and flying missions while I'm stuck doing eye exercises and sitting through bacta treatments.”  
 ****  
"How _are_  you feeling?" Luke asked, tenderly touching the scorched skin at her temple. He'd kissed the spot the previous night, wishing with his whole heart that somehow he could heal her.  
 ****  
"A bit better," Valara admitted, somewhat grudgingly. "Which is odd, since the painkillers have worn off."  
 ****  
Luke tugged lightly on her arm, pulling her back into the bunk and into a kiss. It was sweet, and tender, and Luke ran his hand through her unbound hair wishing that the moment could last forever. But he knew that it could not.  
 ****  
“Do me a favor, okay?” she asked as she pulled away, running the backs of her fingers against his cheek. “Don’t tell anyone about this. I have a reputation as a stone cold bitch to protect.”  
 ****  
“Why?” Luke asked, catching her hand and bringing it to his lips. “I mean, of course I won’t tell anyone - but why don’t you want anyone to know that you’re wonderful?”  
 ****  
Valara pulled away and laughed coldly. “Just because I kriffed you doesn’t mean I’m wonderful.”  
 ****  
“I didn’t mean that,” Luke said, shifting to sit on the edge of the bed as Valara knelt on the floor and felt around for her clothes. “I just see something wonderful in you - something you don’t seem to want anyone else to notice. And I’m a good judge of character,” he insisted, picking up her white medrobe and handing it to her.  
 ****  
Valara snorted, slipping her arms into the sleeves of her robe and drawing it around her. "Some kind of Jedi intuition?"  
 ****  
“I don’t know,” he said honestly as Valara pulled the sash of her robe tight around her waist and knotted it. “It’s just..you did this incredible, brave thing,” he continued. “But you seem to almost enjoy other people still thinking the worst or you, or at the very least avoiding you.”  
 ****  
“Except you,” she pointed out.  
 ****  
“Well, I don’t scare easily,” Luke smiled as Valara felt along the floor until she found her white medpants. She sighed heavily and stood, Luke instinctively reaching out his hand to help her up.  
 ****  
“I suppose we fall into behaviours that are easy,” she said as she finished getting dressed. “And people ask less questions when they don’t like you.”  
 ****  
“I like you,” Luke told her, but the words sounded childish to his ears. Still, she smiled, and held out her hand to him. He grasped it again and pulled her closer until she was standing before him.  
 ****  
"I have a rule," she said, gently cupping his face in her hands. "I never spend the night with anyone more than once. Keeps things from getting...complicated."  
 ****  
"I see," he said, even though he really didn't. "But that doesn't mean I can't still visit you."  
 ****  
"Skywalker, you really are too good to be true."  
 ****  
"I killed millions of people yesterday," he pointed out, his mood dipping. "I'm not sure that's good at all."  
 ****  
Her smile faded, and she began to gently trace his face, like she had done the previous night before she’d kissed him. “And saved countless more,” she said softly. “The Empire put the blaster in your hand, Luke.”  
 ****  
“But I pulled the trigger.”  
 ****  
She leaned down and kissed him, her hands winding through his hair and massaging the back of his neck. Luke felt his spirits lift as he was drawn into her embrace, as if somehow she was drawing out his pain like one would a poison from his bloodstream. And yet there was a finality in the kiss; a gift to say goodbye.  
 ****  
"Are you at least going to come to the ceremony?" Luke asked when she pulled away, staring up into her hazel-green eyes whose beauty beguiled the seared red skin which surrounded them. He knew that she couldn't look back at him, and yet he knew they shared some kind of deeper connection, even if she would not admit it.  
 ****  
“To hear you and your smuggler friend get fawned over some more?” she asked wryly. “Tempting.”  
 ****  
The door chimed, and after a few moments slid open to reveal a meddroid hovering in the hallway. Luke started, reaching for the blanket to cover himself.  
 ****  
“I received your communication,” the droid addressed Valara, his mechanic voice almost sounding disapproving. “Two-Onebee is most displeased you left the medward without approval.”  
 ****  
Valara shrugged, turning towards the droid and holding out her arm. “Well, now you can escort me back - in binders if necessary to appease the warden.”  
 ****  
The droid cocked its head to the side as its eyelights flashed. “My programming does not have advanced sensors for human sarcasm,” he said. “I have told you before that the medward is a place for healing, not a prison.”  
 ****  
“Could’ve fooled me,” Valara muttered under her breath, but took the mechanical arm the droid extended for her to grasp. Luke remained on the bed, unsure of what to say but knowing he had his own preparations to make - he had to go find Han and see if he’d scrounged up some appropriate clothes like he’d promised, see what his responsibilities were for the ceremony, if any. He also wanted to check on Wedge to see how he was holding up after the previous night, just in case grief over his fallen comrades had hit him any harder. As much as he wanted to follow Valara, he knew he had other duties, and could not shirk from them.  
 ****  
"I will see you again?" he couldn’t help but ask as the meddroid led her out the door.  
  
Valara laughed. “Sure, you’ll see me, Skywalker,” she said over her shoulder. “Even if I don’t see you.”


	6. Chapter 6

**0 ABY, _Home One_ , deep space**

 

Four weeks she had spent in the dark.  At first she thought she’d died, but then she heard the unmistakable voice of Two-Onebee - the Alliance’s chief medical droid - calling her name and asking if she could move.  If there was any existence beyond her mortal life, Valara was quite certain that Two-Onebee would not be the one to welcome her to it.    

The last thing she remembered seeing was the Imperial base explode in a bouquet of fire - Monfriel and Ralasquez had still been inside placing the charges, and the explosion had been early.  Valara could only assume that something must have happened inside the base which had made the two men decide to set off the charges and sacrifice themselves in the process.  

She’d only just finished beaming the stolen Death Star plans to the the _Tantive VI_ , the closest Alliance vessel to the planet, when the explosion had rocked the transmission tower.  Valara had quickly lowered the shield on her helmet before she’d been hit by the force of the blast, breaking the transparisteel window and flying backwards into the woods that surrounded the base.  She’d seen a bright surge of light through the blast shield and felt her eyes burn as she fell helplessly through the air.  It was the greatest agony she’d ever known, as if her skin was melting inside her helmet and her eyes being scalded right out of their sockets.  

Then she’d hit the ground and everything had gone black.  

A crack in the blast shield, they’d told her - a manufacturing defect so small it had been missed during the quality control phase.  But she’d been close enough to the blast that the flame and light had flooded the shield, severely damaging her retinas.  Bacta had healed her broken bones from the fall, but as Two-Onebee had told her, eye damage was far more difficult to treat.  

She’d been so angry when the droid had told her that she was lucky to be alive she’d tried to tear his mechanical arm off.  They’d restrained and sedated her, and Two-Onebee had kept out of arm’s reach since then, although his bedside manner was as irritatingly cheerful as ever.

Lucky.  Valara hated the word.  She’d have been quite happy to go down with the rest of her squad on the mission, and being the only survivor felt like failure rather than luck.  She had been their leader after all; the commander of a sorry group of misfits and rogues, to be sure, a collection of soldiers who were highly skilled and yet not highly valuable.  At least not to Alliance High Command.    

They’d all known it was essentially a suicide mission, and they’d all been volunteers.  It was a special kind of person so indifferent to death that they were eager for such an assignment – one which had not been officially sanctioned in case they had failed.  Valara had been more than willing to take command when it had been offered to her, for she had no strong ties among the Alliance nor within the team.  She could be counted on to always put the mission first, and had no greater desire than to strike at the Empire.   

With the glory of death taken from her, Valara had been able to do little more than wallow as she flailed around in the dark.  It was too familiar, and she’d panicked as the dark blanketed her eyes as it had once blanketed her heart.  She knew all too well that it could never be overcome – she was irrevocably damaged, and no amount of time or rehabilitation could ever heal her completely.

And yet there had been one bright spot in her convalescence, and that was the time she’d spent with Luke Skywalker.  Within an hour of Princess Leia’s return to Yavin with her farmboy, smuggler and Wookiee rescuers in tow the whole base had known the story.  A ground tech who’d been delivering supplies to the medward hadn’t been able to keep his mouth shut about the young Skywalker - how they’d stuck him in a simulator to test his aptitude for piloting an X-Wing and his performance had been off the charts.  Valara had felt a small pit of bitterness settle in her stomach - she’d previously held the record for speed and accuracy in the simulator and she didn’t like being out-flown by some ‘Rim scraper.  To add insult to injury the boy had been given her own X-Wing, and Valara had raged internally at the injustice, knowing that she may never fly again. 

She’d expected to hate him, and yet when he’d visited her, all kindness and charm, she’d had the complete opposite response.  He could have been basking in the glory and gratitude of the entire base, and yet he’d come to see her, the bitter blind girl, and had actually seemed to listen when she spoke.            

She tried to imagine his face as he'd been described to her since that night. Blond hair, a deep desert tan, and the most beautiful blue eyes in history, or at least according to her informant. Shorter than the average as well, although Valara had known that from dancing with him, but evidently very handsome. Half the fleet already fancied themselves in love with him, or so the scuttlebutt went.

Valara knew she wasn’t in any danger of that.  Privately, she could enjoy being the first to deflower the young hero, a fond secret to be kept in her heart and occasionally thought of when she needed a smile.  But that was all - in fact she doubted she would ever see him again.     

But she needed to stop daydreaming, Valara scolded herself.  She needed to focus, and clutched the balance bars in front of her, trying to orient herself in the private rehab room she’d been given on the _Home One_.  She’d lived in the small quarters ever since the evacuation of Yavin 4, and Valara was at least grateful she didn’t have to stay on the Medstar-class frigate with the rest of the wounded who trickled in following each skirmish with the Empire.  

Valara sighed deeply and opened her eyes.  Her vision had come back in patches, the world a blur often clouded by grey and black clouds.  But she knew the room well enough by now - a small bunk built into the wall on her right, a small table and chair where she took her meals, a large, comfortable armchair to her left and the closed door next to that.  In the middle of the room were the balance bars, allowing her to feel across the room by touch if required, but Valara was determined to make her own way.  

She let go of the bars and willed herself not to reach out with her hands.  All she needed to take was one step, she told herself, trying to lock her fuzzy gaze on the wall in front of her.  Success!  Valara rejoiced inwardly, and then forced herself to take another step.  But that was where things went wrong - her impaired vision altered her balance, the images too blurred to lock onto anything and keep her feet.  When pain hit her temples she couldn’t hold on and tripped, hurtling to the floor.  

Acid-like tears stung in her eyes and Valara slammed a clenched fist against the floor.  The pain was almost welcome - pain she could deal with.  It was failure she could not, and what use was she if she couldn’t even walk across a room?  

She didn’t hear the door slide open or hurried feet cross the room, but she felt warm arms encircle her, lifting her back up to stand.  It was Skywalker, she realised, recognising his smell that was earthy like sun-baked sandstone.  She unconsciously relaxed into his embrace for a moment only, until he kissed the tears from her eyes and Valara pushed him violently away, spinning around to grasping for the balance bar.  The metal was cool and she clutched at it gratefully.

“What are you doing here?” she demanded, her back still turned to him.

“I…” he sounded unsure.  “I said I would come visit you.”

To good to be true.  That’s what she’d told him, the morning after when he promised to come see her without expecting anything else.  She’d thought it a convenient lie, although had no doubt in the moment he’d meant it.  But Valara had expected missions and the status of Rebellion hero would have distracted him enough to forget the promise - he would have no shortage of company if that’s what he wanted.      

“I didn’t actually expect that you would,” she told him, keeping one hand on the balance bar as she turned around to face him.  Valara could barely make him out, a blurry figure in grey was the most she could see behind the black spots that danced before her eyes.  

“If there’s one thing you should know about me, Valara,” he said, the tone of his voice dipping.  “It’s that I keep my promises.”

“Good for you,” she waved her free arm flippantly.  “So, Skywalker, what have you been up to?”

She couldn’t see it, but somehow Valara felt his smile as he relaxed, unoffended by her reaction.  “Wedge and I have been scouting for new pilots.”

The bitterness in her belly seemed to rise, and Valara tasted it on her tongue.  “Going well, I hope?” she managed to say.

“Yes,” Luke replied.  “But how have you been?  They said your vision’s coming back.”

“Ever been in The Spinner?” she asked, referring to the pilot’s training tool in which they put you in a simulated gunner’s chair and spun you around for five minutes, then expected you to shoot at enemy vessels.  Luke nodded - at at least as far as she could tell.    

“It’s kind of like that,” she told him.  “Except all the time.”

“But it’s progress,” he said, again the optimist.  “Someone once told me that taking away one sense allows you to trust your instincts more.”

“I suppose,” Valara said dully, closing her eyes as a familiar, piercing pain in her temples began to spread.  She’d heard such words before, of course.       

Yukimo on the strike team had been blind - a common birth defect among those of his home planet.  He wasn’t a pilot, but when it came to hand to hand combat he had no peer, and he was a good spy.  The last thing Imperials ever expected was a blind rebel, and more often than not they mistook him for a local who’d wandered too far from home - understandable enough, given his condition.  However as soon as they let down their guard Yukimo would strike, his innocuous looking walking staff turning into a deadly weapon that he wielded with ease.

But in the end that had not saved him - Yukimo had fallen after they’d taken control of the central mainframe of the Imperial base, holding off dozen of stormtroopers as Valara had hacked into the system to obtain the plans.  The Imps had been smart, and made the database inaccessible through droid interface.  Luckily, Valara knew the Imperial systems well, and had been able to slice her way inside.  The plans obtained, Yukimo had yelled at her to get out, that he would hold them off and there hadn't been time to protest. The escape route blocked, Valara had escaped through a ventilation duct and the sound of Yukimo's final scream still haunted her nightmares.

Of all her comrades, he'd been the closest thing she'd had to a friend. He didn't like to talk about his past much either, and they often sat together sharing a ration bar in companionable silence. He'd even started to teach her how to use his staff, explaining how it could compensate for his lack of vision as he'd learned the precise sound of it swinging through the air.  In her blindness Valara had tried to concentrate as he'd taught her, to listen to the flow and ebb of the air as objects moved through it. He could hear a needle bug crawling on a duracrete floor if he wanted, Yukimo had once boasted, but for Valara there had been little success.  

“Valara?” Luke’s voice brought her back from those painful memories, and although she couldn’t see the expression on his face he sounded concerned.  “You looked lost for a moment there.”

I am lost, she wanted to say, but it sounded far too self-pitying, not to mention weak.  “Maybe you’re just boring me,” she teased him instead.  

Luke laughed, and to Valara it felt like a light summer breeze.  "One day," he told her, "we're going to have a conversation without you insulting me."

Valara couldn't stop the smile from growing on her face, his affable charm still pleasant and surprising.

“Ah, a smile,” he said triumphantly, stepping forward into her personal space.  “It’s good to see your teeth.”

It dropped instantly into a scowl.  At the orphanage the other children had teased her mercilessly for her teeth, which had been too large for her five year old face.  She still felt they were slightly too prominent, as if she’d never quite grown into them.    

"Why are you really here, Red Five?" she asked, falling easily into the nickname she'd given him. It gave her a sense of distance, not using his name, and reminded her that she had lost the call sign and her ship to him.     

"I wanted to see you," Luke said, reaching for her hand and grasping it lightly.

Valara sighed - she'd been afraid of this.  One night and he’d imprinted on her like a baby whisper-bird.  She should never had accompanied him to the celebration that night on Yavin, she shouldn't have kissed him on the dance floor, and she certainly shouldn't have taken him to bed.

"I told you, I have a rule," she reminded him.  One night, and then move on - that's how she'd always managed things and it had worked well enough so far.

"I didn't come for that."  He sounded affronted that she'd even suggested it.  "I just came to see how you were doing."

“Well, I’m fine,” she insisted, pressing her palm against his chest and pushing him lightly away.  But Luke held his ground firmly, and didn’t budge.  

“You didn’t look fine crumpled up on the floor.”  

Valara sighed - he had her there.  Her first instinct was to tell him to get lost, that she didn’t need anyone’s help, but for once she held her tongue.  Luke must have sensed her resignation, for he cupped her face lightly in his hands and looked directly into her eyes. 

“Can you see me?”

They were blue, just like she’d been told, and he was close enough that she could focus on the depth of his gaze.  “Yes,” she breathed, the bitter pit in her stomach shifting into something else entirely.  

“Keep your eyes on mine,” he instructed her, and ever so slowly began to walk backwards.  But Valara found she was able to keep focus on him, her gaze fused with his as if there was a connecting coil between them.  She let go of the balance bar of her own accord, and when he held out his arms Valara found herself stepping towards him, not concerned with the movement of her feet, but rather drawn in by him, as if some invisible force was propelling her.

She cleared the room in half a dozen steps, into his welcoming arms which enclosed her warmly.  “You did it,” he whispered, his hot breath on her cheek making the pit in her stomach surge with feeling.  “Instinct, you see?”

“I’ll show you instinct,” she almost growled, pulling his face down into a bruising kiss.  She knew it was wrong, she knew she would regret it afterwards, but he was a drug she needed to clear from her system with one more hit.  Luke’s grip tightened around her, his tongue slipping into her mouth which far more purpose and dexterity than it had the last time.  Valara wondered if he’d been practicing with anyone else, but pushed that thought aside, deciding it didn’t matter.  All that mattered was Luke’s warm body pressed against hers, his hands running down her back, the taste of him which was oddly sweet.    

Her head ached terribly, and Valara closed her eyes, throwing herself into the pleasurable sensation of his lips sliding against hers.  It was easier in the dark to push aside recriminations and logic, to allow herself to simply feel.    

“What about your rule?” he murmured as he pulled away slightly, cupping her face in his hands again.  

“You’re a Rebel now, Skywalker,” she said as she rubbed her cheek against his coarse palm.  “Breaking the rules is why we’re here.”

He laughed lightly and then captured her lips again before kissing his way down her throat, pushing aside her shirt to suck on her neck.  Valara gasped and then laughed lightly as he found a particularly sensitive spot.  

“Learn some new tricks, Red Five?” she asked, her hands running through his hair which had grown slightly at the ends.  

“I may have been thinking about what I would do if ever in this situation again,” Luke murmured against her skin, his breath whispering against the skin under her ear and making Valara shiver.  

“And I thought you just came to see me?” she teased.

“I did,” Luke’s voice was deep in her ear, and his hands found the buttons on her shirt and undid them purposefully.  “But a man can dream.”

“Indeed,” Valara muttered, allowing him to strip off her shirt.  “Now yours,” she ordered him, feeling down his chest to find the ends of his own tunic.  He anticipated her, bringing the garment up and over his head in an instant and then pulling her back into his arms.  Valara’s hands went immediately to his chest, reminding herself of the compact muscle hidden by his slight frame - the kind built through years of hard work.  

She pushed him back gently, and this time he let her, falling back into the armchair while Valara removed the rest of her clothes.  It was easier to keep her eyes closed, helped down onto Luke’s lap by his guiding hand.  Before his touch had been slightly clumsy, but now it was gentle, skirting her sides and caressing her back in a way that left her wanting more.  When he cupped her breast his touch was so light Valara almost wept - no one had ever shown her such care.

But that wasn’t what she needed.  Valara unclasped his pants and took his cock into her hands - long, thick and hard.  He hissed through his teeth as she stroked him, running her thumb over the head and her fingers down the shaft appreciatively.  One day, she might be able to enjoy herself watching it encased in tight pants, but for now the feel of him was enough to make her so wet she couldn’t wait any longer.  

He felt even better inside of her than he had the first time.  Then, she’d encouraged him but let him set the pace and find his rhythm.  This time she recklessly sought her own pleasure, riding him hard and fast, her back arching and her head thrown back.  His mouth latched onto her breast and sucked until Valara whimpered, his strong hands holding onto her rear so she didn’t tumble backwards onto the floor.       

It wasn’t long before Luke gave a wordless grunt, burying his face between her breasts and his hips jutting up into hers as his climax neared.  She was on the precipice as well and couldn’t wait for him, thrusting her hand between their bodies and rubbing her aching clit as she rode him to completion.  The pain behind her eyes exploded into pleasure, the dark spots turning to stars as she cried out and pulled on Luke’s hair.  He moaned in satisfaction, hands tightening on her back as he pushed up into her one final time.  

Slick with sweat , Valara held him to her breast, stroking his hair as they both came down from their highs.  Luke lifted his head and kissed her gently, Valara relaxing into him as he leaned back on the armchair.  

“So,” he said through heavy breaths.  “What was that?”

“Just sex, Skywalker,” Valara said, laying her head on his chest.  “Nothing more.”

“If you say so,” he responded lightly, his fingers lightly tracing down her spine.  “Or maybe you wanted to avoid doing your rehab.”

Valara laughed.  “Don’t you agree what we just did was more enjoyable?”

“Sure,” Luke kissed her temple.  “But probably not more productive.”

Irritation flared, Valara’s good mood dissipating as her headache threatened to return.  She climbed off Luke’s lap and searched for the wall to balance herself.  “Here’s a tip, Skywalker,” she said, her voice clipped.  “If someone wants to fuck you it’s bad form to nag them afterwards.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, and sounded it.  “I’ll go, if you want, but...can I come see you again?”

Sighing, Valara rubbed her temple - she should kick him out and make sure she didn’t wind up in bed with him again.  It had already gone further than it should, but he was just so damn endearing.  

“Don’t you think you’ve _seen_ enough?” she said, a smile working its way back onto her face as she gestured to her naked body.  Luke was silent for a few moments, and Valara risked opening her eyes, the light making her headache but it was enough to see he was still in the armchair, staring at her.  She wished she could see him properly, his rumpled clothes, his intense gaze, his sweat-slicked hair.  Perhaps he was even hard again, Valara thought, biting her lip.

“No,” Luke said, his voice husky.  “I don’t think I’ve seen anywhere near enough.”  He reached out his hand to grasp her free one, and Valara let go of the wall, against her better judgement sliding back onto his lap.

“Do you think Two-OneBee will accept this as rehabilitation?” Valara asked as her hands travelled over her body once again.  “It’s exercise at least.”  

“I’m happy to play nurse,” Luke murmured, his hand slipping between her legs.  

“Oh!” Valara cried out as Luke rubbed her, now having no difficulty finding the spot which gave her the most pleasure.  “I...alright.  Just remember who’s in charge.”

“As if i could forget,” Luke chuckled against her collarbone as he pressed wet kisses to her skin.  “So tell me what you want.”  

 


	7. Chapter 7

**_0 ABY - Allied Flight, deep space_**  
  
With a spring in his step, the kind always present around a brand new ship, Luke Skywalker traversed the hallways of the newly-christened  _Allied Flight._ It was a custom modified star cruiser acquired for the Rebellion in part due to Luke's own efforts - and Han's smuggling contacts. She was a beauty, the bulk of the ship consisting of hangar bays, training centres and storage for the one and two-man starfighters that made up the bulk of the Alliance's piloting force.   
  
Since the evacuation of Yavin six months previous they'd had no luck in finding an alternate base of operations, which had left the Rebel fleet splintered and drifting through the galaxy in search of a new home.  _Allied Flight_ meant that the pilot squadrons could at least be consolidated and their fights berthed in one ship when not on missions.   
  
What squadrons they had left, of course.   
  
Which was the purpose of Luke's visit to the new training bays, complete with classrooms and flight simulators for the specific purpose of swelling the pilot corps quickly and efficiently. Yet Luke couldn't deny that he had one other reason to be eager to check in with the Alliance's new Flight Master.   
  
Valara stood in the middle of the circular instruction room, going over hologram specs of the X-Wing's flight propulsion system. She was facing away from him, and Luke noticed that her hair was longer than when he'd last seen her, tied into a sleek tail at the back of her head. Her back was as always ramrod straight, and for a few moments Luke lingered, unsure of how to approach her, his mouth suddenly dry.   
  
“Hey, Skywalker,” she said and turned around, a small smile on her face as she folded her arms in a familiar gesture. Valara leaned back slightly against the holodesk and Luke saw that the skin around her eyes was smooth and pale, her burns finally healed. She looked at him with such directness he was left with no doubt that her sight had fully returned.   
  
“You know it’s me, then?” he smiled at her.  
  
“I'd know the sound of that hesitant shuffle anywhere,” she told him, looking pointedly down at his feet and Luke forced himself to stand still. "And I heard you'd come in for an inspection so knew it was only a matter of time before you came so you could see me. Or more importantly," she added, her small smile spreading into a grin. “So I could see you.”  
  
Luke was happy to see her smile and forget her self-consciousness about her teeth. He’d never considered them anything but adorable, but she’d let slip about being bullied in the orphanage the last time they’d met on the medical frigate and he'd then noted the way she tended to hide them with scowls and thin smiles.     
  
Valara's gaze returned to his face, and lingered there for several moments. The close scrutiny made Luke slightly uneasy, although he met her intense stare and did not blink. She’d still had limited vision the last time, and Luke became somewhat apprehensive of her truly seeing him for the first time.   
  
"I hope you're not disappointed," he said, trying to keep his voice light as he walked down the steps that lead to the centre of the room  
  
"No," Valara answered, shaking her head and making the tail of her hair swing. "The day after the celebration on Yavin I was stuck next to some chit in the medward who gave herself alcohol poisoning - she couldn’t stop going on about how  _dreamy_ you were, so I'm not surprised by how you look."  
  
"Opinion is subjective," Luke suggested with a shrug.   
  
"I suppose," Valara gave him a long look up and down. "But in _my_ opinion you're a very handsome young man, Red Five."  
  
Luke refused to blush - he'd had enough practice, between Han and Wedge who'd made it their joint mission to reference his celebrity status as often as possible. Luke had long stopped being embarrassed by it and besides, there was a part of him that kind of liked the attention - it was all harmless flirting, and he never reciprocated, although he suspected his lack of response only increased the desire to  _conquer_ him. He took it all in his stride, and their efforts troubled him little.  
  
So why could he be so calm and unaffected with those other girls and feel so flustered with Valara? She was older, he supposed, and she made him work for it which made her attention - when he received it - feel far more genuine. And yet her obvious interest made Luke suddenly shy, as if he wasn’t quite prepared for it; he broke her gaze and looked away, clearing his throat.   
  
"So, any new recruits that look promising?" he asked, a supremely safe topic to grasp onto.   
  
Valara seemed amused, and turned back to the holodesk, riffling through her holographic files with deft fingers moving through the air. "A few perhaps - looking to fill out your squad?"  
  
"Yes," Luke nodded. He'd been promoted to Lieutenant and was flying with Red Group under a new Commander, although he often found himself the recipient of solo missions from Alliance High Command.   
  
Valara continued to go through her files, bringing up candidates, briefly scanning their records and then dismissing them one by one. "I'll have to compile a list for you."  
  
"No chance of persuading you back into the squad?" Luke shifted closer to her, their forearms touching as they both looked at the holofiles.   
  
"It's not me you have to persuade," Valara said stiffly, although she didn’t move away. "My vision's returned but my reflexes just aren't the same - especially in the dark of space. Command won’t let me back."   
  
“I’m sorry,” Luke said, but it was clearly something she did not wish to discuss further, her melancholy quickly hidden beneath another mask.  
  
"Besides," she elbowed him playfully. "Fly under your command? Not a chance."  
  
"I don't have a command yet," Luke pointed out. He found himself sometimes chafing under the stern leadership of Commander Narra, a veteran of the Clone Wars pressed back into service after Yavin. Although Luke followed orders, he found himself often disagreeing with the safe and slow strategies of the old man, yearning to make his own choices and follow his own instincts.   
  
"But you will soon," Valara shrugged. “You went from farmboy to Lieutenant pretty quick, it won’t be long before they’ll want their poster boy in charge of a squad. But it sure as hell won't be me under you.”   
  
"You might like being under me," Luke teased her, warm memories surfacing. "You have before at least."  
  
"That may be so,” Valara turned her hazel-green eyes upwards to him, and he decided he liked the way she looked at him. “But I don't follow commands,” she added with a hint of teasing. “Especially not yours."  
  
"Are you sure?" Luke asked, feeling slightly bolder. "You might like that too." He was treading a fine line, he knew, but her presence enlivened him, made him playful in a way he’d never felt with a woman before. They stood still for a few moments, sharing an intense gaze. It was so thrilling knowing that now when he looked deep into her eyes she was looking back into his. He swallowed heavily, gently cupping her soft cheek and relishing the way her breath hitched in response.  
  
Unable to stand it any longer, Luke closed the space between them, pressing his lips to hers. She responded eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him close to her. Luke grasped her rear, lifting her up and onto the holodesk and pressing her body flush against his as he kissed her as if his life depended on it.   
  
"Wait -" Valara broke away and pushed him back. "Stop."  
  
Luke took a step backwards, breathing heavily and confused at her reaction. Her hair was mussed, her face flushed and her lips plumped - her eyes bright and blazing. But Valara looked away, hopping down from the holodesk and straightening her clothes.   
  
“We can’t do this,” she said, her voice ragged.   
  
Luke ran a hand through his hair, willing his blood to stop rushing like fire under his skin. “Why?”  
  
“I told you, Luke,” she said, and when she turned back to him her eyes had become blank and cold. “My rule.”  
  
He cursed her confounded rule, wanting to remind her that she’d been more than willing to break it last time. “I thought being a Rebel meant breaking the rules.”  
  
“I made a mistake,” Valara crossed her arms and stared him him, her rebuff palpable. “One I won’t make again.”  
  
“Alright,” Luke sighed, still confused but knowing he had to let the matter drop. He should be grateful, he told himself, that she’d allowed him so close to her in the first place - not to mention the second time. He should have known it was too good to be true.   
  
“So, what’s next for you?” he asked, pushing aside his disappointment and searching for a change in topic. “I can’t see you being happy stuck here for too long.”  
  
“Lucky for me I don’t know too much about being happy,” Valara shrugged, smoothing down her hair absently. “It makes you slow,” she added, her glance flittering away. “It makes you want things that deviate from your purpose.”   
  
Luke cocked his head, wondering exactly what she thought her purpose was. “Sounds a lot like Imperial thinking to me.”  
  
“Shouldn’t be that surprising,” Valara shifted her stance, almost standing to attention. “That’s how I was raised.”  
  
“But you defected,” Luke defended her. “You left to get away from all that, surely?”  
  
“You don’t know why I left,” Valara snapped back, her anger quick and fierce.  
  
“No,” Luke said, keeping his voice calm. “I don’t.” It was an invitation, not a request - he’d decided after they’d first met that he’d never ask her to tell him about what was clearly so painful for her, but always make it easy for her to open up if she wanted to. Her past was off limits, it seemed - but her future...  
  
“So why are you here?” he asked.   
  
Valara pierced him with a cold glare. “To strike at the Empire any way I can,” she said harshly. “To fight against them until there’s nothing left to fight.”  
  
“And then?” he pressed her. “What if we win, what then?”  
  
Valara shrugged and turned back to the holodesk, pushing aside the personnel files and returning to the X-Wing schematics. “Peace is for other people to enjoy.”  
  
Luke smiled to himself and approached the desk, once again standing beside her and watching the blue holos illuminating her face. “That’s very selfless - to sacrifice any happiness in your life so someone else can have it in theirs.”  
  
“You’re too generous, Skywalker,” Valara waved her hand dismissively. “Other people don’t concern me - as long as the Empire falls, I don’t give a toss what happens afterward.”  
  
Luke didn’t quite believe her, and yet he could almost  _feel_  the bitter anger that brewed deep inside of her. “Why do you hate the Empire so much?”  
  
Valara laughed, and turned to him as if he’d asked her why Tatooine had sand. “Why does anyone? Why do you?”  
  
For Luke, the answer was easy. “Because they enslave, subjugate and inflict suffering,” he said resolutely. “Because they killed my Aunt and Uncle just because they could. Because they’re the reason I never knew my parents.”  
  
“Your Jedi father, you mean.” Valara looked uncomfortable, and Luke thought back to how she’d recoiled when finding his lightsaber. “Don’t be so sure things would have been any different under the Republic,” she added. “The Jedi took children from their families too.”  
  
Luke had heard that the Jedi of the Old Republic were trained in the Temple on Coruscant from a young age, but he’d never thought about them as  _taken_. “What do you know of the Jedi - of the Force?” he said a little defensively. “Other than Imperial propaganda.”  
  
“Nothing,” Valara conceded, and turned back to the holo display. Still, Luke did not miss the tensing of her shoulders and her left hand which clenched into a fist.   
  
“My mentor was a Jedi,” Luke told her softly. “He lived on Tatooine - I think to watch over me after my father died. He gave me this lightsaber,” Luke indicated to the blade which hung on his hip. “And taught me the ways of the Force before he was killed. He told me that the Force binds the galaxy together, and that I should trust it. Trust my instincts.”  
  
“A very pretty story,” Valara said with a smirk. “So how are you going to become a Jedi now that he’s gone?”  
  
Slightly annoyed at her dismissal, Luke shifted his stance uncomfortably. “I haven’t figured that out yet,” he admitted. “But I will.”  
  
“I like your confidence,” Valara smiled, her shoulders relaxing as she turned back to him and Luke felt his irritation melt away.  
  
“Even if you don’t like the Jedi?”  
  
Valara stared at him. “I have no opinion on the Jedi one way or the other.”  
  
“If you say so.” Luke didn’t feel like arguing with her on a subject so important to him, not when he felt she wouldn’t be honest anyway. He remembered the other reason he’d sought her out, and dug around in his pocket for the gift he’d been carrying around for weeks, waiting for the opportunity to visit her.   
  
“Here,” he took her hand and deposited round, jade-green stone in her palm. It as smooth, the edges and planes diligently polished to expose green clouds swirling within a deep core. “It’s a worry stone,” he told her when she looked at it blankly. Luke took her thumb and placed it on the stone, encouraging her to rub the surface gently. “My Aunt had one, although that was made from sandstone. She always said that it helped her think, or eased her worries, and I thought...it’s something you can  _feel_ , you know?”   
  
“Why, because I might go blind again?” Valara asked, her gaze lowered and an odd tone in her voice.   
  
The thought had crossed Luke’s mind - injuries like hers didn’t just go away, and Valara had told him resolutely she would never agree to implants.   
  
“We all have a lot of worries,” he said instead, squeezing her hand lightly. “I can take them out in my ship, up in the stars, but I thought you might like something to keep with you.”   
  
Valara looked down at his hand over hers, a fringe of hair falling over her eyes so he couldn’t see her reaction. Eventually she sighed deeply, pushing aside Luke’s grip and clenching her fist around the stone.  
  
“What’s wrong?” he asked.  
  
Finally, she raised her eyes again, and he saw that she was angry. “I told you not to get attached.”  
  
Luke was taken aback by the harshness in her voice. “It’s just a gift, Valara,” he said defensively. “I found it in an abandoned quarry on my last mission and thought you might like it, that’s all.” He decided not to mention the hours he’d spent polishing the stone, or the symbol he’d carved into the back which she’d had yet to notice.  
  
“You shouldn’t be giving me gifts,” Valara shook her head, her hair swinging again. “You shouldn’t be  _thinking_ about me.”   
  
“Why not?” Luke challenged her, deciding that now was not the time to be coy. “Valara, I know that we share something - maybe something neither of us understand yet, but it’s there.”  
  
Valara looked upward and clutched at her collar, puling on it as if she was suffocating. She took a step back, her rear hitting the holodesk with a bump. “We’ve known each other, cumulatively, around twenty hours, - and for eight of those you were asleep,” she said harshly. “What makes you think you know me at all - that we could share anything but the physical?”  
  
“I can sense it.”  
  
“Jedi intuition?” she scoffed.   
  
“Yes,” he nodded, lifting his chin defiantly. “Maybe.”  
  
Valara rubbed her forehead with her free hand, the stone still clenched in her other fist. “I should have know better,” she said, lifting her cold eyes back to him, “than to expect a boy like you to be able to handle this. You’re all innocence and good intentions and  _feelings_ ,” she sneered. “We had a bit of fun Luke, but that’s it. You were nothing but a convenient tumble, and you’re making a fool of yourself acting like it’s anything more.”   
  
Luke blinked, so surprised by her sudden shift that it took a few seconds for him to process it. Then his anger flared at her mocking words and contemptuous sneer - the way she’d called him a  _boy_  almost made his blood boil. She was lying, he was sure of it, her icy glare intense but not completely convincing. And yet his anger faded as quickly as it had come, leaving only sad resignation. Why should he keep trying to reach out to someone who blocked him at every turn, he asked himself. Why should he beg for her attention and affection when there were countless others willing to give that to him without running a gauntlet? Why should he waste time on someone who clearly didn’t want him around?   
  
"Fine,” Luke said, throwing his hands up in defeat. “If that's what you want, I'll trouble you no more."  
  
Valara was all steel and ice, folding her arms and staring back at him with her chin raised. “Good.”  
  
“Good,” Luke repeated, turning on one heel and walking swiftly from the room without looking back.


	8. Chapter 8

**2 ABY - Rebel outpost, Hoth**

 

With an air of nonchalance Valara studied the cards in her hand, then looked up at her opponents around the table.  Wedge Antilles sat opposite her, cards held close to his chest and an obnoxious smile on his face, as if confident he’d already won the game.  Hobbie Klivian and Wes Janson sat to Wedge’s right, although Valara couldn’t remember which was which since they both wore identical expressions of idiocy.  To her own right was Dak Ralter, known to Valara only because he’d been one of her students, and she’d recommended his placement with the newly-formed Rogue Squadron six months earlier.  Dak was easy to read - he was smiling, which meant he was bluffing.    

The last place at the table was taken by Rogue Leader himself - Luke Skywalker, seated to Wedge’s left.  It had been over a year since Valara had ended things between them, although they had seen each other in passing and on official business.  However their conversations had been stilted and formal; an outsider would never have guessed that they knew each other, let alone that they’d once been lovers.  Luke’s cards were lying face down on the table in a neat little pile, and Valara had to begrudgingly admit that he had a good sabacc face.  He looked at her impassively, and yet when their eyes met there was something deeper which made Valara look away, feeling exposed and examined.    

She plucked a card from her hand and tossed it lightly down on the table.  “Queen of Air and Darkness,” she said coolly, without even a hint of triumph at the winning hand she was sure was hers.

Wedge let out a long laugh.  “Typical,” he said.  “Isn’t that your alter ego, Valara?”

“I’m flattered,” she smiled thinly in response.  “But sweet talk won’t get you anywhere, Antilles.”  When no one reached for the card she drew another from the pack - the eight of staves - and lay her cards on the table in triumph.    

To Valara’s left, Hobbie-or-Wes threw down his cards in disgust.  “Pure Sabacc again,” he grumbled.  

“Unless one of you has the Idiot’s Array,” Valara smirked, referring to the only hand which would beat pure sabacc, consisting of a two, a three and the Idiot card.  “Although…” she gestured to Wedge, Hobbie and Wes, which made Dak snort into his ale.  Across the table Luke smiled mildly but said nothing as his three wingmates spluttered out denials and arguments over who was the figurative “idiot.”    

Valara claimed the pot for herself, adding to her happy little pile of credits as Wedge dealt the next hand.  Luke was still watching her, and Valara felt slightly unnerved under his scrutiny, not missing the several empty ale bottles piled up next to him.    

“So what do you think of the place, Valara?” Wedge asked, gesturing to the ice walls which surrounded them.  The planet Hoth had been a good find for Rogue Squadron, located in the midst of an asteroid belt and with an ice core which made detection difficult.  The Rebellion had established an outpost which had thus far served as a base of operations for their activities in the Outer Rim.  

“It’s cold.”  Valara picked up her cards and studied them.    

“You should feel right at home then,” Wedge winked, although there was a hint of malice in his tone brought out by the alcohol. Of course Valara knew why, although it did not trouble her.

“We’re going to recommend they build a permanent base here,” Luke spoke up for the first time.  “The fleet can’t keep running from system to system, and we should be able to avoid detection by the Empire.”

“If they can avoid freezing to death,” Valara said, thankful that either way she would remain stationed on Allied Flight.

“After the evening with you V, my icebox of a room doesn’t seem so bad,” Wedge teased as they all placed their initial bets.  Valara didn’t know why she looked to Luke, as if she had expected him to defend her, but she quickly looked down at her cards again and discarded one which was useless.  

“Don’t call me V.”

The game continued for a few more rounds in silence, but evidently Wedge soon grew bored and latched back onto the topic.  

"Hey Va-lara," Wedge said languidly, dragging out the syllables of her name as he threw out two cards. "Settle a bet. After Yavin, you and Luke totally did the deed right?"

She looked up at him curiously, determined not to to give him the satisfaction of an outward response.  Luckily, she’d once spent three entire days at the Imperial Academy being berated and provoked until she learned not to react, and it was a skill she’d since been particularly adept at.   

"Is that what he said?" she asked mildly as she took one of the cards Wedge had discarded, and gave him a six of flasks in return.

"He refuses to confirm or deny. But he blushes so prettily when asked."  Wedge nudged Luke playfully, but he gave no response either, his attention on the cards in his hand.  

“I heard there was some action on the dance floor,” Hobbie-or-Wes chimed in, and Valara rolled her eyes.  

“There was,” Wedge confirmed.  “I saw it - and then they disappeared for the rest of the night.”

“Drop it, Wedge.”  Luke’s voice was smooth but firm - his words an order, not a request.  Wedge threw her an accusing look, as if she was the reason Luke had snapped at him, but Valara chose to ignore it, doubling her bet.    

Luke calmly folded his cards together, and then placed them down on the table in a small pile again.  Valara had watched him all night, and was yet to discover his strategy in it since he seemed to do it whether he had a good hand or bad.  Looking directly at her, Luke matched her bet, and then raised her by another hundred.  

Dak let out a long whistle.  “Too rich for my blood,” he said, dropping his cards on the table and leaning back into his chair.  

“I’m sure one of you is bluffing,” Hobbie-or-Wes said.  “Which means the other is probably not, so I’m out too.”  The other one did the same, but Wedge ate a handful of nuts and shrugged.  

“I think they’re both bluffing,” he declared, matching Luke’s bet and throwing Valara a challenging look.  She threw a glance down at her hand, not bad, all things considering, but it would depend on what happened in the next few rounds.  Not about to back down, Valara threw out enough chips to match Luke’s raise and they went another round.  

Wedge went bust, seeking to get rid of a Nine of Coins which neither Luke or Valara were willing to take so he drew from the deck and went bust again.  They were playing Rebel Sabacc, which meant a double-bust was an automatic out.  But he took it well, slapping Luke on the shoulder.

“Now you gotta win for the both of us, Boss,” he said in between eating more nuts and drowning his whiskey.

Luke seemed determined, and Valara studied his face under the guise of looking for tells.  He looked older than when she’d last seen him, more mature perhaps.  The farmboy charm had been replaced somewhat with a pilot’s confidence, although his eyes were still as blue as ever, penetrating her as they stared at each other across the table.  

Without looking at his cards he selected one from his little pile, pushing it across the table and flipping it to reveal The Evil One, worth negative 15.  It was a bold move, confirming that Luke wanted to switch his negative hand for a positive one but still leaving her in the dark as to what his other cards were.  After another round and looking at her own hand, Valara pushed fresh credits into the pot.

“Call,” she said, upending her cards on the table to reveal the face cards of Endurance and Demise, which combined gave her negative twenty-one, and a one of staves bring her total to negative twenty - three away from Negative Sabacc.  

Luke in turn revealed his cards - a six of sabres, a five of coins and the Balance card worth negative eleven.  A bad hand on zero, but there were still rounds to play, and he surprised her by changing his six, indicating that he was again shifting, this time from positive to negative.   Valara took a sip of her whiskey and then raised her bet by three hundred, which Luke matched almost immediately.  

“Confident, are we?” she asked.

“He should be,” Wedge cut it.  “He’s damn lucky.”

Valara scowled, wondering if Wedge knew how much she hated that word.  She pushed out her Demise card knowing that Luke would not take it, and reached for a card from the deck.  It was The Star, which at negative 17 brought her total to negative twenty-one.    

“That’s a good hand, Valara,” Luke conceded.  “Hard to beat.”  He discarded his five which of course she did not take, and then chuckled to himself as the card he drew from the deck was also The Star - giving him Negative Sabacc.  Wedge, Hobbie and Wes let out whoops of delight and congratulations, while beside her Dak gave a smile although he shot her an apologetic look.        

“You’re not using the Force are you?” she asked, only half joking since the likelihood of both Star cards being so close was astronomical.

“No,” Luke smiled at her.  “I’m just good.”

Valara sighed and looked down at her cards face up on the table.  For her to also reach Negative Sabacc she’d need to draw the Queen of Air and Darkness again, but Valara knew she’d already been played twice in that game and therefore would probably not be near the top of the deck.  Still, there was one other option, and Valara gave them all a challenging look as she pushed all of her credits into the pot.   

“All in,” she declared, as Luke’s face split into a wide grin.  

“Don’t be stupid, Valara,” Wedge scoffed.  “Just take the loss.”

“Not a chance,” she said, her eyes still on Luke, who shrugged and pushed in the credits to match hers.  Then she took a deep breath before taking her final turn, discarding all three of her cards and taking new ones from the deck.

“Interesting move,” Luke said, leaning forward slightly in his chair.  “Victory or nothing.”

Valara didn’t answer, instead focusing on turning her cards over one by one.  The first was a two of staves, and Valara felt her heart sink a little.  But she pressed on, revealing the next to be a eight of flasks, bringing her total to ten.  

Wedge laughed and leaned back in his chair.  “Good effort, V, but I told you, Luke’s the lucky one.”

She ignored him, all of her attention on the final card resting on the table.  She didn’t like to lose, the credits irrelevant to her since she had few expenses, but the importance of success had been drilled into her from a young age.  Failure meant pain, punishment and shame and even though she knew she was free from that life.    

“Get on with it,” Hobbie-or-Wes demanded.  “The suspense is killing us!”

With a flick of her wrist, Valara exposed the last card.  Relief and joy flooded her even as her ears rang out with the disappointed and disbelieving cries from those around her.  It was the Mistress card, worth thirteen and giving her Pure Sabacc.  In Rebel rules, positive sabacc alway beat the negative.  

“I don’t believe it!” Wedge exclaimed, as Dak congratulated her and Valara drowned the last of her whiskey.     

Luke was calm, lightly placing his cards down on the table.  “You win,” he conceded.

She should have left it there, but the whiskey was warm in her blood and light in her head.  “Don’t you know by now, Skywalker?” she asked as she pulled the credit pot towards her.  “I always win.”

Luke scowled darkly, his look intense.  “Deal another hand, we’ll see.”

But Valara was already regretting her words.  She knew she’d treated Luke terribly, given his youth and inexperience.  She hadn’t been fair to him at all, her only thought to push him as far away as possible to keep him from getting too close - Valara had learned that mistake the hard way and wasn’t about to make it again.  

“I’ll skip this one,” she declared, rising to her feet and picking up her empty glass.  “Have to give you boys a chance to catch up before I take your creds again.”

“You’re all heart,” Wedge said sarcastically as he dealt another hand.  

“I’m all something,” Valara shrugged as she made her way back to the bar which was located in the next room.  It was empty, with the sabacc participants the only ones still awake.  Valara shivered, as the bar was without the minimal heating of the rest of the complex to keep the drinks cold.  The bar itself had been carved from a large piece of ice, with various alcoholic beverages conveniently lined up on the top.  She took her time to select a good whiskey, chip off a chunk of ice from the bar and fling it into a glass with a plop.  

When she turned around she almost dropped the glass in shock to see Luke blocking the exit, the door back out to the sabacc room closed behind him.  He was leaning casually against the icy doorframe with his arms folded and a small smile on his face.  

“Skywalker,” Valara acknowledged him coolly and placed her drink back on the bar.  “You surprised me.”

“Couldn’t recognise my - awkward shuffle anymore?” Luke’s smile grew slightly wider.

“I suppose you’ve lost it,” Valara replied, and wasn’t sure if she was disappointed.

Luke approached her slowly.  “So here we are, alone again,” he said, his voice low.  “Does it remind you of old times?”

“You mean two old times in particular?” she asked, her voice cold even as she couldn’t help but let her gaze drift over his form.  “Not really.”

“So you’re saying that you haven’t given me a thought in the past two years?” Luke asked, before her now.  He placed his hands on either side of the bar, boxing her in, his eyes boring into hers.  “No fond memories to keep you warm on cold nights?”  

She could feel his breath on her cheek, his body almost but not quite pressing against her, and Valara wanted to lean into him but kept herself in check.  She forced herself to hold his gaze.

“No,” she told him, happy that her voice was steady and firm.  

Luke chuckled slightly, reaching forward to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear.  “I may not know everything about you, Valara, but I’ve learned a few of your tells.  When you look straight at me you’re lying, and when you bite your lip it means you’re excited.”

Valara hadn’t realised she was biting down on her lower lip hard enough to draw blood, and released it with a gasp.  Luke dipped his head and brushed his lips against hers, softly at first, and then kissing her deeper until she could taste him, her own blood, and the rich bite of the ale he’d been drinking.  Her eyes fluttered closed and she melted into the kiss, the warmth intoxicating after so long, the whiskey in her system impairing her from making coherent decisions and allowing her desire to take over.  

Luke unzipped her snow jacket and pushed it down over her shoulders, wrapping his arms around her as he began to kiss her neck.  Valara threw her head back, his hot, wet mouth exquisite on her cold skin, igniting feelings in her she’d long thought blunted.  

“This is a bad idea,” she said even as she clutched his hair and pulled him closer.  But Luke stilled, lifting his head but keeping close, his breath hot in her ear.      

“So go,” he whispered and then shifted further, clearing a path for her to escape.  “There’s the door.”

Valara took several deep breaths, trying to get a hold of herself.  She successfully made two steps towards the door before pausing, feeling as if she should explain or at least try to make things right.  She turned to face him again, trying not to get distracted by his adorably rumpled hair, lidded blue eyes or look of desire that sent a bristle of pleasure right through her.

“You couldn’t handle it last time,” she told him, her voice thankfully steady and cold.  “And to be honest,” she added, looking for a vulnerable spot she could prod.  “It really wasn’t all that memorable.”  

Luke stepped forward and crushed his lips to hers again, pushing her backwards until she hit the icy wall.  When she didn’t push him away he unbuttoned her wool shirt, revealing her bare breasts and hard nipples to the icy room, making Valara shiver.  

Luke smirked.  “They seem to remember me.”

“It’s cold in here,” she claimed, lifting her chin in defiance.  

“I can warm you up,” Luke promised, cupping her breast and rubbing her nipple firmly with his thumb.  Valara shivered again, this time from desire, and couldn’t help but let out a small moan.  

Luke chuckled, squeezing her breast again.  “Not memorable, huh?” he said darkly, and Valara couldn’t help but bite her lip.  “You don’t remember this?”  He kissed her again, warm tongue sliding into her mouth and sending a bolt of pleasure leaping up from her belly.  She did remember, his touch and taste bringing back moments of sweet ecstasy she’d often lingered on at night, alone in her small cabin on _Allied Flight_.

“You want to do this here?” she asked breathlessly as he brushed his thumb over her peak again, and again.  “Your buddies are right through that wall.”

“Well don’t get too loud,” he advised, pinching her nipple and making Valara gasp.  “If you can manage it.”  

“I can handle anything you’ve got, Red Five,” she shot back, reaching for the bulge in his trousers.  But Luke’s deft hand caught her wrist, pinning it back against the icy wall and shaking his head.  

“This time I’m in control,” he said, nudging his nose against hers and looking deep into her eyes.  He was so close she felt engulfed by them, like two dark lakes she would drown in.  His voice sent a shiver down her spine, and Valara pressed her legs together at the damp heat she could feel pooling there.  

Luke traced a line with his fingers from her clavicle, down between her breasts to her stomach before resting on the seam of her pants.  He kissed her again, pressing her back against the wall until it made her shoulders feel numb.  Valara squirmed and pressed her hips forward as he unbuttoned her pants and slipped his fingers inside, smirking at her lack of underwear before pressing exquisitely against the centre of her desire.     

“You’ve been thinking about this all night, haven’t you?” Luke said, thumb circling her clit as Valara let out short, staccato gasps.  “Staring at me from across that table, pretending not to care, pretending not to want me.  Thinking that I’m still some clueless boy you can push away.”    

He probed her entrance with two fingers, urging her to spread her legs further apart with his knee to give him better access.  He pressed his body flush against hers so she was trapped between him and the wall, only leaving room for his hand to move against her.  

“I’m not a boy any longer, Valara,” he told her huskily as he thrust two fingers inside of her with expert precision.

“Oh!”  Valara gasped as her head fell back against the ice wall and her eyes fluttered closed.  “No, you’re not.”  

He was no longer timid or clumsy, his touch direct and confident, alternating between rubbing her aching clit and thrusting his fingers inside of her until he found the right spot which drove her wild.  Luke kissed her, smothering her cry of pleasure she hadn’t been able to stop, the coarseness of his jacket rubbing against her breasts as his fingers continued to move inside of her.  

“That’s it,” Luke grunted as he kissed his way down her neck and Valara began to whimper, feeling the pleasure inside of her rise like a wave about to crest.  “That it’s it, Valara, come for me.”  

Valara bit down on her lip as the wave crashed hard, clamping down on her cry of ecstasy as she shattered around Luke’s hand.  Her head lolled back against the wall again, her chest still heaving as the aftermath of pleasure thrummed through her.  She reached out to Luke to embrace him, to touch him, to give him everything he’d shared with her, but he inexplicably pulled away.  

Without his body pressed against hers she felt the freezing temperatures of the room and shivered.  Opening her eyes, she saw Luke was at the bar, fixing himself a drink.  Valara pulled her shirt around her, hastily buttoning it as an odd sense of rejection flooded through her.  She approached the bar but Luke would not meet her gaze - a clear dismissal.  

Payback, she guessed, a bitter taste in her mouth.  She’d made it all too easy for him, and was too proud to speak up, not trusting what she would say.  Instead she picked up her snow jacket from where it had been discarded and pulled it roughly on, zipping it right up to her chin before leaving the room feeling a strange sense of disappointment.    

The sabacc participants were too drunk and involved in their game to notice how long she’d been gone, and Valara slipped back into her seat hoping what had just happened didn’t show on her face.  She watched as Wedge won the next game and gloated loudly about it, leaping to his feet and performing a strange little dance.   

Valara rolled her eyes, self-consciously smoothing down her hair as a new hand was dealt.  Luke then appeared from the bar room, a swagger in his step but giving no outward appearance of what had just happened.

“Here, Valara,” he placed a glass of whiskey down in front of her.  “You forgot your drink.”

She stared straight ahead, grasping the whiskey and taking a long drink without thanking him.  

Wedge shook his head and sighed in disgust.  “You really are at home here among the ice, aren’t you Valara?”

Luke took his seat again, and Valara couldn’t help but glance at him, their eyes meeting across the table.  He smiled, causing a flutter in her stomach Valara knew she could no longer deny.


	9. Chapter 9

Two hours later, after the session had finally wrapped up and Valara was sure everyone was asleep, she crept to Luke’s room and lightly knocked on the door.  He answered a few moments later, still in his clothes but bleary-eyed and yawning.  

“Did I wake you?” Valara asked.  

He laughed and ran a hand over his eyes before giving her a look.  But then he stepped aside and gestured that she should enter.  His room was small, consisting of a bunk and not much else other than another door leading to the ‘fresher.  A small desk was built into the wall, and Valara wandered over, flicking through the hand-written journal which lay open as if it was in the middle of being studied.    

“Why are you here, Valara?” Luke asked, smoothing down his sleep-mussed hair.  

Valara turned back to him and leaned against the small desk, folding her arms.  “It seems we have unfinished business.”

“I don’t know,” Luke smiled coyly.  “I think you finished pretty well.”

Valara bit her lower lip, watching for his reaction which did not disappoint.  “And if I said I wanted more?”

Luke crossed his arms to mimic her posture, but she could see the flicker of anticipation in his eyes.  “I would be happy to oblige,” he shrugged.  “But to clarify, more what?”

Valara advanced on him, reaching up to caress his face with the back of her fingers.  “I’m sure you know the deal by now.”  She let her fingers trail down over his chest and stomach to brush against the front of his trousers.  “Or at least part of you does.”

“Maybe it’s not that easy,” Luke said darkly, although his breath hitched slightly as she began to stroke him through the fabric.  She wondered what he’d done when she’d left the bar following his surprise attack - had he finished himself off right then, or waited until he’d gotten back to his room?  Glancing over at his bunk, Valara imagined him lying there, drunk on ale and his victory over her, unzipping himself and taking his long, thick cock in his own hand, his face flushed and eyes squeezed shut, muscles in his neck and arm flexing as he got himself off thinking about her.  The thought made her wet, and Valara bit her lip to clamp down on the sudden surge of desire.  

“There’s that tell again,” Luke chuckled, gently touching her lower lip where her teeth dug into flesh and turned her face back to his.  “You’re not the bluffer you think you are, Valara.”

She squeezed his hardness gently through his trousers, and he let out a groan, his eyes flashing.    

“Neither are you,” she teased him, stroking him slowly.  

Luke leaned into her slightly, invading her personal space.  “Take off your clothes.”

Valara laughed.  “I told you, Red Five, I don’t take orders from anyone.”  She reached to unbutton him but Luke grasped her hands, spinning her around and pressing his chest against her back.  She could feel him hard against her rear, his arms holding her tightly to him.  

“You will tonight,” he whispered hotly in her ear and Valara forced herself not to shiver.  “I told you, it’s not so easy.  I'm not a toy you can discard on a whim and then pick back up whenever you feel like it.  If that’s what you want, there’s the door.”  

He released her abruptly, and Valara stared long and hard at the exit.  She knew he wasn’t bluffing - he had proved himself earlier and now he was done unless she was willing to give him a bit of her ego, to return to him the pride she’d taken before.  This was the tipping point; she’d never ceded power to a man in such a way.

Taking a deep breath, Valara turned slowly on one heel to face Luke.  He had seated himself on his bunk, leaning back on his hands and waiting for her decision.  Outwardly he looked impassive, but Valara could sense the apprehension brewing below the surface - that which his eyes could not conceal.  He wanted very badly for her to stay.           

Valara kept eye contact with him, reaching for the clasp of her snow jacket and slowly unzipping before shrugging out of the fabric and letting it drop to the floor.  Her wool shirt went next, her nipples as hard and pointed as they had been in the bar.  Luke’s eyes locked on her breasts and he licked his lips, rubbing himself through his trousers and letting out a low groan.

“Boots next,” he ordered, and Valara obliged, dropping down onto one knee to untie the laces and pull off each boot in turn.  

“Too bad,” she quipped, winking at Luke.  “It might be more interesting if I kept them on.”

“Next time,” Luke promised, his eyes on the clasp of her pants as she stood back up.  Valara considered toying with him a bit, dragging it out, but she was just as eager and so unbuttoned her pants quickly, peeling them off and throwing them aside.  

She stood naked before him, hands on hips.  “Like what you see, Skywalker?”

In a flash Luke had unzipped his pants, releasing his thick staff with a moan and pumping it a few times as he kept his eyes locked on her.  “Yes.”

She sensed the power shift and grasped it, sauntering towards him as he watched, stroking himself just as she had imagined.  Cupping his face in her hands, she drew close, their breath intermingling and their lips only inches apart.   

“Kiss me,” she demanded.  

“No,” Luke grasped her arm, standing up and forcing her to step back make space for him.  “At least not here,” he grinned, tapping her lightly on the mouth.    

A sharp bolt of excitement shot down Valara’s spine, and she let Luke shift their positions, the backs of her calves hitting the bunk and forcing her to sink down onto the mattress.  Luke retrieved a pillow and placed it at the small of her back, encouraging her to tilt, her hands reaching for the edge of the bunk to grasp onto.  

He knelt before her and she tried to capture his lips with hers but he darted away, chucking.  Valara’s huff of disappointment turned into a gasp when he instead pressed his mouth to her neck and kissed her gently, lightly sucking on her cold skin.  He murmured something against her neck but she was too turned on to care, one hand clutching at his hair, urging him on.  Luke urged her legs further apart, kissing his way down her chest before taking one pointed nipple in his mouth and sucking hard.

“Oh!” Valara almost jumped off the bed but Luke’s hands were firm on her waist, keeping her exactly where he wanted her.  He nipped lightly at her breast with his teeth, worrying her nipple and then soothing it with his tongue, making Valara smile and shiver in delight.  She’d taught him that particular trick, and was pleased to see he remembered how much she liked it.  The pleasure-pain set fire to her insides and Valara wanted more - telling him so in pitched moans and cries.  

He got the message, his lips blazing a trail of fire down her abdomen as she leaned back against the pillow, one hand in his hair and the other grasping the edge of the bunk for balance.  Luke lingered at her bellybutton, the scratch of stubble on his chin rubbing exquisitely against her sensitive skin, driving her wild with anticipation.  Valara began to buck her hips slightly, desperately trying to make contact where she needed him the most but was left frustrated, Luke placing feather-light kisses to her stomach, caressing the inside of her thighs with his thumbs.  

“Luke,” she said throatily, looking down and pulling lightly on his hair.  

Luke lifted his gaze and she tremored at the open desire.  “Still want me to kiss you?” he teased, lightly brushing her aching womanhood with his fingers.  “You should be nice to me.”

Valara was beyond games, and beyond caring.  “Luke,” she said again, although this time it sounded desperate.  “Please!”

The look he gave her was triumphant, and he kept her gaze as he lowered his head, tilting her further back and - finally- pressing his mouth to her as she cried out in pleasure and relief.  His tongue was flat and coarse and wonderful as her desire rose which each expert caress.  

“Oh, Luke, that feels so good,” she moaned, hearing him grunt happily in response as he worked her over with his lips and tongue and teeth.  “So good…”

When he began to draw circles around her clit with his tongue she could no longer keep herself upright, falling back gratefully onto the mattress.  The altered position gave Luke better access, and he hooked her legs around his neck and pressed her back against the bunk, thrusting his tongue inside her as she writhed and called for more and didn’t care who heard.  But every time Valara felt she was close, Luke would pull back slightly, enough to bring her back down from the ledge onto to work her back up again, setting her up into a holding pattern until she was digging her heels into his back and pulling on his hair and begging him to finish her.    

“Please, Luke,” she practically sobbed, her head thrown back against the mattress and her back arched.  “Please!”

He took her clit into his mouth again, flicking it with a pointed tongue as Valara began to come apart, a tight pressure in her core about to burst.  Then Luke gently rolled his tongue and sheathed her clit, sucking lightly on the sensitised nub.   

“Fuck!” she cried out, her back arching off the bed.  Who had taught him to do _that_?  He did it again and that was the end of her, her entire body shaking as she came with such force she thought she would snap her spine.  Pleasure rolled over her in intense waves, and she lay bonelessly back on the bed, trying to catch her breath.    

However Luke didn’t give her the reprieve, as Valara found herself being flipped over until she lay face down on the bunk, her breasts pressed against the mattress, the pillow under her stomach and her ass up in the air.  She soon felt Luke behind her, caressing her rear and hips, his hard cock pressing against her flesh as his thighs urged her legs further apart.    

“Do you want me?” he asked, leaning over her and brushing aside her hair so he could mutter into her ear.  

“Yes,” she whispered.  “Oh, yes.”

He entered her with one fluid stroke, Valara clutching the blankets and slamming her eyes shut at the feel of him inside of her again.  She’d thought of it so often, remembering the ecstasy of him, thick and hard, thrusting inside of her.  It was something she’d been unable to replicate by  herself or with others, and it wasn’t until he began to move that she realised just how much she had missed it.  Her orgasm was still thrumming inside her, merging with fresh desire which began to build with each slam of his hips against her thighs and each of his harsh breaths in her ear.  

It was fast and hard; almost feral in its intensity.  Her knuckles were white from grasping the blankets but she had little control, Luke held her hips tightly as he pounded into her again and again, straightening so he could go deeper, his rock-hard staff filling her in a way which was transcendent.  Valara gave herself over to it willingly, for once ceding control and taking pleasure in return, calling out in abandon as he fucked her mercilessly.

Just when she felt the peak begin to approach again, Luke reached between her legs and rubbed his fingers hard against her clit, sending her toppling over the edge and into ecstasy once more.  He thrust into her again and let out a strangled groan, hand tightening hard on her hip as he came, his hips slowing as he covered her body with his again, his forehead resting lightly between her shoulder blades and his hot breath on her back.     

Valara was too exhausted and sated to move, but eventually Luke gathered her in his arms and lay them both down on the bed and pulled the blankets up over them.  He brushed his fingers over her face, her hair, her shoulders and sides gently as Valara sighed and opened her eyes.  Her equilibrium was returning, and although she was still in the afterglow of orgasm, she was curious about his behaviour.      

“So...not that I didn’t enjoy it,” she said lightly.  “But have you got the revenge fuck out of your system?”

“Was it...too much?” Luke asked, suddenly seeming rather bashful, quite different from the confidence he’d just displayed.  “I guess I got a bit carried away.”

“No, I liked it,” she said, stroking his hair softly.  “Not what I expected from you, but I liked it.”

“Good,” Luke grinned, looking very pleased with himself.  He stroked her face and then leaned in to kiss her for the first time since she had entered the room.  It was gentle, his lips moving over hers slowly as he ran his fingers over the skin of her back.  His touch was tender despite the coarseness of his hands, roughened from years of manual labour.  Valara liked the contradiction, leaning into his caress as she kissed him back with fervor.

When they parted Luke was smiling, his fingers continuing their exploration down her arms. He flipped over her hand and kissed the inside of her palm, his finger brushing lightly against the brand on her wrist, her flesh seared with a symbol she could never forget.  

“What’s this?” he asked, tracing it lightly. Valara felt the bile raise in her throat and she pulled away, drawing in her arms against her chest.  
 ****  
“A reminder,” she told him, and thankfully he picked up the warning in her tone. He settled back in the bunk beside her but thankfully said nothing. The brand was hot on her wrist, and Valara covered it with her other hand, grasping around for a lighter subject.  
 ****  
“You’re a bit more...experienced than last time,” she settled on eventually. "Not that I'm complaining."  
 ****  
"There have been...yes," Luke admitted, and Valara smiled to herself. That much, she had guessed.  
 ****  
"Tell me." She shifted closer to him, thankful for the distraction as she remembered one particular topic which had been on her mind.  
 ****  
"Why do you want to know?" His brow was furrowed and he looked reluctant. The teasing from the Rogues earlier had proved he wasn’t one to kiss and tell, and yet...  
 ****  
"Let's call it sheer morbid curiosity."  
 ****  
“Well…” he began, shifting slightly to lie on his back and stare at the ceiling. “Not long after you there was a girl - we were on a mission together. Her name was Nakari. I...cared for her.” His face scrunched up a little and he blinked, swallowing heavily.  
 ****  
He didn’t need to explain what happened - Valara knew. What always happens. She kissed his shoulder and sighed. “I’m sorry.”  
 ****  
“That's when I thought, you know, maybe you had the right idea,” Luke added, turning his face back to her. “About not letting things get complicated. There have been a few women since then.”  
 ****  
"Leia?" Valara asked, knowing she had to tread lightly.  
 ****  
Luke gave her a knowing look. "So that was why you brought it up - you could've just asked, you know."  
 ****  
"The whole Rebellion is speculating," Valara pointed out, a little annoyed at herself for being so obvious. "You haven't exactly said anything so far."  
 ****  
Luke was silent for a long time. "Leia and I are very close, and I love her dearly," he said eventually, not looking at her.  "But do I feel about her the way I do you, or any of the other women I've been with? No."  
 ****  
Despite herself, Valara felt her heart sink a little bit. "Because it's something more?"  
 ****  
"Yes, but not in the way you think."  
 ****  
"I don't know what I think," she said lightly. Leia Organa was one of the few people Valara both liked and respected - she had a disdain for Imperials and fervor to destroy them Valara quite admired. She’d heard the rumors of course, and wouldn’t have blamed Luke if he was in love with the Princess - so was most of the fleet and, according to the scuttlebutt, the smuggler trash Solo they’d scooped up along the way.  
 ****  
But clearly the topic of Leia was off limits, and Valara respected those boundaries - she had enough of her own she would rather keep intact, and so didn’t dare try and breach his.  
 ****  
“So you’re a Commander now,” she said softly, running her fingers lightly through his hair as she gently pushed it away from his face. “You named your group Rogue Squadron.”  
 ****  
“Yes,” Luke leaned into her touch. “I told you I liked the name - you were the first Rogue.”  
 ****  
“Rogue One,” Valara said wistfully.  
 ****  
“Even though I was mad at you at the time,” Luke said sheepishly. “I still thought it was right...you should be honoured even if the Alliance won’t do it officially.”  
 ****  
“There’s that farmboy,” she said, a warmth alighting in her heart. “You haven’t lost him completely.”  
 ****  
“I guess not,” Luke muttered, and for a moment he seemed very far away. Did he want to purge that side of himself, to dismiss his youth as something to be ashamed of and forgotten? Of all people, Valara understood that. But she said nothing, and Luke snapped his attention back to her as quickly as it had drifted, giving her a bashful smile.  
 ****  
“So where do we go from here?” he asked.  
 ****  
Valara laughed. “Always looking ahead, Skywalker,” she chided him. “Can’t you just enjoy the moment?”  
  
Luke shrugged and was unoffended. “I like to know where I stand.”  
 ****  
“Where do you want to go?” she asked, genuinely curious.  
 ****  
"We could be friends.”  
 ****  
“I suppose,” Valara shifted in the bed to lie on her back, resting her head against the pillow. "I've never really had a friend before."  
 ****  
Luke raised himself up, leaning on his elbow as he regarded her. "Not even when you were young?"  
 ****  
"At the orphanage, and...after, you either had allies or enemies. There was no in between." Valara gave him a look to indicate for him to drop it.  
 ****  
“I can be your ally, Valara,” Luke said gently, taking her hand. “No strings, or complications, or expectations. I’ll just be here...if you need me.”  
 ****  
His earnestness should have been off putting, but Valara found herself unable to make fun of him. “And same to you,” she found herself promising.  
 ****  
“But do me a favour,” Luke looked at her pleadingly. “Be nicer to Wedge, okay?”  
 ****  
“I’m completely ambivalent to Antilles,” Valara said with an amused laugh. "He's the one who hates _me_.”  
 ****  
“But you know why,” Luke prodded her. “Do you blame him?”  
 ****  
“That was a long time ago,” Valara shrugged, and then gave him a teasing smile. “If I didn’t know better I’d say he was jealous.”  
 ****  
“I’m serious,” Luke said, not taking the bait. “He’s my best friend.”  
 ****  
Valara raised her eyebrows. “What about that good-for-nothing smuggler?”  
 ****  
“Han? Yeah, he’s my best friend, too.”  
 ****  
“Skywalker,” she chastised him. “Only _one_  can be the best - it means better than all the others.”  
 ****  
Luke smiled and kissed her temple. “I don’t think like that.”  
 ****  
“You don’t think like anyone,” Valara grumbled, turning over to face the wall and nuzzling her cheek against the pillow. Luke shifted behind her and she could feel the heat of his body but not the touch of his skin, save for his coarse fingers as they ran gently down her arm.  
 ****  
“I have a confession to make,” he said softly, and Valara stiffened, dreading what he might say. Things had been going so well!  
 ****  
“Oh?” she asked, trying to keep her voice indifferent.  
 ****  
“I...lost my X-Wing.”  
 ****  
It was the last thing she had expected him to say, and Valara turned back around to face him curiously. “How careless of you,” she said lightly.  
 ****  
The corner of Luke’s mouth twitched, but he remained serious as if he was confessing his deepest sins to her. “Lost is the wrong word I suppose - I destroyed her.”  
 ****  
That was intriguing - she knew how much an X-Wing meant to her pilot, Valara more than most since she had once owned that particular ship. “How?”  
 ****  
“I was on Vrogas Vas some time ago for a training exercise, when Vader showed up.” His demeanor became cold and Valara almost shivered even though the temperature of the room had not changed. The name still frightened her, recalling of long hours of training that in hindsight she knew to be torture, and she rubbed her neck trying to will away the memory.  
 ****  
“He destroyed Blue and Yellow squadrons in a matter of minutes, and I knew I couldn’t win in a dogfight. So I…” Luke looked down a bit shamefully, dark blonde hair falling in his eyes. “I rammed his ship with mine.”  
 ****  
Valara threw her head back and laughed. She couldn’t stop, holding her aching stomach as she laughed longer and harder than she’d done in years - perhaps ever. Luke began to laugh as well, a bemused chuckle at first but then joining in, putting his arms around her and drawing her close as the laughed into each other and with each other until they ran out of breath.  
 ****  
Still giggling, Luke gently wiped the tears from her eyes and kissed her nose. “I thought you’d be mad.”  
 ****  
“Why?” Valara shrugged through her dying chuckles. “I would have done the same thing. Except you survived where I probably wouldn’t have.”  
 ****  
Luke sighed, looking troubled as his mirth faded. “It’s a long story.”  
 ****  
“I have time,” she said. “When do you leave?”  
 ****  
“Soon,” Luke brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “Our mission was to scout the area, but our X-Wings struggle with the cold.”  
 ****  
Valara nodded - she’d been sent to Hoth to establish what ships would be required if they built a permanent base there. “There’s some Imperial-issue speeders we can probably get our hands on. They’re not designed for such low temperatures, but we can probably adapt them. I have to report back to Allied Flight tomorrow,” she added regretfully.  
 ****  
“Well,” Luke drew her closer and into a kiss. “We better make the most of tonight.”  
  
It didn’t occur to her until she’d left the next day that he never told her about what had happened on Vrogas Vas.


	10. Chapter 10

**3 ABY - Allied Flight, in orbit around Anoat**

Luke Skywalker pulled an Alliance-issued cap down low over his eyes as he walked through the Flight Academy, trying to remain inconspicuous.  It was difficult, with his bounty poster in almost every civilised system which, much to Luke’s chagrin, had seemed to double as an Alliance propaganda.  Madine had made a point that his notoriety had almost doubled their piloting recruits since he had been outed to the galaxy as the man who destroyed the Death Star.  Luke had even been asked to autograph the his reward poster on more than one occasion.  

He soon found the room her was looking for, happily finding that the lights were already out and the class about to start, slipping into a seat at the back.  At the front of the classroom was a holoprojection of X-Wing fighters and the words “Welcome New Recruits” in Aurebesh.  In front of him two such cadets were talking in hushed tones, one checking her chrono and muttering that their instructor was late.   

However at that very moment the door behind the holo slid open and Valara walked briskly into the room.  

“I’m Commander Valara, and yes that’s my first name,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest.  “No, I don’t have a last name.  You may call me Commander or Ma’am, and I prefer the former.”  She gestured to the holoprojection behind her.  “I am about to show you a very trite and useless film that is meant to make you feel very good about choosing to join the Rebellion and in particular the starfighter program.  Try not to let it go to your head.”

Luke smothered a smile with one hand, trying not to attract attention to himself.  The two cadets in front of him shared a bemused look as the holofilm began to play - triumphant music, majestic shots of X-Wings in flight, and a voiceover reminding them all of the atrocities of the Empire and the recent victories of the Alliance.  His attention to wandered to Valara, where the bottom of the projection played across her face.  She seemed to be staring blankly but Luke knew she was watching the gathered cadets, her examination of them already begun.  Luke ducked his head and hoped the rim of his cap was enough to conceal his face.  

“Alright, enough of that shavit,” Valara declared, shutting off the film in the middle of the final speech imploring the cadets to take up the cause.  “Let’s start with the basics,” she continued, clicking her little remote to bring up an X-Wing on the holoprojection.  “This is an X-Wing, so named for the shape of the S-foils when locked in attack position.  You wouldn’t think I’d have to explain that, but I’ve been doing this for some time and have heard every stupid question you can imagine.”  Valara leaned back on the console behind her, her stern countenance relaxing slightly.    

“So don’t be afraid to ask me to explain anything you don’t understand  - I’ve probably been asked something far more ridiculous and you don’t want to be out there in the dark with your oxygen running out wishing you hadn’t been afraid to look like an idiot in front of your friends.  Trust me, I’ve spent years around pilots and have known plenty of idiots.  I doubt any of you will crack the top ten.”

There was a general twittering throughout the room, but Valara gave them a stern look.  “I’m not trying to entertain you,” she said, her voice slightly sharp.  “I’m here to prepare you, and this is lesson number one.  Don’t show off in my class, no one is impressed, least of all me.  I don’t care how well you flew your father’s speeder or how many points you got playing flight sims in some bar.  In my eyes you all know exactly the same: nothing, and it’s my job to make you into competent X-Wing pilots.  So listen, ask questions and focus on your training as if your life depended on it, because one day it will.”

The cadets in front of Luke gave each other looks that seemed half fear, half awe.  The whole room was silent save for two male cadets in the front row who seemed to be sharing a private joke of some kind.  Valara switched off the holoprojection and brought the lights back up, visibly bristling as she stood up and slowly walked towards the pair.        

“You think this is funny?” she asked, looming above the formerly snickering cadet with her hands on her hips.

“Yeah,” the cadet said, folding his arms and looking up at her definitely.  “You can save the lecture for these saps, sweetheart.  Just put me in an X-Wing, and I’ll blow those Imps out of the sky.”  His companion laughed and slapped him on the back, but Valara glowered at them.

“Just like that, huh?” she asked, clearly steaming but the cadet was too stupid to notice.

“They might as well give me my medal now,” the cadet grinned.  “It will save time.”

“If you’re not ready and willing to die, alone, in the cold depths of space, then this isn’t the place for you,” she told them, her voice like steel.  “Go join the communications sector, or become a deck officer, or a systems analyst - there’s honour in those roles albeit little glory.  But a pilot is not role you choose on a whim, because the propaganda made it look like oh so much fun.”

She looked up and around at the collected cadets.  “The truth is half of you sitting in this room will probably be dead in a year, because you will fly on the front lines and be tasked with the most dangerous missions.  If you can accept those odds and have the skills, you just might make it through basic training.  If not, I’m happy to arrange a transfer for you.”

Her gaze returned to the troublemaker, eyes flashing dangerously as the cadet squirmed in his seat.  “I’ve seen a hundred boys like you - cocksure and absolutely convinced in their own ability.  Trust me, they’re usually the first to die.”

Luke had heard enough.  “You make it sound so tempting, Commander.”

There was a general murmuring around the room, wondering who would dare question Valara when she’d dealt so effectively with the last interruption.  But Luke knew from her smile she had recognised his voice, and she looked up to where he sat.    

"Well it seems we have a special guest," she indicated up to him, and Luke pulled of his cap to the gasps and delighted chatter of the class. "I’d wager the reason half of you are sitting in this room,” she added as he rose and walked down to her past awed students.  “Luke Skywalker himself."

“I thought I’d come check out the latest batch of recruits,” Luke said with a grin as he stopped beside her.  “With your permission, Commander.”

Valara gestured that he should take the floor, and he was relieved to see that she was amused, not annoyed.  Luke turned back to the class and rubbed his hands together as Valara resumed her place leaning against the console.  

“She’s right, you know,” he said conversationally, throwing the troublesome cadet a reprimanding glance.  “Being a pilot is dangerous, and I’ve lost more friends than I can count in battle.  It’s hard work, too, so you need to be prepared to study, to learn strategy, how to follow orders and be aware not only of your own life, but that of your droids and your wingmates.”  Luke looked around the room at the faces rapt with attention, seeing the same stars in their eyes he’d once had at the thought of flying his very own ship.  “But it’s worth it.”  

“Sir?”  A timid-looking young woman in the front row raised her hand.  “I mean, Commander Skywalker?”

“Yes?”

“Is it true you’re a Jedi?”  She glanced down to where his lightsaber hung, her eyes then darting with excitement back to his face.  Luke looked over at Valara, whose mouth was a firm line, but she shrugged as if to say it wasn’t her business.  

“I hope to be one someday,” he told the young woman, thinking back to his mission to Devaron, and the Jedi Temple he’d found there.  He’d made a vow that he would return one day, and Luke was as resolute in that promise as the one he’d made to Obi-Wan to become a Jedi.  

“My mother told me about the Jedi,” the woman enthused.  “She said that they could do the impossible with just a flick of their hand.  Is that how you destroyed the Death Star, sir?”

“It helped,” Luke conceded.  “But you don’t need the Force to accomplish what at first seems impossible - my teammates in Rogue Squadron don’t have the Force, and I’ve seen every one of them do amazing things in an X-Wing.  Or ask your Commander here how she once assaulted an Imperial Base and stole the Death Star plans,” he gestured to Valara.  “At the time everyone said it couldn’t be done, but here she is, able to tell the tale, if you ask her nicely.”  He winked at her, which earned him a scowl in response.  “Very nicely,” he added.

“Sir?” A male Twi’lek raised his hand and Luke nodded to him.  “How did it feel flying against the Death Star?”

“Terrifying,” Luke told them, the mere memory enough to make his heart beat faster.  “There’s nothing that can prepare you for losing your squad mates up there.  That’s the thing about a pilot’s life - you will lose friends, you’ll have sleepless nights thinking about how your wingman died to save your life, and you won’t know if you can handle it until it happens.”  

“So..what do you do, sir?” a wide-eyed female Rodian asked.  “How do you cope?”

Luke sighed deeply, not wanting to discourage their enthusiasm.  “You remind yourself what you’re fighting for,” he told the young woman.  “You find happiness in the little things,” he added, throwing Valara a smile.  “And you have hope that one day it will all be worth it.”

“Alright, alright,” Valara waved her hand.  “I think we’ve scared them sufficiently, Commander.”  She turned back to her class.  “Now, who would like to see Luke Skywalker show us a thing or two in the simulator?”

Luke laughed as every hand in the room shot up, leaving him unable to refuse.  

 

* * *

 

Watching Luke in the flight simulator there was no doubt in Valara’s mind that he was the best pilot she’d ever seen.  He’d been in there for over an hour, beating sim after sim with apparent ease as the collection of cadets watched on in awe.  His reaction times were incredible, almost as if he anticipated the enemy’s movements and there was strange longing in Valara’s mind, wondering what it would be like to see him fly up among real stars.   

But it was foolish, she scolded herself, as unproductive and painful as thoughts about ever flying an X-WIng again herself.  It only reminded Valara of what she’d lost.  When she'd first joined the Rebellion her score in the simulator had been the highest ever - unbroken for years until a fifteen year old Wedge Antilles beat her by one point, and then Skywalker surpassed them both on Yavin.

When she’d recovered from her injuries after retrieving the Death Star plans she’d demanded that Alliance High Command let her try the simulator again, to prove that she could handle it.  But she'd been far too slow, unable to focus and distinguish friendlies from the enemy - she'd shot down two of her simulated squad before they stopped the test. They'd offered her the position of Flight Master as a consolation and Valara accepted, despite how painful she knew it would be to send off new recruits to missions she would never be allowed to join.

Watching Luke was even worse - he was the man who had supplanted her so effectively that she really should hate him.  It still made her wonder exactly why she didn’t.

“Alright,” Valara said eventually, checking her chrono and shutting down the simulator.  “Everyone thank Commander Skywalker for the demonstration, and come back tomorrow ready to work hard.”

She allowed her students a few minutes as Luke shook each of their hands and wished them luck.  He had that genuine charm that made each of them feel important rather than simply faces in a crowd, as if he was truly interested in the stories they told him about how they’d come to the Rebellion. But then, Valara considered, he likely was.

Eventually the cadets all drifted away, and they were left alone, with Luke lounging casually against the bulk of the flight simulator.  “It’s good to see you again, Valara,” he said softly.  “Sorry I disrupted your lesson.”

Valara laughed and folded her arms over her chest.  “No you’re not.”

Luke shrugged and gave her a wry smile.  “I like to meet the cadets - we were all starry-eyed recruits once.”

Even her, Valara thought to herself, although not with the Rebellion.  “Is Echo Base all set up?” she changed the subject and approached Luke.  

“I’m on my way there now,” Luke nodded, hooking one thumb through his belt loop and leaning back further against the simulator.  “They’ve yet to activate the energy shield, but most of the fleet’s settled there.”

“Well I can’t say I envy you,” Valara said, since it had been decided _Allied Flight_ would remained stationed at Anoat, a few systems away from Hoth.  In the event the Empire found the base it made sense to keep the flight ship away from the main fleet.  “I hope you’ve found someone to keep you warm since I can’t be there,” she teased.

“Nah,” Luke elbowed her lightly.  “Just Wedge.”

“Oh really?” Valara turned towards him, raising one eyebrow.  “Well, I had heard rumors...”

“Not like that,” Luke laughed.  “The Base is a bit crowded so we have to room together.  It’s taken some getting used to, though.  He snores.”

“I hate to tell you this, Skywalker, but so do you,” Valara teased.  “You’re perfect for each other.”

“Is that why you’re always in such a rush to leave afterwards?” Luke asked, slightly more seriously.

“No,”  Valara shifted closer to him, hooking her hand in the crook of his arm and resting her head lightly against his shoulder as they leaned back on the flight simulator.  “I just like to sleep alone.  I never got the chance in the orphanage - they packed a hundred souls into a sleeping room and it was never quiet, even in the depths of night.”

“You’ve never really known quiet until you’ve been to Tatooine,” Luke said softly.  “After dark my Uncle Owen would shut down the generator and then there would be nothing - the desert is silent as a grave at night.”

“Sounds peaceful."  

“You’d think so,” Luke shrugged.  “But it’s an oppressive silence - almost too quiet to think.”

Valara found it hard to imagine.  She’d lived on Coruscant most of her life, the city with a constant heartbeat where silence was foreign and never fully achieved.  It was difficult to picture a desert of sand and rock with not a soul for miles, although it seemed rather appealing.  

“I’ll have to go there one day,” she said and squeezed his arm lightly.  “You could even play tour guide.”

But Luke stiffened at her words.  “I’m never going back there,” he said shortly, and Valara realised it was one of those subjects that was off-limits.  They’d worked out a good system over the past few months, and if one of them trod into dangerous territory, they would quickly retreat and say no more about it.      

“I finally beat your score,” Valara said, slipping out of his arm and turning to face him fully.  “In the simulator.”

Luke laughed and ducked his head, his unease melting away instantly.  “Congratulations.”

“It was a hollow victory,” she admitted, running her fingers over the hull of the simulator lightly and looking away.  “I know the system now and all the tricks.  There’s no one better than me at this simulator, I know every inch of space and every enemy inside it.  But put me in an actual ship?  I wouldn’t be able to keep up.”

She didn’t realise Luke had moved to embrace her until his arms were already around her, his hands stroking her back and his cheek pressed against her hair.  Valara stiffened at first, and then let herself relax into him, having discovered in the past few months that there was little need to keep up her bravado around him like she did with everyone else.  Of course, she couldn’t tell him everything, but in the silence they seemed to comfort one another better than any heartfelt confession would.  

He would speak sometimes, and she would listen, about his life growing up on the farm, about many nights going hungry during a scant harvest, about his missions and his hopes for the future.  He never asked for her to say anything in return, although she could tell he hoped she would.  Occasionally she would speak briefly about her life in the orphanage and her time in the Imperial Academy that followed, of the years she spent in the Rebellion before she met him.  It was piecemeal information, carefully holding back that which she could not bear to speak.  But it was the moments when they held each other in silence that she found the most pleasant - a brief port in the storm that raged around them.     

“You know,” he said softly as he stroked her hair.  “It’s a shame we never got to fly together.”  He pulled back slightly so he could look at her, and Valara saw the longing in his gaze.  Gently, he touched his thumb to the side of her eye, stroking the soft skin which bore no evidence of the damage she’d once suffered.  “One day, maybe,” he added wistfully.  

“Why not today?” she suggested, nodding to the simulator and trying to escape a conversation which had become slightly uncomfortable.  

Luke laughed and took her hand, pulling her into the simulator eagerly - perhaps realising that he’d touched a sensitive nerve.  The space was small, designed to replicate the close quarters of an X-Wing cockpit, but Luke slid back in the seat far enough to allow Valara to slip in behind him, pressing her back against his chest and his legs bracketing hers.  She pulled the controls towards her, and for a moment Luke’s hands covered hers before flittering down to rest on her thighs.

“Show me what you’ve got, Commander,” he said, his mouth so close to her ear he had to speak in a whisper.  Valara switched on the simulator and the screens around them lit up in a cloud of stars and blaster fire, throwing them into the midst of a battle.  It was the hardest sim but Valara beat it easily, shooting down her enemies as soon as they appeared, ducking out of enemy fire like it was second nature and finishing the program without a hit against her.

“Child’s play,” she declared as the sim reloaded.  She relinquished the controls to Luke and leaned back against his chest to give him room to grasp them.  It was thrilling, to watch him fly, his instincts to well honed that a streak of envy rushed through her.  It must be his Force abilities, she realised, that one subject which they never discussed.  Luke must have figured out how much it unsettled her and so never brought it up, although Valara could see how important it was to him.  He wore his father’s lightsaber on his hip always, and sometimes she could see him staring intently at someone or something, and knew he was reaching out through the Force.  One day, she might be able to talk about it, but there were still too many secrets locked in Valara’s heart that she simply wasn’t ready to share - and she didn’t think he was ready to hear.  

“Well done, Red Five,” she said as the sim ended.  “But not as good as me.”

“Rogue Leader,” he reminded her, his hands drifting down from the controls to grasp hers.  “And you’ve had more practice.”

“True,” Valara conceded sadly.  “But this is as close as I’m ever going to get to flying again, so I’ll take it.”

“You will fly again one day,” he said softly, his hands squeezing hers.  “I can feel it.”

“Careful Luke,” she warned him, shaking off his hands and grasping the control again.  “A little hope is a dangerous thing.”

“ _You’re_ a dangerous thing,” he whispered in her ear, his voice noticeably deeper.  Valara started up the sim again, her focus on the starscape before her.  For a minute Luke’s hands lingered over hers on the controls and together they flew in tandem, weaving in and out of blaster fire, shooting down enemy vessels and soaring upwards through space.  But then his hands trickled down her arms as he shifted behind her, pressing himself close and leaving her with no doubt what was on his mind.  

Valara continued to fly and didn’t flinch until Luke undid the buttons on her shirt, pulling the fabric aside and resting his chin on her shoulder so he could look at the bra which encased her breasts.  

“And here I thought you had a no underwear rule too,” he teased her, palming her breast through the material.     

Valara gasped, banking right with her simulated ship in surprise and almost crashing into her wingmate.  “I didn’t know you were coming,” she said, getting her shop back in course and firing at the enemy.  

Luke chuckled in her ear, sending a shiver of pleasure right through her.  “You’ll know soon enough.”

She was fond this side of him - the side she liked to think he showed only her.  “Is that a promise?”

“Let’s find out,” Luke replied, locating the front clasp of her bra and unhooking it, spreading apart the material and then grasping her breasts with both hands and squeezing.

Valara let out a little squeak and bit down on her lip hard, trying to keep her breathing in check and focus on the sim.  She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of distracting her into a low score.  

“You’re a cheat,” she said breathlessly as she blew up a TIE fighter.  “These aren’t...mmmm...standard flying conditions.”

“No, but it seemed like you needed a challenge,” Luke said, dipping his head to kiss her shoulder and then lightly draw the skin into his mouth.  The pressure combined with his calloused thumbs dragged over her nipples was the more exquisite torture, but Valara was able to keep focus on the sim, barrel-rolling away from an enemy and taking down another TIE.  

When he unbuttoned her trousers and slipped his hand inside to caress her Valara faltered, almost flying head-on into a Star Destroyer.  Luke began to touch her gently, then increasing his pressure and pace until she was gripping the controls so hard her knuckles were white.  Still she vowed not to give in - only two enemy ships left and then she could close her eyes and give herself over the the pleasure of Luke’s nimble fingers.  

“You have one on your tail,” Luke whispered and then sucked lightly on her earlobe.  “Falstaff’s maneuver.”

She still had the presence of mind to follow his instruction, even though his hand was moving faster against her and she was careening towards the edge.  Relaxing her grip on the controls, Valara let her ship wobble, feinting that she’d lost control before careening upward and behind over the enemy pursuing her, blowing it out of the sky.  

“Almost there,” Luke coaxed her as his fingers rubbed her and his hand squeezed her breast.  Valara pressed her legs together, desperate to finish in more ways than one, pressing down on the fire button again and again in an attempt to destroy the sole remaining TIE fighter.  She whimpered but kept her grip, increasing her speed as Luke worked her over, muttering encouragement in her ear as she locked onto her target.   

The ship exploded in a blaze of fire, light dancing before her eyes as her body followed, the explosion seeming to resonate from within as she let out a triumphant cry and then fell back bonelessly into Luke’s embrace.  

She finally closed her eyes and sighed deeply, her head lolling back against his shoulder as she let post-orgasmic bliss roll over her.  

“Top marks, Skywalker,” she said between breaths.  Luke’s warm chuckle felt wonderful in her ear, and his warm hands traced patterns over her stomach.  

“Do I go to the head of the class?”

“Oh, Skywalker.”  Valara turned in his embrace, resting her hands on her chest and kissing him.  “You’re already there.”

Luke laughed against her mouth and then kissed her deeply, his warm lips and hot tongue like rays of sunshine which threatened to burn.  Valara pressed kisses down his chin and throat, unzipping his jacket and running her hands up and under his skintight shirt.  She slid down his body, kneeling on the cramped floor of the simulator as Luke moved his legs apart to accommodate her.   

His erection was straining against the fabric of his pants, and Valara ran her fingers lightly over the bulge.  “Let’s see how you go in the sim while being distracted.”

“No thanks,” he said, reaching forward to brush her hair behind her ear.  “I’d rather watch you.”

Valara grinned, pleased enough to stop teasing and unbutton him.  His hardness sprang free and she licked her lips, taking him in her hand and slowly working it up and down.  She kept direct eye contact with him, and Luke pulled her hair from its tie to let it tumble over her shoulders.  Then he ran his fingers through it in time with her even strokes, his breathing growing heavy as she leaned forward to lick him from base to tip.  

Luke moaned and clutched at her hair, pressing his hips forward against her mouth.  Valara allowed herself the satisfaction of teasing him, licking his shaft before sucking on his head ever so lightly, her eyes on his as she watched him watch her.  

“Valara,” Luke almost growled.  “Come on.”

Knowing she’d won, Valara smiled, caressing the base of him softly before taking his length into her mouth, her lips sliding down over him inch by inch.  Luke swore and when she looked up again his head was thrown back, eyes squeezed tightly shut as his chest heaved.  He grasped her hair again, urging her on and Valara was happy to oblige, sheathing him with her mouth and relaxing her throat to take him deeper.  Her hands grasped his thighs for leverage, her head bobbing up and down as his hips bucked against her mouth and he was so close she can taste it.     

Soon he was coming in hot spurts and she took it all, milking every last drop until she finally released him and wiped her mouth.  Luke was still breathing heavily, but he opened his eyes and they were bright blue, looking down at her with awe.  Valara propped her elbows up on his legs, forming a shelf for her chin and giving him a self-satisfied grin in return.  

“Don’t tangle with the Flight Master, Luke,” she said.  “I told you, no one’s better than me at this simulator.”

Luke laughed and tugged on her arm, bringing her back onto his lap.  “I believe you.”


	11. Chapter 11

**4 ABY - Alliance medical frigate, deep space**  
  
  
Valara felt a tight knot form in the pit of her stomach as she walked the white hallways of the Alliance medical frigate. Although she’d been stationed on the  _Home One_ and not the Medstar-class ship after Yavin, the medward smell was the same everywhere; a nausea-inducing mix of antiseptic, bacta and death. But she swallowed heavily and walked faster, pushing aside unpleasant memories to that dark place in the corner of her mind that was unfortunately getting rather full.   
  
She’d had to bribe a nurse one hundred credits to tell her where Luke’s assigned quarters were, and when Valara knocked on the door it slid open almost immediately to reveal a gold-cased protocol droid.  
  
“Oh, Commander Valara,” Threepio spluttered in that high-pitched voice of his. “I am terribly sorry, but Master Luke is resting, and I have been instructed not to allow any visitors.”  
  
Valara had only met the droid once or twice, and knew she had no hope of convincing him to make an exception in her case - to his mechanical brain she was simply one of his Master’s colleagues but no one of great importance. They’d been too discreet.   
  
“Let her in, Threepio,” Leia’s warm voice called from within, and the droid obediently stepped aside to allow Valara to enter the room. She immediately noticed it was a suite, a collection of lounges around a caf-table to one side, a floor-to-ceiling viewport which opened up to the stars, and a round sitting table near a small kitchenette where Leia sat facing the door.   
  
She was wearing a simple white gown, her dark hair drawn up into a bun and her attention on a small wooden puzzle box in her hands; fingers flowing deftly over the moving parts as she worked towards solving it. Despite her concentration, there were signs of distress around Leia’s eyes and mouth, the very image of a woman struggling to keep herself together. She looked like she hadn’t slept in a week.   
  
Valara hooked her thumbs in the pockets of her trousers and waited patiently for Leia to acknowledge her, feeling rather like she was intruding on a private moment. The rumors were scant of course - capture by Vader, torture, Han Solo gone and Luke severely injured. She could see it all in Leia’s face, that which she kept so carefully concealed. But Valara knew what to look for, knew what it felt like to have your soul fractured and perhaps damaged beyond repair.   
  
“My mother used to give me these,” Leia spoke without looking up from her puzzle box, her voice was characteristically cool and measured “I was always a fidgety child, and so rather than tell me to sit still she would hand me one to keep my mind occupied. She always used to say that any problem could be overcome, if one looked at it like a puzzle box. The solution is always there, one just needs to find it.”   
  
Leia’s fingers shifted two pieces of the box at once, letting out a satisfied puff of air as they snapped into place. “Often she and I would work on them together, even in her throne room, and people would always say how much I looked like her.” The final pieces slid into their respective slots and the puzzle was solved. “Of course, I knew how silly that was,” Leia added as she placed the box down on the table and looked up at Valara. “I was adopted, you know.”  
  
“I know,” Valara said carefully. It had never been a secret, at least on Coruscant. In fact, there had often been sneers among the Imperial Court that Bail Organa had not been able to provide his Queen with a natural-born daughter, and they had resorted to adopting a war orphan. Of course, Valara had been a war orphan too, although several years older than Leia and dumped into one of Coruscant’s many orphanages rather than taken in by royalty.   
  
People would say Leia was the lucky one, but Valara had never watched her entire planet be blown up before her eyes, and she had lost her family before she had ever known them. That made things easier.   
  
“Luke’s resting,” Leia said, folding her hands in front of her on the table and nodding to the chair opposite her. Valara slid into the seat and mimicked Leia’s posture, still not quite sure whether she was being tested or not. How much did Leia know about her and Luke?  
  
“I came as soon as I heard,” Valara told her, unsure of why she wanted Leia’s approval. Luke had disappeared after the evacuation from Hoth, or so the rumors went. She’d had to swallow her pride and ask Wedge Antilles what he knew, and after a few drinks he spilled that he’d spoken briefly to Luke before they’d all left for the rendezvous point.  
  
 _“Something about he had something he needed to do, and he wanted me to take control of the squad,” Wedge had told her, his casual disregard an obvious front. “I asked if it was a Force thing and he did that little funny smile of his, you know? Didn’t say when he’d be back.”_  
  
Evidently Leia, Han Solo and Chewbacca had also failed to check in at the rendezvous, but even after being plied with a few more glasses of whiskey Wedge hadn’t been able to give her any information about where they were, or whether Luke was with them. Then he’d called her a void spider and a hypocrite for coming to him for information, and Valara had taken her leave.   
  
Several weeks had gone by before word reached her of their return - in pretty bad shape, sans Solo and with some smuggler named Calrissian in tow. She’d applied for clearance immediately to hop over to the medical frigate from  _Allied Flight_ , an easy enough task now that the fleet had reassembled.   
  
Leia stared at her from across the table, her eyes clear and head held high, and yet Valara noticed the slight tremor at the side of her mouth, the slight movement of her clasped hands trying to keep her grip. Something had changed irreparably in the past few weeks, and the Alliance rumor mill had been flooded with whispers as to what.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Valara said lightly. “About Solo.”  
  
Leia laughed coldly. “Is it around the fleet already?”  
  
Valara shrugged, Leia’s reaction giving her the confirmation she required. “You know what gossips pilots are.” In fact they’d been talking far longer than Leia would like to know; Valara hearing snatches of gleeful conversation among the fleet about the Princess and the Smuggler. They argued often, apparently, in a way that made it clear to everyone that their barbed and pointed words indicated not their distaste for one another, but quite the opposite. It was certainly none of her business what Leia did, but Valara couldn’t help but feel almost proprietary over Luke, as if the idea that he could get hurt made the whole situation her business.   
  
“So where does that leave Luke?” she couldn’t help but ask. Leia’s eyes flashed angrily, and Valara felt a strange pressure in her head but it dissipated as quickly as it had come, and she dismissed it as one of her sight-headaches. Leia composed herself, and gave Valara a long, intense look, as if deciding whether or not she warranted an explanation.   
  
"Luke and I..."  
  
"It's different," Valara nodded. "That's what he said."  
  
Leia looked anguished, her gaze slipping away. “I told him as if I was confessing,” she said softly. Perhaps she forgot who Valara was, perhaps she’d decided she could be trusted - or more likely Leia was hurting and just needed to say it out loud. “Because there’s this connection between Luke and I, something deeper that I’ve never been able to define. I told him…” Leia swallowed heavily, as if the words simply could not be physically spoken. “Luke just sort of smiled and said  _of course you do_. Almost like a...” But Leia checked herself again, shaking her head and letting out a strange little laugh. “But that’s silly.”  
  
Valara had no idea what she was talking about, still shocked that Leia had shared with her so much. Evidently Leia was too, because she looked back it was with obvious regret, her implacable mask falling back into place.   
  
“Is it true that Vader captured you?” she asked, hoping she still had some advantage left.   
  
“Perhaps you should ask Luke,” Leia said, her voice distinctly cooler.   
  
“How is he?”   
  
Leia gave her a grave look. “Different.”  
  
Valara rubbed the skin of her throat, tracing scars that could not be seen.   
  
“I should have killed him,” Leia said viciously. “I should have taken that blaster and hunted him down, even though he deflected fire with nothing but his hands. But if I’d gone after Luke instead of Han we could have fought him together, defeated him.” Leia’s entire body shivered with white-hot rage, and Valara felt her throat inexplicably closing over.  
  
“I didn’t save Han anyway,” she continued, her lips curled into a snarl. “I was blinded by this stupid, nonsensical, infuriating-”   
  
“Leia.” It was Luke’s voice, and Valara looked up to see him standing in the doorway which led to his bedroom. He wore a white medrobe and pants, his right hand held at a noticeably strange angle. He slowly crossed the room and put his left hand gently on Leia’s shoulder, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. She calmed almost immediately, her hand coming to rest over his and squeeze it gratefully.   
  
In that moment Valara knew there was nothing to be jealous over - they’d been right, what they had  _was_  different. She didn’t know how, and couldn’t even begin to understand it, but theirs was a connection that went deeper than friends or lovers.   
  
“You did the right thing,” Luke said softly. “I was the stupid one, going after Vader, thinking I could win. They warned me, but I didn’t listen - but they were wrong too, I think. They didn’t want me to know, and now everything’s different.”  
  
Valara wondered how much pain medication he’d had, because his words were nonsense to her. It was clear from her expression that Leia didn’t understand either, getting up from the table and taking Luke’s hand in hers.  
  
“Yes, Luke,” she said as if humouring a babbling child, patting his hand. “Of course. Valara’s come to visit, you see?”  
  
Luke seemed to notice her for the first time and a smile split his face, although she noted it was not quite so large as usual. “Hey, V.”  
  
Anyone else, she would have told them not to call her that, but he’d picked up the habit in the past few months and Valara found she didn’t hate it when it came from his lips. “Hey, Red Five.”   
  
“I’ll let you two...catch up,” Leia said somewhat mischievously, and Valara felt her face flush. Luke looked surprised as well as he accepted Leia’s kiss on his cheek, so Valara knew he’d not told her. Perhaps she’d been as blind to people talking about her and Luke as Leia had been about her and Han? But she decided it didn’t matter, not when Luke smiled at her shyly, and she noticed the similar look of fatigue and agony etched into his features.   
  
Leia paused and touched Valara briefly on the shoulder, looking as if she wanted to say something. But she simply sighed, patted Valara’s shoulder again and left the room, although her meaning was clear enough.  
  
 _Look after him_.


	12. Chapter 12

Luke had taken a seat on the white couch facing out towards the viewscreen exposing the stars, but his gaze seemed distant, as if he didn't even notice the ships that made up the rest of the Rebel Fleet occasionally floating past. Valara perched next to him, taking off her boots and crossing her legs under her on the couch.

He looked different - half his face had been ravaged and didn't look completely healed. His palms lay flat against his thighs but he was still holding the right at a strange angle and even with her poor sight Valara could see the seam of a prosthetic halfway up his forearm. But it was his demeanor that bothered her the most - an air of unhappiness and uncertainty about him that was star systems away from the Luke she had come to know.

Valara knew how trite platitudes could be - she'd heard all of them after she'd gone blind. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" she asked cautiously, accepting that the answer would likely be no.

But Luke surprised her, nodding his head even as his eyes remained fixed out the viewscreen. "Yes."

She waited for some time, but Luke didn't move or speak further. Eventually Valara reached out for him, slowly at first, brushing her hand against his shoulder and trying not to recoil at the familiar feel of the starchy medgown. Luke leaned into her slightly and Valara shifted to accommodate him as he lay down on the couch and rested her head in his lap. His eyes were still gazing out the viewscreen but the gesture gave Valara some level of comfort that things had not changed too much. She stroked Luke's hair gently, noting it had grown longer than she'd ever seen it.

"You better hurry up and get back to your squad," Valara prompted him lightly. "Now Antilles is Rogue Leader he's entirely too big for his boots. He always was, of course, but now he's even more unbearable."

Much to her relief, Luke smiled. "I'm sure you can handle him."

Valara shrugged, running the backs of her fingers lightly over Luke's cheek. "It's easy enough, if you have a bottle of whiskey to hold over him."

Luke laughed. "You have that in common."

Valara was almost offended, but was so pleased to hear the teasing lilt in Luke's voice that she disregarded it. It wasn't exactly a lie, since she often found a nip of whiskey a much-needed assist to get through the day.

"You're just sore I didn't bring any for you," she needled him. She'd tried, but it had been confiscated by Two-OneBee, who'd tartly reminded her that alcohol was not permitted in the medward, not even in private quarters. "How long do you have to stay here, anyway?"

"Until they can be sure my new hand takes," Luke said, lightly clenching and unclenching his right fist. "Vader cut it off."

She had wondered, given the nature of such an injury. She'd seen enough severed limbs to recognise it, and with his confirmation that it had been Vader… Valara had seen the Dark Lord collect hands like socialites collected hats, and that was just in training. She couldn't imagine facing him in actual battle, the very thought of it making her cold right down to her bones. But of course she could never say that to Luke, simply not willing to admit to that aspect of her past. It would only make things worse and lead to uncomfortable questions.

"He tortured them - Leia and Han," Luke said, a slight tremor in his voice. "For no reason other than that I would feel it, and come for them."

"So you weren't with them before?" Valara asked, trying to piece together what had happened.

Luke shook his head, and she felt him tense. "No, it was a trap and I walked into it with open eyes. I don't regret it, but...he knew exactly how to get to me."

"That's what the Empire does," she told him, softly stroking his hair again. "They find where you're the most vulnerable and stick a vibroblade there."

"Now Han's gone," Luke said, pulling himself to his feet and then pacing the room. "And it's my fault - Vader was looking for me, that's the only reason he sent out those probe droids." He ran his hands through his hair, tugging on the ends with obvious distress. "If it wasn't for me the Alliance would still be safely hidden away on Hoth, and Han would have paid off his bounty, and Leia wouldn't have been tortured and used as a pawn by the person she hates most in the galaxy." Luke sank back onto the couch and glanced over at her, his face full of anguish. "And you wouldn't be looking at me with such...pity."

"No," Valara drew closer to him, running her hand down the side of his face. "Not pity. Never that. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think you're stupid, but I don't pity you."

Luke gave a bitter half-laugh and rolled his eyes upward. "Great."

"It's just, you have all this guilt, and absolutely no reason to feel it," she told him, taking his right hand in hers and gently tracing the artificial flesh. "You've had terrible things happen Luke, but you always blame yourself instead of the people who did them to you. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time, you lived while others died, the Empire hunts you and hurts the people you care about. And somehow you think you could have prevented it all. Trust me, because I'm older and wiser," she playfully squeezed his hand. "It's no ones fault but the Empire - your choices have all been selfless."

"Except with Vader," Luke said, his brow creasing. "I wanted to go after him, face him,  _defeat_ him. Every time we've met I've blundered head on into a situation I should have known I couldn't control. That was my fault - my bad choice."

"He's been torturing and killing your friends for years, Luke," Valara pointed out. "No one could blame you for hating him - he killed your father for kriff's sake."

Luke's head whipped towards her with a stricken expression, and Valara could see that she'd touched a delicate nerve. Her blood boiled at the thought of Vader - had he gloated about what he'd done, fed on the pain it caused Luke? She almost didn't want to know.

Which was probably well enough, as it immediately became clear Luke wasn't going to tell her. She could see him shut down, his shoulders stiffening and hand slipping out of hers; his mouth a firm line as he turned back to the stars through the viewscreen.

"Do you want to talk about bad choices?" Valara asked, grasping to get him back. "Let me tell you about real and deserved guilt." She took a deep breath, and instead of swallowing the bitterness down like she had so many times before, she spoke.

"I was twelve when I left the orphanage. By that time they know whether you'd be any use to them, so the lucky were thrown out into the streets and the select few were sent to the Academy. And there they watch you, test you and train you, pushing you to the limit to see if you'll survive - if not you'll probably end up as a stormtrooper on some backrocket. The elite go into skilled fields - the ISB or the TIE fighter programs or on the fast track to becoming a naval officer. But they had a worse fate planned for me, although I didn't know it at the time. I was top of every class, so desperate to prove myself better than the nothing I had come from. When the Grand Inquisitor came for me I was so... _happy_."

Valara couldn't read his reaction - he looked at her openly, curiously, but what he thought of her words was impossible to discern. She felt the bile rise up in her throat and she swallowed it down, rising and walking towards the viewscreen. The starscape swum before her, and Valara put a hand on the transparisteel to steady herself.

"I loved the Empire - it was all I'd ever known," she said, her eyes fixed and unblinking out the viewscreen. "The Republic's war had made me an orphan, as the instructors were always so quick to remind me - but it was the Empire who had given me shelter, and food, and an education. I should have questioned it, but I didn't. I was grateful for every scrap of mouldy bread they fed us, because I was a worthless drain on Imperial resources who didn't deserve anything better until I was old enough to prove myself." She stopped, almost choking on the next words, remembering how they'd plied her with rich food and beautiful clothes and she'd gorged herself on their seeming generosity, their flattery that she deserved such rewards for the great services she could do for the Empire.

"The Inquisitors," Luke spoke up when she stayed silent. "Wedge told me they were Rebel hunters."

Close enough, Valara thought to herself. She didn't need to explain everything. She turned around to face Luke again, leaning back against the cool transparisteel. He was still on the couch, watching her with that gaze which made her feel so exposed.

"Yes," she said. "There were eight of us, and they...became my family. They even called us all "brother" and "sister" and you can imagine what that feels like to an orphan." She extended out her arm and showed him the brand burned into her wrist - much like the Imperial crest, but a circle of flames instead of spokes with an eight-pointed star in the centre. "This was to show me that I belonged to them - I was the Sixth Sister and our bond was forged with blood."

Luke reached out his hand and Valara went to him, her arm shaking as she held her wrist out for him to inspect. She'd caught him looking at the brand many times, but he'd only asked once and never brought it up again. He gently grasped her wrist, running his fingers lightly over the branded skin and Valara had to force herself not to pull away.

"I was fifteen when I made my first kill," she said, unsurprised when Luke looked up at her, shocked. "It was to prove myself and I was ruthless - a true Imperial child, believing that I was only worth what I could give back to the Empire who had provided for me all those years. And so I thought of others, who had thrived under the excess and waste of the Old Republic and were therefore required to be excised from the system that could not support their languor. So I thought of the Rebels, until I became one."

"How did that happen?" Luke asked.

Valara took a deep breath, trying to pull her hand away from his grip but Luke held firm. He looked up at her and she was overwhelmed with the acceptance found in his eyes, as if a warm blanket had been thrown over her shoulders. Luke tugged on her wrist and she allowed herself to be pulled down onto his lap.

"The Inquisitors had a...program," she said, casting her gaze down and fussing with the lapel of his robe to ease her through the discomfort. "It's hard to explain, but they would teach you triggers and commands, to help with your missions, they said. It was almost like...they could control us, sometimes, this omnipresent voice in our heads giving us orders we obeyed without a second thought. Or maybe I'm just trying to abdicate responsibility, to pretend that I didn't really have control over those awful things I did. But it was so powerful, their hold over us, and sometimes I wonder..."

"What?" Luke tipped her chin upwards, forcing her to look at him, and Valara felt hot tears behind her eyes.

"Maybe I didn't escape," she whispered. "Maybe they let me go. Maybe there's still commands in my head, waiting to be triggered at the opportune moment."

Luke blinked. "You think you might be a sleeper agent?"

"It's possible."

"But after all this time?"

She shrugged, one of the deeper secrets and worries of her heart finally free. She hadn't even told Alliance High Command when she'd defected or at any point afterwards, since they never would have let her in a ship, and they certainly wouldn't let her teach new recruits. Sometimes lies were necessary, Valara told herself, if it was the only way an objective could be achieved. Imperial thinking again, of course, but that couldn't always be avoided.

"So what you're saying," Luke said with a wry smile, "is that every time we've been together you thought there was a possibility that you could snap and kill me?"

Valara found herself chuckling, her face flushed slightly. "I guess I didn't think of it that way."

"Don't you think they would have...activated you now if that was the case?" Luke asked, more seriously. "I mean, not to brag, but you've had more than enough opportunities to take me out, and I'm pretty high on their most wanted list."

"You think it's an excuse, don't you?" Valara was annoyed, shifting off his lap and sinking back into the couch, her words caustic. "You're going to lay some psychobabble on me about how I avoid forming emotional connections because I'm afraid of hurting people. You can save your breath - I've already heard it a dozen times from the skull-tinkerers they've forced me to talk to over the years. But they all gave up on me eventually, realising that I'm a lost cause. Something you've yet to figure out."

Of course, none of the Alliance medical staff had been aware of depth of her concerns, but that mattered little. She'd shared them with Luke, and he dismissed them with infuriating logic. Valara swung her legs up onto the couch, pulling her knees up to her chest as she glowered at him. He still seemed amused, as if his own worries had fallen away, and Valara consoled herself that she'd at least been successful in that. However it didn't make her any less annoyed with him.

"What happened to them?" Luke asked eventually, placing his hand over her foot and squeezing lightly. "The Inquisitors?"

Valara sighed and looked away. "The Grand Inquisitor was killed by a Rebel cell years ago," she told him. "Around about the same time I defected. As for the rest, I don't want to know."

It wasn't the whole story - he had to know that. But to Luke's credit he didn't press her, and for a few minutes they sat in silence, both looking out at the stars. It was almost comfortable, as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. There were plenty more, of course, but at least the load seemed to have lightened.

"I never asked you about your past." Luke spoke up eventually, his voice soft.

"I know. That's why I told you."

"You puzzle me, V," he said genially, turning back to her as if she was the puzzle box Leia was working on earlier. "You don't really believe in the Rebellion, and yet you're willing to give your life for it."

"I'm not trying to atone for anything, if that's what you're thinking."

"So it's revenge then," Luke nodded sadly. "You're trying to hurt the Empire any way you can." He sounded resigned, as if finally believing what she'd told him years earlier.

"And what's wrong with that?" she challenged him, nudging him with her foot. "Who cares if the motives are noble as long as the job gets done. Don't you want to hurt the Empire for what happened to your family? Don't you want to hurt Vader for taking your hand?"

Luke turned back to the viewscape, his chin raised and his words resolute. "A Jedi does not take revenge."

Valara stopped herself from rolling her eyes. Instead, she looked at Luke long and hard. "Mercy is for those who deserve it."

"I don't believe that," Luke said, suddenly impassioned, rising to his feet and gesturing to her. "Look at you - you overcame a lifetime of propaganda to do what is right. And no...no matter what someone's done, they can always come back. They can always make things right - they just need to be shown the way."

Luke seemed very far away, and yet he looked glorious; the fluorescent light haloed around his blonde hair, the determination set on his face.

"It looks like you just decided something," Valara said softly.

Luke nodded, straightening up to his full height. "I have."

"You're either the most naive person I've ever met, or the wisest," Valara considered.

Luke smiled then, looking down at her. "I guess time will tell which."


	13. Chapter 13

  
**4 ABY, Ewok village, Endor**  
  
  
The skies above were bright with exploding debris that looked like fireworks, adding a sense of additional revelry to the celebrations which had gone long into the night. They were dying down, but Luke still heard the faint sound of music and laughter in the distance mixed with happy voices in a dozen different languages. They all knew that this was not the end for the Empire, but the battle had swung things in the Alliance’s favour and for now they were all simply so relieved to see each other that it felt like victory.   
 ****  
But not everyone had made it out alive, Luke reminded himself. Countless lives had been lost on both sides, but his thoughts were unable to drift far from the funeral pyre out in the woods which had released his father’s soul back into the universe. He’d seen him later, of course, young and strong and so different from the scarred and battered man who had died in Luke’s arms. Except for his eyes - those same eyes which Anakin had been so adamant be allowed to look upon his son as he died - they were what Luke had recognised first.  
 ****  
He and Leia had not spoken about their father, for all they had talked long into the night. That was a conversation for another day, when his sister had been allowed time to come to terms with it. _His sister_. The thought made Luke smile,his heart warm with the knowledge that his family had not all been taken from him - he had Leia, and Han, and Wedge and the rest of the Rogues. His thoughts even drifted to Valara although he had not seen her for months, so caught up in his duties to the Alliance and working towards Han’s rescue. Luke didn’t even know if she’d survived the battle - what if  _Allied Flight_  had been one of the cruisers he’d seen destroyed from the Emperor’s throne room? The thought made his mouth dry and his stomach drop.   
 ****  
“Hey, kid,” Han’s voice broke through his reverie. “Why’re looking so glum?”  
 ****  
They were seated on one of the Ewok walkways, gazing out into the forest and sharing what passed for local moonshine. Leia had retired already, and Luke and Han had spent the last few hours talking about everything he’d missed the past six months. It had seemed just like old times, except Luke felt they were even closer - he’d laughed for a full five minutes when Han told him of his offer to “step aside” for Leia. Luke’s reaction had made Han go red in the face, since he’d evidently been quite proud of himself for that act, and had spluttered on how as he supposed to know that they were siblings, he’d been in carbonite for what seemed like forever and to be fair they hadn’t even given him a full medical to ensure there were no lasting effects. Luke had composed himself and apologised, refraining from making a joke that even a blind man should have been able to see that what he and Leia shared was not romantic.  
 ****  
“Luke,” Han clapped him on the shoulder. “You there?”  
 ****  
“Yeah,” Luke turned to him and smiled. “I’m just thinking.”  
 ****  
“Hmph.” Han took a swig of the moonshine and then handed it back to him. “Wish you’d thought more before taking off on your own to surrender to the Empire.” He wagged his finger in Luke’s face. “And don’t go on about how it worked, I don’t care, it was still stupid as hell. And besides...you didn’t even say goodbye.”  
 ****  
Luke realised it was the last words which had upset Han the most, and guilt laced through him. “Would you have let me go?” he asked, taking a small sip of the moonshine.  
 ****  
“Of course not!” Han scoffed. “I would of trussed you up again and locked you in an Ewok hut where you’d be safe.”  
 ****  
“I would have escaped,” Luke said lightly, waving his hand and lifting up the moonshine to hover into the air. “With the Force.”  
 ****  
“Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be now, is it?” Han asked, reaching to swipe the moonshine out of the air and draining the rest of the liquid. “You’re a Jedi, so I’m not allowed to protect you?”  
 ****  
Smiling indulgently, Luke put a hand on Han’s shoulder and squeezed lightly. “Of course,” he said to placate him. “But I’m not a kid anymore, Han.”  
 ****  
“Yeah, I know,” Han sighed. “You proved that at Jabba’s - and probably a dozen times before that but I didn’t want to see it. I have to say, Luke, I still don’t understand all of that Force stuff, but you’ve made a believer out of me.”  
 ****  
“Well, if I can convince you I can convince anyone,” Luke said, looking back up at the stars dimmed by the smoldering sky. “I’m the last Jedi, Han, but I won’t be forever. I made a promise to pass on what I had learned and that’s exactly what I intend to do. You can help me with that.”  
 ****  
Han laughed, running one hand over his eyes. “Me? I don’t know how, ki - uh, Luke.”  
 ****  
Luke smiled to himself and didn’t answer as an almost familiar feeling washed over him, one he couldn’t quite place.  
 ****  
“We got company,” Han said lightly, prodding Luke’s arm and rising to his feet. Luke turned to the sound of approaching footsteps, relief flooding him as Valara appeared from the darkness. She looked beautiful, her hair unbound and curling lightly around her shoulders, dressed in a standard Alliance-command uniform and superficially free from any signs of battle. And yet the familiarity he’d felt was something else, something which was not physical but something deeper.  
 ****  
It was like a shroud had fallen away from her, and Luke couldn't believe he'd never noticed it before. She shone in the Force, although there was darkness to her as well, like a sun hidden behind a mountain. Perhaps he’d grown that much stronger in ability since he’d last seen her, or perhaps in redeeming his father and defying the Emperor he’d become a true Jedi; breaking through that last barrier so the Force was now completely open to him  
 ****  
“Hey, Solo,” Valara nodded to him, and then looked to Luke, her expression softening. “Skywalker.”  
 ****  
“Valara,” Han nodded to her. “Long time no see.” He laughed then, as if he’d made a particularly funny joke. Valara’s only response was to raise one eyebrow and give Luke an amused look. But he couldn’t hold her gaze, still reeling from what he’d sensed in her.  
 ****  
“Well, I have a certain princess waiting for me,” Han said airily. “And I’m sure you kids want to celebrate too.”  
 ****  
“Make sure you get the right hut,” Valara warned him with teasing grin. “I accidentally walked in on Bey and Dameron making another genetically perfect baby.”  
 ****  
“I’ll be careful,” Han laughed.  
 ****  
Luke grimaced, not wanting to be reminded of what Han might be doing with his sister that night. Of course, he knew it was inevitable, he just didn’t want to hear about it. Thankfully no more was said about it as Han turned to go, but paused at the last moment, rubbing his neck with clear discomfort.  
 ****  
“Say, Valara,” he began. “You got blinded once, right? Do you ever get these weird, blank kind of dreams, and then wake up not being able to see for a few seconds?”  
 ****  
Valara shifted, folding her arms over her chest, her smile fading away. “Yes.”  
 ****  
“Right, and do they ever-”  
 ****  
“No.”  
 ****  
Han cleared his throat. “Great.” He wandered off, muttering slightly to himself.  
 ****  
Luke slowly rose to his feet as Valara looked at him expectantly. “I’m glad you’re alive, Luke,” she said. “When I heard you’d volunteered for the strike team I was worried.”  
 ****  
Remembering himself, Luke closed the distance between them, embracing her. “It’s good to see you,” he said a bit stiffly, drawing back to arm’s length. “To _really_ see you. You never told me you were Force sensitive," he added lightly, trying not to show his hurt. “You said you knew nothing of the Force.”   
 ****  
"You were the wannabe Jedi," she said with a hint of derision. "I thought you'd figure it out."  
 ****  
"I am a real Jedi now," he said quietly, but with as much conviction as he had said it to the Emperor.  
 ****  
Valara gave him a small smile. "I'm happy for you. You got what you wanted."  
 ****  
"No," Luke shook his head and turned away. "Not really."  
 ****  
Pushing aside those thoughts, he searched his memory, examining all of their conversations for clues he might have picked up on. Her reaction to his lightsaber, never wanting to talk about the Jedi, her own admissions as to her past...  
 ****  
“The Inquisitors,” he realised, turning back around to face her. “That’s why they were so effective - they used the Force.”  
 ****  
Valara nodded. “If it means anything they taught us how to shield our presence - and when I left I tried my best to stay hidden.”  
 ****  
“A useful skill to have,” Luke said dully, still feeling terribly deceived. “But I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me.”  
 ****  
Valara bristled, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “And what would you have done? That would have been all you wanted from me - I couldn’t bear to even remember it, let alone talk about it. I still can’t.”  
 ****  
Luke sighed and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He understood, of course, and yet he couldn’t help but wonder if the last few years would have been easier if he’d known. If rather than scrounging for Jedi artifacts and looking for clues in Ben Kenobi’s journal, he could have gone to Valara for information and advice. Perhaps he would have been more prepared for Yoda's teaching; in facing Vader and the Emperor.  
 ****  
Perhaps he wouldn’t have felt so alone.  
 ****  
“I thought we have a kind of agreement,” Valara said. “That we wouldn’t share anything we didn’t want to, and the other wouldn’t ask. You haven’t told me everything about yourself.”  
 ****  
Luke sighed harshly, the weight of the past day’s events finally crushing him. “You want to know everything about me?” he asked her angrily. “Fine. On Bespin when I fought Vader, I found out that he hadn’t killed my father like I’d been told. He told me he _was_  my father, corrupted by the dark side so long ago.”  
 ****  
Valara visibly recoiled, her mouth falling open and taken a shocked step backwards.  
 ****  
“I surrendered to him here in Endor because I felt that there was still good in him. He took me to the Emperor, who goaded me into striking back, to fight my own father. He threatened my friends, made me watch as he destroyed Alliance ships who’d been lured into a trap. And then Vader discovered my final secret - that I had a sister.”  
 ****  
“A _sister_?” Valara asked, looking confused. “Who?”  
 ****  
“Who else?” Luke said, his anger melting away. “Leia.”  
 ****  
Valara rubbed her forehead, as if she was having difficulty processing the information. “So..” she looked up at him, a firm crease between her eyes. “You killed your father?”  
 ****  
“No!” Luke spluttered, shocked she’d even suggest such a thing. Didn’t she know him at all? “He - my father - turned back to the light. He gave his life to save me from the Emperor.”  
 ****  
“I...I don’t believe it,” Valara shook her head, clearly distressed. “Darth Vader cared about nothing but bringing pain and misery to everyone he met. Why do you think the Inquisitors were so cruel? They learnt at Vader’s merciless knee.”  
 ****  
“Well in the end he wasn’t Darth Vader,” Luke said firmly. “He was Anakin Skywalker.”  
 ****  
They stared at each other like combatants on a field of battle, neither willing to concede any ground. Valara’s expression was guarded, but the corner of her mouth trembled slightly, as if she was barely holding it together.  
 ****  
“So now you know everything about me,” Luke said lightly. “I have no secrets left. Can you say the same?”  
 ****  
Valara shook her head slowly, although whether it was an answer to his question or simply a dismissal of everything he’d said was unclear. In either case Luke was sick of games and deceits; of denials and teasing words in place of genuine feeling.  
 ****  
“Well then,” Luke sighed, reaching out one last time to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. “I guess there’s nothing left to say at all.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead, lingering for a moment, hoping she would reach back for him, ask him not to go.  
  
But she didn’t, and Luke pulled away with a resigned sigh before heading back along to walkway towards the bright lights of the Ewok village.


	14. Chapter 14

**5 ABY - _Home One_ , Jakku**  
  
  
  
The battle of Jakku had raged for three days in the skies above and the sands below. The losses had been heavy on both sides, but the Alliance’s strength had come in constant reinforcements from new worlds defecting from the Empire every day. Although the Imperial forces had held the advantage at the beginning to the battle, they had slowly been chipped away by the Rebel’s resolve and burgeoning numbers.   
  
If Endor had been the tipping point of the Civil War, Jakku was to be the death knell.   
  
The hangar was filled with starfighters, some which had been delivered from newly-aligned planets, and others having returned from the fray to refuel. Valara found her quarry on the far side of the hanger, where a tired-looking pilot was gearing up his X-Wing to return to the fight.   
  
"Antilles," Valara approached him purposefully. "I need a ship."  
  
Wedge laughed, not even bothering to throw her a glance. "No one's going to give you a ship, Valara."  
  
She grimaced, trying not to think about how Madine had shut down her request to participate in the battle with a patronising speech about how when they won they’d still need instructors in the fleet. His unspoken reasoning was of course that she was not only a danger to herself in an X-Wing, but to any wingmate she flew with. Her eyesight was too poor, her reflexes too slow, but if this was to be the end of the Empire Valara needed to be part of it.   
  
"You could,” Valara insisted, stepping forward and grabbing Wedge’s arm. “Your squad’s taken losses, I'm sure you have one spare."  
  
"Oh." Wedge looked like the tooka who had caught the flit-bird, a smile cracking through his exhaustion. "You mean you need a favour."  
  
Valara sighed, his reaction annoying but not unexpected. She released his arm and took a step backwards. "Yes."  
  
"Hmmm.” Wedge’s amusement faded, a deep and long-nursed anger exposed. “Well you see I seem to recall once asking you for a favour, do you remember?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Well I do," Wedge said, all simmering anger as he rounded on her. "Like it was kriffing yesterday. I'd just joined the Rebellion, you remember, a scared, angry fifteen year old kid who'd just seen his family gunned down by the Empire along with everyone he ever knew. Inquisitors, and I know because they had that symbol on their uniforms, the same one you have seared into your wrist.”  
  
Valara self-consciously covered the brand on her wrist and looked away, a flood of bad memories surfacing.   
  
“So I think I'm lucky, you know?” Wedge continued. “I'm in the same squad as an Imp defector, who everyone was saying had been an Inquisitor herself. I knew what the man who killed my family looked like, I even knew his name, or rather what they called him. The First Brother. But you wouldn't tell me anything about him - you wouldn't even acknowledge you had been one of them. And so my family went unavenged."  
  
"Did you ever think I saved your life that day?" she challenged him. "Because that young, angry boy would have been chopped to pieces if he'd gone after the Inquisitors."  
  
"Yeah," he nodded. "But that's not why you did it - you didn't give a damn about me. You were just keeping your filthy secrets because the truth condemns you. You were still protecting your own.” Wedge advanced on her until they were nose to nose. “Because no matter what you do, Valara, there's a part of you that is still one of  _them_  - and you may hate that part, you may try to forget it. But you can't ever get rid of it."  
  
Valara couldn't deny his words; they struck at her very soul. But she couldn’t acknowledge them, not even now at the end. No matter how much guilt she felt, no matter how hard she fought against the Empire, it would never make up for what she’d done, for the lives she’d taken and those she'd destroyed. She'd already defected by the time Wedge’s family had been killed, but she was still partly responsible - for not taking some of her brethren out when she’d fled, for not giving the Alliance every scrap of information she knew, for not hunting them down herself. But she couldn’t say that to him, and instead stared Wedge down, keeping her expression cold and impassive the way she’d practiced for years.   
  
"Are you going to give me a ship or not?"  
  
Wedge turned back to his ship and sighed, closing the access panel he’d been working on. "Sure," he said eventually, as if he was too tired to refuse. "If you want to die I'm not going to stand in your way, but you go out there on your own, you understand? I don’t want you putting my squad in danger. And just...try and take a few Imps with you, alright?"   
  
Valara nodded, and began to walk towards the X-Wing he’d indicated. "That's the plan."  
  


* * *

  
  
It felt so good to be flying again. After years of the simulator she’d forgotten how it really felt, to glide through space, duck and weave and roll between the stars that surrounded her. But Valara only allowed herself a few moments to relish the feeling before she turned her ship towards the battle that raged above Jakku.   
  
Her viewscreen was filled with blaster fire, and Valara had to squint to distinguish the Alliance’s ships from the enemy’s. The stark contrast between the dark of space, the bright planet below and the green and red blaster fire made things difficult, her eyes strained and slow. But Valara steeled herself, searching for where she could do some good.   
  
Rogue Squadron was facing off against dozens of TIE fighters near a Star Destroyer - it was the  _Inflictor_. She’d overhead Thane Kyrell complain about not being able to fly in the battle, instead tasked with leading commandos to board the Destroyer and disable the self-destruct. They could take out some of the engines from the inside, Valara considered, but would need some help.   
  
Making her decision in half a second, Valara turned her ship towards the  _Inflictor_ , punching commands into her computer to target the aft engines on the starboard side. Her journey skimmed the outside of the skirmish between the TIEs and Rogue Squadron, and she could hear their comm chatter; Wedge’s voice calm as he gave orders to his group. They all flew so well together that they far outmatched the enemy, and for a moment Valara admired their maneuvers before forcing her attention back to the task ahead. That was until she heard a familiar voice through the comm.   
  
“Cover me Wedge,” Luke’s rich voice washed over her. “I’m going to take out the Destroyer’s engines.”  
  
“Got it, Luke,” Wedge said back. “We’ll make a path for you. Rogues, take my lead.”  
  
“Wait, I’ve got another friendly on my sensors,” Luke said, and Valara saw him break away from the pack and head towards her. "Who is this?" he addressed her directly through the comm. "Pilot, identify yourself."  
  
"This is Rogue One," Valara smiled. “Looks like we both had the same idea.”  
  
“Valara!” Luke exclaimed. “What the hell are you doing here?”  
  
“Taking out that Destroyer,” she said with confidence and increased her speed.  
  
“I don’t think so,” Luke said, bringing his ship alongside hers. For a moment Valara faltered, knowing her slow focus making her a danger to anyone flying so close.   
  
“Luke, pull back,” Wedge cut in frantically. “Let her take it if she wants to.”  
  
But Luke ignored him, and Valara turned back to Destroyer, gripping the controls and paying extra attention to keeping her flight path steady. And yet she soon fell into a rhythm with him as they flew side by side, taking out TIEs that lay in their path. Luke’s skill made up for her failings as he shot enemy ships off her back, allowing Valara to target and destroy the aft engines.  
  
The ship was soon floating dead in space, and she heard Wedge call out that the escape pods were being activated; the ship was theirs to board.   
  
“Wait,” Valara called out, noticing that the ship’s nose had begun to dip. “They’re going to crash it into the planet!”  
  
"Rogue One, pull out!" Wedge commanded her. “You’ll get sucked down with them.”  
  
But Valara’s focus was on the Destroyer’s bridge, moving in to make one final pass, to take out as many remaining Imps that she could before they escaped. Her blaster fire rained across the bow of the ship but she was too close, the light and fire exploding before her cockpit and dazing her. Black spots danced before her eyes and Valara lurched on the controls.  
  
“Valara!” Luke’s frantic voice came through the comm. “Pull out!”  
  
But it was too late, the  _Inflictor_  had been pulled into Jakku’s atmosphere and Valara’s X-Wing with it. She’d been too close to the explosion she’d set off, sparks flooding the cockpit as her instruments caught fire. Jakku swarmed before her, its vast sands strewn with wreckage and ground battles still raging. Her vision blurred as her ship increased speed, the Star Destroyer falling behind her, crippled and dead.  
  
It felt like coming full circle; her skin on fire as she flew through the air like she had years ago after stealing the Death Star plans. Valara found it almost comforting, and closed her eyes to welcome the darkness as her ship crashed into the hot sands of the planet below. 

* * *

  
  
  
The room was white and Valara blinked, trying to focus. But there was nothing to see, starkness above her as she stared at the ceiling. She ached everywhere; her skin hot and blistered, her throat swollen and sore and her legs immobile as she tried to move them. The light hurt her eyes but Valara kept them open as the rest of the room came into focus.  
  
She was surrounded by machinery, hooked up to monitors that recorded her heartbeat, body temperature and blood pressure. But she wasn’t alone, and Valara blinked again as she saw someone seated at her bedside, his features coming slowly into focus.   
  
Valara blinked again and lifted her head, not quite sure her eyes weren’t playing tricks. It was Wedge Antilles, watching her and nursing a glass of whiskey.   
  
"Disappointed?" he asked wryly as he noticed she was awake.  
  
She sank back down into the pillows. “No,” she said but her voice rasped. “Just surprised.”  
  
"Luke was going to come, but hoo boy is he mad at you,” Wedge shook his head, voice deceptively light. “He started muttering something about anger leading to hate and stormed out. He's pretty steamed at me too, for letting you take that ship, so...thanks for that."  
  
Valara tried to smile, but the side of her mouth was cracked and sore - a side effect of full bacta immersion. “Then it was all worth it.”  
  
Wedge laughed and gave her a salute with his glass before drowning it and pouring himself another. Valara looked at the half empty bottle and licked her dry lips, her throat parched and her body aching for a drink. Not missing her response, Wedge smiled to himself and then took a long sip as he looked at her over the rim of his glass.   
  
“Why can’t I feel my legs?” she asked, trying and failing to wiggle her toes.   
  
“Don’t worry,” Wedge told her. “It’s just the immobilisers - it won’t surprise you to learn you broke quite a few bones in that fall. And received burns to 35% of your body - you’re lucky to be alive.”  
  
“Lucky.” Valara spat out the word and closed her eyes. Thousands if not millions of Rebels had died in the battle - why had she escaped with her life when she deserved it less than any of them?   
  
“I have to say,” Wedge said, and Valara opened her eyes again to see him waving his glass airily. She wondered how long he’d been drinking at her bedside. “What you did was pretty….brave.”  
  
“Hmph.” Valara swallowed heavily, her throat feeling tight and every word an agony. “I thought you were going to say stupid.”  
  
“I was,” Wedge grinned. “But brave and stupid happens to be my favourite combination.”  
  
Valara rolled her eyes but the movement made her dizzy, and she had to close them for a few moments. When they flicked open again Wedge had helped himself to another drink, and for perhaps the first time she saw the pain in his young face. He’d lost some of his squad in the battle, and looked like he hadn’t slept in a week. And yet here he was watching over her - a woman he all but hated - because he cared about Luke so much.  
  
“I’m sorry,” she rasped, hot tears burning in her eyes. “About your family.” She took a deep breath but the air scraped against her blistered throat and she had to take a few moments before continuing.   
  
“You were right,” Valara said. “About everything. I hated them, but I’d been one of them. I couldn’t...turn on them without exposing myself too. It was cowardly.”  
  
And she hadn’t even been punished for it - unless it was with life, to keep surviving the fire and death which surrounded her. To endure.  
  
Wedge looked at her for a long time, perhaps searching for any deceit, and Valara turned away hoping he wouldn’t notice the tears that spilled onto her cheeks. But of course he did, sighing deeply as he grasped the bottle of whiskey and a fresh glass from where they had been perched on her monitor. He filled it generously and held the glass out to her, Valara grasping it gratefully as he poured himself another.   
  
Then he gave her a wry sort of smile and then touched his glass to hers with a welcome  _clink_.   
  


* * *

  
Luke tried to stay away, and his resolve held firm for four weeks. He was able to distract himself with official business - Leia had needed his help and support with the Provisional Senate and the hours had been long. But there had been no further incursions by the remnants of the Empire, and there were whispers that a surrender was imminent, or at the very least a full and binding treaty.   
  
Most nights he collapsed into bed and fell immediately into a dreamless sleep, but occasionally rest was difficult to find. He spent hours opening himself up to the Force through meditation, seeking the strength and resolve to continue down the path he’d set for himself. But his thoughts would then drift to Valara, how he felt when her ship had crashed down to Jakku; like his heart was dying. Wedge had told him she was alright, without even adding any barbed commentary or insults as he’d always done before. Perhaps he'd learned to forgive.   
  
Knowing he had to see her himself, Luke made his way to the private room Valara had been allocated for her recovery. She was still bedridden, a bacta shortage throughout the fleet meaning her broken bones and burns had to heal naturally. Her face and arms were still slightly red but her skin was not blistered, and Luke was relieved to see her hazel-green eyes were as bright as ever, appraising him as he entered the room and sank into the chair beside her bed.   
  
“Look at us,” he said with a smile, thinking back to when they'd first met. “Back to the beginning.”  
  
The corners of her mouth turned up, exposing the prominent front teeth he’d always found adorable. “Except I don’t think you’ll be able to take me dancing this time.”  
  
Luke put his hand on her knee, and the first thought that popped into his mind was that he could try healing her with the Force. Many times he’d thought back to the night they’d spent together on Yavin; how he’d kissed her eyelids and wished he could help her. In the morning she said the pain had gone even though her medication had worn off, and in the time since Luke had often wondered if he’d unconsciously reached out to her through the Force, and eased her pain through sheer will.   
  
“Will you be alright?” he asked instead, knowing she would likely withdraw if he mentioned the Force.   
  
Valara waved a hand and shrugged. “My legs? Yeah, eventually. But I lost another 1% vision though, and they think it will only degenerate over time.”  
  
Luke’s heart ached for her, and he squeezed her leg. “You’ll go flying again, I promise,” he said, remembering how well they’d complemented each other during the battle.  
  
But Valara shook her head. “No,” she said, her voice strained. “Even I know that’s a lost cause now.”  
  
“I’ll take you,” Luke said, not caring that his voice was stripped of all pretense. “In my ship - we'll go together, like in the simulator, remember?”  
  
Valara blinked a few times, as if holding back tears. “I thought you had nothing left to say to me.”  
  
Luke looked down, thinking he’d been too harsh with her after Endor. His emotions had been already frayed and his body weak after the ordeal with the Emperor, the knowledge that Valara had kept her Force sensitivity a secret since they’d met had tipped him over the edge. In the last year neither had sought the other out, and Luke had taken that as confirmation that she didn’t care.   
  
And yet, when he looked at her again he saw her affection for him, felt her presence in the Force grow warm. There was something there, something real that only needed to be nurtured in order to spring into bloom   
  
Luke reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the warm skin lightly. “That was the end, but I told you, we’re at the beginning again. If you want to be.”  
  
Valara looked down at their joined hands, and when she lifted her gaze again she was smiling. “You know me, Red Five,” she said, tugging on his hand and drawing him close. “Always ready to go another round.”


	15. Chapter 15

****6 ABY - Provisional Senate Chambers, Chandrila****  
  
****  
A year of peace, and Valara found every day more sickening than the last. When the ceasefire between the New Republic and the Empire had been put into place shortly after Jakku she hadn’t worried too much - the Empire was too greedy to accept defeat so readily, and she was sure it wouldn’t be long before they compromised the uneasy truce and drew both sides back into war.  
****  
But they hadn’t, and nor had the fledgling New Republic (although Valara still found that title slightly distasteful.) There was no room for her there: she was a rebel and member of the Alliance, but she’d never be part of the New Republic. She’d resigned her commission from the medbay following the battle of Jakku and had since then floated somewhat aimlessly around the Core and Outer Rim searching for something she wasn’t sure how to define. She tried smuggling but found it pointless, she tried the private sector but grasping businesspeople repulsed her. She even tried working as a flight mechanic on some backrocket but the long hours strained her eyes and she’d been unable to keep up.  
****  
Valara kept finding herself drawn back to the provisional home of the New Republic simply because that’s where Luke lived. Every time she quit a new profession she would go running to him, and he would welcome her into his home and bed and never question her too deeply. When she left again, as she always did, Luke would not ask her to stay, as if he couldn’t bear to hear her refusal, and perhaps knowing that she would always return.  
****  
Only once had he made the suggestion of training with him - while he was a Jedi he’d confided in her that he wanted to hone his own skills before teaching others - and yet he would welcome the opportunity to learn from each other. Valara had shut him down immediately. She wanted to be a Jedi even less than she wanted to be part of the New Republic. Affiliations frightened her, they were binding and dangerous. The Rebellion had been different, a collection of cells and groups pressing back against tyranny and oppression. She had happily fought the war, but found herself lost in the peace.  
****  
Which was why the request from Senator Organa had surprised her. She’d seen Leia a few times since the end of the war, when Luke had convinced Valara to accompany him to some family event or another. But they were hardly close and she doubted she could be of any use to Chancellor Mothma's right hand.  
****  
Leia sat behind a large oro desk in her office, hands folded lightly on the red wood as she appraised Valara, who sat across from her in an uncomfortable chair, one leg crossed over the other and foot bouncing lightly in agitation.  
****  
“So I suppose you’ve heard there is to be a formal peace accord?” Leia said, her voice so cool and even it could only be deliberately so.  
****  
Valara nodded. “Surely you know I think it is a mistake.”  
****  
“Of course,” Leia said lightly. “Which may make the following request rather unusual.”  
****  
That caught Valara’s attention, and she leaned forward slightly in her chair, suspicious. “What could I possibly do for you, Leia?”  
****  
“The details of the Concordance are being hammered out in the Senate, as I’m sure you can imagine, very slowly,” Leia said, a wry smile on her face. “What’s left of the Empire has been driven to the Outer Rim - practically the Unknown Regions. It is anticipated that their Capital will be Rakata Prime, where what remains of their fleet has settled.”  
****  
“So they’ll have the Outer Rim and Unknown Regions,” Valara nodded. “And you’ll have the Core - but not Coruscant.”  
****  
Leia pursed her lips, displeased. “Unfortunately not,” she admitted. “Coruscant will of course be in New Republic space, but it was thought to have too many associations to both the Old Republic and Empire. The Senate wishes for the government to make a fresh start, and although Mon Mothma is popular she wants to avoid any appearance of her grasping for power by rebuilding the Republic here on her home planet.  She has recommended that the Senate be on constant progress throughout New Republic member systems, to allow increased participation in democracy.”  
****  
Valara had very little interest in politics and sighed, leaning back in her chair and folding her arms. “It sounds like you’ve got it all sorted out.”  
****  
“Yes, for the most part.” Leia was smiling again, and Valara could see her role in Leia’s plans were about to be revealed. “But we need to deliver our latest terms to the Imperial Remnant on Rakata Prime, and I need someone I can trust to do it.”  
****  
Valara’s heart sank as Leia’s intention became clear. “I like you, Leia,” she said, forcing herself to return a wry smile. “But we both know there’s a thousand people on this planet alone you trust more than me. Or did Luke ask you to do this?”  
****  
“No,” Leia assured her, shaking her head. “This was my idea entirely...although he did mention you were having difficulties adapting to peacetime.”  
****  
“I see,” Valara scowled. “So you thought you’d give me a nice little errand to run?”  
****  
“It’s not a mere errand,” Leia said sharply. “The future of the Republic and countless lives depend on this treaty being delivered by someone who knows how to keep a secret. You were once an Imperial and then you were a Rebel, but you are not affiliated with the Remnant or the Republic. You’re the only person on this planet whom I trust _and_  who is the closest both sides have to a neutral emissary.”  
  
But Valara was steaming - she didn’t want to be involved in their power plays and politics. She was a soldier, not an ambassador. “And you think it will help me what - have a breakthrough?” she responded bitterly. “Accept my past and embrace my future, find the peace hard one and all that nonsense?”  
****  
Leia looked at her with such kindness it almost made her sick. “Luke cares about you, Valara,” she said softly. “We all want you to find happiness.”  
****  
Valara waved her hand as if swatting away a bug, pushing those thoughts from her mind. “Why do you care so much about this treaty anyway?” she pressed, rising to her feet. “Surely you don’t agree with it either.”  
****  
“No,” Leia said calmly. “I don’t. But I was outvoted, and I believe in democracy.”  
****  
“It’s a mistake.” Valara was certain, and began to pace the room in distress. “The Empire is wounded, and they have slunk away. Your New Republic will prosper and thrive in the beginning, and you will feel safe and victorious - destroy all of your weapons and dismantle your armies because you believe you’ve won. But in the shadows the Empire will be growing strong again, and they will come for you because there is no such thing as defeat for them, there is no such thing as peace. The Empire cannot be contained or reasoned with and dismantled. It must be purged from the root so it can never grow again - that is the only way to _win_ , not just prolong defeat.”  
****  
Valara turned back to Leia’s desk, her fists clenched, tears in her eyes and a bitter lump in her throat that refused to dislodge. And yet Leia was calm in the face of her impassioned speech, slowly rising to her feet and crossing the room to stand before Valara, and it almost seemed as though a wave of tranquility followed her.  
****  
“I agree,” Leia said quietly. “If it were my choice we would keep fighting - but it is not my choice anymore. I have to think of others now - my family must come first.”  
****  
It was only then that Valara remembered Leia had a child - almost a year old now.  "Your son," Valara nodded, swallowing down her bitterness once more.  "What's his name again?"

Leia gave her an amused look, as if knowing Valara had not forgotten.  "Ben."

How happy Luke had been, she remembered, introducing Valara to his young nephew, named for his former master - the man who had brought him, Han and Leia together.   But it was more than that, Luke had confided to her later that night, as they'd held each other in the moonlight.  At first Luke had tentatively suggested the name _Anakin_ , to honour the father and Jedi he'd been before the darkness had consumed him - the name he had reclaimed in the final moments of his life.  But for Leia the pain was still too raw, and felt that name would be too much of a burden to the child who would always fight against his grandfather's legacy.  Instead she suggested he be named for General Kenobi, who had been a frequent hero in the stories her father Bail had told her at bedtime.  If there was a legacy for her son to live up to, let it be the true Jedi who had watched over them both.  Han had flat-out vetoed any son of his to be named Obi-Wan but had accepted Ben as an alternative, and Luke had confided in Valara his pride and abject happiness that his family was growing.  One day perhaps, he could teach young Ben the ways of the Force as Obi-Wan had once done for him.  

There had been a note of longing in his voice though, which Valara had recoiled from, and then he'd asked. _Do you think you'd ever want children?_  And innocent enough question, a general enquiry rather than specific request, but still Valara had simply turned away and said _no_.      

“So you see," Leia touched her arm lightly, drawing Valara out from her thoughts.  "I must take the fragile peace while it lasts - because I don’t want my boy to grow up in wartime like I did.”  
****  
Valara tried to smile but her face ached and her heart felt weighed down. “I’m happy for you, Leia. But what comes next - what happens when that peace fails?”  
****  
Leia reached forward conspiratorially. “There are other ways to resist,” she said with a knowing smile. “The New Republic will grow strong too, like a field-flower blooming in the sun. But we will also be within the Remnant, growing like a weed in the shadows to strangle what’s left of the Empire once and for all.”  
****

* * *

  
Luke’s small apartment was located within a block of the Provisional Senate, a stone’s throw away from the modest home Leia and Han kept. Since the peace he’d never been so happy, the war all but over, his family close by and a young nephew to spoil. He was learning so much about the ways of the Jedi, his frequent expeditions with an Alderaanian refugee Leia had introduced him to yielding many useful artifacts.  He could feel his connection to the Force grow day by day. 

Of course life was far from perfect - he was still plagued by doubts and fears as to how exactly he was to rebuild the Jedi Order when he was overwhelmed with the sheer information he’d discovered. Then there was the matter of what to discard and what to keep, and how exactly he was going to set the whole thing in motion.   
****  
He found the _other_  source of uncertainty seated on his couch, and through the Force Luke could feel Valara's agitation. Although he was overjoyed to see her, he’d learned to read her Force sense and knew when caution was required, otherwise she may lash out like a wounded animal. Sitting down on the couch next to her, Luke gently kissed her cheek.   
****  
“Welcome back,” he said, always careful never to say _welcome_ _home_.   
****  
Through the Force he felt her jagged edges soften slightly, and she turned to him with a smile. “So, your sister has plans for me,” she said, and launched into a rundown of her meeting with Leia. Luke was surprised, but he couldn't fault her reasoning or her clear ulterior motives. More than once Luke had lamented that while his relationship with Valara allowed them both to remain independent and gave him the time to focus on Jedi business, he still missed her and was concerned she would never find stability so long as she kept chasing chaos.  
****  
“I think it’s a good idea,” Luke said when she finished, taking her hand.  
****  
“You would,” Valara huffed. “You probably think I’ll find _closure_  as well.”   
****  
“Well, I wouldn’t put it like that,” Luke said, although he'd broached the subject more than once. “But you’ve spent all of this time trying to forget about your life before, and maybe you can’t find purpose until you stop trying to keep yourself distracted.”  
****  
He braced himself for a string of harsh words and denials, but instead Valara climbed into his lap and pressed her lips to his. His surprise melted almost immediately, and Luke allowed himself a moment to enjoy her in his arms, drinking her in after the drought of their separation. But soon enough reason forced him to pull back, breathless.  
****  
“What’s wrong?” she asked, her plump lips and longing gaze almost breaking his resolve. Luke sighed and shifted her off his lap, standing while he composed himself, running a hand over his mouth and through his hair.  
****  
“This,” he gestured to her. “This is what I’m talking about.”  
****  
Valara laughed. “You read too much into things, Skywalker. I haven’t seen you for weeks, do you expect me to sit here and keep my hands off you?”  
****  
Luke clamped down on a smile. “Yes,” he said. “Because we should talk about this.”  
****  
Valara leaned back on the couch and rolled her eyes. “I agreed to run Leia’s stupid little errand, what’s to talk about?”  
****  
“Us, Valara,” Luke insisted, not realising how far he’d let things go until that moment. “I thought after Jakku that we could start again, and maybe we’d get a bit further this time. But we’re stuck back in that holding pattern. You show up every couple of months, and its wonderful but then you’re off again - restless, aimless.”  
****  
“So I’m not finding peace as fulfilling as you are,” Valara scowled, crossing her arms and looking up at him. “I told you once that peace was for other people to enjoy. Aren’t you kind of flattered that the only sliver of happiness I get is when I’m with you?”  
****  
“But it’s fleeting, V.” Luke knelt down in front of her on the couch, his hands on her knees. “It’s superficial. And it isn’t enough for me anymore.”  
****  
Valara looked down at him, clearly struck by his words. “Do you want me to leave?”  
****  
“No,” he said with exasperation. “I want you to stay - stay with me. Open up to me, share with me everything you’ve been afraid to.”  
****  
Her throat worked as she swallowed, and Luke could sense a tremor in her Force presence. He knew she cared for him, he’d felt it, but there were barriers she kept up that he would never breach unless asked to.  
****  
“I can’t,” she whispered, all of her fears self-loathing clamping so tightly around her heart he could feel it pressing against his own.  
****  
“Yes you can” he encouraged her. “I promise, Valara, I will listen, I won’t reject you. I know you never had a family, not one that was any good for you, but I can be.” His voice broke, and he held her gaze, reaching out through the Force to envelop her in warmth. “I want to be your family. I-”  
****  
She pressed her fingers to his lips. “Don’t say it.”  
****  
He took her hand and squeezed it. “Why not?”  
****  
Valara’s face crumpled, and he saw her unabashed emotion, the wave of her feeling like a tidal wave against him. Luke felt his own love reflected back at him, overwhelming in its intensity, and although her barriers were still there, the emotion leaking through was tenfold what he’d ever felt.  
****  
“Because you don’t need to.” She reached down and pressed her lips to his, drawing him close and kissing him as if her life depended on it.

Luke responded happily, not needing for her to say the words when he felt it so clearly.  Her drew her into his embrace, lifting her up off the couch and she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, not willing to let go for even a second as Luke took her to the bedroom and lay her gently down on the bed.  For a moment he stilled, looking down at her and wanting to remember the moment forever.  Her beautiful hazel-green eyes stared back at him, filled with all that remained unsaid; the fringe of her dark hair fell over her forehead, and Luke gently pushed it back to press a kiss there, much as he'd done the first time they'd been together.  A red blush had formed in her cheeks, accentuating her high cheekbones and giving colour to her usually pale skin.  Her lips were plumped and parted slightly, revealing a hint of her prominent, adorable front teeth.  Valara smiled, as if she knew what he was thinking, and for once not trying to hide from their connection through the Force.

He desperately wanted to tell her he loved her, but acceded to her request not to.  Instead he kissed the corner of her mouth softly, relishing the feel of her smile under his lips.  But then she shifted, brushing her hand against him and working to unbuckle his belt - the time for reflection was over.

They made short work of each other's clothes, caressing and teasing each other until there were no more barriers between them.  Luke kissed her breasts, drawing each pert nipple into his mouth one at a time and sucking hard until she cried out and clutched at his hair.  His fingers quested between her legs, tracing familiar pathways, pressing against her, into her, in all the ways he knew she liked.  Her body was now as familiar to him as his own, knowing exactly how to make her pant and writhe beneath him.  Luke ached with the need to be inside of her, kissing his way back up to her mouth and rubbing his length against her damp heat as she clutched wildly at his back.  

He was just about to drive himself home when Valara pushed him back, reversing their positions so he lay against the sheets and she straddled his thighs.  Luke laughed - she never liked to make it to easy for him, and he enjoyed the view immensely.  She reached up and undid her hair, which had been drawn into a tight bun at the back of her head, making her entire body straighten and stretch, her pert breasts lifting even further and the tight muscles of her abdomen contract.  Dark curls tumbled about her shoulders as she pulled her hair loose and Luke swallowed heavily, his erection aching almost painfully for attention.   

Valara looked down at him and smiled wickedly as her delicate fingers caressed his shaft, making Luke groan in pleasure and relief, bucking his hips up and further into her hands.  She bit her lip in the way that drove him mad as her silken touch drove him further towards the edge, but Luke took a deep breath and clamped down on the feeling, not ready to come until he was inside her.  Thankfully she soon crawled up his chest, rubbing herself against his hardness as she took his face in her hands.  

"Oh Luke," she whispered between ragged breaths, and he caressed the skin of her back, staring deep into her eyes and trying to wordlessly reassure her of his love.  "You and me, its meant so much."

"V," Luke reached up and kissed her.  "It will be more, I promise."

She smiled against his lips, and Luke caught a tendril of her Force sense reaching out to him.  He grasped it, drawing it in and entwining it with his own - it wasn't much, just a glimpse, but it was enough for now.  Valara shifted above him and he grasped her hips, helping her sink down onto him.  She felt incredible, and Luke threw his head back against the pillow as he let out a satisfied groan.    

"You like that, Red Five?" Valara asked, tenderness dissolving into a wry cheek he was far more accustomed to.

"What do you think?" Luke grinned, squeezing her bottom lightly, but it was enough to make her laugh-sigh and arch her back.  Valara grasped onto the bedpost behind his head, using it for leverage as she began to move, riding him with a speed and intensity that made any further teasing impossible.  

Luke kept one hand on her rear, pushing himself up and into her, while his other grasped her breast, kneading it firmly and rubbing her hard nipple.  She cried out, and Luke thought her heard the wood of his bedpost crack under her firm grip as she rode him harder, his eyes squeezing shut and head pressed back into the pillow as the ecstasy began to overwhelm him.  All he could feel was the tight heat of her encasing him, her soft skin, the fullness of her breast, the powerful grip of her thighs as she rocked against him, and it was all he'd ever needed.

Then her back arched and she called out his name in a desperate gasp, her inner muscles contracting around him as she climaxed with a sudden burst of pleasure.  He felt her release through the Force as well, her ecstasy washing over him with an intensity that sent him over the edge, coming so forcefully he gripped her breast a little too hard.  But she didn't seem to mind, moaning slightly and she lay down on is chest and nuzzled her face against him.  They lay there for several minutes, exhausted and satisfied, until Luke gently rolled her onto her back and nestled in beside her.  

Her eyes were open, and she looked at him with such open affection it took his breath away.  He wanted to talk, but was too exhausted, his eyelids too heavy to keep open.  Valara reached for him, stroking his face with such tenderness that it soothed him off towards sleep.

 

* * *

  
When Luke awoke in the morning the bed next to him was cold, and with dread he opened his eyes to find his bedroom empty. Reaching out through the Force he tried to locate Valara’s distinctive Force presence but found nothing - she was already too far out of his reach.   
****  
She’d left like this before, hating goodbyes and always saying she wanted to leave with the memory of him sleeping peacefully, so so she'd said. Luke always knew that she would come back, but this time it felt different. It felt like an end.  
****  
Shifting in the bed Luke noticed a small object on the pillow beside him, still slightly recessed from where she slept. Picking it up Luke saw it was a jade-green stone, smooth on one side with a symbol carved into it, and indented on the other, about the size of a thumb.  
****  
Recognising where it had been worn away through constant use, Luke rubbed the stone with his thumb as he tried to gather his thoughts. He’d given it to her almost five years earlier, and had thought she’d cast it aside much as she had his affection. But she’d kept it all these years, her Force presence resonating within the stone itself, projecting images as he saw her conceal it away in her quarters, taking it out often to hold in her hand, to absently rub it with her thumb, to press it against her chest and think of him.  
****  
His utter happiness was undercut almost immediately as he realised what she was going to do. She’d kept the stone close all those years much as she had done with her true feelings. Only now was she letting him know how much it - and by extension he - had meant to her. It was a goodbye.  
****  
Valara’s mission to Imperial space wasn’t an act of conciliation or to further the peace effort, he realised, but just the opposite.  
****  
She was going to kill them all.


	16. Chapter 16

**6 ABY - Rakata Prime, Imperial Space**

The Imperial Base was cold, the sleek black hallways exactly as Valara remembered them from a hundred installations she'd visited during her time as an Inquisitor. In her hands she held a datapad with several layers of encryption - its only contents the details of the peace treaty between the New Republic and Empire, which if approved would form the basis of what Leia called the Galactic Concordance. But Valara never intended for things to get that far.

This had to be done, she told herself. The peace accord could not go ahead, and if she had to sacrifice her life to achieve that goal she would. Twice she had been denied the glory of death in battle, so she would have to settle for sabotage.

A collection of Imperials were waiting for her in the conference room, all standing to attention with stormtroopers lining the walls. Standard intimidation tactics which Valara dismissed until her attention was drawn to the highest ranking officer, who stepped forward to greet her.

"Valara," the redheaded man smirked and she felt her heartbeat quicken. "We meet again."

Biting back her sudden fear, Valara forced herself to maintain a cool indifference. "Brendol Hux," she said, and forced a smirk of her own. "So you're still alive then?"

"I'm a survivor, my dear," Hux said, his crisp accent cutting through the air like a vibroblade. "As it appears, are you. I suppose it is well for you that you turned traitor, for were you still at the Academy you would have been flogged for addressing a superior officer by name and not rank."

"A flogging, is that all?" Valara said wryly. "You've grown soft in your old age."

Hux scowled. "I can see why Organa chose you to come. You have the appearance of a neutral party, but she knew how we would see you - a reminder of how many of the rebel's ranks were swelled by Imperial defectors. A problem I believe we will not face in the future."

"What do you mean?" Valara felt a shiver go down her spine. She'd been fed Imperial propaganda since birth and had willingly embraced life within the Empire. Yet she'd found a way to break free, as had so many others. What could the remains of the Empire possibly be planning to stop defection, now that the New Republic was in control of the Core and all the more enticing?

"It is of little import," Hux waved his hand. "To you at least. This treaty will ensure the Republic will not interfere with our affairs here."

The implicit threat of his words strengthened Valara's resolve. She could not allow cold-hearted Hux to to raise more child soldiers in his monstrous Academies. If nothing else, his death would make it all worth it.

"Shall we get started then?" she suggested, grip tightening on her datapad.

Hux looked at her in surprise. "Aren't we going to wait for your companion?"

"My what?"

"Organa informed us of a late addition to your party this morning," Hux said, his lip twitching. "I thought you knew. Ah, here he is now."

She heard the doors behind them slide open, and Valara didn't need to turn to know who it was. The soft sound of his boots hitting the floor with an even pace, and the slight flood of warmth through her tightly held Force barriers told her everything she needed to know.

Luke appeared at her side, dressed not in his Jedi robes but simple trousers and an insignia-free blue tunic. He introduced himself to the gathered Imperial Officers in that way he had, clearly cataloguing each and every one of their names so he would not forget.

"Thank you for allowing me on your base." Luke shook Hux's hand last.

"We couldn't refuse the chance to meet the great _Jedi_ Luke Skywalker," Hux said, and behind his clipped words his sarcasm and distaste was clear to all. "I am confidant that this installation has no exposed exhaust ports for you to take advantage of."

Luke chuckled politely, but Valara barely noticed, anger gripping her at the turn of events. She could never set off the bomb with Luke there, his life a sacrifice she would never be willing to make. He had ruined _everything_ , and his presence could hardly be a coincidence. Valara berated herself for leaving the stone with him, since it had clearly somehow telegraphed her intentions. It had been stupid, and simply another reminder of how she'd let things get too far with him once again.

"Valara?" Luke touched her arm. "Are you alright?"

Valara swallowed heavily but her throat felt like sandpaper. "I'm fine."

"You indeed look unwell, my dear," Hux said, his glee at her unease all too familiar. It was a sign of weakness she once would have never dared show, and therefore proved herself unworthy in his eyes.

"Can I suggest we take a break?" Luke said, pressing his hand gently against Valara's back to steady her.

"Of course." Hux nodded to the stormtroopers by the door. "Take them to guest quarters, and we can reconvene in an hour."

* * *

The small room was exactly what Luke would expect from an Imperial Base; sleek, functional and entirely impersonal. And yet Valara, with her impassive face and white pallor, looked rather at home as she sank down onto a black leather settee, holding a datapad to her chest. She was looking in his direction but her gaze seemed to go right through him, like it used to when she was blind.

"Why did you come?" she asked, her voice cold.

She wanted to make him angry, he could tell - to distract him, to make him walk away. But Luke wouldn't give her the satisfaction, and went through a calming exercise in his mind before answering.

"To stop you," Luke told her, seeing no point in avoiding the issue. Valara blinked, her gaze focusing on him for the first time, and she gave him a coquettish smile.

"Stop me from delivering the treaty?" she asked innocently. "I thought you were in favour of peace."

Luke gave her a look and she had the decency to stop smiling. "I'm not in favour of you killing every person on this base. Or yourself." It had been Luke's worst fear, the one he'd grappled with in hyperspace the entire way and confirmed as soon as he'd seen her. She wasn't just on a mission to attack the remains of the Empire - she was going to destroy herself to do it.

"So what did you do, Valara?" Luke asked, forcing himself to sound casual even though inside he was raging. "Did you inject yourself with nanobytes, set to go off at the appropriate time? No," he shook his head when she bit her lip and looked away. "You'd want more control than that, and you'd want something poetic." He looked at the datapad clutched in her hands - the one Leia had given her, which held the New Republic's proposed peace treaty.

"It's that, isn't it?" Luke said, stepping forward to pry the datapad out of her fingers so he could examine it. "Hardwired with some kind of undetectable bomb, set off when the correct code is entered?" Her glance back to him gave confirmation and Luke was sickened by the savagery of turning an instrument of peace into a declaration of war.

"Surely you know what this would do, don't you?" he pressed when she gave no indication of speaking. "The base would be destroyed, with no witnesses to confirm who was the saboteur. Both sides would accuse the other and the tentative peace we've won would be destroyed. But...that's what you want, isn't it?" he asked, his heart sinking. "You want the war to start again - _that's_ what you want to sacrifice yourself for?

Valara held his gaze, a muscle twitching in her cheek. "War is inevitable as long as the Empire lives. It is better to fight now while the Republic is at full strength, otherwise they will never be destroyed."

"But war is not the only answer," Luke said, exasperated, setting the datapad carefully down on the nearby conference table. "The treaty will force the Imperial remnant to demilitarise, their territories will be severely restricted and refugees will flock to the Republic. The Empire will wither away."

Valara stood and folded her arms across her chest, shaking her head slightly. "You're so naive. You forget Luke, I know these people, I know how they think. They will never give up, for all the lip service they will pay to the Republic. They will always strike back, and they'll strike harder because of the indignities they've had to suffer."

"And this," Luke said, drawing close to her and running his hands down her arms. "This is what you're willing to give your life for?"

Her hazel-green eyes pierced his, and he saw only steely resolve. "I always have been."

"And do I mean nothing to you?" he asked, his voice breaking. "Haven't you given any thought to how losing you will _shatter_ me?"

Her stern countenance cracked, her lower lip trembling ever so slightly. "You're better off without me, Luke." Her eyes filled with tears. "I'll only hurt you more if I stay."

"But why do you think that?" he pressed, cupping her face in his hands and wiping away an escaped tear with his thumb. "Surely you don't still believe you're programmed to."

"No." Valara broke free and turned away, her posture as rigid and uncompromising as ever. "Not directly. But you can't trust me, Luke. I turn on everyone eventually - it's my nature."

"I don't believe that." Luke put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently but Valara pulled away again, taking several steps out of his reach.

"I could never tell you before - why I hurt everyone I come into contact with," she said, her voice thick. "I knew you would try and understand, tell yourself it didn't change how you felt but I knew it would, how could it not? But I suppose it doesn't matter now." She took a deep breath and turned back to him, her eyes red and tears spilling unimpeded onto her cheeks.

"I told you once that I never had any friends at the orphanage, but that wasn't true. There was Taleem - he was my age and we grew up together. He was missing a hand - a birth defect - but they wouldn't waste proper bionics and synthflesh on an orphan, and gave him a shoddy mechanical version where only two fingers worked."

Luke flexed his right hand, grateful that the Alliance had given him a state-of-the-art replacement no one would ever know wasn't real unless told. He couldn't imagine not being able to use his hand properly, let alone a child being forced to do so.

"The Teeth and the Claw, they called us," Valara continued, her hand passing over her mouth self-consciously. "But we didn't care, because we stuck together, you know? I could beat up anyone who came too close, and Taleem was pretty good with electronics despite his hand. They sent us off the Academy, and we both excelled although in different courses. Hux was there," her voice hardened. "Commandant Hux. Sir. He's the one who brought in the Inquisitor."

Luke sighed, understanding. "He was in charge of identifying children strong in the Force."

Valara nodded, but she seemed very far away, as if lost in the memory she had tried to years to forget. "They took both of us - me and Taleem. To this day I don't know if it was because he had the Force too or if it was all part of my test. It was what we'd talked of for years, at night in our rock-hard bunks under threadbare blankets, eating stale crackers we'd pilfered from the kitchens. How one day we'd be officers or agents able to _earn_ our place, to prove ourselves more than the wastrel children we were. We loved the Empire, and only wanted it to love us back."

Luke felt compelled to move, to take Valara in his arms and soothe away all of her bad thoughts and memories, but through the Force she was spiked; a tower around herself no one could breach. He could only wait while she took a few deep breaths, clearly trying to spit out the next words.

"I was fifteen you remember? The first time I killed someone." Valara looked at him directly, and not in the way she did when trying to cover a deceit - this look was to inform the truth of her words. ""Taleem and I trained together with the Inquisitors for a month, and then they told us that there was only one place available in their ranks. It could only got to the strongest."

Unable for a moment to process what she meant, Luke blinked, unconsciously taking a step back.

"Is it any surprise he didn't stand a chance?" she continued, her voice breaking as she sobbed. "They'd given him a proper hand by that stage, but I'd been in fist fights since I was five and I knew all of his electronic tricks and traps. The worst part was how easy it was, and how soon any regret was washed away by the praise of the Inquisitors." She wiped the tears from her cheeks but fresh ones fell immediately, and Luke could not longer contain himself. He closed the distance between them in two strides and drew her close, holding her head against his shoulder and stroking her hair.

"So you see?" she asked, even as she pressed her face into his tunic. "I turned on the only friend I ever had like its was nothing, and years later I betrayed my Inquisitor brothers and sisters too."

"Valara," Luke whispered to her softly, still reeling from her confession. "You have to forgive yourself."

"No!" she exclaimed, almost hysterical as she pushed him away. "The Empire has to be purged from the galaxy, every evil eliminated. And that includes me."

Luke ran a hand through his hair as everything fell into place in his mind. Her clumsy attempts to push him away, her general unpleasantness to colleagues, her desperate desire for the release and glory of death. She wanted to make things right in the only way she thought she possibly could.

"Valara," he tried again, approaching her cautiously and tilting her chin upwards to look at him. "The girl who did those things - she was a child who'd never been taught anything but that she must survive. And you broke free - realised the wrong in that life and have spent every moment since fighting against it."

"Too late." She shook her head, forehead creasing in obvious pain. "That's why I need to do this."

"You think your life won't mean anything until it's over," he said desperately. "But it means something to me."

"What?" she asked, lifting her chin - every sorrow and regret clear in her face. When he looked at her his heart broke, all his love and pain and longing flowing outward through the Force and cascading against her tightly held barriers. He grasped her hand and held it to his chest, his eyes locked on hers.

"Everything."

Her face crumpled and she looked close to breaking, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks as Luke gently wiped them away. Through the Force her barriers began to tumble, exposing cracks through which the depth of her agony could be glimpsed. Luke flinched at the dark intensity but did not pull away, filling the holes with his own light and warmth as he held her close and Valara gave a ragged sigh of what seemed like relief.

"I can't make you want to live," he told her. "But I'm not just going to walk away."

"No," Valara said, pulling herself from his grip again, her Force barriers back as strong as ever. "You need to."

"V-" Luke reached for her again but Valara stepped back, grasping the datapad again and holding it tightly against her chest.

"You're a good man, Luke." She almost smiled, a sad, resigned look on her face. "But you never wanted me. You just wanted to save me."

Luke was stung by her accusation. "That's not true."

"Isn't it?" she challenged him. "Not even a little?"

Luke thought back to the first time they were together, and how much he'd wanted to heal her blindness. He'd helped, perhaps, ease her pain but her eyes had mended on their own. It hadn't required his intervention at all, but oh how he'd wanted to claim credit for it.

"You _can't_ save me, Luke," Valara said softly, her eyes now dry and her resolve returned. "I was lost before you ever met me."

He wanted to deny it, to rage and argue and convince her otherwise, but he knew it was pointless. She could not be loved into submission, could not be convinced by his words or feelings. Only she could break the cycle, and he could not and would not force her.

"Alright," he nodded, hating himself but knowing it was time to step back. "I'll leave you to make your choice, and please don't do it for me." He reached out one last time, gently brushing the backs of his fingers against her cheek. "If you choose to live, do it for yourself, because you want to - because you deserve more."

He kissed her - softly, briefly - so she didn't have to return it, and then forced himself to leave.


	17. Chapter 17

**_Millennium_ ** **_Falcon_ ** **, in orbit above Rakata Prime**

There were few things in life that made Han Solo truly angry. It was bad business for a smuggler to let his anger show or hold a grudge - there was no honour among thieves and pointless to pretend there was. Han didn't care if he was double-crossed, swindled, betrayed or hurt. It was all part of the game and he was more than willing to employ the same tactics against others if it would work to his advantage.

But by the seventh Corellian hell, it made him angry if anyone tried to do the same to his family. And Luke had become Han's family long before he'd married Leia - probably since the moment Luke had looked at him across Yavin's hangar, all idealism and defiance. That was the reason he'd asked Luke to come with them, after all. He'd grown attached to the kid in a short space of time, and couldn't bear the thought of him dying all alone in the Death Star assault. That was the reason he'd come back, and had never really wanted to leave again.

So while he and Luke sat in the cockpit of the _Millennium Falcon_ , watching the still blue planet of Rakata Prime below, Han's blood boiled at the torment that he knew must be brewing below Luke's calm expression. Chewie was in the back, having ceded the co-pilot's seat to Luke on the flimsy excuse of maintenance to the internal power couplings, and so they were left to watch and wait.

Han liked Valara well enough, or rather, he had liked how Luke's mood always improved when she was around, and a part of him almost respected her for her continued hate of the fallen Empire. But what he couldn't condone or forgive was the way she'd hurt Luke over and over again. All he wanted was for his friend and brother in law to be happy, and it had become clear that Valara was not a mere fling or escape from the drudgery of war as she had been during the Rebellion. Han could see that Luke's heart was irrevocably lost to her, and were she to die he may not ever recover - especially not when he could have stopped it.

"How long are we going to wait, Luke?" Han asked gently.

Luke's eyes remained fixed on the planet below. "I don't know."

Han scratched his cheek absently and grimaced, unsure of what else to say. He remembered the ferocity of Leia's resolve, more than once willing to forfeit her own life if it would deal a blow to the Empire. But she'd never walked into an Imperial installation clutching a bomb, for which Han was thankful. His thoughts drifted to Leia back on Chandrila, and little Ben who might at that moment be taking his first steps while Han was stuck waiting to see whether or not a woman was going to commit suicide in the most explosive way imaginable. He resented Valara for that, but when Luke had turned up at their door distressed about what had happened Han had immediately volunteered to take Luke to her. What else could he do?

"Han." Luke visibly swallowed, as if he had trouble saying the words. "You don't think...Leia knew about this, do you?"

"No!" Han exclaimed so harshly Luke finally turned to him. "She's your _sister_ , Luke. If she had any idea this was going to happen she'd never have asked Valara to deliver the treaty."

"You're right," Luke rubbed his forehead and looked pained. "I wasn't thinking, of course."

What Han didn't tell Luke was that he'd posed the very same question once they'd calmed Luke down, sending him to gather his things with instructions to meet Han at the spaceport in an hour. Leia had made the comm call to the Imperials on Rakata Prime to inform them of Luke's attendance at the meeting, and when she was done Han had delicately asked whether she'd chosen Valara for the mission because she'd expected her to go rogue. That had earned him a string of well-earned rebukes from his wife - yes, she thought the treaty was a mistake, but she was resolved to work from within the system, not bring back the war.

"Look," Han pointed to movement from the planet; a ship exiting the atmosphere. "It's Imperial, Diplomatic class cruiser."

"That's how she got here," Luke nodded, leaning forward in his seat with a look of desperate hope. Han didn't need to be told that, since they'd been threatened as soon as the _Millennium Falcon_ had entered Imperial space. They'd sent one of the cruisers to pick Luke up and deliver him back, the _Falcon_ having to remain in orbit at all times and closely monitored.

" _Millennium Falcon_ , this is Imperial vessel _Reditum_ ," a stern voice hailed them over the comm. "Delivering New Republic representative in accordance with armistice provisions. Please confirm."

Luke was out the door before they finished speaking, leaving Han to respond and arrange to dock with the cruiser. When he joined Luke and Chewie by the ramp it was already descending, Luke looking anxious and Chewie standing like a guard next to him as if he expected trouble. He'd growled more than once to Han that the whole thing could be an Imperial trick, and clearly was taking no chances with Luke's safety.

But when the ramp had fully lowered Valara was standing there alone, although there were stormtroopers and officers milling around the cruiser's hangar in the distance. She was very pale but otherwise implacable, although to be fair Han had rarely known her to be otherwise. Chewie growled a warning to her, but Luke patted his arm lightly.

"It's alright, Chewie," Luke said softly. "She can come aboard."

Chewie glanced over at Han in clear disapproval, and Han could only shrug in return. It was no surprise that Luke was forgiving - he didn't know how to be anything else.

Valara slowly made her way up the ramp and into the Falcon, her eyes fixed on Luke the whole way as if she didn't even notice that Han and Chewie were there. She stopped before Luke and to his credit he held completely still, returning her gaze with such intensity that Han felt as if he was intruding on an intimate moment.

He hit the release to close the _Falcon_ 's ramp, and when it finally jolted shut Valara pressed herself forward into Luke's waiting arms. They clung to each other in a desperate embrace, her cheek pressed against his shoulder and his head buried in her hair.

Han cleared his throat and turned away. "Come on, Chewie - let's get out of here."

* * *

  
The guest quarters of the _Millennium Falcon_ were small and cramped, consisting of nothing more than a thin bunk built into the hull. It was there that they lay together, fully clothed but pressed against each other as there was no space to be otherwise, their faces only centimetres apart. Luke stroked her hair gently, more soothing than any of his words could have been, and Valara was thankful he had remained silent.

She'd been crying for hours, in a way she'd never allowed herself to do before, not even when she'd been alone. She cried for her lost childhood, for Taleem, for her ambition which had led her to commit so many heinous acts; for the families and lives she'd destroyed, for the length of time it had taken her to realise the evil in the Empire. Luke had simply held her through her tears until her eyes were painfully raw, her head ached and she felt drained of all possible emotion.

"What changed your mind?" Luke asked softly, brushing back the hair from her forehead where it had spilled into her eyes once again.

When he'd left Valara had taken a few minutes to calm herself before returning to the conference room where Hux and his officers were already seated. She'd explained Luke's absence away and Hux had seemed to care little, once he'd confirmed that Luke had indeed returned to the _Falcon_ and was not snooping around the base. He likely thought the behaviour strange, but he'd made a pointed comment at Valara which seemed to indicate he suspected the nature of their relationship. Hux had assumed that he'd come as her bodyguard, and satisfied that she was safe had left her to do the dirty work - as Jedi were wont to do, he'd added with a sneer. Valara had brushed off the insult and brought out her datapad, her fingers itching to punch in the code that would kill them all.

But she just couldn't bring herself to do it, instead typing in the regular password which opened up the document for copying by the Imperial's systems. They'd tutted and huffed over every clause, making copious notes while Valara sat there stone-faced and unresponsive. When they were done she copied their proposed amendments back onto her datapad and left without a word - the job was done, and she didn't plan to return. Let Leia do her own dirty work next time.

"I've lost that killer instinct, I suppose," Valara said, for in truth she didn't know exactly what had stayed her hand.

"I know you may not want to hear this, but...search your feelings," Luke said, touching her forehead lightly, and she felt the warmth of his presence in the Force gently reach out for hers. Closing her eyes, she allowed him in, but only to a point, but it seemed not to matter - he knew how to navigate the pathways of the mind and memory to show her where to find what she was looking for. It felt like a warm summer breeze, and Luke never went too far, keeping clear of the still-high barriers that would take more than this one breakthrough to breach. Rather, he guided her through, showing her the way but allowing her to take her own steps, as he'd once done when she'd been blind.

"Maybe…" Valara opened her eyes, looking into his deep blue ones for confirmation. "If it did it...I'd still be one of _them_. What they made me. A destructive force who didn't care about the collateral damage - I was always like that, even in the Rebellion. And when the war was over...there was nothing left to destroy but myself."

She felt a sense of peace envelop her at the words, as if they'd released at least one of the shackles on her heart. Luke smiled at her, caressing her cheek softly.

"And now?" he asked.

"Now...I don't know," Valara told him.

Luke leaned in to kiss her so tenderly it almost made her heart break. Then he pulled her closer and she went willingly into his arms, his chin resting softly on the top of her head.

"You're not staying, are you?"

Valara sighed and pressed herself closer, wanting one last moment. "You know I can't."

"No." Luke stiffened slightly but did not pull away. "I don't think I do know that." And yet she could easily feel the lie in his words - he'd known since the moment she stepped onto the _Millennium Falcon_ , he just hadn't wanted to admit to to himself.

"I need to find peace, Luke," she said. "I need to learn how to live with myself, find something to live for."

"We can find it together." It was a plea, a last attempt to change her mind even though surely he knew she wouldn't.

Valara sighed and pulled herself from his embrace, sitting up in the bunk and looking down at him thoughtfully. "I know," she said softly, taking his hands and entwining their fingers. "But for now our paths lie in different directions. You want to start finding Jedi to train - you've said as much a dozen times, and I can't be a Jedi, Luke. I'm sorry, but I can't. Maybe I would want to learn to use the Force better, but how quickly would that turn into Jedi training without either of us realising it? And then I would resent you, and myself, and I don't want to ruin us. I want to keep the good memories - they are among the very few I've ever had."

Luke nodded, sitting up beside her and reaching into his pocket and depositing a smooth, jade-green stone in her palm. "Then here - this belongs to you."

"It was a gift," she said softly.

"When you thought I'd never see you again." He closed her fingers around the stone. "Take it - so I know I will someday."

"Don't wait for me Luke," she shook her head, distressed. "I can't promise you anything."

He gave her a sad smile, reaching forward to brush the hair back from her eyes one last time. "Whatever else, I'll always be your friend, Valara. Remember that."

* * *

She walked the length of the _Millennium Falcon_ from Luke's bunk to the cockpit, on the way passing the Wookiee who was cleaning out an engine part with a dirty rag. He gave her a menacing growl, and Valara quickened her pace to the cockpit where Han Solo was seated, his eyes fixed on the blue swirl of hyperspace through the viewscreen.

"So," Han said casually, not even turning around. "Running away, are we?"

Valara scowled and sat down in the co-pilot's seat, earning a glare of disapproval from Han. "What makes you say that?"

"Seems to be a habit of yours," Han said as he turned back to the viewscreen.

"It's better this way."

"Sure, you think that now. But after a few days you'll get guilty, and then you'll just start to miss him. Trust me, sister, I know. Tried to walk away from him and Leia a thousand times. Never took."

Valara grimaced, not about to be lectured. "Well I'm not you."

"That's for damn sure. But here," he handed her a small device with a commlink code. "Just in case you change your mind."

Valara huffed, but stowed the device in her pocket. "Just drop me off at the nearest spaceport. And don't let him follow me."

"Don't worry, he won't." Han looked at her, a sudden sadness in his expression. "Only so much heartache the kid can take. If you ever come back, you'll sure as hell need to make it up to him."

"Well I don't intend to come back, so your point is moot," she said stiffly. It was easier that way, she'd decided. "He'll move on, find someone else. He loves so freely."

Han gave a disbelieving chuckle, shaking his head at her. "Yeah maybe it's better if you go. You clearly don't know him at all."


	18. Chapter 18

**9 ABY - Tuanul Village, Jakku**

The harsh, unrelenting sun bore down on Valara, little diminished by the dark goggles she wore over her eyes or the coarse linens wrapped around her head. She was perched on the edge of a steep rock face, looking down the red buttes and yellow sands of Kelvin Ravine. Eons ago a great river had probably carved out its place between the jutting cliffs, but now there was nothing but rock, sand and Tuanul Village, where a small collection of pilgrims lived a spiritual, ascetic life.

That it was peaceful was probably the best Valara could say for the place, but exile was never meant to be luxurious. Much of the planet was devoid of life, and so quiet that Valara had been forced to be alone with her own thoughts - here on the ridge, down in the village, on journeys into the western reaches for trade. She remembered Luke once telling her of his home planet of Tatooine, calling the silence oppressive. It was, in a way, although likely different for him than it was for her. Luke had strained against the confines of a farmer's life, his thoughts impeded by the silence which only represented the shackles which had been placed on him.

She was free to leave Jakku anytime she wished, but Valara stayed seeking penance. In the silence her dark thoughts and memories could not be pushed down and there was little to distract herself with. She was forced to face them, accept them, as she had never been strong enough to do before.  Under such close scrutiny she hated herself even more, and then eventually less when she learned to let go of that selfish, desperate girl, the one so eager for attention and praise she'd allowed herself to be corrupted and used.  The key was not forgetting that girl, or pretending that she wasn't inside Valara still, but rather reconciling herself to that past, acknowledging her wrong but also seeking to change.

Balance, as the villagers would often say.    

"Va-lara!" A cheerful voice called to her, and Valara turned to see a young girl approach, squinting at the horizon. "Are you up here again?" she asked, using one hand to shield her eyes from the sun. "I don't see what's so interesting about it."

Valara smiled to herself, knowing it was too much to ask a ten year old to understand what she barely knew herself. How could she explain how she cataloged the ever-constant landscape, or that as time went on, she saw less and less of it? How could she describe the creeping darkness at the edges of her vision, the slight blur when she moved her head too quickly?

"It's peaceful, Dasha," she told the girl. "So it doesn't need to be interesting."

Dasha shrugged, twirling one finger around her loose brown hair absently. "Are you coming back to the village?" she asked. "Grandfather has returned, I saw his ship."

"Alright," Valara smiled, lifting herself to her feet and brushing sand off the coarse blue fabric of her skirt. Dasha held out her hand with a smile, and Valara took it after only the slightest hesitation. The people of Tuanul were as hardy as they were pious, living off the barren land and their own ingenuity as if it was paradise. They were an affectionate people; tactile and warm to Valara even when she had been a stranger to them. Over time she had grown to accept the clasped hands and kind embraces given so freely, although she could never completely erase her surprise when they were offered to her.

"Why do you do that?" Dasha asked as they walked back down the ridge towards the village. She nodded towards Valara's free hand, where she held a jade-green stone, her thumb absently rubbing the smooth surface. Valara scowled and closed her fist around it to hide from Dasha's view, cursing the habit which had become almost unconscious.

Dasha looked slightly cowed at her expression, and squeezed her hand lightly as if in apology. "Grandfather has told me before I shouldn't ask."

"He was correct," Valara said coolly, but was unable to bring herself to pull away from the child's grip. She sighed and held out the stone for Dasha to inspect, the girl gasping it with glee.

"It's a worry stone," Valara explained.

Dasha laughed, dropping her hand from Valara's so she could examine the stone further, rubbing her thumb over the indentation experimentally. "We have no worries here,"she said. "Why do you need it?"

"I don't need it," Valara snapped somewhat defensively, but Dasha looked up at her with innocent blue eyes and she immediately regretted it. "It was...a gift."

Dasha nodded, preoccupied with the stone which was likely smoother and with more colour than anything she'd ever seen. Jakku was a planet of sandstone and rust-red rock - gemstones were rare and nothing was green but the rations which had been scavenged from ship debris - The Graveyard, the locals of Nima Outpost like to call it, some distance to the east of Kelvin Ravine. Valara had made the journey many times to trade, and had always been able to wrangle a good deal from the Crolute Unkar Plutt, who ran the Outpost like his own personal kingdom. She never traded for rations, though, the Imperial-issue food stirring too many unpleasant memories.

"Someone must have liked you a lot to give you this," Dasha mused, turning the stone so that the light reflected in the refracted core, highlighting the deep and rich greens within.  "It's so pretty." 

A long-held guilt surfaced, a knot forming in Valara's stomach as she kept her eyes forward and did not answer.  Thankfully Dasha did not press her further, for they soon reached the village and she broke into a run, scurrying across the sands and into the waiting arms of her grandfather. Valara approached at a more sedate pace, but gave the old man a smile.

"Welcome back," she said lightly, and nodded towards Dasha who had wrapped her arms tightly around his waist and was looking up at him with adoration. "It seems you were missed."

"And in return I missed you." Lor San Tekka looked down at Dasha with an indulgent smile, patting her head lightly. "Where is your mother, young one?"

"Out hunting steelpeckers."

"Naturally," Lor tapped his finger lightly on her nose and Dasha giggled. "Has she caught that elusive dune zaywar yet?"

Dasha shook her head. "But she will, and then Valara said she'd help me make a blaster out of one of the tusks."

"Did she now?" Lor looked at her shrewdly.

Valara gave an easy smile and shrugged. She avoided the hunting parties since it reminded her too much of time she'd stalked a different kind of prey, but she was happy to lend her expertise to trading and assisting in the production of hand-made weaponry. She admired the self-sufficiency of life in the village, never taking more from the land than what was needed to sustain themselves - she'd experienced both famine and feast under the Empire, and found a life between the two far more fulfilling than she might have once thought.

Lor looked down at his gradndaughter and tapped Dasha's nose again. " _Thank the Force that I am an instrument of peace…_ "

" _But thank my sword, that I can defend myself_ ," Dasha recited along with him. " _And find Balance therebetween_."

"Very good," Lor kissed the top of her head. "Now you better go clean up before your mother gets back - I'm sure she'll bring enough for a feast!"

Dasha gave Lor one final hug before skipping away, although she was likely to waylay herself at every hut informing them of his return. He was not their clan leader, for the villagers didn't view life in such terms, but he was greatly respected both for his age and long adherence to the Church of the Force.

"Dasha," Lor called after the child, and she turned obediently, smile still on her face. "Give Valara back her stone."

"Oh! Right." Dasha scurried back over and deposited the stone into Valara's open palm. "Thanks for telling me about it."

"You're welcome," Valara said, trying to ignore Lor's knowing look and wondering how he'd known about her trinket. She slipped the stone in her pocket for safekeeping and walked past Lor into his hut, keen to avoid any discussion on that subject.

Once inside she removed her goggles and the fabric from around her head, shaking the sand out of her short hair. It was harder for her to see in the dim light of the dwelling, but Valara had been mentally preparing herself to some time, counting the steps and familiarising herself with her surroundings in case she ever needed it. Six steps from the door to the low table in the centre of the room, ten to cross the entire hut, three from the table to the hearth. Her life had become a study of distance, mentally counting every step she took and filing the information for future reference.

Valara took a seat on one the cushions around the low table, crossing her legs and reaching for the pot of tea which had clearly been prepared for her. She wished she could add a nip of whiskey, but such spirits were in short supply on Jakku and she had to make do with moonshine distilled by old Bertha. It often cost Valara two hours of mindless chatter, but most days it was an easy price to pay.

Lor entered the hut, his every step deliberate and graceful. Valara poured the tea into two cups, inhaling the bittersweet scent of spinbarrel flowers - her favourite.

"Was your journey productive?" she asked, peering a Lor through narrowed eyes, suspicious.

"Very much so," Lor knelt down opposite her, groaning slightly as his knees gave an audible crack. He reached into his pocket and held out a small datachip, placing it on the table between them. "New starcharts recovered from the old Jedi Temple on Ilum."

"More charts," Valara mused, putting down her tea without drinking any. "What's he searching for?"

"What are any of us searching for?" Lor reached for his tea and took a long sip.

Rolling her eyes, Valara picked up her cup again and tried to sound as casual as possible. "How...is he?"

"Luke?" Lor gave her a knowing smile. "He is well. I'm sure he would have enquired the same about you, if only he knew you were here."

It had been the only thing Valara had ever asked of him since she had arrived on Jakku and chosen to live with the people of Tuanal Village. She'd met the Alderaanian refugee a few times during the Rebellion, and once afterwards when he'd accompanied Luke on his travels to hunt down artifacts and Jedi lore. After the near-disaster on Rakata Prime, Valara had drifted aimlessly until by chance she'd come across Lor San Tekka on one of his solo expeditions. Perhaps it had been fate, or perhaps she was just tired of travelling, but she'd accepted his offer to return to Jakku.  It seemed fitting, to seek a new life in the place where she'd almost died.  

"So what are you going to do with that starchart?" Valara changed the subject. "Another journey to some Jedi Tomb in the far-flung reaches of the galaxy?"

"No." Lor took another sip of his tea. "I've told Luke that this was my last mission."

"Oh?"

"I am getting older, Valara," Lor explained. "I want to watch my granddaughter grow up, and Luke doesn't need my help any more. He has rebuilt the Jedi Temple on Devaron, and is teaching others the ways of the Force. That is how it should be."

"I'm surprised you don't want to move your people there," Valara said slyly. "All the better to worship his new Jedi."

Lor gave her a stern look. "My dear, worship is such a vulgar word."

"But accurate," Valara teased him. "Tell me the story again of how Jedi Master Windu once let you hold his cloak?"

"Tsk, tsk." Lor shook his head disapprovingly, but the corners of his mouth curled up into a smile. "You are as insolent as my daughter."

Valara tilted her head slightly, thinking of Marayah Promenti who could shoot a steelpecker right in the heart from three hundred metres away. "I take that as a compliment."

"As well you should." But then Lor sobered slightly, a faraway look in his eyes. "I have known many Jedi," he said wistfully. "Luke is a different breed, the first I have ever met who felt that the Force was in us all, and not simply gifted to a select few. I am near twice his age and have studied the Force my entire life, and yet he has taught me more in these past few years than I could ever have learned in a lifetime alone."

Valara tried not to think of when she'd first met Luke, and his shy humility that had endeared him so quickly to her. "You must think me selfish," she said softly, finally taking a sip of her tea so she wouldn't have to meet Lor's eyes.

"Why ever would I think that?"

Forcing herself to look back up, Valara found only kindness in his gaze that somehow made her feel worse. "Because I have the Force, and do not use it. You and your people must look at me and think, _what a waste_."

"We strive to understand the Will of the Force," Lor told her kindly. "And find the Balance within ourselves. We cannot presume to know or judge the path others must walk. But think of this, my dear - you rejected the Jedi, and yet you came here, to our Church of the Force."

"The Empire died here," she pointed out. "And out there every day scavengers pick over its corpse. Maybe I just like to watch that happen."

"No," Lor shook his head. "I don't believe that's it - at least not wholly. You've been here two years, Valara. Do you even remember why you came?"

"Because I'd spent a lot of time searching for meaning to it all," Valara replied softly, looking down at her hands. "I thought maybe if I stayed still for a while it would find me."

"And has it?"

"I don't know." Valara sighed. "There were other reasons, too."

"Yes, I know." Lor nodded, and for a moment a sadness passed over his face. "But I believe you came here to seek communion with the Force on your own terms, free from the rigidity of Jedi teaching, and away from the temptation to let others fight your battles for you. This place can be enlightening and challenging, but once the demons have been fought it can also be a place to hide. I fear you're stagnating, Valara."

"I have been happy here," she said, a feeble protest against the truth of his words.  "As happy as someone like me can be, I suppose."

"If you still think that," Lor said gently, reaching across the table to rest his hand over hers.  "Then perhaps you have not found true happiness."

It was hard to believe, but she had come to care for the people who had accepted her so freely into their hearts she'd enjoyed the simplicity of their lives, shared stories around their campfires, and listened to their philosophies. But perhaps it was time to move on - perhaps Lor was right.  Her heart had been opened, but it was not yet full.  

"I promised Dasha I would make her a blaster from a zaywar tusk," Valara said wistfully, thinking of the exuberant girl for whom life was still a great adventure.

Lor chuckled, pouring himself another cup of tea. "I'm not suggesting you steal away right this moment, my dear." He refilled Valara's cup and pushed it lightly towards her. "But trust the Will of the Force. I believe it will lead you home."


	19. Chapter 19

**10 ABY -** _**Millennium Falcon** _ **, en route to Devaron**

Valara stared at the dejarik table, lit up with various holomonsters that teetered on their clawed feet, waiting for instructions. She knew exactly which move to make - execute a "fork" by sending her Ng'ok piece to attack two of her opponent's creatures on adjacent squares, ensuring that at least one of those pieces would be lost. But her adversary was hardly her equal - five year old Ben Organa-Solo who was barely tall enough to look at her over the dejarik pieces with his dark, inquisitive eyes.

She should let the child win, right? That had never been Valara's experience, where games had always included an element of danger, and no quarter was given despite deficiencies of age or skill. But that had been a different world, one which she had no desire to emulate. And yet, she was still uncomfortable around children, always at a loss of what to say, every word sounding patronising and awkward to her ears. Although she had formed a friendship of sorts with Dasha, the young granddaughter of Lor San Tekka on Jakku, it had taken many months of uncomfortable conversations to get there. Valara hadn't seen the Solo child since he had been a baby, and the brief introduction by Han when he'd picked her up from Corellia hadn't been enough to relieve Valara's discomfort. She'd suggested the game of dejarik to avoid the need to make conversation.

On the fringes of her consciousness Valara felt a slight prickling as the child clumsily prodded at her with the Force. "How do you know my Uncle again?" he asked, as Valara swatted at his Force probe like she would a bug.

"We're old friends," she answered evenly.

A soft growl emanated from the corner, where Chewbacca was cleaning engine parts with a greasy cloth. Ben looked over at the Wookiee, and then back at Valara with narrowed eyes.

"Chewie doesn't think so."

Valara smiled thinly. "We haven't seen each other in a while, that's all." Wookiees were known to hold grudges and she hadn't expected anything less from Chewbacca, who had never really taken to her. She typed in the command to the dejarik table to go ahead with the fork move, her Ng'ok slinking forward to take out one of Ben's creatures. The boy scowled, scrutinising the board to see what his response could be.

"Why?" Ben asked, as his Kintan Strider piece lept forward two places.

"Why haven't we seen each other?" Valara was surprised by the question. "We've both been busy I suppose. Your Uncle's been training new Jedi, that takes a great deal of work."

Ben looked unconvinced. "Uncle Luke says that no matter what, he always has time for me."

"Well, you're family, aren't you? It's different."

"Dad says friends are just as important as family," Ben countered. "So why wouldn't Uncle Luke have time for you too?"

"Okay, Ben." Han Solo strode into the room from the cockpit, ruffling his son's hair. "Enough with the inquisition - Valara's had enough of those in her life." He winked and gave her a lopsided grin.

"Yes, but usually I was on the other side of it," she pointed out, earning a laugh from Han as he joined Chewie on the floor, examining the cleaned engine parts. Ben looked at her curiously, and Valara felt oddly scrutinised - far more than she should have be a child of five, no matter how strong he was in the Force.

"So, Ben," she changed the subject. "Do you want to be a Jedi like your Uncle Luke?"

"Yep," Ben nodded his head. "It's my destiny."

"That's a big word for a little boy," she said, clamping down on her laughter at his serious expression.

"It's a big destiny," Ben raised his chin. "I have to be a Jedi."

Valara covered her mouth to conceal her smile. Although the little boy very much resembled Han, the determined resolve in his face was all Skywalker.

"Now, now Ben," Han called. "As your mother and I have told you a dozen times, you don't _have_ to be anything."

"I know, Dad." Ben rolled his eyes as if his father was a supreme embarrassment. "But it's the family tradition - that's what everyone says."

"Well, don't forget that _other_ family tradition," Han suggested, hauling himself to his feet and ambling over to the dejarik table.

"What, smuggling?" Valara asked, amused.

"No…" Han crept up beside Ben and then lifted him up into his arms. "Nerfherding!" He swung Ben around and the child's seriousness fell away as he dissolved into giggles. There was a pang of loneliness in Valara's heart, watching Han roughhouse with his son, the two of them laughing joyfully together as they play-wrestled on the floor. She had felt the same on Jakku, watching Lor San Tekka with his daughter and granddaughter - the kind of unconditional love that came with family.

"Alright, alright, I give." Han was on his back, Ben kneeling triumphantly on his chest with a wide smile on his face. Gone was the serious, precocious boy of a few minutes earlier, and in his place was a typical five year old, elated by the affection of his father.

"I got you good, Dad," Ben said, hopping off his father's chest and allowing him to sit up.

"You sure did, sport," Han ruffled his hair again, and Valara couldn't help but smile. "Just remember, no matter what Jedi stuff your Uncle Luke teaches you, it's your old man who can show you how to fight dirty."

"Charming," Valara said dryly. "Corellian rules of engagement, huh? _Engage, no rules_."

"You got that right, sister." Han grunted slightly as he got off the floor, sliding into the booth Ben had vacated. The boy himself sprinted over to assist Chewie with the engine parts, and the Wookiee gave him an adorning, fanged grin.

"So, what are you going to say to Luke?" Han asked casually as he inputted a move into the dejarik board that cost Valara her best piece.

Deciding that the question was genuine, Valara shrugged. "What would you suggest?"

"Begging would probably work," Han shot her a sly grin. "Maybe a marriage proposal."

Valara felt her cheeks grow warm. "That's not why I'm going there," she insisted, focusing on the board but finding her options limited. "I'm asking him for training, that's all."

"Sure," Han drew out the word languidly, and Valara bit her tongue lest she let slip the reason why she sought training. Her vision became a fraction worse day by day - even concentrating on the dejarik board had given her a headache. But she wouldn't admit that weakness in front of Han, nor anybody else. Let him think what he liked, and if he'd agreed to take her to Devaron because of his own misplaced beliefs about her motives, so be it.

"So are you going to let Ben train with Luke someday?" Valara asked, looking over at the boy who was cleaning an engine coupling so eagerly he was likely to rub off the sheen. Chewbacca gently took his hand and with a few soft growls showed him the correct method.

"Not until he's older," Han told her, following her gaze and smiled to himself. "Luke's doesn't want to take any kids full-time. Something about letting them experience the galaxy a bit before they come to him for training."

Valara was glad to hear it. The thought of Luke emulating his Jedi forebears and indoctrinating youth into the Order unsettled her - it was too close to what had been done to her, no matter that his intentions were far better than those of her teachers.

"He probably didn't want his Temple to turn into Jedi day care."

Han chuckled. "Yeah, that too. And it's nice, you know? We follow the Senate around as they move from planet to planet, Leia works and Ben and I explore - we visit Luke often enough, too."

"Who'd have thought it?" she teased him, thinking back to the brash, arrogant man she'd first met after the Battle of Yavin. "Han Solo - the family man?"

"I know, right?" Han laughed again, but his pride and happiness shone through. "It's those Skywalker's, I tell ya. They make you want so much more."

Valara bit her lip, thinking wistfully of the happy times she'd shared with Luke - even of the kindness and affection she'd been shown from Leia and Han over the years.

"I know what you mean."

* * *

Devaron was a fertile, green planet teeming with the Force. Although Republic guide books would call the climate temperate, it was a tad too humid for Luke's liking, the planet's surface often covered with a steamy mist that could linger until after noon. And yet he was more at home here, in the Outer Rim, than he had ever felt on Coruscant or Chandrila. Perhaps it was the Jedi Temple of Eedit, located on the planet's north continent, that eased his mind.

He'd visited Devaron many years earlier, of course, after the Battle of Yavin when he'd been drawn to the place through persistent dreams. The Temple of Eedit had seemed like something out of a fairy tale - a tall, white tower in a sea of thick, thorny vines. It was Devaron where Luke's journey as a Jedi had truly begun, and when deciding to teach others the ways of the Force there had been no other option in his mind.

But for once Luke was not training students, or pouring over Jedi texts, or even conversing with the native Devaronians who graciously shared the land with him. Instead he was waiting at the entrance to the Temple, watching the _Millennium Falcon_ approach with all her usual grace and charm. That was to say, the ship lumbered and jerked towards the ground, making even a perfectly executed landing look clumsy.

It was an unexpected visit but hardly unwelcome, and Luke smiled as the gangway lowered itself to the ground. Unable to wait, a child with floppy dark hair jumped the remaining distance and started to run at him with flailing limbs.

"Uncle Luke!" Ben squealed as he hauled himself into Luke's waiting arms.

"Oof." Luke toppled backwards, the wind knocked out of him by the force of Ben's hug. "You're getting so big," he managed to wheeze as Ben loomed over him, for he seemed to have grown twice what he should have since their last visit. "Soon you'll be taller than I am."

"That's not to hard, Kid." Han's unmistakable drawl was heard as Ben tugged on Luke's hand, helping him back up into a crouch.

"We got a surprise for you, Uncle Luke," Ben told him seriously.

"Oh?" Luke smiled to himself and pinched Ben's cheek. "What-"

He took in a sharp breath as he felt it, a familiar presence floating on the periphery of his Force sense. It was less sharp than it used to be, and darkness which had always clung to her was still there, but it was somewhat tempered, as if it was slowly peeling off, exposing a bright core which had never been allowed to shine.

"Valara," he whispered as he stood, waiting for her to approach. Her name sounded strange on his tongue - he hadn't spoken it in four years. Her hair was shorter than he remembered, cropped around her shoulders, and gone was the fringe which had always hung in her eyes. Now he could see them fully unimpeded, and while the green in them was no less beautiful, there was something else he couldn't quite place.

"Hello, Luke." She smiled and stopped a few paces before him.

An intense and swift wave of feeling rose within him at the sound of her voice, her crisp accent, the way her lips formed around his name. But it was quashed almost immediately by a remembered pain and the sorrow of what had felt like abandonment.

At his side, Ben squeezed Luke's hand tightly and tugged on it, and when he looked down the boy was chewing anxiously on his bottom lip.

"She said she's your friend." Ben shot what could only be described as a suspicious glance at Valara, and then looked back up at Luke with dark eyes. "Is that true?"

"Yes." Luke cast his gaze back at the woman before him, and couldn't help but smile. "It's true."

Valara gave Luke an impish look. "Ben and I have become friends, too."

But Ben crinkled his nose in clear distaste. "Nuh uh. She cheats at dejarik."

Luke laughed - to Ben, anytime he didn't win the other person had to have been cheating. "So what have you been up to?" he asked, changing the subject and refocusing his attention on his nephew, unsure of how to deal with Valara's appearance right then.

"We've been watching swoop races on Corellia," Ben grinned, jumping up and down slightly in excitement.

"Oh?" Luke gave Han a knowing look. "Your Dad still harbouring that dream of being a swoop-racer?"

"It could happen!" Han insisted.

"Oh no," Luke shook his head at Ben in mock horror. "He's not going to tell the story about the CIC escape again?"

"No, Kid, tell us about Beggar's Canyon," Han rolled his eyes. "Because _that_ never gets old."

Ben was almost falling over himself laughing as Chewbacca threatened to bash their heads together if he had to hear either one of those stories again, and slammed one fist into the other paw to prove it.

"Ahem." Valara cleared her throat, reminding them of her presence and giving Han a pointed look.

"Right." Han nodded and clapped his hands together. "Come on, Ben, let's go to the kitchens and see if they have any cookies."

"Cookies!" Ben threw his hands up in the air and sprinted off towards the Temple, Chewie following closely behind. Han gave Luke a firm pat on the shoulder as he walked past, as if to wish him good luck. Curious, he turned back to Valara, who seemed suddenly uneasy.

"So you've been on Corellia all this time?" he asked evenly.

"For the past few months."

"And before that?"

Valara looked away, her shoulder tensing. "A graveyard."

It was clearly something she did not wish to discuss, and Luke did not press the issue. "It's good to see you," he said, stepping forward and pressing a soft, friendly kiss to her cheek. She smiled and turned her face upwards towards his.

"Is it?" she asked. "We didn't leave on the best of terms."

Luke waved his hand dismissively and stepped back. "That's all in the past," he assured her, never one to hold a grudge. "And why wouldn't I be happy to know you've come to ask me to train you?"

Valara gave a surprised but pleased smile. "How do you know that?"

"Why else would you be here?"

"Fair enough," Valara inclined her head. "But you should know I'm not here to be a Jedi. That's not the path for me - but I do want to learn how to use the Force better."

He couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed, although her willingness to embrace the Force was a vast improvement on her prior attitude.

"That's alright," he nodded. "I'm happy to teach anyone who wants to learn - the ways of the Force shouldn't be hoarded by the Jedi alone."

"Good." Valara looked relieved. "So why don't you show me your Temple?"

He was happy to do so, taking her inside the tower to the various rooms and chambers he'd restored; the training gyms, the meditation spaces; the expansive libraries and simulation rooms. On the way he introduced her to his students, some in their late teens, the youngest he would consent to teach, and others well into their middle age. Luke hesitated to call the Temple an Academy - for he had implemented no formal rules or titles just yet. Rather he accepted those who sought knowledge and wisdom, with only a few marked for more extensive Jedi training.

They were in the sparring squares when he noticed it - Valara's fixed and determined look which darted over every object in the vicinity, the close scrutiny as if committing every inch of it to memory; the slight stiffness of her walk and the occasional squinting of her eyes.

"How bad has your vision become?" he asked lightly, reaching out to guide her by the elbow.

"Not as bad as all that," she said somewhat sharply, pulling away from his hand.

"I see," Luke said quietly.

Valara sighed and turned to face him, and he saw in her eyes that which had been unknown before - an encroaching darkness that could not be stopped. It was only on the fringes, barely noticeable and slow-moving, but clearly inevitable.

"Accepting the Force isn't why you're here," Luke said, disappointment lancing through him. "You've only come back now that you need something from me."

"I suppose so," Valara looked up at him with a bare, open expression - she was afraid. "I'm not your usual pilgrim, and you'd have every right to send me packing."

"I never send away anyone asking for help." He reached out and gently tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear. "You should know that by now."

"Even me?"

"Especially you." His chest felt tight, and Luke forced himself to focus as he pulled back. "The Force can help you see - to open your mind to the world around you when your eyes can't be trusted. But have you thought about bionics?"

"No," Valara said firmly. "Never. I saw with someone else's vision once before - and I know that was different, but...I want to keep what's mine." She looked away, her lower lip trembling slightly. "That sounds silly, I know."

"Not at all." Luke took her hand, and this time she did not pull away. "Come - I've got one last thing to show you."

He took to her the very top of the tower, where vast open windows let in the light. It was a garden, blooming with life and radiating with the Force. In the centre was a tree, with long and wide roots which had crept all along the surface of the garden, even into the walls of the tower.

"It once grew in the heart of the Jedi Temple on Courscant," Luke explained softly, as Valara approached the tree and pressed her palm against the trunk. "Taken by the Empire, whittled down to no more than a sapling. But in the few years I've been here, look how it's grown."

Valara looked up at the branches and leaves of the tree which almost encompassed the entire room. Almost at full maturity, it was the lifeforce of the entire Temple, an epicentre of pure Force energy.

"I keep to to remind myself that the Jedi endure - as long as hope endures."

When Valara turned back to him her eyes were wet, and he could sense the power of the Force which had reached into and touched her troubled soul.

"It's wonderful, Luke," she told him. "You've done so well."

"Thank you."

"It makes me feel like I made the right decision," she added, crossing her arms over her chest and looking down at her feet. "You would never have been able to do all of this if you'd been distracted with me."

Luke pursed his lips, unpleasant memories flooding back - of those isolated days after she'd left, how he'd struggled on alone, every waking hour devoted to rebuilding the Temple. While the company of his family, friends and now students alleviated much of the loneliness in his heart, sometimes in the dark of night he reached out for something just beyond his grasp, collecting only the bitter regrets at what could have been.

"You underestimate me, Valara," he said lightly. "You always have."


	20. Chapter 20

**10 ABY, Jedi Temple, Devaron**

Every morning as the sun rose, Luke held meditation sessions in the tower of the Jedi Temple. He sat at the base of his Force tree, the one which had been liberated from the Empire after Endor. He'd recounted the story to Valara years ago and at the time she hadn't thought much of it - just another relic to add to his collection. But seeing it grown, its strong branches reaching out like grasping fingers towards the sun that streamed in through the open windows, the soft, green leaves that rustled slightly in the breeze, feeling the purity of the Force that emanated from it - gave her a sense of peace she hadn't been able to find even on Jakku.

Valara hadn't made a habit of attending the daily meditation sessions, although Luke urged her to do so. He was used to rising with the sun, while she enjoyed a sleep in if she could manage it, her thoughts always clouded immediately after she woke. But she'd dragged herself from bed that morning, knowing that she had to take Luke's advice sometime.

Perhaps thirty others were in attendance as a few stragglers like herself wandered in. Luke sat cross-legged under his tree, his eyes closed and hands resting lightly on his knees. On either side of him were his two acknowledged apprentices - a Togruta woman Laisha and a male Abenedo named Maliak, both strong in the Force and eager to become Jedi. There was a collection of padawans seated together nearby, hopefuls of all ages and races who had begun basic Jedi training. Farnay, a native Devaronian who acted as emissary to the Temple from the local populace, sat on the other side of the room with a small collection of her people. There were scholars and historians who had found their way to the Temple, and several acolytes of the Church of the Force, eager to make their home in the heart of the new Jedi Order. None, thankfully, were from Jakku, since her time on the planet was something Valara wanted to keep for herself. But there were vicarages all over the galaxy and pilgrims had flocked to Devaron to meet Luke Skywalker and touch the warm trunk of his Force tree.

Valara took a seat by herself, crossing her legs and straightening out her back as Luke had taught her. Closing her eyes, she took deep, even breaths, settling first into a state of calm before reaching out through the Force to join the collective. It was like a surging river, the Force presence of all that were gathered streaming around her. Luke was the current, guiding and directing them so that they could feel one another, but did not merge.

It was not unpleasant; Luke's spirit familiar and warm. She could feel the others as well, surrounding her but not in the intrusive way she'd once felt with her Inquisitor brethren.

_Open yourself up to the Force_. Luke's voice in her mind, and no doubt everyone else's in the room. _Listen to what it has to say_.

As an Inquisitor she'd been taught that the Force was a mere tool, a power to wield. After she'd joined the Rebellion she'd done her best to never think about the Force at all, and on Jakku her contemplation had been directed inward. Now Luke was encouraging her to branch out and embrace the Living Force rather than isolating herself away from it, although that was difficult since her nature was always to pull away. There was a low murmur in her ears distracting her, like the buzzing of gnats which was likely the minds of the other students.

_Concentrate_. Luke's voice again. _Feel those around you, don't block them out, but don't intrude on them either. You are walking different paths, but you are still beside one another._

Valara followed his instruction, not seeking to ignore the others as was her instinct. Instead she let them linger on her periphery while retaining her focus as Luke had taught her, her eyes closed but willing herself to see.

The Force tree was the first light to break through the darkness, and in her mind it quickly took shape, the strong, erect trunk, the spindly branches, even the delicate leaves. It was not the same as seeing with her eyes, as there was no hope of discerning colour or detail. Rather she felt the Force pulsating through her surroundings, and she was slowly learning to isolate the individual beings and objects from one another to get a general sense of the space.

Luke was a fountain of light, almost drowning out everything else in the room, but through concentration Valara was slowly able to pull things into better focus, the beings around her discernible as figures of white and grey. She turned her face towards the open window to her right and reached out with her mind until she could see small pinpoints of light signifying birds flying through the air. She could even hear their song, her senses heightened and freed and she let herself be carried away by the high, trilling notes as they called to one another.

_Good, Valara_. Luke again, speaking to her directly this time. _Trust your senses, they will not lie to you._

She wondered if he was carrying on a dozen different conversations with the rest of the student gathered, sharing their meditation and helping them find their own paths. Not for the first time, his mastery of the Force both awed and frightened her.

He must have sensed her reticence, because she felt him withdraw slightly to the fringes of her consciousness. Valara wanted to reach for him, pull him back but stopped herself. He had other students to teach, and she'd promised herself that while she'd come for Luke's help, she would do this on her own.

Time passed, and when Luke called to them to finish the session the sun had risen. "Thank you for sharing your journey with me," he said, so genial and earnest Valara had to clamp down on a smile. And yet she found his hokey words somewhat endearing, pulling up her knees to her chin and allowing herself the time to watch him. However bright he shone through the Force, she knew she would miss the sight of him as her vision slowly decayed.

"Some of you have come here to walk the path of a Jedi," Luke said as he rose to his feet. "Which is a noble and lofty goal." He began to walk slowly around the room, taking the time to address everyone assembled. "I was once told by my Master that a Jedi requires a deep commitment and serious mind, but if you want to be a true Jedi you must understand that our life is one of service. To be a Jedi is not about showing off tricks or proving yourself a warrior. It is about using your gifts to improve the lives of others, to be a conduit of the Force to keep it in balance."

For a moment Valara was reminded of when he'd stood before her flight class, delivering a speech that was equal parts inspiration and realism. He truly was a born teacher.

"Some of you have come seeking knowledge, or a better understanding of the Force, and that too is worthy." Luke passed through the crowd, nodding to a few. "The Force is present in all life and all things - every single one of you here - it courses through your veins. You are the Balance, too, and every creature in this universe, be they Jedi or layperson, from the lowliest sand-crawler to the Chancellor of the Republic, all have the same worth. Never forget that."

Luke passed by her as he said those words, and although he did not glance down, he reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder for the briefest of moments before moving on.

* * *

The dining hall of the Jedi Temple was simple in style, with tables to accommodate groups of various sizes and a collection of chairs adapted to both humanoids and species of less conventional shapes. Valara took her seat at a small table in the corner, inhaling the scent of slow roasted nerf stew she'd chosen for evening meal.

Temple living was mostly communal - no one was asked to fund their stay, but rather to earn their keep through a roster system. Cleaning, gardening and administrative work was assigned to all residents on a rotating basis with no one exempt, not even Luke, who liked to win people over by associating each task to some kind of Force training. Valara had to admit that likening sanding the floor of the sparring squares to lightsaber kata was fair enough, but thought explaining away scrubbing the 'fresher as "focus exercises" was a bit much.

Kitchen duties were also in the rotation, except the position of head chef, the only role for which Luke had actively recruited. Abelia was a native Ithorian, but in the years following the fall of the Empire she had become the darling of the Coruscanti elite, her restaurant booked two years in advance. How Luke had convinced her to come to Devaron and work in the Temple kitchen for a tenth of what she was earning before, no one had any idea. But the food was delicious, and Valara spooned a helping of the stew into her mouth, the flavours rich and hearty.

"Eating alone, V?" Luke approached with a loaded tray and took a seat across from her with a teasing smile. "How shocking."

"I'm hardly beating them away with a stick." She smiled back at him and took another bite of her stew. "You're the first person to come over and try and sit with me."

"Maybe they're scared," Luke suggested, looking down at his numerous plates for a moment before picking up a spiced nerf skewers and taking a bite. "You do tend to give off a vibe that says _keep away_."

"You know me Luke," Valara shrugged. "I've never been one for pleasantries."

"Every person here has their story," Luke said. "If you bothered to ask, maybe you'd find conversations that weren't just an exchange of pleasantries."

"Like this one?" Valara teased, reaching for her bowl of boiled rice and tipping it into her stew, mixing it in to soak up the rich sauce. "Don't scowl, Luke, you know I always enjoyed exchanging _pleasantries_ with you."

Luke smiled but did not answer, finishing off his nerf skewers and moving onto a plate of roasted fowl and root-vegetable mash. "How is your vision today?" he changed the subject.

"Fine." Valara lied, choosing not to tell him about the debilitating headache that had come on after she'd spent two hours in the archives reading the writings of a blind Jedi Master who'd lived five hundred years earlier.

"I'm glad you came to meditation this morning," he said, gaze lifting to her again.

"It wasn't a complete waste of time," Valara conceded, taking a sip of water. "I did...see, or as close to it as possible."

Luke nodded. "In time, it will become second nature. Don't worry, Valara, we'll find the answer together."

"It's been a while since we've done anything together." She propped one elbow on the table rested her chin in her palm. "Are you sure you remember how?"

This time Luke's face split into a grin and he laughed lightly, folding his arms on the table and leaning forward. "I'm sure it will come back to me."

It felt good to flirt with him again, for everything to fall away but his beautiful smile and kind eyes, drawing her in again. She'd missed it.

But the moment was broken almost as soon as it had begun, Luke visibly checking himself and leaning back in his chair, eyes darting to something beyond Valara's shoulder. She felt a strange sort of tingling at the back of her mind, and turned to see a short woman of an unfamiliar species approach. That the creature was old would be an understatement; her orange-gold skin was wrinkled and no hair was visible under the grey woollen cap she wore on her head. But her gait was graceful, with no apparent discomfort in her stride, ambling slowly over their table.

"Hello, Maz," Luke called to her. "What brings you here?"

The woman pulled out a chair and clambered up onto it, giving Valara a sly look before turning to Luke. "What else, Skywalker?" she asked in a husky, accented voice. "I've found something you may want."

"Of course," Luke nodded, and then turned to Valara. "Maz Kanata," he gestured to the woman by way of introduction.

"I'm Valara." She nodded, unable to stop staring at the strange, clear goggles the creature wore over her eyes.

"Yes, I guessed as much," Maz chuckled to herself as Valara looked over at Luke quizzically, but he gave an embarrassed sort of shrug and looked away.

"Maz runs an...establishment on Takodana, in the Mid-Rim," Luke said hastily.

"I know it." A planet not that far from Jakku, it was a haven for smugglers and criminals.

"She's been kind enough to share her knowledge of the old Order with me," Luke added.

"Oh?" Valara raised her eyebrows. "Are you a Jedi?"

Maz laughed again, her large head bobbing up and down. "Sweet sarlacc no, child. Just old as sin."

"And strong in the Force," Luke added. "One day I'll get you to teach me your soul-sight, Maz."

"Soul-sight?" Valara felt suddenly uneasy. "What's that?"

Maz touched one spindly finger to the rim of her goggles. "Something that cannot be taught, as you well know, Luke," she admonished him, then reached into her bag to retrieve a lightsaber and lay it on the table. "In the meantime, this will have to do."

"Maz is kind enough to procure items of interest for me," Luke explained. "You wouldn't believe the Force artifacts traded on the black market."

But Valara wasn't listening, her eyes fixed on the lightsaber resting on the table with a long steel-grey hilt indicating it was double-bladed, and a ringed emitter which would allow the blades to spin.

"That's an Inquisitor's lightsaber," she said, her tongue thick as she looked at Luke accusingly. "Why would you want that?"

Luke picked up the hilt and examined it. "There's nothing inherently evil about a blade's design," he said evenly. "It's missing the kyber crystals."

Maz clucked her tongue. "Yes, I know," she replied. "But I thought you might find it interesting nonetheless."

"It might be worthwhile to study different forms of lightsaber combat," he said, putting the blade down and giving Valara a beseeching look. "Unless you have a strong objection."

Swallowing down the bile that had risen in her throat, Valara shook her head. What objection could she have, that the sight of it made her uncomfortable, that it reminded her of all she'd once done with a similar blade? He'd only suggest, quite rightly, that it was time she acknowledged such things, not hide from them.

"So, how much do I owe you?" Luke asked.

"1200 credits." Maz peered up at him through her goggles, clearly pleased.

"For a saber with no crystal?" Valara asked, eyebrows raised. "I think you were cheated."

"Including my commission, of course," Maz smiled, revealing rows of pointed, ale-stained teeth. "It takes time and fuel to schlep out here, my girl."

"That price is fine, Maz," Luke stood. "I'll go arrange it." He grasped the saber hilt and left purposefully, and Valara watched his even stride until he disappeared from the hall.

"He'll be a while." Valara turned to Maz and forced a smile. "He's probably going to tinker with that thing for an hour before he remembers to get the credits."

Maz helped herself to the remnants of Luke's lunch. "Nice of him to let us ladies talk."

Valara shifted slightly in her seat, pushing her near-empty bowl away. "How did you know who I was?"

Maz turned, dark eyes behind her goggles studying her. "The cries of the heart are the loudest, my dear."

Valara rolled her eyes at the triteness of the phrase, but Maz smacked her light on the arm in reprimand. "Scoff all you like," she scolded. "But know I see through you - even without my soul-sight. Luke told me once about you - oh, not much, but enough for me to get the picture. So when I walked in here and you two were making eyes at each other, who else could you be?"

"I'm hardly the only woman whose been in Luke's life," Valara protested, looking around the room and wondering if anyone else had seen her with him and thought the same thing.

Maz gave her a hard look as she gnawed on a fowl drumstick. "I don't need the Force to see your problem, my girl. Willful ignorance is worse than any other kind."

Valara scowled and rose to her feet, not about to be lectured by someone she'd only known three minutes. Shoving her hands harshly into her jacket pockets, Valara stalked out of the dining hall and through the corridors of the Temple. Her expression must have been dark, for everyone she passed gave her a wide berth until she was outside and blessedly alone. But Valara didn't stop there, walking into the thicket of vines that surrounded the Temple, the green stalks and low-hanging mist quickly obscuring the building from view. She sat down heavily on a large vine which had grown along the rich brown earth and exhaled harshly.

Her peace was interrupted when Maz Kanata approached looking unapologetic. "Skittish, aren't you?"

There had once been a time when she'd been considered anything but. Valara looked down at her boots and didn't respond.

"It's pretty easy to run when things get hard, isn't it?" Maz's voice became softer. "Then you don't have to deal with what you left behind - until it catches up with you, of course."

Valara looked back up as Maz grew closer. "Do you always speak in platitudes?"

"If I thought subtlety would work on you my dear, I'd use it."

Despite herself, Valara began to laugh - being scared off by a few pointed words from a creature half her size was rather silly. Especially when they'd been true.

"Have you ever asked yourself why your first instinct is to run?" Maz eyed her keenly, and Valara felt a tingling on the back of her mind again, her levity falling away as quickly as it had come. But there was something in Maz's expression that invited trust.

"I suppose…" Valara looked down at her boots again, tapping the toes together lightly. She thought back to being trapped at the orphanage, and all the years she'd spent hating it, wanting to escape. "I hated the place where I started so much, I've never really stopped trying to get away."

"Valara." She reached forward and gently tugged at Valara's sleeve until she withdrew her hand from her pocket. Maz clasped it with her long, orange fingers, ornate gold bracelets clinking together. "You grew up all alone, and you are alone still - all your running has not changed that."

"I came here, didn't I?" Valara said, the excuse sounding weak even to her own ears. "The only time in my life I've ever come back."

"And yet, you still run," Maz pressed, squeezing Valara's hand gently. "In your heart, and with your words. Tell me truly, have you ever been honest with him - with yourself?"

Valara thought back to all the conversations she'd had with Luke - she'd shared more with him that any other person alive. He certainly knew her better than anyone else, but she had to admit he didn't know everything. She'd still kept herself cloistered, those final barriers around her heart and deepest secrets fortified and strong.

"No," she admitted, blinking back tears.

"And why is that?" Maz leaned in closer, her eyes narrowing as if trying to discern the answer. "Why are you so afraid of happiness?"

"I'm not afraid of anything." Automatic, defiant words.

"Please child, be honest." Maz's voice was firm. "There is nothing you can hide from me, that is my gift. I _see_ people."

"And what do you see in me?" Valara asked, a lump forming in her throat.

Maz reached up and adjusted her goggles, working the toggles on each side which had the strange effect of magnifying her eyes. Startled, Valara pulled back slightly as Maz started at her intently. The tingle at the back of Valara's mind returned, stronger this time, but her gaze was locked onto Maz's, seemingly unable to break away as a searching wave passed through her.

After a few moments Maz stepped back, working the toggles again as her eyes returned to their normal size. She then lifted the goggles up, resting them on the top of her head before taking Valara's hand again.

"I see a girl who paid a high price for her ambition," she said softly. "But who was brave enough to stray from the path set before her. Evil is grown, child, surely you know that by now."

Valara swallowed heavily. "Does it still grow in me?"

"Only you can answer that."

"I'm afraid, sometimes," she said in almost a whisper. "Of what I'm capable of."

"Luke would tell you that fear is a path to the dark side," Maz said. "But I would say to you that fear is useful, if it forces you to answer it with courage."

Valara had never thought of herself as someone who lacked courage - she had flung herself into every dangerous mission the Empire and Rebellion had ever given her with nary a thought for the possible danger. But she knew that wasn't what Maz was talking about.

"Luke is coming," Maz told her, squeezing her hand again. "Now is your chance, girl, to tell him everything you've feared to before." She turned, placing her goggles back over her eyes and sure enough within moments Luke appeared, a small box in his hand.

"There you are," he said with a smile as he approached and handed it over. "Your credits, Maz."

"My thanks," Maz nodded, stowing the box away in her satchel. "I've been having a nice little talk to your girl here."

Luke laughed. "Well she's not mine, but I'm glad to hear it."

"Hmph." Maz cast back a sly look at Valara, who recoiled slightly. She wasn't as convinced as she'd been a few moments before, that old fear creeping back into her mind. Maz sighed with disappointment, and then turned back to Luke.

"And you?" she demanded of him.

Luke frowned, peering down at Maz in confusion. "Me what?"

Maz sighed and shook her head. "The young have such short memories."

"Oh." Luke's gaze flittered from Maz to Valara, and he shifted his weight nervously. "Right."

Valara's heart began to race - what exactly had Luke told Maz about her, and what had the old creature advised him to do? She looked up at Luke hopefully but he avoided her gaze, and Maz's head swiveled back and forth between the two of them until eventually she threw her hands up in the air.

" _What do you see Maz_ , they ask," she said. "I tell you what I see - stupidity! _He deserves better_ , _she needs time_ , but underneath that a longing so deep that it draws you back together time and time again." She smacked one hand into her palm, her bangles shaking. "It's all there, in your eyes, but neither of you are brave enough to actually _look_ at the other!"

Valara bit her lip, feeling like a child who'd been chided for pilfering from the kitchens. Of course, Maz wasn't whacking her fingers with a cane or refusing her food for two days so it was hardly comparable, but the woman's disappointment was worse somehow.

Maz huffed. "Make it work, fools." And with that she stalked away, her diminutive form disappearing between the sea of vines that surrounded them.

* * *

That night Valara lay restlessly in the small quarters which had been allocated to her, Maz Kanata's words spinning through her mind. After she'd left she'd looked to Luke - wanting desperately for him to say something but he'd withdrawn with the excuse of afternoon classes. She'd spent the rest of the day hiking and looking for answers within as Maz had suggested, but Valara still found her mind troubled.

She sighed and turned over, reaching to open a drawer in the bedside table and remove a small jade stone. It was cold in her hand, and in the dim moonlight filtering in through the open window the inside no longer shone as it had done under the bright sun of Jakku. Valara ran her thumb over the indent and took a deep breath, seeking calm in what had been a daily ritual on Jakku.

Strangely, it was the first time she had reached for the stone since arriving on Devaron. Perhaps it was the regular mediation sessions Luke held in the tower which left her thoughts clear when it came time to sleep.

_Be honest_. Maz's voice again, unable to be denied. The truth was, on Jakku when she'd struggled to sleep and reached for the stone, her thoughts had often drifted eventually to Luke. His smile that never failed to incite the same response in her, his gentle teasing in response to her sternness, the strength of his arms as he held her, the passion they shared followed by blissful moments of peace.

Happiness had always been a foreign concept to her. In the orphanage they'd been unwanted, unloved burdens, so what right did they have to hope for or expect anything more? As an Imperial cadet and then an Inquisitor she'd been encouraged to feel satisfaction in her service to the Empire but nothing more - positive emotions were frivolous and unnecessary. Loyalty was crucial; happiness was not.

So when she'd joined the Rebellion the idea that life could be anything more hadn't even crossed her mind. Even when she'd met Luke he had been just that - satisfaction, a pleasant distraction from the war that raged all around them. But Maz Kanata had been right - she had kept coming back to him, unable to stay away. It had evolved into something far deeper, something she had convinced herself she wasn't capable of feeling. Now she had come back to him again, and if she was honest, it wasn't because she needed training.

Valara pushed aside her blankets and rose to her feet, stowing the jade stone back in it's drawer. She crept barefoot down the still, silent hallways of the Temple until she found Luke's door. It was unlocked, and she slipped inside, taking a moment to survey the open-plan living quarters. They were larger than her own but only slightly, the furnishings sparse and plain. The only extravagance was the multitude of holos scattered around the room, hanging on the walls and placed on almost every available surface. They were mostly of his family - Han, Leia and young Ben, with the Wookiee Chewbacca and Luke's two droids often appearing as well. Others were filled with the smiling faces of his friends from the Rebellion - Wedge Antilles, Wes Janson, Hobbie Klivan, Shara Bey, Kes Dameron and their little boy Poe. There were none of her, Valara noted, and although she wasn't surprised there was an odd tug in her chest.

Only two faces was unfamiliar to her, the holos in pride of place on the bureau. The first was of a beautiful woman with dark eyes and hair - it looked like a holo a family would keep of their daughter once she'd moved away. The second image was grainy, as if it had been spliced from an old news report, containing the visage of a young man with sandy hair and a charming grin. A scar marred the side of his face beside his right eye, but that only added to his roguish good looks. Still, a shiver went down her spine and Valara forced herself to turn away and enter Luke's bedroom.

Despite the darkness of the room she could sense that he was awake - as if somehow he'd known. The cold feeling disintegrated in his presence, and Luke turned his face towards her, his soft smile visible in the dark as he lifted the blankets. Valara crawled into the bed beside him and lay her head in the crook of his neck as his arm curled around her.

"I've been waiting for you," he said softly, his warm breath tickling her hair.

That was it, she realised - he'd needed her to make the first step. She sighed and nuzzled closer, inhaling his familiar scent. "Maz talked some sense into me."

"Oh?" Luke rubbed her arm lightly. "What did she say?"

"That I'd never really been honest with myself," she said, toying absently with a loose thread on Luke's tunic. "What did she say to you?"

There was a long pause before Luke answered. "It was a long time ago," he spoke up eventually, his fingers still lightly running up and down her arm in a way that soothed her. "She told me that there was more to life than duty, and to strive for more - if I ever got the chance again."

"I thought you would have known that already," Valara murmured. "While I was away, I kept expecting to hear you'd gotten married."

Luke chuckled softly, and she felt the soft vibration of his chest against her cheek. "Rebuilding the Jedi hasn't left a lot of time for dating."

Valara bit her lip. "Is that the only reason?"

Luke was silent for a moment before sighing deeply. "No."

Smiling to herself, Valara rested her hand flat against Luke's chest. Even though the fabric of his tunic she could feel his heartbeat, strong and steady but perhaps slightly quickened. _Be honest_ , she told herself.

"You know you weren't completely right before," she said softly. "About only coming back because I needed something from you."

"No?"

Valara took another deep breath, and steeled herself. "The truth is, I just need you."

She felt Luke smile against her hair, his hand coming to rest on her waist and arm tightening around her. It was like a weight had been lifted from her chest, and she felt calm even when he didn't say anything in return.

It was just a first step, and a small one at that, something she should have told him years ago. Something she should have admitted to herself even earlier. Better late than never, Valara thought to herself, her eyes fluttering closed as she drifted off into an easy and restful sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**10 ABY, Jedi Temple, Devaron**

Valara awoke with a sense of unease, and turned her face towards the open window where a breeze was lightly rustling the linen curtains. The sun was already piercing through the morning mist - she'd slept in. Turning over, Valara ran her hand over the empty bed beside her, a slight depression in the mattress from where Luke had slept.

It had been several weeks since she had gone to him, and every night since when the Temple was silent and its inhabitants abed she crept down the hallways and into his room. Luke would always welcome her to slide in beside him and they would talk, often just about the mundane events of the day, but sometimes the conversation would drift deeper - she would speak more freely about her childhood and the Inquisitorius, and he told her all he had discovered about his mother and father.

In the dark and in his arms her secrets flowed more freely than they had ever done before. But words and a soft embrace was as far as they ever went, their relationship remaining utterly chaste. But as Valara ran her hand through the rumpled sheets and inhaled Luke's scent that still lingered, the stab a longing hit her in the gut was impossible to ignore. She didn't dare reach out for him in the night, knowing that they'd made that mistake far too often in the past, but it was also clear that they were on the cusp of something powerful.

Valara pushed aside those thoughts and rose to get ready for the day. Luckily Luke's quarters were located in an isolated wing of the Temple and so no one was around to see her creep back to her own room even though it was late morning. She'd missed meditation, so decided to make her way down to the sparring gym.

Luke's apprentice Laisha was already there, performing a kata for Form V lightsaber combat, her lekku bouncing softly as she did so. Otherwise the room was empty, and Valara wound her way through the bleachers, collecting various items which had been left there the day before.

"I wondered who had forgotten to clean up last night." The Togruta threw her a smile as she practiced a blocking move.

"I didn't forget." Valara picked up a discarded sash and flung it over her shoulder. It had been another headache, and she'd retreated to her bed to rest right after dinner but hadn't been able to sleep until she'd gone to Luke later. Unable to keep her headaches from him any longer, Luke had held her face in his hands, pressing the pads of his index fingers gently to her temples. The pain had eased with sweet relief, and he'd promised to teach her the healing power and suggested a reduced workload. Valara had refused, adamant that she must pull her weight and learn to cope.

"Do you want to join me?" Laisha tried again, and although Valara appreciated the girl's attempt at kindness she shook her head and continued with her work. It didn't take long; practice weapons returned to the storage room, robes and attire sent to the laundry and rubbish disposed of. By that time Laisha had moved onto practicing with her lightsaber, the green blade reflecting off her pink and purple lekku as she swung it around.

Valara sat down on the bleachers to watch, intrigued by her style which was obviously influenced by Luke's, but had a certain flamboyance to it. Laisha was quick, moving the saber from one hand to the other, spinning the handle around her wrist twice.

"Where do you think you are?" Valara asked when she could stand it no more. "The Felucian Academy for Baton Twirling?"

Laisha halted, shutting down her blade as the pink skin of her cheeks darkened to red, making her zig-zag face marking stand out. "I've been watching holos of Old Republic Jedi - many of them employed such moves."

"After they mastered the basics," Valara said sternly as she rose and approached the young Togruta. "While you're flipping that thing around your opponent can attack you here." She pointed to Laisha's unprotected side. "Or here," she pointed to her left kneecap. "Your inexperience leaves you open."

"Will you spar with me then?" Laisha asked, unperturbed by the rebuke. "I want to learn."

A chill went down Valara's spine, and she turned away. "I'll watch," she conceded, taking her seat back on the bleachers. "And tell you what you're doing wrong."

That worked well for a time, with Valara calling out advice and instructions and Laisha quickly adapting to fix her mistakes. When they stopped for a break she plonked herself down on the bench, and Valara instinctively shifted slightly away. But it Laisha noticed she didn't say anything, her smile broad.

"You're a good teacher," she said, her breathing still slightly laboured. "I mean, Luke is too, but he tells me to trust my instincts a lot, and I worry that my instincts aren't right."

Valara nodded, threading her fingers together on her lap. "He's has such a strong connection to the Force, he forgets not everyone hears it as clearly as he does."

"Right?" Laisha inched closer, seizing on the common ground between them and this time Valara forced herself not to move away. "Sometimes it's just nice to be told _how_ to do something, rather than trying to figure things out by myself."

"Careful though," Valara cautioned her. "Lest it go too far the other way."

Laisha's smile faded into something more serious, but Valara could still see excitement simmering under the surface. She nodded, leaning in closer still.

"Were you really an Inquisitor?"

Valara bristled, looking away as her hands clenched together in her lap.

"I'm sorry, Luke said you didn't like to talk about it," Laisha said. "He told me not to ask."

If Luke had one firm rule at the Academy, it was that people address him by his first name. They would always greet him in awe, _it's such an honour to meet you, Master Skywalker_ , and he'd always reply, _call me Luke_. Some took to it straight away, while some - usually the older ones - held firm for a while until they were worn down by Luke's affable insistence.

"Yet you did ask." Valara appraised Laisha coolly, but held her gaze steadily and did not blink - not challenging her, but not backing down either.

"Yes."

"I don't always do what Luke tells me either." Valara smiled, satisfied by Laisha's resolve. "And I suppose I should talk about it."

Laisha looked visibly relieved. "Did you know the Emperor?"

"I met him once," Valara told her, blood running cold at the memory. "We were overseen by the Grand Inquisitor, who answered to Darth Vader. The Emperor rarely gave orders directly."

"My older sisters were both slaves in his court," Laisha said softly. "I was only a child, and my parents were able to get me away at the cost of their own lives - I traced the records of my sisters to Coruscant, but have never been able to find out what happened to them."

Valara swallowed the sudden bitter taste in her mouth. "I can't help you, I'm sorry." She was - how many times had she walked past slaves in the Imperial Palace and not seen their suffering? How many excuses had she made for the system that had made her, abused her, and then risen her?

"I know." Laisha's gaze slid away, and she was visibly disappointed. "But...what did the dark side feel like?"

"I hope you never know."

"But how am I to fight it if I cannot recognise it?" she pressed. "Luke says not to suppress my feelings, but not to let them rule me either. I feel anger and sorrow about my mother, but what of that is natural emotion, and what is dangerous?"

"You'd be better off asking Luke those kinds of questions."

Laisha looked down at her hands, abashed. "I already pester him so much. And you always seem so...controlled. So self-possessed - I wish I could be like that."

"How I learned that isn't exactly aspirational," Valara said, that cold feeling of dread returning. "As an Inquisitor, we were taught not to feel anything except gratitude and loyalty to the Empire for our position, satisfaction in fulfilling our purpose in life. And when you feel nothing, control is easy."

"You feel now, though." Laisha put a hand on her arm, squeezing it lightly. "When you look at him, a little bit of that control slips."

Valara looked away. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Laisha laughed. "Of course not." She reached into the bag by her feet and withdrew a lightsaber handle, different to the one clipped to her belt. "If you don't want to talk about that, perhaps you can help me with this." She held out the Inquisitor lightsaber Luke had purchased from Maz Kanata.

"Did Luke give you that?" Valara was concerned - it hardly seemed in character for him to hand over an unfamiliar blade to an apprentice.

"It was in his weapons room," Laisha defended herself, the blush on her pink cheeks indicating her guilt. "He didn't say _not_ to use it, and you're the best person to show me."

"You're brave, girl," Valara couldn't help but smile. "I'll give you that. And I don't want you to cut off your hand with that thing." She held out her palm, and Laisha dropped the saber handle into it. It was sleek, and she didn't recognise it as belonging to any of her former comrades. But she reminded herself that she'd likely been quickly replaced when she'd defected, and many years had passed before the Empire fell.

Still, just the shape of the blade with its semi-circular emitter made her pulse quicken. There was a pull of familiarity inside of her, not unpleasant but still slightly frightening. Laisha stood and crossed to the centre of the sparring square, folding her arms and looking to Valara expectantly.

"It is much the same as a normal lightsaber," Valara said as she stood at the edge of the sparring square and ignited one side of the blood-red blade. "Just longer," she added with a smile, thumbing the switch which extended the second blade as she held the lightsaber horizontally in front of her and shifted into a defensive stance.

"Length doesn't necessarily improve performance." A warm voice called from across the room, and Valara turned to see Luke leaning casually against the bleachers. She threw him a flirtatious smile.

"Really? That hasn't been my experience," she teased him.

"It means nothing if you don't know how to wield it."

"Oh, I know how." Valara grinned over the red glow of her lightsaber blade. "As has been _your_ experience."

Her words had the desired effect, and Luke grinned, his Force sense rippling pleasantly. Laisha cleared her throat, reminding them of her presence.

"I'm here to learn lightsaber combat," she said dryly. "Not innuendo."

"Don't underestimate the power of unsettling your opponent," Valara told her, moving into attack stance. Then she advanced, grasping the saber with both hands and striking at Laisha with one blade and then the other. She blocked easily enough, although she seemed a little surprised by the speed of Valara's attack, but quickly found a pace. Luke had taught Laisha well, although she had the tendency of most beginners to over rely on standard moves of the Form and so it was easy for Valara to anticipate her movements.

It wasn't long before she'd confused the girl, knocking her lightsaber away with one of her red blades, and then holding the other to Laisha's throat.

"See?" Valara kept her eyes on Laisha, enjoying her defeat, but raising her voice to Luke. "An extra blade is an advantage."

"Yes, congratulations on overcoming a beginner." Luke strode forward, resting his hand lightly on Laisha's back. "Not that you didn't do well, Lai'," he added. "Your footwork has greatly improved."

Laisha didn't seem cowed by her defeat. "Like you say, Luke, every defeat is a chance to learn."

"And Valara's happy to give the lesson." Luke winked at her, still playful although she felt a ripple of his intent. "But can she school me, do you think?"

"I think it's something I'd like to see," Laisha said slyly, slipping away to collect her saber and take a seat on the bleachers.

Valara stepped back but kept her lightsaber activated, a thrilling surge of anticipation down her spine. She'd never dueled with Luke before although he'd asked - she'd been too wary of being drawn back into her Inquisitor mindset, but when she'd sparred with Laisha it had sparked something in her long forgotten, tapped into a well of adrenaline impossible to ignore.

In one smooth motion Luke drew his own lightsaber and ignited the green blade, bringing it up vertically before his face in a classic Jedi sign of respect. Valara grasped the long handle of her weapon with both hands and pivoted on one foot, bring one blade down towards his.

They met with a resounding crack, the energy of each blade impacting against the other in fits of sizzling sparks. Valara kept her eyes on his face, lit up by the green and red of their sabers, his expression determined but calm.

She began her attack and they dueled, a precise but frenzied volley of parries and thrusts as they danced each other around the sparring square. Valara had known he was an exceptional swordsman from watching him train, but was astounded at the ease in which he fended off her dual-bladed blows with his solitary one. Within minutes she was panting heavily, sweat beading on her forehead and the back of her neck while he remained unruffled, the small smile on his face almost taunting her.

Valara fended off a blow and took a few steps backward, holding her blade before herself with one outstretched arm. Luke hung back, intrigued as to her next move. He must have figured it out, Valara told herself, perhaps even practiced carefully in private. But she'd show him how to truly wield an Inquisitor blade. With her free hand she flicked the switch on the emitter and the second half of it snapped into place; the handle now encased by a perfect circle of steel. She heard Laisha gasp as the twin blades began to spin around the emitter, picking up speed until the blades were moving so fast they formed a light shield.

Luke laughed and stepped back into an attack stance. "A neat trick," he declared. "But one that only compensates for lack of skill."

"Come get me then, if you're so sure."

"Pleasure." He moved forward with characteristic grace, bringing his blade down upon hers but was repelled. Valara chuckled, the power shifting between them as she only needed to make small movements to fend off his attacks. Then she pushed back against him, years of practice and battle flooding back to her as she pressed her advantage. How many hours had she spent training with such a saber, the laser power turned down so a mistake would result in injury rather than a lost limb? But the Grand Inquisitor had not been an easy master, and every time she clawed a victory he would turn the power up, pushing her not just to excel, but to be without fault. How many nights had she wept as she'd applied the bacta salve to her legs and arms, the effect only minimal against burns so severe? But she had mastered the weapon, and an insidious voice inside her called her wasteful for abandoning the skill until now.

The friendly spar turned on such thoughts as Valara set her sights on victory. She could taste it, feel it in the thrill that ran up her spine and tingled in her belly, hear it in the clash of their blades, smell it in the sweat that clung to her hair. Luke's smile was gone, his focus honed in on her and she could feel him cautiously on the fringes of her thoughts but she battered him away.

However, he proved himself greater than any of her past opponents when he took an unexpected step back and then stabbed with his saber directly at her heart. The solid, strong movement was timed perfectly to penetrate the spinning blades of her lightsaber, halting them in place. Valara looked down at Luke's green blade mere centimetres from her body, but of course the movement and distance had been precisely calculated. She'd never seen anyone use such a move - not even the Grand Inquisitor whose skill with the blade had far exceeded her own.

Inexplicable rage filled her as _that_ voice railed against defeat. Valara swung her blade again, throwing Luke off kilter, and she felt his surprise in the Force. Bested, he must have expected her to accept good naturedly, exchange a few playful words and have a long discussion about technique. Instead she gave him a fresh assault, her old drive fueling her, as powerful as it had ever been before she's suppressed it. Now it rose to the fore like a pilot gleeful to be back at the controls, and Valara swung her blade wildly.

Luke could only be kept off guard for a second, and defended against her spinning blades which struck at him again and again. When she got too close, her blade skimming just centimetres away from his right shoulder, he deflected with his lightsaber in one hand, and then held out the other and pushed. Valara was thrown backwards, Luke deactivating her lightsaber with the Force as she flew through the air. She landed in a crouch, and looked down at her lifeless weapon as white-hot rage erupted within her. How _dare_ he disarm her?

She thumbed the twin blades back on spin, stretching her arm behind herself as they picked up speed. Then she rose and launched the saber at him with one swift movement, heedless of Laisha's gasp or Luke's grunt of surprise. But the moment it left her hand she regretted it, a silent _no_ forming on her lips as the spinning blades flew directly at Luke's head.

He deflected it with a swift movement of his own blade, sending it spinning onto the far side of the room where it hit a sparring mat, ripping through the rubber before deactivating and coming to rest on the floor.

Valara panted heavily, pressing a hand to her mouth as a wave of nausea passed through her. What had she done? She could have killed him, and for what? She turned to Laisha, wide-eyed and trembling on the bench.

"There, did you feel it?" Valara asked her. "The dark side?"

Unable to look at Luke she ran from the room, the pain of failure closing like a vice around her heart.

* * *

It was late - past midnight by Luke's reckoning. Usually Valara had come to him by now, but the long minutes ticked by and she did not appear in his doorway as he had grown used to. He knew what kept her away, of course, how could he have expected otherwise? She was ashamed, and his gentle understanding would only make her feel worse.

Having spent years without her, it was strange how quickly Luke had become accustomed to her warm body curled up beside his, the idle way she toyed with the loose fabric of his tunic when they talked, the smell of her hair when he awoke in the morning. He reached out to her through the Force, carefully navigating the rest of the sleeping populace to gently touch her mind.

_Please come._

A long time ago, she would have refused just to prove she could. But Luke hoped that they had moved beyond such meaningless games, and was proved right when within ten minutes her shadow appeared in the doorway. He could still feel the aftershocks of the dark side about the fringes of her presence, but he did not pull back. Instead Luke lifted the blankets as he always did, allowing her to slide in beside him.

This time Valara turned in his arms back to face the doorway, although she accepted his embrace as he shifted his body to spoon her. Luke did not speak, knowing how difficult it had been for her to come at all, to face him after her failure in the sparring square. How dark she'd felt in those moments, how unpredictable and relentless that even hours later it still clung to her.

"That girl of yours is rather inquisitive." Valara's voice was measured and calm, but Luke did not miss her deliberate choice of words.

"She will make a fine Jedi," Luke replied, happy to begin with an easy point of conversation. "Although I admit I do not always have the answers for her."

"Ah, so _trust your instincts_ is Jedi code for _I have no idea_?"

"You know all my secrets," Luke shifted closer to her.

"No I don't," Valara said mildly. "And I shouldn't."

She was projecting, but Luke didn't want to press the issue too soon. "You know more than anyone else. You're the only one here who sees me as something other than the wise Jedi with the power of the universe in my hand."

Valara ran her fingers lightly along his arm around her waist. "That's because I remember a fresh-faced farmboy who didn't know the difference between an under-swoop and a pitch maneuver."

"That's because I flew on instinct, not form," he teased. "And besides, they call it a Skywalker Swoop now."

"Of course they do." He couldn't see it, but knew she was rolling her eyes. "If they named something after me, it would be the Valara Valet: doing all the work and getting none of the credit."

"The Valara Vantage point," Luke suggested. "In sims you'd always fly above everyone else."

"The Valara Vamp," she shot back. "How to seduce the hotshot young pilot every other girl is going wild over."

"With insults, as I recall," Luke teased, before lifting himself up on one elbow to get a better view of her face. "The Valara Valiant," he added softly, running one finger lightly over the scars by her eyes. "For extreme bravery."

"How can you say that?" Her voice was very soft. "After what happened today."

"Valara." He stroked her cheek lightly, and she looked up at him, her eyes filled with great sorrow and regret. "You knew that was still inside of you, surely you didn't think ignoring it would be enough?"

She cast her gaze down again, but did not flinch when he reached out to her through the Force, seeking to envelop her in a safe, warm cocoon.

"You failed, so what?" he continued, running his hand along her upper arm, warming the cold skin. "It happens. I know - I failed so many times early in my training I got used to it, and it wasn't the same for you. I know in the Empire failure meant punishment or death, and embracing the dark was the only way to survive. But that darkness isn't who you are, it's what you were taught."

Valara shifted slightly and bit her lip, but he knew she was listening.

"Yoda once told me that I had to unlearn what I had learned. I think what he meant was that nothing defines us completely, because we are constantly learning, constantly growing. And we move in the wrong direction, we can correct it."

Curling up within herself, Valara pulled the blankets up to her chest and sighed. "It's a long way to come back from."

"But not impossible," he pressed, his most fervent belief. "The dark side was always described to me as a fall - but no one can fall forever, eventually they must reach the bottom. And once there they can choose to stay, or to claw their way back out."

Valara was silent for a long time, and he could feel the workings of her mind even if he could not discern her exact thoughts. "I shut myself away from it," she said eventually, nodding ever so slightly. "I thought if I found peace that would be enough, but I need to learn tolerance."

"Balance," Luke corrected her. "The darkness within you must be faced - only then can you overcome it, and live with it."

Valara turned in his arms, taking his face in her hands. She seemed anxious as her eyes darted over his face, as if she was searching for something - his reassurance?

"When I threw that blade at you, I was right back to that girl who killed her only friend for position," she said softly.

"Taleem." Luke recalled her confession so long ago. She'd only spoken of him obliquely since, the wound still painful.

"He told me to, and I obeyed - my will so weak against him."

"Who?"

"The Grand Inquisitor," she told him, visibly shuddering. "He had once been a Jedi you know - a Temple Guard."

Luke was surprised that the Emperor would have allowed it, but he supposed the man had found it fitting to distort and turn a Jedi into an Inquisitor. Palpatine had been a true corrupting force, everyone he turned a victory because in turn the dark side would infect others. But this was the key, he realised. Not the moment when it had begun for Valara - no, they had been pulling her her soul since birth. But the moment her path had been set.

"Show me," he requested softly. "Show me what you cannot tell me."

Valara's eyes widened for a moment, but then she closed them and opened herself up to him. Luke pressed his forehead lightly against hers and saw through her eyes, the memory as crisp as if it was his own, but coming to him in flashes.

_The Grand Inquisitor - humanoid but not human; tall, his skin white with red markings. Choosing her, praising her, training her. Six brothers and sisters of varying races who made up the Inquisitorius._

_Taleem on the floor, defeated, the Inquisitors forming a circle around her, but their faces did not contain the approval she had expected._

" _You must finish him." The Grand Inquisitor, his voice cultured and rich but with an edge of steel. "To serve the Empire you must sever all bonds, prove that you cannot be swayed by emotion."_

_Taleem looking up at her with his large, dark eyes, saying nothing but pleading with her all the same. The snap-hiss of the Inquisitor's lightsaber, feeling the edge of it sear her hair and the red shaft in the corner of her eye._

" _There is no place for the weak here. Finish him."_

_Hesitation. Flashes of the past, them both much younger, sitting on hard bunks and giggling, swapping stories, her punching an older boy in the face for calling him crippled, Taleem teaching her the inner workings of an alarm system._

_The Inquisitor's voice again, screaming, demanding, ordering. What was she, if not obedient?_

_Raising her blaster and shooting Taleem right between the eyes. An emptiness where he had once been in her heart and mind._

_The Grand Inquisitor's hand clasping her shoulder, his crisp voice in her year. "Good. But my dear, you hesitated, and that is unacceptable."_

_The attack from her left, the First Brother with his fiststriking her cheek. Blocking the second blow; another coming for her._

_Pain screaming through her, on the floor, badly battered and sobbing._

_The Grand Inquisitor ordering a halt, knelling down before her, using the sleeve of his own robe to clean the blood from her face._

" _The Empire was benevolent. You were an_ _unwanted child, and you were given a place to live, food to eat, a chance to prove yourself. That is a debt you can never repay."_

_The truth she had been taught since birth._

" _And now I have saved your life again - so it belongs to me, do you understand_?"

_Her mouth tasting like blood, her lip swollen, her arm broken. "Yes."_

_His dark smile, his gentle but strong arms helping her to her feet. The others closing in on her again, but this time embracing her._

" _You are our sister, now_."

Luke gasped as he pulled himself from the vision, reminding himself that they were only shadows of a past. Valara's face was wet, and the look she gave him expected rejection.

"Oh, V," he said, drawing her close. "I wish I could take these burdens from you."

"No," she shook her head and sniffed. "They are mine to bear."

"Not alone," he assured her, brushing back the hair from her forehead and placing a gentle kiss to the scars around her eyes. "Not alone anymore."


	22. Chapter 22

**11 ABY, Jedi Temple, Devaron**

It was the middle of summer and temperatures had been climbing higher every day, much to the discomfort of the Temple residents. For Luke himself it was perhaps worse than for most, for while he was accustomed to the heat, he struggled with the humidity and fierce downpours of rain. While the stone Temple walls kept out the worst of it, Luke regretted his decision not to install climate control facilities and had taken to holding classes outside.

By the afternoon however his eager students had dispersed to pursue private study or reflection, and as had become their habit Luke and Valara commenced more directed training.

She stood on one of the thick vines which grew and spread along the ground, separating the Temple from the dense jungle beyond. Her eyes were closed and her arms held slightly outwards for balance, breathing slow and even. Luke reached out through the Force to touch her mind gently, and she let him in without resistance. When he closed his own eyes he could see through hers - the dark world which every day was drawing closer.

But there was light as well - Valara had developed and deepened her senses to discern the world around her through the Living Force. The Temple in the distance shone brightly, the Force-sensitive souls within giving form and structure to the building. The maze of vines almost gave the appearance of power lines siphoning light from Temple back out to feed the jungle, which was alive with variances in the Force. He saw himself, shining on the periphery and blinked back into his own head.

Valara began to walk along the length of the vine, her steps nimble and sure. "Simple," she proclaimed, pausing slightly before walking backwards, slightly more cautiously. "In Inquisitor training they used to make us walk tightropes."

"Blindfolded?"

"No," Valara conceded with a smile. "But they were suspended ten metres in the air, so there were higher stakes."

"I see." While Luke was glad to know that she had become far more open with speaking of her past, the details still troubled him. It had been many months since she'd returned, and the nights they'd spent together sharing secrets had brought them closer than he'd ever thought possible. The more she shared of her past life, the more her fear of it receded, and in turn Luke shared with her his doubts and worries, finding her understanding and advice a cool relief from his former loneliness.

"So I can see well enough here," Valara spoke up, eyes still closed as she jumped up onto a higher vine with a graceful leap. "But what happens on a planet without life in abundance?"

"I'll have to take you to Tatooine one day to see," Luke said, recalling a conversation from many years earlier. "You asked me to once, do you remember?"

"I do." Valara balanced herself as she walked the length of the vine. "Although I also remember you saying you'd never go back there."

Luke slicked damp hair back from his forehead and chuckled lightly. "A dry heat isn't sounding too bad right about now."

"I suppose-" Valara lost her footing and fell back to the lower vine, recovering enough to grasp it with her hands and steady herself. Luke knew better than to intervene - she needed to learn to get by with assistance. Eye still tightly shut, Valara righted herself and sighed.

"More focus," she muttered to herself. "Right."

"Try it with the staff," Luke suggested, picking up the metal quarterstaff he'd cobbled together from scrap metal at Valara's request, and tossing it to her. She caught it with ease, spinning it around a few times and holding it in front of her in a defensive position before starting a kata. Her balance wobbled moving into the first position, but Valara slowed down and took a deep breath to centre herself before continuing with the exercise.

There was a rustling from the jungle behind them, and Luke turned to see a young Devaronian woman emerge from the trees, her white and brown hair braided down her back. It wasn't uncommon to find her in the trees, unnoticed and keeping an eye on things.

"Farnay," Luke greeted her with a smile. "How nice to see you."

"I was intrigued by your lesson, Luke," Farnay said, coming to stand beside him as Valara continued with her kata, feet moving through the various positions with care. "She fell, and yet you challenge her with more?"

"Sometimes when you fail at something simple," Luke told her, "you need to excel at something difficult." He rose his hand and through the Force called several small pebbles up into the air. Without warning, he directed one Valara's way, and he felt her flicker of surprise before she brought up her staff to deflect it. Luke shot the rest of them through the air, and Valara wobbled a bit but kept her balance, spinning her staff to block all but one, which hit her in the shoulder.

She exhaled harshly as she opened her eyes, holding the staff with one hand and using the other to rub the spot. "Nice shot," she said with a wry smile.

"But that was very impressive Valara," Farnay told her, always supportive of her fellow students.

"90% impressive, perhaps," Valara said wryly, spinning the staff absently between her hands.

"No, Farnay's right," Luke nodded. "You asked before how to sense non-living things. You seemed to do just fine with the rocks."

Valara stabbed the vine she was standing on lightly with the staff and leaned on it, and next to him Farnay winced slightly.

"Sorry," Valara said, seeing Farnay's distress and removing the staff.

"A chance to test your new skills," Luke encouraged her, putting his hand on Farnay's back as they approached the vine. Valara hopped down onto the ground as Luke took a seat on the vine next to the wound. When he placed his hand over it he felt the plant's pain, not the kind one would get from a sentient being, but injury all the same. Devaronians had been maintaining the ecological balance of the planet for generations, and through much study and time spent with Farnay's tribe, he determined it was based on a Force connection with their living world. What he had been trying to teach them was a more active role they could play in the planet's recovery following the Imperial occupation.

Farnay placed her small hands over the tear in the vine. "I feel it, Luke," she said softly, closing her eyes. "Just like you taught me."

"Good," he encouraged her. "Now you can heal it."

Luke left her to the task and turned back to Valara, who had planted her staff in the ground, her hands folded over the tip and her chin resting on them. Stepping closer, Luke examined her eyes and was heartened to see the translucent film that usually covering her pupils had cleared somewhat. After concentrated use of the Force or meditation he'd determined that her vision always improved, although the effects were temporary.

"So how did you sense the rocks?" he asked her.

The corner of her mouth quirked, and Valara brushed back a strand of hair which had come loose from its tie. "Why do you want me to answer questions you already know the answer to?"

"So I know _you_ know it."

Valara sighed theatrically, but her smile widened just a bit. "I felt every living thing around them," she said, leaning slightly forward on her staff. "So the gaps were apparent, and then I felt the shift in the wind. I could _hear_ them."

"Good." Luke was pleased, and turned back to see how Farnay was doing. Her eyes were scrunched shut, and she murmured softly in her native language. Then she stopped, letting out a musical sigh as she removed her hands from the vine. A thin scarline remained where the staff had pierced its flesh, but otherwise the damage was gone.

"I did it!" Farnay turned to Luke, a smile lighting up her face.

"Well done, Farnay," Valara congratulated the young woman, stepping forward to pat her lightly on the arm. "The ability to heal is a true gift," she added, almost longingly. "Don't ever take it for granted."

* * *

The docking bays of the Temple were rarely used, since few students or pilgrims owned their own ships. Most came on shuttles from Chandrila or Coruscant, which docked in the primary hanger every other week and Luke always met in person. Valara had even accompanied him a few times at his request, and obtained wry amusement from the enthusiastic gushing directed at Luke followed by bewildered looks directed to herself. But that couldn't have been the reason he'd asked her to follow him after lunch, since the last shuttle had been a few days earlier.

In fact he bypassed the corridor leading to the main hanger, instead taking her downstairs where smaller, private docking bays were located. A handful of them housed personal vehicles including Luke's own ship and speeder, but again he passed that entrance before thumbing the access pad of the hanger located next to it.

"What are you up to?" she asked as she walked past him into the bay, which was large enough to hold a small freighter and open at one side where the sky beckoned. However the hanger did not house a freighter, but a ship that was almost dwarfed by the space.

It was an X-Wing - or what was left of one. Old and charred from battle, it was much like the ships that littered the junkyards of Jakku. Valara blinked, drawing on the Force to pull her vision into better focus but that did not improve the sight of the vessel or its mangled fuselage, shattered cockpit or obliterated engine.

"It's for you," Luke said, taking her hand and tugging her close to the ship. "I thought you might like a project to work on."

"You think I should fix it?" Valara ran her hand along the bent wing and then turned to him in disbelief. "That will take years!"

"So?" Luke shrugged. "You're a great mechanic, and I have faith in you." He stepped closer, cupping her cheek in one hand. "And I know right now you're thinking what happens when your vision gets worse? Well then you can go by touch, and use the Force like I've taught you. It would be a great way to hone your focus."

He was right, and yet all the unspoken reasons were clear. He wanted her to have something to call her own, separate from the Temple and its inhabitants. An escape, if she needed it, work to lose herself in and a way to recover all that she had lost. Valara took a ragged breath, tears forming in her eyes.

"I don't know what to say."

Luke grinned. "A thank you will do. I promised you'd fly again one day, Valara," he said, thumb lightly brushing her cheek. "I keep my promises."

Valara leaned up and pressed her lips to his - softly and only for a moment. "Thank you," she breathed as she pulled away, seeing the responding affection in his eyes before turning back to inspect the ship. She ran her hand over the red Rebel starbird on the hull, memories flooding back of a battle above an Imperial base.

"This is my ship," she said quietly.

"Yours," Luke nodded, leaning lightly against the hull and crossing his arms. "Then mine - and now yours again."

Valara laughed, her mind trying to make sense of it. "I thought you destroyed her ramming into Vader's TIE?"

"I did," Luke nodded. "But I had her recovered from Vrogas Vas."

Valara examined the extensive damage - she should have been surprised that Luke had even lived through such a crash, but he was a survivor. They both were.

"You never did tell me the whole story," she said, leaning against the hull next to him.

"About Vrogas Vas?" Luke shrugged. "It's not a pleasant tale - I came this close to being trussed up and carted off the Vader. He knew who I was by that stage, and if he'd told me then...who knows what I would have done."

"Not given in," Valara assured him squeezing his arm slightly. "I'm sure of that."

"Maybe," Luke said, a little wistfully. "Maybe I could have saved him."

"There's no point thinking about all the ways your life could have gone," she told him, a trifle sharply. "It can't end well, trust me."

Luke nodded. "You're right, of course." Yet his thoughts were still clearly in the past, performing an examination of all the choices he'd made and trying to find alternate paths.

"So who was this wily hunter who captured the great Luke Skywalker?" She nudged him to regain his attention.

"I'm afraid to say it wasn't a great gambit," Luke chuckled. "Some archeologist by the name of Aphra, she painted her droid gold and I thought it was Threepio until the blasted thing electro-shocked me."

Valara pressed one hand against her mouth to stop a laughed escaping.

"Yeah, I know," Luke said with good humour. "Some instincts, huh?"

"Well, you've changed a lot since then," Valara rubbed his arm lightly.

"I hope so. I seemed to spend a lot of time in those days needing to be rescued," Luke said, ducking his head sheepishly. "Even by you once."

Valara smiled at the memory - it had been not long before the Battle of Endor, when Luke had started to get frustrated over his lack of progress with Han's rescue plans. A mission to Carriban had gone sour, and with the rest of his squad half a galaxy away Valara had hitched a transport to the planet and tracked him down in a smuggler's den.

"Well luckily you're quite safely ensconced here," she teased him. "And more than capable of rescuing yourself or anyone else should the need arise."

"Ah, but the need doesn't arise much these days, does it?" Luke looked up at the roof, a note of longing in his voice.

"You miss it, don't you?" Valara tucked her hand in the crook of his arm. "As much as you've changed, at heart you're still that reckless farmboy who will leap at the promise of adventure."

"I suppose so." Luke gently ran his fingers over her her knuckles. "I should give him up."

"No," Valara told him firmly, resting her head against his shoulder. "Never lose him."

* * *

It was past midnight as Luke lay in bed, staring at the empty door waiting for Valara to appear. It was strange that she had not, and after making his gift that afternoon he'd felt so close to her the absence felt odd.

Unless… Luke sighed, resting his head back against the pillow. Maybe the ship had been too much, too intimate. It seemed odd to describe a hunk of metal that way when they slept in the same bed every night, but they'd held back from becoming lovers again for precisely that reason. The X-Wing had been the reason they'd met, and on some level it represented a bond between them nothing could erase.

Luke threw aside the bedclothes and rose, traversing the dark and silent corridors of the Temple towards Valara's quarters. He knocked lightly on the door before entering, and found her still awake, reclining on a chaise by the bay window and gazing up at the stars. Her hair was unbound and she wore her nightclothes and a long silk robe, her feet poking out from underneath the hem. She did not turn to greet him, but he neither did he feel unwelcome.

Luke crossed the room and cautiously took a seat beside her, covering one cold foot with his hand. "Are you alright?" he asked, rubbing her skin lightly to warm her.

"I was thinking about flying," she said, her soft voice almost a whisper. "That was the one thing about the Inquisitors - we were spies and hunters, and while we were trained to fly as a necessity it was never more than that. It wasn't until I joined the Rebellion that I flew properly and discovered the freedom of it. It was like discovering a secret that had been kept from me, the only true joy I had because it wasn't tainted by what had come before."

Luke followed her gaze to the dark skies above, littered with a multitude of stars. He'd watched them as a boy from a different part of the galaxy, but their pull had never diminished.

"I suppose I never knew any different," he told her. "I was flying almost as soon as I could walk. I think Uncle Owen always regretted putting me in that sandskimmer, but the call was too strong."

Valara turned to him, the moonlight casting deep shadows over her pale face. "You don't get much of a chance to fly now."

"No," Luke conceded. Although he often took his own X-Wing out over the jungle when he had a spare afternoon, but it wasn't the same as soaring through the stars.

"I suppose the difference is that you can go back to it if you choose, and I can't." Valara touched the scars beside her eyes.

"You will," he assured her, squeezing her foot lightly. "You have to believe that."

"I'm beginning to," she nodded, a small smile appearing. "I believe a lot of things now I never thought possible before."

Luke felt his heart leap into his throat, but quashed the feeling and desire as he had done so many times before. The truth was, as close as they were now, he still wasn't sure where it could lead, or if he even wanted it to.

"Tell me a secret," she asked, as if to break the sudden tension. "Something you've never told anyone before."

Luke pondered for a moment, for he had few secrets he had not shared with her already. But there was one, he realised, that he'd never dared speak aloud. One he thought traitorous even to his own mind.

"Sometimes I'm not sure whether I want to be a Jedi," he said softly, casting his eyes down so not to see her surprise. "I made the choice without even knowing really what it was. I just wanted to be like my father, a man he would have been proud of. I started walking the path without looking ahead and now I can't leave it."

"You can," she said softly. "The only duty anyone has is to themselves."

"That's not how I was raised," he lifted his gaze to hers again. "It's not how you were raised either."

"No," she said almost hesitantly. "But there's a difference between loyalty and blind devotion."

"True," Luke said, considering. Idly, his fingers slipped under the hem of her robe to draw random patterns on her ankle. "I followed Obi-Wan willingly with just a scrap of information and opportunity. Fight the Empire, save a princess, and become a hero - how could I resist?"

"You make it sound so trite," Valara said, her mouth quirking into a smile.

"Isn't it?" Luke asked. "I thought there was such glory in being a Jedi, to be able to harness and master this incredible power. It wasn't until Yoda knocked some sense into me that I learned some humility."

"That's not true though," Valara shifted slightly closer, causing his hand to skim up her calf. "When we first met I thought you'd be this glory-hound, but you weren't. You were kind, and humble...and you didn't back down when I tried to push you away." Her smile widened, and he was reminded of their first meeting years ago, when he'd sat on her sickbed and her smile had made his stomach flip-flop. Of course, he hadn't had his hand on her leg then, the skin smooth underneath his fingertips.

"Still, being a Jedi isn't exactly what I thought it would be," Luke to distract himself, although he did not remove his hand. "It's so much more, in many ways, but…"

"A part of you misses being a pilot." Valara nodded in understanding. "Is that what you would do, if you weren't a Jedi?"

"Probably," Luke admitted, his thoughts straying to his X-Wing, the thrill of battle, the utter confidence he always had in the cockpit. He couldn't claim the same of being a Jedi, since while he was sure of his own mind and abilities, now he was responsible for many others. The burden had fallen to him to rebuild the Jedi Order, and he could not shirk from it.

"But there are many other pilots in the galaxy," Valara voiced his thoughts. "And only one Jedi." She shifted closer again, and gently cupped his face in one hand. "But there won't always be, Luke," she told him her eyes clear and her voice firm. "The burden will not always fall to you."

"I do feel burdened," Luke admitted, her touch on his face light and comforting. "Weighed down by all that I do not know. The Jedi thrived for a thousand years before they fell. Am I so arrogant to believe I can surpass them?"

"It's not arrogance to learn from the mistakes of those who came before you." Her touch drifted lightly up his cheek to stroke the hair at his temple. "You've already proved yourself beyond the wisdom of your old masters when you refused to follow through on their plans to kill Vader."

He looked at her with some surprise, and she laughed. "I listen when you talk, you know. Even if it doesn't always seem like it."

"That's not it." Luke squeezed her thigh gently. "I'm just surprised to hear you speak of Vader."

Valara sobered, her hand dropping back to her lap as she cast her eyes downward. "Vader was in charge of the Inquisitorius, and so I will never forgive him for the part the played in my upbringing. He was a looming spectre, a threat should we ever do anything which required punishment beyond even the Grand Inquisitor's wrath. That fear is still there." She looked up at him again and blinked a few times before holding his gaze.

"But I understand your love for him," she added. "That compassion is more important than a thousand rules and codes and lightsaber techniques. So I know that the future of the Jedi is safe in your hands."

He was touched by her words and obvious sincerity, especially given her own complicated relationship with the Force. And yet other, deeper feelings arose as he gazed at her. He allowed himself a moment to examine the way her hair spilled over her shoulders, and with his free hand reached out to run his fingers through the ends. It was like silk, like her robe, which during their conversation had slipped open to reveal a thin summer nightgown. The skin of her neck was exposed; he could see the quickened pulse beating in her neck, and below…

Luke lifted his eyes swiftly back to her face, feeling warmth blossom in his cheeks. Valara smiled, having likely felt exactly where his thoughts had drifted, and he swallowed heavily.

"Your turn," he prompted, backing away from the edge although he could not quite bring himself to remove his hand from her leg. "Tell me one of your secrets - I know there's quite a few to choose from."

She poked him softly in the belly. "Not as many as there were a year ago."

He couldn't deny that, their nightly conversations yielding a wealth of knowledge "Well I hope it's a good one," he teased.

"It is," Valara nodded, her smile fading into something more serious. "A secret I've kept even from myself." Her voice quavered, and she took his hand where it had tangled in her hair, holding it in her lap and squeezing lightly.

"So what is it?"

She bit her lip, before looking up and into his eyes. "I love you."

Luke couldn't have been more surprised if she'd told him she was running away to join a dance troupe. He'd known, deep down of course, but he'd never expected her to say it, at least not without prompting. It was the simplicity of her statement that shocked him the most - without caveats or conditions.

Before he could give the matter any further thought, Valara shifted forward and pressed her lips to his. He responded automatically, warmth spreading down from his cheeks and along his nerve endings. The kiss she'd given him by the ship had been chaste, not unlike the few they'd shared since her return as expressions of affection. They'd never led anywhere, but the intent behind this kiss was unmistakable.

Luke found himself drawn in, his hand on her leg skimming higher as his other returned to her hair, cupping her neck as she pulled him down with her onto the chaise. He sighed into her mouth and shifted his weight so not to crush her, but Valara grasped at his back, pressing the length of her body against his as she kissed him fiercely. It was like renewed fire in smoking embers and Luke gave himself over to it, the touch and taste of her so familiar and intoxicating he wondered how it he had managed to keep himself from her for so long.

He kissed a trail down her throat he had examined earlier, eliciting a gasp as his hand crept further up her thigh.  Valara's hands massaged his back and neck before winding through his hair, her chest heaving as he kissed the tops of her breasts.  She writhed beneath him, her hips shifting as she hooked her legs around his waist, drawing him in even closer.  Luke moaned against her skin, grasping her rear and pressing his hips into hers.  He was painfully hard and the feel of her warmth against him drove him into a frenzy, grinding against her and moving his lips downward to suck on her nipple through the silk of her nightgown.

Valara cried out and tugged on his hair, drawing him up to kiss her again.  It was long and deep, swallowing each other's breath as Luke ground himself against her, their passion quickly building.  Her hands skimmed down his back, pulling up the rim of his tunic to caress his skin.  Her soft touch was so familiar, and Luke squeezed her rear in response as he bucked against her.

She moaned his name and threw her head back, Luke taking the opportunity to kiss her neck again.  Valara's hands continued their journey, her fingertips trailing around his sides and brushing against his stomach before drifting lower.  Luke shifted against her as she unbuttoned his pants, reaching inside to stroke him firmly.

It was the point of no return, and reason asserted itself with sudden clarity.  Luke tore himself away from her and pulled back, stumbling a few paces away before righting himself.  He buttoned himself back up and closed his eyes, drawing on the Force for calm.  

Valara sat up, leaning back on her hands with a bewildered expression. She was breathing heavily, robe rumpled and fallen off one shoulder, her hair tousled and lips plumped. Luke ran his hands through his hair and forced himself to look away.

"We can't do this, V, it's not right."

"What?" she asked,and when Luke turned back to her she looked even more confused. "Why not?"

"Because...we've made this mistake before," Luke tried to explain, gesturing to the space between them.

Valara recoiled. " _Mistake_?"

"I didn't mean it like that," Luke tried to defend himself. "I mean rushing into something physical - I know you've thought the same."

"It's been months," she said, an edge to her voice. "Where did you think this was leading?"

"I…" Luke scrambled for the answer. "I don't know."

Valara drew her robe around herself and scowled at him. "I told you why I came back. I was honest."

"I know," Luke responded, exasperated and unsure of how to articulate himself. "But I remember what happened the last time you left. And I know why you did it," he added quickly. "I _understand_." All of those harsh memories came flooding back, the anger, the worry, the loneliness and heartbreak. "But it still hurt."

He'd never told her that - never really admitted it to himself either. On Rakata Prime, when she'd been prepared to end her own life in order to take out the Imperial Base, he'd told her that losing her would shatter him, but her leaving had been almost as painful.

"I'm sorry for that," Valara said, but her expression was guarded. "But I can't change it."

"Then accept that I need more time," Luke insisted, not exactly moved by her apology. "Let's face it, Valara, you've set the pace of our entire relationship, the least you can do is cede some control."

Valara's mouth twisted in distaste. "That's what this is about?" she all but spat. "Pride? You want to be in _control_?"

"No," Luke responded with exasperation. "It's about you running when you get scared, packing up and leaving with some nonsense excuse, when the truth is things just got too hard. How can I trust that you won't do the same thing again?"

He chanced a look back at her. Valara's face was impassive, all desire and emotion stripped clear as her cloudy eyes bored into him.

"I guess you can't." Her words were inscrutable, impossible to tell it it was an admission or judgement.

Luke ran a hand over his mouth in frustration, holding her gaze until he could no longer. Then he straightened his clothes and left the room, making the long walk back to his bed alone.


	23. Chapter 23

**11 ABY, Coronet City, Corellia**

Luke didn't get to visit his sister and her family as often as he would like, but when Han contacted him with the news he was entering a swoop-race on Corellia he couldn't pass up the opportunity to see it. Even though his relationship with Valara had become strained, her expression when he'd mentioned the trip had left him with no option but to invite her along - his self-control wasn't infinite. They'd spoken little on the journey and once they'd landed she went out to explore the city while Luke headed towards the hotel to meet Leia.

His sister embraced him warmly. "I hope the accommodations are alright," she said as she pulled away. "It's the Fifth Circuit so the city is bursting at the seams."

Luke laughed and headed towards the bedroom. "It's a palace compared to the Temple," he said, but stopped short once he'd crossed the threshold. His good mood dissipated as he dropped his bag on the floor and turned on one heel.

"Leia," Luke said warningly as he stalked back out into the sitting room and glared at his sister. "There's only one bed."

Leia smiled sweetly at him. "I didn't think that would be problem," she said, cocking her head to one side coyly. "Considering you and Valara share one at the Temple."

"How...how did you know that?"

Leia laughed and approached, grasping his forearms and peering up into his face. "You aren't as sneaky as you think you are."

Luke groaned, wondering who at the Temple had given him away - or perhaps Leia just knew him too well.

"Well your information is out of date," he grimaced, and in an instant Leia's smug smile dissolved into concern.

"I thought things were going well between you?" she queried, a deep crease in her forehead.

"They were." Luke shucked out of her grasp and turned away, rubbing his face tiredly. "She told me she loved me."

Leia let out a tiny squeal, which she immediately covered with a cough, and Luke turned back to face her. She cleared her throat but couldn't hide her smile.

"So why am I not planning a wedding?" she teased. "Wait, let me guess," she held up a hand before he could answer. "You've come up with some nonsense reason why it's too soon, or you have too many responsibilities, or something else equally ridiculous. Honestly Luke, sometimes I wonder if you even _want_ to be happy."

"That's unfair, Leia," Luke said, a little stung by her bluntness. "You don't know anything about it."

"Tell me then," Leia pressed, stepping forward again with her concern returning. But Luke felt warmth in his cheeks - he could share almost anything with his sister, but the intimate details of his relationship with Valara was not one of them.

"Luke." Leia took his hand led him to sit on the couch. "I see these great burdens you've taken upon yourself, and I understand why - it's our way. But having Han and now Ben - it's given me such joy, a respite from all the worry of my responsibilities, and a reminder of what I've fought so hard for. All I want is for you to have the same - and I'm not saying it needs to be a wife or a family, but you need s _omething_ other than ghosts."

"I'm not alone," Luke reminded her somewhat feebly. "I have my students, and the others at the Temple."

"But how many of them truly _know_ you, Luke?" Leia pressed. "You are a Master to them, not a man."

Luke looked down at their joined hands and couldn't deny her words. "I do want a family of my own," he said softly, the first time he'd spoken such a wish out loud. "I've resigned myself to the possibility that I would never have with someone what you share with Han. But in my heart...that's what I want more than anything."

"Then tell me what happened, Luke." Leia squeezed his hand. "Not the details if you don't want to, but enough so maybe I can help."

* * *

After Leia left Luke remained on the couch for some time in contemplation. His sister had listened intently to his problems but had not given him much more than comfort - her earlier rebukes and teasing replaced by genuine support. He was sure she was devoting all of her efforts towards solving the problem and would probably have a ten step plan waiting for him the following day.

Luke sighed and put his head in his hands - he was certain that a solution would not be found through will alone, but knew once Leia set her mind to something it was impossible to deter her. The doubt was in his own heart, and he alone had to overcome it.

"Why so glum, Skywalker?" Valara's crisp voice cut into his thoughts, and Luke lifted his head to see her standing before him with one hand on her hip. Her cheeks were flushed from the outside sun, her hair mussed by the wind and a pleasant smile on her face a galaxy away from the scowl she'd worn the past few weeks at the Temple.

Luke said nothing and followed her as she strode off into the bedroom, ready to explain the reason for the lack of suitable sleeping arrangements. However Valara seemed unconcerned with the room, slinging her bag to the floor and sitting down on the bed, bouncing gently to test the softness.

"I'll find a room somewhere else," Luke told her.

"Why bother?" Valara asked, shrugging her shoulders.

"Then I'll sleep on the floor."

Valara laughed. "Why so modest all of a sudden? I promise not to try and seduce you." Her words were all levity, but then her smile faded as she realised he wasn't joking.

"I just think it would be...safer," he said feebly.

"Safer from what?" Valara pressed, shrugging off her jacket and tossing it onto the floor. "Me?" She stood and approached him, her look sultry. The cool air of the room pimpled the bare skin on her arms, and Luke felt his eyes drawn the pulsebeat in her neck and the swell of her breast. Clearing his throat, Luke forced his gaze back up to her face, her expression turned smug.

"Maybe," Luke said, slightly annoyed at the ease with which she'd drawn him in.

"What are you so scared of?" Valara pressed, leaning closer to him, so that they shared each other's breath. She ran one hand down his arm, and Luke felt a shiver run up his spine. "I don't think it's me at all."

He held her gaze defiantly, and after a few moments she looked down, her hand dropping back as her sultry air dissipated as quickly as it had come. "When I told you I loved you," she said eventually, her gaze on the floor. "It wasn't some ploy to get you into bed."

Luke sighed. "I know that."

"Do you?" she challenged him, anger in her eyes when she looked back up. "Be honest, Luke."

"Alright, fine," Luke stepped back and waved his hand. "Can you really blame me for being cautious when every step forward we've taken over the years has sent you running for the hills?"

"What do you want me to do?" Valara stepped into his personal space again, a scowl back on her face. "Prostrate myself at your feet? Bind my wrist to yours so I can never leave your side?"

Luke's temper flared. "An apology might be a good start."

"Oh, I am sorry," Valara said, her voice brittle. "Sorry because I came back and I told you exactly why. Sorry you let me crawl into your bed and held me and made me believe that this time things would be different." She breathed in sharply and her lip trembled, cracks forming around her stern facade. "Sorry that you're scared of what you want."

She swept past him and out of the room before Luke could even think about a response.

* * *

Solo had acquired them a private box above the raceway, and Valara had to admit it was fine indeed - a selection of food and wine and excellent views. Swoop-racing wasn't Valara's first choice for entertainment, but it was pleasant enough and she watched the vehicles whip past the viewscreen with a fair degree of appreciation. Or rather, she pretended to while avoiding Leia's rather probing gaze.

In truth her eyesight was getting steadily worse, and the blur of motion too much for her to focus correctly. Her peripheral vision was all but gone, which for once was a blessing since she couldn't see Leia's scrutiny from the corner of her eye.

Luke and Chewie had taken young Ben down trackside to get the "real experience" and given their recent argument Valara hadn't wanted to intrude. She and Leia had made pleasant chit-chat for a while, both avoiding the last conversation they'd had years before when Leia had asked her to take the peace treaty to Rakata Prime. Of course Luke would have told her what Valara had intended to do, and she'd been half expecting a severe rebuke from the Senator for almost plunging the galaxy back into war. But it seemed in the intervening years Leia must have forgiven her, or at least pretended to for the sake of niceties.

"How is Ben doing at school?" Valara asked, counting on a proud mother being unable to resist the temptation to discuss her child at length.

"He's doing very well," Leia smiled. "But don't think you can distract me with my son. Any other time, perhaps, but I've set myself a mission today."

"Oh?" Valara didn't like the sound of that.

"Yes," Leia nodded. "And as you well know I always complete my missions, so you might as well give up now."

Valara was almost amused. "Ah, but as _you_ well know, I don't surrender easily."

"A battle of wills would be amusing," Leia smiled in return. "I could use a decent opponent rather than those half-wits in the Senate. But this concerns my brother, and when it comes to his welfare I will not be diverted."

"Ah." Valara grimaced. "What did he tell you?"

"Enough for me to believe that the problems between you cannot be unsurmountable." Leia took a casual sip of her red wine. "I mean you are both adults in your thirties, surely you are beyond this schoolyard nonsense."

Valara took a melonball and popped it in her mouth, chewing carefully and swallowing. "My teenage years were hardly filled with romantic fancies," she said idly. "So I suppose I am ill-equipped to deal with such things now." She'd never truly loved anyone before, and was unsure how to express it properly. She'd tried words, and then to show him physically but he had rejected her.

"I admit even after I talked to Luke I am still unsure what the problem actually is."

"Well that makes two of us," Valara sighed. "He doesn't trust me, I guess. I've hurt him too deeply too many times."

"But he loves you," Leia insisted.

Valara felt the beat of her heart quicken slightly. "Did he say that?"

"No, but it's obvious," Leia shrugged. "Why else would he invite you here?"

"I think he felt sorry for me," Valara said, looking down at her hands. "I was going bit stir-crazy at that damned Temple."

"No, it's more than that," Leia shook her head. "He didn't want to be without you."

Valara huffed, downing her wine and plopping the empty glass back on the table. "He can be with me any time he wants. I told him how I feel, I laid everything out there."

"Are you sure?" Leia's shrewd gaze studied her again. "Maybe he senses you're still holding back."

Valara pondered Leia's words, gazing out the viewscreen to the racing below. She'd told him about the darkest events in her life, the events she was sure would drive him away and yet he'd met her with compassion and understanding. And yet…

"I never told him why I defected from the Empire," Valara said softly, her throat constricting.

"Why not?" Leia asked, her voice inviting confidences. Luke had always said Leia was persuasive, a manifestation of her Force abilities, and Valara couldn't deny it, feeling compelled to trust Leia despite herself.

"The same reason I never told anyone," Valara said, forcing herself to look up. "Because it was cowardice, not bravery."

Leia looked intrigued, glancing over her shoulder as if to make sure the door behind them remained closed before leaning in closer.

"I don't know how much Luke told you, about the Grand Inquisitor," Valara began, nervously wringing her hands in her lap to even mention his name.

"A little," Leia nodded. "He told me he was cruel, and exerted a great deal of power over you."

"I know I'm responsible for the things I did, but he's the one who helped make the person who did them." Valara tasted the bitterness on her tongue, and Leia placed a hand over hers in comfort.

"In truth my faith in the Empire was starting to waver for some time before I left," she continued, those terrible days flooding back to her. "My Inquisitor sisters and I were sent on a mission to track down a family harbouring Force-sensitive children. And killing them made my sisters so happy - not justified that we'd done something regrettably necessary - no, they'd _enjoyed_ it."

Leia blinked very hard, no doubt wondering how close she and her family had come to being another problem disposed of by the Empire's minions. "But you didn't?"

Valara shook her head - the only consolation of her wicked deeds was that she'd never found pleasure in it. It had been her duty, payment in service for the years she'd been a resource drain in the orphanage.

"I looked at one of the boys," she continued. "And he reminded me of...a friend I'd once had. In that moment I realised that there was no difference between me and the boy who'd died, except his purpose had been to die for the Empire, and mine to kill for her. Like the Grand Inquisitor used to say: _your life belongs to me, and I will do with it what I will_."

"But you broke free," Leia insisted, squeezing her hand lightly.

"Only after he was dead." Valara felt tears burn behind her eyes - ever since the Death Star plans, they had been painful. "I couldn't bring myself to cleave from his orders until released by his death. So you see?" A tear burned its way down her cheek. "It wasn't some great defection fueled by a realisation of right and wrong. I was running away, and I've been doing that ever since."

The look Leia have her was so full of sympathy Valara couldn't stand it. She harshly swiped the tear her face and forced equilibrium to return. "I don't know why I told you that," she said, forcing lightness into her voice. "It's got nothing to do with me and Luke."

"No, it does," Leia insisted. "You stopped running and expected Luke to catch you, but you left him too far behind. There's a distance between you still but he needs to be the one to breach it. Once he knows you're not going to set off again the moment he catches up, he will trust you again."

"One more belaboured analogy," Valara teased, her good mood returning. "And you're going to start sounding like a Jedi."

"Oh dear," Leia laughed. "In that case we need to talk about something else!"

* * *

"Wedge!" Luke greeted his friend at the bar, taking a seat on the stool beside him. "I didn't know you'd be here."

"I love a good swoop-race," Wedge told him as the bartender poured them both a glass of whiskey. "And I couldn't pass up the possibility of seeing Han make a fool of himself."

"You were disappointed then," Luke smiled, since Han had come in third - almost unheard of for a first time participant.

Wedge laughed and took a generous swig of his ale. "I saw a good race, and am in a bar which serves 500 year old Whyren's - it's impossible for me to be disappointed."

Luke patted his back in sympathy. "Life as a General that bad, huh?"

"Nah," Wedge waved his hand. "It's just peacetime, you know. Lots of patrolling and drills, not much action."

"Better than the alternative, though," Luke said, trying to squash his own longing to be back in the cockpit where things made much more sense.

"What's with all the long faces?" A familiar drawl drew their attention, and Han sauntered over with a lopsided grin. "Not on my day of triumph, I won't allow it."

"Congratulations, Han." Luke's face split into a wide grin. "That was some damn good flying."

"Yeah, here's to you Han," Wedge raised his glass in salute. "But it's not much of a party with just the three of us."

"Chewie said he'd look after Ben tonight," Han explained as he slipped onto a stool beside Luke. "Leia's off schmoozing with some Corellian Duke, and Valara gave me a rather begrudged congratulations before heading back to the hotel."

Wedge laughed. "Not like her to pass up an open bar."

"You have that in common, then," Luke needled him, but his thoughts were on Valara. She must be avoiding him - or perhaps just giving him the space and time he'd asked for.

"So what's going on with you two?" Wedge asked as he nodded to the bartender to leave the bottle and poured them all refills.

"What do you mean?" Luke suddenly found the etching on his glass extremely interesting.

"I mean we've all been watching this dance for years," Wedge said. "But you seem to be hanging out for last call."

"Not to mention things between you two were pretty frosty earlier," Han chimed in, and Luke send him a glare of betrayal.

"I'm not sure it's anyone's business but mine and Valara's."

"Pfft." Han waved his hand is dismissal. "Please, you left her alone with Leia while the race was on, there's no way my wife hasn't already meddled in this real good."

"I just…" Luke realised avoiding it was hopeless. "This is _it_. I need to be sure."

"What do you need to be sure of?" Han questioned him. "You love her, don't you?"

"Yes." Luke nodded resolutely.

"And you know she loves you?"

"She says she does."

Han shrugged and took a sip of whiskey. "Well I fail to see the problem."

Luke had to admit it sounded simple, when said like that. But that underlying fear was still there, that she would run when things got tough. He had so many more responsibilities now, to his students, the the Temple, and while having someone to share those joys with was his greatest wish, Valara was a flight risk in more ways than one.

"Look, Luke," Wedge put down his glass and turned on his stool to face him fully. "I don't claim to be an expert when it comes to relationships, and you know I've never been Valara's biggest fan. But I still remember that first night on Yavin - you were so taken with her, and even when I tried to warn you away, you basically told me to kriff off."

Luke smiled at the memory. "What's your point?"

"You were so certain then, but now you're all doubts."

Luke paused to take a sip of his whiskey. "I'm not so reckless anymore."

"I don't believe that," Wedge scoffed. "Let me put it this way, it's been over ten years since that night. If you're still looking for something in her and haven't found it, I don't think you're ever going to."

Luke looked down at his drink, mulling the question over. What exactly _was_ he looking for? Trust? She'd been there to watch his back more times than he could count. Honesty? She was right, she'd told him exactly why she came back, for him. Her secrets had been shared with him openly, without reserve as they lay together in the darkness, closer than ever. Love? He supposed it came down to whether he believed her words, and remembering the way she'd looked at him in the moonlight he was certain of her sincerity. They were words she'd never dared speak before, because they left her vulnerable to exactly the kind of rejection he'd given her. So what was left - just his fear that she would leave? All things being equal, it seemed rather a step backwards, to let fear control him and prevent even a glimmer of happiness.

"And if I have found it?" Luke asked, looking up from his glass to see Wedge give him a half-smile.

"If you have, why are you wasting your time talking to me?"

Luke turned to Han, who gave a shrug. "You know what I think, kid."

Nodding, Luke downed his drink and stood. "Well then, if you'll excuse me." He forced himself to walk slowly back up to their room even if inside he was screaming. He took the stairs instead of the lift, giving himself the time to change his mind. But with every sure step he was only further convinced, and by the time he entered the room there were no remaining doubts.

"V?" Luke called but received no answer. He strode to the bedroom and found that empty as well, although heard the rushing water of the shower from the en suite. Luke entered quietly, the room filled with steam although he could see the outline of Valara's body through the glass partition. She was singing lightly, her voice melodious if a few notes were flat, and although the song was in Basic it was difficult to make out the words.

Luke quickly discarded his clothing, crept towards her and waited for her to notice his presence. It was clear enough when she stopped singing, and for a moment she stayed facing away from him, her shoulders tense as the steam of water pounded against her back. But eventually she turned, and all of her previous anger was gone.

He pressed his lips to hers before she could speak, the kiss deep and full of all his longing. The hot water cascaded over his head but Luke didn't care, too intent on the feel of her lips, the taste of her tongue. She looked at him quizzically when they parted, but Luke pressed a finger to her lips and shook his head. Later, there would be plenty of time to talk but for now he was desperate for her, and leaned in to kiss her again.

His hands ran over her body, her skin wet and smooth and familiar under his touch as he traced the ripple of her spine and the roundness of her hips, lightly squeezing her behind and making her laugh.  

“You sure you remember your way around?” she teased him, slicking back his wet hair and drawing his face in for a kiss.  

“Let’s see,” Luke murmured against her lips, pushing back against the shower wall, grasping her wrists and pinning them back against the tile to box her in.  Valara smiled and bit her lip, pressing her head back as he kissed her neck, letting out a pitched gasp as he nibbled on the tender skin.  

“Stay there,” he told her, squeezing her wrists slightly as his hands ran down her arms to cup her breasts, nipples hardening under his touch.  She obediently kept her hands against the wall, but as Luke glanced up her saw her fists clench as her teeth sank deeper into her lower lip.  That never failed to ignite a deep fire within him, and he squeezed her breasts briefly before replacing his hands with his mouth, dancing kisses on her collarbone and chest before taking one pet nipple into his mouth and grazing it with his teeth.

“Luke,” she sighed, her fists clenching as she arched her back.  “Oh…”

Luke smiled against her skin, his hands skirting down her sides as he switched to her other nipple, sucking on it hard as he kneaded her rear before tracing familiar pathways between her thighs.  He knew her body well, the years apart fading away as he reaquainted himself with her, fingers sliding through her folds to find her clit, tracing circles around the nub to make her keen against him, before dipping lower to trace her entrance.

He kissed his way back up to her mouth, stopping just before his lips met hers so he could see the pleasure dance across her face.  Her breathing was shallow but she held his gaze, her eyes dark with desire, wet hair plastered against her skin and cheeks flushed.  

With purpose, Luke thrust two fingers inside of her, making Valara gasp and press her head back against the shower wall. But she kept her eyes on him, watching through lowered lashes and pressed herself into his hand and he stroked her inner walls and twisted his fingers inside of her.    

“Any more quips?” he asked, his leg slipping between hers to widen her stance and pressing his hardness against her hip.  

“No,” she said with an answering grin.  “I concede…” her hand trailed down his chest and stomach before firmly grasping his hard flesh “...that you know my body as well as I do yours.”

Luke sucked in a lungful of breath as she stroked him, quivering in her hand as the hot water pounded against his back.  He was so hard he felt release not far away, but then she’d always known just how to touch him to drive him to the brink.  

“Time for that later,” he growled, taking her hands and pinning them back against the wall again.  “I want to be inside you.”

“Good idea,” she whispered, her leg shifting to slide against his.  “You’ve kept me waiting long enough.”

“Kept _you_ waiting?” He kissed her hard, pressing her back against the wall.  “You’ve made me wait for years.”  He tweaked her nipples, making her gasp before trailing his hands over her sides and hips, spreading her legs and grasping her behind to lift her up. She went easily, legs winding around his hips as he braced her against the wall, arms winding around his neck to draw him close.  

“I know,” she gasped.  “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Luke smiled, not wanting to be distracted this time.  He held her against the wall, his eyes locked on hers and he entered her with one firm stroke.  It was everything he remembered and more, her tight heat encasing him as if they had been made to fit together.  

“This is a good start,” he murmured against her lips as she kissed her, and Valara pulled him closer still, her tongue sliding against his in a way that sent a shot of fire directly to his groin.  Luke began to move against her, his thrusts even and deep as her pitched cries filled his ears and felt his desire building even higher.  

His hands tightened on her rear as she lifted her legs slightly, allowing him to sink even deeper and he pounded her against the wall.  Valara called out his name, begging for him to go harder, faster and Luke was happy to comply even though the muscles in his legs twitched and he had to strain to keep from slipping on the wet tile.  But any pain was far outstripped by the feel of being inside her, her body sliding against his with every thrust, her voice in his ear asking for more.  

Valara grasped for his face, drawing his attention back to her as she reached out to him through the Force.  For the first time, he saw the full depth of love in her eyes, that she had long hidden and then he had been reluctant to notice.  He felt her, in the back of his mind, and there were no more barriers between them, Luke reaching back out to her, their senses mingling in a pure burst of light.  She gasped, her inner walls clamping around him as she shook with intense release and Luke followed her over the brink, his entire body shaking as he pressed his face into her neck and came hard inside of her.

It felt so right to have hold her in the aftermath, to feel her skin pressed against his and her hands gently caressing his back.  Eventually she unwound her legs from his hips and Luke let her back down, but they continued to hold each other as the water cascaded over them. 

“What made you change your mind?” she asked softly, her cheek resting against his shoulder.  

“I didn’t,” Luke answered, smiling against her hair.  “I made up my mind a long time ago.”

* * *

They spent much of the night in each other's arms, talking as they had once done in Luke's rooms at the Temple, but this time there were no more barriers between them. Valara recounted to him the tale of her defection, and in turn he'd been honest about his fears which had kept them apart.

"I _am_ sorry," she told him, tracing his features lightly. "For running when I should have held firm." Her fingers trailed down over his chin and neck to rest over his heart. "But I always took a bit of you with me."

Luke smiled and took her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm. "I know."

"I want to show you something." She pulled away for a moment, and Luke watched appreciatively as she went to her travelling case and rifled through it, grasping something in her hand. Climbing back into bed, Valara held out a closed fist to him and Luke covered it with both of his hands and gently uncurled her fingers. Something small and smooth dropped into his palm.

It was a jade-green stone, and for a few moments Luke stared at it. Slowly, he traced the smooth ridges and dips, well worn through constant attention. He flipped the stone over to the other side where a symbol was still deeply etched into fibres of the rock.

"I've always wondered," Valara reached forward and traced the carved symbol with one finger. "What does it mean?"

"You never tried to find out?" Luke looked up from the stone into eyes that were almost the exact same colour.

"At first I didn't want to know," Valara admitted. "And then after the war, I thought that one day I'd ask you, if I could ever be brave enough."

"It's an ancient language, from back on Tatooine," Luke said softly. "It means home."

"Home," Valara repeated, a small smile appearing on her face. "I've never really had one."

"I know," Luke nodded, taking her hand and placing the stone back into her palm and closing her fingers around it. "Neither did I, when gave this to you. I thought maybe it would help you find one."

Valara's smile widened, and she gave him an arch look, no doubt remembering that when he'd made the gift they'd only met twice. But then her grip tightened around the stone, and she held it to her chest.

"Did you know then that it would be with you?"

Luke chuckled lightly. "I wasn't that ambitious. But I knew I liked you - I knew we had that loneliness in common."

"Not anymore." Valara reached out to cup his face with her free hand. "I told you once that I didn't know much about being happy, and that's because at the time I didn't think it was possible, at least for me."

"And now?" Luke asked, keening into her hand as her thumb lightly stroked his cheek.

"Now I know a bit more," she said, smiling again. "I don't know what will happen in the future, Luke. I can't promise that I'll never hurt you, but what I do know is that I'll never do it again willingly - I'll never run when things get tough, I promise I'll stay and fight."

“So will I,” he assured her, leaning in to kiss her.  His lips slid over hers and he pressed her gently back into the bed, wanting her again.  Valara’s hands ran down his arms, making him shiver and harden almost instantly.  Her breasts were a too tantalising to resist, and he gently traced one nipple with his thumb, making it harden under his touch.  

“You have no idea how much I missed this,” he told her softly, sweeping his thumb over her peak again and making Valara bite her lip.  “All those night laying beside you at the Temple, wanting to reach out and touch you.”

“I know,” she answered with a wry smile, shifting her leg under him so it brushed against his erection.  “Sometimes I would wake up with you pressing against me.”  Her hand drifted down to grasp him, and Luke groaned as her light fingers met his hard flesh.  “And I would long to do this,” she whispered, running her thumb over the head and down the shaft.  “And this.”  She shifted down the bed, taking him into her mouth as Luke grasped her hair, thrusting instinctively as a shot of pleasure ran down his spine.  

He’d forgotten how good it felt; her teasing lips and tongue, the warm recess of her mouth encasing him.  Valara reached up her hand, pressing her palm flat against his chest pushing him backwards.  Luke went willingly, reclining back against the mattress as Valara followed, bracing herself against his thighs as she began to suck him off in earnest, her dark hair spilling over his hips.  A jolt went through him as she ran her tongue around the base of his shaft, and Luke bucked into her mouth, letting out a deep moan.

“V,” Luke said her name hoarsely, touching her cheek to bring her attention back up to him, wanting to make their reunion last longer.  She released him and kissed her way back up his chest, her smile smug as she reached his lips.

“Good to know I’m not too out of practice,” she said, bracing herself above him with one hand.       

“You didn’t…” Luke looked up at her, curious.  “While we were apart?”

“No,” she shook her head.  “I was trying to break bad habits, and that would have been...counterproductive.  Did you?”

Luke grimaced but did not avoid her gaze.  “There were a few...nothing serious.”  He’d been hurting after she’d left, of course, and it had been only natural he’d tried to find happiness again but in the end no one had seemed right.  “Does that upset you?” he asked, reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind one ear.

“No.”  She gave him a small smile.  “No, I’m glad.”  

Luke chuckled softly, his hand tracing over her breasts again before travelling down to her hips and urging her to lift upwards onto her knees.  

“It’s been years,” he pointed out, fingers dipping between her thighs again to rub her sensitive places.  “That’s a long time to go without.”

“Well,” Valara arched her back and undulated her hips in rhythm with his questing fingers.  “Sometimes a woman needs to take matters into her own hands.”

“I see,” Luke laughed as he increased the pressure on her nub and pressed two fingers inside of her.  “I trust my hands are more enjoyable?”

“Yes,” Valara breathed, her eyes fluttering closed as he rubbed her intently.  “Much.”  She bucked into him, and his eyes were drawn to her breasts, rising slightly with every panting breath, and then down to where his fingers disappeared inside of her, thrusting deeper and driving her closer to release.  Luke could hear the change in her breathing, see the movement of her hips become erratic as she careened towards the edge.  When her inner walls began to contract around his fingers he pulled away.

Her eyes snapped back open and she glared at him, making Luke grin up at her, sucking on his fingers to taste her essence.  Valara’s response was quick, grasping his wrists and pinning his arms back beside his head much as he had done to her in the shower.  She leaned down, shifting her hips to rub against his erection as she brushed her lips against his.  

“That was mean,” she whispered, nibbling on his lower lip and tightening her grip on his wrists.

“Teach me a lesson,” he dared her, lifting his hips upward, his hard member seeking her warmth to drive himself home.  

Valara smiled, and beyond his desire it felt so good to to tease each other again - as if the years apart had faded away and they were again the Rebels who had found solace in each other.  She answered his taunt with a searing kiss and a shift of her hips, and Luke groaned as her slick heat slid against his hardness.

Pulling up slightly, Valara gave him a sly wink before lifting back up onto her knees, releasing his wrists to instead guide him inside of her.  She let out a sigh as she sank slowly down onto him, and Luke flexed his fingers, aching to touch her.  Valara arched her back, offering her breast to him for that purpose and Luke was quick to take advantage, one hand latching onto her hip to guide her movement and the other palming her breast.  

This time, Valara kept her eyes open and fixed on him as she began to rock against him, leaning forward slightly to press one hand to his chest, pushing down for leverage.  It felt incredible; she was hot and tight and he pulsated inside of her as she sheathed him over and over again, her pace increasing until she was riding him hard and fast towards oblivion.  

“Yes,” Luke grunted, hand tightening on her hip and he bucked up and into her.  “Yes, Valara, that’s it.”

Valara’s answering cries were as unintelligible as they were loud - she was in complete abandon, sweat glistening on her skin, breasts bouncing and breathing erratic, but always she kept his gaze although it was clearly a struggle to do so.  Luke felt he was drowning in pleasure, in her eyes, in their union through the Force, the pinnacle of years of pain, heartache and exquisite happiness culminating in this moment, when everything was right.  

She stiffened and came with Luke’s name on her lips, shuddering around him and his answering release was overwhelming, orgasm wrung from him with such intensity he almost passed out.  Valara collapsed bonelessly on top of him, and he could feel her heart beating in her chest as it was pressed against and mirrored by his own.            

After a few moments she pulled away, breathless and looking utterly satisfied.  “I think we should get married.”

He laughed, grasping for coherent thought. “What?”

"Married." Valara repeated, still breathing heavily. "You said once that you wanted to be my family. I was too bitter and angry to appreciate what you meant, but now I know that's all I want. If the offer's still open," she added slyly, looking at him through lowered eyelashes.

Luke laughed again, and lifted her chin so her gaze met his again. "Wait, let me get the holocam," he teased, kissing the top of her nose. "Otherwise no one is going to believe you said that."

Valara slapped him lightly on the arm. "So is that a yes, Red Five?"

"Are you sure?" he asked seriously. "This isn't just to prove a point?"

"No," she shook her head resolutely. "I love you, and we've wasted enough time dithering. Besides," she touched his face again. "I want to be able to remember what you look like on our wedding day."

Luke reached down to gently kiss the scars beside her eyes. "Then yes."


	24. Chapter 24

**11 ABY, Organa Memorial Gardens, New Alderaan**  
  
****  
The quiet green planet in the Outer Rim wasn’t anything like Alderaan had been, but there were few uninhabited worlds to choose from, and after the war the remaining Alderaanians had grown weary enough of traipsing the stars to finally settle on the remote world. Since then they had devoted themselves to recreating their lost culture, building tall spires of white synthstone that stood among the flat, grassy plains as they once had among the high mountains.  
****  
Vast gardens had been cultivated at the centre of the city; a peace park, monument and heritage garden all rolled into one. Leia had been there when it first opened of course, but this was the first time she’d been able to bring Ben and Luke, and she took great pleasure in pointing out the various flowers and plants from her childhood.  
****  
“Look Ben,” Leia drew him over to the white marble statues which were the focal point of the gardens. “These are your grandparents.”  
****  
Ben looked up at the statue and scrunched up his face. “The King and Queen, right?”  
****  
“Not quite, my darling,” Leia squeezed his hand. “My mother Breha was the Queen, and my father Bail was Viceroy.”  
****  
“But I thought your father was a Skywalker - a Jedi like Uncle Luke?”  
****  
Leia looked over at her brother, who looked down and away, a clear sign that he would let her handle it as she wished. Ben’s dark eyes was upon her, and as always she felt his inquisitive mind grasping for answers - her boy was so clever, in many ways beyond his six years which made it difficult to keep things from him. Leia pushed the thoughts quickly away so he would not pick up on them.  
****  
“Yes he was.” Leia stroked Ben’s dark hair. “But I never knew him - and family is more than blood, Ben. Bail Organa raised me, and loved me, and taught me what was truly valuable in life, what was worth fighting for. He was my father, also.” Slightly more tempered words than she truly felt, that Bail was her _real_ father and Anakin a genetic connection only, but they were for Ben’s benefit, and Luke’s as well.  
****  
Ben nodded, seeming to accept her explanation. “So why wasn’t he a King?”  
****  
Leia laughed, and shared an indulgent look with Luke. “That’s just how things were,” she explained, again brushing back his unruly hair. “The title was inherited through the female line.”  
****  
“Oh.” Ben looked disappointed. “So I’m not a prince, then?”  
****  
Leia crouched down to Ben’s eye level. “Every little boy is a prince.”  
****  
“Mom,” Ben dragged out the word in that way only children can while rolling his eyes.  
****  
“Ben.” Leia pierced him with a steely glare, and he was immediately cowed. “I gave up my title because who I am is what is important, not what they call me. And even though this is my heritage, and these are my people, I can do more good back home in the Senate than I ever could as Queen of Alderaan. When I say every boy is a prince I mean that every child is special and should be valued regardless of where they come from, or who their family is.”  
****  
“Very well said,” a calm voice spoke up from behind them, and Leia turned to see a tall, blonde woman in a pristine white gown. “Although I’m not sure I can completely agree with the former.”  
****  
“Evaan.” Leia rose, moving forward to embrace her old friend. “I wouldn’t have expected anything less.”  
****  
“I’m a royalist still,” Evaan said, and then smiled down at Ben. “I’m glad to meet you, young man. I can tell you some stories about your mother from when we served in the Rebellion together.”  
****  
Ben looked sceptical - he probably thought Leia had spent her whole life giving speeches. She also knew he was terribly shy and often awkward when meeting new people, to the point where he came across as rude or abrupt. Ben shifted from one foot to the other, and Leia could feel a tinge of his anxiety through the Force.  
****  
“Evaan was a pilot, like your Uncle,” Leia prompted, rubbing his back in encouragement.  
****  
“That’s right,” Luke chimed in. “She even outflew me once.”  
****  
That seemed to get Ben’s attention. “Really?”  
****  
Evaan gave an elegant shrug of her slim shoulders. “But to his credit it was only a day after he’d blown up the Death Star, so it pales in comparison.”  
****  
“Besides, I don’t think he’d gotten much sleep the night before,” Leia said slyly.  
****  
“Indeed.” Evaan gave a pearly laugh. “On that subject, where is your lovely bride to be?”  
****  
“Out exploring the city,” Luke told her. “She’ll join us later.” As much as Valara had mellowed over the years, she still had the fierce streak of independence, and had tersely announced she wanted to be out seeing things without assistance while she still could. It pained Leia to think of Valara’s diminishing sight, which she believed struck the woman far deeper than her flippancy would suggest. But she quickly squashed any pity, knowing that Valara would hate to be the object of it.  
****  
“I have to say I was surprised that you decided to get married here,” Evaan said, and Leia felt Ben brush against her skirt. Apparently bored with the adult conversation, he took off towards a patch of orowood trees.  
****  
“Well we wanted somewhere beautiful, but...private,” Luke explained.  
****  
“Well I’m biased, but to me this garden is the most beautiful spot in the galaxy,” Evaan touched his arm fondly. “And you can count on my discretion.”  
****  
“Thank you,” Luke told her. “We’re not keeping it a secret exactly, just…avoid the scrutiny of the Core.”  
****  
“I understand that.” Evaan nodded. “We live peaceful lives here, and given our history that’s more important than ever.”  
****  
Leia forced a smile and looked back at the statue of her parents. They would have liked for nothing more than to live peaceful lives, and perhaps they would have had the chance to, if Vader had never turned. She and Luke disagreed on many things, but they rarely argued to the point where they stopped discussing some matters to avoid conflict. Luke had been persuaded that it was best for everyone if no one else knew the true identity of Darth Vader, but they had argued bitterly over Leia’s choice to also keep the knowledge from young Ben.  
****  
_Our heritage was kept from us_ , he’d said passionately. _Why do you want to do the same to your child?_   Leia had pointed out that she’d been quite happy ignorant and she had no desire to cause Ben heartache, especially as strong in the Force as he was - the danger that he would forever worry that his blood was tainted. Which was of course when Luke had grown indignant, again reminding her that Vader had turned to the light in the end, but that final act mattered little to Leia other than that it meant Luke was alive. What Vader had done to her, to her family, the darkness he had wrought across the galaxy - that was his true legacy.  
****  
Luke had acquiesced in the end, Ben was her child and so the decision would be as well - and Han’s of course, but he supported her completely. It remained a sore point between them, and Leia wondered how much of Luke’s withdrawal to Devaron, the severing of his official ties with the New Republic to keep his Jedi Temple independent and isolated, was anger with her. Or perhaps Luke had withdrawn from public life because he didn’t trust himself with the secret. Either way, it meant she saw less of him than she would like.  
****  
Looking up at the chiseled features of her father’s face, Leia told herself that she’d made the right decision - the same choice he had made. That thought comforted her, although it struck Leia that Luke may very well have children, and she could not force him to keep the truth from them as well. It had not been a proud moment, when they’d argued and she’d said tartly that when he had children he could choose to tell them what he wished. Somewhat a low blow at the time since that had seemed unlikely, and that was when he had conceded at last.  
****  
But circumstances had now changed, and although she had not asked Luke or Valara if their future plans included children she hoped that they did. Leia would love a little niece or nephew to spoil, and perhaps a small cousin would help Ben feel less isolated. More than anything, Leia wished she’d had Luke when she was growing up, that constant friend, companion and family her own age that Ben was also missing.  
****  
It was with a twinge of acute sadness that Leia pressed a hand against her flat belly, knowing that she could never give him a sibling.  Ben had been a pleasant surprise not long after she and Han had married, and the ease with which she had fallen pregnant had made her look forward to more children when they were ready.  After the war had ended they had tried, but a simple infection she'd contracted had put an end to those hopes - and the banality of the cause perhaps hurt more than anything else.

Leia once again pushed aside unpleasant thoughts, reminding herself that the focus should be on her brother's happiness.  She looked away from the statue to see Luke gazing at her curiously - no doubt he'd picked up on her disquiet.     

"Come," she forced a smile and took his hand.  "I'll show you the topiary gardens."

 

* * *

  
****  
Han was unsurprised to find Valara in one of the downton bars of New Aldera, quietly enjoying a glass of whiskey. He took a seat beside her and motioned to the bartender to pour him the same.  
****  
“You found me then.” Valara didn’t look up from her glass, but the corner of her mouth quirked into a small smile.  
****  
“It wasn't hard,” Han told her, taking an experimental sip of the whiskey - middle of the range, he noted, the kind to sip and savour, not to get drunk with. “Although this place is a bit more upscale than your past haunts.”  
****  
“I don't think Alderaanians _do_ downscale,” Valara noted. “And besides, we didn't have a great deal of choice in the Rebellion.”  
****  
“No,” Han agreed, scratching his freshly-shaved chin. “But that was kind of the charm of it.”  
****  
“Do you miss it?” she asked.  
****  
“Sometimes - but only because they're safely in the past. Besides, a six year old is adventure enough right now.”  
****  
“I’ll bet.”  
****  
They drank quietly for a few minutes, listening to the gentle trickling of the water feature behind the bar. It felt nothing like old times, which were bawdy and loud, but Han had mellowed over the years and didn’t mind the silence at all. Besides, he’d hoped to find her alone.  
****  
“So, the wedding is tomorrow,” he began conversationally. “No cold feet I hope.”  
  
Valara smirked into her drink, as if anticipating exactly what he was going to say. “No.”  
****  
“It’s just marriage, you know,” Han leaned casually against the bar. “It’s difficult, and you don’t realise just how much until you’re in there. Even for couples without a cargo load of baggage, it’s hard work. You’d be foolish if you _didn’t_ have a few stray doubts.”  
****  
“Are you testing me?” she asked, amused. “Trying to push to see if I'll run?”  
****  
Han shrugged. “I like you, Valara, I always have. Luke needs someone like you, and I have no doubt you love him. But I have a long memory, too.”  
****  
“Fair enough.” Valara took a sip of her whiskey. “I was expecting the _don't hurt him or else_ speech from one of you.”  
****  
“Nah, more like, I hope you're sure, because marriage is a whole different smashball game to whatever you two have been carrying on for years.” Han was serious - he only wanted her to understand. “It takes real commitment, because it's every day, and it's forever. You don't decide to quit one day because you fought over something, or one of those little habits start to drive you crazy, or because you were so swept up in the joy of it all that you never had a proper conversation about how you were going to live your lives or whether you wanted kids.”  
****  
Valara narrowed her eyes. “Would it comfort you to know that we _have_ had those conversations?”  
****  
“Well...yes.”  
****  
“I understand it's difficult to believe, at least for me.” Valara said, putting her empty glass back down on the counter. “You once accused me of not knowing Luke at all, but that's not the case anymore. I think I know him better than anyone else now - even you.”  
****  
“Good,” Han smiled, feeling slightly more reassured. “That's how it should be.”  
****  
Valara nodded to the bartender, who took the empty bottle of whiskey and replaced it with a full one, pouring her another glass.  
****  
“You drink too much, V.”  
****  
“Hmph.” Valara took a long swig and shrugged. “Are you going to tell me _anything_ today I don't already know?”  
****  
“Yeah.” Han waited until he had her full attention, although her gaze was slightly off centre. “You need to know you're not just marrying Luke tomorrow, you're getting all of us - it's a package deal.”  
****  
“I kn-”  
****  
“No, you don’t,” Han cut her off. “You need to understand we’re your family now, through all nine hells and beyond. We’ll fight with you, and for you, through every hard day ahead.” Han squeezed her arm lightly. “Hey, I grew up alone too, I know it's hard to accept when people say things like that, because you either think they're pretty, well intended words and nothing else, or otherwise they're lies to establish trust so you can be exploited, but this is real.”  
****  
Valara’s throat worked as she swallowed heavily, and she blinked a few times. “Thank you,” she said quietly, turning back to her drink and idly tracing the rim of the glass with one finger. “I don’t know much about being part of a family, and nothing about being a wife.”  
****  
“You’ll learn,” Han assured her. “If you put half the determination into letting us in as you did pushing everyone away all those years you should be right.”  
****  
He was rewarded with a smile, and she lifted her glass. “Well here’s to the hard days ahead - may they be worth it.”  
****  
"Oh, and one more thing."  Han clicked his glass lightly against hers and winked. “Don’t hurt him, or else.”  
****

* * *

  
The wedding was a quiet affair, with only Han, Leia, Ben and Chewbacca in attendance. Valara stood facing Luke in a gazebo in the centre of the gardens, white snowblossoms wound through her hair. Their vows were simple and plain, a pledge to love, trust and keep faith.  
****  
To seal the union Luke removed a small knife from his belt, making a small gash in his left palm before handing it to Valara to do the same to her right. She made the cut without flinching, and then slid the blade into the sheath sewn into the belt of her dress. It was an old custom from Tatooine, or so Luke had explained to her, to truly join the lovers in blood, the knife passing from husband and wife in a pledge of protection and respect.  
****  
Luke held out his hands, a streak of red blood against one calloused palm, and she pressed her own against his, their fingers intertwining as they clasped them together. Through the Force Valara could feel him, Luke’s blood mixing with hers as his clear blue eyes stared into her own, forever and irrevocably bonding them. She had expected to feel apprehensive at such a moment, but instead she felt a wave of contentment - she was no longer afraid.  
****  
Their hands remained joined as they came together in a kiss, sealing their union as Leia and Han applauded and Chewie gave a roar. Valara laughed as she finally pulled away, their palms sticking together for a moment before they were able to separate. Leia came forward with a damp cloth to wipe away the blood and apply a bacta patch to their palms, before embracing both of them tightly.  
  
“I always wanted a sister,” Leia whispered as she held her.  
****  
“I had three,” Valara said. “They tried to kill me.”  
****  
Leia laughed lightly and pulled away, squeezing her forearms. “That’s not how we do things in this family.”  
****  
Valara bite back a retort - given the surroundings Leia was probably referring to her Organa heritage rather than Skywalker blood. “I’ll do my best to fit in,” she countered instead.  
****  
Chewbacca approached her and Valara turned to smile at him. It had taken her years to overcome the anti-alien bias taught to her since birth, and she was still conscious of it every time she was around the Wookiee, anxious not to say or do anything which would offend him. He reached out a hairy paw and patted her lightly on the head.  
****  
“Thank you, Chewbacca.”  
****  
Chewbacca let out a few growls, cocking his head to the side as Valara looked to Luke for translation.  
****  
“He says if you really want to be part of this family,” Han cut in. “You better start learning Shyriiwook.”  
****  
“No he didn’t,” Luke laughed. “He said to call him Chewie.”  
****  
“Chewie.” The name was unfamiliar on her tongue, informal and strange. But it seemed to work, the Wookiee pulling her into a fierce embrace that almost took the air from her lungs. She relaxed into it, touched by his acceptance.  
****  
Han was next, drawing her into a hug. “Don’t forget what I said,” he muttered.  
****  
“The threat, or the welcome?”  
****  
Han chucked lightly as he pulled away. “Both.”  
****  
Valara looked down but found the youngest Solo absent. Leia touched her arm lightly and nodded towards a cluster of rocks near the rose garden, where young Ben had taken a seat. She understood his reticence - the boy loved his uncle fiercely and didn’t seem him very often as it was. There was no doubt he saw her as an interloper in their family.  
****  
He was scuffing his boots against the rocks and pulling at the high collar of his formal tunic as Valara approached, but gave a weak smile as she took a seat beside him. She smoothed out the folds in her skirt, occupying herself for a few moments before speaking.  
****  
“I know we haven't always been friends, Ben,” she began cautiously. “But we’re going to be family now.”  
****  
“I know,” Ben nodded. “Mom says I have to like you or else.”  
****  
“Or else what?”  
****  
“I dunno,” Ben shrugged. “But I don't want to find out.”  
****  
“Well that we can agree on,” Valara said, buoyed when Ben returned her smile. “You can call me Aunt V if you like.”  
****  
“I guess that would be okay.” A concession that felt like a victory. Ben seemed genuine enough, although she had always had difficulty reading him, his mind firmly barricaded. Valara grasped for some common ground other than Luke.  
****  
“Your father says you’ve been helping him with _Falcon_ ,” she said, and Ben nodded.  
****  
“He’s been teaching me how to fix stuff.” Ben giggled to himself. “It’s always breaking down.”  
****  
“I have a ship of my own,” Valara told him. “An X-Wing. It doesn’t fly, in fact I’m not sure if it will ever fly again. But I’m trying to fix it - maybe you could help me when you come visit.”  
****  
“Really?” Ben perked up. “You’d let me?”  
****  
“Of course.” Valara took a chance and touched him on the shoulder, gratified when he did not pull away. “Trust me, you can’t make things worse.”  
****  
“Alright then.” Ben smiled again, this time showing his teeth as Valara felt a slight pressure in the back of her mind ease. “Aunt V.”  
****

* * *

  
Luke and Valara spent the evening walking through the extensive gardens, even long after the others had left for the night. The crisp night air was cool on Valara’s bare shoulders but she refused to take Luke’s jacket. She did, however, slip her hand into the crook of his arm as they walked together, since she had difficulty seeing properly in the dark. The moon was a silver orb above, that much she could make out, and several spots in the garden were lit up with ornate lamps although sadly she could not see much detail in the intricate plants and flowers which lined the pathways.  
****  
Still, it was peaceful, the only sound the occasional call of nightbirds in distant trees; a low-toned, musical sound. Valara had never really felt a great love for nature, growing up among the duracrete and steel of Coruscant. It was on Jakku she had begun to truly appreciate the living world simply because her surroundings had been so desolate. Finding a desert bloom had been a rare but thrilling occurrence, and in her time on Devaron she had spent much time with Farnay who had taught her much about the connection in the Force between nature and those who lived among it.  
****  
“I have a gift for you,” Valara told her new husband as they approached the heritage trees. She’d been counting steps in the back of her mind since the hedge maze and was certain she recognised the outline of the plants which lined the path ahead.  
****  
“Leia told me about this garden,” she added, and felt Luke’s eyes on her as they walked. “A contradiction, really. Young plants still, but grown from cuttings taken from the oldest trees in the galaxy.”  
****  
“Kind of like the Jedi.”  
****  
“Exactly,” Valara said, stopping in front of a small tree with spindly branches and yellow-green leaves.  
****  
“Is that...?” Luke crouched down and touched the plant reverently. He didn’t need to finish his question, no doubt sensing the presence of the tree which shone like a beacon in the Force.  
****  
“I took a cutting from yours on Devaron,” she confirmed, pleased that he seemed to understand her meaning. “So what you’re building there - a part of it will grow here, as well.”  
****  
“What _we’re_ building,” Luke said, and through the Force she felt a wave of his love. He traced one branch lightly, almost reverently. “There’s one on Yavin as well.”  
****  
“One where we first met, one where we got married.” Valara smiled, reaching out to run her fingers through his hair. “And one where we live.”  
****  
“What’s this?” he asked, picking up a small wrapped package beside the tree.  
****  
“Ah, that’s something to remind you of that reckless farmboy you once were.”  
****  
Luke stood, unwrapping the package to reveal a yellow jacket with ribbing on the sleeves. It was standard Alliance-issue around the time of the Battle of Yavin, although Luke had kept wearing one long after the style had moved on.  
****  
“How did you track one of these down?” he asked with a grin, running the material between his fingers.  
****  
“I’m resourceful,” Valara told him, leaning in to accept his kiss in thanks.  
****  
“I don't have anything for you.” He was serious when he pulled away, folding the jacket and replacing it back in the wrapping on the ground.  
****  
“You've given me something I've never had before,” she told him softly, moving closer to take his hands in hers. “A family - and a proper name.”  
****  
She felt a deep warmth in her heart as she smiled again - tinged only with her own sadness that soon she would never see that smile again, she would only feel it.  
****  
“You see,” he teased her. “You can be sweet if you try.”  
****  
“Well don’t expect anything more than that.” She nudged him playfully. “I think I just reached my lifetime sentimentality quota.”  
****  
Luke chuckled, leaning in to kiss her again. “Well I haven’t,” he said, staring deeply into her eyes. “I love you, V.”  
****  
“You know that’s the first time you’ve ever said that to me,” she pointed out, squeezing his hands lightly.  
****  
“No, it’s not,” Luke protested, and then looked up in the air, his mind clearly working on the problem.  
****  
“I mean, I always knew,” she said. “But it’s nice to hear all the same.”  
****  
Luke cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs gently caressing her cheeks. “I’ll tell you every day for the rest of our lives.”  
****  
“I hope so.”  
****  
“Valara Skywalker.” The name sounded right in the timbre of his voice, and she focused on the way his lips formed around the words, etching it into her memory. “It suits you.”


	25. Chapter 25

**14 ABY, Senate Building, Coruscant**

 

It had taken a while, but Ben had finally found a room within the Senate chambers that was both unlocked and unoccupied, and he closed himself inside.  Even though he was tall for a nine year old, the conference table and chairs were slightly too large, but he managed to climb onto a seat and clasp his hands together on the smooth surface.   

There had been another incident at school.   Ben didn’t know what all the fuss was about, he couldn’t help it if he could read his classmate's minds.  Everyone had overreacted anyway, Ben had just wanted to say how sorry he was that the boy’s pet tooka had died, and the kid had just lost it.  Apparently he had wanted to keep it a secret from people at school, which Ben didn’t understand at all - why wouldn’t anyone want sympathy when something bad had happened?

His father had given him another lecture about respecting other people’s privacy.  

_ “I know you have these skills, Ben,” Han had said, tense posture indicating his agitation.  “And that’s great, but you can’t overdo it.  Look at your mother, she has the Force and she doesn’t spend her time rattling around in here.”  He tapped his temple.   _

_ “Why bother when I can read everything in your face?” Leia rubbed his arm and smiled - at least she wasn’t angry.   _

_ “Uncle Luke and Aunt V do it all the time,” Ben argued.  “They’re always reading each other’s minds.  It’s gross.” _

_ “Don’t listen to them especially,” Han said, his voice still stern but unable to completely clamp down on a smile.  “I doubt it’s suitable for young ears.  And besides, they’re married, it’s different.” _

_ Ben pouted, not about to give up.  “Uncle Luke reads other people’s minds, too.  He’s always telling people what they’re feeling.” _

_ “But he would never do it without permission,” Leia crouched down in front of Ben and took his hands.  “People go to the Temple for his help and advice.” _

_ Ben scowled, a familiar pressure building in his head as a voice whispered that his parents were being unreasonable.  His mother had turned her back on her Force training, and his father didn’t have it at all.   _

They had argued for a few more minutes until Ben had grown frustrated  and accidentally sent a vase smashing into the wall with the Force.  He had seen the fear in his father’s eyes - that reaction he always tried to hide but never could.  His mother hid hers better, squeezing his hands lightly and telling him it was alright, and he would learn control in time.  Still, she’d taken with him with her to the Senate to following day and not school, where he’d had to sit through hours of meetings and negotiations until he’d managed to sneak away and explore.

He didn’t mind being alone most of the time - it gave him the chance to think, and listen.  Ben closed his eyes, searching out through the Force but for once the voice didn’t answer.

“Hello young man.”  A crisp, formal accent broke through his search, and Ben’s eyes snapped open to see a tall, red and grey-haired man standing in the doorway.  

“Who are you?”  

“My name is Brendol Hux.”  He entered the room, walking with his back straight and his arms clasped behind his back.  “And you, I believe, are Ben Solo.”

“Yeah.”  Ben narrowed his eyes, dipping into the man’s mind.  He was not Force sensitive, but Ben sensed something bitter and vile, like a festering wound.  “How did you know that?”

“I know a great deal about you, Ben,” Hux said, his smile chilling.  “Or rather I’ve been told a great deal.”

Ben shrugged, unimpressed.  “Mom’s always on the holonet, people know stuff because of that.”

“I have a son about your age.”  Hux took a few steps closer.  “He’s very clever too, although he has more respect for his elders.”

“I got respect for people,” Ben bristled.  “Some people.”

“Those who deserve it, I imagine?” Hux smiled again.  “The strong command the respect of the weak, I agree with you.”

Ben was confused - he hadn’t meant that at all.  His mother had always said it was the responsibility of the strong to protect the weak, and that no matter what he did he should use his abilities to help those less fortunate than him.

“Your Uncle is strong.” Hux took another step forward, until he was looming over Ben.  “But he makes weak choices, hiding away in his Temple when he could be bending others to his will.  There is much I admire about the Jedi of old, and while he has twice their skill he has none of their discipline.”

It was the first time Ben had heard someone speak badly of his Uncle, and he looked up at Hux, unsure of how to respond.  Luke had always said the old Jedi had trained from a very young age, that they were not permitted to have families because they were considered to be distractions.  Ben loved his parents but he longed to start his training, not to control his powers, but to enhance them to do the good his mother had spoken of.     

“Uncle Luke is the greatest Jedi who ever lived.”  Ben crossed his arms over his chest and stared defiantly up at Hux.

“And yet he married a woman who is weak and damaged,” Hux said, a glint in his eye.  “And my sources tell me she is barren, unable to him give an heir.”  He chuckled to himself.  “Perhaps that is why he hides her away, keeping his life a secret as if he is ashamed of it.  But we have uncovered that which he would conceal from the galaxy.”

Ben didn’t know what “barren” meant, or what it had to do with Uncle Luke’s hair but to Hux it seemed like something important.  Sometimes the other kids asked him is he really was the nephew of the great Luke Skywalker, and Ben had been proud to boast.  But his mother had always reminded him that Luke wanted to keep his privacy, and not to show too much pride - that his uncle was a man like anyone else.  

“So it seems,” Hux addressed him again.  “That you, young Ben, are responsible for carrying on his legacy.  The question is, what will you do with it?” 

Ben often thought about his destiny, ever since he was small he was certain he would be a Jedi.  He thought his mother’s job was boring and despite his efforts he wasn’t very good at flying like his father, but the Force came to him so naturally, just like the rest of his family.  His grandfather, the Hero with No Fear who had fought and died in the Clone Wars, his Uncle, who had defeated the Emperor and Darth Vader single-handedly.  And now Ben, who had yet to prove himself.  

“Tell me,” Hux said.  “Have you told your parents about that voice in your head?”

Ben’s mouth dropped open and his stomach leapt.  He hadn’t told anyone at all about the voice - he wasn’t even sure if it was real, or whether he was just talking to himself.  

“Don’t be afraid,” Hux said.  “You can trust me to keep your secret.  Do you know who it is you talk to?”

“I...think so.”  Ben fidgeted in his chair.  Uncle Luke had told him that in the past he’d seen Jedi appear as ghosts, including the one Ben was named for.  But if the voice was real, he had to believe that it was family guiding him - the grandfather whose bravery and legend he desperately wanted to live up to.  

Hux looked like he was about to speak further, but Ben was distracted by the familiar presence of his mother in the hallway outside.  It was only a moment before she strode into the room, taking in Ben and Hux in one instant, her worried expression hardening and turning into a sneer.  

“Hux,” she said coolly, immediately crossing to room to Ben’s side and placing her hands on his shoulders.  “What a surprise to see you - I’d heard you were dead.”

“No more than the Empire,” Hux said, his pointed chin lifting.  

“So just defeated and diminished then.” Leia smirked, and Ben surprised to hear her voice so sharp.  “So why are you here?”

“As agreed in the Galactic Concordance, the Empire is entitled to send an emissary.”  Hux’s features twisted, as if the words were difficult to say.  “When I heard the Senate had returned to Coruscant I volunteered, to see what your rabble had done to her.  Imagine my surprise to find not much has changed.”

“Everything has changed,” Leia said through gritted teeth.  “The Senate is here for now, but in a few years it will move again, according to the will of the people.”

“Always in the Core though it seems.”

“Where the Empire has no business.”  Leia took Ben’s hand and led him swiftly from the room.  When they were safely back in her office, she turned to him looking worried.  

“Are you alright, Ben?” she asked, brushing the hair back from his face.  It never worked, and a fringe of hair flopped back over his forehead.  “What did he say to you?”

Ben shifted on the spot and looked down.  If he told his mother what Hux had said, would she confront him?  Then he might let slip about the voice, and that was Ben’s secret, something for him alone.  

“He said some bad things about you and Uncle Luke,” he said, closing down his mind and looking back up at his mother.  “I didn’t believe him.”

“Of course you didn’t.”  Leia smiled and stroked the side of his face, but underneath Ben could still sense her suspicion.  “Hux is a cruel man.”

Ben nodded, but he was resolved to think further about his words later that night.  He’d never met anyone from the Empire before, and although everyone knew they were evil, some of the things Hux had said made a kind of sense.  

He would ask the voice, and find out the truth.     

* * *

  
  


**Jedi Temple, Devaron**

 

There were few coveted chores at the Temple, but Laisha didn’t mind kitchen cleanup duty - it was certainly preferable to scrubbing the ‘freshers and there was a certain routine to washing dishes which was conducive to thinking.  Unfortunately, her companion that day hadn’t stopped complaining. 

Nada Yilu had only arrived at the Temple that week, a young arrogant man from Coruscant.  He’d passed the initial Force tests well enough, although Laisha doubted he had the temperament to be a Jedi.  She’d told Luke so - her status as his apprentice meant he often listened to her opinions and advice.  But this time he’d chastised her, saying that they should give the young man a chance to break free from his privileged upbringing and grow in the Force.  Then he’d assigned her to shadow him, and while Laisha understood his point her opinion hadn’t changed.  The kid made her montrals ache.

“This is droid’s work,” Nada grumbled, directing the washing hose into the sink full of pans.  But he’d turned the pressure up too high and the spray rebounded back to him, soaking his tunic.  “Gah!”  He jumped back, grabbing a towel and patting himself down.  

Laisha couldn’t help but laugh.  The Ithorian chef Abelia shook her head and went back to chopping vegetables, her bulbous eyes blinking in amusement.  

“The only droid around here is Artoo,” Laisha told him.  “And I wouldn’t ask him to wash dishes if I were you.”

Nada threw down the towel on the bench.  “My parents own a chain of hotels, I bet I could get them to donate a bunch of old cleaning droids.”

Laisha sighed.  “This is a community, Nada,” she told him, taking off her washing gloves and turning to face him fully.  “We rely on ourselves and each other, you need to learn that.”

“This place isn’t what I thought it would be.”  Nada said, tugging at his still-wet tunic.  “I didn’t expect the chores - and I haven’t even touched a lightsaber yet.”

“The first lesson we have to learn is patience,” Laisha said, as much to herself as Nada.  Perhaps that was why Luke had assigned her to look after him - even after years of training she still struggled with that aspect.  “But once we’re finished here I’ll take you to combat class.”

“With Master Skywalker?”  

“No, he teaches the advanced class,” Laisha shook her head, not bothering to remind him to use Luke’s first name.  “Have you met Valara yet?”

Nada fiddled with the pressure gauges on the water hose and tried the stream again, this time successfully keeping it in the sink.  “No, but I’ve seen her around.  You know, I couldn’t believe it when they said she was Master Skywalker’s wife.”

Laisha smiled to herself.  “They like their privacy.”

“No, I mean, because she was an Imperial.”  Nada shook the excess water off a dish and placed it on the drying rack.  “I remember hearing stories about the Inquisitors when I was small.  My mother was worried they’d come find me and take me away.”

Hardly an unfamiliar story among those who came to the Temple, and Laisha herself had been wary of Valara when they’d first met.  She had softened over the years - not by much, but enough to be approachable in the right circumstances.  Laisha warned herself to keep Nada away from her until he’d learned a bit of humility.  

“She defected when she was still a teenager,” Laisha told him, protective of her friend.  “You know she led the team that stole the Death Star plans?”

Nada looked slightly more impressed.  “But she’s blind, how can she teach combat?”

Laisha smiled; perhaps humility needed to be learned sooner rather than later.  “Finish up your work and let’s go see.”

* * *

Class had already started and Laisha indicated for Nada to be quiet as they sat on the bleachers.  Valara was in the centre of the room, sparring against one of the other students with her metal quarterstaff.  Laisha had seen her fight enough times to know when she was going easy, deliberately telegraphing her moves and going at a slow pace so not to completely demolish her opponent.  Anyone not aware that Valara was blind would be unlikely to guess watching her fight.  

“She’s alright,” Nada whispered with soft chuckle.  “Guess she can’t be trusted with a lightsaber, huh?”

Laisha glared at him and touched one finger to her lips to remind him again to keep silent.  The spar was soon over and Valara stepped back and leaned against her staff in a familiar pose.  

“Good,” she said to her opponent.  “But you’re still too reactive - there’s a difference between defence and hesitancy.”  She took the practice staff from the student and gestured for him to retake his seat.  “Remember that combat isn’t about showing off your skills.  Use of a weapon should a last resort, but if you’re forced to do so make sure you neutralise your opponent as quickly as you can.  Waiting too long for them to make a mistake could be yours.”

Valara seemed to scan the room, a technique that never failed to unnerve people although Laisha knew it was half feint and when the woman’s gaze settled on her, it was because she sensed her through the Force.  

“Laisha,” Valara greeted her, and then her cloudy eyes shifted to Nada.  “It seems you’ve brought a sceptic with you today.” 

Laisha shrugged and gave her a smile.  “He’s fresh off the transport, V, don’t be too hard on him.”

“What your name freshie?” Valara stared directly at him, and Laisha saw him squirm a little.  

“Nada Yilu.”

“Thank you for volunteering Nada.”  Valara gestured from him to join her, and he did with obvious false bravado, taking the practice staff she offered to him and examining it.  

“I may be blind, but my hearing is impeccable.”  Valara stared at him, and Laisha could see Nada was unable to hold her sightless gaze.  “You don’t put a pilot into a snubfighter until they’ve mastered the simulator, and you don’t hand a lightsaber to someone until you know they’re not going to cut their own hand off.”  Her voice was stern, and the room was completely silent.  “That’s the first reason I teach basic combat skills - hand to hand, stick and staff.  If and when you’re ready, and only if I say so, you can move on to lightsaber training with Luke.”

Nada seemed defiant rather than cowed.  “What’s the other reason?”

Valara’s smile looked like a baring of teeth rather than an expression of amusement.  “I am not a Jedi, and I don’t use a lightsaber.  Because while it is a symbol of peacekeepers, it is also a deadly weapon.  Not to the extent a blaster is of course, but never forget it's a laser that can slice through skin and bone as if it was butter.”

“You can do a lot of damage with this too,” Nada pointed out, spinning the practice rod around in his hands. 

“Yes you can,” Valara agreed. “But I've yet to kill anyone with my staff.”

That seemed to shut Nada up, and Laisha felt a ripple of amusement even if she knew Luke probably wouldn’t have been happy with such a veiled threat.    

“Valara?”  One of the other students raised her hand and called out.  “Why  _ aren’t  _ you a Jedi?”

“Because I know myself,” Valara told her, voice softened.  “Not all of you in this room will become Jedi - and there is nothing wrong with that.  You are here to learn to use the Force, to discover how it best manifests in you; to control and direct your abilities into something that enriches not only your life but those of others.”

“And for you that’s fighting?” Nada spoke up again, having regained some of his confidence.  

“Flying was what I was best at,” Valara told him, her voice even.  “But I can’t do that any more, and combat was always a close second - although certainly not in a way the Jedi would approve of.”  She smirked, and a small tittering went through the class - her past was an open secret, and she was often willing to use it as a teaching lesson if warranted, and with those she felt needed it.  

“I avoided it for years, until I realised that running from my mistakes meant I would never overcome them.”  Valara’s gaze turned again to Laisha, and she felt a small touch at the back of her mind, a memory of the first time they’d fought.  “This,” Valara held out her staff, “is a happy medium between what I was and what I might have been if not for those mistakes.”

Only Nada seemed unimpressed.  “I studied all kinds of combat at the Coruscant Academy,” he said, chin tilting in pride.  “I know what my skills are, and I’m beyond basic training.” 

Valara visibly bristled.  “Then show me.”

The spar took less than two minutes.  All of Valara’s restraint with the previous student was gone as she swung her quarterstaff with precision and accuracy.  Right from the beginning, Nada had difficulty keeping up, and she almost hit him several times before pulling back and starting the next attack.  She was relentless, finally knocking him backwards so he fell onto the rubber mat with a thump.  Breathing heavily, Nada looked up at Valara and although she of course could not see his red face, she no doubt she felt his shame.  Laisha felt quite sorry for him.  

“So many of you have always used the Force perhaps without knowing it - your abilities have been boosted naturally all your life.”  Valara stepped forward, reaching out her hand to pull Nada to his feet.  “But harnessing the Force is something quite different, and must be learned.  I can see you have the skills and the discipline, Nada, but never think they cannot be improved.”

Nada took a seat back in the bleachers and the class continued with Valara demonstrating several techniques with her staff, explaining how she tapped into the Force to sense her surroundings and use all of her remaining senses in combat.  They split into pairs and and practiced closing their eyes to try and feel a coming attack, and she told them not to be discouraged by failure - it had taken her years to truly master it.  It was easier for Laisha than others; like all other Togrutas the montrals protruding from her skull helped her feel the movement of those around her.  They were fully grown now, enhancing her senses like never before.  

After the class ended Nada left quickly but Laisha hung back, helping Valara pack up the equipment.  “You certainly taught him a lesson,” Laisha said with a slight reproach.  

“I promised Luke I would help him teach,” Valara shrugged. “Not that I'd be nice.  That boy needed to be knocked on his arse.”

“Perhaps,” Laisha picked up a stray practice staff from the floor.  “But in front of his peers?”

Valara sighed.  “You’re probably right - I guess I’m still learning too.  Speaking of which,” she added with a smile.  “You’ll finish your training eventually, have you given any thought to what you’ll do then?”

Laisha shrugged, and then realised that of course Valara would not have seen it. “I don’t know,” she said, taking a seat on the bleachers.  “If Luke asks me to stay and help train others of course I will, but…”  Laisha touched one lek absently, her thoughts staying her her childhood.  She’d been so lonely and although that had changed when she’d come to the Temple, at times Luke almost seeming like a father to her, it wasn’t the same.  

“I thought I might go to the Outer Rim - there’s so many of my people still in slavery.”

Valara sat down touched her arm gently.  “Find your sisters, perhaps?”

“I know it’s a longshot,” Laisha said.  “They might not even be still alive, and even if they’re not, there’s others I can help.”

“I know Luke would say you have to go where you feel you have been called,” Valara assured her, and although when Laisha looked into her clouded-over eyes she knew there was no true gaze back, she still felt comforted by holding it.  “He doesn’t want to have dominion over his Jedi like the old Order.”

Whatever she decided, Laisha knew she would have Luke’s support, although it was nice to have her friend’s as well.  “Did you ever want to look for your family?”

Valara turned away, her shoulders stiffening slightly.  “I want to look to the future to the past.  Luke is my family, although…”  She stopped abruptly, clearing her throat in obvious discomfort and standing.  “We should finish cleaning up.”

Laisha opened her mouth, wanting to say something, to give Valara the comfort in return she’d so often received from her.  But words failed her, and they continued the cleanup in silence.  

* * *

It was almost midnight and Valara found sleep unwilling to find her.  She shifted in the cool sheets, telling herself it was just the troubles of the day keeping her awake but deep down she knew the truth.  Luke wasn’t there beside her.

After dinner he’d headed towards the Temple roof to meditate and hadn’t returned despite the late hour.  Valara thought back to the girl she’d been during the Rebellion - how that fool would have sneered at her life and the notion that she had difficulty sleeping alone.  But during that time she’d also been desperately unhappy, self-loathing and with half a death wish.  All things considered, Valara thought that a sacrifice of complete independence rather meaningless considering all she had gained in return.  

There had been difficult times, of course, living and working in such close quarters, and over the years they had argued but they’d always found a common ground.  Rather than familiarity breeding contempt, Valara had flourished under it, not a day going by where she wasn’t thankful for Luke’s love.  

Her discussion with Laisha about family kept running over through her mind.  While the two of them together was enough to make her happy, Valara couldn’t deny her longing for something more.  They’d discussed children before they’d gotten married, and Luke had been surprised when Valara had told him she was open to the idea, particularly when she’d been adamantly against it in the past.  She’d reminded him that she hadn’t wanted a husband either, and while the idea of being a mother still frightened her she was willing to see what happened.  

That was three years earlier, and  _ wait and see  _ had left them still waiting. 

Valara exhaled harshly, throwing aside the sheet and pulling on the robe at the end of the bed.  She drew the silk around her and pulled the sash, padding barefoot down the hallways and up the stairs to the Temple’s meditation room, feeling her way by one hand drifting smoothly along the stone walls. 

The Force tree shone through her blindness, its strong trunk and reaching branches of light so pure she didn’t even need to concentrate to sense it.  She could feel Luke’s presence at the base, entwined with rather than engulfed by its energy.  Valara approached slowly, taking her time to feel her way up the steps to where Luke was seated, his form in the Force becoming discernable to her as she drew closer.  He sat cross-legged and leaning against the trunk, his mind deep in meditation.  

“Can’t sleep?” he asked as she felt him return.  

“No,” she answered, drawing closer until her shin brushed against his knee.  “You either?”

Luke’s hand found hers, drawing her down onto his lap.  Valara traced the features of Luke’s face, the planes and contours of his skin familiar even though she could not see them.  But she remembered, and could feel him through the Force.     

“I feel uneasy,” Luke said.  “And I’m not sure why.”

“Is all well with the Devaronians?”

“Better than ever, I think,” Luke said, and Valara’s fingers brushed against his mouth to feel his smile.  “Their lands have finally recovered from the Imperial damage.”

“Have you talked to Leia recently?” Valara pressed, determined to find the reason for his disquiet.  “It’s been awhile since they visited.”

“That’s true,” Luke said wistfully.  “I’ll comm her tomorrow.”

Valara ran her fingers lightly through his hair.  “What would you do without me?”

Luke laughed, squeezing her legs playfully.  “Feel desperately alone.  You?”

“I’d probably be dead.”  

Pulling her closer, Luke kissed her gently.  “Have I remembered to tell you today that I love you?”

“You have now.” Valara kissed him again, her fingers toying with the high collar on his tunic.  

“1451 days and counting,” Luke teased, nuzzling his nose against hers.  

“Come to bed,” Valara whispered to him, tugging on his tunic slightly and giving him a nudge through the Force.  “The galaxy’s troubles will still be there tomorrow.”

Luke’s grip tightened on her legs, holding her on his lap.  “I don’t think I can wait that long.”

Valara laughed - even after three years of marriage he could still surprise her.  “What if someone walks in?”

His touch crept up her thighs, fingertips moving lightly over the silk of her nightgown.  He untied the sash of her robe and parted the material, leaning forward to press his lips to the swell of her breast, making her stomach leap.  

“I thought you liked it when I was reckless?”

She couldn’t argue with that, her fingers coiling through his hair to draw Luke closer as he kissed her neck.  He slipped the robe off her shoulders, exposing her skin to the cool night air in contrast to the heat of his lips against her skin.  Her nipples sharped into hard points as he nibbled on the juncture between her neck and shoulder, and Valara let out a small, keening cry.  

“If only I'd figured out earlier that this was the way to distract you from meditation,” she said, pressing her breast into his waiting hand. He ran his thumb over her nipple staring against the silk of her nightgown. “I'd of come up here much earlier.”

“Sometimes the coming is better delayed,” Luke said, hand travelling down her side and disappearing under her nightgown.  Valara laughed, never loving him more than when he was lewd.  She began to unbutton his tunic as his fingers crept up her thigh.

“But not too long,” she warned him, stripping off his tunic and running her hands over his chest. She could feel the rise and fall of it with each breath, her fingers tracing the contour of each muscle to make it quicken. 

“Not too long,” Luke promised, pressing his fingers against her sweet spot. 

“Oh!”  Valara pushed herself against him, finding his lips and kissing him deeply. She lifted herself up slightly on her knees to give him better access, her hands grasping the button on his pants

“Speaking of,” she whispered against his lips, releasing his erection from the confines of the material. “I remember the first night we were together, I did this.”  She ran her hand up and down his thick staff, fingers curling around the base. “And I thought, this guy doesn't know how happy he's going to make women with this thing.”

Luke chuckled, although his breath hitched as her thumb encircled the tip of his manhood.  “Well it’s made you happy at least.”

“Very,” she sighed, her mind flooding with memories - his quarters on Hoth when he’d managed to get rid of his roommate for the night, a multitude of closets and storage rooms on various starships when the fleet had wandered before Endor, his apartment on Chandrila and the bed they’d made their own.  Then of course, the last few years at the Temple; where every morning she would feel him pressed up against her, and they would couple quickly and intensely before heading off to morning meditation with matching smiles.  Sometimes just for fun Valara would wait until a break in their schedules aligned, and she would entice him into an enclosed space within the Temple, or outside to a secluded grove in the forest.  Then at night they would make love, slow and long and deep, and Valara knew the absence of tat relase was what had kept her awake.     

They’d been together in every way possible, and yet her desire for him had never dipped.  Whenever Luke touched her it felt like the first time, her body quivering in excitement to feel him around her and within her.  Valara had always felt like a nomad, always searching for something to escape from and to; never settled, never satisfied.  But Luke was the one thing she had never tired of, even if she wanted more.    

“You’ve made me happy too,” Luke told her, drawing her attention back to him, the long even stroke of his fingers increasing in pace.  Valara could feel the pressure in her belly increase, and she rocked her hips against his deft touch.  “All I need is you, my love. Just you.”

Valara grasped his face and kissed him fiercely. Of course he had picked up on her wayward thoughts, and wanted to reassure her.  But she pushed them aside, focusing her attention on the here and now, and not the disappointments of the past or the uncertainties of the future.

Luke tore his lips away from hers and kissed her neck again, this time sucking ardently on her skin.  Valara ran her hands through his hair and lifted higher on her knees, encouraging him down over her breast.  But rather than pull her nightgown to expose her, his mouth glided over the silk before latching onto her nipple through the fabric.

Arching her back towards him, Valara let out a shuddering breath.  His hands began to caress her legs, reaching up to clasp her behind and draw her back into his lap.  She sank down onto him, his hardness filling and stretching her so pleasantly Valara threw her head back, anxious for her restlessness to finally be sated.         

She began to move, Luke’s hands holding tightly to her rear, allowing her to arch back as rocked her hips.  Through her Force-sight she could see the the branches of the tree above them, beams of light snaking across the dark dome above.  It was strange, to feel the Force so strongly, beyond Luke’s presence or hers -  as if it was sheltering them.

“V…” Luke called to her throatily, and she didn’t need to ask what he wanted.  She pulled herself back up, pressing her body against his to kiss him deeply.  The force of it pushed him backwards against the trunk of the tree and the contact sent a strange jolt through her, as if it had been her skin scratching against the bark.  

His hands ran up and down her back as his hips bucked into her, sending blossoms of pleasure down her spine and her insides throb with agonising sweetness.

“Luke,” she said breathlessly, pressing closer to him still.  “I love you. I need you.”  She held on tightly to his shoulders, using the leverage to ride him harder and faster.  Luke’s hands grasped her hips to steady the movement, his breathless panting in her ear as he thrust up into her.  

Valara felt it at the back of her mind first, that place where Luke was bonded to her, the connection they had forged over the past few years.  But as they joined together, as she felt him move deep inside her that bond seemed to flourish and strengthen greater than before.  She could feel the tree as well, and power of the Force which seeped from it, surrounding and cocooning them.

Their mouths moulded together, tongues sliding against against each other as they kissed endlessly, hands caressing and kneading, the movement of their bodies becoming frantic as they flew towards completion which remained just out of reach.  

Valara let go of all resistance, allowing the Force and Luke’s presence within it to flood her.  It was almost overwhelming as their souls converged, and for a fleeting moment Valara saw through his eyes unimpeded.  She saw the tree, branches covered with green leaves forming a canopy above them, moonlight streaming in through the open windows and the stars glittering in the dark skies.  She saw herself, face flushed and lips parted, eyes clouded over indicating her blindness.  

She pulled back with a gasp, a tear rolling down her cheek.  Luke reached for her, pulling her down into a kiss.

“It’s alright V,” he murmured against her lips, hand finding her breast and squeezing lightly.  “Stay with me.”  His mind touched against hers again but this time she did not pull away, accepting all of the love her poured into her and sharing hers with him as they merged in the Force.  She could feel every inch of him hard inside her, his electrifying touch, his warm lips and taste that was sun and sand and glory.   

Valara let out a keening cry as they reached the peak together, the suddenness of it taking them both by surprise.  Luke pressed his face between her breasts as his hands clutched her back, and Valara embraced him tightly about the neck, holding him close as the light overwhelmed her.  She felt his pleasure as well as her own, that joy of release and exhaustion continuing to dance underneath her skin for several minutes.  

They continued to hold each other, reluctant to disengage either physically or through their fortified bond in the Force.  Valara stroked Luke’s hair as he lazily kissed her breasts, and she sighed with contentment.  For once she had no thought beyond that moment, no desire or wish that could dampen the her happiness.  

Luke was right, she realised - all they needed was each other.  


	26. Chapter 26

**14 ABY, Organa-Solo apartment, Coruscant**

Han Solo lounged back on the bed, propped up against the headboard as he watched his wife pace the room. Leia had a comm unit attached to her ear and she'd been making a succession of calls all night to her various contacts. Her shoulders were held high with extreme tension, her arms crossed tight over her chest and the skirt of her white gown whipping about her legs due to the force with which she walked.

"I've been chasing this through an asteroid field for weeks," Leia said shortly. "I just need confirmation, I don't care if it's official or not. This is not for political purposes, it's personal." She pursed her lips as she listened to the response on the other end. "Personal means I don't want to tell you exactly why."

Han got up off the bed, walking over to Leia and rubbing her back in comfort, gratified when she stopped pacing and relaxed slightly. Often he felt completely inadequate when it came to these sorts of things - if Leia needed information the unofficial way he was usually able to provide it either through his own knowledge or through contacts he'd made over the years. Han had spent years accumulating favours which had paid off more than once, and even his racing career had yielded friends in high and low places - people trackside liked to show off.

"Alright." Leia sighed. "No, that's all I need to know. Thank you." She unclipped the ear comm and turned to Han with worry. "Brendol Hux has no official position in the Empire - as far as they are concerned he disappeared after the the Accords.."

"Could they be lying?" Han asked. "Trying to save face?"

"No," Leia shook her head. "I trust this source. Besides, if they were hiding him he wouldn't have turned up at the Senate out of the blue. Hux didn't just come across Ben, he was looking for him."

"But why?"

"Hux ran the secret academies during the Empire," Leia reminded him, "training grounds for the Inquisitorius and other sinister orders. I don't know what he's planning or who he's working for, but I know in my bones Ben is in danger."

If there was one thing Han didn't doubt, it was Leia's intuition. If she had that proverbial bad feeling, he wasn't about to argue with her.

"So what do we do?" he asked. The last thing he wanted was to have a security detail following Ben around - the kid had enough trouble fitting in as it was.

Leia sighed deeply, and then lifted her gaze. "We can send him to Luke."

No, Han corrected himself, _that_ was the last thing he wanted. "Don't you think that's a bit...drastic?"

"Yes, it is," Leia said calmly, which Han took as a very bad sign. "But we need to act first, and decisively.

"You sound like a general," he teased her, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. "But the war is over, Leia."

"Is it?" Leia turned away, and Han let his arms drop uselessly to his sides. "A part of me fears that it won't ever end, not really."

Knowing only a fraction of the nonsense she had to deal with in the Senate, Han wasn't about to argue that point. Sometimes it gave him sleepless nights, the worry for Ben - he was already showing such power in the Force, even Han could see it. He couldn't deny that in his darkest moments the spectre of Darth Vader loomed, and could never quite be dismissed.

"Besides, he wants to go," Leia added, turning back around to face him. "He wants to learn."

"He wants frizzberry icecream three times a day as well," Han pointed out. "He's not old enough to know what's best for him."

"He needs training." Leia wrung her hands together, uncharacteristically unsettled.

"You have the Force too Leia," he reminded her, taking her hands and rubbing them gently between his own. "Just as much as Luke does. You could teach him control, just until he's older."

Leia looked up at him, determination in her deep brown eyes. "But I can't protect him - on Devaron he will be safe."

"I don't doubt it," Han said. "But he's _our_ son, Leia."

Her eyes flashed, and she ripped her hands from his grip. "Do you think this isn't killing me?" she demanded. "I'm his mother, and a part of me is screaming that he's only safe by my side. But there are darker forces at work here, Han, I can feel it, and as much as I hate this whole situation, I have to admit that he needs guidance that I just can't give him." Her fists clenched tightly, and Han could see the pain etched across her face. "He'll always be under scrutiny here, always watched, always in danger."

She was afraid, Han realised, a sick feeling forming in the pit of his belly. He had never seen Leia afraid, not in all the times they'd stared down what seemed like certain death. Han opened his arms and let Leia come to him, press her cheek against his chest and encircle her arms tightly around his waist. He kissed the top of her head and held her - he may not have the answers for her, may not be able to assuage her fears, but he could do this.

"We'll visit every week," Han conceded, rocking her slightly. "We'll be at that damned Temple so often Ben will be sick of the sight of us."

"I just want what's best for him," Leia whispered, it seemed almost to herself. "In just want him to be safe."

Han stroked her hair and held her close. "I know."

* * *

 

**First Order Base, Unknown Regions**

Brendol Hux stood on the parapet of the trench, watching the machinery below drill deeply down through the crust of the planet and towards the Core. It would take years to expand the Base beyond the barracks and hangars they currently had above ground, to mine the natural resources below the forests and replace them with gleaming black and silver corridors, to harness the energy of the core below and eventually the sun above.

But eventually it would be done, and the Death Star would be nothing in comparison.

"Remember this day son." Hux put a hand on Armitage's shoulder. His son had been a disappointment since the day he was born - the unintended product of an affair, the resemblance to Hux making denials impossible, and the resultant shame he'd faced from other Officers only to willing to rub the indiscretion in his face. But Hux's wife was gone, his lover was gone, and he had a responsibility to the boy who, while illegitimate, was his only heir.

Armitage was eager to please, with no real will of his own other than a desperate desire to prove himself. Hux had treated him more harshly than any their cadet, forcing the sliver of potential to flourish through sheer force. After all, a piece of rock could never become a gemstone without heat and absolute pressure, and although he was still a thin, reedy boy of fourteen, Hux was determined to burden the child until he evolved. If not, he would be crushed.

"Our victory begins now," Hux said, squeezing Armitage's shoulder hard enough to hurt, and was pleased when his son did not flinch.

"The victory began a long time ago," a deep, raspy voice came from behind, and Hux turned.

"Lord Snoke," Hux greeted him, and then nudged his son to stand at attention. "You honour us with your presence."

After the signing of the Galactic Concordance Hux had found himself unwelcome around his former colleagues. He had thought the negotiations had simply been a way to buy time until the Empire was strong enough to strike back against the Rebels and their so-called New Republic. The only pleasure for him had been seeing that chit Valara deliver one of the drafts, and the weakness in her painfully exposed. The Grand Inquisitor had spirited her away from the Academy before Hux had been given the chance to mould her, instead taking that privilege for himself. Sniffing in derision at the memory, Hux knew if she'd remained in his charge the girl would never have defected. She would have been loyal, or died.

But on finding out the other Imperial remnants were content to roll over and allow themselves to be gutted by the Rebels in exchange for peace Hux had been disgusted. His calls for continued aggression had been ignored, and so he'd taken his son, like-minded officers and loyal cadets out into the Unknown Regions.

How Snoke had found him, Hux still wasn't sure. He didn't even really know who Snoke was, other than he was powerful, old, and possessed the same ambitions as Hux. He didn't seem like it, of course, his species indeterminate, his face white and deformed as if he'd been broken down and rebuilt a hundred times. He was at least two metres tall, looming over Hux who was not used to looking up.

Snoke had been a Grand Admiral once, and before that Palpatine's secret protege. He'd gone by another name then, one Hux had heard whispered on occasion although what he did to earn his station no one knew. It had been Snoke, he'd discovered later, that had arranged for his and Armitage's evacuation from Arkanis before the Rebels took it in their rampage towards Jakku. Hux was important, Snoke had told him, and since he'd always held the same opinion it was an easy alliance to forge.

"You will be pleased to hear that your visit to Coruscant was productive," Snoke said, black eyes on the drill as it pierced another place in the hard rock. "It has made the boy curious."

Hux had never understood the ways of the Jedi, although he had appreciated the discipline of their academies, taking the chosen few when they were small and indoctrination easy. The next generation of soldiers for the First Order had already begun their training in the barracks and halls of the Base, their only purpose to serve.

But the late Palpatine had been gifted with the Force, and so Hux saw no reason to interfere with Snoke and his dark side acolytes if it helped their cause.

"When do you plan to take him?" Hux asked, looking forward to having the young Solo in his grasp. _That_ was a boy with a fierce will.

"That is not my plan," Snoke said, and Hux hid his surprise. "An abduction will only make him defiant." Snoke folded his spindly fingers together and gave a gaping, black smile. "No, I must turn his mind before I steal his soul - let him know that I am the only one he can trust, the only one who will tell him the truth. Then, he will come to me."

Hux inclined his head in deference. "Then I leave it to you, Lord Snoke."

* * *

 

**Jedi Temple, Devaron**

Luke watched his wife as she prepared for bed. It was the same routine every night, a succession of steps as she moved from the closet, to the refresher, to the dressing table, counting each stride in her head. Luke was always sure never to move anything from its appointed place so that when she reached for something she could always be sure that it was there. He watched as she picked up a brush without needing to feel for it, and began to sweep it through her hair. It had grown long over the past few years, falling halfway down her back in soft brown waves, the brush moving softly through them with an even pace.

It was the small moments like this that Luke lived for - whatever was happening outside in the Temple, their room was a cocoon, a buffet against the storm. Of course, they could never fully escape.

"I had a call from Leia today," he began softly, uncertain of how she was going to react to the news.

"Is she well?" Valara asked. "I heard Han won another racing title."

"He did, and she is," Luke smiled, although it was a little pained. Best to get it over with, he decided. "She asked if Ben can come here to train. He'll be arriving next week."

Valara's hand stilled, the brush halfway through her hair. Her face was turned away from him, but Luke could feel a spike of her displeasure through the Force. "Just like that?" she asked, her voice deceptively even. "Without even asking me?"

"Would you really have me refuse my sister?"

Valara sighed, placing the brush back down on the dressing table and turning around to face him. "No," she said begrudgingly. "But isn't he a bit young? I thought you were adamant about not taking children away from their families."

"Well, we are his family too," Luke reminded her. "And Han and Leia will visit often. He's desperate to come apparently, and Leia says she's felt uneasy about the dark influences." Luke hesitated, the next words even harder to say.

"What is it?" Valara stood and crossed the room, taking a seat on the bed beside him. "Tell me."

"Hux was there," he told her, taking her hand and squeezing it lightly. "On Coruscant - Leia found him talking to Ben."

Luke could almost feel the chill that must have run down Valara's spine - her face was impassive, the red scars around her eyes stark against her pale skin, but underneath the surface he could sense a swirl of fear. Valara's throat worked as she swallowed and then blinked twice in succession.

"He wants him," she said, her voice like lead. "Ben is exactly the kind of child Hux would have chosen for his cadets, or taken to the Inquisitors."

"Leia thinks he'll be safer here," Luke caressed Valara's cheek, hoping his soft touch would help quell her painful memories. "And that training will help him better protect himself as well."

"Well that's one thing we can agree on," Valara's unease dissipated as quickly as it had come. "The kid needs boundaries, to be somewhere his abilities are not unique." She took his hand on her cheek and kissed his palm, then tugged on it lightly. "Now shove over," she said playfully.

Luke shifted to his side of the bed and pulled back the covers so they could settle themselves underneath. He took Valara in his arms, brushing dark hair back from her face.

"I'll be able to give him one on one training here," he told her. In fact, he was rather looking forward to it.

"And are you sure you'll have time?" Valara smiled as if she had a secret. "What if in a few months you find yourself with more...pressing responsibilities?"

Luke's brow furrowed. "What greater responsibility could I have than training my nephew to be a Jedi?"

Valara laughed to herself and the turned over, pressing her face against the pillow. "Good night, Luke."

"What is it?" Luke spooned her, his arm skirting her side and coming to rest gently on her belly in a position that had become almost instinctive. It was unlike his wife to be coy, usually she told him exactly what she was thinking.

"You've got good instincts, Luke," she said, resting her hand over his. "Surely you can sense it?"

Luke's heart skipped a beat as he caught her meaning. He stretched out through the Force, past Valara's own distinctive and familiar presence to find a small burst of light in her womb.

"You're going to be a father, Red Five," Valara said with a teasing lilt, turning back around in his arms to accept his kiss. Luke didn't know it was possible to feel so much joy at once, his heart fit to burst as he held Valara tightly, his mind already racing with plans and dreams. He had reconciled himself to the likelihood that it would never happen for them - sometimes life was like that, and Luke had always found a way to move past disappointment and focus on what he did have to be grateful for.

"How do you feel?" Luke asked, pulling back in case he was crushing her. He stroked her hair back again as she gave him an amused smile. "Do you need anything?"

Valara laughed and poked him lightly in the belly. "You're going to be a right mother avian, aren't you?"

"Can't help it," Luke grinned, his hand pressing lightly against her belly. "This little one is going to be the most loved kid in the galaxy." He felt a fierce wave of affection, for both his wife and the child who was already everything to him.

"I don't doubt it." Valara bit her lip, and Luke felt her apprehension, and prodded her to speak.

"I never had a mother" she said with a sigh. "Or anything resembling a healthy parental figure. I know how to teach, but I'm not sure I can nurture."

Luke knew better than to dismiss her fears - they weren't unfounded. "Look how far you've come in the past few years," he told her softly. "I don't think anyone really knows what they're doing when they have a child - Leia says half the time it's just stumbling through, hoping you're doing the right thing. And we'll be in this together, just like with everything else."

Valara reached up to touch his face, as she often did when they were alone, tracing the dent in his cheek where bone had been shattered by the wampa attack, brushing across the crease in his forehead, following the line of his jaw and the cleft in his chin. It had become one of her many routines, soothing to them both when she would finally press her fingers to his mouth and he would smile for her.

"You, me and baby Skywalker," she said, pulling him down to her. "Sounds like a good team."


	27. Chapter 27

**15 ABY, Jedi Temple, Devaron**

Her X-Wing was being temperamental. Valara ran her hands over the hull as if she could discern the problem through touch alone. She knew every dent, every plane, every inch of the starfighter she had spent years rebuilding, and there were few things that gave her more pleasure than spending hours slowly and diligently working. Let Luke keep his morning meditations, she did her best thinking in the hangar.

Valara rubbed her distended belly, shifting the weight between her aching feet. She felt like a purrgil, lumbering and swollen between star systems. The baby had dropped, and Valara felt utterly graceless as she waddled around the Temple, glowering her discomfort at everyone she passed. She had come down to work on her X-Wing to get her mind off the ache in her back which had left her unable to sleep much the previous night.

Luke didn't know their child was a girl - he'd wanted it to be a surprise, even when Valara hadn't been able to resist reaching out to the life inside of her. He'd always had greater willpower, she'd conceded, but had enjoyed teasing him in the past months, hinting one way or the other. But even that had worn thin and Valara found herself agitated, overheated, and above all bone tired.

"When are you going to come out little one?" Valara asked softly, rubbing circular motions over her belly. "I think we've waited long enough." The baby kicked as if in defiance, and Valara let out a huff of air. "Alright," she said with a strain which turned into a chuckle. "At least I know you've got spirit."

At the back of her mind Valara felt a twinge, and she lifted her head to turn her attention back to her ship without acknowledging the intruder.

"Aunt V?" Ben's voice behind her, somewhat hesitant. She could hear the slight scuffle of his boots against the floor, as if not sure of his welcome.

"What is it Ben?" As always, she was careful to keep her voice soft and not betray the annoyance she felt at being interrupted.

"Can...can I help you with your ship?"

Valara turned. Ben was bright in the Force, not to the extent that Luke was of course, but the boy had his own unique light she had grown used to. However, there was often a ripple, a shimmer through her Force-sight that Valara told herself was due to his youth. As strong in the Force as he was, Ben wasn't quite formed yet.

"Of course," she said evenly. "But why aren't you training with the others?"

"Uncle Luke is with Laisha and Maliak."

"Well, they'll both be knighted soon, and are preparing for their final tests." It was a big moment for Luke as well as his two apprentices - the first of the new generation of Jedi Knights. "But there are other things to do in the Temple - like joining the others in their practice?"

Ben sighed loudly. "I don't want to bother them."

Valara turned back to her X-Wing under the pretense of grasping the power board which would help her locate electrical faults. Ben was the youngest student in the Temple by some years, and had some trouble relating to the others, prone to sullen moods and a constant need for attention. She had cautioned Luke not to show him favouritism over the others, and perhaps in Ben's young mind that had seemed like a snub.

"Come on then," she said, patting the side of the open cockpit. "Get in here and you can help me check the controls I re-wired yesterday."

She felt a small rush of air as Ben scrambled up and into the cockpit. "Careful now," she cautioned. "Don't break anything."

Ben scoffed. "It's already broken, Aunt V."

"Well, some things have been fixed," she said, although couldn't help but smile as she lightly stroked the hull again. "Do you know the controls?"

"They kind of like the Falcon's," Ben said, and she heard him wiggle in the seat.

"Hmph." Valara scrunched up her nose. "This ship may be a piece of junk now, but she will be great again - the same can't be said for that scrap heap." She felt along her power board until she found the button which corresponded with the ignition. It had taken a while to memorise the program, but it had become second nature to her.

"Did that light up?" she asked as she pressed down.

"Yep," Ben confirmed. "That's to start the flight sequence, right?"

"Right," Valara smiled, and pressed another button. "And this one's to activate the targeting computer."

"Nothing happened," Ben told her, although Valara had already confirmed that when he hadn't heard the familiar whirl of the control.

"Alright," she sighed. "That needs work."

"How do you know which wires to connect?"

"Practice," she said, tapping him lightly on the nose before reaching for her toolkit and withdrawing pliers. "Focus, and precision. I've gotten a few electric shocks in the process though," she warned him, leaning over him in the cockpit to access the panel beside the targeting computer. It was somewhat difficult with her rounded belly, and it always took a few moments to get into the right position but Valara was determined not to let even her advanced pregnancy interfere with work on her ship.

"Watch, and don't touch," she said, pulling out two of the wires.

It was easy to fall into instructor mode, explaining the work as she did it, allowing him to help her visually. It was quite companionable, and for a moment Valara saw why Luke always described him as a sweet child - once the pout went away and Ben was truly engaged, he asked intelligent questions. Buoyed by their progress, Valara tried to show him how to reach out with the Force to feel the mechanics of the ship.

"She has no heartbeat or blood," Valara said softly, pressing Ben's hand to the control panel. "She is not a living being like you and I, but if you concentrate she can help you understand her."

Valara felt Ben reach out, his concentration extreme. After a few minutes, however, he pulled his hand away and huffed. "I can't feel anything."

"You barely tried," Valara tried to keep from scolding him, but failed. "You can't expect to be good at everything right away."

"I just don't get machines," Ben said, audibly shifting in the pilot's seat. "I'm not good at flying, either."

"I thought your father took you flying in the Falcon?" Valara leaned back out of the cockpit, sensing that no more work would be done.

"He tried to teach me." There was shimmer in the Force presence. "I disappointed him."

"I'm sure that's not true," Valara protested, putting a hand on Ben's shoulder. She could imagine Han being surprised that Ben hadn't inherited his natural gift for flying, but she couldn't imagine him being disappointed. Perhaps Han had simply not wanted to place expectations on Ben that he must be a pilot like his father, uncle and grandfather, but in not pressing the issue Ben had taken it as rejection.

"Luke says you've got a real gift for telekenisis," she added, trying to bolster his spirits. "Some things will come easy to you, like second nature. Others you have to work at, and I can tell you from experience, it's those achievements that are the most rewarding."

Ben didn't say anything, but she could sense that he didn't exactly take her words to heart. He was a child to which everything had come easy; he had loving parents who doted on him, a talent in the Force greater than any other students at the Academy, and a diligent teacher in Luke. Sometimes Valara wanted to take him by the shoulders and shake some sense into the boy - didn't he realise how lucky he was? She'd had no such advantages as a child, and when she thought back to the half-starved girl in the orphanage who'd been told every day how insignificant and worthless she was…

But Valara always had to remind herself that he was still a child, and she should be thankful that he didn't suffer the same life she'd had. Ben was looking at her, she could feel his probing gaze even if she couldn't see it and wondered if he was peeking into her mind.

"I'll let you practice in my simulator if you like," Valara said, forcing brightness into her voice. "So the next time you see your father you can show him how much you've learned."

"Yeah, okay." Ben didn't sound too enthused, and Valara tried not to take offence. The dull ache in her back had increased and Valara waddled over to the stool by the left wing, sighing as she sat down. A spasm went through her abdomen, and Valara winced.

"Are you okay, Aunt V?" In a few moments Ben was at her side.

"Fine," Valara said through clenched teeth.

"Is the baby coming?"

"I don't know." Valara rubbed her belly again. Aya was an elderly Mirialan woman who'd come to the Temple to learn to use the Force for healing. She'd agreed to act as midwife and had been extremely patient with Valara's persistent questions over the last months. Aya had mentioned that it could be difficult to know the difference between normal contractions and actual labor, and even the early stages of the latter could take hours.

"Are you ready to meet your cousin?" Valara asked, trying to keep herself distracted.

Another shimmer in Ben's Force presence, but this one quickly smoothed away. "Maybe I can teach her when she's older," he said. "She can be my apprentice."

Valara smiled thinly, knowing that she wouldn't trust anyone but Luke with her daughter. "Perhaps," she lied. "If she wants to be a Jedi."

"Why wouldn't she?" Ben's confusion was obvious, as if he'd never considered that any other path was possible.

"I'm not a Jedi," Valara reminded him. "It's not the only path."

"But you're not a real Skywalker," Ben said shortly and Valara leaned back, somewhat stunned. "I mean, by blood," he added quickly. "But the baby will be the grandchild of the Chosen One just like me - it's her destiny."

"Your mother isn't a Jedi either," Valara pointed out. "She uses her gifts in different ways."

She heard Ben's boots scuffle against the floor again. "I asked her why she didn't let Uncle Luke train her more, but she never really wants to talk about it."

Valara grimaced, knowing exactly why Leia wanted to avoid that subject. "I think she'd say she does far more good in the Senate than she could here."

"How can that be true through?" Ben asked. "Jedi are needed more than senators. And then Mom could move here."

Rubbing her belly again, Valara was beginning to see that his concerns ran deeper. "I know you miss them," she said softly. "And monthly visits just aren't the same. You can go home if that's what you want, and start your training when you're older."

"No." Ben's voice was firm. "I want to learn now."

Valara shifted in her seat, unable to find a comfortable position. "How did you know about the Chosen One prophecy?" she asked, unable to shake his earlier words. "Did Luke tell you?"

"I've been looking in the archives," Ben said, and Valara could sense him become guarded. "When Uncle Luke told me what a great Jedi he'd been I wanted to know more."

"I see." Valara carefully fortified her mind, to ensure that Ben didn't pick up on any wayward thoughts. She knew how deeply it cut Luke not to be able to share the full extent of his father's story with Ben, but she certainly understood Leia's position. Valara wasn't sure she would want her daughter knowing about Anakin - let alone her own dark past.

"I've read all the mission reports from the Clone Wars," Ben gushed. "And watched all the holos - Anakin was fantastic! I want to be a great Jedi like he was."

"Or you could try being a great Jedi on your own terms," Valara suggested.

"I've got a lot to live up to," was Ben's response, and Valara was almost grateful she felt another cramp. She wasn't sure if it was longer than the first one, but it gave her the perfect opportunity to extract herself from the conversation.

"Help me up." She held out her hand to Ben who grasped it and her elbow, assisting her to stand. "Let's go find Aya."

* * *

Luke ran through the halls of the Temple, taking the stairs two at a time up to the infirmary. He'd been out in the forest until nightfall and returned to find Ben waiting for him at the entrance where he'd evidently been posted as lookout. Valara had been in labor for some time already, and on hearing the news Luke bolted, leaving Laisha, Maliak and Ben behind.

He burst through the doors of the room and saw Valara leaning against the wall by the window where the moonlight streamed in, highlighting the sheen of sweat on her face. She was breathing heavily and her exhaustion radiated through the Force.

"V." Luke was at her side in an instant, brushing the wet hair back from her forehead and lightly placing his hand on her back. "Why didn't you have someone come and get me?"

Valara turned to him and laughed. "I'm being true to form."

Aya approached and gave him a warm smile. "There is some time to go yet, Luke, you haven't missed anything."

"Except my constant swearing," Valara said, but her face soon contorted with pain and she let out a cry. Luke took her into his arms, her hands clasping behind his neck and face burying into his shoulder.

"I'm here," Luke whispered, gently rubbing her back and reaching out through the Force. The intensity of her pain shocked him slightly but he did not flinch, soothing and taking some of it from her as Valara sighed with relief.

"I'm glad," she said, and held him tighter.

A few hours later, not much progress had been made and Valara's opinion changed. She screamed and cried through her contractions, pushing him away as she wandered aimlessly around the infirmary.

"I can't do this," she sobbed, grasping the edge of the medcot and leaning forward. Aya lay her olive-green hands on Valara's belly and Luke felt completely useless.

"All is well, Valara," she said, her voice light and motherly. "It is just taking time."

Valara shook her head, taking in sharp breaths. "No." She pushed herself off the cot and lumbered towards the door. "No, I have to leave."

Luke blocked her way, lightly grasping her by the shoulders. "V, you can't run from this."

"Yes I can," she said through tears, and Luke wondered if a delirium had taken hold of her.

"Valara, look at me." Luke gently raised her chin until her eyes met his. He often did that, believing that in her own way she could see him. "You promised never to run, remember?

"I've been through worse pain than this," she told him, her hands tightly grasping his biceps. "So why can't I do it?"

"You are doing it," he said, reaching out through the Force to envelop her.

"No, I can't," she shook her head again. "I can't be a mother, I don't know how."

"I'm scared, too." Luke brought her back into his embrace, stroking her hair. "It's uncharted territory for both of us, and I'm so afraid of failing."

"How could you," Valara huffed. "You're perfect, you bastard."

Luke chuckled. "Far from it, as you well know."

"I love you," she said hoarsely and lifted her face, her mood swinging back again. "I love you so much, Luke."

He kissed her lightly, drinking in her agony tempered with pure joy, sharing his own love back with her. Valara clutched at him as another contraction shook her, and Luke had to hold her tightly to stop her sinking to the floor.

"They're getting closer now," Aya touched Valara's shoulder lightly. "Did you want to move to the birthing chair?"

"No." Valara looked up at Luke with her cloudy gaze. "I want to go upstairs."

"Upstairs?" Luke repeated, taking to moment to catch her meaning. "To the tree?"

Valara nodded, and smiled for the first time in hours. He glanced over her shoulder to Aya, who indicated her consent - she'd spoken to Luke previously about letting Valara guide her own childbirth as long as it was safe. Luke realised his wife was reaching out to the Force voluntarily for guidance and comfort, and wanted to be where it was the strongest, where their child had been conceived.

"Alright." Luke cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead.

* * *

The light of dawn was streaming in by the time Luke held his daughter in his arms. He couldn't quite believe that the tiny baby was real, the warm sun on her pale cheeks almost giving her an unearthly glow. He could feel her presence in the Force already, like a ray of light streaming through his heart. The Force was all around them, in the tree which had watched over the child's birth, in Valara, in Luke, and now in their daughter. He'd never felt it so strongly.

"What does she look like?" Valara asked, still breathing heavily as Aya helped her to lay against the pillows they'd brought up from the infirmary and propped up beside the Force tree.

"She's beautiful," Luke brushed his fingers over his daughter's crown as he returned to Valara's side. "Dark hair like you, my love." He lay the baby against his wife's chest, and her arms folded around the child instinctively.

"You did it," he said, pressing a kiss to her cheek, and he didn't remember when he'd ever been so happy.

"Now comes the hard part." Valara's shaking fingers traced the baby's features.

"That wasn't it?" Luke laughed, although he knew what she meant. He lay his hand protectively on the baby, wanting to hold them both close and never let go.

"So, Red Five," Valara looked up at him, a grin starting to form. "What should we call her?"

Luke looked out towards the sun filtering in through the branches and leaves of the tree above them. When he turned his gaze back and touched his daughter's cheek, he knew the perfect choice.

"Rey."


	28. Chapter 28

**17 ABY, Tikaroo, Devaron**

The small town of Tikaroo was hardly a hub of activity, but market days ensured that the small streets were fuller than usual. Valara always chose that time for her weekly walk into town, the increased bustle of activity making her Force-sight clearer with figures of light ambling around her. The rest of the town she knew well, the landing platform at one end of the plateau and farmland on the other, a cluster of buildings therebetween including a few homes, a ship repairs workshop and a well-frequented pub. On market days temporary stalls were set up in the town square primarily for the farmers to trade goods and produce with one another, although there were a smattering of local arts and crafts directed towards the occasional tourist trade and those that wandered down from the Temple.

Valara hiked Rey further up on her hip as she walked into the town, mentally counting her steps. "Can you walk now Rey-bey?" she asked the child. "Mummy's arms are getting tired."

Rey squirmed in her arms but loosened her grip around Valara's neck. "Yep."

Valara set her down thankfully but kept hold of the child's hand. "Don't run off," she warned her, and they slowly made their way through the crowd. Rey was speedy when left to her own devices, toddling quickly through the Temple and giggling when chased, but when forced to hold an adult's hand she almost seemed to walk deliberately slowly, as if it was her own brand of defiance.

It wasn't as if they were in a hurry, but Valara had always walked purposefully and it took great effort to temper her strides.

"Pika." Rey tugged on Valara's hand. "Pika."

Valara groaned inwardly - someone must have brought a domesticated pikhron to market. Rey was fascinated by animals, and Valara knew if they stopped the child would spend ages petting the creature and trying to make it her friend.

"Maybe later," Valara lied, having every intention of distracting Rey until she forgot about the animal. "We have to go see Yima, don't you remember?"

"Yima!" Rey stopped her resistance and allowed herself to be directed through the market to a dwelling on the far side. It was a freestanding building which functioned as a general store, owned by an elderly native Devaronian who spent her days propped up on a small bench outside, watching the comings and goings of Tikaroo.

"Valara," Yima greeted as they approached. "You're later than I expected, it's almost noon."

"Ah, well," Valara sank gratefully down on the bench. "I had a time wrangling this one, she just didn't want to put on her shoes today."

"And how are you, Rey, my little pet?" Yima's voice took on a sweetness reserved only for children. "Come here and give old Yima a hug."

Rey giggled, and Valara released her hand as she bounded over to accept Yima's embrace. She heard a rustle of paper that she had no doubt was a sweet being unwrapped.

"You'll spoil her with those," Valara grumbled more out of habit than anything else.

"Oh, hush," Yima said. "The girl needs a bit of spoiling."

"What do you say?" Valara prompted, touching Rey's arm lightly.

"Ta," she said obediently through a mouth full of sweet.

"I have your usual order inside," Yima said, as Valara heard Rey audibly chewing - whatever the old woman had given her, it was sticky. "But can I interest you in a drink before you go?"

Valara smiled - she'd not once turned down the offer so far. "Of course."

"Boy!" Yima bellowed to her assistant inside the shop. "Bring the order and a cup of vinejuice." The boy must have been expecting the instruction, for Valara heard his light footsteps approach and felt a filled canvas bag brush by her leg. She held out her hand and he carefully placed a cool metal cup into her grip.

"Thank you." Valara took a long sip as the boy retreated back inside. "Still the best moonshine in Tikaroo."

"Compared to the swill they serve over at the pub at least." Yima tapped her staff into the earth idly. That got Rey's attention, and she scrambled off the old woman's lap to croach on the ground and examine it. Valara watched for a few moments, her daughter a bright burst of light in the Force and so familiar to her that she could easily see her movements.

"So any news? Valara asked, taking another sip of vinejuice.

"There was a bounty hunter snooping around the other day," Yima said. "Said he was a trader of Imperial artifacts, thought Luke might want to have a look at them. Saw right through him, though, he wasn't looking to trade."

Valara felt her blood run cold, and she reached down to smooth Rey's hair. The child was happily babbling away to herself, drawing patterns in the earth and Valara quickly hid her fear so Rey would not sense it.

"Any idea what they were looking for?" Valara asked. "Or who?"

"'Fraid not," Yima sighed. "Warned him off right good, although I'm sure he got a great deal of false information from those blustering idiots at the pub."

Forcing a smile, Valara tried to quell her unease. There was a reason she and Luke guarded their privacy - even the knowledge of Rey's existence could be dangerous, and there was still the looming threat to Ben.

"Let me know if you see him again."

"Of course." Yima patted her hand. "Other than enjoying your company, my dear, the Temple has revitalised this town - if it wasn't for all the new customers I'd have to go live out in the forest with the Elders."

"Farnay seems to enjoy it," Valara pointed out with a smile.

"Nice girl," Yima agreed. "But I prefer stone walls and new blood. Like this one," he said, the scratch of her cane against the ground pointing her in the right direction. "Fresh off the transport."

"Hello," a youngish sounding voice greeted them. "I wonder if you could help me, I'm looking for Luke Skywalker."

"Aren't we all," Yima said, elbowing Valara lightly. "The man owes me eighty credits from last week's sabacc game."

"Oh." The sound was enough to convey deep confusion and surprise. "I mean, I'm looking for the Temple."

"So, you want to be a Jedi." Valara assessed the girl, whose presence in the Force indicated a mild strength and no deceit.

"Yes ma'am." The sound of the girl's boots clicking to attention made Valara smile - she was probably New Republic military. "I docked my Y-Wing at the depot because the Temple's landing bays appear to be unregistered. I couldn't get a visual either."

"That Temple's had a history," Yimi told her. "But Master Skywalker is smart, has a cloaking device over the place now - you can't land there unless you've got clearance codes. Likes his privacy, does Master Skywalker."

"Yes, they say that," the girl said absently, and her Force presence shifting, indicating she had dropped to one knee. "Is this your daughter?" she asked.

"Yes." Valara reached down and touched Rey's shoulder protectively.

"What's your name little one?" the girl asked. "I'm Sesha."

"Rey."

"Aren't you pretty?" Sesha enthused. "You look just like your Mama."

Rey giggled, easily won over by captive attention. Valara eased her grip, sensing no ill will and not wanting her daughter to grow up to be a suspicious and solitary child like she had been.

"How old are you, Rey?" Sesha asked, practically cooing. "Two?" she said, after Rey must have held up her fingers.

"Not quite," Valara chuckled softly.

"You're just smart for your age, huh?" Sesha continued, and audibly rustled through a bag or pack she had with her. "Here, would you like this?"

"It's a small wooden puzzle," Yima murmured to Valara.

"They make them on Gianisilla, my homeworld," Sesha explained. "You slide the pieces like this," she instructed, and soon Rey was happily playing with the toy.

"Can I get to the Temple on foot?" Sesha asked as she stood again.

"Getting there isn't the problem," Yima's voice was noticeably softer. "Getting inside is another matter - they say there's some kind of test at the entrance, and only the pure of heart can enter."

Valara grinned - baiting tourists was one of Yimi's favourite pastimes, and it was certainly worth the listen. Her words weren't strictly a lie, if "pure of heart" was taken from a certain point of view.

"I thought...they said Master Skywalker would accept anyone who wanted to learn." Sesha sounded a bit worried.

"If they write to him, yes," Yimi told her. "He'll often come to greet the transports if he knows who's coming. But he's not going to let every ruffian who wanders by into the only Jedi sanctum in the galaxy, is he? Not after what happened to his predecessors."

"I suppose that makes sense. I'm sure I'll pass the test."

"Well you can hire a local guide at the pub over there, just don't let them talk you into game hunting, it's illegal."

"Oh." This time Sesha sounded disappointed. "I'm running somewhat short of funds, I had to refuel unexpectedly and-"

"That's alright," Valara cut her off. "I'll take you if you like."

"Oh, do you train at the Temple?"

"No, but I live there." Valara leant down to grasp Rey's hand. "We've got a few errands to run but meet me back here in an hour and we'll head back."

"Oh, I'll help you if you like," Sesha said.

Valara didn't like at all, but she'd learned to deal with over-eager youth. "Fine," she sighed. "You can start by carrying that bag."

* * *

Some time later they set off into the jungle, Sesha laden down with Valara's purchases. The girl hadn't stopped talking since they'd met, and Valara only half-listened to her stories of a childhood reading stories of the Jedi, of joining the New Republic Y-Wing corps where her commander had suggested she might be Force sensitive.

"So here I am," Sesha said, keeping pace with Valara's quick strides. "To see if he was right."

Rey had gone to sleep in Valara's arms and so she chose not to answer, hoping Sesha would allow a bit of silence. She got a reprieve of perhaps thirty seconds.

"Does Master Skywalker really owe that woman credits from a sabacc game?"

Valara smiled to herself. "No."

Sesha exhaled. "I thought not."

"I can tell you from experience, Luke's a much better player than that." Valara's cheeks felt pleasantly warm at the memories.

"You mean...he actually plays?" The girl sounded incredulous.

"Sesha, you'll find that Luke Skywalker does a lot of things you wouldn't expect."

Rey stirred at her father's name. "Daddy," she said sleepily.

"Yes, darling." Valara stroked her hair. "We'll see him soon."

Sesha seemed not to notice, or at least Valara did not sense increased scrutiny in the Force or anything which indicated the girl had noticed the connection.

"It's just, he's this legend," Sesha was stuck on the topic. "I know he was a pilot, but everyone talks about him like he was some kind of god. I guess I never thought of him as…"

"Just a man who plays sabacc in his spare time?" Valara finished for her. It was a conversation she had with half the people who came to the Temple, expecting no less than true enlightenment from Luke. She knew how heavily that burdened him, that in even in their solitude he could not escape his infamy and the weight of expectation.

She felt a flush of embarrassment from Sesha - who had the worst natural shields Valara had ever come across.

"Silly, isn't it?" Sesha gave a nervous laugh, and Valara shifted Rey in her arms trying to ease the weight. Her child shifted and sighed, but soon settled back against her shoulder.

"Yes," Valara agreed. "But not uncommon."

"I'm glad I met you first," Sesha enthused. "So I don't make a fool out of myself in front of Master Skywalker."

She really should just tell the girl, Valara told herself, take pity on her youth and ignorance so she would understand.

"If you're not a Jedi, why do you live at the Temple?" Sesha asked.

"My husband is a Jedi." Not a lie, although not the whole truth either.

"Oh, that's great," Sesha said. "I mean, I read all about the non-attachment rules the old Jedi had. I think Master Skywalker has done the right thing getting rid of them. I'm not sure I could give that kind of thing up."

Valara smiled to herself - no doubt most of Luke's other students felt the same way. "Have you got someone special in your life?"

"No." Sesha sounded almost sheepish. "But...one day, I hope. Is your daughter Force sensitive?"

"Yes," Valara stroked Rey's hair again. "She's very strong in the Force."

"It's so wonderful that Master Skywalker lets families live at the Temple."

Valara bit her lip to stifle a laugh. "We're here," she said, coming to a stop at the edge of the jungle.

"I don't see anything." Sesha was no doubt looking across the plateau which appeared no different from the rest of the landscape

"Listen," Valara instructed her, and finally the girl fell silent. It was obvious to Valara without concentration - the hum of the generator powering the cloaking device.

"I hear it," Sesha said after several minutes. "So, what do I do?"

"If the Force is with you, you'll know."

* * *

The circular courtyard at the base of the main tower was as tranquil as the day Luke had first found it fifteen years earlier. The fountain had been repaired and now flowed freely, the flagstones cleaned and weeds removed although Luke had let the surrounding gardens continue to grow wild rather than trimming them back to their once-carefully manicured state. He preferred them that way.

Nor had he rebuilt the statues which had once lined the courtyard, bearing faces of great Jedi of old. Luke strongly believed that while respect of past figures helped inspire young Jedi, erecting statues seemed like a kind of vanity he wanted to avoid.

Ben stood by the fountain holding a lightsaber, his eyes tracking the training remote which hovered in front of him. It was easy to see himself in his nephew, although physically they could not be more different - Ben taller than a twelve year old had any right to be, dark hair and eyes with a serious mien. But when Luke had stood on that spot years earlier he'd had the same focus, the same determination to succeed.

"Remember to trust your instincts," Luke advised him. "Let the Force direct you, not the other way around."

"You mean I'm not in control?" Ben asked, and again Luke saw himself, this time on the Falcon asking Obi-Wan if the Force controlled his actions.

"You can always be in control of yourself," Luke advised him. "No matter what, Ben, your choices are always your own. But if you open yourself up to the Force it can work through you to achieve great things."

Ben swung the lightsaber to block a blaster bolt that streaked towards him from the remote. "This doesn't seem that great," he said, blocking another bolt with ease.

"There are many who would think it was," Luke told him sternly. "Always be thankful for your gifts Ben, and mindful of the responsibility they hold." Valara had warned him to temper Ben's pride which could quickly run to arrogance, and Luke was mindful of that advice. But he also knew Ben was on the brink of puberty and didn't want to be too quick to assume danger in normal teenage emotion.

He wondered how the old Jedi Order had dealt with that, although by then the padawans had been through years of vigorous training already. It made him uneasy to think about, the repression of emotion taught so young and Luke had never once questioned his decision not to train children. Ben was the exception, of course, and every day Luke wondered whether he should have persuaded Leia otherwise when she'd asked to send her son to him. The past two years he had been careful not to overwhelm Ben with advanced training - rather he'd focused on control and sensing exercises, together with basic skills such a telekinesis for which Ben had shown great aptitude.

Today was the first lesson with a lightsaber. Ben had been begging for months, and Luke had finally relented after confirming with his wife that he'd sufficiently mastered basic combat technique.

"Try not to shift your blade too much," Luke advised, as Ben was slashing the saber though the air following the movements of the remote. "Centre your focus, and you'll know when to move."

Ben nodded and stilled. Luke could feel the Force flow powerfully through him as he deflected a succession of blaster bolts.

"Well done." Luke waved his hand and disabled the remote, which floated gently down to rest on the stone by Ben's feet. "I think that's enough for today."

"Aw, Uncle Luke, can't we keep going?" Ben asked with more than a hint of a whine. "This is so much fun!"

"I know," he agreed. "But everything in moderation."

A familiar beep sounded from the far side of the courtyard, and Luke turned to see Artoo roll up. He warbled and beeped some more, and Luke laughed.

"What did he say?" Ben asked, shutting down the lightsaber.

"He thinks I'm a hypocrite." Luke walked over to Artoo and placed a hand on the droid's dome fondly. "When I first came here I went four hours straight with that drone."

Ben's eyes widened. "Really?"

"It's not something I would recommend," Luke said, although he still remembered the elation at mastering the skill.

Artoo began to beep again. "Your Aunt and Rey are back," Luke translated for Ben. "And apparently they've brought someone with them." He held out his hand and Ben obediently placed the lightsaber in his palm.

"When do I get to make my own?" he asked, clearly not interested in whoever Valara had brought back from market.

Luke smiled indulgently as he clipped the blade to his belt and turned towards the courtyard entrance. "When I think you're ready."

Valara appeared within a few moments, Rey in her arms and accompanied by a young blonde woman wearing a yellow flightsuit. He felt the returning presence of his wife and daughter through the Force, as always a balm against the wearying day. Rey must have felt it too, for immediately her head popped up from Valara's shoulder and she scrambled out of her grasp, toddling over to Luke with beguiling speed.

"Daddy!" Rey cried as Luke swept her into his arms, giggling uncontrollably as he held her up in the air. She kicked her legs in glee as Luke lifted her higher, and then brought her down to kiss her chubby cheek.

"Hello my Rey of light," Luke said. "Do I get a hug?" In response Rey flung her arms around his neck and held him tightly. "Thank you, my darling," he managed say even though the vehemence of her embrace was crushing his windpipe. He tapped her arm lightly, and she pulled back with a cheeky grin on her face.

"Did you have a good day, my love?" he asked as Valara approached, giving her a light kiss. She rubbed his arm lightly as she often did as if to orient herself, her cloudy eyes looking in his direction but not quite at him.

"I picked up a few things in town," was her reply, the corner of her mouth quirking up into a smile.

"I can see," Luke said, turning his attention to the woman who was still standing at the entrance to the courtyard, nervously shifting from one foot to the other beside some carry bags. He could feel a fierce embarrassment emanating from her.

"Hello." Luke gave a broad smile to try and put her at ease. "Welcome to the Temple of Eedit."

"This is Sesha," Valara beckoned the girl and she scuttled forward with a look of apprehension. "She wants to be a Jedi."

"It's such an honour to meet you, Master Skywalker," Sesha said in a rush which betrayed her nerves.

"Call me Luke," he told her, shifting Rey to one arm and reaching out the other to shake her hand. "You made it through the first test, then?" Finding a way to get past the shield was easy enough for one with the Force - Luke had been inspired by the many Jedi holocrons he'd discovered in his travels and adapted the technology to suit his purposes.

"She did well," Valara answered for her, although Luke detected a slight amusement in his wife he couldn't quite place. "And she's a pilot."

"Oh really?" Luke's interest was piqued.

Sesha nodded, still slightly dumbstruck. "I've docked my Y-Wing in Tikaroo."

"Y-Wing, huh?" Luke shook his head. "Well, we won't hold that against you."

Sesha laughed nervously again, and Luke knew the first thing he would have to teach her was how to shield properly. "I feel a bit stupid," she said, twining her hands together. "I didn't realise you had a family."

"Ah." Luke looked over at his wife and knew by her smile the reason she was so amused. "Well, that's because I want to keep them all to myself"

"Your daughter is beautiful," Sesha continued, smiling at Rey who basked in the attention, pressing her hands to chubby cheeks and giggling.

"She's clever, too," Luke gushed, unable to stop himself when someone opened the door. "Rey," he addressed his daughter. "Where is your...hair?"

Rey immediately lifted her hands to the crown of her head where her dark hair was pulled back. She yanked out the tie and lifted her arms in triumph, mussing up her hair spectacularly. .

"Oh, well done!" Sesha clapped her hands together, and Rey mimicked her, giggling again. "Where are your eyes?"

Rey pointed to her face, then her feet, mouth and elbow as she was bid. When Luke asked where her belly was, she lifted up the rim of her shirt with glee and patted her round little toddler tummy before dissolving into fits of laughter. Luke and Sesha followed suit, although he felt a twinge in the back of his mind and realised Valara had not joined in. He knew how difficult she found it sometimes, not being able to truly see her daughter, to recognise her own features and Luke's in the child they had created together, to see Rey's infectious smile.

"Where's Mommy?" Luke asked Rey, who immediately pointed to Valara. "Where's Ben?" he said next, realising someone else who'd been left out of the conversation. Rey pointed to her cousin, who had been practicing a kata a few feet away and probably trying his best to ignore them. Hearing his name drew his attention however, and he stopped his practice and turned to them.

"My nephew Ben," Luke introduced him. With the poise and etiquette no doubt learned from his mother, Ben came forward and greeted Sesha. It was perfectly polite, if unenthusiastic.

"Ben, would you be able to show Sesha around?" Luke asked him. "They can assign you quarters, and tomorrow we can start."

Sesha seemed surprised. "Just like that?" she asked. "I'm in?"

"This place is for anyone who wants to learn," Luke told her. "I'm still learning myself."

"Thank you, Master Skywalker." Sesha shook his hand again enthusiastically. "I hope I'll see you again soon, Rey."

"Bye-bye." Rey waved her small hand. "Bye-bye."

"Thank you for bringing me, Valara," Sesha said, embarrassment seeping through again. "I'm sorry I assumed, well…" Clearly unable to finish the sentence, she laughed awkwardly and turned back to Ben, who rolled his eyes.

"Come on," he said, taking off in the direction of the main Tower.

"When he shows you the landing bay," Luke said as she left. "Log an empty spot and you can move your Y-Wing there."

When they were safely gone, Luke shifted Rey up on his hip. "So your mother had her fun today, huh?"

"My life would be pretty dull if that constituted fun," Valara said dryly.

"It's not like you to be mean," Luke said more seriously, but Valara laughed.

"Most people would say it's exactly like me."

"And they'd be wrong," Luke said, turning his gaze to Rey who was counting her fingers. "You can be curt, sarcastic, blunt…"

"I love it when you sweet talk me."

"But never mean," Luke pressed on, not about to let her deflect. "Not with a reason."

Rey squirmed in his arms. "Pika!" she called out, pointing towards the edge of the courtyard. "Pika!"

A small herd of pikhrons had appeared, and Luke let Rey down so she could bound over to them. The matriarch was at the head of the pack, turning her large black eyes to Rey and lowering her head so the child to pat her gently. The animals were long-lived, and Luke was certain it was the same female pikhron who had found him in the glade so many years earlier. They had shared a moment then, an understanding in the Force to know that the other would never hurt them. The old beast had even helped save his hide from Sarco Plank, and Luke always kept the courtyard open for them to forage and drink from the cool waters of the fountain.

Rey absolutely loved the beasts, delighting in stroking their soft fur and receiving slobbery kisses. His daughter was a wonder, a being of pure joy who inspired the same in everyone she met, forming natural affinities with ease.

Valara walked over to where Rey was intent on petting the pikhron matriarch, kneeling down beside them and stroking the animal's side, reminding Rey to be gentle. But Luke wasn't going to let her escape the conversation that easily, and he followed.

"Why didn't you just tell that poor girl who you really were?" he pressed, crouching down on the stone.

"And who am I?" Valara asked him. "Luke Skywalker's wife, Rey's mother. Is that all?"

"No," he told her, reaching forward and tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "But part, surely."

"Sometimes I just feel so…" Valara touched the scars at the corner of one eye. "Dependant."

"So...you're trying to revert to that woman who used to push everyone away so she didn't have to risk caring about them?"

Valara smoothed down Rey's hair gently. "No, I wouldn't ever want to go back to that."

It was only then that Luke realised perhaps the issue went deeper - that maybe rather than just having fun with Sesha, Valara had wanted the girl to know her as someone other than his wife. She had few people in her life she was close to - Leia hadn't visited in months and Laisha had left soon after being knighted on her quest to find her lost sisters. There was Yima in Tikaroo, but the town was hardly stimulating. As much happiness as Luke knew he and Rey gave Valara, perhaps she needed something new.

"You know, the Temple's running pretty well now," he said. "Maliak's doing well taking on some teaching duties and his own apprentice. Maybe we could get away, just the three of us."

Valara pulled back Rey's hair and began to plait it idly. "Where?"

"Anywhere," Luke smiled. "We'll go flying, find some interesting planet to explore." He reached out through the Force, touching her mind gently and then enveloping it.

"And what about the Temple?" Valara asked, although he could see she was drawn to the idea. "What about Ben?"

Luke reached for her hand, drawing her to him and into a soft kiss. "They'll both be here when we get back."

Valara pressed her face against Luke's shoulder, and he felt her troubles melt away as he wrapped his arms around her. Rey soon turned her attention back to them, tugging on Luke's sleeve until he let her into the embrace.

He held them both, wishing it could be forever.

* * *

Ben gave Sesha a perfunctory tour of the Temple although she didn't seem to pay much attention, first gushing about meeting Luke and then embarrassed she hadn't handled the event better.

"I feel so stupid," Sesha said, oblivious to Ben's dark mood. "I never thought Master Skywalker would have a family, but I suppose it makes sense."

"I dunno." Ben shrugged. "I think maybe the old Jedi had it right - they didn't have any distractions."

Sesha chuckled. "When I was your age, I thought stuff like that was gross as well."

Ben scowled. No one took him seriously, everyone saw him as just a kid, and even then they preferred baby Rey. Everyone was always going on about how cute she was, how smart she was, how strong in the Force she would be - how with her pedigree she could be the greatest Jedi to ever live. People used to say the same thing about Ben, but he was now painfully aware that in their eyes he had been superseded. That he had inherited his strength from only one side of his family.

They walked down the long corridor to the administrative area. "Go see Madame Sililai in there, she's a Neimoidian and will get everything sorted for you."

"Oh, okay." Sesha beamed at him. "Nice to meet you, Ben."

"You too." Ben turned away before she asked him to help her any further. He didn't like being given tour duty - he was at the Temple to train with his uncle, not show people around. The day had been going so well until Valara and Rey had come back, would it have killed them to stay in town for a while longer? And then everyone had completely forgotten he was even there, it was insulting.

He'd been frustrated by Luke's pace at training him - Ben knew he had the talent and maturity to handle much more than he was being given. In the old days he'd be a padawan by now, accompanying his master on missions - boys his age had fought in the Clone Wars, but Ben was being held back.

As Ben walked to his quarters, he wondered if his uncle was jealous. He'd been nineteen when he'd started his training, and Ben had already outstripped his talents. Luke had said that it had taken him a while to master the training remote in the courtyard, that he'd even struggled opening the latch where the machine had been kept! Ben had been manipulating objects and switches like that since he was a child.

It made sense, Luke was keeping knowledge and training from him because he was intimidated by Ben's potential. That he could be better than Luke, better than precious baby Rey. Ben clenched his fists, his mind made up.

The voice in his head was getting louder. Ben was certain it was his grandfather, reaching out to him from beyond the Force to guide him. But he couldn't have a conversation, couldn't ask questions, only hear whispers. But there was someone who maybe wouldn't be as secretive as his uncle.

Ben knew the Empire had been evil, and that those left behind would always be trying to find some way to get back in power. He'd met a bounty hunter out in the forest, where the voice had directed him to go. The man had given him a gift; a communit with one frequency punched in, and a message from Brendol Hux, the man Ben had met several years earlier on Coruscant.

They were trying to recruit him, Ben knew that. But that didn't mean he couldn't get from them the information he wanted, especially when Hux's message had been that their leader knew the ways of the Force. Would he tell Ben all the secrets his uncle was keeping from him? He had to find out, and knew he was smart enough not to be influenced by their lies.

Locking the door of his room, Ben barricaded his mental shields so no one, not even his uncle, could possibly sense what he was doing.

Then he turned the communit on.


	29. Chapter 29

**19 ABY, Settlement Colony, Yavin 4**

"Rey, come back!" Luke ran after his daughter as she sprinted from the ship as fast as her four year old legs could take her. She laughed in glee as she bounded down the gravel path which lead through the jungle towards the settlement colony.

"You'll have to catch me!" she called over her shoulder as her dark hair whipped across her face. Luke quickly outpaced his daughter, storming up behind her and scooping her up in his arms, spinning her around above his head and she laughed uproariously. .

"Got you!" he growled, drawing her down and nuzzling her cheek. Rey laughed again and wiggled in Luke's arms, accidently kicking him in the stomach. "Oof. Careful, Rey-bey, you're getting too big to carry around."

"Yep," Rey gave him a toothy grin. "So I can walk by myself."

"Not if you're going to run off," Luke said more seriously, hoisting her up slightly so he could look into her face. "You don't want to leave Mommy behind, do you?"

Rey's face fell immediately, and she looked back to where Valara was walking cautiously, trying to discern her surroundings through the Force.

"I forgot," Rey said, her lip quivering, distraught she may have upset her mother.

"It's okay," Luke soothed her, smoothing down her flyaway hair. Rey wiggled again and he set her down so she could dash back to Valara's side and take her mother's hand. Luke followed, taking up position on Valara's other side and tucking her hand in the crook of his arm.

"Honestly," Valara huffed. "I don't need help."

"I just wanted to hold your hand," Luke said smoothly as they walked towards the settlement.

"Hmph." But the corner of Valara's mouth lifted and she didn't pull her hands away. "There's Shara."

At the entrance to the settlement stood Shara Bey, as proud and striking as Luke remembered her from the days after Endor. At her side stood a young man who shared her colouring and warm smile.

"Shara," Luke greeted her. "It's good to see you again."

"Luke." Her smile widened. "And Valara, it's been a long time. My son, Poe," Shara said, ruffling his hair affectionately. "Home for a few days at least."

"Mother." Poe waved her off, but his charming smile remained. "Master Skywalker, it's such an honour to meet you." He nodded and clasped his hands behind him, standing to attention. "And you, Commander Valara."

Valara looked surprised. "It's a long time since anyone called me that."

"I've read all your mission reports," Poe continued with a flirtatious grin. "Every word was illuminating - you're a great pilot, ma'am."

"I was," Valara corrected him, and Luke squeezed her hand lightly.

"Poe's just been accepted into New Republic Starfleet," Shara said proudly.

"Oh really?" Luke was intrigued. "Who's your commander?" Before Poe could answer Luke felt a tug on his trouser leg, and looked down to see Rey pouting up at him. To her credit, she'd been waiting patiently but clearly felt it had been long enough.

"Sorry, we can get into that later. This is our daughter, Rey," Luke said, prompting her forward to greet them as she'd practiced. It was executed perfectly, and Shara bent down to Rey's eye level.

"Nice to meet you, Rey," she said. "Welcome to Yavin 4. Did you know that this is where your parents met?"

Rey shook her head, wide-eyed. Valara patted her head lightly and gave Shara an admonishing look.

"I don't think she's old enough to hear that story," she said as Shara smirked. Luke wasn't sure his daughter would ever be old enough to hear details of how he and Valara met.

"Why don't you show us around," Luke suggested, eager to move on from the subject. Shara led them into the settlement, quite clearly proud of the small community they'd built. Poe caught Valara's ear almost immediately, oozing charm as he spoke about the present state of the Republic fleet and asking her opinion on various military matters. It made Luke smile - his wife loved talking specs and she had a captive audience in the young man who was all affability and confidence. When she mentioned her project to rebuild her old X-Wing he was intrigued and offered to show her his own ship to compare notes, leaving Luke to catch up with Shara alone.

At the heart of the settlement was the Force tree he'd given her, and although it was not quite so large as the one at the Temple, Luke was pleased to see it was thriving. Rey gleefully bounded over to it, climbing the trunk and swinging on the branches with delight.

"She's beautiful, Luke," Shara commented as they took a seat at the outdoor picnic table beneath the shade of the Force tree's branches.

"Thank you," Luke couldn't contain his smile as his daughter giggled happily, climbing higher into the tree. "She's the light of my life."

"You know when we first met I was quite in awe of you," Shara said, folding her hands on the table. "You could do these incredible things - things I'd never seen before, things I never even thought were possible. But there was a sadness in you as well."

"It hadn't been the best year of my life," Luke admitted.

"But we'd won," Shara pressed. "Han had been rescued, the Death Star had been destroyed, Vader and the Emperor defeated. And yet you seemed like a man with the weight of the galaxy still on his shoulders."

Luke smiled ruefully - he couldn't tell Shara that his sadness had been primarily over the loss of his father, but he saw her point. Their meeting had been a bit dramatic, Luke still favoring black robes and his determination to rescue the Force trees from the Empire bordering on obsession.

"I only mention it because that's all gone now," Shara said. "Those troubles seem to have been stripped away."

"Well not completely," Luke chuckled, and then glanced over at where Rey was swinging happily on a low branch, kicking her legs up in the air. "Just replaced with new troubles."

Shara laughed. "I know what you mean. My Poe is practically a man now, but I still worry about him every day. Perhaps even more than I did when he was young. Sometimes I regret missing those early years, when we were fighting with the Rebellion." She sighed wistfully and looked up at the sky. "They're memories I'll never have, even though I know we were fighting for his future. Cherish this time, Luke, it will go by so quickly."

Rey bounded back over to them, out of breath. "Did you see me, Daddy? I climbed right to the top!"

"I did, my darling," Luke said, picking a loose leaf from Rey's hair. "But be careful, okay?"

Rey rolled her eyes, but climbed up into Luke's lap, mimicking his posture by putting her hands flat on the table next to his.

"You're a born adventurer, are you Rey?" Shara asked.

"Yep." Rey nodded. "Mum and me go out into the jungle all the time at home, it's real good."

"Where's Kes?" Luke asked, noting his absence.

"He's on patrol with civilian defence," Shara said, still smiling indulgently at Rey. "He'll be back for evening meal, we have a bit of a feast planned."

"I'm looking forward to it." Luke said. "Afterwards I thought we might head over to the old base. I wanted to see if the database was still active."

"Would you like to leave Rey with us?" Shara asked. "We'd be happy to look after her and let you and Valara explore."

"Would you like that Rey?" Luke asked.

Rey peered at Shara and pursed her lips. "Do you know any good stories?"

"Sure," Shara smiled. "I have a great one about the mission I went on with your Aunt Leia."

"What about dessert?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Can I have dessert?" Rey asked.

Shara laughed, and winked at the child. "Of course."

 

* * *

 

**Jedi Temple grounds, Devaron**

Ben sat cross-legged on the ground, the holounit placed carefully before him. The spot in the jungle he'd chosen was thick, although he was still within the protective perimeter of the Temple grounds, his mind on constant alert to anyone who may venture too close.

"My boy, have they left you alone again?" The voice from the holounit was smooth and deep, and had become rather familiar. Snoke, he'd said to call him - Lord Snoke.

"I train better alone anyway," Ben lied, squashing his hurt that once again Luke had taken his aunt and cousin offworld and left him behind. He'd begged to go along, but his uncle had refused, although he had arranged for his mother and father to visit. But of course some crisis or another had come up and his mother had commed apologetically, promising that they would come soon.

"I don't think you train there at all," Snoke said. "At least not at anything that will be of use."

"And what would you teach me?" Ben challenged him. He wasn't a fool, he knew Snoke had been trying to turn him to the dark side ever since he'd first begun speaking to him. But he also knew that in trying to court him, Snoke would reveal things, tell him secrets of the Force Ben wanted to know.

"Everything that your Uncle won't," Snoke promised. "The Jedi and the Sith were both too narrow in their thinking, obsessed with defeating the other and unwilling to embrace the fullness of the Force. But I come from a time before either of them, I was there when the prophecy was _written_."

"The Balance to the Force?" Ben asked, leaning closer to the holounit.

"They thought it was your grandfather," Snoke continued, and Ben found himself being drawn in by the rhythm of his voice. "Anakin Skywalker, the great Jedi hope."

"He died in the Jedi Purge," Ben said, and at the back of his mind he heard that voice again, urging him to question.

"Did he?" Snoke chuckled lightly to himself. "The Skywalker bloodline was born of the Force," he added. "Not just of the light side, but of the dark as well. That is why you are unlike any other Jedi or Sith who had ever lived - you are beyond Jedi or Sith. Do you think your grandfather could have been killed by mere stormtroopers?"

Ben frowned, confused by what Snoke was saying. "But what else could have happened?"

Snoke chuckled again. "Why don't you ask your Uncle?"

 

* * *

 

**Massassi Temple, Yavin 4**

The old Rebel base was much as Luke remembered it, although the hallways were deserted and many of the walls had been taken over by creeping vines. Echoes from twenty years in the past lingered on the periphery, when Luke was a newly minted Rebel hero with no idea of the trials that awaited him.

He'd been told then that the extinct Massassi had built the vast structure thousands of years earlier, but he hadn't known that they'd also been slaves to the Sith. Unfortunately the databanks hadn't yielded much in the way of information, most of the records damaged or purged.

"Found anything?" Valara slipped her light hands over his shoulders and massaged them lightly.

"Not much," Luke admitted. "You?"

Valara had been exploring the base while he worked, claiming that she'd rather find her way through the endless hallways than watch him tap on a keyboard for hours.

"It was very productive," Valara said, leaning closer to him and propping her chin on his head. "Come on, I'll show you."

"In a minute," Luke told her, copying some data onto a chip to take with him. "I found some more star charts."

Valara laughed and straightened. "You and your charts. Do you really think you're going to find the Temple?"

"I see it in my dreams, V." Luke pocketed the data chip and turned to face her. "An island in a vast and churning sea - the birthplace of the Jedi."

"But you don't know the name of the planet or how to get there."

"I will," he assured her. "I know it's important, I can feel it."

"Well right now I'm feeling nostalgic." Valara took his hand and tugged on it. "Come on."

He followed her obediently through the winding stone corridors of the Temple. They all looked the same to him but Valara seemed to know exactly where she was going. Although she could not see, her perception was in a way greater than his, or at least on a different level.

"Here." Valara stopped in front of a door that looked exactly like the hundreds of others they'd passed. "Look familiar?"

Luke touched the raised number on the door and smiled. "It's my old quarters." He punched the access code after only a second trying to recall it, and they slipped inside.

The room exactly how Luke had remembered it. They'd evacuated in a hurry, but his possessions had been so meagre it had taken all of twenty seconds to stuff them in a pack and leave. The bunk still had rumpled blankets but otherwise the room was empty.

"It's not like you to get sentimental," Luke commented as he crossed to the bed, checking the bunk for insects. Remarkably, it seemed quite clean and Luke straightened the blankets.

"I guess I'm getting soft," she said wryly. "And since we're child-free for the evening…"

Luke moved into her waiting arms, his hands sliding up her back. "You know I think of that night often."

"So do I," she said softly, reaching up to cup his face. "I'm so glad you came to visit me."

"You almost chased me away," Luke pointed out.

Valara laughed. "Yes, but I also dragged you back here when you were being frustratingly honorable."

"Well I didn't have the confidence of the Dameron boy," Luke chuckled, running his hand down her spine. "I saw him flirting with you today."

"With me?" Valara smiled slyly. "A courtesy perhaps. Or a deflection - I'm blind and I could see the way he was looking at you."

Luke grinned. "Oh, so I still got it huh?"

She slapped him lightly on the rear. "You never lost it," she said and kissed him lightly. "And I'll maim anyone who says otherwise."

“My erstwhile defender,” he quipped.  He remembered the last time they’d been in this room, and he’d been young and unable to believe his luck that a beautiful woman wanted him.  But even then he’d known it had been more than that - why he’d been drawn to Valara and not anyone else.  Even with all the pain she’d put him through in the years since, it was nothing compared to the exquisite joys of their years together, made even happier with a daughter who was smart and kind and made each day remarkable.

“What are you smiling about?” Valara asked, running her hand lightly over his lips.  

“Just thinking about how lucky I am,” he said, drawing her closer.  “And how bright the future looks.”

“My thoughts were more immediate.”  Valara gave him a cunning smile and bit her lower lip.  Her deft hands began to unbutton his tunic and he was instantly hard.

“Oh?”

“It occurs to me,” she said, discarding the garment on the floor.  “That we are the only ones in this entire structure.”  She caressed his chest, briefly resting one hand over his heart which had started to beat quickly.  “We don’t need to hear about anyone down the hall hearing us, or that a nightmare will send them running in needing comfort.”

Luke grinned and toyed with the hem of her top before pulling it up and over her head.  “Are you saying you miss the days where we could have eight uninterrupted hours of blissful lovemaking?”

Valara chuckled lightly.  “You think you could last that long these days?”

“Hey,” he pinched her side playfully.  “Don’t forget you were the experienced older woman and I’m the nubile youth you seduced.”

“It wasn’t much of a seduction, as I recall.”  Valara ran her hands down his chest, and Luke was instantly hard.  “All I asked you to do was touch me.”  

“Just goes to show how tempting you were,” Luke found the clasp of her bra and removed it before gently cupping her breast.  “Still are.”

Valara unbuttoned his pants and he shucked out of them.  Luke groaned as she ran her hand up and down his shaft, the feeling as incredible as it had been the first time twenty years earlier.  

“I made you promise not to get attached, you remember?” Valara whispered.  “That it wouldn’t be anything more than that night?”

“You always were a good liar,” Luke grinned, running the pad of his thumb over her nipple that rose to his touch.

“To myself most of all,” she breathed, arching her back to lean closer.  Luke pressed his lips to hers, his desire too urgent to be distracted by further reminiscing.  He gently guided her across the room until her rear hit the small table built into the wall.  

He kissed his way down her neck, leaning her back over the table to give him better access, his mouth latching onto a nipple and sucking on it hard.  It had the desired response, Valara’s sharp intake of breath.  Her hands travelled upward over his back, massaging his neck slightly before clutching his hair to urge him on.

Luke made short work of her pants and underwear, peeling them down her legs and then discarding them on the floor before urging her to perch on the table.  He urged her legs apart and traced a path with light fingers to her apex.

“You’re so wet V,” he murmured as he pressed his fingers against her swollen clit.  “Fond memories?”

“Well when I found this place earlier,” she said in between short breaths as she ground against the firm movements of his hand.  “I’m afraid I couldn’t wait...and took matters quite literally into my own hands.”

Luke groaned at the image - perhaps she’d lain on the bed and undone her pants, slipping her hand inside to touch herself.  In his mind he could see her, teeth biting down on her plump lower lip as she brought to mind the memory of so many years earlier and rubbed herself to relief.  Her fingers mimicked the path she would have taken, circling her clit and probing her entrance while Valara whimpered and pressed against him.   

“And how does this compare?” he asked, kissing her neck and pushing two fingers inside of her.

“Oh!” Valara craned her head back.  “Nothing compares to this.”

“Nothing?” Luke murmured, scissoring his fingers and making her cry out softly.  “Just wait.”

“Now, Luke,” Valara said throatily, pressing herself against the movement of Luke’s hand.  He could feel her intense desire building towards a peak as he thrust his fingers in and out.

Luke cupped her face with his free hand and drew her into a kiss.  “Patience, my love,” he said against her mouth.  It wasn’t like at home, where they could only snatch a few moments together, their lovemaking intense but hurried.  “We have time, and we don’t need to be quiet.”

He kissed his way down her neck, pausing to lavish attention on her breasts as Valara clutched his hair.  He drew one pert nipple into his mouth and sucked on it until she let out a long, drawn out moan.  Smiling against her skin, Luke made his way further down over her belly which still had a tiny paunch left over from pregnancy.  He nipped the skin playfully and then gently pushed her thighs further apart.

For a few minutes he teased her lightly with his tongue, running the tip over her nub and teasing her entrance until she was panting and begging for more.  He indulged her, licking and sucking as she clutched the side of the table until her knuckles went white.  Luke hooked his hands under her thighs and thrust his tongue inside of her as a pitched cry escaped her lips.  The sound of her unrestrained pleasure exhilarated him, and he couldn’t wait any longer.  

Luke rose to his feet and Valara wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him into a deep kiss.  He grasped her rear and then he was inside her, letting out a moan of relief.  

“You’re right,” she gasped.  “Nothing compares to  _ this _ .”     

He buried his face in her neck and thrust into her with long, even strokes. 

“Yes, Luke,” Valara moaned in his ear and clutched him tighter.  “Oh…yes!”

He grasped her legs and pushed them upwards, and Valara bent her knees so she could press her heels against the edge of the table.  The change in position allowed Luke to sink deeper inside of her, his throbbing dick fully encased by her wet heat.  

Letting out an animalistic cry, Luke fucked her hard and fast, the table shaking with the force of his thrusts and the room filled with her gasps of ecstasy.  She grasped his hair and tugged, the spike of pain turning quickly to pleasure as he began to unravel.  Valara stiffened in his arms before throwing her head back and letting out a scream as she came with shuddering force.  

He followed with a roar of triumph, jolts of pleasure pulsing through him as intense as he’d ever felt, coming hard inside her as her inner walls contracted around him.  Luke buried his head between Valara’s breasts as she stroked his hair, wrapping her legs around his waist and holding him through the aftermath.  

When he was recovered enough, Luke picked her up and carried her to the bed.  Valara kissed him softly, leisurely, her cheeks flushed and body relaxed.  They took the time to caress either other’s lips, her tongue sliding gently against his as the kiss deepened and prolonged.

“So are you going to last the next seven hours?” she asked as she pulled away with a happy sigh.  

Luke laughed and pulled her closer, nuzzling his nose against hers.  “Didn’t that satisfy you for a while at least?”

“You’ve never failed to satisfy me, Luke.” Valara ran her hand down his sweat-slicked chest.  “But I never stop wanting you, either.”

“I know the feeling.”  Luke kissed the scars by her eyes.  “I love you, in case I haven’t told you that today.”

“I burn for you,” Valara said theatrically, leaning in to nibble on his collarbone and making Luke shiver.  “I long for you,” she squeezed his rear and slid one leg between his.  “I want you,” she took his length into her hand and stroked him gently.  

Luke felt the blood begin to surge in his veins again, pooling in his groin as he began to harden under her touch.  “And love me?” he asked.      

“That most of all,” Valara promised him, taking her time to explore his neck with her teeth and tongue as her hand lightly teased him.  She took her time, circling the head with her thumb and running light fingers down his shaft, her touch then moving up to trace the lines of his abdomen and chest before returning again.  

Luke’s breathing quickened but he let his wife take the lead, resting his head back against the pillow so he could watch her.  She was beautiful, flushed cheeks, and swollen lips, her pale skin glowing and the light from above haloing her mussed hair.   

“V,” he murmured reverently, reaching for her and drawing her back into a kiss, this time with more purpose.  She took the hint, moving down his body and her lips tracing the paths her hands had taken.  Luke’s eyes fluttered closed as she took his hardness into her mouth, the sensation hot and wet and so, so good.  He cupped the back of her head, fingers twining through her long hair as he urged her to take more.

Luke hips bucked as she sucked him hard, and he called out her name again as pressure built at the base of his shaft.  He forced his eyes open so he could watch her head bobbing up and down, and he dug his fingernails into one palm to keep himself from coming too soon.  She must have sensed it, because she released him and rose up onto her knees and straddled him.

He reached for her hand, grasping it lightly and reaching out for her through the Force.  They didn’t often connect that way during sex, but every now and then it felt right to let the connection happen and their souls merge.  Luke could feel her desire as well as his own, and she his to the point where she let out a soft moan.  Her eyes locked onto his as if she could truly see him, and Luke felt his heart swell.  

Valara sank down onto him slowly, and Luke could feel himself stretch her inner walls again, the heat and friction incredible.  His hand moved to where they were joined, finding her swollen nub and rubbing it leisurely as Valara slowly began to rock against him.

They soon found a rhythm, Valara lifting her arms up and clasping her hands behind her head, her back arching and her body stretching, the muscles in her abdomen clenching and the breasts lifting.  Luke’s eyes locked on them as they bounced lightly with her movement, her nipples hard and pink, begging to be tasted.  His thought echoed in her mind, and Valara smiled before leaning down over him.

Luke took one nipple into his mouth and sucked it firmly, his hands grasping her rear to pull himself deeper inside her.  He felt the jolt of pleasure that sparked at her breast and rushed through her veins, and she felt his as he bucked up and into her, and they drove each other to completion.  

The night continued as Luke had promised in various positions; Luke on top, pressing her down into the mattress as she grasped his thighs, shifting up onto their knees and Valara turning around so he could take her from behind, Valara going down on him again and this time sucking him to completion, Luke returning the favour until he made her scream again, Luke on his knees and Valara on her side with one leg curling around his hips as he drove into her, both of them sitting up with skin pressed against skin.

Eventually they fell back on the bed, their limbs tangled together with neither the strength nor the inclination to move from each other’s embrace.  Luke kissed Valara’s forehead, too tired to even speak but so content just to have her in his arms and drift off into a welcome sleep.     


	30. Chapter 30

**20 ABY - Jedi Temple, Devaron**

"I thought I'd find you here." Luke walked into the main training room where Ben was practicing with a lightsaber against a combat droid. The boy gave him a nod of greeting but his focus was intently on the task at hand, blocking the blows of his automated opponent and looking for attack openings.

Despite the lightness of his words, Luke was disappointed. He was always careful not to overwhelm his students with classes, and gave them copious amounts of free time so their lives were not consumed with training. Yet while the other students had gone into town, or were exploring the jungle, or socialising in the mess hall, Ben had sought solitude and practice.

Luke waited patiently while Ben finished the session, every moment filled with regret that he'd ever built the practice droid. For a long time Artoo had been the only droid at the Temple, but even with Maliak knighted and assisting him with training it was not enough to give everyone who had come the proper attention. Building the droid had allowed the students to practice on their own or in small groups, but it wasn't the first time Ben had decided to train on a day off.

He had skill, there was no denying that, but he didn't have the natural ease or flow some other Force-strong students demonstrated. Luke could feel the concentration and burning determination to succeed - it was almost desperation. Luke watched silently until Ben completed the sequence, and when done he shut down the lightsaber and turned to Luke expectantly, waiting for praise or critique.

"Did you have fun?" Luke asked.

Ben frowned and looked confused. "I completed the sequence."

Luke ran a hand over his mouth, not in the mood to get into the discussion. "We're taking Rey on a hike, why don't you come along?"

Ben fiddled with the handle of the practice lightsaber. "I wanted to try the next couple of sequences."

"Ben." Luke held out his hand for the lightsaber. "Please."

He sighed, but obediently handed Luke the hilt who returned it and the droid to the practice vault and locked the door.

"When can I build my own lightsaber?" Ben asked as they made their way through the halls down to the Temple entrance.

"When you're less eager to use it."

"That makes no sense," Ben huffed. "I've looked at the records, Jedi younglings used to build lightsabers at half my age."

"In a time of war," Luke reminded him. "And even then I question of the wisdom of it. Never forget that the lightsaber is a weapon, and once you build your own you have a responsibility to use it. Deflecting blaster bolts and sparring is nothing like real combat, of knowing you have no choice but to take another's life in defence of others. Could you do that, Ben?" Luke turned to him, laying a hand on Ben's arm to stop his long strides. "Strike someone down with your blade, see the light dim in their eyes, hear their last puff of breath?"

Ben blinked twice and then looked down, dark hair falling over his eyes. It was something the boy needed to hear it, to understand that to build his own lightsaber required not just Force strength but emotional maturity. Luke was afraid that Ben was overflowing with the former and struggling with the latter.

"No," Ben admitted, and they began to walk again. "I read in the Archives that grandfather was the greatest duelist of his age."

Luke recalled being on the receiving end of his father's swordplay. "Yes, but that wasn't what made him a great Jedi."

"I'm just wondering how he was killed," Ben brushed by the response, "if he was so good?"

Luke pursed his lips - it wasn't the first time Ben had asked about his grandfather, and not the first time it had been necessary to lie. "Many great Jedi were overwhelmed by surprise and sheer numbers," he said evenly, hating himself for needing to subscribe to Obi-Wan's old adage of a certain point of view.

"He died defending the Temple, right?"

Luke kept his eyes forward, running over the details of the story he and Leia had spun. "That's right."

"Do you think if he'd survived, the Empire would have been defeated sooner?"

That gave Luke pause, knowing that while it was just natural curiosity they were getting into dangerous territory. "As great a Jedi as your grandfather was, Ben, he was just one man."

"Yeah, but look what he did during the Clone Wars," Ben insisted. "He wouldn't have just sat back like Obi-Wan and Yoda did, he would have gone after them. Can you imagine a duel between Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader?"

Luke didn't have to imagine, he'd seen the battle between the two as he'd lain writhing on the floor under the onslaught of Palpatine's Force lightning. It was not the duel Ben was imagining, his teenage mind distracted by the perceived glory of physical combat when Luke knew it was the mental battled that were the hardest. How exactly to teach that to Ben without the example of Anakin's fall was something Luke constantly struggled with.

"Come on," he patted Ben's shoulder. "The girls are waiting for us."

* * *

It took half the day to hike through the jungle to the Devaronian village, and Ben resented every moment of it. Every time he was making progress in his training, Luke would pull him away with some lecture or parable or even worse, a family outing which Ben knew was an attempt to make him feel included but only reminded him that his own parents were half a galaxy away.

He walked a few paces behind them, Rey skipping along and singing to herself, Luke and Valara talking quietly, the latter using her quarterstaff to assist her in the trek. Luke had tried to engage Luke in the conversation but he'd resisted, still annoyed about his training being interrupted.

It was made even worse by Valara's presence - Ben had never really gotten along with his aunt through marriage, had in some small way resented her ever since they'd met and she'd taken up Luke's attention on what was meant to be Ben's visit to the Temple. His uncle couldn't see how badly she distracted him, how much she'd influenced him. Ben had dreamed of attending Luke's academy and becoming a real Jedi Knight ever since he was old enough to know what it was, but had found the reality very different. He was certain Luke had taken his training so slowly on Valara's advice, and every time she looked at Ben he could feel her unease around him.

Rey he didn't mind so much - she was annoying as any child her age, but at least Ben could excuse her existence with Luke's need to pass on his name and Force abilities. But rather than keeping to the Jedi Code which had served the Order well for over a thousands years, Luke had allowed himself attachments which had distracted and weakened him.

Snoke agreed. Ben was always wary of his words, because he knew Snoke's goal was to tempt him into darkness rather than let him straddle the dark and light as Ben intended, but all too often they made so much sense. He'd been right about Ben's grandfather, after all.

For months Ben had turned the secret over in his head, that Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader had been one in the same. He'd denied the possibility at first, but then acknowledged the story he'd been told for years didn't make much sense, and the coincidental rise of Darth Vader at the end of the Clone Wars had to be investigated. Ben had taken his time so not to rise Luke's suspicions - asking the occasional innocent question about Anakin or Vader, like he'd done that morning in the training room. Every time the subject was broached Ben could sense his Uncle's guilt and deceit. No doubt Luke thought he kept such emotions tightly locked down, but Ben had always been gifted in sensing and mind probes, and had learned how to find what he was looking for without detection. Snoke had helped, of course, taught him the tricks and insights Luke himself always shied away from.

Ben had only spoken to his mother once about it, via holonet on her weekly call to check in. She'd withdrawn immediately; pursed lips, nostrils slightly flared, tight shoulders. That was when Ben had known it was all true, because why else would she had reacted in such a way?

Snoke had been right, they had been lying to him for years about his heritage, and therefore it was all too easy for Ben to assume that Luke was lying about other things too. As for Valara, deception came easy to her - she'd once been a spy after all. But Ben knew he could learn from her too, and he'd watched her closely until he learned how to break through her mental defences without her realising. The way she drew Rey closer to herself sometimes when Ben was in the room, the way she deliberately drew Luke away from training - everything she did was seeping with fear of him.

He'd even overheard them once, discussing another trip from Leia which had been cancelled due to a Senate vote. "If he were my son," Valara had said, "I wouldn't want to visit him either." Luke had admonished her, but Ben hadn't forgotten. He'd tried to please her, to treat her like family but he saw now that she'd always see the worst in him, resent his presence and elevate her own daughter at Ben's expense.

"Do you wanna play a game, Ben?" Rey had dropped back and was now walking beside him. Ben sighed, he knew from experience it was best to indulge her, or he'd have to listen to her whining until he did.

"What kind of game?"

"What am I thinking!" Rey suggested, a big smile on her face.

"No," came Valara's stern voice from ahead of them. "You know that's not a game, sweetheart."

_What am I thinking?_ was a training exercise Ben himself had come up with, where one person attempted to mind-probe the other and reveal their thoughts, while the other person attempted to shield. Ben was the reigning champion among the students, and he'd let Rey play a couple of times after her constant begging. She was surprisingly good for her age but not nearly as skilled as he was, and losing to him every time didn't seem to diminish her enjoyment.

Rey pouted at her mother's refusal, glaring at her back and kicking at the dirt by her feet. That made Ben smile, and he felt a rush of affection for his young cousin. He gave her a wink and mouthed "we can play later" which was rewarded with her returning smile. Ben needed the practice anyway, and what Luke and Valara didn't know wouldn't hurt them. Knowing the inner working of his young cousin's mind might be useful in the future.

The Devaronian village was a familiar sight to Ben, as his uncle had often brought him to council sessions held by the Elders so he could learn from their wisdom. The Jedi Temple stood on Devaronian ground, Luke told him, and it was through their grace that they continued to live and work in harmony together. Secretly Ben thought it nonsense, who wouldn't benefit from a local Jedi order? The Devaronians were lucky Luke had chosen their planet and should be grateful to him, not the other way around.

The sessions were boring anyway, so Ben elected not to join Luke in the council session and looked for something else to keep him occupied. He certainly didn't want to sit around and listen to Valara gossip with Farnay. Rather, he approached some young men of the tribe who agreed to take him out on a hunt.

"Can I come too?" Rey had appeared at his side again, looking up at him with hope as she shifted from one foot to the other.

Quillion, the leader of the Devaronian hunting pack smiled at her. "I don't see why not, we won't be going far."

"Isn't it too...much?" Ben asked, his earlier tolerance of Rey already fading. "She's only five."

"It won't be dangerous, we'll just look for some lainlay birds." Quillion shrugged. "Our children start joining in on hunts younger than she is."

"I wish Luke would take your example," Ben grumbled, still sore about his uncle's lecture that morning.

"Are you brave, Rey?" Quillion asked, ruffling her hair.

"Yep!" Rey nodded her head vigorously. "I'm the bravest ever."

Quillion chuckled. "We'll see, I suppose.."

Ben turned to see where Valara was seated by Farnay around the fire, her usual scowl even more prominent than usual. She was reluctant, yet it seemed to Ben that he wasn't worried about the tribe - it was _him_ she was glaring at with her sightless, unblinking gaze. Ben strengthened his mental shields - he always felt that despite her blindness, or perhaps because of it, Valara was staring at him, determined to discover all his secrets.

But she couldn't exactly explain to the Devaronians that she didn't trust her own nephew with her daughter's safety, nor could she protest that Rey was too young when Farnay was well aware Valara was already teaching her combat skills and she herself had taken Rey out on numerous jungle expeditions. Ben smiled, for a moment his enjoyment at Valara's discomfort greater than his unwillingness to let Rey tag along.

"It's alright, Aunt V," Ben put a hand on Rey's shoulder. "I'll look after her."

* * *

Luke felt a tug at the back of his mind and excused himself from the Devaronian elder's council. Valara was seated around the fire with Rey in her arms, stroking the girl's hair as she sobbed uncontrollably.

"What happened?" He rushed to Valara's side and placed a light hand on Rey's back.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Luke." Ben looked upset, wringing his hands together. "We were out on a hunt, and I _told_ her to be quiet, but she kept talking and got the attention of the birds and one swooped at her. I pushed her out of the way with the Force, and she fell a bit hard."

Luke breathed a sigh of relief, thankful it wasn't anything serious. "Are you alright, Rey-bey?" he asked, reaching for his daughter. She hugged him around the neck and he held her close while her sobs died down and turned into sniffles. "I bet that was scary, huh?"

"No, Daddy," she said, shaking her head. "I'm brave."

Luke chuckled and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Of course you are sweetheart. But you have to be more careful, lucky you had Ben there to protect you."

Rey nodded hesitantly and lifted up her arm and showed him her skinned elbow. "Awww," Luke sympathised, and kissed it better.

"It's a fine war wound," Farnay spoke up, and finally Rey smiled.

"Just like you, Daddy," she said, pressing her small hand to the scars on his cheek.

"Not quite, my darling," Luke chuckled. "But still very impressive." He turned his attention back to Ben, who seemed to have relaxed. "Did you actually catch anything?"

"We bagged eight birds," Ben said proudly. "I got two myself."

"The boys say he'll make a fine hunter," Farnay said warmly.

"Well you better bring them back to the Temple," Luke suggested. "See what Abelia can do with them for dinner."

The only person who still seemed ill at ease was Valara, whose lips were pursed so tightly they were white. Luke put his hand on her knee but felt her push away his gentle touch through the Force.

She didn't speak the entire walk back to the Temple, was quiet all through dinner and subdued even putting Rey down for the night, the lullaby she always sung to her daughter almost stilted. It wasn't until later when they alone and preparing for bed themselves that Valara voiced her concerns.

"I don't want to leave Rey alone with Ben anymore," she declared, pulling back the covers on the bed somewhat forcefully.

Luke sighed - he'd been expecting her to say something like that. "You can't hold Ben responsible - it was an accident."

"That's the thing though," Valara said. "I don't think it was."

"What do you mean?" Luke asked. "You think Ben pushed her over for no reason?"

"Not for no reason." Valara perched herself on the window seat. "Maybe she said something that annoyed him, maybe she was getting too much attention from the others. Maybe a swooping bird was an easy excuse to vent his frustration."

"V." Luke sat down on the bed and ran a hand over his face. "You're paranoid."

"Am I?" she leaned forward. "He's so jealous of her."

Luke couldn't deny that, but didn't attribute the same sinister undercurrent that his wife did. "Even if you're right," he conceded. "They've been raised like brother and sister - siblings fight, it's normal."

"No, this is different," Valara shook her head. "I saw it constantly in the orphanage when one child was resentful of another. It would simmer until one day the other child would go to bed with a black eye, or you'd find them crying in the courtyard pretending that the blood on their clothes was from a fall, or sometimes they'd just disappear to the infirmary and never come back."

"That was a harsh environment to grow up in," Luke reminded her softly, crossing the room to take a seat beside her and laying a hand over hers. "It's different here."

Valara kept staring straight ahead, as if she hadn't heard him. "Sometimes when he looks at Rey, it makes me nervous." She shuddered. "He thinks because I'm blind I can't _see_ , and in some moments he's unguarded. Something...shifts in him, like a storm brewing. And I know what you're going to say." She shook off his touch and rose to pace the room. "That I'm projecting - that when I was his age I turned against someone who'd been like a brother to me, so I see shadows everywhere."

Valara ran one hand through her hair. "But surely you sense the darkness in him," she pressed. "That's why Leia sent him here."

"There is darkness in us all," Luke said. "He's a teenager and strong in the Force, so his emotions are doubly heightened. It will pass, and with further teaching he can learn to control himself - there is great light in him also."

"You're blinded by your love for him," Valara snapped.

"And your suspicion only drives him further away!" Luke exclaimed, frustration boiling over. It was always the conflict between them, his optimism clashing with her eternal distrust. He sighed heavily and pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose.

"We won't leave them alone," he agreed, rising to his feet and crossing the room to where Valara stood defiant. He cupped her face in his hands and reached out to her through the Force. "But you will try, V?" he asked. "Try to show him kindness - his mother is half a galaxy away and he hasn't exactly made a lot of friends here."

"Alright," Valara said softly, moving into Luke's embrace. "I suppose in my determination to be a good mother I haven't been a very good aunt."

"We could both do better," Luke said as Valara put her head against his shoulder and he drew his arms around her. He truly believed Ben was not capable of hurting Rey intentionally, but he couldn't ignore Valara's acute perception, and knew he'd been guilty of ignoring his nephew in favour of his daughter.

"Why don't you take him on that trip to Lothal you're planning," Valara suggested. "Rey and I will stay here."

"It might help him feel more included," Luke agreed. "And it would be a good learning experience, there's an old Jedi Temple under the planet's surface." He kissed the top of Valara's head. "I'll miss you two, though. We haven't been apart since Rey was born."

"High time then," Valara teased lightly. "I'm getting thoroughly sick of you, Red Five."

Luke laughed and held her closer. "Too bad, because you're stuck with me."


	31. Chapter 31

**20 ABY, Road to Tikaroo, Devaron**

"Mama, my feet hurt." Rey stopped in her tracks and tugged on her hand to force Valara to do the same. Although she couldn't see the look on her daughter's face, Valara heard that familiar note in Rey's voice which meant that it was pointless to argue with her. The girl was as stubborn as a gundark.

"Alright," Valara conceded with a sigh. "We can stop for a minute."

"There's a vine over here," Rey tugged on Valara's hand, leading her over to take a seat. Of course, she would have been able to discern it with her Force-sight without Rey saying anything, but the child had taken to explaining things aloud to Valara which both touched and troubled her. The former, to see Rey's kind heart and consideration of others, and the latter a stab of uselessness that she would need her daughter's aid for something so basic. More than once she'd considered consulting a doctor on Coruscant about sight implants, so she could see Rey's sweet face which had only been described to her, or perceived as a bright light through the Force. So she could fly again without an autopilot program or droid assistance.

But there were side effects that Valara wished to avoid, most notably the chance of persistent headaches. She'd experienced enough of that kind of pain whilst her vision was dimming and had no desire to revisit it. At least with her Force-sight she was functional, all too often the headaches had been incapacitating, and Valara would never allow herself such weakness. There was also that deeper, flagging feeling that it was part of her penance for all she'd done as an Inquisitor, and if the injury was the price she had to pay for all the other joys in her life so be it.

"Mama," Rey nudged her lightly. "What are you thinking?"

It was Rey's favourite question to ask, ever since Valara had forbidden her to play Ben's training game and explained to her that she should never try to read anyone else's thoughts.

"I'm thinking we're going to miss all of the best produce at the market," Valara said lightly.

"Do not worry," Rey said, patting Valara's leg. "They always save the best stuff for us."

"For you, I think," Valara smiled. She'd discovered that an adorable child worked wonders at a market, they often gave Rey treats and indeed saved Valara the best of their offerings. "But don't get a big head over it, please, remember you should never expect special treatment, and always be grateful if it is offered."

"Yes, Mama." Rey said, and Valara was quite certain she was rolling her eyes. "Are Daddy and Ben coming home yet? We can get palama pies for them."

"Not yet," Valara stroked Rey's hair lightly, knowing how much she's been missing her father. Valara had been missing him too, his familiar warmth in the bed beside her, even his presence at the back of her mind. "In a week or so."

"Oh." Rey sounded forlorn. "Can we still get the pies?"

Valara laughed and drew Rey close, kissing her on the forehead. "Of course."

But Rey's mind had already wandered, and she pulled away. "There's a good stick!" The scuffle of her feet was audible as she ventured into the jungle, brushing aside the low-hanging vines.

"Rey," Valara called after her. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting a stick, Mummy." Rey returned to the path and through her Force-sight Valara could see her swinging something around. "To practice."

"I see," Valara humoured her. Luke hadn't exactly been thrilled at her showing Rey how to use a staff as a weapon, particularly when he was withholding extensive lightsaber training from Ben. But Valara had been adamant that Rey should learn to defend herself, and she was proud of how adept her daughter had become.

She let Rey practice for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of the jungle around her. In the distance she heard the warning call of a female pikhron, and Valara sat up a bit straighter. Something wasn't right. She reached out through the Force and felt the presence of six people on the path heading their way, and her finely honed danger sense indicated that they had ill intent.

Pressing her quarterstaff into the earth, Vara quickly pulled herself up. She called her daughter's name urgently and grasped her hand. "Come on," she said, "quickly."

Rey must heard the seriousness in her voice because she obeyed and did not even question why Valara had turned them around back towards the Temple. She made a quick pace, keeping her mind on the location of those behind who had fanned out into the jungle. If they could just make it back inside the perimeter and under the protection of the shield...

A spaceship roared overhead, far too close to the treeline to be comfortable - Valara could hear the underbelly of the ship scrape against the top of the canopy. The noise made Rey cry out, and panic gripped Valara as their pursuers grew closer.

She hauled Rey up into her arms and began to run, not an easy task when her Force-sight blurred around her. She couldn't risk veering off into the jungle and had to keep running straight, her feet pounding against the dirt path while Rey was jostled in her arms, holding her tightly around the neck.

But the pursuers were gaining on her, she could sense them drawing closer, and the ship was hovering overhead. She heard a stun blast hit one of the trees to her right; the next caught her ear as it whizzed past and she went deaf on that side, throwing her off balance and stumbling into the dirt, shielding Rey as best she could as she went down.

It gave the chance to the others to catch up, Valara could hear the scuff of their heavy boots against the ground. Now that they were closer her senses came into greater focus, and she could tell that the group was comprised of three humans, a Gamorrean and two Zabraks

"Rey," Valara whispered, cupping her daughter's face. "When I stand up I want you to run as fast as you can. Go home, and find Maliak. Don't argue with me."

Rey sniffed, and she felt her nod against her hand. Valara grasped her quarterstaff and jumped to her feet, spinning around and holding the staff in front of her with both hands. She heard Rey sprinting off behind her, and just hoped she could make it to the shield in time.

"No point fighting us, luv," one of the humans called out. "Just come quietly and you won't get hurt."

"Why don't you leave," Valara shot back. "And then you won't get hurt."

They all chuckled, the Gamorrean letting out deep, guttural laughs. "Get her," the Human said, and they all rushed at her once. Valara only needed a second to draw on the Force, to recall her training and then she began, first avoiding the numerous stun blasts they sent her way, spinning and twisting out of the path of fire and then swinging her staff, making contact with the first attacker.

It was all too easy to slip back into the ruthless, efficient warrior she'd once been, only this time it was not the desire to succeed driving her, but the need to protect Rey. She managed to take out two of the humans, their bodies falling lifelessly to the ground as she felt no regret, only relief. The staff was an extension of herself, and she was heedless of the warm blood that spilled over her hands as she killed one of the Zabraks. She had chosen not to carry other weapons, telling herself that the staff was primarily a walking aide and a weapon of defence. But she'd been fooling herself - anything could be a weapon in her hands, and she felt like an Inquisitor again with a singular focus, heedless of how she achieved her goal.

"Grab her!" the remaining human yelled as her parried the swing of her staff with a stun rod. They'd learned from the mistakes of their fallen comrades, circling her but keeping out of the vicious swing of her weapon. But then she felt the vice grip of the Zabrak grabbing her arms from behind and before she could pull free the Gamorrean approached, swinging his fist at her face.

* * *

Valara awoke to the taste of blood in her mouth, a pounding headache and the sound of someone crying.

"Rey?" she called out into the darkness, reaching desperately for her daughter. Rey sniffed, and moved into Valara's arms. Her heart sank with the knowledge that she hadn't been able to escape, that she'd failed to protect her.

"Mummy," she sobbed. "You wouldn't wake up, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Valara soothed her, reaching out through the Force to envelop her daughter. She touched her lip, there was blood from where the Gamorrean had punched her and given how painful it had been to speak she was pretty sure her jaw was broken.

"I'm sorry," Rey cried. "I ran like you told me."

"I know," Valara said, trying not to move her jaw too much. "It's okay."

"I want to go home," Rey said in a small voice, and Valara held her closer.

"Don't worry Rey-bey, everything's going to be alright."

Rey's sobs subsided into the occasional sniffle, and Valara rocked her in her arms until she calmed down. She lay her down on the floor, shrugging off her jacket and rolling it up before placing it under Rey's head, stroking her hair and singing her a lullaby. It was an old song, the words almost nonsensical, as if they had been translated into Basic from another language long since dead. But it had been one of the few soothing things from her childhood in the orphanage. They would play the song through the speakers of the dorm rooms at lights out, and Valara used to close her eyes pretend that the tinny recording was her own mother singing her to sleep rather than a complete stranger. That she could sing it to her own daughter to comfort her was a small consolation.

_Whisper away through the stars above,_

_With this last song, to dance upon the sea,_

_Past the green mists, do not fear my love,_

_All this will bring you surely back to me_

Once Rey was asleep Valara turned her attention to their predicament. She could hear the whir of machinery and the floor beneath her was metallic and cold, so she could assume they were being held in the hold of a ship, likely the one that had been flying above when they'd been taken.

"Luke," she whispered softly, reaching out through the Force to connect with her husband, to let him know what had happened to her. She closed her eyes tightly and strained to reach him but after several minutes was left frustrated. They'd never been able to sense each other or communicate over long distances before and she hadn't really expected to be able to reach him. She'd have to escape by herself.

Valara honed her senses to the ship around her, perceiving the Human, Gamorrean and Zabrak above them, likely in the cockpit. Her blood burned thinking about them, no doubt they were bounty hunters but who were they working for? She thought back to the time a few years earlier when she'd been told about suspicious folk hanging around Tikaroo and asking questions. For a while afterward they'd been careful but it had soon lapsed when all seemed well again.

She couldn't ignore that the abduction had taken place on the week that Luke was absent. Every other time he'd left the Temple since Rey as born she and Valara had been with him, and no bounty hunter in the galaxy dared go up against Luke Skywalker. Valara clenched her fists, nails digging into her palms painfully. Was she so useless that they only needed to wait until Luke was gone in order to get to Rey? Perhaps she should have let him train her to be a Jedi, perhaps she should have carried a lightsaber with her at all times, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...

There was something else gnawing at her, and that was how they could have possibly known when Luke would be away. She certainly had not told anyone in town of the intended trip, and she was certain none of Luke's students had either, they had a zealous respect for his privacy and were fiercely protective of him, even to their friends and acquaintance in Tikaroo. Who would have to gain from betraying them, and what possible reason could they have? Valara seethed as she came to the only logical conclusion.

Ben.

* * *

**Jedi Temple, Lothal**

The Temple on Lothal was unlike any Luke had previously encountered, almost an empty shell with no archives or training rooms he'd come to associate with Jedi strongholds. It was only discoverable through the Force by a Master and Apprentice working together to raise the building from the sands, and that task complete Luke and Ben had then set about exploring the place.

"During the Rebellion I met a woman who told me about this Temple," Luke told Ben as they walked through the dark halls. "She'd been part of a Rebel cell with a man named Kanan, who'd been just a padawan when the Jedi were massacred at the end of the Clone Wars. He'd taken on an apprentice himself, and they'd both been tested here."

Ben examined a wall, running his hand over etchings of the light and dark sides of the Force. "Is that why you brought me here?"

Luke smiled. "Well you wanted to escalate your training."

"But nothing's happening," Ben said, looking concerned. "Did we do something wrong?"

Luke reached out through the Force but found the Temple devoid, as if it had abandoned the place. "The Empire conquered this place as they did most of the other Temples," he said. "The dark side overpowered the light and perhaps disrupted the fragile balance necessary to test a Jedi."

"But don't worry," he said at Ben's look of disappointment. "There may be something else useful here."

"What happened to Kanan and his apprentice?" Ben asked.

"Sabine said they were killed before the Battle of Yavin." Luke began to walk again, wishing to move deeper into the Temple. He hadn't pressed Sabine for details, but he got the impression that was more to the story of how her friends had died than she was willing to share.

"By Darth Vader?" Ben asked, matching Luke's strides.

"Perhaps," Luke said, his voice tightening. "Or maybe an Inquisitor."

"Sure it wasn't Aunt V?" Ben joked, and Luke gave him a warning look.

"She'd left by that time."

"Right," Ben nodded. "She was telling me about it the other day."

"Really?" Luke was surprised, although Valara had been making more of an effort to bond with Ben.

"Yeah, she showed me the Inquisitor lightsaber and let me take it apart to see how it worked."

"I'm glad you're getting along better these days." Life at the Temple seemed to have returned to normal, and the trip so far had gone well - they were talking and joking just like they used to.

"I know I can be...difficult sometimes." Ben looked down at the floor. "You and Mom and Dad did all of these wonderful things, and I just feel like everyone expects even more from me. _I_ expect more from me."

"Ben." Luke clasped his shoulder and squeezed lightly. ""You're only fifteen, you have your whole life ahead of you, and I'm sure you'll get your chance. But you can't compare yourself to me or your parents, you have to find your own path. We don't expect any more of you than that."

Ben looked up and nodded, the beginnings of a smile on his lips. "I know."

"And I should point out that when I was your age my greatest achievement was a fast run through Beggar's Canyon," Luke added with a chuckle. "Believe me, you're way ahead of me already."

That seemed to cheer Ben up, and they spent the next few hours exploring the Temple, examining and retrieving some artifacts for later scrutiny. They had long discussions about the nature of the Force, and Luke was pleased with the depth of Ben's thoughts and arguments. He knew Ben had spent a great deal of time researching the history of the Republic and Jedi Order, and his knowledge and memory was incredible, even if they held conflicting views of the effectiveness of some of the old Order's policies.

It was late into the evening by the time they made their way back to the nearest city, and immediately Luke felt uneasy, as if the galaxy itself had shifted slightly. That feeling was only confirmed when the aide to the Governor, who had been managing their visit to Lothal, rushed up looking very anxious.

"Master Skywalker, we've been trying to reach you for hours," he said. "We've had a message from your Jedi Temple, they say your wife and child have gone missing."

Luke heart constricted painfully, and he looked over to Ben whose mouth had dropped open in shock.

"What?"

"I thought it was strange," the aide continued, "I didn't know you were married-"

"What else did they say?" Luke cut him off, all million painful scenarios running instantly through his mind.

"That's all, the gentleman was quite reluctant to give details, only to say that you should come immediately."

"Yes," Luke nodded, his mind foggy and he tried to quell his panic which was threatening to overwhelm him.

"We have your vessel already prepared," he said. "I hope everything is alright."

They all but ran back to the ship and Luke prepared for takeoff, and at the same time he patched through a hyperspace call to the Temple.

"Maliak," Luke greeted his second in command. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry Luke," the Abenedo's soft voice flowed through the comm. "Valara took Rey into town this morning but when they didn't come back I went to see Yima. Apparently they never made it to Tikaroo either. No one's seen them."

"Have you searched the jungle, the Devaronian village?" Luke asked.

"We've checked everywhere," Maliak said. "Farnay had the whole village out searching the jungle with pikhrons - nothing so far."

"So they were abducted." It was the only conclusion Luke could draw. He turned to Ben whose brow was furrowed, and he was leaning forward with his arms clasped, listening intently.

"We don't know," Maliak admitted. "Yima's investigating in town to see if anyone knows anything, I'm waiting to hear back from her."

Luke pinched the bridge of his nose. "We're on our way back now, keep me informed."

"Of course."

He ended the call and made some calculations to the hyperspace jump. It was bordering on dangerous to push the vessel to .7 past lightspeed but they needed to get back to Devaron as soon as possible.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Luke." Ben spoke up. "I'm sure everything is going to be alright. We'll find them."

"I hope so." He kept staring Ben even when he turned to look out at the blue of hyperspace. Luke hated himself for feeling it, but there was suspicion of his nephew, he couldn't help it. This was what Valara had feared, that Ben's jealousy of Rey would escalate beyond familial rivalry into something sinister and dangerous. Surreptitiously, Luke reached out to Ben's mind and was relieved to feel only shock and concern - he was as surprised as Luke to hear Valara and Rey were gone.

In any event, no matter how Ben felt towards Rey Luke couldn't imagine that he was capable of such evil, and he'd been with Luke the whole time. No, he told himself, Ben could not possibly be involved, there was something else at work.

Luke knew he still had enemies out there in the galaxy, perhaps someone had arranged a kidnapping to hurt him? The Hutts maybe, who had never forgiven him for orchestrating Jabba's downfall, or perhaps anti-Jedi groups he was vaguely aware of. Most likely was the remnants of the Empire, although they had not been heard for in some while, with rumors that even their stronghold on Rakata Prime had been depleted of personnel.

Leia would know better than him, and more than that, Luke needed to hear her voice, her comfort. But then Luke remembered that she was on a diplomatic mission on the remote world of Buhtain, a low-tech world with scant communications. Han was at one of his racing meets and Luke patched through a call, leaving a message for him to contact the Temple urgently.

* * *

**Jedi Temple, Devaron**

Ben paced the length of his room like a caged animal, his mind turning over what had happened. He felt blindsided and betrayed, just when he was finally feeling appreciated by Luke again his attention had once again been shifted.

All of the Temple inhabitants had been confined to the grounds just in case someone else was taken, but Ben knew that no one was in danger. But it gave him serious pause as to whether he could safely contact Snoke and confirm his suspicions - what if all communications were being monitored? The line was secure, but Ben had always made sure to go out into the jungle just in case.

But Ben had to know, he had to sort this out. However he felt about his aunt and cousin, he hadn't wanted _this_. Making up his mind,, Ben retrieved the transmitter from where it had been locked away and placed it on his nightstand, punching in the code. Snoke appeared in miniature, shrouded in a dark robe and seated upon his throne.

"Ah, Ben," Snoke greeted him. "I thought I'd be hearing from you."

"How dare you," Ben seethed. "I know you planned this, don't try and deny it."

"I wasn't intending to," Snoke twisted his distorted features into a smile. "In fact, I have you to thank Ben. You're the only who so kindly informed me they would at the Temple alone and unprotected."

Ben's mouth dropped open, and it took him a few moments to respond. "I...all I said was that Uncle Luke was finally taking me on one of his trips."

"Exactly."

"I...I'll go to Luke, and tell him it's you," Ben declared. "He'll find then, you won't get away with this."

"And how will you explain," Snoke asked, "without revealing your own part in this?"

That gave Ben pause - Luke was already suspicious of his involvement, he'd felt it. If he found out that Ben had been communicating with a dark sider behind his back he'd be tainted in his eyes, just like he already was in Valara's. He'd never look at him the same way, perhaps he'd even stop his training for risk that he would turn to the dark side.

"But why did you do this?" Ben demanded, wanting to say more but stopping himself. _Why take her when you have me?_

"She is strong in the Force, just as you are." Snoke's voice was smooth. "We took the opportunity when it presented itself, and this way suspicion will not fall on you."

Ben felt sick - he thought Snoke had chosen him, the appointed successor to his grandfather's legacy, the balance between dark and light. He couldn't let Rey usurp him with Snoke as she had done with Luke. Ben was very aware that his cousin had two parents strong in the Force, and therefore infinitely more valuable to someone like Snoke, especially because she was young could be moulded to completely embrace the darks side when Ben would not. Not for the first time he cursed the weakness of his father.

"Have you considered how advantageous this can be for you?" Snoke continued. "So many times you have told me how your Uncle's attachment to his wife and child had pulled his focus away from you, from his other students. His commitment is to them and not the Jedi. But if he no longer had such distractions, who would he turn to, who would he have left to fulfill his legacy?"

It made a certain kind of sense, but could Ben in good conscience cause Luke such pain in hope that he would benefit from it? Valara he could not care less about, but Rey was innocent - annoying sometimes, sure, but could he really allow her to be taken?

"What are you going to do to her?" Ben asked, sinking down onto the bed with slumped shoulders.

Snoke chuckled, steepling his fingers together. "Unlike your family Ben, I have never lied to you. You know who and what I am, you know I serve the dark side, that I have ambitions beyond the tiny corner of space to which we are presently confined. I need an apprentice, and you have made clear that you do not wish to pledge yourself solely to the dark."

"And if I did?" Ben asked. "If I...came to you, would you let her go?"

Snoke looked at him for several long moments. "You would abandon your family, your Jedi teachings, pledge yourself to the dark, for the sake of this girl?"

Ben steeled himself, then nodded. "Yes."

"Very well," Snoke leaned back on his throne, looking pleased. "I take it you do not wish to include your Aunt in this bargain."

"Do what you want with her," Ben waved a hand. "I don't care."

That seemed to amuse Snoke. "Good, I have plans for her. I will send you the coordinates of the rendezvous with the bounty hunters. Come with them to me, and then I will arrange for Rey to be returned to her father."

Ben nodded as the coordinates were transmitted, and then ended the call. There was no doubt in Ben's mind that Snoke would not hold up his end of the bargain. Once he had both himself and Rey in his clutches there was no way he would let either of them go.

But Ben had no intention of giving himself up. Snoke was powerful, and could teach him any things Luke could not but Ben was determined not to fall to the dark side. He would succeed where everyone, including his grandfather, had failed. He would use both sides of the Force to become the most powerful ever - not Jedi or Sith, but something greater.

First he had to fix things. Snoke could have Valara, and then she'd be out of the way. Ben would then return to Devaron with Rey triumphant, her saviour, and Luke would be forever grateful.


	32. Chapter 32

**20 ABY, Jedi Temple, Devaron**

It was past midnight by the time Luke heard from Han, and he was able to give him a quick overview of the situation.

"Is Ben in any danger?" Han's first question.

"He's safe inside the Temple," Luke assured him. "Apparently there were some suspicious characters at the pub who left the same day Valara and Rey were taken. As far as I can tell there is no immediate threat to Ben or any of the other students."

"Suspicious characters." Han seemed somewhat sceptical. "It's a pub, Luke, do you really think that's a solid lead?"

"It's the only one we have," Luke said, feeling somewhat defensive. "I was about to head down to the jungle, see if I can pick up anything through the Force."

"I hope you find something," Han said, but Luke had known him long enough to tell when he was holding back.

"Han, just say whatever's on your mind."

"It's just, have you thought, maybe…"

"What?" Luke asked, his voice terse. It wasn't like Han at all to be so hesitant, so Luke knew he wasn't going to like whatever he was about to suggest.

"Well, you said you and V had a fight recently..." Han trailed off, but his meaning was clear.

Luke regretted ever speaking to Han about it, although he'd felt it appropriate to mention Valara's concerns about Ben even if he'd left out the specifics. "It was a disagreement," he corrected him. "Then we found a common ground, and things have been fine since then."

"Look, kid, I know this is hard to hear, but Valara does have a history of taking off when things get tough."

"No," Luke shook his head. "No, she wouldn't do that, not now. And certainly not with our child."

"Okay," Han said. "I just...wanted to bring it up, you know, as a possibility."

"I wish she had," Luke admitted, starting to feel overwhelmed. "I wish she had run off somewhere with Rey, at least then I would know they both were safe." His voice cracked, and Luke put his head in his hands.

"What can I do Luke?" Han asked, his voice soft. "I'll ditch this race and come to Devaron straight away."

"No." Luke calmed himself. "If these were bounty hunters my only hope of tracking them is through the underground. Do you still have contacts inside?"

"Sure," Han nodded. "Nar Shaddaa is the best place to start - I can be there as fast as the Falcon can fly."

"Thank you Han," Luke said. "I'll meet you there."

"We'll find them," Han promised, and ended the call. Luke tried Leia again but she was still out of contact; he left a secure message explaining what had happened, and that he and Han were on the case. He had no doubt she would come to Devaron the moment she got the message to be with Ben, and Luke thought that for the best.

He sent instructions down to the hangar to have his X-Wing prepared straight away, and despite the late hour set off into the jungle, tracing Valara's steps. Once outside the protective shield he knew she always took the main road towards Tikaroo, and when Luke reached out through the Force he could still feel traces of her and Rey on the path, in the trees, and the air.

About halfway to town the feeling changed, and he tasted panic. In the back of his mind he heard Valara's voice telling Rey to run, followed by the taunts of others unfamiliar to him. He could sense death also, and for a moment Luke panicked before telling himself that if Valara or Rey had died he would have felt it. Wouldn't he? He'd felt his father die in the Force, but he'd been right there next to him and despite the attempts at deepest meditation Luke had been unable to reach out to Valara since he'd been taken.

Yoda had once told him dismissively that that the Force was not a homing beacon or a transmitter when Luke had asked how he'd been able to watch him grow up on Tatooine all the way from Dagobah. The Force had shown him glimpses of Luke's young life, but he'd known where to look and he had to admit that Yoda had far more experience and knowledge of the Force than he did. He would need to rely on his other skills if he was to find his family.

Luke ignited his lightsaber and the jungle lit up with an eerie glow. There was blood on the ground hidden under some loose leave, and Luke crouched down to examine it, pressing his palm against the wet ground and reaching out to the Force for answers. There were three distinct signatures, and Luke breathed a sigh of relief that none of them matched Valara or Rey.

He collected the blood samples for analysis back at the Temple, perhaps they could identify the culprits even though their bodies had been removed. Whoever these people had been, they wanted to cover their tracks.

By the time he returned to the Temple his X-Wing was ready to go, Artoo already in his compartment. Ben was waiting for him, as was Maliak to whom he gave the blood samples.

"We'll get these analysed straight away, Luke," Maliak promised. "And send you the details."

"Thank you my friend," he said, shaking Maliak's hand firmly. "Again, I leave the Temple in your safe hands."

Maliak looked down shamefully. "Perhaps not so safe anymore," he said. "I feel somewhat responsible."

"No, don't think that way," Luke told him firmly. "This was planned, there was no way you could have known."

"I hope you bring them both back soon," Maliak said, raising his gaze again. "This place isn't the same without dear Rey."

Luke nodded and turned to Ben. "You can't come with me," he said before the boy could ask.

"I know." Ben shuffled from one foot to the other. "I just wanted to wish you good luck."

Luke drew his nephew in for a hug, patting his back lightly. "I've left a message for your mother, with any luck she'll get it soon and come straight here."

Ben stiffened slightly in his arms. "And my father?"

Luke pulled away, no doubt Ben thought him overprotective by sending for his parents. "Han's meeting me on Nar Shardaa."

"Okay, good." Ben nodded. "Uncle Luke, if there's anything I can do…"

"Just stay safe." Luke patted his cheek. "Please."

* * *

Ben watched his Uncle's X-Wing disappear into the dark sky above, and felt Maliak's hand on his shoulder that the Abednedo no doubt thought was comforting.

"Don't worry Ben," he said. "All will be well."

"I know." Ben nodded, although his hopes of a resolution to the matter no doubt differed from Maliak's. "I think I'd like to be alone."

"Of course." Maliak nodded and retreated. "Let me know if you need anything."

Ben went back to his room to prepare, first channeling his private comm to transfer all calls to a portable unit. He knew his mother would call him as soon as she got the message about Rey's abduction, and after that he'd have a day or so before she arrived on Devaron. That didn't leave him with much time, but it was all Ben had to work with.

Next he implemented a new skill he'd been taught by Snoke - ghosting his Force presence in his room so he would still seem to be inside. It was crude, and Ben would need to take the chance that Maliak wouldn't disturb his privacy too much - the ghost presence could answer to enquiries but had no physical form. As long as no one actually entered the room he should get away with it, he just didn't need anyone blabbling to his mother or Luke before he returned with Rey. He'd be forgiven for breaking his Uncle's decree not to leave the Temple if he was successful, and his mother would scold him but privately think him brave.

When he was sure the entire Temple was asleep Ben crept back to the hangar and surveyed the ships on offer. He settled on an A-Wing that Luke had acquired a few years earlier and rarely flew, certain that no one would notice it was gone. Punching in the coordinates Snoke had given him Ben realised it was close to the Imperial Capital of Rakata Prime and wondered whether he still had ties to that regime or if he was planning on framing them for Rey's abduction.

Ben decided it hardly mattered now with the plan changed, and pushed the A-Wing up and away from the Temple.

* * *

 **Bounty hunter vessel** _**Octavia** _ **, Unknown Regions**

Valara was dragged violently from the hold and into the cockpit where her three remaining captors were waiting for her.

"Sit down luv," the Human invited her and when Valara held her ground she was shoved into a seat by the Gamorrean's rough hand on her shoulder.

"Not so tough without your staff, are you?" The Zabrak sneered at her. She located his exact presence in the Force and stared at him in the way she knew unnerved people.

"Don't be so sure." Valara was already cataloguing her surroundings and assessing weak points, determined that she would not be at their mercy for long.

"I wouldn't talk back if I were you." The Human approached her, and Valara felt the tip of a blade trace her swollen jaw, making her flinch. "We have orders to deliver you and the girl alive, but that doesn't mean we won't hurt her."

Valara pretended to be cowed. "And who are you taking your orders from?" she asked softly.

"You're about to find out." The Human chuckled to himself. A beeping from the console indicated that a ship had just pulled out of hyperspace.

" _Octavia_ , this the First Order," a familiar crisp voice came through the comm and Valara felt her heart sink - she should have known. "Do you have to cargo?"

"Do you have the credits?" The Zabrack was at the console.

"Of course. Payment on delivery."

"Well come on over then," the Human said, clearly annoyed.

"There's been a change of plans." The voice was dripping with derision. "We have an intermediary, he'll arrive soon and collect the package."

"Package?" Valara seethed. "I swear Brendol Hux, I'll kill you for this."

"Valara my dear, how lovely to hear your threats again." Hux's smug smile could almost be heard through the comm. "However toothless they are."

She clamped her mouth shut to give the impression that he'd scored a point, instead she continued to catalogue the inside of the ship, waiting for the perfect moment of distraction. A beeping emanated from the console indicating the arrival of another ship, and she reached out through the Force trying to get a read on this so-called intermediary. A waft of familiarity passed over Valara and her blood ran cold and all her suspicions were confirmed.

"Ah," Hux said. "Here is our friend now, although he is more like family to you, isn't he Valara? How bitterly crushed you must feel to be betrayed like this, and yet somehow it seems fitting given your own propensity for treason."

A sear of pain went through Valara's broken jaw as she clenched her teeth, her anger turning to red-hot fury. There was no hail from the other ship, and Valara reached out again through the Force, trying to touch Ben's mind. He recoiled quickly, and she briefly felt his panic before he strengthened his mental walls to keep her out. Clearly, he had not wanted her to know that he was involved, but she pushed aside the complications of that to focus on the task at hand.

Valara shut her eyes as if overcome with grief and defeat, while reaching out to ensure that her three captors were fooled. They were haggling with Hux over price, who was not pleased and said that his ship's guns were in the process of disabling their vessel if they did not allow themselves to be boarded.

"Do that and you'll get half the cargo," the Zabrak sneered, hauling Valara to her feet and dragging her over to the comm unit. His hand gripped her jaw and she winced in pain - that didn't have the desired effect, so the Human drew his blade and pressed it to her neck, warm blood blossoming under the tip and causing Valara to cry out. She realised that this was why they'd brought her up alone, in case she needed to be made an example of to get a higher bounty for Rey.

She heard Hux growl through the comm. "Solo," he barked, "get over there and use your Jedi tricks." At the same time an explosion rocked the ship as their shields were targeted, and Valara seized upon the moment, twisting the Human's wrist, taking the blade and lodging it deeply into his temple within the space of three seconds. He fell to the floor lifelessly as the Zabrak lunged at her, and Valara called his blaster to her hand and fired three times sending him down as well. The Gammorean had been slower to react but nonetheless advanced on her and knocked the blaster from her hand. They engaged in direct combat and he quickly gained the upper hand due to his brute strength, digging his claws deeply into her thigh and twisting her leg painfully. But Valara refused to fall, drawing on the Force to fuel her adrenaline and punch the Gamorrean's weak spot on his belly.

The shop rocked again with another hit from Hux, and Valara used the momentarily loss of balance to knock the Gamorrean head-first into the console. He grasped his snout in pain and began to flail, Valara using the opportunity to jump on his back, grab his head firmly and with all her strength snap his neck.

Without giving a second thought to what she'd done, Valara fumbled along the console, reaching out through the Force into the machinery as she'd taught herself to do fixing her X-Wing and finding the controls to release Rey from the hold.

"Rey!" she called to her daughter. "Come here, it's okay." She heard the pattering of Rey's feet on the floor, the abrupt stop and gasp as she no doubt saw the carnage on the floor. "Don't look at them," Valara instructed her, sinking down into the pilot's chair. "I need you to help me now."

The ship rocked again from another blast and an urgent beeping told her that the shields had failed. Rey rushed over and Valara drew her onto her lap, avoiding her injured leg.

"Mummy, another ship is almost on us." Rey had spent enough time flying with Luke to pick up the controls and Valara trusted her eyes - it meant Ben was close.

" _Octavia_ , do you relent?" Hux's voice again, and Valara shut off the comm - hopefully they wouldn't realise she had taken control of the ship just yet. She felt for the flying controls and lurched the ship away, guided by Rey's frantic direction and her small hands on Valara's. These were not the circumstances under which we had wished to fly again but there was not much choice, reaching out desperately through the Force to help her.

"The other ship's getting closer," Rey said desperately.

"We have to jump to hyperspace," Valara told her, reaching to turn on what she was sure was the navcomputer. "Rey, can you search for a route back to Devaron?"

Rey wiggled off her lap, climbing up on the console to click away at the touch screen. "Mummy, it says it only has 30% left."

Valara swore - it must have been damaged in the blasts from Hux's vessel, probably deliberately so. "Where are we?" she asked Rey, relieved at how calm the girl was. Much like Luke and Valara, the child had always felt at home in a ship.

"The I-lum system," Rey stumbled slightly over the word.

Valara racked her brain - what was close to that? With 30% capacity they could get away with calculating a small jump. Then she remembered - a planet at the remote end of the Western Reaches where she knew she could find help.

"Try Jakku," she instructed Rey, spelling the word out for her while veering the ship to the left to dodge a blast from Ben's ship. They were lucky he'd never been a particularly good pilot or gunner. Reaching out, she felt Hux's ship also in pursuit, although keeping a more measured distance and Valara wondered if it bothered them whether they were captured alive or killed in the process. Who exactly they were taking orders from was something she didn't have time to consider.

"Ah!" Valara reached out for Rey as the ship jolted violently, pulling her daughter back onto her lap so she didn't tumble off the console. But it hadn't been another blast, something had physically bumped them. Surely he hadn't been that stupid and reckless…

"The other ship is on top of us!" Rey squirmed in Valara's arms to get a better look at the console map. Their ship jolted again, and Valara realised Ben's ship must have caught onto their hull.

"That idiot," she muttered to herself. "He'll take us both down."

A beep from the navcomputer indicated it had completed the calculations for the jump, and Valara deposited Rey in the co-pilot's seat and ordered her to buckle up. Then she pulled the lever and they lurched forward into hyperspace.


	33. Chapter 33

**20 ABY, A-Wing above Jakku**

Ben jerked forward against the seat restraints as they came somewhat roughly back into normal space. His ship was still attached to the bounty hunter vessel and he'd been dragged along through the hyperspace tunnel to a barren, beige world. Ben was shaken, checking the instruments and relieved to see that the ship seemed undamaged by the unexpected jump, although in the scope he could see that the other vessel was severely damaged.

"Solo, do you read?" Brendol Hux's voice came through the comm. "Where are you?"

Ben smacked off the comm furiously. He hadn't known Snoke was going to send Hux to the rendezvous point, and he'd given the whole game away. At least the jump had put distance between them, and Ben had no intention of letting them interfere again.

He punched a sequence into the controls, reversing his thrusters away from the bounty hunter ship which forced the A-Wing to disengage from whatever it had snagged on. Unfortunately, a piece of the hull of the other vessel came away as well and for a moment the ship lurched forward, trying to stablise, before freefalling down towards the planet.

Panicking, Ben directed the A-Wing to follow, unsure of what to do. A sinister part of him whispered that all his problems would be solved if no one survived the fall, but he quickly pushed those dark thoughts away. He directed the ship towards the planet and checked the navcomputer to see where he'd been brought to. Jakku - he recognised the name of the last great battle against the Empire but other than that it seemed unimportant. The computer told him it was a desert planet, mostly peopled by scavengers who ransacked the fallen ships for parts. He wondered why Valara had chosen to come here, or perhaps she'd just chosen the name of any planet she'd recognised, he was sure Uncle Luke had told him they'd both fought in the battle.

Smoke billowed from the bounty hunter ship as it broke through the planet's atmosphere, hurtling towards the planet. He followed, and soon saw that the ship's descent began to slow. Ben felt a tug in the Force and realised Valara must be expending vast amounts of energy trying to stop the fall. But she was untrained and not nearly powerful enough, although perhaps her efforts would be enough to allow them both to survive the crash.

Ben reached out to assist her, pushing away the dark insistence to let them fall. The ship slowed but still hit the sand with violent force, and Ben brought his A-Wing in for a safe landing nearby. He waited for a few moments, a stray thought that perhaps the bounty hunters were still alive, but he soon saw Valara emerge from the ship holding Rey's hand.

She was clearly injured, blood on her neck and running down one leg which she dragged behind her. Rey looked terrified, tears running down her cheeks as she followed her mother, and Ben, satisfied that Valara must have killed the bounty hunters, emerged from the A-Wing to follow them.

"Rey!" he called out to her, and the little girl turned at the sound of his voice.

"Ben?" Her face lit up and she ran towards him. "Quick, Mummy is hurt real bad!"

"Rey, no!" Valara called after her, the movement making her wince and grasp her injured leg. "Get away from him."

"But he's come to rescue us!" Rey protested, taking Ben's hand and leading him back to where Valara was struggling in the sand to get to them.

"That's right, Aunt V," Ben made his voice smooth. "I'm here to help."

"Don't lie to me," Valara snapped, reaching for Rey and pulling the child back to her side. "I know you're involved in this, how else would Hux be expecting you?"

"I fooled them," Ben lied quickly. "Made them think I was on their side so I could find out where you were, and then bring you home."

Valara clearly wasn't fooled, he felt her animosity burn stronger than he'd ever felt it. She'd always suspected he was being pulled by the dark and now she felt she was vindicated, albeit in the worst way. She attempted to turn and run again, but was hampered by her injured leg and Ben almost laughed to see it, his proud Aunt completely vulnerable, without even her trusty staff to attack him with.

"What are you planning to do?" Ben called after her, reaching out his hand and pushing roughly through her mind. "Hide her with...Lor San Tekka?" he plucked the answer so easily that Valara fell to the ground, breathless. He hadn't been aware she'd known the old man, that complicated things slightly. But it was clear she hadn't been able to contact him, Ben knew the shots Hux had fired at the ship had taken out their communications.

"You've gotten pretty good at that," Valara said, pressing a hand to her forehead while Rey hugged her mother around the neck, clearly with no idea what was going on.

"I've always been good at that," Ben said proudly. "I've been doing it for years, but carefully, so no one would notice. That's how I know. You were all thinking it - that I was too dark, that it was inevitable."

"That's not true," Valara protested, lifting her face towards him and staring with her sightless gaze as if that would help her case. "Your mother believes in you, and so does Luke."

"But my _father_ ," Ben sneered, the old anger burning anew. "Every time I would show my power, every time I made a mistake, or faltered, I would see the fear in his eyes. _There's too much Vader in him_ , he would think. Well, maybe he was right." There was no point denying it now, and again that dark voice whispered that he should just embrace it.

"Prove him wrong," Valara said, tears starting the fall from her red-scarred eyes.

"And _you_ ," Ben said distastefully. "Every look you ever gave me held suspicion, every kind word was false."

Valara shook her head, although he clearly knew better than to try and deny it. "Ben, turn back now," she pleaded with him instead. "Luke will forgive you - he can help you."

"Luke," Ben spat out the name, his resentment and anger released and now unable to be quelled. "He doesn't care about me - once I was his everything; his Jedi heir, his beloved nephew because I was all he had. But then _she_ came along and I was discarded." Rey looked at him, bewildered that he would look at her fiercely, her face starting to crumble again.

"That's not true," Valara said again, and held Rey tighter to her. "Luke loves you so much, he denied that you could ever be capable of this. But he'll understand, he can help you turn back from the dark side."

"There's nothing to turn back from," Ben declared, raising his chin. "I'm in complete control."

"So said everyone who fell before you," Valara snapped, her conciliatory tone gone which confirmed to Ben that it had only ever been a feint. She was as deceitful and dangerous as she had ever been, and Ben he knew he could not let her go.

"They weren't strong like I am," he said proudly, in defiance of her claim. "I will be able to control both the light and dark, I will greater than any of them."

A ship entering the atmosphere above caught his attention and Ben felt his confidence shrink - Hux must have tracked them and he cursed the man's determination. They would scan the planet's surface and although they would be hampered by the presence of so many downed vessels they'd locate him eventually. Then they'd all be taken back to Snoke and everything would be ruined.

"Here come your masters," Valara taunted him bitterly.

"I don't work for them!" Ben roared, waving his hand as if to push away her accusation. And just like it had been on the jungle hunt with Rey, the Force followed and Valara was pushed back into the sand as if she'd been violently struck. Rey wailed and looked at him, her little heart broken that her beloved cousin could hurt her mother. In the jungle she'd thought it her fault, but now she saw what Ben was capable of, her eyes narrowing in fear of him for the first time.

"Stop it!" she cried through bitter tears. "Stop it!"

"It's alright, Rey." Valara sat up gingerly, reaching for her daughter to comfort her. "Everything's going to be okay."

"That's right, Valara," he said, reminding himself that everything was still in his control until Hux found them. "Lie to your daughter, it's the last thing she'll ever hear from you."

His mind was racing with options - he could still take Rey in the A-Wing and hope they would escape. It was unlikely, though, the small ship wasn't much match for Hux's superior cruiser. And this hadn't played out like he'd planned at all, he'd wanted to come swooping in to save Rey so she could tell Luke exactly that when Ben returned with her. Even if he was somehow able to mind trick her into believing Ben had saved her, Luke would surely sense something was wrong and begin to suspect. Eventually, Rey would remember.

He could take Valara and Rey to Snoke, and convince him that he was better placed still at Luke's Academy. Even if that worked, it was simply shifting the problem. Snoke would have Luke Skywalker's child in his clutches, and then what use could he be to Ben? No, Ben still had much he wanted Snoke to teach him, and would not be usurped by Rey once again.

The darkness called to him, telling him exactly what to do. With both Rey and Valara gone all his problems would be solved - Snoke would still need him, still want to turn him to the dark side, and Ben could make sure that he would let him return to Devaron. There he would be Luke's heir again, the only family on the planet he had left.

"Please." Valara held Rey closer to her, perhaps sensing Ben's emotional shift. "Don't do this. You don't have to do this."

Ben looked at Rey, who stared back at him with large hazel eyes, her cheeks wet. Could he really kill her, his own family, his own blood? A child who bore no fault for being born the daughter of Luke Skywalker, who was not responsible for the sins of her mother.

"Didn't you tell me once you made your first kill at sixteen?" Ben taunted his aunt, delaying his decision. "Ironic, isn't it?"

"No, it's a lesson," Valara said, a tear skimming down her cheek. "Don't make the same mistake I did, and think that such an act would cause you anything but regret."

There was a another option, Ben realised, to keep Rey out of the way but not needing to end the girl's life and have her innocence on his conscience. She still had Skywalker blood, after all, and for that reason alone Ben knew he could not kill her, just as he could not kill his uncle. Their bloodline was sacred, and he could not bring himself to end Rey's life.

Ben looked to the township in the distance - scavengers, most likely. He saw a group of them approaching, no doubt attracted by the crash. A bulbous Crolute was leading them, Ben saw that there were two children among the group dressed in sandy robes stained with grease.

He looked back to Valara on the ground, the wound in her leg still bleeding. Her face held a deathly pallor and she was clearly exhausted, Rey pressing her tear-stained face against her chest as she sobbed quietly. They clearly weren't going anywhere.

"Stay here," Ben ordered Valara as he swept past them. "And if you're lucky I won't kill you in front of her."

* * *

Valara hugged Rey to her and stroked her hair, despair overwhelming her. Pain laced through the injury on her leg, and she collapsed back into the sand when she tried to rise. There was no way she could move, not even with the help of the Force. Besides, there was nowhere to go, the bounty hunter vessel would never fly again and Ben held the ignition key for the A-Wing. Sand surrounded them for miles and the sun beat down harshly, it was no place for a child.

"Rey," Valara hugged her daughter tightly. "I love you, always remember that."

"I want to go home" Rey sniffed, emotionally shattered by the events of the past few days.

"I know." Valara stroked her hair, and heard a scuffling in the sand indicating Ben had returned. She sensed another presence, one which was vaguely familiar.

"Unkar Plutt," Valara called to him, seizing on the opportunity. "Do you remember me? It's Valara, please you have to help."

"Is this the child?" Unkar ignored her.

"That's her," Ben said, dragging Rey away by the arm. "She'll make a good scavenger for you."

Valara reached out for Rey, tugging the girl back into her arms. "No! Unkar, please, I don't know what deal you've made with him, but if you help us you'll be rewarded."

Unkar scoffed. "You? All you had to offer when you lived here was trinkets from those religious nuts."

"My husband is Luke Skywalker," she told him. "This is his daughter."

"Luke Skywalker?" Unkar let out a bellowing laugh. "He's nothing but a fairy story your friends tell around their campfires. I make deals based on what people can show me, not promises."

"Give it up, Valara," Ben said harshly, and started to pull Rey away again. "It's over."

"Mama, please," Rey sobbed, holding Valara tightly around the neck. "Don't leave me."

She couldn't deny her child, even if Valara knew leaving her was preferable to letting her be taken to Brendol Hux and whoever the slime was working for.

"Let her go," Ben ordered, the Force strong behind his words. But Valara fought his attempt to control her mind, the bond with her daughter too strong. She hugged Rey tighter and shook her head, but soon she felt Ben release his grip on her mind and grasp at her body iinstead, pulling her violently with the Force. Still Valara held firm, both of them slipping back through the sand towards him.

She heard a blaster being drawn by Unkar and the hum of it being charged. She remembered his small army of scavengers, the children he trained himself since they were able to crawl into the small spaces of the ships adults could not reach. It shattered to heart to think that was the life which lay ahead for Rey.

"Let her go," Ben commanded again. "Unless you want your daughter to watch her mother die."

It was the end, Valara knew that - even if she believed Ben could not bring himself to kill Rey, he had no such reservations when it came to herself, and Unkar clearly had no loyalty to her. But Valara could spare Rey the memory of it; give her a simple lie instead. She untangled Rey's arms from around her, cupping her daughter's face in her hands.

"I'll come back for you sweetheart," she whispered. "I promise." With the Force she reached into Rey's mind, barricading her Force signature and memories behind a wall which would only strengthen over time. In the hours and days that would come, Rey would forget everything until her memories were awakened - Valara only hoped that Luke would still be able to find her. It was a terrible thing to do to a child, but she knew it would make things easier for Rey, especially if Unkar would punish her for telling tales of being kidnapped. No, better to let her stay hidden and safe, it was better than the alternative.

Rey's tears subsided, and her presence in the Force dimmed slightly even if she was still outwardly upset. Ben grabbed Valara by the arm and she had no strength left to fight, another such massive and unusual use of the Force draining her severely.

"No…." Rey wailed as she was pulled by Unkar from Valara's grip. "Don't leave."

Valara allowed herself to be dragged back into the A-Wing as hot tears streamed down her face. She had not fight left in her, afraid that if she struggled any more Ben would decide it was too much trouble and kill them both. There wasn't any doubt in her mind now that he was capable of it

"Mama!" she heard Rey's screams as the canopy of the A-Wing closed over them. "Ben, don't go! Come back! Come back!" Every pitiful wail ripped at her heart, and Valara twisted so Ben could not see her full distress, It was difficult, the A-Wing was really only built for a single pilot with some extra space for cargo, and Valara pressed herself against the side and pressed one hand against the window as they too off. Even though she couldn't see out of it or hear Rey's cried for her to return, she still felt the tug through the Force. Rey's presence in the Force had been entwined with Valara's since the moment of her birth but it was now unravelling and it was her own doing.

Valara couldn't choke down her sobs and hugged her arms around herself. Empty arms, with no child to hold and soothe and comfort. As they flew away she could still feel Rey calling out to them, unable to understand why her mother and the cousin she adored had abandoned her. But it grew distant, and Valara knew it was the end. She should kill Ben, choke him with her bare hands or force the ship to crash taking them both out. But Valara knew she couldn't do it, couldn't end of the life of the boy Luke loved so much, not Leia's only son who was still so much a child. Her shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Well get it over with," she told him. Between the pain in her leg and agony in her heart she almost welcomed it.

"Whatever do you mean?" he asked, his voice once again indifferent although she suspected he was putting slightly too much effort into it.

"Aren't you going to kill me?" she asked. "I thought you were just sparing Rey. Although that hardly seems like a kindness considering all the pain you've cause her already."

"I saved her," Ben insisted. "Despite what you think, I didn't know you both were going to be taken. I'd done the best I could to spare her fate."

Valara scoffed, unable to listen to his justifications. "The best you could have done is to take us home. All you've done is what's best for yourself.  Your mother would be ashamed of you."

"I guess it's a good thing she'll never know then," Ben said confidently, and Valara felt her anger surge anew at his continued arrogance.

"You'll never get away with this," she spat at him. "Luke will know, he'll sense the evil in your heart, you'll reek with the dark side after this."

"No, I don't think so." Ben punched in a few buttons on the console which indicated they were slowing down, not heading for hyperspace. "This is the means to an end nothing more."

She no longer had any doubts that he taking her to Hux and whoever he had aligned himself with - it must be someone steeped in the dark side, to tempt Ben so. She would not doubt be interrogated, and Valara drew inward, replacing her memories of Rey being left with those of her fragile little body still and lifeless after the crash on Jakku's surface. She imagined herself crying over her daughter, tugging desperately at the restraints but being unable to release her in time. She saw herself dragged from the crash by Ben before the ship exploded in smoke and fire. A hint of truth, that's what made a false memory seem real.

Heedless to the agony in her heart, Valara replayed the images over and over in her mind until it seemed like the truth. Anyone probing her mind would see those memories and nothing more, keeping Rey undiscovered. That was all she could do for her daughter, except try and escape so she could keep her promise to come back for her.

* * *

 Ben felt rather exhausted by the time he landed the A-Wing in the hangar of Hux's ship. But he steeled himself, knowing he had to pass the next test. Valara had thankfully shut up, and he had felt a small shift in the Force which seemed to indicate that she was making adjustments to her own mind. Frankly he was shocked she had any energy left at all, but as her shields were nonexistent it was easy to see what she was doing.

Clever really, to make it seem like Rey had died. She was doing him a favour, since Snoke might try and look into her mind to check the veracity of the story. Rey would be a great loss to him, but he would believe it if Ben made sure his tale matched Valara's.

"Why do you hate me so much, Ben? "Valara asked softly from where she was pressed against the side of the ship. "I know I wasn't always as...kind to you as I should have been, but I tried. At least give me credit for that."

Ben wasn't about to give her credit for anything. "Get out," he ordered her, tugging on her arm as he exited the A-Wing. She didn't pull away, allowing herself to led, limping, across the silvery hangar floor.

A tall man stepped out of the shadows, his ginger hair gone grey but his cold sneer exactly the same as when Ben had met him years ago on Coruscant. A young man about Ben's age or perhaps a bit older stood was beside him; red hair, stern features and lip curl all clear replications of his father. Ben hated him immediately.

"You know General Hux I believe?" Ben nudged Valara forward and he saw her features harden.

"Where's the girl?" Hux demanded, his eyes narrowing to slits.

Valara began to sob, and she sank to the floor clutching at her hair - a rather good performance, Ben thought begrudgingly.

"Died in the crash," Ben said, imbuing truth behind the words with the Force. He would need to create false memories of his own before he talked to Snoke, but for now it was enough to convince Hux, who shrugged it off.

"The Supreme Leader will be displeased," he said, but it seemed to be of little importance to the man himself. "But I'm sure you'll satisfy him."

"I'm not going to see him," Ben said firmly. "I'm going back to the Temple."

Hux's son was outraged. "You made a deal with Lord Snoke, you must come with us."

"I agreed to come to Snoke if he let Rey go," Ben said slowly. "She's dead, so the deal is off. He can still have her." He gestured to Valara, who was still faux-crying but seemed to be listening to their conversation with interest.

"Plead your case to him directly," Hux sneered, but Ben shucked off his grip when a stormtrooper reached for him.

"No, I need to get back to Devaron," playing his trump card. "Unless you want your whole operation exposed."

"What?"

"On the way here I sent a message back to the Temple," Ben explained. "Claiming that you abducted me, explaining all about your growing forces in the Unknown Regions. If I don't come back they'll find it when they search my room, and then you'll have Luke Skywalker coming after you, not to mention my mother with the might of the New Republic behind her."

There was a tense silence for a few moments while Ben's threat sunk in - Hux's son had gone bright red with anger as he glared contemptuously at Ben. Brendol, however, didn't seem as offended, or perhaps he was impressed with Ben's ingenuity.

"Fine." Hux waved a hand. "Go before I change my mind."

Ben walked back to the A-Wing, but paused to see what they were going to do with Valara. A sliver of guilt stabbed at him but he pushed it away, telling himself that the ends justified the means.

"Who is this Lord Snoke," Valara asked, still on the floor likely without the strength to stand. "Some Imperial relic you dug u?."

Hux chuckled. "You don't know how apt that is."

"I'm surprised you would take orders from him Hux," Valara taunted him. "But then, you were never much good at anything except being told what to do."

The boy seemed outraged on behalf of his father, stepping forward and slapping Valara hard across the face. To her credit she didn't flinch, although perhaps her was beyond pain.

"You'll meet Lord Snoke soon enough," Hux assured her. "He knows what to do with you."

"Is that so?" Valara said dryly. "I hope it's more impressive than a slap to the face."

"You were once a servant of the Empire, and you can be again for the First Order." Hux smiled with sinister intent. "You just need a little….persuasion."

For the first time Valara seemed frightened. "What do you mean by that?"

"We call it Reconditioning." Hux looked positively gleeful. "A new programme which needs a test subject."

"Reconditioning?" Valara went white. "No!"

Ben grimaced as his Aunt was dragged away screaming in protest and fear, that nagging sense of guilt now difficult to shake. But he'd made his decisions, there was no turning back now. He could only pledge that he would never do something like that again, a renewed commitment not to fall to the dark side but only use it if needed.

He climbed back into the A-Wing and set a course back to Devaron, knowing he would need to use the time in hyperspace to cleanse himself of all doubt and guilt lest Luke of his mother picked up on it.

He would mourn for Rey and Valara with the rest of them, and never let on his terrible secret.


	34. Chapter 34

**20 ABY, Freeman City, Nar Shaddaa**

"They've really cleaned this place up." Han looked around the streets filled with grime and the yellow, polluted sky above. Luke gave him a look which indicated he wasn't in the mood for jokes, and they continued to walk in silence.

So far they'd found no trace of anyone who knew about a bounty on Valara or Rey, not even among the Hutt families. Their influence had been dwindling since the imprisonment of Grakkus and the death of Jabba, but even the bounty on Luke's own head had been rescinded since the Hutts had made some kind of trade deal with the New Republic. Han had spoken to Matta the Hutt who'd indicated that since he'd directly profited from Jabba's death by acquiring his assets he'd have more reason to thank Luke than disrupt his life. Others he'd approached were simply happy as long as Luke kept his Jedi isolated on Devaron and weren't meddling in their affairs - so the Hutt angle seemed like a dead end.

"Here it is," Han said as they approached a small bar with a facade a great deal cleaner and flashier than any of the others on the street. The inside was a vast improvement on the other establishments they'd frequented, and when they took a seat in a booth the droid attendant brought them drinks that were in clean glasses.

"And here I was beginning to think cleaning fluid was outlawed," said Han as he examined the amber liquid through the gleaming glass before taking a sip. Luke didn't even seem to hear him, drinking his ale quietly, gaze fixed on the door. Han could sympathise, he didn't know what he'd do if anything ever happened to Leia or Ben - shut down, probably, just like Luke seemed to have done. But there was still hope, Han told himself, just because they hadn't found anything so far didn't mean they weren't going to.

He turned his attention to the door as well, and soon enough in walked Lando Calrissian in his customary fine clothes but without his usual grin.

"Luke," Lando slipped into the booth and squeezed Luke's arm. "I wish I was seeing you both under better circumstances."

"Me too," Luke said, his face still grim. "Do you think you can help?"

"I've got my finger on the pulse here," Lando said, unable to clamp down on his pride. "This place doesn't just serve the best nerf-pie in Hutt Space, I've got my share of pursuits running through it."

"So much for the legitimate businessman," Han couldn't help but needle him.

"Hey," Lando shrugged. "Within New Republic space, everything is above board. But out here? Let's just say you gotta swim with the sharks if you don't want to be eaten yourself."

"And you haven't heard anything about a bounty my family?" Luke asked.

Lando shook his head slowly. "Sorry, no, although no one would come to any of my people for that of course. But I'll put some feelers out, see what I can find. With that kind of score, someone's going to want to brag about it."

"Or they've been paid well to keep quiet," Han observed. "No one wants a Jedi Master coming after them."

Luke suddenly paled and he leant back in his seat, putting one hand to his head as if he was in physical pain.

"What is it Luke?" Han touched his shoulder, concerned because it seemed like a reaction to something other than the conversation.

"I just feel…" Luke trailed off. "Something's not right."

"Is it...?" Han almost didn't want to now, but would never doubt Luke's Force instincts.

"I felt something earlier too," Luke said, head still in his hands. "I dismissed it, not wanting to believe, but…"

Lando glanced at Han with shared impotence, they could neither imagine what Luke was feeling nor knew any way to help him. Luke took a deep breath and steeled himself looking up with a look of set determination.

"They're not dead," he declared. "I think this is something else, a...distancing but not a break."

"Go back home," Lando suggested gently. "I'll have my people look into things further here and through every other channel available to me. We'll find them Luke, I promise."

Han realised he'd said the exact same thing to Luke when he'd first heard, but was acutely aware that it may just be a promise that would remain unfulfilled.

* * *

**Jedi Temple, Devaron**

Ben arrived back on Devaron just as dawn was breaking. He didn't want to risk being seen arriving back at the Temple hangar and so landed in the forest just outside the shield and returned through the underground tunnels which lead back into the main structure.

It was early enough that the halls were deserted, most people probably up attending morning meditation at the Force tree and the rest still asleep. Ben crept back to his room to find the ghost presence he'd left was still lingering, and shooed it away with a wave of his hand. His comm unit was blinking, and Ben played the message he'd sent from the A-Wing that had guaranteed his safe return, then deleted it. There was another message after it, and with some trepidation he played it.

"Ben, please pick up the comm." His mother's voice, warm but frantic. "Alright, I know how upset you must be," she added after a long pause. "I've just left and I'm coming straight there, alright? Whatever you do don't leave the safety of the Temple. I love you."

Ben breathed a sigh of relief, his mother was still on her way which gave him time to fortify his mind so she wouldn't sense anything amiss. He spent an hour or so in meditation working in it before heading down to the mess for breakfast.

He chose a table by himself and ignored the sympathetic looks of the other students, although they knew well enough to leave him alone. Ben ate quietly for a few moments before someone placed a tray down on the table and slid onto the seat opposite him. It was Nada Yilu, one of the more experienced students and while he and Ben were not quite friends, there was a mutual respect.

"Ben," Nada nodded to him, a strange sort of smile on his face. "Good to see you back."

For a moment Ben panicked, and then quickly calmed himself since the phrase could mean any number of things. "Well, I can't stay in my room forever," he said cautiously, subtly probing Nada's mind through the Force. He was only marginally skilled which is why he'd been at the Temple so long without being knighted, and Ben easily sifted through his thoughts. Nada was evidently quite pleased with himself for some reason.

"Right," Nada's smug smile widened. "Your room, of course. Everyone must know how devastated you must be that your aunt and cousin were abducted."

Ben recalled that Nada had no love for Valara himself - she'd humiliated him during his first few weeks in front of the entire combat class and his pride had never recovered. Whenever she'd given Ben cause for irritation, he'd always found a sympathetic ear in Nada.

Ben nonchalantly took a bite of his eggs and chewed carefully while he read Nada's mind, giving him a good idea of where the conversation was going. "It's a terrible situation, I only wish I'd been able to accompany Luke and my father to look for them," he said, finding that more more he lied the easier it had become. "It felt wrong to just go on as if nothing had happened, so I wanted to be alone."

"You know it's funny," Nada examined his fingernails. "Maliak asked me to check on you yesterday, see how you were doing. I came to your room and heard your voice, but when I entered you weren't there."

"So?" Ben kept a cool mask of indifference.

"So, I told Maliak that you were fine and we'd talked for a bit, but you needed some rest and no one else should disturb you."

Ben held Nada's gaze for a few long moments as he completed the read of his thoughts and intentions. The dark voice inside him whispered that Nada could be a useful ally despite his limited Force potential, if he handled him correctly.

"Thank you," he said with a smile as sincere as he could make it.

"Hey, guys like us need to stick together," Nada tapped his index finger on the table for emphasis. "I know Luke doesn't put much stock in that kind of thing, but you're a Prince of Alderaan. That means something to me."

Ben didn't often invoke his mother's title, she'd all but abandoned it herself and there was little prestige that went along with it, the very definition of a hollow crown. Besides, he didn't have Alderaanian blood, his legacy was the Force. But he knew that courting and accepting good opinion in others was crucial, especially now. He'd neglected that so far at the Temple, and pledged to work harder at forming allies in case they were needed in the future.

"To me also," Ben said, straightening his posture and trying to sound regal. "Not everyone here can appreciate that sort of thing, but we do, don't we Nada?"

"Indeed." Nada smiled and moved his tray as he stood. "I see your mother has arrived, so I'll leave you."

Ben turned to see her walking towards him with her quick, determined pace. He stood and within moments she was embracing him, although the act had become rather difficult since he'd outgrown her by several inches.

"Mother." Ben patted her back awkwardly, looking around at the rest of the hall where the sympathetic looks had turned to ones of indulgence. "You're embarrassing me."

"I don't care," Leia declared, hugging him tighter. "I'm just glad you're alright."

"I wasn't even here," Ben said as she released him and he sat back down. She slid onto the bench beside him and kept hold of his hand.

For a moment she looked at him, her keen gaze always analysing, always searching even if she didn't know she was doing it. For a moment something flashed in her eyes, like she'd picked up on something dark in his thoughts, but she immediately dismissed it with a shake of her head.

"I know," she said, squeezing his hand gently. "And I know you're feeling guilty Ben, I can sense it. But this wasn't your fault, alright? Nor is it Luke's, or Maliak's or anyone but the scum who took them."

Ben had to be careful, if he laid it on to thick his mother would know. He simply nodded as if accepting her comfort and turned back to his food glumly, trying his best to eat one-handed.

"I've got the best people I know working on it," Leia continued. "I wouldn't put it past some rogue Imperial with a grudge and I've sent an emissary to Rakata Prime to see what they can find out. And Ben…" Leia cupped his chin with her hand and turned his face towards him. "If you want to come home…" She looked at him pleadingly with her large brown eyes that were difficult to ignore.

He was tempted; all too often he'd watched Luke and Valara with Rey while missing his mother, knowing that they could never show him the kind of love she could. Rey was their whole world, and Ben was Leia's...except he wasn't. At home he'd have to compete with the Senate just like at the Temple he had to compete with Rey. And his mother was untrained, too scared of the dark side, of her biological father's legacy to live up to her true potential.

"I want to Mom," he told her truthfully. "But Uncle Luke needs me. I can't leave him alone, not now."

"Of course," she said, and Ben had to turn away so not to be wounded by her crestfallen expression. "You're a good boy, Ben." She patted his hand and sighed. "I'm so proud of you."

* * *

It was late when Luke returned to Devaron. Leia was on-planet, he sensed her the moment his ship broke through the atmosphere and he wondered ruefully if he'd end up spending the rest of his life wandering from planet to planet trying to feel the presence of Rey or Valara. He did the calculations in his head and just searching the Core would take him thirty thousand years - so hardly a solid plan.

The _Millennium Falcon_ docked beside him in the hangar and given the late hour he sent Han off to Leia and tell her not to worry about him until Luke saw her in the morning. Then he trudged wearily back to his quarters and fell apart as soon as the door slid closed behind him. He'd kept up a strong facade in front of Han but being back home where the sense of them both still lingered everywhere Luke could no longer hold it back. He sat at the table where they shared their meals, Rey chattering away about anything and everything, put his head in his hands and cried till he was raw.

How could this have happened? It had taken years for him to find happiness with Valara and then Rey had come along and he'd never known such joy. He'd said goodbye to them in this very room, drawing Rey in for a cuddle and a promise that he'd be back soon, kissing Valara warmly while she said that she'd miss him. Was this why the old Jedi had forsworn attachments, so they would not feel the pain that was coursing through Luke now? Would he have been better off if Valara had never returned, if he'd never gone to her that night on Corellia? Would she?

Luke drifted aimlessly around their quarters, touching their belongings as if they would give guidance as to what could be done. Everything only reminded him of how perfect things had been in their little family, how happy - Rey's stuffed Wookiee toy that she carried around despite most of the fur having come off, a part from Valara's X-Wing on the counter they'd been working on together. He sat down on their bed and rummaged through the side table, his finger closing around a cool, smooth piece of rock.

It was the stone he'd given her close to twenty years earlier, the old Tatooine symbol for home carved into one side. She'd kept it close to her always, even when they'd been apart and estranged. She'd told him how she'd held it and thought of him, just like he'd intended. He'd never asked her where she'd been in those years they'd been apart, accepting that it was part of her private journey, something to be savoured and reflected on alone.

Luke knew that if he could do it all again, he'd still love her, still want her, still cherish the life they'd shared, and the home they'd made together. He'd never regret anything that had brought about Rey, his little beam of light. That was where the old Jedi had gone wrong, they'd forgotten what it was to care and love and live fiercely. Luke had learned that lesson the hard way, and wasn't about to ignore it now.

His comm unit sounded, and Luke made his way over to the table to answer. A small hologram appeared of a Togruta female with pink and purple lekku of a length which indicated she was now fully grown.

"Laisha," Luke said with relief, "It's good to see you."

"I'm so sorry, Luke." Laisha's voice was warm and full of sympathy although Luke was sick of hearing that particular platitude. "Maliak told me what happened, I can't believe it."

"Neither can I," Luke said ruefully. "It's so...quiet here without them."

"Do you want me to come back? Laisha asked. "I can help in the search."

Luke shook his head, Laisha had left a Jedi Knight on her own quest to find her family. "No, there's no much you can do here, but it's good to hear your voice, Lai. Maybe you could keep an ear out of your own travels?"

"I will," Laisha promised. "I only hope you'll have better luck than I have so far."

"You haven't found any trace of your sisters?" Luke asked, relieved for a moment to focus on someone else's problems.

Laisha sighed. "No. The trail went cold years ago, I'm starting to think I'll never find them, and I'm wondering if there's any point continuing.. Oh, Luke, I'm sorry!" she added frantically when she realised what she'd said. "It's a completely different situation from yours, I know you'll find V and little Rey. _Someone_ must know something."

Luke held up his hand to stop her. "It's alright, Lai. I'm sorry you haven't had any luck, but don't give up. Trust in the Force."

"And you as well, Luke." Laisha nodded intently.

"Do you have any good news for me?" Luke asked. "It would be good to hear some."

"Well…" Laisha sounded somewhat sheepish. "I have met someone, she lost her family during the Civil War too. And she's strong in the Force."

Luke smiled for the first time in days. "And you want to take her as an apprentice."

"Do you think it's too soon?" Laisha asked anxiously. "I've only been a Knight a few years, and I know I still have much to learn myself."

"I can't tell you if you're ready, Laisha," Luke said, slipping back into teacher mode. "You alone can know if it is right that you should train someone."

"I mean, I could send her to the Temple," Laisha suggested. "That would be the proper way."

"But if you thought that was best you would have done so already," Luke pointed out. "You know I don't want a Jedi Order as constrained as the previous one, I am not all knowing, and I'm not always the best teacher."

"Of course you are," Laisha admonished him. "No one knows the Force like you do, Luke."

"But I don't want to be a dictator," Luke told her, "or a figurehead. If you feel you're the right person to train this girl, then trust your instincts, and the Force."

"Thank you Luke," Laisha said with a proud and grateful smile. "I hope one day I can be there for you like you've always been for me."

"Keep in touch."

After he ended the call Luke sat in his room for some time, feeling listless. He wasn't sure what to do, the search was at a dead end until he heard from Lando, but he couldn't bring himself to go straight back to teaching as if nothing had happened. He started to make a list of who else he should call to ask them to help in the search, or at least make enquiries in their local systems - Wedge of course, Evaan, Shara Bey. He was blessed to have so many loyal friends.

There was a knock at the door, and Luke called for them to enter. It was Maliak of course, come to check on him and advise on what had happened while he'd been away. Nothing much, it seemed, a few concerned students but nothing serious.

"Poor Ben kept to his room the whole time," Maliak said, shaking his head. "He's been deeply affected by this, as of course he would be. I had Nada check on him a few times and take him food, but apparently he was distraught and wouldn't come out until his mother arrived this morning."

"He feels guilty," Luke said with a sigh. "And I think he's only now appreciating what he had in them, especially Rey who looked up to him so much."

"Such is the way with family," Maliak nodded. "And I want you to know that all of us here are your family, Luke. We feel your sorrows and worries, and not just through the Force."

Luke appreciated the sentiment, and it warmed his heart to know that his students and friends were there for him. But he also knew he could not let them shoulder his burdens. He'd made a pledge to teach them in the ways of the Force, to be their light and strength in all things.

"Maliak, I don't think we should take on any more students, at least for now," Luke said, the word difficult but he needed to say them. "I'm not sure I'll be able to give the ones we have the attention they deserve."

"I understand." Maliak didn't seem surprised, and likely had already started making arrangements.

"I will need you to take on more responsibilities here. I know you can handle it, and there's no one else I trust."

"Of course."

"I'm not giving up," Luke told him, tightly gripping the worry stone still in his palm. "I don't care how long it takes, I'll find them."


	35. Chapter 35

**28 ABY, Uncharted Planet, Outer Rim**

The Jedi Temple was a crumbling ruin on an uninhabited planet in a long forgotten system, and Ben didn't know why Luke had brought him along on the trip since there seemed to be little of value to find. The interior of the Temple was slightly more interesting, almost every chamber rigged with booby traps and no computer database at all. It seemed that it was far older than even Luke had anticipated, but the information excited him and Ben left him alone to inspect the records which were written on parchment and bound in large volumes preserved only because they had lain undisturbed for so long.

Exactly what Luke was searching for on these trips Ben wasn't quite sure. Knowledge certainly, but Luke didn't elaborate much more than that. Once, Ben had pressed him and Luke had simply given him a strange sort of smile and said _our heritage_. What that meant exactly was anyone's guess and Ben didn't enquire further, rather leaving Luke to his own devices while he explored the various planets alone.

Ben examined an empty chamber he found in the bowels of the Temple, reaching out through the Force asking it to reveal its secrets but there was no response. Still, Ben could sense danger, a tingling at the back of his neck that told him that the room was designed to be a trap. There was only one entrance and on examining it Ben could see that a stone door was designed to slide out from the wall to seal the chamber. Looking up at the high ceiling Ben thought he saw small round rings crisscrossing the stone but there was no way to get closer and examine exactly what they were. Again Ben reached out, this time focusing on the marks and closing his eyes to open himself up to answers.

They weren't marks, Ben realised, they were hollow - holes carved into the rock and only thinly covered by stone at the other end. Above that he felt the overwhelming sense of heaviness, and Ben opened his eyes, a good idea of what it was. Upon further investigation of the walls he found a small catch hidden in the stone, clearly designed to be triggered and set off the trap.

Satisfied that he'd discovered the secrets of the room and with nothing else in the Temple of interest to him, Ben made his way back through the dark hallways and towards the surface. His thoughts, as they often did in the safety of solitude, turned to the subject he always tried to forget and yet somehow never could.

It had been eight years since Rey had been left on Jakku and Ben could only assume she was still there. Luke had certainly never been able to find her, Ben had made sure of that. He'd visited Lor San Tekka himself on his uncle's behalf, since he'd known the old man from childhood. Of course he'd been instructed to ask Lor and his Church if they'd heard anything since Jakku was so close to Imperial space, but instead he'd made polite conversation and had managed to discover that the village had little contact with Unkar Plutt's scavengers and no reason to investigate them without prompting. Once he'd returned to Devaron Ben had informed Luke that there was nothing worth investigating on Jakku or the surrounding systems and his uncle had taken his words at face value with no reason to doubt them.

But that hadn't been the end of it, once Ben turned eighteen he'd constantly be sent on missions and while ordinarily he would have jumped at the chance, they weren't the kind he wanted, tasks of prestige and skill where he could truly put to use what he had learned of the Force. Instead, the search for Rey and Valara went on, with Luke trusting Ben to enquire on his behalf so they could cover more ground. They would hear from a friend in the Outer Rim of a girl around Rey's age with strange powers and Luke would rush halfway across the galaxy to seek her out only for it to turn out to be local gossip. Whispers came from bounty hunters eager to boast that they'd been involved in an attack on the Jedi which always turned out to be simple bravado, or from a hunter getting on in years referring to the Clone Wars. Every time Luke was left disappointed and frustrated but rather than him slowly losing hope as Ben had expected to happen, Luke continued the search with dogged persistence.

In Luke's constant absences, the Temple stagnated. Maliak did the best he could but Luke was the one people had come to train with. The incoming stream of students and acolytes in the early years had slowed to a trickle, and many had left frustrated with the distractions and constant absences of their master. They became even further isolated from the New Republic, with little influence and even less respect. The last time Ben had been to Hosnian Prime visiting his mother he'd noticed a scant regard for Luke and the Jedi - some called them a cult, and others dismissed them as fantasists and naval-gazers

Ever so slowly Ben's disappointment in his Uncle had been turning to hate, for squandering his talent and responsibilities, for being brought down by his attachments, but perhaps most of all for his neglect of Ben. Even now at the age of twenty-three Luke had not taken him on a search for a kyber crystal to build his own lightsaber, nor had he knighted him.

It was an affront, he'd started his training as a boy and had been working at it for well over a decade when Luke himself had only learnt of the Force itself when he was nineteen, and declared himself a Jedi only four years later. He'd come to believe that Snoke had been right all along, that Luke was afraid of Ben's potential and was deliberately holding him back. It had been left to Ben to seek out his find his own crystal and forge his own blade, one that was kept hidden from his uncle at all costs.

Snoke had been right about a lot of things, including the strength of the dark side. Ben had gotten a taste of it when he'd traded Valara's life to the First Order and left Rey on Jakku. It had given him a thrill of power, to know that he was deceiving not only Luke but Snoke as well, who thought Rey had died and so put all of his effort and energy into Ben. It had felt right to be the object of such attention and praise, what he should have been receiving from Luke all along, what he _had_ been receiving until Rey had come along.

Ben had long learned to live with any regrets over his cousin, and had never asked Snoke what had become of his aunt. Sometimes at night he remembered her screaming as they dragged her away and he couldn't sleep but Ben convinced himself that she had brought it on herself. If she'd been more like a mother to him, if she hadn't been suspicious and haughty, if she hadn't been such a distraction to Luke, maybe things could have been different.

The sky was red when Ben existed the Temple and he shielded his eyes against it. The entire system was clouded with electromagnetic radiation and they'd had to fit speciality shields to their ship in order to safely navigate through and so it wasn't in danger parked on the surface. But Ben knew he couldn't linger outside for too long though in case of exposure, and quickly made his way inside.

Only the emergency lights were active to save on power due to the radiation and shields which had also disrupted the communications systems, leaving them somewhat isolated from the rest of the galaxy. For that reason Luke had decided to leave Artoo at the Temple, something the little droid had taken issue with, and Ben had stood there rolling his eyes while Luke had explained to Artoo that it was for his own comfort, and even if he'd come he'd have to remain confined to the ship.

Ben didn't miss the droid - when he'd been younger he'd loved Artoo, who always had a quick quip or amusing story for those who could understand his particular dialect of droid binary. But he had come to grow weary of the droid always at Luke's heels, as if Artoo had appointed himself Luke's protector and personal bodyguard. Ever since what had happened with Valara and Rey Artoo barely left Luke's side, as if he feared something might happen to his master as well.

Ben took his usual place in the co-pilot's chair, noticing a flashing light in the ship's console indicated that they'd received a message. With all of the difficulties with communications it was impossible to know how long ago it had been sent but it was a relief to find that something could get through. Ben flicked the system on, and a small hologram of his mother appeared looking grim and uncharacteristically nervous.

He sat there with mild surprise as Leia told him of her deception in keeping the truth of his heritage from him, and now it had been revealed to the entire galaxy that Darth Vader was her biological father by a political rival. She apologised for keeping the truth from him, and asked that he understand.

When it was finished Ben played the message again. His mother seemed so diminished, tears running down her face as she justified her lies. He wasn't unmoved by it, the love he had for his mother was strong, but she'd turned her back on her true heritage, tried to pretend that it didn't exist. Ben wasn't about to make the same mistake.

It was only after he played the message a third time that Ben realised that the timing wasn't an accident. It was a message from Snoke, somehow he'd planned this or at least engineered the circumstances so the information would be brought to light now, when Ben was with Luke away from the safety of the Jedi Temple. This was the moment Ben had to chose between his two masters, between the dark and the light.

Once he'd thought he could master both but Ben had come to see the truth, that the light was weak. That was obvious in the image of his mother so broken by something which should have given her pride, in Luke as he'd watched hope in him slowly fade over the years. Both his uncle and mother followed the light, and what had it done for them? Leia would lose her political influence, and Luke had already lost most of his. They'd shone in their youth but that sheen had long since faded through hard work with little reward. Ben didn't want to end up like either of them, stymied by politics or more concerned with philosophy than power.

He'd resisted Snoke for so many years, doggedly pursuing the same path his mother and uncle had laid out for him. But for now Ben realised the wisdom Snoke held, the ancient understanding of the Force and the dark side that Luke couldn't even comprehend, let alone master.

Ben was twenty-three years old. The same age his uncle had become a Jedi, and his grandfather a Sith. Ben now had to choose which legacy to follow, and knew that choice would now be irrevocable.

Luke was deep into examining the records when he felt something was wrong, like a shift in the Force. He closed the book he had been studying and rose to try and find the source of the problem.

"Ben?" Luke called out as he walked through the catacombs of the Temple - perhaps he'd uncovered something, who knew what secrets of the Force were within the walls. There was no answer, and Luke searched the various dark corridors and empty chambers careful to avoid the booby traps until he'd found Ben in a small room with a high roof, much taller than the cramped hallway.

Ben was sitting on the floor as if meditating, facing away from the doorway with his hands on his knees. But through the Force Luke felt Ben's mind swirling and not in a meditative state at all.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, approaching Ben cautiously.

"I got a message from Mom," Ben said in a strange, blank tone of voice, still facing away from Luke. "Someone found out about grandfather and revealed it to everyone."

"What about your grandfather?" Luke asked, just in case it was not the obvious.

"That he was Darth Vader," Ben said simply, rising to his feet and turning around to reveal a expression that was impossible to read. "That you and Mom had been lying to everyone."

At first Luke felt only relief, but then it dawned on him how difficult it must be for Leia to deal with. "Is she okay?"

Ben scowled, and Luke belatedly realised that his first concern should probably be his nephew who must be reeling from the knowledge.

"She's dealing with some political issue, I don't know," Ben said dismissively. "She said that she lied because she couldn't deal with it, and not anything to do with me."

"That's true," Luke told him, walking over to Ben. "She's always struggled with the knowledge. You should know Ben, that even though your grandfather did terrible things as an agent of the dark side, he came back to the light in the end. He killed the Emperor to save my life."

But Ben didn't seem to be listening, perhaps he was numb from what he'd just discovered. "Are you sure you didn't tell me because you were afraid I would follow his example?"

"No, that wasn't it at all," Luke told him, laying a hand on his shoulder but Ben shrugged it off, walking past Luke towards the door.

"I am sorry we kept it from you," Luke said, careful not to lay any blame with Leia but treat it as a joint decision. Ben stopped in the doorway, his shoulders visibly tense.

"It was always our intention to explain, but it never seemed like the right time," Luke added, regret flooding him at their complacency, they should have known someone would find out eventually.. "I suppose that's the same justification Obi-Wan and Bail Organa used, and perhaps we've simply repeated their mistakes, but I'm here for you Ben, to answer whatever questions you have."

"It's alright, Uncle Luke," said Ben, strangely calm as he turned back around to face him. "I've known about it for a long time."

"What?" Luke furrowed his brow. "When did you find out?"

"I was...let's see." Ben looked upward as if trying to recall the memory. "I was fifteen when I learned the truth."

"Fifteen…" Luke began to make calculations in his mind, already beginning to draw conclusions he wished with every fibre of his being not to be true.

"But he's always been there," Ben tapped his temple. "In here, whispering to me, helping me, urging me to spot your lies."

Luke blinked as Ben's words sunk in. "You think...that your grandfather is speaking to you through the Force?"

"Why not?" Ben said defiantly. "You said you saw his ghost on Endor, why wouldn't he speak to his grandson."

"I never saw him after that," Luke reminded him. "Nor heard him. How can you be sure-"

"Because I am," Ben snapped, and to Luke he suddenly appeared as he'd never seen him before. There was a dark cloud about him, the swirl of emotions Luke had felt earlier now solidifying. Or perhaps they'd been there for some time, and Ben had just been hiding them.

"Who do you think is speaking to you," Luke asked carefully. "Anakin Skywalker, or Darth Vader?"

"They are both the same," Ben said. "I know you would like believe that Darth Vader was some dark dragon that inhabited your father once he turned to the dark side, but that's just not true Uncle Luke. He was both light and dark, he just never mastered either."

"Is that what you want to do Ben?" Luke asked, suddenly feeling very tired. "Learn of the dark side so you can master it?"

"I've already learnt it," Ben declared, and Luke felt his heart sink. How had he missed this?

"From who?" Luke demanded. "There are no Sith left in the galaxy, I'm sure of that."

"That was your mistake Uncle Luke," Ben told him, his features stern, his voice sharp. "You thought that because there are no Sith the dark side had gone as well. You think the Force is a binary, but I've learned things you can't even imagine, from someone who was here before Jedi or Sith. Lord Snoke had taught me the truth about the Force."

Luke tried to remain calm, thinking that if he could just keep Ben talking he'd find a way to get through to him. "And how long has he been in contact with you?"

Ben smiled in a way that made Luke feel ill. "Longer than you would want to accept."

Luke ran a hand over his mouth, this was worse than he could have imagined. Suddenly he saw Ben with fresh eyes, not the eyes of a loving uncle who overlooked much, but instead those of a Jedi Master who hadn't even realised his pupil was being courted by the dark side. Was this how Obi-Wan had felt when he'd learned of Anakin's betrayal? Sick to the stomach, blaming himself and his blindness, wondering what he could have done to prevent it. But it was worse than that, Luke realised as he came to see the truth.

"This Snoke - he's the one who took Rey and Valara, isn't he?" Luke said, already knowing the answer. "You were involved, and I just didn't want to see it. Valara knew something , that's why it happened."

He remembered Valara telling him after the incident at the Devaronian village that she was concerned in the darkness in Ben, that in some moments when he was unguarded she saw something shift in him through her Force-sight. Like a storm brewing, she'd said, and Luke could see it now, except it was clear the storm was about to break.

"What happened to them?" Luke asked, his voice cracking. "Are they still alive?"

"I tried to save them, Uncle Luke." Ben's voice softened and his scowl melted into sorrow. "When I found out they were missing I tried to fix it, to rescue them and bring them home to you. But I was too late, Valara tried to escape and the ship crashed."

Luke saw a glimpse of Ben's memory, a fleeing ship, fire from another vessel, a fiery crash and subsequent explosion no one could survive. All of his breath was sucked out of him as he faced the horrifying, final truth. He'd known for years, really, that if they were out there he should have found them by now - his wife was too clever, too capable to be held prisoner and he'd spent years expecting her and Rey to just show up one day with an incredible story to tell. But now he had to accept that they were truly gone, and Luke closed his eyes as his soul felt like it was shattering.

"And all of that wasn't enough to stop you from toying with the dark side?" he asked.

"You weren't there for me, Uncle Luke." The venom in Ben's voice returned. "You were no longer a teacher, so I had to turn to someone else to learn."

"No…" Luke said, opening his eyes. "This isn't you, Ben. The dark side is strong, but it only weakens you in the end."

"I was strong enough to keep your from sensing it all these years," Ben said proudly. "I played both sides, learning all I could and I'm now beyond you, Luke. I don't need you anymore."

Luke's lightsaber was in his hand and lit before he even realised he'd reached for it. "Are you sure about that?"

Ben stepped back over the threshold and waved his hand. Luke heard a faint _clink_ to his right and turned to late to see that a trigger had been concealed in the wall. Luke ran towards the exit but he wasn't fast enough, a solid stone door sliding down between them and enclosing Luke in the room with no means of escape.

"I'm sorry, Luke," Ben called from the other side, and he sounded genuinely regretful. "This is the way it has to be."

"Ben!" he called after his nephew, but heard his sure footsteps walking away. "BEN!"

Behind him Luke heard a strange sifting noise, and turned to see that sand was falling in steady streams from holes in the high ceiling. The streams soon became cascades, the sand already up to Luke's ankles as he examined the room looking for a means of escape. He tried moving the door with the Force but it held firm, no doubt part of the trap assuming that trespassers or enemies would have the Force at their disposal.

He tried slashing his lightsaber at the walls but the stone was resistant, not even singed by the heat of the blade. Luke reached out for Ben through the Force, making a final plea not to do this but was met with walls as strong as those keeping him enclosed in the trap, and he felt Ben leave the Temple behind.

The sand reached his chest, and Luke began to give in to the hopelessness of the situation. He could no longer move, flailing of his arms to try and keep on top of the rising sand only made him sink further. This was the ignoble end, Luke overwhelmed by the magnitude of his mistakes - how could he have missed what Ben had done? He hadn't wanted to believe it, he realised, Valara had been right, he'd been blinded by his love for him, and it had doomed them all.

He closed his eyes as the sand and sorrow began to close over him, lifting his face to take one last breath as he accepted death for his failure.

_Valara, my love, I'll be with you and Rey soon._

But it was then, when the darkness finally covered him that Luke felt a jolt deep inside. He hadn't given up when all had seemed lost before, so why would he do so now, just because it was easier to lay down and die than fight? Luke Skywalker never took the easy way out, and he never gave up on anyone he loved.

Reaching out through the Force again Luke searched upward. If the sand was coming in, that meant there had to be a way out. He found the small holes through which the sand was pouring and focused on them, reaching up with his hand as if he was grasping an invisible rope. There was a crack above as the ceiling began to split, and with his other hand Luke pushed through the sand to grasp his lightsaber again. The blade cut easily through the sand, turning it to glass and hardening it enough for Luke to wrest himself free using his artificial hand. Once atop the sand he pulled on the holes above again with enough Force to break the stone between them.

An avalanche of sand poured through but he'd made the hole big enough to escape. Luke clipped his lightsaber back to his belt and called upon all of his Force strength to jump upwards against the tide of sand. He just made it, gripping onto the side of the large hole he'd made and pulling himself into the higher chamber. Almost all of the sand was now in the trap below, leaving the higher chamber empty and with the help of his lightsaber and guidance of the Force, easy to escape from.

Once back on the surface Luke saw Ben had taken the ship and was gone, leaving him all but stranded on the planet. He looked up in the sky, a radiation storm was brewing and he'd have to take shelter back inside the Temple until it blew over. Luke cursed to himself, knowing that every moment he was losing precious time to stop Ben from carrying out whatever his plans were, to try and turn him back to the light.

Luke inspected his right hand where some of the artificial skin had been burnt off by the searing glass and he could see some of the silver mechanisms inside. But that was the least of his worries, the Temple had no communications equipment, and Luke regretted leaving Artoo back on Devaron. He still had his comm unit, and switched it on to scan for local frequencies. Although the planet had seemed uninhabited, Luke knew it was the perfect place for a smuggler's base or anyone else that wished to stay hidden. With any luck, he'd find someone and convince them to help.

* * *

**Jedi Temple, Devaron**

It was dark and raining when Ben landed just outside the shield which concealed the Temple from outside view. The perfect weather, he told himself, they had the element of surprise and launching a defence in a storm would be difficult. Armitage Hux had brought one of his Star Destroyers under Snoke's orders, and they were lying in wait above the planet.

The six Knights of Ren were also waiting for Ben, all armed and dressed in the black of the order Ben himself had formed over the past two years. He felt his heart swell with purpose - thousands of people waiting for him, for his order, as it was always meant to be. Ben approached his Knights of Ren and one of them removed his helmet to reveal Nada Yilu, onetime student at the Temple who'd left a few years earlier in disgust. They'd become close after Nada had concealed Ben's absence from the Temple following the abduction of Valara and Rey, and when Ben had become sure of his loyalty he'd told him about Snoke.

Nada had already been fed up with his lack of progress under Luke and Maliak's tutelage, and so left the Temple to train under Snoke instead. The rest of the Knights were those Ben had met on his travels while he was meant to be searching for Rey and Valara; two bounty hunters who had shown particular skill, an assassin, and two promising cadets from Hux's Academy. None of the latter had the Force and Nada's skill was minimal but Ben prefered it that way, it made them easier to command.

"Are you ready?" Nada asked, and Ben realised they were all wondering if he was up to this.

He scowled and stared them all down. "Of course."

Nada handed Ben his own helmet, black and silver to emulate Darth Vader's, although Ben's was sleeker. He'd worn the helmet whenever he was with the Knights to hide his identity, and they had already become feared in the Western Reaches for their ruthlessness and anonymity. The New Republic did nothing, the planets bordered on Imperial Space and they valued their treaty top highly - the old Imperials disavowed knowledge of them anyway, and no one knew of the First Order gathering strength in the Unknown Regions. But they would know soon enough, Ben told himself, lovingly tracing the helmet. Soon his chosen name would be as feared as Darth Vader's had once been.

"Skywalker?" Nada asked.

"Taken care of," Ben said, sure to keep his voice steady. "He won't be interfering."

"Then this is the first day of our victory," Nada said, puffing out his chest. "The day Ben Solo proves himself."

"Not Ben," he corrected him, putting on the helmet. Immediately he felt changed, more powerful, like a creature void of form but fueled with the dark side. "Kylo Ren."

He turned on one heel and stalked towards the shield, activating the hidden passage through the Force as he went through. The Temple came into view, rising above him as lightning lit up the sky. He took one last look at his past and then deactivated the shield entirely with the codes he alone had been trusted with, exposing the Temple to view.

Nada was on his comm unit behind him, acknowledging that the target was now open and that Hux should release his fighters. The Knights of Ren joined Kylo and they watched the first ships break through the cloudy sky and almost immediately focusing their blasts on the main tower of the Temple. It exploded in a haze of fire, and Kylo felt half of the inhabitants die instantly. They were the lucky ones.

"Let's go," he ordered and ignited the blood-red blade of his lightsaber.

* * *

Luke came out of hyperspace with a jolt, cursing the ancient navcomputer on the borrowed shuttle which had made the journey a bumpy ride. He'd located a small settlement colony a few hours walk from the Temple and he'd been lucky that one of the elder statesmen of the community remembered Jedi from the Clone Wars. The lightspeed capabilities weren't great, but they'd eventually gotten him home.

But as soon as Luke veered the ship down through Devaron's atmosphere he knew he was too late. The protective shield that usually hid the Temple from view was gone, revealing the devastation below visible even in the darkness.

The Temple had been completely destroyed, half the building blown away and plumes of smoke still rising from the smouldering ruins. The grounds had been scorched by blaster fire from above and as Luke brought in his ship to land he saw small dark clumps that looked like rocks from a distance, but he knew were bodies.

The stench of fire, smoke and death filled the air as he left the ship, some of the blackened trees still smouldering. He reached out through the Force to find any trace of life but there was none, the lifeless bodies that lay on the ground leading up the the Temple only a few of those that had been killed. Looking up at the ruins, he surmised that most of them must have perished in an aerial assault, killed instantly as the Temple had been destroyed.

There was no doubt of Ben's involvement - who else could have disabled the shield or led the attack. Luke bowed his head, grief overwhelming him. He'd been responsible for every life in the Temple and he hadn't been able to protect them - they had come to him in good faith to learn the ways of the Force, and that had only lead to their deaths. Anger coursed through him at what Ben had done, this was further towards the dark side than he had ever imagined. It whispered to Luke like an old friend, reminding him that he could easily take revenge - no, retribution. But Luke quickly paused those thoughts away, spotting them easily for the seductions they were, false promises from the darkest parts of his soul intent on leading him away from the light and everything he'd worked his entire life for.

He heard a soft electronic warbling in the distance, and Luke looked up to see Artoo rolling towards him through the darkness. Luke almost sobbed in relief as the little droid recounted to him the terrible story and expressed his regret that he could not do anything to stop it.

Luke sank to his knees, unable to keep upright any longer, and reached out his hand to rest on Artoo for strength and comfort. His prosthetic was fully visible now, the artificial skin unsalvageable so he'd removed it entirely, and it made a small clinking sound against Artoo's round dome.

_I can't do it Artoo. I can't go on alone._

He'd said those words to the little droid after Yoda had died, and he'd thought that grief was bad enough. Obi-Wan had appeared at that moment which had given him some comfort, but even though Luke looked up hopefully there was no shimmering light that would indicate the presence of his former Masters or father. He truly was alone now.

Luke forced himself to walk the path up towards the Temple with Artoo at his heels, choking down the bile as he passed body after body, some with blaster wounds, others with lightsaber slashes or injuries from what looked like blunt objects. They'd been caught by surprise, and for once Luke regretted keeping lightsabers locked away in the training rooms until a person was knighted and they could build their own. Perhaps if they'd had them they'd have been able to put up more of a fight.

Ben must have built his own, Artoo had told him that a tall man in a black mask had carried a red lightsaber unlike any he'd ever seen before. The blade had been unstable, from the description Luke assumed it used a cracked kyber crystal, but it had also had crossbar blades that came from an ancient design Luke had come across in his research. When Ben had built it or where he'd obtained the crystal from Luke didn't know, but according to Artoo he was the only one of the group who'd carried one.

Maliak's body was by the former gardens, now burnt away by wildfire which had been dampened by the storm. He had carried a lightsaber of course, but Luke couldn't see one in his hand - it must have been taken from him once he'd fallen. From the looks of his body he'd put up a fight, defending the Temple and the students with his life. Luke had to turn away to keep from breaking down again at the sight of his close friend and greatest confidant slain by both blaster fire and lightsaber.

There wasn't much left of the Temple's main tower, it was more a pile of rubble than anything else, collapsed stones black from blaster fire. Luke had lived there for close to two decades, it was the home he'd shared with Rey and Valara for all too brief a time. He reached into the pocket of his robe, thankful for the two objects he always carried with him; the green worry stone and a silk hair ribbon that had belonged to Rey. They were all he had left now, the rest of his belongings and memories blown away by Ben's betrayal.

Amidst the rubble Luke sensed something, almost like a presence clinging to life. A survivor, perhaps? Luke reached out his hand and moved the debris with the Force to try and free them but soon realised it wasn't a person he was sensing. He climbed over the stones to where the Force tree had fallen, uprooted from its place in the highest point of the tower and buried by the explosion.

He pressed his hand to the trunk of the dying tree as tears filled his eyes. It had been waiting for him, Luke realised, clinging to life to give him one last gift. Moving quickly, he found a small pot amid the rubble and filled it with with earth from the forest, then excised a small clipping and gently planted it in the pot where it quickly took root. It was too late for the rest of the tree, once so bright in the Force, and when it died Luke almost heard the sound of a final exhale.

Feeling someone approach, Luke looked up to see a Devaronian woman walking cautiously towards him.

"Farnay," he called to her through the darkness. "I'm over here."

"Luke," Farnay rushed over. "We saw the battle from our village," she told him. "It was terrible, Luke, the sky was lit with explosions. There was nothing we could do to stop it."

"I know."

"Is everyone…" Farnay looked around, pressing a hand to her mouth as she saw the carnage. "Who could have done this?"

Luke didn't know how to respond, other than Ben he wasn't sure who had been involved and the pain was too raw to admit even to Farnay that his nephew had turned to the dark side.

"Someone who hates me," Luke said, almost choking on the words.

Farnay approached to embrace him, and Luke accepted her comfort, feeling her feebly reach out through the Force to try and soothe his battered soul. She was better with plants than people, Luke thought, but he appreciated it all the same.

After a few moments she pulled away, and touched the clipping in his hand lightly. "Is that all that's left?"

Luke nodded, holding it out so Farnay could place her light fingers upon the root. He felt the Force spark in it again, enriched by Farnay's gift.

"It survived the Empire," Luke told her. "It was cut down and unable to thrive, but it lived to grow again."

"Will you replant it?" Farnay asked.

Luke held out the pot for Farnay to take. "You will," he told her. "Find a nice spot near your village but keep it secret. Use your light to help it grow."

"What about you?" Farnay asked, accepting the gift with tears in her eyes.

"I must leave this place," Luke told her, looking sadly around at the ruins. "This Temple has been destroyed twice now and I'm not sure I have the heart to rebuilt it again. Let the jungle reclaim it, let your people care for the land again."

"No," Farnay shook her head, clutching the pot to her. "You can't leave."

"I have to," Luke said, squeezing her arm gently. "This all happened because of me, and for now I need to go where I can't put anyone else in danger."

He started to walk back towards the ruins of the Temple, Artoo on his heels. The second tower which housed the vehicle hangars had also been destroyed, but only above the ground. Luke led Farnay down beneath the main structure which had now been exposed by the explosions, where he kept a ship he couldn't bear to house with the others.

"This was Valara's X-Wing," he said as they approached the fighter which stood in the middle of the underground chamber. "The one she used to get the Death Star plans. I flew it myself at the Battle of Yavin and it crashed a few years later."

Luke ran his hand over the X-Wing's hull thick with dust. "It was something we shared, it brought us together and so I tracked it down for her. She spent years rebuilding it, modifying it so she didn't need her sight or a droid to fly it. I promised her that she would fly again, you see, but I couldn't keep that promise, she was taken before it was finished."

"But you fixed it," Farnay nodded, understanding. "Where will you go?"

Luke's first instinct was to set course for Hosnian Prime, to Leia. She deserved to hear what had happened from him but Luke couldn't bear it. Half of him was guilty that she had given him her son for safekeeping and he'd failed her, the other half was angry that it was her child who had hurt him so deeply. All of that could be reconciled of course, their love for each other surpassing all else, but Luke knew he could not go back.

The events would no doubt galvanise Leia, she would come back fighting against whatever dark force Ben had aligned himself with. She would draw him into the fight, persuade him that it was the best course of action because that was all she knew how to to do; react, be on the offensive. But Luke knew he had to look to the Force for answers - something had gone wrong with Ben, and a war would not bring him back nor guarantee their success, it would also result in more bloodshed. If he saw her, Luke knew he wouldn't have the strength to deny her request for help and so while it pained him deeply, he had to set out alone.

Besides, Leia would not be alone, she and Han would have each other, and Luke trusted in their bond to see them through the dark times ahead. Because of Ben he didn't have that, his wife was dead and he could not turn to her for comfort. There was a bitter taste in his mouth, and Luke choked it down, knowing that he couldn't go after Ben either, it would draw him too close to the dark side.

"Luke?" Farnay asked again.

Luke turned to her. "In my dreams I've seen an island in a vast and swirling sea. The first Jedi Temple, the one I've been searching years for, the one I now have to find."

"What do you think will be there?" Farnay asked.

"Answers." Luke crouched down to Artoo's level. "But you can't come with me, old friend. You have to explain what happened to Leia and the others."

Artoo warbled plaintively, asking Luke not to leave him. "I'm sorry," Luke touched his dome again, this time with his left hand. "This is a journey I have to take alone."

Artoo's eyestalk drooped, and he let out a low beep, asking when Luke would be coming back.

"I don't know," Luke said truthfully, and turned to Farnay whose tears had spilled onto her cheeks. "It's dangerous to be associated with the Jedi right now," he told her. "You should be safe here, and if anyone you don't know asks where I've gone please say you don't know."

"But Luke," Farnay voice was plaintive, "without the Jedi, won't the dark side grow stronger?"

Luke rose to his feet and looked back up at the smouldering ruins of the Temple. "Without the Jedi there can be no Balance, and the Force itself will become dormant as those of us still alive go into hiding." He thought of Laisha, still out there somewhere in the galaxy, passing on what she had learned. He thought of the handful of other students who had become Jedi and returned to their home planets or travelled to systems most in need of them. "But we will return," he told her, patting Artoo lightly in a promise. "I will return."


	36. Chapter 36

**34 ABY, The Island, Ahch-To**

He'd felt the Awakening deep in his bones. It had been soft at first, like the first warm days of spring following a long and bitter winter, the snow melting off the trees and the sun beginning to peek through the heavy clouds. At first it was difficult to know exactly what had caused it, in his isolation Luke was only dimly aware of what was happened in the galaxy he'd left behind.

His days were mostly spent in meditation, seeking answers amidst information that seemed endless. Sometimes he felt like a student in a library, desperately searching for a line of text without knowing which book it would be in, and so needing to methodically read them all. The Force was strong on Ahch-To, and Luke grew stronger with it every day but seemed to grow no closer to the enlightenment he sought.

He'd long since come to believe that it was simply not the right time yet, and so Luke continued to wait. Whatever else he'd lost, he still kept faith in the Force which had become his only companion.

He went about his daily routine on the small island that had become his home, fishing in the sea, tending to the small garden outside his hut, watching the birds fly above and then hours spent in meditation and thought. Every moment that passed the Awakening grew stronger and although Luke tried to reach out through the Force to see exactly what it was but strangely found the way blocked, as if something was resisting the call.

What he felt later was like a splintering in the Force, the scales being tipped towards the dark side. Luke went to the Temple to try and make sense of what was happening, but in his heart he knew the truth, he recognised the pain that cut deep and left a lingering ache that could never be relieved. Sorrow and regret flooded him with the knowledge that he would never see his friend again, never shake his hand, never hear him call Luke "kid" out of stubborn habit.

But that pain was soon outshone by a brilliant burst in the Force, the walls around the Awakening shattering as her light came forth. This was what he'd been waiting for, Luke realised, what the Force had waited to reveal to him. The light soon subsided, no one able to sustain such energy for a prolonged period of time, but now Luke knew enough to be prepared.

He stood at the peak of the Island waiting, his heart racing with anticipation. When the _Millennium Falcon_ made its approach Luke almost forgot to breathe - he'd suspected when he felt her reconnect to the Force, but hadn't let himself believe it until he could be sure. But now she was close, he could feel her presence - vastly altered but still as familiar to him as the day she had been born. How was it possible? Luke's mind raced with questions as his heart ached with the vacillation between agony and joy.

He wanted to rush down to meet the ship as it landed but didn't quite trust himself not to break down in front of her. He had no idea if she even remembered him, or what she had been through to get to him. He reached out to the Force to compose himself, looking out at the ocean to calm him as he felt her climb the steps. When she was behind him Luke finally trusted himself to turn around, but wasn't prepared for the swell of emotion on seeing her.

She was a woman now, and it suddenly hit Luke all the years he'd missed watching her grow. He remembered a sweet, exuberant child of five and before him stood a capable, serious nineteen year old. She was beautiful, more like her mother than ever, but in her face he saw hope and felt as if it was his own soul reflected back at him.

When he didn't say anything to her Rey reached inside the pack she was carrying and removed a lightsaber, and it took a moment for Luke to recognise it. How had she come across that? A million more questions ran through Luke's mind as she held out the handle to him. For a moment he was confused - didn't she know him? Did she think she was simply seeking him out to return his lightsaber, to bring him back to the galaxy?

Luke felt tears well in his eyes as he saw Rey's expression falter, and perhaps there was a flicker of recognition there. So many thoughts were racing through his mind but he didn't know which to voice first, and he felt fear grip him at ruining the moment each of them had waited so long for. They stood staring at each other for what felt like an eternity until Luke found to courage to speak.

"Rey," he whispered. "Do you know me?"

"I…" Rey's forehead creased and she swallowed heavily. "I'm not sure. Are you…"

"Yes," Luke stepped towards her, knowing that the Force was whispering the truth to her. "I'm your father, Rey."

Her hand still holding out the lightsaber shook, and her face crumpled as she was overwhelmed. Luke pushed aside her hand, the lightsaber falling forgotten to the ground as he drew her into a firm embrace. She accepted it gratefully, tears falling from her eyes as she pressed her face into Luke's tunic.

"Rey," he whispered against her hair. "I thought you were dead. He told me…oh, Rey. My darling child."

"I don't understand," Rey said through her tears, but she clutched his robe with her hand and pressed her cheek tighter against him, just like she'd done as a child.

"I'm not sure I do either," Luke told her, stroking her hair and holding her close. "But we'll find out together."

* * *

Rey was in shock when they made the trek back down to the _Millennium Falcon_ , still processing everything that had happened. The great Luke Skywalker, the one she'd heard about on Jakku like the hero in a fairytale, was her _father_. She'd found her family at last, but there were still so many questions and she wasn't sure which to ask first.

She watched as Luke greeted Artoo, his old droid who was rocking from one metal foot to the other in excitement. Luke laughed and conversed with the little droid, patting his dome fondly. Chewbacca drew Luke into a great hug, tousling his hair and scolding him for being away so long.

"I know, I know," Luke patted the Wookiee's arm, his expression turning serious. "How is Leia?"

Chewie told him that she still didn't understand why Luke had left, and that she'd needed him. There was a twinge of judgement in the Wookiee's growl, and Rey didn't blame him. She'd felt overwhelmed by Leia's grief when they'd met on D'qar, the loss of Han shared between them as they'd embraced. Rey realised that this meant Leia was her aunt, and in hindsight the kinship she'd felt with her made sense. Had Leia known in that moment who Rey was? She certainly hadn't given any indication that she'd known, other than the insistence that it be Rey who go to find Luke.

The lightsaber had chosen her, Leia had explained, the Force wanted her to be the one to find Luke Skywalker. Rey wished that Leia had told her the truth instead, then she would have been prepared rather than shocked by it when Luke had lowered his hood and she'd felt his familiar presence in the Force hit her like a shockwave. But if Rey was honest with herself, she'd known the truth since the moment she'd touched the lightsaber on Takodana, from the moment Maz had all but spelled it out for her. _The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead._ She'd run from those words, the idea that she could possibly be important, be a Jedi like in the stories that had travelled from the campfires of the Church of the Force to those of the scavengers. But she wasn't running anymore.

Rey turned her attention back to the conversation where Chewie was still scolding Luke lightly, explaining that Leia had been searching for him for years.

"I know, I have a lot to make up for." Luke nodded solemnly. "And how are you, old friend?"

Chewie gave a mournful little moan, and Luke patted his fur gently. "I wish I could have been there, maybe I could have stopped it."

"Why weren't you?" Rey spoke up, the joy of finding her father fading in the reality that he'd been gone so long. "The Resistance needed you, and you just left."

Luke sighed and turned to face her. "I'll show you tomorrow," he promised her. "There is so much to explain, and I suppose I should start at the beginning."

They went inside the Falcon and sat around the dejarik table. As he sat down Luke ran his real hand over the black and white patches, smiling strangely to himself. But then he visibly checked himself, his expression turning solemn again as he recounted the tale of Rey's abduction, the years he'd spent searching for her, and Kylo Ren's final turn against him.

"He told me you were dead," Luke he said again, his face a picture of agony and regret. "I thought you both were gone, and with all my students killed, I gave up hope." Artoo spoke up in his peculiar binary dialect - Rey had trouble understanding it but she gathered that he was attesting to the truth of Luke's words.

"And my mother?" Rey asked. If Luke was her father and he hadn't known she was alive, what role had her mother played?

Luke looked away, his bottom lip trembling slightly and his face contorting in pain. "Her name was Valara."

It was clear that it was too painful for Luke to say any more, and despite Rey's desperate desire to know more about her she resolved to raise it again at another time. She pushed aside all of her questions and recriminations and doubts, for the moment just wanting him to smile - not wistfully, but truly, to show her how happy he was to find her again.

He was her father, she reminded herself, and clearly loved her, had missed her and was ready to welcome her with all the affection she'd ever imagined in those long, dry hours on Jakku. She'd conjured up fantasies about when her family would return for her, each more elaborate than the last as they explained how she'd been left behind and promised that she would never know loneliness again. Luke had taken her in his arms just like she'd dreamed her father would, and if she found fault with the way he had then been subdued since then she told herself not to be so harsh on him. He might not know how she was reacting to it all, and so Rey hesitantly reached out to him, placing her hand over his on the table.

She felt Luke flinch slightly, it must have been a long time since anyone had done that, but then Rey heard him sigh and he turned back to her. His eyes were so vividly blue, not the grey clouds she'd seen on the cliffs above. The pain on his face melted away, and although he did not smile his expression was soft and warm. He placed his free hand - the artificial one - over hers and she didn't mind the cool touch of the metal in the slightest.

"So will you come back?" she asked. "The Resistance needs you now more than ever."

"Yes," Luke nodded. "But I must show you a few things here, first. I've spent a long time on this island learning its secrets, and there is vital knowledge for the wars to come."

"Alright," Rey agreed. After seeing the island so much in her dreams she wanted to explore it a little herself.

"Rey." Luke gazed at her as if trying to memorise her face, or perhaps simply trying to reconcile it with the child he remembered. "I've missed so much of your life, there is so much I want to know."

Rey shrugged, withdrawing her hand and shifting slightly in her seat. "There isn't much to tell. Every day on Jakky was the same, I worked, I ate, I marked the day on my wall, and I slept."

"I'm so sorry," Luke shook his head. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but I promise I'm here for you now, every day."

The crew quarters on the _Falcon_ were cramped and while Luke suggested that he would head back to his hut halfway up the island Rey insisted that he stay. After all, it must have been a long time since he'd slept in a real bed, and he'd almost smiled and said that he remembered what the ship's bunks were like and it would still be a while. But he'd acquiesced due to the late hour and Artoo's insistent beeping that he wasn't going to leave Luke alone. Rey wondered if the little droid would ever let Luke out of his sight again, and sure enough he set himself up outside the crew quarters keeping a watchful electronic eye over them all.

Rey felt overwhelmed by the day's events and curled up under the blankets, still not used to the climate-controlled air which still felt cold to her after years under Jakku's relentless sun. She said goodnight and turned to face the wall so neither Luke nor Chewie could see that she was still awake and listening, curious as to what they would discuss. For the most part they shared old stories, keeping their voices soft so not to wake her. Chewbacca gave Luke a summary of what had happened the past six years - Han hadn't been able to cope with his son's turn to the dark side and returned to smuggling, thinking that it was better for Leia that way.

"But he came back," Luke said. "Whatever Han else did, he always came back." Chewie agreed, saying that finding Rey had finally made him realise he couldn't hide from the fight any longer.

"How did you find her?" Luke asked. "Jakku...she was there the whole time, if I'd gone to see Lor San Tekka myself rather than trusting Ben...but of course that was why he'd been so eager to do it himself."

Chewie told him the story of how the _Millennium Falcon_ had ended up in the hands of Unkar Plutt and then how they'd been able to track the ship once it had been activated. Quite a coincidence, he pointed out.

"No, not a coincidence," Luke said. "It was the will of the Force, for some reason it chose this moment for everything to converge. Perhaps this boy Finn was the catalyst, a sign of the First Order weakening."

Rey still didn't understand the Force - even though it had come to her aid in the fight with Kylo, she didn't understand how it could have intent or control over things that happened. If so, why had it left her on Jakku waiting so long?

"I'll never get to thank Han for looking after her," Luke spoke up again. Chewie softly growled that Han would know, that he would be thankful that he played a role in returning Rey, especially when his son was the one who had taken her away in the first place. For that most of all Han had never been able to forgive the boy who had become Kylo for that, even if he'd tried to bring him home for Leia. Chewie added that his only other regret was that they hadn't found Valara as well.

"I tried reaching for her." Luke's voice was thick. "I thought if Rey survived then perhaps...but there was nothing, still. In Ben's memory I saw a ship crash, that had to be based on reality, he couldn't have conjured it entirely. Valara would have glady given her life to protect Rey in such a fall."

Rey searched her own spotty memory to see if she could recall it. But even with the knowledge that Luke was her father she couldn't recall anything of the time before she was five. She'd only seen glimpses in her lightsaber-induced vision, Unkar pulling her away while she begged someone to come back, a ship flying away. That must have been Kylo, her own cousin, abandoning her and then convincing his family she was dead. Rey felt a simmering rage towards him, he must have known who she was the whole time. When she thought about the way he'd pawed through her mind trying to find the map, how he'd sullied her thoughts of the Island...

Chewie spoke up again, saying that at least Luke had Rey now. Luke agreed, but she heard him shifting in the bunk as if uneasy, and Rey turned her attention away from Kylo Ren and instantly felt calmer.

"She's dreamed about finding her family for so long," he said. "I only hope I'm not a disappointment."

Rey hoped the same thing, but continued to feign sleep as Luke and Chewie's conversation moved on to reminiscing over Han. She relaxed as they told stories from the Rebellion long ago, and she eventually drifted off to the sound of Luke's soft voice.

 

When she woke up the room was empty, and Rey ventured outside to see it was just past dawn. Luke was seated on a nearby rock, legs crossed and eyes closed, the cool morning breeze rustling his hair so a few strands drifted lightly in the air. Artoo was nearby, and his domed head swiveled to acknowledge her. Rey looked up behind her and saw Chewie on top of the _Falcon_ , probably working on the neverending repairs the ship seemed to require. The Wookiee gestured to her: _go on_.

She turned back to Luke and his eyes snapped open almost immediately. "Are you ready?" he asked, gracefully coming down off the rock.

"Sure." Rey grabbed her staff from where she'd left it by the ship, remembering how difficult it had been to climb all those steps the previous day. For a moment Luke stared at the staff in her hand, and Rey followed his gaze.

"What?" she asked.

Luke cleared his throat. "Nothing." He shook his head as if to dismiss a thought, and gestured for her to follow him. "Come on."

But instead of taking her back up the same path she'd walked the previous day, Luke lead her to the other side of the island. It was much steeper than the side the ship was docked, and there was another staircase built into the earth although these stones seemed much older, worn by the wind and rain and ten thousand footsteps before them. Rey could feel it as they climbed higher, something ancient and powerful which only grew in strength.

Even though Rey was in peak physical condition from years of scavenging and climbing around inside star destroyers, she wasn't used to the altitude and sparse air, and was soon out of breath, using her staff to help her keep pace with Luke who seemed unaffected.

"Not bad for an old man, right?" Luke called over his shoulder, and Rey quickened her pace to keep stride with him and tried to hide her puffing.

"You're not that old," she said, and or a moment she imagined she was a normal child out for a pleasant hike with her father, trading jokes and trying to outpace each other. But it was only for a moment, Rey knew they couldn't so easily slip into those roles after so many years apart. She didn't know Luke at all, and he remembered a small child not yet hardened by the harshness of life.

They soon reached their destination, a large quarry which had been carved out of the mountain's face. But Rey couldn't see a building which would classify as a Temple, instead the ground was soft with green grass and there was a large tree growing out of the earth. Rey had never seen trees before Takodana, but even she knew that this was no ordinary plant; it had a thick trunk, at least a six metres across, and three large branches; one reaching directly up into the sky, and two on either side which almost had the appearance of cupped hands. There were several stones with smooth surfaces littered around the tree, almost as if they were students in class gathered around a teacher.

"Is this it?" Rey asked, walking towards the tree to inspect it. As she drew closer there was no doubt the the power she'd felt was emanating from the tree. And yet it looked almost dead with no growth or greenery.

"Yes," Luke told her. "A Temple is simply a place of worship and reflection, it has no need of walls. This was once a site of pilgrimage, where adherents of the Force would come to seek enlightenment and guidance."

Rey touched the bark of the tree lightly, it was rough under her fingers but strangely warm. "And that's why you came here?"

"I'd been researching it for years," Luke explained. "Tracing the history of the Jedi out of interest, but also because I felt drawn to do so. When Ben turned to the dark side and destroyed the Temple on Devaron I knew that what I had learned in my life so far was not sufficient to combat the evil that had taken hold of him. My father had turned back from the dark side because he could not bring himself to harm me, but I thought Ben was past even that as I believed he'd killed you both, or at least done nothing to save you."

"You were right," Rey said stiffly, that moment of the red blade plunging through Han's chest, and his long fall into the smoke below. "He killed his own father."

"So I've been searching for the answers," Luke told her. "The key to fixing all of this, asking the Force to guide me here where it's the strongest."

"And has it told you?"

Luke gently cupped her cheek. "It sent you back to me."

Rey looked down at her boots, biting her lip. She too had come for answers, although she had yet to find them, unsure whether she even wanted to accept the power inside of herself. She didn't want to be just a weapon against the dark side or the First Order, something to be used and wielded with no choices of her own.

"Look," Luke said gently, touching her shoulder to urge her to lift her gaze. "The tree is ancient, who knows how many millennia it has stood here. It represents the Force, you see?" Luke pointed to the right branch. "The light side." His finger moved towards the left branch. "The dark side, and in the middle." Luke gestured to the thickest branch pointing directly upward. "Balance."

Rey nodded, the general concept easy enough to grasp, but what did it really mean? How would that help them fight the First Order? She looked to Luke for answers, and found him looking wistfully up at the tree.

"Long ago the Jedi took clippings from this tree and planted them in the grounds of the Temple on Coruscant," he said, "so they would grow and thrive in the Core of the galaxy, and so members of their Order could meditate there. As time passed the pilgrimages stopped and this place was relegated to legend. All but two of the trees on Coruscant were destroyed by the Empire, and I managed to liberate them after the Battle of Endor. One is on Yavin IV, where the first Death Star was destroyed, and the other on Devaron, replanted after the Temple there was destroyed. When I married your mother she arranged for clippings to be taken from that tree and planted on New Alderaan, and I gave one to every Jedi knighted at my Temple so they could plant them where they felt it was needed."

"That's all very interesting," Rey said, feeling restless. "But I don't see what gardening has to do with anything."

Luke gave her an amused smile. "It means that we're all connected, that there is still life and hope left in the galaxy. That the Jedi aren't extinct, because this tree survives."

"I don't understand." Rey shook her head, trying to wrap her mind around what he was saying. "I thought you said this tree was the light and dark sides, so how can it represent the Jedi?"

"Because this was the birthplace of the Jedi," Luke told her. "Where the first of us sought wisdom and learned to turn their raw power in the Force into a force for good. This is your heritage Rey, not only because you're strong in the Force, but because this is also where your family came from."

"What do you mean?"

Luke took a deep breath but she could see his eagerness - he'd been waiting to tell her this ever since she'd arrived.

"My father Anakin was born of a woman named Shmi Skywalker, who had been sold into slavery by the Hutts," he told her. "I spent many years searching for her history, tracing the family line back generation upon generation until it brought me here, to the first Jedi. Nellith Skywalker."

"Nellith Skywalker?" Rey repeated the name - her ancestor, the founder of the Jedi Order. She turned away, her cheeks flushing. "As if being the daughter of Luke Skywalker isn't enough, now I'm the descendent of the first Jedi?"

"Why does that upset you?" Luke asked, clearly hurt and a little confused. Rey turned back to face him wringing her hands together.

"It's just...pressure," she explained, anxiety clawing at her. "I didn't even know I had the Force until a few weeks ago, and now I'm the key to stopping the dark side and the First Order? All I wanted was to find my family, I thought how nice it would be that they would take me home to some green planet where I would have a soft bed and lots to eat and I wouldn't have to go crawling through the maintenance shaft of a ship ever again. But now I've got this _destiny_ ," Rey threw her hands up in the air. "Do you know how hard that is to live up to?"

Luke was very calm. "Yes," he said. "I didn't know it when I decided to become a Jedi, all I knew was that my father had been one and I'd never known him but wanted to be just like him. And then I found out that my father was the one who'd turned against the Jedi and helped destroy them all. Not only that, it was my responsibility to defeat him, knowing that if I failed the Jedi would be truly extinct and it would be my fault."

Rey stared at him for several long moments. "And if you had the choice again?" she asked. "Would you still become a Jedi?"

"Yes," Luke nodded. "Because I had talents and a power others didn't, and not to use them would have haunted me. But this is your decision Rey, no one else's. If you wish to learn the ways of the Force," he added. "I can teach you."

"That's what Kylo Ren said." Rey felt her anger flare at the thought of him. "He said I needed a teacher."

"I'm not going to tell you what you need," Luke said, and she saw him bristle at the thought of what Kylo had said to her. "You're my daughter, Rey, and I've already failed you so much. If you ask it of me, we can get in the _Falcon_ right now and fly as far away from the First Order as possible. We can find a green little planet and start a new life."

Rey felt the sincerity of his words, but knew she would never ask that no matter how much she wanted it. She couldn't run away, the reach of the First Order would only grow, and she wouldn't abandon her new friends. But not could she immediately agree to become a Jedi either.

"What about my mother's family?" Rey asked, searching for another option. "Where are they?"

"Valara never knew them," Luke told her. "She grew up in an orphanage, and even after the civil war ended she never wanted to try and find out where she'd come from. She liked to look to the future rather than the past."

Rey stalled, pressing her staff into the earth and then realised Luke was staring at the object again.

"You mother carried a staff," Luke gently took it from her, examining the joins. "She was strong in the Force but never wanted to become a Jedi. A lightsaber was still a weapon designed to kill, whereas a staff was defensive."

Rey was surprised. "Was she a pacifist?"

Luke laughed, the first time she'd heard him do so. "No," he said. "It's complicated, but your mother worked for the Empire. She'd been raised to believe that was her duty, to enforce and eliminate on their behalf."

"Like Finn," Rey said, her thoughts dwelling on the last time she'd seen him, prone in the Resistance medward. "He said that in the First Order, they raised him to kill."

Luke nodded. "And like your friend, Valara broke away. She defected to the Rebellion, and that's where we met. She was injured in the war and eventually lost her vision."

"She was blind?"

"She used the Force to see - in a manner of speaking. She made herself a staff like this, to help guide her as well as defend herself."

"When I was young I worked with the other children for Unkar Plutt," Rey told him. "He gave us food and shelter as long as we scavenged for him. When I was old enough I broke out on my own, even though I still had to trade with him - parts for food. I soon realised I needed to protect myself, and so I built the staff out of scrap and taught myself to fight with it."

"Maybe your subconscious retained the knowledge," Luke suggested. "Your mother had been teaching you basic defence with a staff for a while before you were taken. She thought I didn't know, but she forgot to tell you not to practice when I was around. I remember one day I walked past your room and you had this stick you'd found in the jungle, waving it around and practicing the various moves Valara had shown you."

Rey smiled, although she felt slightly hollow since she couldn't recall it herself. But the knowledge her mother hadn't been a Jedi either gave her comfort.

"So you see," Luke told her. "You have options, I can teach you the Force but you don't have to be a Jedi in order to use it."

"What's the difference?" Rey asked.

"A Jedi lives by a certain code," Luke told her. "To always use the Force for the good of others. We pledge ourselves to the light side."

"I want to learn," Rey told him. "Maz Kanata said that there was a light inside, guiding me."

"I can teach you to listen to that light," Luke told her. "To control it, and direct it. But that means we can't go back to the Resistance just yet, we'll both get drawn into the battle and true training requires discipline first."

Rey bit her lip. Her mission had been to bring Luke back and she'd fully intended to return immediately, wanting to be there when Finn woke up. But there was still so much she did not understand about the Force, her own past and the power that had awoken in her. When she'd slashed her lightsaber through Kylo Ren's face and kicked him to the ground she'd felt a surge of something dark, and a voice whispering to finish him. Rey shuddered even thinking about it, and knew she needed to learn what instincts to listen to so she didn't lose herself in the sudden rush of power.

"What about Chewbacca?" she asked. "That means he'll have to stay as well."

"We can ask him," Luke said. "But I imagine he won't mind, we're not talking years. Just not the schedule I imagine Leia was hoping for but don't worry, I'll take her wrath if it comes to it."

Rey was glad to hear that, she found General Organa intimidating enough. "Alright," she agreed, nodding and taking back her staff. "But do I have to climb these stairs every day?"

A broad smile appeared on Luke's face and Rey's heart lightened to see it. "Consider yourself lucky," he said. "I had to train in a swamp."


	37. Chapter 37

**34 ABY, Force Tree, Ahch-To**

Rey felt the Force flow through her very veins, so powerful it was almost overwhelming. But she welcomed it, never afraid because it felt so pure, so light, like the first dip in the ocean she'd had after arriving at Ahch-To after a lifetime of dry, hot sand.

Luke had told her of his own upbringing on Tatooine, and they bonded the way only desert-dwellers could. He told her of his aunt and uncle, and how badly he still missed them, and then stories of how he'd been pressed into service by Ben Kenobi, met Han and rescued Leia from the first Death Star. Rey had heard some of the tales of course, the pilgrims of the Church of the Force had passed on legends of the Last Jedi who had come from obscurity to bring down the Empire. As a child the stories had given Rey comfort and it was strange to hear the truth to them now, even if Luke tended to downplay his achievements where the myths had depicted him as an almost godlike figure.

They'd been training for three weeks, every morning climbing up to the Force tree on the far side of the island and meditating while the sun came up. It was in these sessions that Rey saw images of the past, her ancestor Nellith feeling the tree call to her from halfway across the galaxy, making the long journey to Ahch-To to find a way to fill the void inside of her. Generations had passed between them but Rey felt a kinship with her, a woman who like herself had been searching for something her whole life, and found it on the island.

Sometimes Rey even thought she heard Nellith's voice among the ghosts of the past, just as she had heard others in her vision on Takodana. But her words were cryptic, almost like strange riddles and when she asked Luke about them he said he'd heard them too, but wasn't sure what they meant either.

After meditation they spent most of the day training, starting with physical exercise where Luke taught her how to augment her natural abilities to run faster and longer, and jump higher so she almost felt like she was flying. She'd been doing that all along, Luke had told her, just unknowingly so now with focus she could push herself to the very limit. Looking back it made sense; Rey had always been able to outlast the other scavengers, not only because she seemed to feel the heat less, but she didn't tire as quickly and could cover vast swathes of the fallen ships to find more valuable parts.

Then she learnt telekenisis, and when she'd told Luke how the lightsaber had just flown into her hand on Starkiller Base he'd been impressed and asked her to replicate the feat, holding out the hilt of the blade towards her. Rey had reached out her hand as she'd done in the snow, her eyes fixed on the blade as she willed it to come to her.

Nothing happened. The blade didn't even twitch in Luke's outstretched palm and Rey looked up at him, embarrassed.

"I swear I did it," she told him, a blush climbing up her cheeks.

"I believe you," Luke said, his voice reassuring. "Try again."

Rey took a deep breath, drawing on the Force as Luke had taught her, imagining the blade flying into her hand. She wiggled her fingers as if that would assist and pulled with her mind.

Nothing again, and Rey exhaled, frustrated. "You're not doing anything are you?" she asked him almost hopefully.

Luke chuckled lightly. "No. At first the unconscious will is stronger, the challenge is learning how to call on the Force when you need it, rather than letting it come to your rescue."

"Okay." Rey stretched her shoulders and shifted from one foot to the other, determined that she would get it this time. She reached out her hand again and with her entire body called upon the Force to bring the lightsaber to her. But it did not answer, although Rey thought perhaps the hilt wiggled a little bit in Luke's palm.

"Sorry," he said at her hopeful expression. "My hand moved."

"Why can't I do it?" Rey asked, her voice taking on such an unpleasant whine that she checked herself and cleared her throat. "I feel so much stronger than I did last time - I didn't even know I was calling for it then."

"The circumstances were different," Luke explained. "You knew you had to get the lightsaber or you would be killed, that's highly motivating."

"Right." Rey nodded, closing her eyes and suddenly she was back in that snowy forest. It was so real that a chill went through her as she imagined the snow falling lightly against her skin. She'd been knocked out and had awoken to see Finn on the ground bleeding, and Kylo Ren with his back to her, a silhouette against the snow. He was calling for the lightsaber, the same one Rey had touched on Takodana and scared her so badly she'd run.

But there was something wrong, the saber in the snow was moving slightly but Kylo couldn't seem to call it to his hand. Why he didn't just cross the three metres of ground and pick it up Rey didn't know, but it was only a matter of time before he got his hands on it. She remembered the final image of her vision, Kylo Ren blocking her path and making her tumble back to the ground. He was stopping her, Rey had realised, and if he got the saber he would end her life, that was why the vision had ended so abruptly.

She couldn't allow that and had reached out in vain for the saber herself, whereas earlier she had rejected it; _I'm never touching that thing again_ ; now she needed it desperately. Because it was hers, it had called out to _her_ and rightfully belonged in her hand. Rey wouldn't let Kylo Ren have it, he didn't deserve it, he would sully it like he had his own blade. She would take it and stop him, avenge Finn and Han, because she hated him, she hated him, she hated -

The saber landed heavily in her hand, and Rey opened her eyes to see the silver hilt glinting in her palm. Her shock turned to satisfaction, and she looked up proudly at Luke but her smile faded when she saw his disappointment.

"You see how easy it is?" Luke said grimly. "The dark side is always a shortcut - the light forces you to work hard, to challenge yourself, but the dark is always there offering the easy way out. And you will be tempted to take it, because with something as innocuous as calling a saber to your hand what does it matter how you did it, how can there be any ill intent? That's how the fall begins, with small, seemingly meaningless steps until you stumble off the cliff."

Rey took in his words but didn't answer, activating the blade and watching the blue light dance in the air as she swung it around lightly. Luke always had a lecture for her, there was a lesson in everything and Rey always seemed to fail - it was exhausting and recalling that awful day on Starkiller Base only awoke the feelings she'd tried to hard to repress.

"Whatever else Kylo Ren is," Luke told her, and she noted that for a change he didn't call him _Ben_. "He is still your cousin - part of the family you waited so long for."

"I don't care," Rey retorted, viciously swinging at the air with her lightsaber, imaging it was his face again. "I hate him."

Luke sighed, and when Rey glanced at him she saw more than disappointment - she saw pain. Why would it upset him that she would hate Kylo Ren after everything he'd done to her - to Luke himself? She switched off the lightsaber before attaching it to her belt.

"Don't you?" she asked.

"No." Luke shook his head. "I don't."

"How can you _not_?" she pressed, bewildered by his calm reaction and feeling her ire rise quickly. "He's the reason I grew up never knowing you. He destroyed everything you worked for, he killed Han. He killed _Mum_."

"But he is still my family," Luke said softly. "The blood of my blood. And even if he wasn't, hating him would solve nothing."

"Don't you _care_?" Rey asked, balling her fists as the muscles in her face tightened. "How can you be so kriffing _passive_?" she spat the words at him. "How can you look at me and not hate him for taking all those years away from us? And you just gave up! You're the most powerful Jedi to ever live, and you couldn't find me - your own daughter!" She was yelling, tears falling down her face as all of the repressed questions and fears could no longer be contained.

"Did you even look for me?" she said through her tears, the anger turning bitter. "Or did you just run away so you didn't have to deal with it? It's real easy for you to have this infinite kriffing compassion when you're shut away from the galaxy on this island, when you're not the one who has to face him again, to look him in the eye knowing that he ruined your life and somehow take the high road. Because it will be me, won't it? That's why you're training me, I'm the one who'll have to fix your mistakes."

Luke remained outwardly calm, but she could see past the facade and knew how much her words were hurting him. Rey didn't care.

"You know, sometimes I wish BB-8 had never found me, that I was still back on Jakku," she said spitefully, a deep-seated resentment rising. "At least there I knew what my life was, I was on control of it. Or I wish...I wish you weren't my father., then I never would have been dragged into this."

Rey turned away so she couldn't see Luke break, although she could feel his agony even as she ran back down the island to the _Millennium Falcon_. Chewbacca approached, asking what was wrong, and Rey roughly wiped away her tears.

"I can't do this," she told him. "I want to leave, now. Let's go find Kylo Ren now and finish it, we can shoot him down from the ship, that should be easy enough. And then it will be over."

Chewie put a paw on her shoulder, asking if she would really leave Luke stranded on the island alone.

"He can leave anytime he wants, he's not stuck here," Rey argued - she'd seen an X-Wing docked in one of the island's caves, just waiting to be flown again. "But he won't, he's a coward."

Chewie growled harshly, shaking her slightly by the shoulder as he warned her never to call Luke that again. He was the bravest man the Wookiee had ever known, he'd risked his life countless time to save others at great cost to himself, and he'd suffered more than Rey could ever imagine.

"Then why couldn't he find me?" Rey asked, tears starting to flow again. "Why did he just abandon everyone?"

Patting her hand with his other paw, Chewie growled sympathetically. He'd searched for Rey for years, he told her, but the galaxy was a big place, and Kylo had covered his tracks well.

"But he still gave up," Rey argued, stepping back and shucking off Chewie's hands. "Maybe if he'd searched a bit longer, he would have found me."

Don't be so hard on him, Chewie told her. He was her father, and he loved her. Rey shook her head, her anger raw and painful but somehow satisfying. She left Chewie and made her way back up the steps, tracing the path she'd taken on that first day with so much anticipation and hope. Now she felt wrung out and lost, the bitter anger seeming something like comfort.

When she reached the edge of the cliff where Luke had stood that day Rey took up the same position looking out across the ocean, trying to understand her father. In her heart she knew it wasn't his fault he'd never found her, but she couldn't help but attribute him some blame on a level that was purely emotional. In the past few weeks she hadn't felt much like his daughter at all, Luke withdrawing into the role of Jedi Master who instructed and advised from a safe distance. Even when he told her stories of his life they never included her mother, the subject studiously avoided. Rey wondered if Luke thought it would make her more susceptible to the dark side knowing exactly what had been taken from her.

The crashing of the waves below sounded almost musical, and Rey began to sing absently to herself. It was an old habit from Jakku, almost like a calming exercise when the loneliness threatened to become too much, and she felt her anger leech slowly away.

" _Whisper away through the stars above,_ " she sang the short verse over and over in rhythm with the ocean. " _With this refrain to dance upon the sea_..."

After a while Rey felt a familiar presence and turned to see Luke standing behind her. He was white and his cheeks were wet.

"Don't stop," he said softly, holding out his hand. "You remember that song?"

Re nodded. "On Jakku, I used to sing it to myself when I couldn't sleep, and more often than not I would drift off and dream of this island."

"Your mother used to sing you hat song," Luke said, a faraway look in his eyes. " _Past the green mists, do not fear my love_ ," he sung in a rich, pleasant voice.

" _All this will bring you surely back to me_ ," they finished together, and Luke looked as if he wanted to reach out and embrace her but stopped himself.

Rey brushed a tear from her eye. "I wish I remembered her."

"But you do - don't you see?" Luke asked as he approached her cautiously. "If you remember that song means that your memories are in there somewhere, and can be unlocked."

"I saw a little," Rey told him. "When I found your lightsaber under Maz Kanata's palace."

"Maz?" Luke smiled. "Of course she would have found it, that old scavenger."

"When I touched it, I had a vision, or a memory or something." Rey shuddered just thinking about it. "It was so frightening, I didn't know what any of it meant, but a jumble of images. But I saw myself being left on Jakku, I was begging her to come back, to not leave me with Unkar Plutt but he pulled me away."

"I don't know why she would have left you there," Luke said regretfully. "When Ben turned, I saw what I thought was a memory of you both dying in a crash. But it must have been false." Luke shook his head, looking pained. "Ben played me for a fool."

Rey pressed two fingers to her temple, trying to recall the images she'd seen in her vision, to unbury the memories pushed deep down. "I can't see her face," she said, closing her eyes hoping it would help. "But I remember her voice - she said _I'll come back for you_. But...then there's Ben, he's smiling, he knows it's a lie. He said he was being kind, by not killing her in front of me."

Hot tears burned her eyes as Rey opened them again, she angrily wiped the wetness from her cheeks. Then Luke was embracing her, and Rey rest her head against his shoulder as she cried. He soothed her and Rey remembered something else, of being a child in tears and being held in her father's arms. Feeling warm and safe, because nothing could ever happen to her as long as her father was there, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head, and telling bad jokes until she laughed.

"It's not easy for me," Luke said softly. "Regardless of what he's done to me, knowing that he's caused you such pain, that you grew up alone and had to fight so hard just to survive...but I can't afford to hate him, if I do he wins. That would be the ultimate victory over me, that I would give in to that anger and pain for revenge."

"So how do we fight him?" Rey asked, still sniffling.

"We find a way to bring him back," Luke said simply. "When he turns back to the light, he will know the penance he must do. It won't change anything, it won't erase the past fifteen years, but we'll be the stronger for it. The victory cannot be over him, it must be over ourselves."

"You know Dad," Rey sighed. "Being a Jedi seems pretty thankless."

"It can be," Luke told her. "But there's so much joy in it as well."

Rey pulled away slightly. "I still don't know if I want to be one."

"That's alright." Luke assured her, and then smiled. "You know...that's the first time you've called me Dad."

Rey ducked her head. "Well that's what you are."

"I know I haven't been acting like it," Luke admitted. "I've been keeping you at a distance, Rey. It was easier for me to treat you like a student, I know how to do that. I don't really know how to be a father, at least to a nineteen year old. But I love you, Rey, you have always been the most important thing in the world to me."

Rey's lower lip trembled, she hadn't realised how much she'd needed to hear those words until Luke had said them. "I'm sorry, I was just upset before," she told him. "I _am_ glad you're my father. I wouldn't want anyone else to be."

Luke exhaled as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He reached inside the pocket of his robe. "I want you to have this," he placed a green stone in her hand, and it felt cool and heavy in her palm. "I gave this to your mother not long after we met. I carved the symbol onto it, and it means home, because she didn't have one at the time and neither did I."

Rey gently traced the symbol with one finger, feeling the whisper of a comforting presence and then looked back up at her father with a rush of affection for him.

"Even in the years when we were apart, we had this connecting us, and eventually we became each other's home." Luke tapped her lightly on the nose, and the gesture felt so familiar.. "And then you came along, and we were such a happy little family."

"Then why don't you talk about her?" Rey questioned, her hand tightening around the stone. "I can handle it, you know."

"That isn't it," Luke assured her. "It's my weakness, Rey, my...sorrow, but that's not fair to you. Sit down," he gestured to a nearby rock. "And I'll tell you all about her."

* * *

**Resistance Base, D'qar**

When Finn awoke he was in a cold, stark room, an ache in his back and through his legs. He blinked groggily as he tried to sit up, unsure of where he was or what had happened.

"Oh no you don't." A soft hand touched his shoulder and guided him back down. "Welcome back Finn," a pale, dark-haired woman said with a kindly smile. "I'm Doctor Kalonia."

"Welcome back?" Finn panicked for a moment. The last thing he remembered was a battle in the snow with Kylo Ren and a searing pain as he'd dragged his lightsaber up Finn's back. "Where am I?"

"You're with the Resistance," Kalonia assured him. "Starkiller Base was destroyed."

"Rey?" Finn remembered her hitting the tree violently.

"She's fine," Kalonia smiled at him. "You have quite a friend there, she sat by your bedside for two days when they first brought you back."

"What happened?" Finn was anxious at the use of past tense. "Where is she now? How long has it been?"

"Right now you need to rest," Kalonia told him.

"No." Finn sat up again, brushing away Kalonia's hand and swinging his legs down off the bed. He winced, a sharp pain in his back with the movement but he ignored it. "I need to find out what's going on."

"You've been out for a few weeks," Kalonia said sternly. "And through some pretty heavy bacta treatments which won't have done much good unless you let them heal."

"It's alright." Another voice came from the doorway, and Finn turned to see the General dressed in her Resistance uniform. "I think he's earned a few explanations."

"As you wish, General Organa," Kalonia said in a tone that expressed her disapproval without needing to voice it. "But he must rest soon."

"Come on Finn," Leia turned on one heel and left the room. He followed her through the halls where people paused with respect or saluted as she walked by them.

"You've become somewhat of a celebrity around here," Leia said as they walked by a group that dissolved into whispers as soon as they passed.

"Me?" Finn looked back to the group, one of them saluted again and this time he saw that it was for him.

"Who else was responsible for destroying Starkiller Base?"

"Well, Poe and his squad," Finn pointed out as he quickened his pace to match her quick steps. "Chewbacca...and Han." He looked at Leia and while her expression didn't waver he saw a slight flinch in her hand. " I...I'm sorry. He only went because I said I had a plan and that was a lie. I just needed to get Rey, I knew what they would do to her if we didn't."

"Of course," Leia told him, touching his arm lightly to guide him down another long hallway. "And I agreed to let you go because I knew that once you were there you would find a way to fulfill your promise to take down the shield."

"How?" Finn asked - Leia didn't even know him, he had served her enemy, betrayed the people he'd grown up with.

Leia gave him a strange sort of smile. "Let's just say I have good instincts when it comes to that sort of thing." She stopped walking and punched a code into the keypad by a door which looked exactly like every other in the hallway. The door slid open and she ushered him inside. "Here, these are my quarters."

Finn was surprised to see that the rooms were sparse. On Starkiller Base the Officers had all been housed in luxurious quarters quite different from the barracks where Finn had spent his whole life. But then, Hux and the rest of his men and women also wore finely tailored clothing with those awful, pretentious hats where Leia appeared to favor the same plain clothing as those of her subordinates.

"Rey told me what happened on Starkiller." Leia's voice was soft, and for a moment Finn saw the pain in her dark eyes. "Han died doing what he believed was right, what I asked him to do."

Finn didn't know how to respond to that, what could you say when you'd seen someone's husband violently killed by their son?

"Where is Rey?" he asked instead.

"She's gone with Chewie to find my brother," Leia said simply.

"Oh." Finn tried not to to feel disappointed; if Rey felt that was what she could do to help the Resistance, of course she would have done it. Poe had told him how urgently they needed Luke Skywalker's help, which had only become more urgent after the destruction of Hosnian Prime. Of course she wouldn't have been able to wait for him, but it hurt all the same, not knowing when he would see her again.

"What about Poe?"

"He's around somewhere," Leia waved her hand. "I'm sure he'll come running once he hears you're awake. I brought you here so we could talk privately, you have vital information about the First Order that will be invaluable to us, and when you're up to it I'd like you to speak before the council."

"Of course," Finn nodded. He'd gone to Starkiller Base for Rey, but everything that had happened since then had convinced him that he must join the Resistance and help stop the First Order once and for all. "What would you like to know?"

"There will be time for that later, Leia told him. "For now why don't we sit down, there are some things I need to tell you."

Finn sat down at a table strewn with briefings, unsure of what the General could have to tell him that required such privacy, in her own quarters no less.

"Did you know Rey was strong in the Force?" Leia asked as she sat down opposite him, folding her hands on the table.

Finn shrugged. "I know she's an incredible pilot."

Leia smiled, and for a moment she looked over his shoulder at something behind him. "Yes, she would be."

Finn was growing restless with the lack of answers. "What happened on Starkiller Base?"

Leia took a deep breath and her expression was guarded. "Rey said that once you were injured my son tried to take the lightsaber, but that she reached out her hand and it came to her instead."

"With the Force?" Finn had seen use of the Force before, and not just from Kylo Ren.

"Yes," Leia nodded. "They duelled as the the planet was torn apart, and she was able to overcome him by accepting the power within herself."

"She saved me then." Finn felt a warm blush spread across his cheeks to think that Rey would take the weapon she'd previously rejected in order to protect him from Ren. "I guess I was pretty lucky I found her."

"It wasn't luck," Leia told him. "It was the will of the Force."

"Do you mean...like fate?" Finn asked.

"It's one way to look at it," Leia told him. "The Force is in us all, Finn, but some more than others. Some can hear it when it's speaks, and some follow without knowing that they've been guided to do so. Rey is not some scavenger you met by chance, I believe the Force brought you to her."

"I don't understand." Finn shook his head, although on Takodana he thought he'd heard screams in his head as Hosnian Prime was destroyed. Leia looked at him as if she knew something he didn't.

"What did they tell you of Luke Skywalker in the First Order?"

"Not a lot," Finn admitted. "He was the Last Jedi, and enemy number one."

Leia smiled. "I probably shouldn't feel offended that I didn't have such an honour."

"Oh, you were up there," Finn assured her. "The officers always used to talk about how if they could get rid of you the Resistance would crumble."

"Good to know," Leia almost seemed to chuckle, but then her face took on a serious mein. "What they probably didn't tell you was that my brother had a daughter, a beautiful child who was kidnapped when she was five years old. He searched for her for years and never found her - but you did."

"What?" Finn was feeling rather slow even as his mind was piecing together Leia's words.

"Rey," she said. "That was the name of Luke's daughter. Han suspected, and before he left for Starkiller he told me she reminded him so much of Luke. Then when she returned on the _Falcon_ , I knew. I could feel it."

"Rey is the daughter of Luke Skywalker?" It was hard for Finn to believe, and yet it made a certain kind of sense. The lightsaber had been Luke's after all, and Rey was the one it had called to. "So she's found her family," Finn found himself grinning. "Just like she wanted."

'I'm afraid they may not be back anytime soon," Leia told him. "I got a message from Chewie saying they'd found Luke but he wanted to train Rey before they returned."

Finn felt his heart sink. "Why can't he train her here?"

"Well because if she takes after my brother they won't have been back five minutes before she's decided she has to take off and join the fight directly." Leia sighed. "Recklessness is somewhat of a family trait."

From all Finn had heard about Leia, he had no doubt the trait wasn't limited to Luke and Rey. He wanted to question her further, understand everything that had happened but a beeping emanated from Leia's belt and she removed a commlink as she stood up. "Excuse me," she said, and disappeared into another room.

Finn took the opportunity to look behind him to the desk where Leia had glanced earlier. He saw that there were several holos plastered to the wall above so one seated at the desk could look at them. They appeared to be family holos and Finn examined them with interest.

One was Luke Skywalker in his younger years, carefree and smiling, his hair still blond. It was quite a different image to the one Finn had been shown when being taught of the First Order's greatest enemy - in that image he had been frowning and pale. Others were of Han and Finn felt his sorrow well again as he saw a truly happy man far from the surly wisecracker he'd known only a short time. A young boy with dark hair was in several, and Finn forced himself to look away from them lest his anger overtake him. Didn't Kylo Ren know how lucky he'd been? Finn had never known his parents, had never been shown a scrap of affection, but Ren had won the birth lottery, the son of a princess and war heroes who based on the holos had nothing but love for him. And he'd repaid that love with a lightsaber through his father's chest which had no doubt pierced his mother's heart as well. Finn hated him with every fibre of his being, and couldn't stand the sight of the young boy knowing what he would become.

He turned his attention to the holos of a young toddler in Luke Skywalker's arms who he assumed must be Rey, and that made him smile again. He thought about Rey meeting her father, finally the family she had waited years for on Jakku. Finn hoped she was happy, and that when they returned she could share it with him - at least one of them would have their family back.

There was one other holo of a pale, dark-haired woman, and Finn noted she looked rather like Rey. But that wasn't what shocked him, and for a moment Finn stared at the holo to make sure he was correct. He heard Leia came back in from the other room and he turned around, pointing to the holo.

"General Organa, who is that?" he asked, even though he already suspected the answer.

"That was Rey's mother," Leia said sadly. "It's the only image I have of her, she wasn't all that keen on having her holo taken."

"What happened to her?"

"She was taken at the same time Rey was," Leia explained. "We thought she'd died too, and if Rey grew up alone…"

"No." Finn shook his head. "She didn't die."

"What do you mean?" Leia's brow furrowed as she stepped forward and grasped his shoulder. "How do you know that?"

"Because I know her," Finn explained. "She taught me basic combat - in the First Order."


	38. Chapter 38

 

 **34 ABY,** _**Millennium Falcon**_ **, Ahch-To**

Luke sank into the pilot's seat of the Falcon, eyes fixed on the small hologram of his sister. Her hair was pulled back into a tight bun and her face was careworn but Luke recognised the determined expression and gleam in her dark eyes.

"Leia," he said. "It's so good to see you."

"Luke." Her expression softened slightly, only for a moment. "I wish I was seeing you in person," she said somewhat pointedly. "I didn't want our reunion to be over the comm, but I have something urgent to tell you."

"I know you must feel like I abandoned you," Luke began, eager to make explanations. "And I'm sorry…"

"We can talk about that when you get back." Leia waved her hand dismissively. "And believe me, we'll talk about it. But this is more important."

"Alright." Luke threw a glance to the co-pilot's seat where Rey sat looking worried. He hoped nothing else had gone wrong for the Resistance, surely with the destruction of Starkiller Base the First Order had retreated giving them a reprieve, at least for a while.

"I've been given some information from Finn, a defector from the First Order." Leia took a deep breath and visibly steeled herself but held his gaze. "It's Valara - she's alive."

Luke felt his heart constrict, as if he'd been punched right in the chest. "W-what?" He looked over at Rey again whose mouth was hanging open in shock.

The holocam shifted to where a young man was standing with his hands behind his back, looking rather nervous.

"Finn!" Rey exclaimed. "You're alright!"

"Hi Rey." Finn seemed to relax, an easy smile forming. "It's good to see you."

"I'm sorry," Luke held up his hand, too distracted to let pleasantries be exchanged. "You have information about my wife?"

"Yes sir," Finn nodded. "I was raised by the First Order to be a soldier-"

"Yes," Luke cut him off. "Rey's told me all about you Finn."

"She did?" Finn smiled again.

"Finn," Rey reminded him. "My mother."

"Right." Finn nodded, slipping back into a solider's report. "Commander Valara worked directly with Supreme Leader Snoke on his flagship, but she also helped run the training academy on Starkiller Base. She was...pretty harsh."

Luke almost smiled. "That sounds like her." But then a terrible thought struck him. "Was she on Starkiller when it was destroyed?"

"No, I don't think so," Finn shook his head. "All the cadets were being mobilised, she went back to Snoke."

Luke breathed a sigh of relief. "She's alive," he said in wonder. "But how?"

"Or why?" Rey asked, a deep crease between her eyes and a rasp in her voice. "Why would she be working for them, why would she abandon me on Jakku?"

"Perhaps she didn't have a choice," Leia suggested. "I'm sure it was to protect you, Rey."

Rey shook her head, clearly having difficulty processing the information. In truth, so was Luke, knowing Valara had been alive all this time and like Rey, he hadn't known. Another stab of guilt hit him deep, it was agony to think Valara had been forced to return to the life she'd spent years trying to escape from.

"Thank you, Finn." Rey looked longingly at the holo projection and she sniffed, clearly holding back tears. "I wish you were here with me." Then she fled the room and Luke felt a surge of volatility in the Force. He turned back to the holo with a sigh, knowing that he needed to let her go. .

"Is there anything else you can tell me?" he asked and Finn gave him a few more details. Luke was impressed with the young man who had clearly bonded with his daughter - Rey had spoken of him at length, calling him kind and brave and Luke could see that, as well as a great strength in him. It was no surprise, it took an exceptionally strong mind to break away from the brainwashing he'd undergone since birth.

Once he'd imparted the information he could, Finn left him to converse with Leia alone, and Luke forced himself to smile.

"I take it things have not been easy?" she said, as always cutting straight to be point.

"No," Luke sighed, rubbing the side of his face. "Far from it. I remember a little girl and now she's come back to me a woman, and more than that, a student. How can I be her father and the one who trains her in the ways of the Force?"

"I don't know, Luke." Leia looked sympathetic. "I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"How are you, Leia?" he asked, belatedly realising how the conversation must be hard for her. "I'm sorry about Han, I feel responsible."

There was a moment where all the pain was visible on Leia's face before she composed herself. "It's not your fault Luke."

"Isn't it?" Luke asked. "I failed training Ben, I obviously didn't give him what he needed, and I ignored the warning signs. And after he revealed himself, I was so devastated that I abandoned everyone, came on this quest telling myself it was the only way. I should have stayed, should have helped you build the Resistance, should have been there for you and Han when things got bad. And Rey...she was alive the whole time, growing up alone on a harsh planet, and Valara was being held captive by the First Order. What if I could have found them, prevented all of this?"

"What if a lot of things," Leia said a touch harshly. "You need to look to the future, Luke, and stop second guessing yourself. Don't you think it tears me up inside knowing my son has caused so much pain and suffering? All of us can share the blame but what good will it do? We have no time for sorrows," she added more gently, an echo from what seemed like a lifetime ago. "We have to keep moving forward, keep fighting, that's the only way to win."

Luke closed his eyes and smiled ruefully. "I've missed your advice, Leia."

"Go to your daughter," Leia urged him softly. "She needs you right now."

* * *

 Rey shoved her few meager possessions into a bag; her spare change of clothes, a commlink, the small green stone she'd kept in her pocket ever since Luke had given to it her. She hesitated at the lightsaber, unhooking it from her belt and regarding the silver hilt. Luke had gifted it to her, saying that one day she might make her own but until then it was the blade he had learned with and that it would serve her well.

Luke appeared in the doorway and Rey clipped the saber back onto her belt definitely. "I don't care what you say," she said shortly, pulling the drawstring on the bag. "I'm leaving and you can't stop me. I'm going to find my mother."

She expected an argument, for him to forbid her, to try and guilt her, saying that they must finish her training before they left but instead Luke sat down on the bunk and clasped his hands in his lap.

"You know, when I was, well, not your age but not not much older, I started training with the great Jedi Master Yoda." His voice was very soft and contained no reproach. "He was nine hundred years old, and knew more about the Force than I probably ever will. He'd been in hiding since the rise of the Emperor on a planet called Dagobah, a wretched swamp with mud and smells you can't imagine. In many ways he was a harsh tutor, and some nights I wondered what I was achieving by being there rather than with my friends in the Rebellion."

Rey sat down on the bunk next to him. Luke had never really told her about his training, and she had often wondered if it was the same as hers or if he was using his own methods.

"At that time Darth Vader was searching for me," Luke continued. "He'd discovered that I was his son and was determined to turn me to his cause. He captured Han and Leia, and tortured them knowing that I would feel it through the Force and come for them. Yoda, of course, attempted to persuade me otherwise. Finish your training, he urged me, only then can you succeed. But I knew in my heart I could not sacrifice my friends, could not sit idly by when I had the chance to help them. I went anyway and in my anger I attacked Vader only to be soundly defeated - I lost my hand and he told me the truth, that Obi-Wan and Yoda had lied to me, that he was my father."

Luke seemed very far away, and Rey could feel how painful he still found the memory. He was quiet for a while after that, lost in the memory.

"What's the point of your story Dad?" Rey asked. "That I shouldn't make the same mistake you did, and stay here to finish my training?"

"No," Luke turned to Rey and took her hand. "If I had stayed on Dagobah, Han would still be a wall ornament in Jabba the Hutt's palace and Leia would have been captured by the Empire, perhaps even killed. I can't make your decisions for you, Rey, and I don't know what the right one's are. But I know I will never abandon you again, and I will support you no matter what you choose to do."

Rey was surprised. "You're letting me decide?"

"Yes."

Rey bit her lip, wondering if it was a trick to get her to stay after all. "And what if I decide to train first?" she asked him. "Don't you want to find her?"

"Of course I do," Luke said emphatically, squeezing her hand. "I love your mother beyond reason. But she would want me to protect you, Rey."

Rey nodded, not a sliver of doubt in her mind. "I want to go rescue her."

Luke drew her close and hugged her tightly. "Then that's what we'll do."

 

* * *

 

**Snoke's Flagship, Unknown Regions**

Kylo Ren walked down the dark hallways, glad to be free of the small room where Snoke had been keeping him for the past weeks. The Supreme Leader hadn't been pleased at all about Kylo's failure on Starkiller Base and he'd undergone strenuous, violent mental tests to prove himself still worthy to be Snoke's apprentice.

Unfortunately under the mental onslaught Kylo had been unable to maintain the false memory of Rey's death. Snoke, already suspicious that a Force-sensitive girl had been found on Jakku, raked through Kylo's mind and had uncovered the truth. However strangely enough Snoke had been very calm when Kylo had expected fury, and it was upon discovering Rey's identity that Snoke had finally released him. Now Kylo had even more of an incentive to find Luke and destroy the Last Jedi, Snoke had told him as he left the room. And not to fail again.

A part of him wished he'd remained ignorant, but by the time of duel in the snow that Kylo had accepted that the young scavenger was in fact his cousin, still alive after all these years. No one else could have called the lightsaber to them. She was strong in the Force, fulfilling the promise everyone had attributed to her since birth as the only child and heir of Luke Skywalker; she had become what Kylo had always feared she would.

And then there was the stormtrooper - Kylo cursed himself for not finishing him in the village when he'd refused to fire. If he'd killed him then Rey would still be on Jakku and the Resistance would be finished.

That was the only silver lining, that Hux had been prevented from destroying D'qar and Kylo's mother along with it. More than once he'd wondered if it had been his mother standing there on that walkway on Starkiller Base, whether he'd have been able to go through with destroying her.

He felt nothing following his father's death - that was the problem. It should have been his final step towards the dark, passing the ultimate test that even his grandfather stopped short of. But instead Kylo had felt weakened by the act and he attributed that, in addition to the bowcaster blast he'd caught in the side, to his failure against Rey, telling himself that at full strength things would have been very different.

When Kylo reached the command centre of the ship he saw Hux at the bridge. Ben clenched a fist, hating him as Hux gave a characteristic sneer at his approach.

"Ah," Hux's lip curled. "I see Lord Snoke has let you out of your cage."

"I wasn't in a cage," Kylo said through gritted teeth. "I was finishing my training."

"So the Supreme Leader said. Tell me, Ren, how many years has that taken now?" Hux taunted him. "I seem to recall your grandfather had been a fully fledged Sith for years by the time he was your age, with at least a thousand Jedi dead by his hand. You couldn't even manage an untrained girl."

"Any more than you could manage a single stormtrooper?" Kylo needled him in response. "Or keep a handful of fighter pilots from destroying your base."

Hux sniffed and lifted his nose in the air. "You forget that they only got through because you couldn't find an old man and a beast quickly enough to stop them laying charges."

"Assisted by the same stormtrooper," Kylo reminded him. "I'm surprised Snoke trusts you to command his ship when you failed so spectacularly with Starkiller Base. In any event," he added before Hux could interject. "My mission remains the same as before, to find Skywalker, but I can't get into contact with my spy in the Resistance."

Hux looked out the viewscreen to the nebula outside. "We're too far out," he explained. "Need a clue, go ask the old drunk.  Her brain's been washed out so many times I'd be surprised if she knows which way is up." Hux scoffed and turned back to Kylo with that same smug expression. "But she is _family,_ isn't she?"

Kylo bristled at his words, rising himself to his full height to look down on Hux even if it was only by a centimetre.

"Not _my_ family," he declared. "But I can see why she reminds you of yours, didn't she kill your father?" Kylo needled him, feeling satisfaction as Hux's cheek twitched. "That must burn every time you see her. I wonder why you don't exact revenge...oh, that's right. The Supreme Leader has forbidden you from doing so."

"I'm a patient man Ren," Hux sneered. "Her time will come, as will yours."

Kylo smiled for the first time since Starkiller. "I look forward to it."

* * *

 Valara sat alone in the officer's club with a full glass of whiskey and a half empty bottle. The place was deserted as usual, and she thought with a sneer that the rest of the First Order simply didn't know how to have a good time. Not that she minded being alone, she much preferred it to the preening of her fellow officers who were all too young for their own good. The General was almost half her age and it got progressively worse from there, most of the ranks made up from lily-livered Academy babies who couldn't even remember the Empire they revered so much. Only occasionally was Valara able to converse with someone of intelligence as a few select officers had been Imperial cadets during the Civil War, and Phasma was good company since she too loathed the self-important, inexperienced youngsters.

Her head ached, and Valara took another sip of her whiskey. She wasn't sure if the alcohol helped or hindered, but either way it ensured a nightmare-free sleep which was all too infrequent. She couldn't remember a time when she wasn't in pain, but that was the price of optic nerve bionics which has restored the sight taken from her years earlier. Valara could see, but the effort of doing so made her perpetually ill-tempered. She'd heard one of her pupils dare the other to try and blindfold her to see if she'd treat them more kindly, which she'd found somewhat amusing. And then she'd shown the cadet how kind she truly could be, and only sent him to the infirmary for a two week stay. He'd come back to training afterwards better for it, and had never spoken in such a way again.

A figure in black appeared in the doorway and Valara turned back to the bar with disgust.

"Commander," Kylo Ren said as he approached - he never used her name, although it was not out of respect for her rank.

"Ren." Valara took a long drink of whiskey and then refilled her glass. She squinted at him as he stopped beside her at the bar, as always a feeling of familiarity passing over her although she could not place it. He wasn't wearing his mask which was unusual, but even that didn't assist her in placing exactly what she felt she knew about him but couldn't quite remember. Her memories of her years among the enemy were scant, and none of them contained Kylo Ren although she could never shake the feeling that she knew him as something other than Snoke's apprentice.

Still, something was new as Valara noticed the bright red scar crossing his face. She smiled into her glass as she took another sip.

"Don't tell me you've actually been in a battle," she said as she set her glass down on the counter with a satisfying clink. "I thought taking your sad excuse for a lightsaber to the unarmed was more your style."

Kylo scowled, and she knew she'd touched a raw nerve. "A stormtrooper defected to the Resistance - FN-2187," he said, ignoring her jibe. "One of your trainees."

"Is he the one who gave you that lovely mark?" Valara asked, amused.

"No," Kylo said, stepping closer to her. "I killed him easily, so I suppose your training isn't what it's lauded to be."

"Then why did you come to ask me about him?" Valara questioned. "FN-2187 was talented, brave, I had high hopes for him in fact. Phasma agreed, and she was his commander, perhaps you should ask her."

"She's out of favor with the Supreme Leader," Kylo said shortly.

"Oh dear." Valara was amused. "Who _is_ in favour these days? Me perhaps."

"An easy feat when you do nothing but babysit cadets," Kylo sneered.

Valara wasn't offended, the taunts of Ren were nothing more than the buzzing of a gnat. "And with Starkiller gone there are are few cadets left, which gives me a reprieve from even that. I'm rather enjoying the holiday." She put her glass back down and refilled it.

"We need to make sure no one else follows his example," Kylo said, pushing her glass off the counter and it shattered on the floor. "And I wouldn't gloat about being in favour - given your history I imagine the Supreme Leader is wondering if he can trust you."

Valara lifted her chin, his attempts at intimidation failing miserably. "I was a double agent," she defended herself. "I maintained my cover for years, that's true, so successfully that many believed I had been turned. But I was always loyal to the Empire, and now the First Order."

"Really." Kylo seemed amused. "That's not what I've been told. How embarrassing for you," he added with mock sympathy. "Falling in love with your target? The ultimate failure, some would say."

"They wouldn't if they wanted to keep their tongue," she said dangerously, her hand dropping to the dagger she kept on her belt.

Kylo smiled ghoulishly. "Are you sure you don't still hold a torch for Skywalker?" he pressed. "All those years together, it would be natural. Maybe against your better judgement you've been protecting him by holding something back - the location of the First Jedi Temple, perhaps?"

Valara lunged forward with her dagger but Kylo was too quick for her when impaired by the alcohol she'd consumed. He grabbed her wrist and wrenched the dagger away, although she managed to land her other fist into his belly, making him stagger back. His lightsaber was drawn in an instant, the blade fiery red and angry.

"I'm not protecting anything," Valara told him. "I hate him, do you hear that? _Hate_ him."

"Good." Kylo extinguished his lightsaber and Valara sat back down at the bar, reaching for a fresh glass and knocking back the whiskey in one hit. "But FN-2187…"

Valara exhaled harshly. "What about him?"

"I'm just wondering if there is another reason behind his defection, why he would turn against the First Order."

Valara's amusement returned. "You think he was Force sensitive."

"It's possible."

"You know I don't teach the cadets to use the Force." Snoke had forbidden it, the power and knowledge was to be hoarded, in case their soldiers rose up against them.

"But they've seen you use it," Kylo pressed. "You've showed them your Inquisitor tricks."

"If he was, shouldn't you have been able to sense it?" Valara said innocently, refilling her glass.

"I already know what I've sensed," Kylo said, advancing on her dangerously. "I'm asking you."

"What does it matter if he's dead?" She saw a flicker in Kylo's eyes. "Ah, you're not completely sure, are you? And if he is there's a potential Jedi out there for Skywalker to train."

"I'm not going to ask again," Kylo said darkly. "Do you think he had the Force?"

Valara looked him directly in the eyes. "No," she lied, and Kylo scowled, turning away and stalking off in a huff. She returned her attention to her drink, unsettled despite herself.

Taking another shot of whiskey, Valara tried to push away the memories that came to her unbidden and unwanted. She remembered soft touches and moments of exquisite joy, she remembered warmth and kindness and acceptance. She'd always scoffed at the agents who came to believe their own cover stories but she'd fallen victim to it as well; she'd been weak, she'd failed, and she'd seen the truth all too late.

Her daughter was dead because of Skywalker - when she'd finally come to her senses and tried to leave him, to return with the child to the First Order he'd pursued them. There had been no kindness then, as he'd callously shot down their ship not caring if they both died, only that they would not escape him. She still remembered her daughter screaming as their ship plunged to the ground, and Valara had cradled herself around the girl's body but it had not been enough.

She harshly wiped a tear that felt like acid from her eye. Any lingering feeling she'd felt for Skywalker had been burned away just like the ship around her, leaving only hate. But she'd been unable to extract vengeance, after the crash she'd been brought back to the First Order broken and barely alive. By the time she had recovered Skywalker had vanished, and Snoke had taken pity on her, given her a role to play when Valara knew she didn't deserve even that.

She owed him; owed the First Order the allegiance she'd once sworn to the Empire and reneged on. This time, Valara promised herself nightly when the dreams of him became too real and painful to bear, this time her loyalty would be absolute.

This time, she would not fail.


	39. Chapter 39

**34 ABY, Resistance Base, D'qar**

"General Organa?"

Leia looked up at Lt Connix perched behind her controller station, two fingers pressed to the ear of her comlink headset.

"We have ships approaching," Connix reported. "Four Star Destroyers and two Mon Cal star cruisers."

"Are they hailing us?" Leia asked, quite certain of their identity but wanting to be sure.

"They are," Connix nodded, listening intently to her comlink. "Clearance code _Phantom One_."

Leia sighed with relief. "Ask the ships to remain in orbit but give the Admiral clearance to land."

"Who is it General?" Finn was by her side, as usual ignoring advice to spend more time in the medward.

"The New Republic Fleet," Leia told him with a sad smile. "Or what's left of it."

Twenty minutes later the Resistance War Council had assembled; Leia herself, Ackbar, Statura, Poe, and a few other high-ranking personnel. Finn was also in attendance, in the past weeks Leia had found him invaluable both as a source of intelligence and as some much-needed company. Although she had stopped short of giving him a rank, she wasn't quite sure where he would be best placed and given his history she didn't want to throw him back into a situation of following orders. Let the poor boy figure things out for himself first, she told herself.

Leia let out breath she didn't know she'd been holding when Wedge Antilles walked into the room, hair grey and face lined, wearing the rank and insignia of a New Republic Fleet Admiral.

"Wedge." Leia crossed the room in three strides to embrace him. "You're alive."

"Barely." Wedge pulled back to arm's length, sorrow etched into his face. "My ship got pretty singed but we escaped the cataclysm. I wish I could say the same for others. Leia - Korr was there, meeting with the Senate when Hosnian was destroyed."

Leia closed her eyes for a moment - poor Korrie, so young, so loyal, she hadn't deserved such a fate. None of them had. "I know," Leia opened her eyes, pushing the pain and guilt deep down. She at least had the goods news that they'd found Luke to cheer Wedge up, but decided to share that with him later, in private.

"It should give you comfort to know that Starkiller Base has been destroyed." Leia led him to take a place around the console, and she saw Poe stand up a bit straighter.

"We heard rumors," Wedge nodded. "But they were conflicting, some said the First Order was destroyed, others the Resistance. I was half expecting to arrive and find only rocks."

"Finally ready to join the fight then?" Poe spoke up harshly He'd once been NR himself before defecting to the Resistance, disillusioned by Starfleet under Wedge's leadership.

Leia held up her hand to silence Poe from any further accusations, and Wedge shot her an amused smile.

"I've always been in the fight, boy," he said. "Since before you were born."

"We needed someone to remain with the New Republic," Leia explained. "Someone trusted, with high security clearance. But that doesn't matter now, the Republic is gone."

"For the second time in as many generations," Ackbar spoke up mournfully.

"No, it's not gone." Poe lightly smacked a fist on the console. "We're here, we survived, and we can rebuild."

Leia admired the optimism of his youth, it reminded her of herself during the Rebellion. But she was battle-weary and no longer felt the assurity of victory - even if they succeeded and democracy flourished again, what if the fledgling government was once again destroyed? What if it was a never ending cycle of growth and then destruction, what was the point of it all?

But she also knew that she could never stop fighting, just in case this was the time they broke the chain.

"Four ships is all I have, with a few hundred starfighters each," Wedge said, nodding at Poe approvingly. "But it's a start."

"Finn," Admiral Statura spoke up. "What forces do the First Order have now that Starkiller is gone?"

"The _Finalizer_ , General Hux's Star Destroyer," Finn said. "Snoke's flagship, he commanded a fleet from there but I don't know how many ships. Most of the personnel was based on Starkiller."

"The First Order knows where we are," Leia raised her voice so everyone could hear her. "Regardless of whether they can mount a fighting force it is no longer safe for us here. Now that the fleet has found us I think it's time to move on."

"News of the Hosnian Cataclysm is travelling quickly through the Core," Wedge told them. "Most people will be too scared to oppose the First Order, but there will be many that will now flock to the Resistance."

"The New Republic can no longer protect them," Ackbar agreed. "We must show them we can, or at the very least provide a rallying point."

Leia nodded. "Poe, take your squad to the most loyal Republic planets, see what progress you can make there." She still had contacts on the old Capital, and it was the time to call in favours.

"The First Order has been terrorizing the Western Reaches for years, and those are likely to be the first systems they'll try and conquer." Statura waved his hand and brought up a map of that area of space on the holo projection. "We should try and stop them there."

"I don't think so," Finn spoke up. "The First Order doesn't care about the Outer Rim, they want legitimacy, they want the Core."

"Are you certain of this son?" Ackbar asked.

"I trust Finn completely," Leia said firmly, and waved her hand to shift the map back to a representation of the Deep Core.

"I am not doubting his intent." Ackbar's large eyes blinked. "I'm sure he is eager to assist, I am just sceptical of an organization like the First Order sharing strategy with a stormtrooper."

To his credit Finn did not blush or cower. "They didn't, but I know how they think, and what their ambitions are. They want exactly what the Empire had."

"Total domination." Leia sighed and turned back to Wedge. "Are your people ready for a fight?"

Wedge smoothed down his tunic and squared his shoulders. "Ready and eager."

* * *

**Devaron**

Leaving Chewbacca and Artoo with the Falcon, Luke and Rey trudged through the dark jungle towards the Devaronian village.

"Is this where I grew up?" Rey asked, her hand reaching out to brush a stray branch from a tree. "I thought I'd spent my whole life in the desert."

"The Temple was south of here," Luke told her. "I'd take you there but it's nothing but rubble."

"I saw it," Rey said shortly. "In my vision."

"I wish you could remember the happy times there," Luke said sadly. "There were so many Rey. We would take you down to the lake and taught you to swim in the shallow waters. Well, Valara taught you, swimming was never my strong point since I only learned after I joined the Rebellion. But I splashed around quite a bit, which annoyed your mother who never liked to be interrupted during a lesson. But it made you laugh so she couldn't get too mad."

Rey's forehead creased in concentration, and Luke knew she was searching for lost memories. "Tell me something else."

"You loved to climb," Luke obliged her. "Trees, rockfaces, anything you could really."

"Well that's one thing I didn't forget," Rey said ruefully, the beginnings of the smile on her face.

"Your favourite game was hide and seek," Luke added, his heart feeling warm at the memory. "Most of the time we didn't even realise you were playing, you'd just wander off to find a hiding place and wait for us to come looking for you. You always gave yourself away though, when you heard our footsteps you couldn't keep yourself from giggling."

"I don't remember." Rey shook her head.

"You will," Luke promised her, putting an arm around her shoulders as they walked. "They're in there somewhere, we just need to find the key to unlocking them."

Rey looked up at him, endless questions in her hazel eyes. "Why do think she never came back for me?"

"I don't know," Luke told her. "They've kept her imprisoned most likely."

"Unless…" Rey licked her lips and looked up at the dark sky. "You said she once worked for the Empire, what if she's working for the First Order now?"

"No," Luke said firmly. "Valara left that life behind, there is no way she would return to it willingly."

"But how can you know?" Rey pressed, looking at him with anguish.

"Because I know her," Luke assured his daughter. "She loved you more than anything in the galaxy, Rey. She never thought she could be a mother, for many years she didn't believe herself capable, the thought of such love frightened her. But you proved her wrong, we both did - she would never do anything to hurt us."

Rey nodded, although Luke could see she remained unconvinced. He supposed he couldn't blame her, she didn't have the luxury of remembering the way Valara used to hold her close and sing her to sleep, the contented smile on her face whenever she looked at Rey, the fierceness of her love. But he would give all of that back to her, Luke promised himself, they would find Valara and make new memories, find again the happiness that was so cruelly taken from them.

They soon reached the Devaronian village, and Luke was relieved that the Force tree he'd given to Farnay was growing strong again. She emerged from one of the huts, wide-eyed and pale before running over and trapping him in a fierce embrace.

"You came back," she said through her tears.

"I promised I would." Luke patted her back lightly and then pulled back to see new white tattoos on her pink cheeks. "I see you're an Elder now."

Farnay lifted her chin proudly. "We've been flourishing under the protection of the Force tree. I got your message."

"Good." Luke clasped her hand. One of the secrets he'd discovered on Ach-To was that the Force tree was still connected to every sapling and cutting taken from it, which meant he'd been able to use it as a communicator of sorts. Enough to let Farnay know he was coming, and reach out to the other Jedi spread across the galaxy.

"Farnay." Luke gestured Rey to come forward. "Do you remember-"

"Oh stars, it's Rey!" Farnay pressed one hand over her mouth in disbelief.

"You know me?" Rey asked cautiously.

"Of course I do!" Farnay stepped forward and swept Rey into a hug which the girl accepted somewhat stiffly. "She has grown strong, Luke," she turned to him approvingly. "But constrained, like a plant forced into a pot and unable to spread her roots."

"Farnay's strength in the Force is her connection to nature," Luke explained as Rey extracted herself from Farnay's grip looking confused. "Rey's memories have been suppressed somehow," he addressed Farnay. "She doesn't remember anything of her life here."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Farnay gestured for them to take a seat around the fire. "But you've found your father now, surely they will come back."

"No luck so far," Rey said as they took a seat.

"We have discovered that Valara is still alive." Luke clasped his hands over his knees, staring into the fire as if answers would be there. "She was taken captive by the First Order."

Farnay shook her head and looked down at the ground. She'd been close to Valara, and one of the few people Luke had been able to share his grief with when she and Rey had been taken.

"We're looking for her," Luke said. "And we've heard that the First Order has visited the planet."

"They have," Farnay nodded. "They've investigated the Temple a few times, I think looking for a clue to where you were. But I haven't seen Valara."

"I still think we need to head out to the Unknown Regions," Rey said. "That's where Finn said the First Order came from."

"Do you know how large that region of space is?" Luke said wearily. They'd been having the same argument ever since leaving Ach-To. "It's called unknown for a reason. We need intelligence, and a way to recover your memories."

Rey huffed and looked away. "Well I can't remember anything here."

"Are you sure?" Farnay asked softly and held out her hand to beckon something forward. Luke turned to the treeline and saw a pair of eyes shining in the dark. A elderly female pikhron approached and Luke felt a rush of recognition.

"Could she still be alive?" Luke breathed.

Rey jumped slightly when the pikhron began to sniff her, but then held out her hand so the animal could press her snout into Rey's palm. "What is it?"

"An old friend," Luke told her. "She saved me once, the first time I came to this planet. I used to tell you the story all the time, whenever she would bring her pack to the Temple."

"Pika," Rey said, stroking the animal's fur gently.

"Yes," Luke said, leaning forward. "That's what you used to call them, you couldn't say pikhron."

"Pika," Rey repeated softly, leaning down and pressing her cheek against the pikhron and receiving a slobbery kiss in return. That made Rey laugh, and she put her arms around the animal's neck.

Farnay gave him a smile. "I think the old girl was waiting for you Luke."

Luke crouched down in the earth next to the pikhron, stroking her lightly on the back as she turned her dark eyes up towards him. "Still coming to my assistance after all these years," he said as the pikhron whinnied appreciatively. "Thank you, my friend."

"I can't remember anything in particular," Rey said, although there was hope in her smile. "But this feels so familiar."

"Spend the night here," Farnay suggested. "And tomorrow we can go into town, your mother often used to take you there on market days. Sadly it's deserted now, most of the trade dried up when the Temple was destroyed. But maybe it will trigger a memory."

"Only if you want to," Luke said gently.

Rey was silent for a few moments, patting the pikhron absently as the animal put her large head on Rey's lap. Luke knew they were getting closer but there was still a wall up in Rey's mind - a crack had formed but they needed something to break through. He wondered if it was subconscious, if Rey's mind was somehow protecting itself from the pain a flood of memories would cause. She had to be brave enough to accept the bad along with the good, and one some level Luke himself was afraid of the pain some memories would cause.

"I want to remember," Rey looked up and nodded once. "Maybe there's something in there that will help us find Mum. You said that we were taken by bounty hunters in the forest?"

"That's right," Luke was uneasy. "But I don't think-"

"I can handle it Dad," Rey cut him off. "You can't protect me from everything."

Luke felt a stab of pain in his gut. "I know."

"Then I want you to take me to the spot where I was abducted," Rey demanded with a fierce determination that Luke remembered all too well. "Then I want to got to the Temple, and I don't want to hear any excuses about it being rubble."

"You know, traditionally a Jedi Master gives instructions to his padawan, not the other way around," Luke said with amusement.

"Well you're not a traditional Jedi are you?" Rey grinned.

"She's got you there Luke," Farnay said with a chuckle. "You always used to say that a teacher should give advice not orders."

"Besides, how many of those padawans were taught by their own father?" Rey pressed, and the pihkron lifted her head to gaze at Luke as if to punctuate the point.

"Alright," Luke held up his hands in concession and smiled. "Three against one, we'll go at first light."

* * *

**Snoke's Flagship, Unknown Regions**

Snoke's throneroom was dark and austere, but that was the way he prefered it. He'd dwelled in the dark so long, thousands of generations passing as he was imprisoned beneath the sands, trapped by a meddlesome girl. It had been the Empire who had freed him, given him a body to inhabit and allowed him out into the Unknown Regions. That had made Palpatine happy enough, he had accepted Snoke's knowledge but feared his power in the Force enough not to want him close. But Snoke had always known Palpatine's power would be fleeting - the Sith always were too focused on their own ends, they had no patience. Oh, Palpatine had bided his time, sowing the seeds ofthe Republic's destruction but once he'd achieved power he gorged himself on it and soon found himself spent.

Snoke would not make that mistake. No, his revenge would be sweeter that he'd waited so long for it. Palpatine had tried to destroy the Jedi but he hadn't understood that the Jedi could never be completely destroyed, not while there were Skywalkers in the galaxy. The descendants of his old adversary, the founder of the Jedi Order herself, the girl who had triumphed against him and forced Snoke into stasis. He'd underestimated Nellith, but Snoke would not do the same for Luke.

Nor Rey, now that Kylo's incompetence had been revealed and Snoke had discovered she was still alive. It was actually good news - Kylo was a means to an end but Rey, she would be Snoke's ultimate triumph. A new host for him to inhabit, stronger in the Force than any before her, and a vessel her father could never bring himself to destroy. He would disintegrate the Skywalkers from the inside out, and then the Jedi would never rise again.

There was a knock at the door, and Snoke bid them to enter. Kylo approached, a bundle of nerves poorly concealed beneath a cool facade.  He'd been jittery ever since completing his training.  

"Supreme Leader." Kylo bent down to one knee. "Hux has informed me we are setting course for Coruscant, is that true?"

"Yes," Snoke confirmed, drumming his fingers lightly on the arm of his throne. "Whoever holds Coruscant holds the Core, and from there the galaxy."

"But are our forces strong enough for an invasion?" Kylo queried, rising to his feet.

"We will have the element of surprise," Snoke said. "The Resistance is still scrambling, they probably expect us to attack D'qar or try and conquer the  Outer Rim first. Our only real obstacle remains Skywalker and the girl."

"Let me go after them," Kylo begged, his desperation obvious. "I won't fail this time."

"No," Snoke decreed, leaning back on his throne. "I will need you and the Knights of Ren for the ground assault. I will someone else after the Jedi."

"But who could possibly be a match for them?" Kylo asked, and then the answer dawned and he looked horrified. "Not Valara?"

"Who else?" Snoke smiled and clasped his hands together. "She is strong in the Force, and Skywalker will not raise a hand to her."

"But surely it's too dangerous," Kylo pressed, stepping closer. "If she remembers…"

"Her reprogramming is absolute," Snoke reminded him. It had been a long process, of course, her attachment to her husband and daughter far stronger than he had anticipated. It had taken the better part of a decade to complete the programming without relapses; she'd attempted escape numerous times and had taken the lives of many good soldiers in the effort. Brendol Hux had been an unfortunate casualty, Valara exacting her revenge on him the first time she could, but even that had only worked in Snoke's favour; tapping into her anger and hate had only made it easier for the brainwashing to take hold.

Snoke persevered, determined that his will would win out over her own, and every time she escaped they recaptured her, every time the truth broke through her conditioning they tried again. After many years he triumphed, although he was still disappointed they'd been unable to completely wipe Skywalker from her mind. So they twisted her love for him and turned it into a weakness, into the deepest hate. They'd left some memories intact, the death of her daughter for example, but the events altered to allow her to be bent to his will.

There was another knock at the door, but Valara entered without waiting for permission - some things were impossible to change even with brainwashing.

"Ah, Valara," Snoke beckoned her forward. "We were just discussing you."

Valara shot Kylo a deadly look as she passed, and knelt down before Snoke. "What terrible thing did Ren have to say about me this time?"

"Nothing of that sort my dear," Snoke assured her. "I have a mission for you, would you like that?"

"Anything to get me off this ship," Valara said curtly. "Not that I haven't appreciated my work with the cadets, Supreme Leader," she added quickly as she rose to her feet. "But it does get rather monotonous."

"I thought you said you were happy not to have any work," Kylo cut in, and always his spite for Valara amused Snoke greatly. "You said it was a holiday."

Valara didn't even look at Kylo, the corner of her lip twitching into a smirk. "As always, your inability to parse sarcasm makes you look utterly moronic."

"Enough." Snoke held up his hand to stop Kylo before he could explode with rage. "You should enjoy this mission Valara. "It is a challenge for you, the most difficult test. You know Luke Skywalker had returned, and it seems he has found himself a new apprentice."

For a moment the shock registered on Valara's face, but Snoke was pleased when he felt the dark side burn within her. "Who is the apprentice?" she asked.

Snoke waved his hand. "No one of importance, some orphan child, but with enough strength in the Force to be dangerous. I want her brought to me, but Skywalker is the true threat, and so he must become your mission again."

A muscle in Valara's cheek twitched. "I understand."

"Obviously not the same mission as you had last time," Kylo taunted her. "The Supreme Leader has nothing to gain from you jumping into Skywalker's bed."

Valara's fist clenched as Snoke felt her anger spike. "Enough," he said again, more firmly this time. "Valara knows what she must do, isn't that right my dear?"

"Yes," Valara said without hesitation, straightening her shoulders and clasping her hands behind her back to stand at attention. "I will find Skywalker, and kill him."


	40. Chapter 40

_Sector 51 Imperial Orphanage, Coruscant_

The building had long been abandoned; a dilapidated, grey structure in the middle of a dingy neighbourhood as far from the glittering former Imperial Palace as one would expect. The orphanage had not even been used as shelter by the local drug dealers, criminals or homeless and Rey could understand why. The building was deathly cold in that way that signified death, and there was a constant creeping feeling at the back of Rey's neck as they explored the place floor by floor.

It had been Rey's idea to come, she'd wanted to see where her mother had grown up but now that they were here it only made her sad. The sleeping quarters they were perusing consisted of nothing but rows upon rows of steel bunk beds, each with a thin mattress and threadbare blanket. It almost made her AT-AT back on Jakku seem homey.

There was writing on the far wall facing the feet of the beds, so it was the first thing the children would see when they woke up.

"Order in obedience," Rey read aloud, and then approached the wall where tattered propaganda posters were lined up under the text. Many were images of Imperial officers, stormtroopers and TIE pilots, with phrases such as _security in strength_ and _peace requires sacrifice_.

"The Empire had fed you, clothed you, and raised you," she read off one poster with a young human in Imperial uniform. "Repay your debt, join the Academy." Rey turned away from the posters and shuddered. "What a vile place to grow up."

Luke didn't answer, he was examining each of the beds in turn, laying his palm against the blankets until he found what he was looking for. "This was hers," he said, sitting down on the lower bunk and ducking his head so not to hit the one above. Rey moved to sit beside him and splayed her fingers over blanket, closing her eyes and reaching out to see if she could sense what he did.

But she felt nothing, no trace of anything familiar. She opened her eyes, disappointed, and wondered if she would ever get her memory back.

"She hated this place," Luke said softly. "I had a far from idyllic childhood, but I was loved. Here they went out of their way to crush any such notions from a child's mind, and seemed to pride themselves on breeding cold hearts. They make better soldiers, I suppose, or at least the kind of soldiers the Empire wanted."

Rey hugged her arms around herself. She'd never once in her life considered any part of her own childhood to be pleasant, but when she'd met Finn she'd realised that in a way she'd been lucky not to have been raised by the First Order. Unkar Plutt had been a harsh caregiver, and she'd never had a day's rest or a full belly in all her years on Jakku, but at least there her life had been her own. Perhaps that's what her mother had consoled herself with, leaving her on Jakku, eager to spare Rey what she herself had lived through as a child.

But if visiting where her mother had grown up had given Rey insight, it hadn't provided any indication how how to find her.

"You don't feel anything else do you?" she asked her father, who shook his head.

"I can sense her presence here, but it's a child's shadow," Luke said, taking his hand off the bed. "She hasn't been here since then."

"No, of course not." Rey was disappointed but told herself she should have expected this. "The First Order has her, so we need to find out where _they_ are."

"That's why we're here," Luke reminded her and rose to his feet. Rey followed, eager to leave the place behind, and they climbed into their rented speeder.

"There must have been First Order sympathisers in the Senate," Luke said as he steered them towards the more affluent areas of the city. "They would have known an attack was coming, and fled Hosnian Prime before it was destroyed. Most would have headed back to their home planets but I have no doubt some would have come here - to the heart of the old Empire, to where many families proposed under its rule and would be eager to see a return to those days."

"How will we find them?" Rey asked, pushing back her hair which had come loose and was flicking over her face.

"The Senate building is still used for planetary government," Luke explained. "Their records are current and meticulous, we should be able to find someone with the information we need. But first I want to go to the Jedi Temple."

"It's still there?" Rey had of course heard the stories from Luke about the great seat of the Jedi Order, but he'd also told her that the Empire had tried to wipe away all traces of the Jedi.

"The Emperor took up residence there, and called it the Imperial Palace," Luke indicated a building with five spires which appeared in the distance ahead. "But it will always belong to the Jedi - to us, Rey." He patted a cloth bag on the seat beside him, but before she could ask what he meant or remind him that she hadn't yet decided whether she wanted to be a Jedi, a commotion in the sky caught their attention.

At first it was bright sparks of light beyond the clouds, but Rey felt a sinking in her stomach, and the way Luke pulled the speeder over indicated he felt the same.

"It's a battle," he said, flicking on the speeder's holo and searching for official channels. "They're attacking." Sure enough, a report came on calling up the civilian defence force.

"The First Order," Rey whispered, looking up with the sky. "We have to stop them."

Luke had already started up the speeder again and turned them back around towards where their ships were docked. Chewbacca was waiting for them outside the _Falcon_ , waving his arms as they approached.

"We know," Luke said as he jumped out of the speeder and walked over to his X-Wing where Artoo was already in his compartment. "I have to go up there and help."

Rey grabbed the bag still on the seat and threw it over her shoulder as she climbed out of the speeder. "So will we," she said, nodding to Chewie. Then she turned to her father with her chin lifted, ready to meet his refusal with impassioned argument. But Luke only sighed, looking at the sky.

"I can't stop you, can I?"

Rey shook her head. "I'm not letting you go up there alone."

Luke strode over and embraced her so tightly Rey couldn't breathe. "Trust your instincts," he whispered and kissed the top of her head. "I love you."

He released her and climbed up to the cockpit of the X-Wing, going through the take off preparations and pulling on a helmet and goggles. Rey felt her heart race, the reality that they were two ships going up against the might of the First Order and it was likely they would not return. She could lose her father after only just finding him again.

"Dad!" she called out as his canopy began to close, panic clawing at her. "I love you too," she added desperately, a plea as well as a declaration, one she'd only now felt she could make. Luke smiled, and the skin around his eyes crinkled so she knew it was real.

Chewie patted her shoulder lightly, and Rey harshly brushed away the tears that had formed in her eyes. "Right," she said, "Let's go."

They followed Luke's X-Wing in the _Falcon_ , and Chewie opened the lines of communication between them, explaining that he'd already contacted Leia about the attack. The Resistance would send ships but they were halfway through their evacuation of D'qar and their fleet was scattered. Through the viewscreen Rey could see other ships rise from the city - at least they would not be completely alone.

"Coruscant Civilian Defence," Luke's voice came through the open channel. "We are here to lend assistance."

"Copy," a female voice said over the comm. "Please identify."

"Callsign Red Five," Luke said, and Rey felt a small tap at the back of her mind, advising her to keep their true identities concealed.

She thought quickly and then flicked on the microphone. "Callsign Solobird," she said, nodding at Chewie.

"Copy Red Five and Solobird," the voice acknowledged. "But who are you?"

 _No one_ , Rey thought about the answer she'd given to BB-8. So much had changed since then she could scarcely believe it.

"We're friends," Luke assured the CCD, and if they wanted to question him further they soon found the more pressing matter of the First Order fleet that loomed in space as they broke through the atmosphere. There were six Star Destroyers that were each already deploying dozens of TIE fighters, and beyond them there was an enormous cruiser of a design Rey didn't recognise. The remnants of any ships that has been stationed above the planet floated in space - obliterated by fire from the Destroyers.

Besides the Falcon and Luke's X-Wing, the CCD ships numbered perhaps thirty, ranging from sleek yachts to cargo freighters. A small number considering the planet's population, but it was a volunteer force which meant a great number of people had refused the call. It seemed like Luke was right about sympathy for the First Order flourishing on Coruscant - either that or sheer fear had prevented them from coming to their planet's defence.

Rey turned to Chewie in the co-pilot's seat. "What do you think our chances are?" she asked, desperate for some reassurance.

In response the Wookiee pushed the shields to maximum and growled that Han would say it was better not to know.

"Right." Rey steeled herself, turning back to the viewscreen as her hands tightened on the controls. She tried to think of Han, how brave he had been despite overwhelming odds that he would fail - she would show the same kind of courage, and if he was watching from somewhere in the Force, make him proud.

* * *

Valara stood on the bridge of Snoke's flagship watching the battle rage outside. Coruscant's meagre defence forces were no match for the power of the First Order - it was likely the first time most of the Coruscanti who fancied themselves pilots had seen a battle, let alone participated in one.

And yet it was taking longer than expected to overcome them, due to the exceptional performance of two ships in particular - an X-Wing and a Corellian freighter who between them had taken out dozens of TIE fighters and thus far evaded fire from the Star Destroyers.

"Sense anything, my dear?" Snoke drew level with her, and she looked up to see uncharacteristic concern on his disfigured face. He must be worried to have left his throneroom, and she had no doubt he had the same suspicions she did.

"No," she said, her mouth twisting bitterly. "I tried to reach out but the way is blocked."

"As much a confirmation as anything," Snoke said, and Valara nodded in agreement.

"I recognise the ship as well - the X-Wing," she admitted, seeing no point in hiding the information. "It has the same markings as the one I flew for the Rebellion." Of course, he'd flown it more than she had, but Valara couldn't bear to say _we_.

"Ah." Snoke's features twisted into the semblance of a smile. "So he remains a sentimental old fool. That will work to your advantage."

"Yes." Valara knew she should be pleased that they had found him without even trying - it would save her tracking Skywalker across the galaxy, but she would miss the thrill of the chase. And if she was honest with herself, she would have prefered more time to prepare herself for the confrontation - that was why she'd wanted to accompany the fleet to Coruscant first, to remind herself where she'd come from.

"Supreme Leader," an officer called out from below. "The _Finalizer_ is hailing us."

"Put him through."

A hologram of Kylo Ren appeared, visibly tense. "Lord Snoke, the _Millennium Falcon_ is assisting in the defence," he said, his voice dark. "And I have no doubt Skywalker is in the X-Wing."

"We are aware." Snoke waved his hand.

"He could turn the tide of the battle," Kylo added. "If you let me-"

"No," Snoke cut him off. "You have your mission. Valara will take care of Skywalker."

"And the girl?" Kylo pressed, a muscle in his cheek twitching.

"She is nothing without her master," Snoke said curtly, and then turned to Valara. "The objective is Skywalker."

"Understood," Valara nodded. What interest could she have in Skywalker's apprentice anyway?

* * *

"Hold on, Chewie!" Rey called out as she yanked on the control yoke and pulled the ship into a tight barrel roll to avoid a hail of blaster fire. He roared in response and pulled the sequence of toggles enabling the ship to stabilize again.

Fighting in a real battle was a galaxy away from the frantic flight from the TIEs on Jakku - there was no way to do it without a co-pilot so the guns were unmanned. Not for the first time Rey wished she had Finn with her, to hear his voice through the comm, to know he was down there in the gunner's seat.

They flew in formation with Luke's X-Wing, and Rey was shocked at how in sync they were, anticipating each other's movements, protecting each other from attack and double-teaming the enemy in return. It was exhilarating, and Rey found her fears melting away to be replaced by a confidence she'd never felt before.

Part of it was the knowledge that Luke had her back, that he would never fail to swoop in a take out a fighter that was on her tail, or that she could begin a maneuver knowing he would realise the play she was about to make. He was the best pilot she'd ever seen, and although she had to admit her own experience was limited, he was certainly a better pilot than she ever thought possible.

Luke was even triggering the Falcon's guns, reaching out through the Force to fire at precisely the right moment, all the while steering his own ship and firing his own shots in tandem. In all the training they'd done on Ahch-To her father had never even hinted such things were possible, although she could understand why, since now she knew she wouldn't stop until she'd learnt how to do it too.

"Rey," Luke's calm voice flooded over their private channel. "Two targets to your right."

"Got 'em," Rey confirmed, nodding to CHewie as together they pulled off the maneuver and the TIEs were destroyed in a volley of fire from both the Falcon and the X-Wing.

Rey let out a whoop of glee. "They're no match for us, Dad!"

"Confidence - like everything else - in moderation," he warned her. "They're sending reinforcements."

Rey looked to the where a few dozen more fighters emerged, this time from the vessel of unknown origin which she assumed to be the flagship. These TIEs were slightly different, and Rey looked down at the analysis which appeared on the screen - shielded vessels with increased firepower.

A low, dangerous growl from Chewie brought her attention back to the viewscreen, and it was as if all the breath was suddenly sucked from Rey's lungs. She recognised the sleek black shuttle which emerged from one of the Star Destroyers, flanked by more elite TIEs.

"It's Kylo Ren," she whispered hoarsely, her heart beating wildly and her cheeks flushing with wild anger.

"Rey, no," Luke called, and at the sound of his voice Rey felt her anger subside if only slightly.

"He's heading down towards the planet," Rey said as the shuttle veered off while the first lot of TIEs headed towards them, forming a barrier. "We have to stop him!" She remembered what his forces had done on Takadona, and wasn't about to let it happen again.

"The battle is more than just one ship," Luke reminded her as they began to engage the TIEs. "The CCD forces are flagging, they need our help."

Rey glanced at Chewie - she knew he also desperately wanted to go after Kylo and seek retribution for Han. But she also saw the wisdom of Luke's words and quashed those impulses deep down, turning her concentration back on the battle. In any event, she needed to make her way through the TIEs before she could follow Kylo Ren.

Unfortunately the elite TIEs proved much more of a challenge - it took several hits to take out their shields and the pilots were vastly superior. When Rey heard beeping from the controls indicating further ships existing hyperspace nearby she felt her heart sink, she wasn't sure how much longer the CCD would last against the ships already on them.

But when the newly arrived ships come into view she saw that they were Resistance vessels - two squadrons of fighters as well as a few transport shuttles.

" _Millennium Falcon_ , this is Black Leader," a familiar voice said through a private line. "We were in the neighbourhood and thought we'd drop by."

"Poe!" Rey exclaimed with relief. She'd only spoken to the pilot a handful of times while on Takodana, but knew he had helped Finn escape the First Order. "Is Finn with you?" she asked hopefully, while Chewie lurched the ship out of the way of an incoming blast.

"Yes," Poe confirmed, and Rey felt her heart leap. "Don't worry, I gave him a kiss for you when he woke up."

Rey found herself grinning, but a growl from Chewie for her to pay attention brought her mind back to the battle. She moved the Falcon closer into the fray as the Resistance ships moved into formation. She and Luke dispatched a TIE while Poe led his squad down to engage the fighters one on one.

"Rey…" Luke's voice contained a warning, somehow he knew that she'd been keeping one eye on Kylo Ren's ship which was now entering Coruscant's atmosphere. But it was too late, she could trust Poe to take her place in the battle and the TIEs blocking her way were now engaged by his squadron. Her earlier resolve broke - she knew what she had to do.

"I have to stop him," she said, veering off to follow the black shuttle where it had disappeared into the planet. "Poe, cover me."

"Copy that." He, at least, wouldn't try to stop her, and swooped in to cut of any enemy pursuit.

"Rey!" Luke called to her, and she saw on the control panel that he was trying to follow her but was engaged by one of the elite TIEs.

"Sorry Dad," Rey whispered and shut off the comm channel. "You'll have to trust me."

* * *

"Rey!" Luke called to her again, but knew it was in vain. She'd cut off communications, and he didn't want to risk touching her mind through the Force and distracting her. He gritted his teeth and adjusted his grip on the controls.

"Alright, Artoo," Luke addressed the little droid. "Let's cut our way through." A message appeared on the screen in affirmative but urging him to concentrate on the elite TIE on their tail. Luke put all his effort into dodging the frequent blasts that came from behind him but they got a lucky shot in, clipping his wing.

"Increase the shields," Luke told Artoo. Usually he flew with them on minimum to boost his blaster power, since it had been a long time since anyone had been able to actually hit him. The pilot was good - better than a TIE pilot had any reason to be.

Luke swore in frustration, veering right in a half-turn and barely dodging another blast. "The Force is strong in them," he muttered to himself, trying to reach out but unable to sense anything.

"Master Skywalker, do you need assistance?" Poe asked, and Luke looked over to see the Resistance fighters fully engaged along with the few remaining CCD ships.

"No," he said, pulling his ship out of the fray and down towards where the _Falcon_ was moving towards the planet. "See if you can get one of those Star Destroyers out of commission, that'll slow them down." If they couldn't stop the invasion at least they could cause some damage.

"I was thinking the same thing." He could almost hear the grin in Poe's voice.

Safe in the knowledge that Poe could lead the battle, Luke turned his attention to shaking his pursuer and following Rey down to Coruscant. Already, he could feel a shift in the Force, a herald of the dark side waiting to be brought forth in her and he couldn't let that happen. But first he had to lose the TIE behind him, and Luke accelerated through the planet's atmosphere at an almost dangerous speed, which should have been enough to ward off any sensible pilot.

When the city came into view Luke checked the scopes and saw that the TIE was still on his tail. "Ah, you're fearless," Luke said to himself, almost impressed by their tenacity. "Well so am I."

Luke switched all energy to thrusters and firepower, ignoring Artoo's warning that one shot would finish them off. He waited for the TIE to fire, taking advantage of the split second when their attention would be on that alone to reverse his thrusters and shoot backwards through the sky. His ship sailed past the TIE before they knew what was happening, and still in motion he fired on them, landing a direct hit at full power.

"They call that the Jedi Jettison," Luke said, grinning to himself as the TIE was immobilised in the air. They'd have no option but to make a landing now, and he put his ship back into forward motion.

"Now, Rey, where did you go?" he asked, scanning the sky for the _Falcon_. Artoo's informed him that both ships had landed in the grounds of the old Jedi Temple, and Luke wondered what Kylo was up to. He'd been there before, of course, Luke couldn't very well deny him that without giving a reason why. So he had taken Ben to see what was left of the Temple without letting on that it was also where Darth Vader had committed his first massacre.

If it was Kylo's goal to complete the job if defiling it, Luke didn't see why it was his first order of business. So to speak, Luke thought grimly, and turned his ship in the direction of the Temple.

"We have to stop Rey from confronting him," he said to himself. He was used to that, after the years on Ahch-To, but it was nice to have Artoo around to listen again. "She's not ready, she-"

The X-Wing shook violently - they'd been hit! It was the TIE, Luke realised, instead of using their last bit of power to make a landing like any sane person would do, they'd fired everything they had at him. It had been enough to decimate the shields and break off the already damaged wing, sending the X-Wing into freecall despite Luke and Artoo's desperate attempts to stop it. The TIE, now completely spent, followed their crash trajectory, and Luke briefly wondered who the pilot could possibly be, to know he'd perform the Jettison and trap him with it, giving up their own ship in the process.

Artoo's frantic, electronic scream drew his attention back to their own precarious situation, and Luke closed his eyes, reaching out to the Force. He was calm, he knew the Force was there to catch him, to enfold his ship in her embrace and slow their fall. In the end the impact felt like a small jolt akin to going into hyperspace unexpectedly.

Luke pulled off his helmet and goggles and forced the canopy open so he could crawl out. Artoo whistled at him, and Luke caught him with the Force, drawing him out of his compartment and down to the ground.

"You okay, old friend?" Luke patted Artoo's dome and received a beep in response. The street around them was deserted, no doubt the residents had barricaded themselves inside their homes. The TIE was crashed nearby, a smoking ruin but Luke could see the cockpit start to open - the pilot was still alive.

Luke began to walk towards the wreck, lightsaber already in his hand. It would be a simple matter to overpower and detain them, perhaps he would still have time to make it to the Temple and stop Rey from giving in to her dark thoughts.

But Luke stopped when he saw the pilot emerge, clad in a black uniform of the First Order. But that wasn't what struck him - it was her face, so familiar, the face he'd seen in his dreams every night for fifteen years, unmistakable despite the time that had passed.

"Valara," he breathed, feeling sluggish, as if in a dream. How was it possible? He could not feel her presence through the Force, once as familiar to him as his own, now different, with mental shields tighter than even when he'd first known her.

She stood before him, her eyes fixing on his and with a jolt he realised she could see.

"Skywalker," she called to him in a clear, cold voice, and pulled a lightsaber from her belt. In that moment Luke knew she was not the wife he remembered, he could feel her hatred bubbling just beneath the surface, a hate directed at him. There was a coldness to her, as if everything warm and gentle and good had been stripped away long ago and Luke pushed back his despair.

Artoo's raced at her, his electronic prod extended as he screeched wildly. Valara laughed and held out her hand, pushing Artoo's back with the Force and sending him crashing into a nearby building.

"Artoo!" Luke called to him, distressed. The Valara he knew would never have done such a thing, and in some ways it felt almost worse than her blowing his ship out of the sky. _Their_ ship.

"Valara, what happened to you?" he asked although he suspected the answer. After hearing Finn speak of the First Order's "reconditioning" program he'd suspected it possible, but hadn't wanted to believe it could be done, not to V. Was that why he'd been dragging Rey around to the places of Valara's life before, rather than a concerted effort to find her? Had he wanted Rey to get some semblance of who her mother had been before confronted by who she'd become? Luke would never know, but it hardly mattered when confronted with the horrifying reality.

"V," Luke took a step towards her when she didn't answer, reaching out through the Force to try and touch her mind, to lock into the memories he was sure were in there somewhere. "It's me, it's Luke."

"I know who you are," Valara said coldly, igniting her lightsaber into two blood-red blades. "As if I would forget the man I'm going to kill."

* * *

Rey crept down the dark hallways of the former Jedi Temple, keeping her distance from Kylo Ren who strode purposefully ahead of her. If he'd sensed her following him he didn't show it, although the thought struck her that he was leading them into a trap, somewhere he would have the advantage. She touched the lightsaber on her belt for reassurance and turned to Chewie behind her, beckoning him to follow her.

The thought of facing Kylo Ren again filled her with equal parts dread and exhilaration. The Force had been with her last time, and she'd learnt so much since then. But she knew she'd also taken him by surprise, and no doubt he'd been working ever since to make sure that didn't happen again.

Rey clenched a fist. She had more than training though, she had knowledge - she now understood just how much Kylo had taken from her, and that fueled her despite Luke's warnings not to give into anger. It would be justice to take Kylo out, Rey consoled herself, but she wouldn't kill him, just incapacitate him enough to take him prisoner, return him to the Resistance to stand trial. Surely that was not of the dark side?

There was a tingling sensation at the back of her neck, and Rey turned but saw nothing but an empty hallway. Chewbacca was in front of her now, and she forced herself to keep step with him as they followed Kylo through get another grand chamber, hiding behind large pillars to keep from being seen. He was heading upwards, and the tingling sensation became a tug, as if to pull her backwards.

Rey exhaled and turned around again, but this time she saw a figure disappear around the corner. But it wasn't a person, not one of flesh and blood anyway - it had been translucent, like a ghost.

 _Rey_ she heard a female voice calling her. _Rey..._

She touched Chewie lightly on the arm. "Follow Kylo," she whispered. "Find out what he's doing."

He looked at her quizzically, cocking his head to the side so she smiled, trying to reassure him. Luckily, Chewie trusted her implicitly and she him, so felt no qualms about following the apparition - trust your instincts, Luke had said. She was finally taking his advice.

Rey followed them down into the bowels of the Temple, occasionally catching a glimpse of the ghost as she turned a corner but never quite seeing who she was. And yet Rey trusted her, the voice had become familiar to her on Ahch-To, and felt as if Nellith was trying to show her something important.

She was lead to a dark hallway much like any other, but this time Rey saw the apparition in full. She was tall, and wore a simple homespun robe much like Luke's. Her smile was like Luke's as well, warm and inviting, as if she was sharing a secret. Rey began to walk towards her but Nellith disappeared into the wall.

"Wait!" she called, moving to the spot and pressing her hand against the smooth barrier. It felt strange, almost alive under her touch, and Rey gasped and pulled away. The outline of her hand remained in the wall, a glowing brand which seemed to grow and burn a hole to the other side. On Jakku she'd loved finding hidden compartments in the ships she scavenged from, she could make believe there was hidden treasure inside, enough so she would never have to work for Unkar Plutt again. More often than not they they were empty, panic rooms in case the ship should be boarded.

This was something entirely different, and when Rey stepped inside the vast room it was illuminated by some unseen source. It had once been a garden, there was earth under her feet and Rey saw the remains of plants and flowers long since withered away, although she wasn't sure how they'd survived underground in the first place.

Nellith stood in the centre of the room, looking forlornly at a hole in the earth which gave the appearance of a gaping wound.

"Was this yours?" Rey asked, approaching the ghost of her ancestor with the beginnings of understanding. "You helped build this Temple, didn't you? And you wanted a place of your own, to remind you of Ahch-To."

Nellith smiled and nodded but still did not speak. "Why did you bring me here?" Rey asked. "What's so important about a dead garden?"

Nellith pointed to the cloth bag that still hung at Rey's side - she'd never bothered to remove it when taking it from Luke's speeder. She looked inside and retrieved a clipping from the Force tree on Ahch-To - was that what Luke wanted to come to the Temple for?

Rey looked at the fragile plant in her hand, and then down at the hole in the ground. Luke had told her that all of the trees were connected back to the original of Ahch-To, and therefore to the very heart of the Force.

"You wanted me to bring it home," Rey said, understanding, kneeling down on the ground and placing the clipping in the hole, gently moving in the earth around it. Almost instantly she felt a rush through the Force, and before her eyes the clipping began to grow, reaching out roots and sprouting leaves.

 _To bring_ _you_ _home, Rey_ , she heard in her mind, and was suddenly flooded with memories - she saw herself as a child, held in her mother's arms, playing hide and seek with her father, learning how to fight with a staff. She saw Leia and Han and Ben at family gatherings, Han pinching her cheek and calling her kid, Leia laughing softly as she pulled Rey's hair back into a braid. Even Ben - giving her a ride on his back and making her laugh uncontrollably.

Tears streamed down Rey's cheeks as she was overwhelmed with all the memories which had been buried so deep. But the dam had broken now and she saw everything - not only her own life but further back. She saw her mother as a child in the orphanage next to a boy with a crippled hand, she saw her father surrounded by sand and flying through a narrow canyon.

Rey was dimly aware that the garden was growing around her, green returning to the refuge as grass sprouted beneath her knees and flowers bloomed. She could barely catch her breath as more images assaulted her - her grandfather as a young man with the lightsaber which hung by her side, a dark-haired woman in an ornate gown, and another, this one older, saying goodbye to her son. Rey slammed her eyes shut but that didn't stop the onslaught, the images moving so quickly she couldn't keep up, memories not her own forcing their way into her brain.

She saw the lives of a thousand Jedi before her until finally she saw Nellith planting the first tree in the Temple, saw her battle against a dark force with a pale face, unable to destroy him and so trapping the creature beneath the sands of Jakku. She saw Nellith's eyes, clear and blue and accepting of her fate as she closed them for the last time.

Finally, Rey felt herself following, tumbling into the abyss of the past.

* * *

The sound of their clashing blades was sickening to Luke's ears and he was caught off guard by the vehemence of Valara's attack. He had no time to think of why she wanted to kill him or how to reason with her, his attention focused on defending himself. Luke had always been the more talented swordsman, but he'd been out of practice on Ahch-To and clearly Valara had been waiting for the confrontation for some time.

He concentrated on parry and strike, deflecting the twin blades as he strove for an opening. "Valara," he said to her, holding his green blade firm against her own. "You don't know what you're doing - you were taken by the First Order-"

"I left willingly," Valara snarled, spinning out the reach of his blade and then attacking again. "You should have just let me go."

Luke ducked a vicious swipe of her blade and then counter-attacked - perhaps if he could incapacitate her, she would listen. Valara defended his blows easily - she would see his heart wasn't in them and took advantage of that fact, stepping up her attacks, spinning and shifting her feet to use the double bladed weapon to it's full effectiveness.

"V-"

"Don't _call_ me that!" She lunged at him, and they tumbled to the ground, hands clamped on each other's wrists to try and force the release of a weapon. But Luke was too strong for her, and with his mind he deactivated her blades and sent the handle flying, using her shock to pin her hand to the ground by the wrist and holding his lightsaber above the other.

"I don't know what they did to you," he said, holding her firmly down when she struggled. "But you have to believe me - Rey's alive, she found me."

"No." Valara said through clenched teeth. "Rey's gone - you killed her."

Luke was shocked. "Is that what they told you?"

"I saw it," Valara insisted. "I was there."

"It's not true," Luke said, if they'd been able to convince her of that no wonder she hated him. "Rey's here, we've been looking for you."

At that moment he felt a great shift in the Force, a convergence of power emanating from the Temple. Luke panicked, looking up to where he could see the tall spires on the horizon. "Rey."

Luke's brief distraction gave Valara the opportunity to strike, elbowing him in the chest and wresting his lightsaber away. She pushed him hard, reversing their positions so that he was flat on his back, his own green blade illuminated above him. With the Force he yanked it away but his arms were held down by her legs and he could only send it flying across the street. Valara's slim hands closed around his throat, cutting off his protests as she squeezed.

Luke flailed, trying to call on the strength to push her off him but all of his body's focus appeared to be trying to take smothered breaths through the pressure of her choke-hold. All she could see was her dull hazel eyes boring into his own, with nothing behind her gaze but hate. Through her dark pupils he could almost see the glint of the implants which must have restored her sight.

The pressure on his throat increased and squeezing his trachea and cutting off his air supply completely. He struggled in vain, trying to grasp her with the Force but she held him firm with with mind as well as her body.

"V…" he managed to call out through the Force, a last desperate appeal to the woman he was sure was still inside. "I love you."

But there was no recognition or response. Luke tried to reach out to Rey's with the Force but felt nothing - as if she was gone too. He stopped struggling against the pain and grief, and saw Valara give him a triumphant smile a split-second before he saw a burst of light send her sprawling.

Luke gasped for air, sucking in lungfuls as a figure with a blaster loomed above him. "Finn?" he asked, his voice ragged and raw.

"That's right." Finn gave him a grin and patted his blaster. "We thought you could use an assist."

"Valara." Luke crawled desperately over to where she was slumped unconscious on the ground, pulling her into his arms.

"She'll be okay," Finn assured him. "I had it set to stun."

Luke touched her cold cheek lightly and then held her to him, his breathing difficult but the tears flowing freely.

"We have to go," Finn urged him. "The battle's lost, Poe called the evacuation."

Luke looked up, fear clawing at him. "Rey."

"Where is she?" Finn asked, and Luke saw he was just as worried.

"They went to the Temple," Luke said, each word agony. "Something's happened, I can't feel her in the Force anymore."

"We'll find her," Finn said, assisting Luke to his feet and reaching for Valara. "Do you need help?"

"I'll carry her," Luke gathered her in his arms and called for his lightsaber. Finn looked at him skeptically, and it occurred to Luke what an old man he must seem to the boy. "Can you get Artoo?" he asked, hoping the little droid was alright but knowing he'd been through worse.

When they were back on the shuttle Finn led him to the cockpit where the pilot was waiting. "Master Skywalker," she nodded to Luke, and glanced strangely at Valara. "Good to see you Sir. Shall I call the medic?"

"Yes but first we have to go to the Temple," Finn said. "Wherever that is."

"I know it," the pilot said with an amused smile, flicking the button to call the crew while the ship rose into the air.

"Try hailing the _Millennium Falcon_ ," Luke said hoarsely, giving them the private frequency as the medic appeared.

"Let me take her, Sir," he said, and Luke relinquished Valara somewhat reluctantly.

"She's been stunned," he told them. "And…" he choked on the words, he couldn't say the work brainwashed out loud, at least not yet.  

"We'll take care of her, Sir," the medic assured him, and Luke swallowed heavily as they took Valara away. But his focus needed to be on Rey now, and Luke turned his attention back to the viewscreen.

""Look," he said, pointing towards a Star Destroyer breaking through the sky, touching one hand to his throat as the word vibrated through his crushed trachea.

"We need to get out of here," the pilot warned.

"Not without Rey," Finn insisted. "Have you got a response from her ship?"

"Not yet," the pilot said, flicking the comm again. "Wait…"

A roar came through from the other side and Luke exhaled with relief. "Chewie," he forced out.  "Where's Rey?"

Chewie growled and Finn looked to Luke for a translation. "She's safe," he assured him, pressing two fingers against his throat and alleviating to pain through the Force to help himself speak. "He found her in the Temple," he added as Chewie continued. "She was passed out."

"Is she alright?" Finn leaned forward, almost knocking the pilot over as he grasped the comm unit.

"Finn," the pilot said, pushing him back. "Can this wait?"

"Chewie," Luke spoke up, trying not to think about what might have happened to Rey. "Can you take off? We need to get back to the Resistance."

Chewie growled in the affirmative, and Luke nodded.

"Transferring rendezvous coordinates," the pilot confirmed, and Luke was relieved to see the _Falcon_ emerge from the Temple grounds. Luke left the cockpit as they prepared for hyperspace, finding the cramped medbay which barely had enough room for a cot let alone the medic, who had to squeeze up against the wall to let him approach.

Valara was still unconscious - she looked small and pale in the medcot, but Luke noted with shock that she'd been shackled. "You restrained her?" he said to the medic accusingly.

"She's...an enemy combatant," the medic defended himself. "I thought it best."

Luke touched his throat again, still raw and tender, no doubt bruises were already beginning to form. He couldn't disagree with the assessment - she would be a danger to everyone on board when she woke up.

"Can I examine you, Sir?" the medic asked.

"Later," Luke waved him away, and the medic left reluctantly. Finally alone, Luke knelt by Valara and took her hand in his, careful of the binders which secured her to the cot. Despite everything when Luke looked at her he felt hope, and he kissed her palm like he used to do in what felt like another lifetime.

"It's going to be okay, V," he said softly, rubbing his thumb against the back of her hand. "We're all together now- you, me and Rey."


	41. Chapter 41

_Medbay, Temporary Resistance Base, Chandrila_

Rey's breathing was even as she lay prone in the bed, although every now and then her closed eyelids fluttered. She was hooked up to machinery that monitored her condition and displayed her vitals on a screen behind the bed - her heart rate was low and steady, but her brain activity was a jumble of confusion, as if it contained the thoughts of dozens of people and not just one. Dr Kalonia had said that was likely the reason they couldn't rouse her, and was working on a remedy.

Finn sat beside her, watching over Rey as she had once done for him, waiting for any sign that her brain activity would stabilise and she would awaken. It had been days already and there was no change but Finn kept up the vigil, his time spent mostly worried not only about Rey, but the fate of the Resistance.

As soon as they'd returned from Coruscant Poe had gone back almost immediately with an intelligence team to see if they could start a planetside resistance against the First Order. Finn had wanted to go with him, so he could tell people how he understood their fear, their desire to submit or run rather than fight, but he couldn't leave Rey. He'd promised Poe to join him as soon as possible and taken up residence by Rey's bedside, determined that he would be there when she woke up.

The Resistance Base was deep underneath Hanna City, the capital city of Chandrila. Leia had told him that it had once been an escape bunker, built during the time of the Empire in case there was ever an aerial bombardment. Chandrila had been the home of one of the Rebellion's greatest leaders, Mon Mothma, and although the government sympathised with her cause and often channeled funds to her, they feared retribution should their complicity be discovered.

The bunker had lain vacant for years during the New Republic, a time Leia had spoken of fondly when she'd still been a Senator and lived on the surface with her family. Even Luke had lived on Chandrila for a time, she told him, and Finn had seen the melancholy in her despite the happy memory. She never mentioned Kylo Ren, although she was clearly thinking about him always. Han she mentioned often, always pleased to share a story or remembrance if someone brought him up. He was thought of fondly by many in the Resistance, and Finn suspected Leia spoke of him more as a kindness to them rather than her own need to do so.

"How is she doing?" A soft voice spoke up from behind him, and Finn turned to see Luke Skywalker in the doorway, the droid Artoo-Detoo on his heels. When Finn had first rescued him on Coruscant he almost couldn't believe the unassuming man in the tattered robes and windswept hair was the Jedi of legend, but since coming to Chandrila his hair and beard had been trimmed and he wore a tunic and trousers of dark grey, giving him a very different kind of presence. Yet he was soft-spoken and his words always kindly, taking pains to make sure everyone felt at ease around him. Despite this Finn found himself rising as Luke approached, putting his hands behind his back and straightening to attention.

"No change, Sir."

Luke smiled. "You can call me Luke, you know."

"Yes, you've said." Finn felt his cheeks warm, as they went through the ritual almost every time they spoke. "Habit I suppose."

"Of course." Luke's smile faded and he patted Finn lightly on the arm. "Life in the First Order must have been harsh."

Finn shrugged, most of the time he tried not to think about it. "It was the only life I ever knew."

Luke's gaze slid askance, perhaps thinking of his wife. "And yet you broke free. They couldn't stop you from becoming who you are."

"To be honest I don't really know who that is," Finn admitted. "I just knew I didn't want to be like them."

"Well that's certainly a good place to start." Luke smiled again, his gaze shifting to Rey. "I haven't thanked you yet, for finding Rey. You did in the space of a few days what I couldn't in fourteen years."

"General Organa said that it was the Force at work," Finn said, unsure of whether or not he believed it. "But if that's true, would it mean the Force didn't want her found before now?"

"It's possible." Luke grimaced, taking the seat Finn had vacated as Artoo rolled the the head of the cot, keeping his own watch over Rey.

"Do you know what's wrong with her?" Finn asked, seeing that Luke was reluctant to say any more on the will of the Force. Not that Finn blamed him, given the circumstances.

Luke sighed and gently took Rey's hand. "She unlocked something in the Temple - not just in her own mind, but in the very Force itself. I can sense the presence of other Jedi within her, their memories, their thoughts, but it's like downloading a large software payload, her mind needs time to process it."

"So you're not worried?" Finn asked hopefully.

Luke glanced up at him, and Finn saw the dark circles under his eyes, the sorrow etched into his face. "This has never happened before," he said before turning back to Rey and squeezing her hand lightly. "But she's strong, I believe she will come back to us."

Finn hoped he was right. He shifted from one foot to the other, feeling as if he should leave Luke alone with Rey but not quite ready yet. What if Rey woke up and he wasn't there?

"Finn?" Luke looked up at him again.

"Yes sir? I mean - Luke."

"You saved my life too." He tugged lightly at the high collar covering his throat. "Thank you."

Finn ducked his head self-consciously. "I was just lucky I got to you in time. Do you think...do you think she would have..."

"Killed me?" Luke's mouth twisted at what no doubt was an unpleasant thought. "She was certainly very close to it."

"I was never taken to reconditioning," Finn told him. "But I knew a few other troopers who'd been taken after they did something that was deemed subversive. They always came back different, as if every thought and feeling had been stripped from them, and they always spoke the same way, as if they had a set of programmed responses they couldn't deviate from."

"Did anyone ever...recover from it?" Luke's face was impassive, but Finn could almost feel his turmoil, swirling just beneath the surface.

Finn shook his head. "Sometimes they didn't come back, and I think those were the ones it didn't work on. I'm sorry, Luke."

"Never be sorry for telling the truth," Luke said, a slight hitch in his voice as he turned back to Rey.

"Your wife...Valara." Finn felt strange saying her name rather than her rank. "She wasn't like that - I mean she never seemed to have any feelings other than disdain, but she definitely didn't speak like the others who'd been reconditioned. I don't know if that makes things better or worse."

The corner of Luke's mouth lifted but his gaze remained fixed on Rey. "Better," he said softly. "It means they couldn't erase her, not completely."

What Finn remembered of Valara was a woman with no soft edges, she delivered orders in a crisp, cold voice and rarely gave praise; the absence of insults was the only way to know that you'd pleased her. Finn had never felt the full brunt of her direct teaching style, he'd always performed well enough in combat and strategy classes. But he'd seen her unleash an acerbic tirade on more than one other student who dared talk when she did or who was unable to perform to her satisfaction. Finn didn't imagine anyone who used such colourful language to be the product of conditioning, but perhaps it was done differently on officers.

He wanted to say more but didn't see how it would help, and a part of him felt he should save his stories for Rey.

"I'll leave you alone," Finn said, no doubt Luke was desiring his absence. "Let me know if there are any changes." He backed out of the room but lingered in the observation chamber outside where a large transparisteel window looked into the medbay. Luke started to speak and curiosity got the better of him so he kept out of sight.

"Your mother's alright," Luke said softly. "By that I mean she's alive. The brainwashing is stronger than I could have imagined and she's in constant pain." Luke's shoulders visibly tensed. "The implants gave her back her sight but the effects are agonising. Kalonia's trying to figure out a way to remove them safely, assuming she'll let us."

Luke gently stroked Rey's hair, his metal hand now covered with artificial skin. "But the worst thing is that her memories have been twisted, she thinks you died and I was responsible. They haven't let me talk to her yet, they think it would be too much, but I've been thinking about how to break through to her. I wondered if I brought her to see you - but what if she couldn't sense you among all the others now swimming around in your head?" He closed his eyes or a moment and sighed deeply before opening them again.

"But I have faith in her." Determination replaced defeat in Luke's voice. "She's strong, stronger than they could ever hope to be."

Finn felt he'd lingered too long, and crept out of the room to leave father with daughter. He found himself walking towards the isolation wing where he knew Valara was being held, nodding to the man guarding the door as he moved aside to let Finn pass.

A two-way mirror permitted a view into the interrogation room where Valara sat with her wrists clad in binders and a chain shackling her to the table. Doctor Kalonia sat opposite with a datapad, showing Valara her medical scans, trying to explain the effects that years of reconditioning on her brain.

Leia stood in front of the glass with her arms folded, watching with an unreadable expression. Finn approached and touched her arm lightly, causing Leia to turn and nod in acquiescence.

"She hasn't said a word," Leia said, shifting her gaze back to her sister-in-law. "Not even name, rank, and serial number."

"That was standard procedure if we were ever captured, " Fin told her. "Our orders were to say nothing, believe nothing, and try to do as much damage as possible when escaping."

"I don't doubt it," Leia sighed. "How is Rey?"

Finn shook his head. "No change. Luke's with her now."

"He was here earlier," Leia sounded very weary - Finn had seen the twins embrace on their reunion but since then things had been noticeably tense. "He wasn't at all happy about the chains," she nodded to Valara, her shackles clinking lightly as she moved. "But we can't take any chances, she tried to kill him."

"So you don't think there's any chance of reaching her?"

Leia shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "There was no chance of getting the Death Star plans, but we got them, there was no chance of actually destroying it, but we did. There was no chance of bringing down the Empire, but we fought anyways despite years of defeats. So I know nothing is ever a lost cause. Or no one."

Finn wondered if she was thinking of her son again, did she still hope for him despite everything he'd done? He thought of his own parents, if they were still alive, did they hope one day to find him? Rey had found hers against all the odds, even if it was nothing like the reunion she'd dreamed of. Perhaps it could be though.

"General," Finn turned to Leia, steeling himself. "Let me talk to her, she'll remember me."

Leia stared at him for several long moments with that probing dark gaze. Then she rapped on the window three times and Kalonia withdrew to the observation room with her datapad.

"Like talking to a durasteel wall," she said as the door slid closed behind her.

"Finn's going to go in," Leia told her. "Any immediate medical concerns?"

Kalonia looked Finn up and down but he'd completely recovered from his injury and she had no other excuse. "Just don't get too close," she warned him.

Finn didn't need to be told that, making his way into the interrogation room trying not to let the nerves show on his face. He glanced back at the window which sure enough looked exactly like a mirror from this side, he could see his own reflection and was thankful he seemed impassive enough. He took a seat opposite Valara and although her expression didn't change he could tell she was amused by his presence.

"FN-2187," she said in that crisp voice he remembered so well. "So it's true."

"My name's Finn," he told her shortly, crossing his arms in front of him.

Valara smiled wolfishly. "Cute."

"You're willing to talk now are you?" Finn said, trying to wrest power over the conversation back. "I was expecting it to be more difficult than that."

"What can I say, your mere presence moved me," she responded dryly. "I'm ready to renounce the First Order and join your little band of terrorists."

"The First Order are the terrorists," Finn spat back. "They destroyed the New Republic, killed millions of people."

Valara stared at him for several moments but Finn held her gaze, determined not to be intimidated. He was in the right, and even though he knew it was a product of her brainwashing, she was wrong.

"Ren was right to be worried about you," she said eventually.

"Kylo Ren?" Finn resisted the urge to glance back to the two-way mirror to where he knew Leia was watching.

"He came to me all aquiver," Valara said with the ghost of a smile on her face. "He wasn't certain he'd killed you, and was worried that the next time you faced him it would be as a Jedi. How quickly that would sow dissent among your former comrades, perhaps even encourage them to follow your example."

"Jedi?" Finn blinked at her. "Me?"

Valara leaned back in her chair, her shackles clinking as she moved. "Hasn't Skywalker told you that you're Force sensitive?"

It took Finn a few moments to process her unexpected words, and at first he told himself it was just some trick to get him off guard. But then he remembered the feel of the lightsaber in his hand, how he'd instinctively known how to balance its weight, the screams he'd heard in his mind as he saw the red beam of Starkiller's laser streak across the sky, the gut feelings he followed that almost always turned out to be right. Could it be true? _That's not how the Force works_ , Han had told him, but hadn't they found Rey relatively easily on the massive Starkiller base, as if he'd been drawn to her presence?

All questions for later, Finn knew he had to regain control of the conversation. "He's been a bit preoccupied," he told her. "With Rey."

It had the desired effect, Valara couldn't hide her pained expression. "Rey is dead."

"No," Finn told her. "She was on Jakku for fourteen years, right where you left her."

Valara lightly touched her temple and closed her eyes for only a moment. "I left a dead girl."

"No," Finn insisted. "And it wasn't me Kylo Ren was worried about, it was Rey. _She's_ the one who defeated him on Starkiller Base, did he tell you about that? What else do you think he hasn't told you?"

Valara was impassive again. "Why would I care what that snot-rag has to say?"

"That's a fine way to speak about your nephew." Finn leaned forward, knowing from her reaction that he'd shocked her.

"Ben?" Her forehead creased. "What's he got to do with it?"

"He's Kylo Ren," Finn said as if it was obvious. "Didn't you know that either?" He could see her working it through in her mind, maybe replaying her memories to find an easy way to dismiss his words.

"He's the one who left Rey on Jakku, to keep her out of the way," Finn pressed his advantage. "He took you to the First Order, and they sent you to reconditioning. That's where they were going to send me, but I escaped and the Force led me to her. I was _meant_ to find her," he said, realising that he believed it after all. "So I could help her find her father - and find you."

A muscle in Valara's jaw clenched, and in her lap her hands were fisted so tightly the knuckles were white. "So if this is true, where is she?"

"In the medbay," Finn said with a grimace. "She's unconscious."

"How convenient." Valara visibly relaxed. "If that's all you got I'm not sure why you bothered to come see me."

"She'll wake up soon," Finn told her with a confidence he didn't feel. "Then you'll see."

Valara stared at him and Finn held her gaze again, thinking perhaps he saw a bit of defiance behind that cool facade. "As much as I've enjoyed our conversation, I'd like to go back to my cell now."

Finn nodded and rose, knowing he wasn't likely to make any more progress with her. The sliding door opened and Finn slipped through it to where Leia was waiting - Kalonia must have gone back to the medbay.

"Well done, Finn," Leia said, although she looked troubled as she watched Valara through the glass.

"I hope you don't mind I told her about…"

"No," Leia shook her head. "It was a good idea, I think it's shaken her." Finn looked back through the window and saw that Valara was shifting uneasily in her seat, binders rubbing against her wrists.

"It's going to take a lot more than that to get through to her," he said.

"Yes," Leia agreed, eyes fixed on her sister-in-law. "But it's a start."

"General...do you think I have the Force?" he asked, knowing it wasn't the time or place but needing to know. "Or was she just playing with me?"

"I thought...perhaps." Leia turned to him again, and this time her gaze was warm. "When you told me about how you broke away from the First Order. But I was never fully trained, I couldn't be sure."

"But Luke would know," Finn pressed. "Why wouldn't he tell me?"

Leia sighed. "My brother's a complicated man, and he's been alone a long time. Of his own choosing of course, but that's beside the point." She waved her hand as if to dismiss the the thought. "As you said, he's had Rey to worry about."

"We both have," Finn said. "General, why didn't you ever become a Jedi?"

Leia looked down at her hands and idly fiddled with the ring she always wore. "I always told myself that I had too many other responsibilities, that it wasn't a life I was suited to. But if I'm honest, I think...because of my father."

Finn knew she'd been raised as royalty but didn't know much else about her history. "Who was he?"

She looked up at him again, a sad sort of smile on her face. "I'll tell you all about it one day," she promised. "But for now can you go get the guards to escort Valara back to her cell. And Finn?" she called after him, and he paused at the door. "You don't have to be a Jedi to use the Force - remember that."


	42. Chapter 42

In the darkness of her cell Valara had no concept of time. It was always black, even when they brought her food twice a day and she had to feel each bite with her fingers to make sure no one had tried to slip something sharp inside. They wanted to unsettle her but Valara had lived in the dark for years, it was almost a comfort and a relief to return to it. Her head ached almost constantly, and she spent most of her time sprawled out in the narrow cot against one wall, willing the pain away.

Every now and then they brought her in shackles to the interrogation room, the fluorescent light stinging her eyes and sending sharp stabs of pain through her temples. Valara wondered if they'd given up on actually questioning her and only took her from her cell out of habit, since the last time they'd left her chained to the table for what seemed like hours and no one else had entered, not even their doctor to make more paltry attempts to convince Valara her mind was not her own.

She hadn't seen Finn again - that had been four times in the room ago but she had no idea how long it had actually been. A part of her was relieved, the conversation with him had unsettled her, and as much as she wanted to believe that he was lying about Kylo Ren it made too much sense. The familiarity in him she could never quite place, and searching her memory of the gangly, awkward boy of Leia's she could see the same face. She wondered why Snoke had not told her the truth, or perhaps he thought she'd known. Not that it would have made a difference, Valara convinced herself, all it proved was that she was not the only one to flee Luke and reject his authority. Somehow, it gave more credence to that choice.

Valara looked at the mirror on the wall of the interrogation room, knowing that someone was on the other side watching her as they always did. She was certain that she was also being filmed and the recording viewed later, searching for a way to break her. This time was different though, she wasn't being observed by just anyone. When Valara looked at her reflection in the glass she felt a jolt and knew exactly whose eyes were staring back at her, gathering the courage to enter.

She was careful not to show any difference in her demeanor, although knew he would have felt it through the Force. Even after all these years, in close proximity he was attuned to her, she'd discovered that much when she'd confronted him on Coruscant. It had only been her razor focus and tight mental shields that had kept him at bay, and focused on her mission. For a moment she instinctively looked over herself in the mirror, noting the messy, dark and silver strands of hair that fell over her shoulders, the dark bags under her eyes and her sallow complexion. Valara pushed aside such vanity, her appearance was irrelevant and she didn't care what he thought of it anyway.

It was some time before the door to the cell opened and Luke stepped through, and despite herself Valara felt a leap in her belly at the sight of him. In the sterile grey room he shone; older, his hair grey in the dim shadow but still brown in the light, a silver beard neatly trimmed around his jawline. The wrinkles on his face were deeper and his frame slightly fuller, but he was still the man who plagued her memories and haunted her dreams. Valara clenched her fists, digging her nails into her palms to distract herself. She'd never had to fake attraction to him, and told herself it was a natural reaction that could and should be easily quashed.

"Hello Valara." Luke's voice was soft, and he took the seat opposite as if they were sitting down to dinner rather than an interrogation. His gaze lingered on her bound wrists, grimacing at the red rim of bruising underneath the binders. Luke flicked his hand and her shackles fell away, hitting the table with a clang.

Valara rubbed her wrists and gave him a wry smile. "Is that wise, considering our last meeting?"

"I seem to recall winning the duel," Luke smiled, and there was another treacherous leap in the pit of her belly. "You only got the upper hand because I was distracted."

"That's why I make it a point never to have distractions," Valara said, forcing herself to look away from the way his lips formed around the words. _You hate this man_ , she told herself. _You hate him_. "The victor is the one who survives."

"But we both survived," Luke pointed out, and when she turned back to him saw a shadow cross his face. "I'm sorry, V. All these years, everything that was done to you...I'm sorry I couldn't find you. I looked - for years I searched for you and Rey."

"Did it occur to you that I didn't want to be found?" she said, a cold anger burning under her skin. "You should have just let us go."

"I know they've convinced you of that." Luke held her gaze with those pale blue eyes she had spent years finding joy in. "Burned false memories into your mind to make you believe that all the years we had together were a lie."

"They weren't all a lie." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, and Valara wrested her eyes away from his, cursing that she'd been drawn into them again.

"Only some of them then?" There was humour in Luke's voice. "Tell me about it, if you'd be so kind."

Seeing the opportunity to pull back power in the conversation, Valara made her sure voice was as cold as possible. "But I'm not kind. I never was, and you were a fool if you believed otherwise." He was momentarily unsettled, and Valara pressed her advantage. "I like your shirt," she added, looking at the high collar which covered his throat and tracing her own neck with a light finger. "Not embarrassed are you?"

Luke undid the buttons close to his throat and pulled the collar aside to reveal a red bruise tracing his neck from one side to the other, dark in spots where she had pressed her fingers deep into his throat.

"Happy?"

Valara was surprised that the sight of it gave her no pleasure, instead she felt an odd sadness not unlike regret. "Not as much as if I'd been able to finish the job," she forced herself to say, although it was obvious he didn't believe her.

Retreating back into her mind, Valara repeated the mantras she'd been taught, reminding herself that he was a man who had almost succeeded in breaking her, that everything she had ever felt for him had been nothing but weakness of the body and mind. Her head ached and Valara bit the inside of her cheek, trying to draw the pain down.

"I know you don't believe Rey's alive," Luke said, a pleading note in his voice. "But I can show you," he reached across the table with his palms open. "If you're brave enough."

He wanted her to take his hands, to allow him into her mind and show her his memories - or what he wanted her to believe were his memories. But that was the mistake she'd made before, letting him too close, allowing him to pull her away from who she really was, corrupt the very heart of her. Valara pulled her hands back into her lap and Luke held his out for a moment more before retreating.

"I guess that would have been too easy," he said with a rueful smile, although she could sense his deep disappointment. "I'll make you a deal, Valara, you tell me what you think happened and if it's convincing enough I'll leave you alone."

"Hardly seems worth it," Valara said lightly. "If you don't come to see me how will I ever have the opportunity to kill you?"

"You really hate me that much?" A crease formed in the middle of Luke's forehead. "Or are you just following orders?"

"Can't it be both?" She smiled at him, showing her teeth.

"You told me once that you were done with all that," Luke said seriously. "That you'd never be controlled by anyone again, or forced to see through someone else's eyes."

Valara blinked, and resisted the urge to touch the scars by her eyes, now the only outward indication of the injury she'd once suffered. She forced herself to sit utterly still and stare back at him as if his words had no effect on her.

"I'm not being controlled," she said, her words clipped. "I was weak when I was with you, Luke. Willfully blind in every way."

That had hurt him, and Luke leaned back in his chair to regard her. She leaned forward to press her advantage, leaning on the table with her elbows.

"I never defected to the Rebellion," she told him. "My job was infiltration."

Luke seemed almost amused. "And yet you successfully stole the Death Star plans, I bet they weren't happy about that."

Valara scowled, a sharp, sudden pain lacing through her temples. "I was deep cover, and after that I was trusted implicitly by the Rebel leaders. Besides, the chances of actually bringing down the Death Star were one in ten million even with the plans, it seemed an acceptable risk. You were...unexpected."

"That's one word for it." Luke gave her a half smile and Valara clamped down on a flutter in her belly. "So let me guess, we met and you decided that I would be a good...reconnaissance mission?"

Valara bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from smiling, and forced aside the pleasant memories of the very detailed reconnaissance they'd once made of each other.

"Something like that," she said softly and looked away again.

"But you pushed me away so many times," he argued. "You never asked me anything about my missions, you even saved me once when I could have easily fallen into the hands of the Empire."

Valara kept her eyes on the stark grey wall. "That was my failing - I liked you." An understatement, but an appropriate enough explanation. "The worst thing you can do as a double agent is start to believe your own cover, but I was young and overconfident. Then one by one my brother and sister Inquisitors disappeared - taken out by Rebels or punished for failure, until I was the only one left. After the Emperor died there didn't seem to be much point keeping to my mission, I knew it was only a matter of time until the Empire fell."

Her head was aching but Valara wouldn't allow him to see her weakness. She kept her gaze firmly diverted to the wall and didn't even glance over to see his reaction.

"We kept finding each other," she said, forcing out the words. "Over the years I forgot who I'd been - forgot my training, my duty, my convictions. Until one day I finally came to my senses - Snoke reminded me of who I truly was, accepted me back even though I had been the worst kind of traitor."

"Snoke." There was a quiet anger in Luke's voice. "He's the one who arranged for you and Rey to be taken, you didn't leave willingly."

Valara turned back to him. "I'm sure that's what you would like to believe," she taunted him. "It must be so galling for the great Luke Skywalker to find out that I was able to fool you for so long, that I would choose the First Order over your Jedi and precious Republic. That who I was with you was just a passing fancy, a fraud."

His throat worked as he swallowed, and for a moment her gaze lingered on the raw, exposed skin.

"V-"

"Don't call me V," she snapped. It was too intimate, too familiar.

"Alright," he agreed. "Valara."

But even that, said in his soft, slightly hoarse voice, reminded her too much of everything she would rather forget. She forced her eyes back to his and lifted her chin slightly.

"So, are you going to leave me alone?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, I don't believe anything you've said."

Either his utter conviction when faced with the truth was pathetic or strangely admirable. "You're so sure of what you thought we had?" she asked. "Not even the slightest doubt?"

"No." Luke shook his head firmly. "I'm not saying you never lied to me, but if you want me to believe that you did so consistently and intimately for over twenty years, I just don't."

"You want _me_ to believe that the last fifteen years of my life have been a lie," she countered. This was why she hated him, she was presumptuous, and sanctimonious, and far too sure of himself. "That I've been brainwashed or some such nonsense."

"The First Order reconditions soldiers who step out of line." A muscle in Luke's cheek twitched. "Isn't that right?"

"The troopers maybe," she said hotly, offended by the insinuation. "But not me."

"So how do you explain Rakata Prime?" he asked. "You walked right into the heart of the Imperial Remnant with a bomb."

"Settling an old score," Valara responded immediately. "Brendol Hux and I had unfinished business."

Luke was clearly unconvinced. "You were willing to kill yourself just to take him down too?"

"I always have an escape plan," she told him with a smirk, and glanced behind him to where she was certain they were being watched through the two-way mirror. "And I got him in the end, that old fool never lived to see his bastard take the reins."

Luke cocked his head, appraising her. "You seem to think very little of your allies."

Valara scowled, she hadn't meant to give anything like that away. Once again Luke was proving how manipulative he was, that genial facade hiding a ruthless intent and she couldn't allow herself to underestimate him. Snoke had warned her of this, reminded her of her past weakness and failure while assuring her that he trusted her not to fall prey to him again.

"They took Coruscant, didn't they?" She raised her chin proudly. "The First Order, like the Empire before it, has little regard for the individual but is a triumph of the group. That is why they will thrive where the New Republic stagnated and fell."

"So you admit," Luke leaned forward slightly. "You are just a cog in their machine?"

Valara pursed her lips, thinking over her next words carefully. In many ways it was an appropriate description, just not in the way he meant it.

"The alternative is a machine that does not work at all," she countered. "But I don't think you came here to talk philosophy."

"No." Luke smiled, and she wondered if he was thinking of all the times they had over the years, although she had never shared him him her true beliefs. "I suppose...I just wanted to see you." There was a hitch in his voice and Valara saw for the first time unguarded affection in his eyes. He still loved her, even after all these years. It surprised her, although perhaps it should not have. But it was possessive, Valara reminded himself, that was why he'd chased her when she'd fled with Rey - he'd always wanted more from her than she had been prepared to give.

"Well you've seen me," she said. "And I gather it was not the reunion you'd been hoping for."

"No," Luke conceded, and idly touched his bruised throat. "But it at least it's gone better than last time."

Valara bit her lip as she clamped down on a smile, she refused to be charmed by him.

"On Coruscant," Luke continued, leaning forward on the table as if he'd sensed her momentarily tremor. "You said you thought I killed Rey, what did you mean?"

White-hot anger flared in her again, how dare he try to deny what he'd done? "When she and I left, you pursued us." She thought back to the worst day of her life, she and Rey fleeing desperately with Luke in his X-Wing behind them, targeting her ship's shields. She'd been blind then, and her memories were dark but she all too clearly remembered the sound of it, fumbling at the ship's controls when the autopilot had failed, asking Rey to calculate the jump to hyperspace as they were rocked by laser fire.

They'd almost made it, but the next impact had been Luke physically ramming his ship into hers, dragging him along through the hyperspace window. When he'd disengaged on the other side it had torn a hole in her ship and sent them plummeting to the planet below. Rey had been too small for the restraints in the co-pilot's seat and had been flung from it during the fall - Valara had disengaged herself and held Rey close, trying to shield her little body but it had been too late. She remembered feeling the exact moment her daughter's life had slipped away, the sound of her own guttural wail drowned out by the explosions rocking the ship as it rocketed towards the ground, the feel of Rey's rapidly cooling cheek pressed against her own as Valara had held her tightly.

She'd been quite prepared to die at that point, to let the abyss take her as the ship had crashed but the descent slowed, a Force-fuelled intervention from above. He hadn't meant to hurt either of them, just stop them from leaving him - but that didn't make Rey's death any less his fault.

Valara relayed the story to Luke clinically, refusing her let her voice waver or tears fall. There was a blinding pain in her temples and behind her eyes but she kept her focus on Luke - accusing, unrelenting. By the time she'd finished he was blinking rapidly and there was the slightest quiver in his lower lip.

"Well I can certainly see why you'd want to kill me," he said, a tremble in his voice. "But that's not what happened, Valara. They've twisted your memory somehow - I think that ship might have been Ben's. Snoke arranged for you both to be taken by bounty hunters, and Ben claimed he tried to save you but the ship crashed. I saw a glimpse of it in his memory."

Valara shook her head, replaying her own memories again - the pursuit, the ship falling, Rey in her arms…The pain in her head became almost blinding, and Valara rooted her feet to the floor to stop herself from falling off the chair, but still keeping her posture locked to give no outward appearance of distress. But Luke's gaze still drifted over her, and she could feel his presence in the Force linger around hers, outside the impenetrable barriers she'd erected in her mind.

"You're in pain." It was not a question, and Valara scowled that he'd been able to read her so well. Since she'd been revealed, Valara allowed herself a moment to close her eyes and rub her temples.

"Worth it to have my sight back," she said, thinking of how foolish she'd been all those years, thinking that lack of vision had meant anything but weakness.

"No," Luke said, and Valara opened her eyes again to his probing gaze. "I don't think that's it. You feel pain every time you try to convince yourself of a false memory. It's part of the reconditioning, isn't it?"

Valara shook her head, refusing to even listen to his lies. "No," she pressed her fingers against the side of her head, hard. "Stop."

"Alright." Luke held out one hand, which shook slightly. "Don't hurt yourself, please."

Valara closed her eyes again, drawing on the Force to quell the pain which was marginally effective. She hated him seeing her like this, knowing he would find some way to use it to his advantage, so when she reopened her eyes she was sure to strip her face of all emotion.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked, and she had to admit he looked genuinely concerned for her.

"Fine," she said in a clipped voice. "Just a side effect of the implants, and nothing more."

Luke cleared his throat and looked down at his hands, as if searching for the right words. "I remember you telling me about the Inquisitors," he said softly. "Of how they would plant commands in your head. That even after you defected you were worried they could still control you, that you were a sleeper agent waiting to be activated. You thought you were a danger to me, that's why you pushed me away."

Valara searched her memory for the conversation - it was there, but fuzzy, is is she were looking at it through a veil. It had been after Luke had lost his hand and found out Vader was his father, although he hadn't told her that at the time.

"Maybe I was trying to warn you." Valara crossed her arms over her chest.

"If that's true, you must have cared for me," he continued cautiously, lifting his gaze again.

"I told you I did." Valara wished she could return to the safety and darkness of her cell, she felt far too exposed.

"So if you loved me, if _that_ was real, surely there's a chance the rest of it was real too?" His gaze was entreating, and she almost wanted to believe him, her heart starting to beat fast. But how could she? Valara trusted her own mind and no one else's, and she'd ben drawn in by his sweet words and deep eyes before and that had lead to disaster.

"Maybe I cared for you once," she told him, staring him down and refusing to even blink. "When I was weak and foolish. But I'm strong now, Luke, so believe me when I say that the only thing I feel for you is hate, and it will be the greatest pleasure of my life to destroy you." She reached for the shackles and slipped her wrists through, encasing her hands in chains once again to signal she was done with the conversation. "You can go now."

"Alright." Luke nodded and rose to his feet, although he did not look defeated. "I remember you once said that everyone eventually figured out that you were a lost cause," he added, the corner of his mouth lifting. "Except me, and time would tell if I were naive or wise."

Valara stared at him but he didn't seem to want a response, moving towards the door and rapping on it three times. It opened and before he disappeared into the dark room beyond, he turned to her and gave her a smile that made her feel so warm when they took her back to the freezing cold of her cell it was hours before she felt it.

* * *

Leia climbed upward through the one of the many spired towers of Hanna City. It was an apartment block much like any other, except that years earlier Luke had once lived there with Valara. At least, that was what Luke had always claimed, even though Valara had only been there sporadically and Leia had never been quite sure what the status of their relationship had been at the time.

The apartment itself was no doubt now occupied by other residents, but Leia could feel Luke close by and so climbed up to the roof of the building. Sure enough, she found Luke was sitting on the stone ledge gazing up at the stars.

"I thought I'd find you up here." It was one thing she learned about Luke very early, he didn't like to be kept confined for too long, and certainly not underground. He always returned to the sky.

"I needed some fresh air," Luke said softly, pulling his gaze down and giving her a sad sort of smile. Leia sat beside him on the ledge, swinging her legs over the side and tucking her hand into the crook of his arm. She noticed Artoo a few feet away, powered down but a sole blinkling light on his dome indicating that he was monitoring everything.

"I watched the recording," Leia said, squeezing Luke's forearm in comfort.

"I thought you would."

"I wish you'd held off until I was there," Leia scolded him lightly. "I thought we agreed you'd wait a little longer."

Luke sighed but his smile did not fall. "You always think you telling me to do something is us agreeing to do it."

Leia chuckled lightly. "That may be so, but I'm usually right."

"Usually." Luke nudged her playfully, but her amusement quickly faded. She'd been angry when the guards had reported Luke's visit to her, conveniently made when she'd been in a strategy meeting. Watching the recording and seeing Luke willingly unbind Valara's hands had made her heart leap into her throat in a way she couldn't forget.

"I just worry about you," Leia said more seriously, thoughts lingering on the dark marks around his neck. "I can't lose you, Luke. Especially not now."

She felt his presence in the Force reach out to envelop hers and she accepted it willingly. This was what she had missed all those years, unable to sense him in the Force, not even sure if he was still alive. But now he was back, and Han was gone - they'd never be all together again, not even in the Force.

"I keep expecting him to just show up," Luke said, looking back up at the sky. "To walk through the door and say: _hey Kid, guess what, I found_ your _kid. You really owe me this time_."

Leia smiled at his pitch-perfect impression even as it hugged harshly at her heart. "It gave him such hope, to think that he might have found her against all odds. He always...blamed himself a little bit, and I think part of his wandering these last few years was keeping an eye out, just in case."

"It wasn't his fault," Luke said, a pained expression on his face. "If anything, Ben…" he trailed off, and Leia knew the guilt he carried, and didn't want her to deny.

"But you left," Leia reminded him. "All we got was a message from Artoo, and Han was so hurt by it - probably even more than I was. I know why you did it, the decision had a kind of logic I could reason though even if I didn't agree. But Han...he was used to having your back, to being the person you always turned to for help. For him to feel so helpless, and rejected...it took its toll."

Luke was silent for several moments. "I didn't know. I thought...at least you both had each other."

Her heart ached as she thought back to the estrangement with Han - it hadn't involved bitter fights or reproachment as one may expect, but instead long silences and absences. The path of least resistance, which was out of character for both of them and therefore impossible to predict.

"Just because I understand why you left doesn't mean it didn't hurt me," she said, her voice a trifle sharp. "That my heart stopped crying out for yours every day for the last six years, that I haven't made myself sick with worry about where you were, if you were safe, if I'd ever see you again."

Luke slipped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. "I'm sorry, Leia."

"We all dealt with it in our own ways," she said wistfully, and echo of she and Han's last conversation. "Han went back to smuggling, I to politics, but running was never your style, Luke. That's what surprised me the most."

"Well I like to think of it as searching rather than running," Luke said softly. "But I take your point. I think my heart had been absent ever since Valara and Rey had been taken, all I wanted to do was leave the Temple and search for them but I convinced myself that training Jedi was more important. So when they were taken from me too…"

"I know," Leia assured him, resting her head against his shoulder and rubbing his arm gently. "And I understand, and I forgive you. Just don't do it again," she added sternly.

"Yes, General," Luke said, warmth returning to his voice as she again felt his light touch through the Force. "Any other orders?"

"Well, I would like to agree on a plan for dealing with Valara," Leia said, straightening up and giving him a firm look. "No more off the cuff meetings - what I watched today was haphazard and ineffective."

"She is my wife," Luke pointed out, visibly bristling. "I think I know her best, and she's going to see any deprogramming strategy coming a mile away."

"But you don't know her anymore Luke," she reminded him. "She's spent so many years in the First Order, who knows what they did to her."

Luke grimaced, no doubt he didn't want to think about it. "She's still there, Leia. I can feel it - there were moments when she would look at me…" He rubbed his chin, thinking for a few moments. "They couldn't convince her everything was a lie, or she would have believed she was a spy the entire time. She loved me so much they couldn't completely convince her otherwise, but in the twisting of it the hate she feels now is so much deeper."

"You went so easy on her," Leia said. "Held back when you could have pushed harder."

"The more truth she hears, the more she clings to the lie." Luke shook his head. "They did their job well, I could probably show her holorecordings of what really happened and she still wouldn't believe it."

"And what about Rey?" Leia pressed. "If Valara accepts that she didn't die back on Jakku, maybe she'll be able to see through the rest of it. That's how they got her to hate you, maybe that's what can bring her back."

"I've gone back on forth on that so many times," Luke said. "Rey's in such a fragile state, and who knows how Valara will react. It's a risk that I don't think I'm willing to take. At least not yet."

"So what are we going to do?"

Luke looked up at the sky. "Keep trying, I suppose. I'm sure I can get through to her, it will just take time."

Leia knew time was something that was in short supply, but she chose not to say so. Instead she took Luke's hand and squeezed it lightly, so that he knew no matter what happened, she would be there for him. If nothing else, they would always have each other.


	43. Chapter 43

Valara was roughly shaken from sleep, and it was only the blaster nozzle pressed to her temple that stopped her from snapping the intruder's neck.

"What?" she asked curtly instead. She couldn't have been asleep more than an hour, and she'd already had her interrogation with Luke earlier, surely they wouldn't bring her back again so soon.

"Come on." A gruff voice Valara recognised as belonging to her night guard. He grabbed her arm and pulled her out of bed and into her shackles - for a moment she considered damning the consequences, taking him down and making her escape. She'd gleaned from Luke that they were in a highly secure underground bunker, but he'd refused to say which planet they were on. Valara was certain she could make it past the few soldiers guarding her cell, but beyond that there was no certainties and she'd decided to wait and gather as much information as she could before making her move.

The guard pushed her roughly to the interrogation chamber. "You know what to do by now," he sneered and the door slid shut behind her.

Valara blinked, letting her eyes adjust to the blinding white light which had become as familiar to her as the darkness of her cell. When they did she saw that the room was not empty, a man with close-cropped silver hair and a finely tailored New Republic uniform sat at the table waiting for her.

"Quite a break from protocol," Valara said lightly as she took a seat. "Usually they don't let anyone in here until I'm properly secured." She jingled her shackles for emphasis but did not move to fasten them to the table as she usually did.

Wedge Antilles gave her a smile that was half amusement, half disdain. "By all means, if it makes you feel more comfortable."

"Not afraid I'll snap your neck?" she asked, leaning back in her chair and letting the chain of her unsecured shackles drag across the table. "I've certainly been tempted to many times over the years, perhaps this is the day my resolve fails."

"Still all bravado I see," Wedge said, and didn't seem the least bit concerned.

"I could say the same for you," she responded, casting an eye over him. "Sitting there in your neatly pressed uniform and polished insignia. Admiral of nothing but space dust."

His mouth twisted bitterly, she'd scored a hit. "Please tell me that you had something to do with that. Ordering your execution would be so satisfying."

"Sorry to disappoint you." She'd disagreed with the destruction of Hosnian, it had been too brutal as a first strike and would create as much sympathy for the Resistance as fear for the First Order. But to think so was weakness, Snoke would have called her soft and questioned her loyalty and so she'd kept that opinion to herself.

"Well no matter," Wedge waved his hand, all business again. "I'm sure we'll uncover enough of your crimes to warrant appropriate punishment."

"I don't think that would make Luke very happy," she countered with a smirk. "Persecuting his wife like that."

Wedge looked her up and down with a sad sort of expression not unlike regret. "His wife died a long time ago," he said softly. "He grieved her terribly, but he survived. He always survives."

Valara thought back to her words to Luke about survival and victory. "He won't survive me this time."

"But that's it isn't it?" Wedge stared her down. "You're not the woman he loved, you're just a shell made to look and talk like her, a First Order automaton with no independent thought or humanity left." He leaned forward, all simmering resentment, and she felt a chill go through her.

"I'm not here to try and reason with you or break whatever hold they have on you, because I know that's futile. You're a drone in a dead woman's skin, but that doesn't mean you can't be worked on."

He reached into the bag hanging on the back of his chair and withdrew a tall bottle of amber liquid - whiskey. Her mouth watered but Valara forced herself to remain utterly still and not reveal just how badly she'd been craving a drink ever since her capture.

"You contradict yourself Antilles," she said, forcing her voice to remain cool. "If I'm such a machine what makes you think that would be effective?"

"I'm sure that you have some base instincts left." He placed the whiskey bottle on the table together with two glasses and began to pour. "Perhaps all you have left, so I know this will work better than all the reason and logic in the galaxy."

The slosh of the amber liquid into the glass and the scent which filled her nostrils was like heaven. "A more palatable form of torture?" she suggested, closing her hand into a fist to stop herself reaching out for it.

"Not torture." He lightly pushed a glass across the table. "Persuasion."

"So what, one drink per First Order secret?" she asked, wanting to know the terms.

"No," Wedge shook his head, and gestured to the glass tempting her on the table. "My gift to you, Valara."

It was clever, really. She would balk if he withheld the drink and would only give it to her in exchange for information. But offering to her freely meant she might not have the willpower to refuse, or stop.

It was her duty not to partake, not to let herself be vulnerable to interrogation but every cell of her body was screaming out for the sweet relief of it. She had used alcohol for years to dull her headaches, to help her sleep and forget everything that caused her pain. She'd missed it desperately in her cell, a thirst that could never be quenched by the tepid water they gave her with meals.

"It's not poison," Wedge assured her, taking a sip from his own glass. Valara's resolve broke, her heart beating quickly and hand shaking as she grasped the glass. She inhaled the woody scent first, closing her eyes to savor it and then drowning the whiskey in one shot. Her taste buds burst and Valara couldn't remember when she'd felt so happy, a warmth blossoming underneath her skin. But it was fleeting, the relief quickly fading to leave her wanting more.

When Valara opened her eyes she was confronted with Wedge's smug expression, already holding out the whiskey to pour her another. She scowled but held out her glass, the damage had been done so why fight it? This time she savoured the drink, forcing herself to take small sips and prolong the gratification.

"What should we drink to?" she asked, raising her glass in a toast. "The fall of the Republic?"

Wedge lifted his own glass. "To each of us getting what we deserve."

"And what do you deserve, Antilles?" Valara asked as she finished her second glass, unable to keep herself to a sedate pace. " Great hero of the Rebellion, Admiral of the New Republic fleet, I suppose you want that legacy restored."

"Nothing so grand," he said, idly touching the rank insignia on his tunic. "Simply to leave a galaxy better than the one that was handed to me."

"Better, of course, being a relative term." She drowned another and held it out to be refilled. "You never liked me Antilles," she said, aware of the slur in her voice but past the point of caring. "But you sit there with such disdain, you should be happy your suspicion and distrust was proved right in the end. Or are you still jealous that even here in this small box, hating him, I'm still Luke's first priority."

Wedge rolled his eyes. "You always thought far too highly of yourself, Valara. That, together with general unpleasantness, is why you had no friends."

"I'm afraid pretending to like your rogues was beyond even my abilities," she said dryly.

Wedge gave a short, mocking laugh. "You made a poor spy in that regard."

Valara sought distraction again in her glass. "As much as I enjoy exchanging pleasantries," she said. "Why don't you go ahead and start your interrogation."

"Why, think you're drunk enough to tell me anything yet?"

It occurred to her that Wedge was taking risks with the session, first not insisting she be bound to the table and then plying her with alcohol. "There's no one behind that glass, is there?" Valara gestured to the two-way mirror with her drink. "I can't imagine this is Organa-sanctioned."

"No," Wedge confirmed. "It's the middle of the night, but your guard is right outside with a blaster if you try anything."

"Why would I do that?" Valara asked with false sweetness. "You brought me whiskey, you're my favourite person on this base. I'd say on this planet but no one will tell me where we are."

Wedge seemed amused. "And give you information that might help you escape? Not a chance." He poured her another drink, and she couldn't ignore that it was beginning to seriously affect her but was unwilling to stop. Wedge drunk at a far more moderate pace than she, studying her over the rim of his glass.

"I can't help you even if I wanted to," she said, taking a large gulp of whiskey . With any luck she would pass out before giving up any information. "I don't know the Supreme Leader's plans beyond taking Coruscant."

Wedge smirked. "He didn't trust you then?"

"Compartmentalisation," Valara told him, waving her glass in the air. "Everyone knows their role and nothing more."

"And your role?"

"Kill Luke Skywalker," she said, putting the glass back in the table with a satisfying clink. "I've made no secret of that."

"Seems like a risk," Wedge leaned back in his chair, considering her. "I would never send a soldier on a mission if there was a chance they could be compromised. No matter how well they washed out your brain, surely Snoke knew there was a danger that you would remember - he couldn't know that all of his hard work wouldn't fail as soon as you saw Luke." Wedge cocked his head, clearly deep in thought. "And even if you held firm, there was no guarantee that you would be able to kill him - you, a mere Inquisitor defeat the greatest Jedi duelist whose ever lived? It doesn't make sense…" He pierced her with a penetrating gaze. "Unless you're exactly where he wants you to be."

The alcohol was clouding her thoughts, and she couldn't follow him. "What do you mean?"

"I'm saying that perhaps your Supreme Leader didn't send you chasing after Luke with the expectation that you'd actually be able to kill him." Wedge spoke with clear disdain. "Maybe it was always his plan to have you sitting right here," he tapped his finger on the table, "like a viper in a vole's nest."

Valara blinked, unsettled by the accusation. "Why would he want that?"

"I don't know." Wedge studied her with narrowed eyes. "And it seems you don't either."

* * *

 

Valara tossed fitfully in her cot, unable to find sleep. Her mind was fogged with alcohol but usually that was what helped her drift off, wiping unpleasant memories from her mind and easing the ache in her head.

But this time was different, she'd been too deeply unsettled by her visit from Antilles and his suggestion that Snoke was using her for some unknown purpose. The rest of her interrogation was fuzzy, Valara didn't know how much more she'd drunk or what she'd told him, her usually firm resolve shattered by her need for the oblivion that came with the proffered whiskey.

Now her thoughts turned to Luke and she couldn't stop them, the buzz in her veins enticing memories rather than keeping them at bay. She almost felt Luke hot lips on her neck, the warmth of his breath as he whispered endearments in her ear, the lightness of his fingers tracing her skin. From the ice cold chambers of Hoth to the steamy jungles of Devaron, she was unable to stop the assault of images, sounds and feelings of their union, sometimes tender, sometimes intense, but always passionate and joyous.

Valara was hyper aware of her body, her heavy, aching breasts and the longing between her legs.  Memories soon turned to fantasies, she closed her eyes and imagined herself back in the interrogation room, her hands bound once again to the table.  Luke entered and waved his hand to dismantle the holorecorder in the top corner of the room - there was no one behind the glass either - another late night visit like Wedge’s had been, but one with an entirely different intent.    

“No audience tonight?” she asked, a thrill rushing through her body as she saw the dark intent in his eyes.  

Luke shook his head.  “We’re completely alone.”

Valara bit her lip, knowing it would drive him crazy.  “Come to tell me more pretty stories?”

“No,” Luke said firmly, resting on hand on the table and leaning in close to her.  “I’m done with persuasion, I’m going to  _ make _ you remember.”  He pressed his lips to hers before she could respond, hands clasping her face to draw her closer. Valara responded, allowing herself to be drawn to her feet and stopped only by her shackles reaching their limit. 

He pushed her back against the table and moved between her legs, one hand grasping her breast through her shirt.  Valara gasped and threw her head back, it had been so long since anyone had touched her she felt electrified even through her clothes.  Luke latched onto her neck, sucking on the skin hard as his hand squeezed her breast, forcing her nipple into a stiff peak.  His teeth grazed across her skin and Valara tried to reach for him, to pull him close but was stopped by her shackles.  She growled and Luke chuckled, his hand drifting down to unclasp her trousers and slip inside her underwear.

“You’re at my mercy I’m afraid,” he said, and kissed her again as his fingers found her clit.  Valara bucked her hips against him, seeking greater contact as he slowly began to rub between her legs.  

She bit his lip hard enough to draw blood, and he pulled away with a small cry. His hands grasped her hips, pulling her off the table and pressing her body against his. She could feel him hard against her, his darkened eyes boring into hers. 

“That wasn't very nice,” he said lowly, the tip of his tongue darting out to wipe the smear of red from his lower lip. 

“If you wanted nice,” she says, eyes fixed on his mouth. “You wouldn't have come here.”

He roughly spun her around so she was facing the two-way mirror, her hips pressed against the rim of the table. She was impeded from movement by his body behind her, and her shackled hands still bound to the table in front of her. 

His hand splayed across her belly and then ventured down between her legs to rub her again, more aggressively this time.   

“What are you going to do?” she asked him through panting breaths. “Fuck me into submission?”

“Do you have any objections?”  His fingers circled her clit and then pressed down hard, making her cry out.  

“Not to the fucking.”  

“Good.”  He pushed her trousers down over her hips and spread her legs, pushing two fingers inside of her.  Valara moaned and pressed her rear back into his erection, wanting more than just to be finger-fucked.  

He obliged her, unbuttoning his trousers and releasing his red, throbbing dick.  His fingers were still wet with her and he rubbed himself a few times, leaving it slick and glistening. Valara exhaled with impatience, wiggling her ass to get his attention.  It had the desired effect, Luke crouched down and bit her on one round cheek, the pain and the pleasure of it sending off sparks in her belly.  

“Luke,” she moaned as he kissed his way up her back.  “Please.”

He pressed his body against hers and then he was inside of her, stretching and filling her like he belonged there.  One hand grasped her hip tightly and the other found her clit again as he thrust into her, hard.  It felt so good, even better than she remembered, and Valara leaned forward so he could go deeper, her breasts brushing against her arms chained to the table.

She heard him panting, letting out small strangled cries as he rutted against her, both hands on her hips now for leverage.  The pressure built quickly in her core; it was hot and wet and animalistic, each thrust hard and fast and almost too much.  Valara called his name again, begging for more, so close to release…

...which did not come. She let her head fall back against the pillow, unsatisfied and angry.  One hand had been working furiously between her legs without success, she thrummed with need but could not find release. 

She couldn't get him out of her head, she'd never be rid of him, never be free of the danger that she could succumb to him.  Every time he visited her she felt her resolve weaken, every smile he gave her worked its way closer to her heart, every explanation began to make more sense, and her duty to the First Order seem less and less important.    

Valara knew she couldn't wait any longer, she'd been given a mission and the more time that passed the more she became vulnerable to failure.

She had to finish things, one way or the other. 

* * *

There was a loud knocking at his door, Luke cursed as he rolled out of bed, smoothing down his hair as he padded across the floor. The door slid open and he prepared to deliver a scolding to whoever had thought I was an appropriate hour to wake him, only to find Valara standing before him, leaning against the doorframe. Her hands were unbound and she wore a small smile that could almost be described as coquettish.

"What?" she asked, her voice slightly slurred. "You didn't think they could keep me in that cell did you?"

Luke stepped aside out of shock more than anything else. "I suppose not."

Valara was slightly unsteady on her feet and a waft of whiskey followed her into his quarters.

"You're drunk," Luke said with dismay. It had been years since he'd seen her like this, well before Rey was born. She'd always been unpredictable when intoxicated, and Luke feared what she'd done to escape her cell.

"You know, Red Five, you do have a penchant for stating the obvious." She turned around and withdrew a blaster from her belt.

"Come here to kill me?" he asked, unsurprised.

Valara nodded, perhaps not trusting her voice. But Luke wasn't afraid - not when she'd called him by that old endearment, and seeing the blaster shake slightly as a tremor went through her hand.

"Go on then," he said spreading his hands and offering himself to her. "If you really want to do badly, get it over with."

Valara advanced in him, adjusting her grip on the blaster and biting her lower lip. Her eyes flittered between his face and his heart, and as she approached Valara poked him lightly in the chest with the nozzle of the blaster.

"Defend yourself," she ordered.

"No."

He held her gaze and could see she was beginning to waver. Her breaths were quick and ragged and through the Force he could feel her turmoil, her feelings for him at war with the commands that had been drilled into her head. He felt the pain lacing through her temples and behind her eyes, and Luke tried to reach out to her through the Force, to reestablish the bond between them and take her pain as he had done so many times before. But she pushed back so violently that he stumbled back against the door, momentarily stunned.

He heard the clatter of the blaster fall to the floor and then felt her hands on either side of his face, roughly pulling him to her and kissing him with force. For a moment he was too shocked to do anything but quickly relaxed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Valara's waist and pulling her closer.

The embrace was not romantic, her lips bruising his as she claimed him but Luke didn't care. His wife was in his arms, alive and kissing him; the taste of her, the feel of her lips against his and the warmth of her body pressed against his, all exactly as he remembered it.

Valara began to kiss his neck, her lips moving over the healing marks across his throat and it was then that reason asserted itself.

"Valara," he said, his voice hoarse. "Stop."

She ignored him, one hand moving down his chest as she pressed her lips to his again. It would be so easy to just give into her, to let desire carry him away and not care about the consequences.

"No," he said, grasping her wrists and pushing her back to arms length. "V, this isn't right."

She looked so beautiful, lips swollen and parted, chest rising and falling with each staggered breath, eyes so deep he could fall into them. But he couldn't allow either of them to fall back into unhealthy patterns, no matter how much he wanted her.

Luke cupped her face in one hand and stepped closer. She tilted her face up towards him, inviting another kiss but he held firm. "Valara, I love you," he said softly, thumb tracing her cheek. "But I want it to be real, not because you're drunk and confused."

He expected argument, a vicious response but her lower lip trembled and he saw something break inside of her. Valara pressed her face against his chest and began to cry, clutching at the fabric of his shirt. Luke folded her into his embrace, stroking her hair and whispering soft endearments. He reached out again through the Force and this time she let him touch her mind, locating the source of her pain and alleviating it, if only for a moment.  She let out a small cry of relief, and it broke his heart to know the agony she endured every day.

"Valara," he said softly after she'd calmed down, although she remained in his arms. "You didn't hurt anyone coming here did you?"

She pulled away and sniffed, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. "Not really," she said. "A few people will wake up tomorrow with sore heads, but that's it."

"Good," Luke sighed with relief, he took it as a good sign. "Is that where you got that from?" He gestured to the blaster on the floor.

"My friend the night guard was most obliging." Valara smiled, and Luke decided to hold off on asking exactly how she'd escaped from her cell. It occurred to him that he had a brief window within which to reach her, there was the danger that after a sobering sleep she could retreat again. She wasn't cured, but it was an opportunity to help her see the truth, if she was open to it.

Luke reached for her hand, drawing it up to his chest. "I know you still don't believe anything I've told you." He wasn't foolish enough to think a crack in her armor brought on by physical desire was enough to completely break her brainwashing. "But I want to show you something, if you're ready to see it."

"Rey," she whispered the name, and tears formed in her eyes again. But then she looked up at him, her resolve evident. "Show me."

He led her through the silent hallways of the base, careful to avoid where he knew the night watchmen were on patrol. The medward wasn't far, Luke had asked for quarters nearby so he could keep an eye on Rey. Her condition hadn't changed since earlier that day when he'd sat with her, prone in the bed and hooked up to machinery that monitored her. Finn was asleep on a makeshift cot pushed up against one wall, insistent that someone should always be with Rey in case she woke up.

"Valara." He led her to Rey's bedside, squeezing her hand lightly. "This is your daughter."

He watched her closely, still slightly on guard in case some latent command asserted itself in her mind, but as Valara's eyes raked over Rey he knew that she would not hurt her. Valara's hand dropped from his and went to her mouth as small sobs escaped her.

"Rey." She sat down on the bed and with a trembling hand brushed a lock of hair from Rey's forehead. "What happened to her?"

"She was in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant," Luke explained. "She unlocked some kind of ancient energy, too much for her mind to process all at once."

"But I remember," Valara said with a hitch in her voice. "I _remember_ holding her in my arms, she was dead."

Luke didn't say anything, letting her draw the conclusion on her own. He just watched as Valara became a mother again, reconciling the vibrant young girl she'd known with the woman in the bed. He could feel the blossoming of her heart as love for her daughter began to overcome all of the hurt and sorrow of the past fifteen years.

" _Whisper away, through the stars above_ ," Valara began to sing, lightly stroking Rey's hair the way she used to do to calm her for sleep. " _With this last song, to dance upon the sea. Past the green mists, do not fear my love. All this…" her voice broke with emotion. "All this will bring you surely back to me_."

"Keep going," Luke urged her, his eyes on the monitors showing a jump in Rey's brain activity. "She can hear you."

Valara started the verse again, her voice stronger this time. From his cot against the wall Finn stirred, his eyes widening when he saw Valara but Luke held out a hand to stop him rushing over.

"It's okay," he told him, gesturing to the monitors. Finn threw off his blankets and crossed the room to Luke's side, shaking his head with disbelief. Rey's eyelids fluttered and she began to stir, the monitors beeping as Rey's readings grew stronger.  

Valara continued to sing, her voice sweet and clear and full of hope.  " _All this will bring you surely back to me_."

On those final words Rey's eyes opened and Luke felt his heart constrict. Beside him Finn let out a jubilant cry, but Rey's focus was all on Valara.

"Mum?" she asked in a voice hoarse from disuse. She struggled to sit up and Finn moved to help her but Luke held him back, giving him a look to indicate he should let them have a moment first.

"Rey." Joy shone in Valara as she grinned, cupping Rey's face in her shaking hands and then drawing her into a tight embrace. Luke felt relief flood him, feeling as if they'd taken a first massive step towards Valara's recovery. Beside him Finn was grinning too, and Luke clapped him on the shoulder to share his joy.

But it was short-lived, a sudden and unexpected sense of danger flashing through him. Valara gasped, fists clenching around the material of Rey's tunic as her face contorted in pain.

"Mum?" Rey asked, pulling back. "What's wrong?"

Valara held her head in her hands and started to scream, an evil, blood-curdling sound that should be relegated to nightmares. Finn immediately swooped in to protect Rey, holding her back when she tried to reach out for her mother who began to convulse and fell to the ground, still clutching her head and wailing in agony.

"What's wrong?" Rey cried out through tears as Luke knelt on the floor and tried to pull Valara into his arms. It was almost like she as having a seizure, and he tried to reach out to her through the Force. All he felt was pain, so much that he recoiled in horror.

"Valara," he called out to her in vain, grabbing a pillow and trying to cushion her head as she convulsed. "Get a medic," he growled at Finn, who nodded and ran to obey.

"Dad, what's wrong?" Rey asked again, distraught. "Did I do this to her?"

"No," Luke assured her, but despair and helplessness began to cling to him. Finn ran back into the room with Doctor Kalonia on his heels - she must have been automatically notified Rey had woken up and already on her way.

"I think it's some kind of trigger," Luke said, ceding his position to Kalonia who measured out a sedative into a syringe. "A failsafe in case she remembered."

"Let's just get her stable," Kalonia told him in her no-nonsense voice, injecting the sedative into Valara's thigh. The shaking soon began to slow and finally stopped, leaving Valara still and unconscious on the floor.

"Help me get her to a bed," Kalonia tapped Luke's shoulder. He moved as if through molasses, gathering Valara into his arms as he felt his heart break all over again. Rey was sobbing into Finn's shoulder as he held her tightly, and Luke once again felt like a failure to his daughter, unable to keep her from sorrow.

He lay Valara down on the bed Kalonia indicated, lingering for a moment to press a kiss to her forehead and silently vow that he would not give up. 


	44. Chapter 44

_War room, Resistance base, Chandrila_

Leia examined the star chart lit up before her, watching various systems turn red as she inputted the most recent information they'd received about the First Order's movements. Coruscant of course, as well as Kuat, Ganthel, and - though it broke her heart - Corellia. The Core Worlds were falling easily, either because they at heart longed for a return of the Empire, or didn't believe that Starkiller Base had truly been destroyed and so succumbed to fear.

The Resistance was spread too thin, and although Poe had been able to establish an underground movement on Coruscant they simply didn't have the manpower to do so on other worlds. Leia looked at the small blue dot in the core of red - Chandrila which had become their refuge, although they were confined underground with what was left of their fleet hiding behind the moon.

President Glankinson had been a close personal friend of Leia's since the time of the Rebellion, and cousin to Mon Mothma. Her government was committed to remaining firm in opposition to the First Order at least as far as Chandrila was concerned, although pragmatism had demanded that they would not interfere or contest their expansion to other worlds. Glankinson had related her cabinet's meeting with a First Order ambassador with disgust, and Leia had been sympathetic - it was the same game her mother and father had played for years, the mask she herself had worn during her time in the Senate. At least, Glankinson had assured her, the First Order had no suspicions of the Resistance base beneath Hanna City - after all, it would be foolish to remain in the Core when the First Order had re-taken Coruscant.

Foolish, Leia smiled to herself, was another word for brave.

The door slid open and Leia looked up and through the star chart to see U.O Statura and Wedge Antilles join her around the circular display.

"Admirals," she nodded in greeting. "Thank you for joining me, although I won't waste time on pleasantries. I've received word from a contact on Corellia - I'm sorry, Wedge."

The skin tightened around Wedge's mouth but gave no other sign of mourning for the fall of his homeworld. It wasn't unexpected, Corellia was a valuable planet to hold and no doubt the First Order had expended vast effort on securing it. While there was a genuine anti-authoritarian streak among the populace the government was rife with corruption and there was a significant upper class of Imperial sympathisers. For a moment Leia's mind drifted to Ransolm Casterfo whose young heart had been drawn to the perceived order and justice of the Empire's firm hand, and Lady Carise Sindian for whom title and privilege was paramount. The moderate former had been crushed by the latter's zealous ambition, and Leia had no doubt that Lady Carise was now at the heart of the First Order's court on Coruscant where she likely always felt she belonged.

"Kuat, Corellia," Statura spoke up, his keen eyes flittering over the star chart. "They're building ships."

"Well they can't trade on the threat of Starkiller forever," Leia pointed out. "Then they'll need a large fleet if they want to keep the Core."

"They have less than a dozen star destroyers, and only two super star destroyers," Wedge said. "Barely enough to hold even one system if it raised up in open rebellion against them."

Statrura's forehead creased as he looked at Wedge. "Do we have another source inside the First Order?"

"No," Wedge glanced at Leia and then looked away quickly. "I got the information from our special prisoner."

"She told you that?" Statura asked with raised eyebrows. Leia had shared some of the interrogation footage with him as one of her trusted advisors, but none had yielded anything so far.

"Sure she did," Leia said, "after Admiral Genius over here got her all liquored up." That received strange looks from both men, and she pursed her lips and looked down. She'd found that in the past weeks she'd unconsciously been saying what Han would have in any given situation, even channeling his distinctive drawl. She cleared her throat and lifted her gaze again to see Wedge looking appropriately guilty.

"You, uh, saw the footage then?" Wedge asked. "I know it was unauthorised, Leia, but look how successful I was."

"Yes, so successful she broke out of her cell, stole a blaster and ended up in Luke's room ready to kill him."

Wedge's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. "What?"

"It's almost impossible to keep a Force sensitive confined," Leia said wryly. "Her lowered inhibitions which were so helpful to your interrogation also gave her the courage to try and complete her mission. She didn't succeed of course," she added quickly, although no doubt Wedge had deduced as much since she hadn't dismembered him the moment he'd walked in the door. "But things remain...volatile."

"Are you sure her information was accurate?" Statura asked Wedge, as always sensing when Leia wanted the subject changed. "What if she was telling you exactly what you wanted to hear, to lead us into a trap? We can't take another defeat."

"We can't sit here and wait for victory, either," Wedge argued. "If we challenge them on Coruscant, with the full fleet behind us and a ground insurgency there is a chance of victory."

"How much of a chance, though?" Statura pressed. "I of course defer to your greater military experience, Admiral, but I would like to procure more ships before we launch that kind of offensive."

"Statura's right." Leia waved her hand and the star map honed in on the Corellian system. "And I know where to get them."

* * *

_Medward_

Rey squirmed as Doctor Kalonia examined her with some kind of sensor; it emitted a bright light and a high-pitched hum which made her instinctively recoil.

"Hold still please Rey," Kalonia said in her soft but authoritative voice. "This will only take a moment."

"I'm fine," Rey insisted but tried to do as she was asked.

"Be grateful she's not dragging you to the bacta tank," Finn spoke up, hovering behind Kalonia and touching the back of his neck.

"Don't test me," Kalonia said, but gave Rey a sly wink and then shut off the sensor. "As far as I can tell you're in perfect health, but I want to keep you here under observation for a few days."

"No," Rey said, looking over Kalonia's other shoulder to where Luke was leaning against the wall with his arms folded. "I want to see my mother."

"Rey…"

"Is she okay?" Rey addressed Kalonia, who looked supremely uncomfortable.

"She's awake," Kalonia told her. "And being held in a secure ward."

"Why?" Rey questioned, looking to Luke again for support but he avoided her gaze. "She remembered, she's not a danger to us anymore."

Luke sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm afraid that's not true, Rey. When she woke up from the sedative the pain was gone but she'd reverted back to loyal First Order agent. It was if she'd been reconditioned all over again."

"That may not be far from the truth," Kalonia said grimly, crossing the room to turn on a holoscreen with brain scans. "I think the eye implants which gave Valara her sight back are also a means of control. As you suspected Luke, if her true memories are starting to resurface, the implants send out pain signals." She gestured the the silver lines flashing through Valara's scans. "When she saw you Rey, it caused a fragmenting of her own mind, warring between the false memories and the truth before her, and there was an overload which caused a seizure."

Rey looked down at her hands. Her mother's lullaby had brought her back and there had been a fleeting moment when she had believed everything was going to be okay, when she felt safe and warm and protected. Like everything else good in her life, it had not lasted.

"What's curious is that while unconscious the memory centre of her brain was not only active but actively working," Kalonia continued. "As if her memories were being overwritten while she slept."

"So what does that mean?" Rey asked.

Kalonia gave her a sympathetic look. "It means that the brainwashing is far worse than we feared. It's no longer just a case of getting her to remember, it's overcoming this failsafe."

"Can we remove the implants?" Luke asked.

"Not safely," Kalonia shook her head. "From the scans it appears that any tampering with the implants will trigger brain death. I need to do some more research, see if I can contact some experts. Sadly the leading scientists in this fields were on Hosnian Prime, but I've asked some Chandrilian medical experts to be given security clearance and consulted."

Rey's lip trembled and she bit down on it to stop tears from falling. It all sounded hopeless, she'd found her mother only to have her cruelly ripped away one again. _I'll come back for you_ , Valara had said as she'd been dragged away, but neither of them could have known in what state. Would she have made the same choice, knowing what awaited them both?

"Thank you Doctor." Luke crossed the room and shook her hand, his face grave. Knowing she'd been dismissed, Kalonia gave Rey a small smile and then left the room. Finn clearly had no intention of leaving, although he reminded standing while Luke sat next to Rey on the bed and drew her into an embrace

Rey blinked rapidly to hold back her tears but pressed her cheek into the comfort of her father's shoulder. "I still want to see her."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Rey," Luke said lightly. "She's very volatile at the moment, threw a chair at me when I tried to talk to her."

"At least you know her real memories are still there," Finn pointed out.

"That's right," Luke added, pulling back to arms length and valiantly trying to sound upbeat. "We know how to unlock them, we just need to figure out how to break the Snoke's control over her."

"Snoke." Rey shivered, the rook suddenly cold. "I saw him in my dreams."

"Were they dreams?" Luke asked. "Or memories?"

She'd told them both briefly about what had happened in the Jedi Temple, how Nellith's spirit had led her to the secret room and she'd returned the Force tree to its proper place.

"Nellith's memories," Rey said. At first they had been overwhelming but she'd quickly learned how to sift through to find what she wanted and differentiate them from one another. "She was the First Jedi, and Snoke her greatest enemy. They battled each other but she could not destroy him, not completely. She was able to contain him on Jakku, trapped in a Force-bound prison when the planet was still green. But I don't know how he escaped."

"Palpatine," Luke said, a muscle in his cheek twitching. "The Empire excavated Jakku. Maybe they were protecting more than a research facility when they made their last stand there."

"So I was left on the planet where Snoke was released?" Rey furrowed her brow, trying to wrap her mind around it. "Was that just a coincidence?"

"No." Luke took her hand. "There's a convergence in the Force around you, Rey."

"But why me?" Rey looked to Finn but he seemed just as confused as she was. "You're Nellith's descendant too, and you're a Jedi Master. Why didn't she show all of this to you?"

"The tree," Luke said softly, almost to himself. He looked uncomfortable, rising to his feet and pacing the room. "Do you remember the Force tree on Devaron?"

"In the Temple," Rey nodded. She used to love going up to the top of the tower and sit under the tree, to climb its branches, to watch the sunset over the forest..

Luke nodded, running a hand over his beard. "Well what I didn't tell you was that, uh, you were...conceived under that tree."

Rey's mouth dropped open and Finn tried unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh. He turned it into a cough and made a clear effort to look serious.

"You're strong in the Force Rey," Luke added quickly. "Because both your mother and I are, but you have a deep connection to it unlike anyone I've ever seen. That Nellith appeared to you, gave you this gift proves it."

"But what does it mean?" Rey rubbed her forehead and looked to her father for answers, but it was Finn who spoke up tentatively.

"Master Skywalker, you said all of the Force trees were connected right?" he asked, stepping forward with hands on his hips. "And that the old Jedi used to use them to communicate with one another."

"That's right," Luke nodded, a smile spreading across his face. "I think I see where you're going."

"But there's no one on Coruscant to communicate with," Rey argued. "Snoke and Kylo Ren have taken over the Temple...oh."

"Yep," Finn nodded. "We have a spy in their midst they'll never suspect."

He was right, Chewbacca had said the entrance to the secret garden had disappeared so it was likely it would only open for her. "What would I be able to see though?" she questioned. "The tree is hidden, it's not like it's right there peeking over Snoke's shoulder."

"But its roots are deep," Luke said, touching her shoulder lightly. "And when you see through the Force there is no wall that can block your way."

"So what do we do?" Rey asked.

"We continue your training," Luke said, and then smiled at Finn. "Both of you."

"What?" Rey grinned while Finn looked sheepish. "You have the Force too?"

Finn shrugged but couldn't keep the smile off his face. "Apparently."

"No, of course, that makes complete sense!" Rey held out her hand and he came to sit on the other side of her. "Now we can gang up on my Dad, it will be two against one."

"Hey hey hey," Luke held up a hand, but he was still smiling. "That's not how it works."

There was a knock at the door and a man strode in without waiting for an answer. Finn stood up and to attention immediately, but Luke casually rose to his feet to embrace the visitor.

"Wedge," he greeted him, while Finn said, "Admiral Antilles."

Wedge looked somewhat relieved as he was released from Luke's embrace, as if he had not been expecting such a warm welcome.

"Hello," Rey said somewhat warily. The name sounded familiar but she couldn't quite place the face.

"Rey," he gave her a warm smile. "It's good to see you awake. I don't suppose you remember your Uncle Wedge?" he said with a disarming charm. "I'm a bit greyer, I admit," he added, tugging lightly on his hair.

She searched her memory and sure enough located a vague impression of him buried within her mind. "You're an X-Wing pilot," she said slowly. "Like Dad."

"I was flying X-Wings when your father was still shooting desert rats and eating sand." Wedge nudged Luke playfully with his elbow.

"Did you fly with my mother?" Rey asked. "She was a pilot too."

Wedge's smile became forced. "Yes I did," he said, but then visibly relaxed and gave Rey a wink. "She was _almost_ as good as me. But as much as I'd like to tell you all about it, I'm afraid I need to speak with your father."

"You should get some rest anyway," Luke told her, reaching over to kiss her forehead. "At least pretend to indulge me."

"Alright Dad," Rey rolled her eyes playfully, but pulled Finn down to sit beside her again as Luke and Wedge left the room.

* * *

"I suppose I should get the apology out of the way first," Wedge said as he and Luke stood in the observation room outside the medward. "I am sorry Luke, if I'd known Valara would find a way to escape.."

Luke held up his hand. "Don't worry about it Wedge," he told him. "I'm intact, and it did bring everything to a head." He explained briefly what Kalonia had said about Valara's condition and the full extent of her conditioning.

Wedge swore. "And we thought the Imps were bastards."

"Rey's taking it hard," Luke said, looking through the glass into the medward where Finn and Rey were talking, heads bowed together and holding hands. "But she hides it well."

"So do you," Wedge observed. "And I wish I could help, but I've actually come to ask a favor."

"Oh?" Luke was intrigued but suspicious. "I told Leia that it's most important for me to train Rey right now - Finn too."

"We don't exactly have a lot of time Luke," Wedge said, his voice brittle. "It took you four years to become a Jedi, but you fought for the Rebellion too."

"I know." Luke stroked his beard; he certainly had the desire to get back into the fray but had learned to temper his recklessness slightly over the years. "But she's my daughter, Wedge. And with Valara…"

"I appreciate what you're going through Luke." Wedge folded his arms and looked down at the floor. "But the Republic is gone, the Resistance is hanging on by a thread and I have to think about the lives of everyone now."

"You're right," Luke conceded. "I guess we just disagree on how to go about it. I've been trying to contact the Jedi in hiding and have had some success - the First Order fears our return more than anything."

"But how much longer can we wait?" Wedge pressed. "Corellia's fallen to the First Order while we're waiting for them to get here. We need a show of force now," he smiled. "Pun intended."

Luke's heart ached to think of Han's homeworld in the hands of Snoke; that Ben would claim his father's planet for the First Order as a final victory over him. "What exactly are you asking, Wedge?"

"We're going to take Corellia back," he said, chin lifted and jaw set. "And I want you to come with us. The people need to _see_ you, Luke, it will give them courage. You've been away too long, and I know you had your reasons but it's time to step back into the light."

Luke smiled self-consciously. "I think most people have forgotten about me."

"That's not true," Wedge insisted. "Look, you know I never really understood the Jedi thing but since you've been gone even I've noticed the difference, the galaxy is a different place without the Jedi. We need our hope back."

Luke glanced back at Rey in the medbay, she still needed him and he couldn't abandon her so soon after finding each other again. All his effort should be on her and Valara, making sure they were able to piece back together the family that had been so cruelly torn apart. But what good would that be if he let the galaxy burn around them, if he forgot about all of the other families which had been splintered by war and domination?

"Alright Wedge," he said, clapping his friend on the arm. "Looks like we're going to fly together again."

"Rogue Squadron reunited," Wedge grinned. "Except this time I outrank you, Boss."

Luke threw his head back and laughed. "Whatever you want to believe, Wedge."


	45. Chapter 45

_Resistance_ _Base, Chandrila_

"Rey, this is a bad idea." Finn trailed after her down the hallways of the Resistance base, chasing her determined strides with reluctance.

"I know," Rey acknowledged but didn't stop or turn around. "I don't care."

"Rey," Finn called again, grasping her arm. She halted and turned to face him with a huff. "You promised your father," he added, a last ditch effort.

To his surprise, Rey smiled. "No, I didn't."

Luke had left that morning with the combined forces of the New Republic and Resistance fleets. Somewhat of a paltry force, but there had been a sense of hope and anticipation in the war room when the battle plans had been announced. Rey had desperately wanted to go but Kalonia refused to give her medical clearance, and while Admiral Antilles had offered Finn a spot with the ground assault team he'd elected to stay. It had been Leia who had made the official decision, claiming that as her special advisor she needed Finn to remain with her. Somehow, she'd just known that he didn't want to leave Rey.

"I was there," Finn argued. "Luke asked you not to go see her until he got back, and you said…" Rey's smile widened as it dawned on him exactly what she had said, or rather, had not said.

"And I said _well hurry back then_." Rey turned on one heel and continued down the corridor. "I didn't promise, and I didn't lie."

"It still wasn't honest." Finn set off after her again.

"When did you become so concerned with honesty?" she shot over her shoulder, and Finn stopped dead. Rey's shoulders visibly tensed as she halted too, and when she turned around her expression was sheepish.

"I'm sorry," she said, looking down at the floor and scuffing the bottom of her boot against it. "I'm not used to having a friend you know, I'm used to doing things my own way and biting back if anyone tries to challenge me."

"It's alright," he said, knowing she hadn't meant anything by the comment.

"No, it's not," Ren insisted, taking a step towards him but kept her eyes on the floor. "You lied because you feared for your life. I don't know if I'd been in your shoes whether I would have had the courage to leave."

"I do," Finn assured her. "You're the bravest person I know, Rey."

"So is it brave, going to see her behind Dad's back?" he asked with a wry sort of smile. "Or cowardly?"

He didn't have an answer for her, but reached out to rub her upper arm in reassurance.

"I just…" She looked up again, her hazel eyes bright. "She's my mother. If you found your parents, wouldn't you want to see them even if you knew it was a bad idea? Even if they worked for the First Order?"

Finn tried not to think about his parents, he knew he'd never know them, never find them like Rey had found hers. Fantasies that they would return to claim him had been left where they belonged in his childhood. And yet...

"Yes," he admitted.

"So, will you come with me?" she asked, all of her previous bravado stripped away and Finn realised that she was terrified about what she would face.

"Of course," he said, taking her hand as they walked down the hallway together. Valara was being held in the secure medbay halfway across the base, as far removed from the populace as possible. There were three guard checkpoints to go through, the Resistance was taking no chances that she would escape again. But they let through Finn and Rey easily enough once they'd given that day's password, apparently Luke hadn't bothered to tell them not to allow his daughter entry. It seemed he'd trusted that Rey would heed his plea to wait until his return, or perhaps he'd known Rey's impatience would get her into that cell no matter what.

And a cell it was, regardless of the cot against one wall and the machines and monitors which mirrored those in the main medbay, tracking Valara's brain activity. It was small, once they both entered there wasn't much room left, so Finn pressed his back against the wall and folded his arms over his chest, allowing Rey to step into the centre of the room. Valara herself was sitting cross-legged on the cot, her face impassive as ever but looking decidedly disheveled, her loose hair messy and knotted around her shoulders and deep, dark rims under her eyes. Her skin, while naturally pale, was decidedly white, and with her sunken cheeks and empty stare she almost had the appearance of a ghost. Kalonia told him they'd given her sedatives for the pain, but Valara seemed almost catatonic - to say that she looked like death warmed up would be a compliment.

"Mum?" Rey asked tentatively. "It's me, Rey."

"Rey." Valara's voice was hoarse devoid of emotion, and she continued to stare blankly. "They told me you were here."

"So you remember me?" Rey took a tiny step forward, slightly emboldened.

"Of course," Valara said dully, her gaze flittering over to Finn and bypassing Rey entirely. "And you brought the traitor along, how nice."

It was quite a change from that last time he'd met with her in the interrogation cell, when she'd never failed to call him by his name, and certainly different from when she'd sung Rey the lullaby and embraced her tightly after waking. Both Kalonia and Luke had warned them, of course, but that didn't make it any less unnerving.

"He's my friend," Rey said, a slight waver in her voice. "And his name is Finn."

Valara waved her hand dismissively. "I don't see why I should care."

"He's the one who found me," Rey insisted. "On Jakku - you remember Jakku?"

Valara blinked and her forehead creased slightly. "Yes, I thought you died," she gestured to Rey. "But here you are."

"They made you think I died," Rey corrected her. "They lied to you, put false memories in your mind, stole all these years from your life. But it's okay now, Mum, because we're together again. I know they've still got control over you," she added, voice thick with emotion. "I know it's causing you pain, I know you don't want to face the truth because that's the way they've made you, but I know you're strong enough to overcome what they did to you. If you try, if you really try I believe you can do it...so we can be a family again."

Valara seemed unmoved by her daughter's passionate plea. "You have your father's idealism," she said coldly, "and ignorance. Where is he, anyway? I can't imagine he'd want you to come see me."

"Right outside," Finn spoke up. "Watching to make sure you don't try anything."

"No he's not," Vaara said immediately, narrowing her eyes at Finn. He felt scrutinised, and knew he'd made a terrible mistake. "I can't sense him. Why would you lie about that FN-2187?"

"It's Finn," he reminded her, a hard edge to his voice.

"So he's left you here," Valara 's gaze flicked back to Rey. "He must have a good reason for doing so...a mission, perhaps? One important enough to warrant a Jedi Master. Who else has gone - the fleet? Exactly how unprotected have they left you?"

"We're not telling you anything," Finn said harshly "And don't think about trying to escape, you can't."

"Why would I need to escape?" Valara examined her fingernails. "When I can just sit here and wait until the Resistance falls."

"You'd be waiting a while," Rey said, a hitch in her voice. "We're so far underground they'd never find you."

"Oh?" Valara cocked her head slightly, clearly filing away the information and Finn was starting to regret coming to see her.

"But I wouldn't worry," Rey continued, strength back in her voice. "We're going to win, because we're stronger. Even if we're outnumbered, if we're on the run, if we're driven into hiding, it doesn't matter. Everyone is with us because they want to be, because they believe in the cause, not because they've been raised from birth to hate and kill, forced into a life they never would have chosen for themselves. We'll survive because we'll always resist, and those under the First Order control will break away like Finn did...like you can do too."

Valara smiled, showing her teeth. "What a pretty speech," she said. "Fearless, defiant...maybe you're a little like me after all. You know Rey, the past few days I've been thinking what a waste that you grew up on Jakku," she added, a touch of warmth in her voice. "If I'd been able to take you to the First Order like I planned, what a soldier you'd be by now, disciplined, capable, deadly. But maybe it wasn't entirely a loss, growing up in the heat and sand, scrounging and fighting to get through every day." She gazed up at Rey with something like pride. "Look how strong it made you."

Finn shifted against the wall, trying to judge Rey's reaction but his friend was stone-faced. She crossed her arms over her chest and the two women stared at each other for a few moments, almost like mirror images. How would Rey have turned out, he wondered, if she'd been indoctrinated into the First Order like her mother. Would she have the same cool affect, the derision for others, steeped in the dark side and her abilities twisted and defiled. Or would they have become friends anyway, turned against the darkness and fled together, seeking a better life?

"You could let me out of here," Valara spoke up again. "We could leave, return to the First Order, take out Kylo Ren and take over. I can sense how much you hate him, how much you both hate him," her eyes flittered to Finn again and she shifted with discomfort. "I know you have doubts about being a Jedi, who can blame you? Such a boring life, denying yourself every whim and pleasure for the sake of being _good_."

"I'll never join them," Rey said defiantly. "Never turn to the dark side."

Valara sighed and shrugged. "Well then I don't think we have much else to talk about."

"I'm your daughter," Rey said, her defiance gone, her voice raw. "Doesn't that mean anything?"

"The ties of blood mean little." Valara looked away. "You're old enough to make your own choices, but if you stay you're of no value to me."

"I don't believe you," Rey said, but her voice shook. "Because when I woke up, the way you looked at me, the way you held me...you saw the truth then, it's just too painful for you to admit."

"You mistook surprise for relief." Valara gave her daughter a look so cold it made Finn shiver. "The truth is Rey, you were a mistake. The living embodiment of all my failure and weakness. You stand there and all I feel is regret that I was drawn so far from my duty, that I forgot my true self so utterly that I ever believed I was capable of love."

Rey stepped back as if struck, and Finn stepped forward and put a hand on her shoulder. "We should go," he urged softly, he didn't know how much longer he could stand idly by and see her hurt so deeply.

"No," she shook her head, reaching into her pocket and withdrawing something enclosed with a fist. "I came here to give you this, Mum." She held out her hand but Valara simply stared up at her and did not more. Rey waited for a few more moments, then moved forward and set a small green stone down on the cot beside where Valara was sitting.

"Kalonia's going to bring some other doctors to see you," Rey said as she stepped back. "They're experts from Hanna University-"

"Rey," Finn cut her off but Valara had already picked on the slip, her eyes flashing.

"Hanna University?" she repeated. "So we're on Chandrila."

"It doesn't matter where we are," Rey said quickly. "They're going to help fix those implants in your head, but they're not going to be able to if you don't try. So please Mum, please remember when Dad gave you that stone, remember that you kept it for years because it meant something to you. I know you're capable of love, because _I_ remember it, I felt it. You loved us, me and Dad, you loved us so much that they couldn't take those memories from you no matter how hard they tried." Rey's voice quivered, and she drew in a shuddering breath. "I believe there's a part of you, deep down, under all the pain and hate and sorrow, that knows this. So please try, if not for me or Dad, then for yourself - so you'll know once and for all who you are."

Rey left the room with her head held high although Finn could tell from the speed in her step and the tensing of her shoulders that she was barely holding it together and didn't want to break down in front of her mother. He took a moment to look back at Valara who seemed as impassive as ever, utterly still and staring blankly at the wall.

Finn let out a small sound of disgust and then followed Rey. She'd fled quickly through the halls of the base and he caught up with her in the converted gym which they had been using for Jedi training. Rey seemed to be trying to calm herself down with a Form V kata but was clearly unsuccessful - tears were streaming down her face and her movements were jerky rather than the smooth grace she always exhibited during practice.

Finn waited, hands in his pockets as she tried to complete the movement, knowing that she would pull away if he tried to reach for her. His patience won out, she was halfway through the fifth sequence when she gave up and closed the distance between them, ducking her head and pressing her face into the fabric of his jacket as she broke down and sobbed. He put his arms around her, knowing that platitudes would be useless and so he gave none and simply held her until she calmed.

"Do you think," Rey asked, cheek still pressed against his shoulder, "that Snoke might have brainwashed my cousin too?"

"I don't know," Finn said, although he couldn't discount the possibility. "I always thought reconditioning wasn't something they did to officers, but if they could twist your mother's mind so thoroughly…"

"But he had a choice," Rey countered, lifting her head but keeping her arms locked around Finn's neck, and there was fire in her eyes to replace the sorrow. "My mother was taken, he went to them willingly. It's still all his fault that this happened."

"Snoke's fault," Finn reminded her. "He was the architect behind all of this."

Rey nodded, although he could sense that her anger was still directed at her cousin and he didn't blame her for that. "We need to know what they're up to," she said, extracting herself from his embrace and crouching to sit cross-legged on the floor. Finn joined her and took her outstretched hands - they'd only ever done this with Luke before but he didn't doubt her abilities.

Closing his eyes, Finn reached out to the Force as he'd been taught, joining himself with Rey's presence which was a beacon of light. His own seemed meagre in comparison but Luke had told him that was natural since he'd only just become aware of the Force inside him and how to access it. He was a natural empath, Luke had told him, like Leia, his abilities based in a strength of mind and will that were different but no less important than the raw power Rey exhibited.

Through Rey, he felt the Force tree on Coruscant she was connected to but it was on the periphery, his Force strength helping her to reach across the divide. Finn couldn't see what Rey did but all the same it was exhilarating to tap into the vast energy he now knew made up the universe. In the Force, he didn't feel alone.

"I can see them," Rey whispered, breath caught in her throat. "Snoke and Kylo Ren, they're in the Temple but I can't...I can't hear what they're saying."

Finn concentrated, trying to amplify Rey's power with his own, help give her clarity about what she was seeing. It was difficult, he'd only had the briefest of training with Luke before Rey had woken up and they'd only been able to reach out to the Force tree once before he'd left on the mission to Corellia. Without Luke's immense reserve of Force strength it was difficult to achieve on their own.

"They're happy," Rey continued, and Finn could feel her strain, her hands tightening on his. "I don't know what about, but they're so pleased, like they've won some great victory." She gasped, and Finn opened his eyes to see her panic-stricken face.

"Dad."

* * *

_Corellia_

The battle ranged in the sky above him and Luke longed to be back up there in his X-Wing trying to take down the third Star Destroyer. But Wedge had ordered him to assist with the ground assault and he understood why - the space battle could turn in an instant and he was hardly the only capable pilot. But the ground troops were flagging, particularly the locals who had been rallied into a resistance force.

The central plaza of Coronet City was a battlefield and in the distance hundreds stormtroopers marched towards what remained of the Corellians. Luke approached with a squadron of Resistance troops at his back.

"Stand firm," he told them. "We're here to help."

Their leader stepped forward, wiping sweat from his forehead. "We haven't half the force we hoped for, and can't hold out much longer."

Luke looked grimly at the approaching stormtroopers - knowing that they had been raised from birth to fight and some likely had been reconditioned into drones tore at his conscience. The weighing of some lives against others had been something he had not missed on the island, but he was back in the fight now and did not have the luxury of pacifism. The best he could do was try to disable rather than kill.

"Stay back," he ordered the Resistance sergeant and ignited his lightsaber. Gasps went through the Corellian fighters, whispers of _a Jedi_ and murmured conversations of mixed scepticism and wonder.

"Not just any Jedi," he heard the sergeant say behind him as he began to walk towards the oncoming force. "That's Luke Skywalker."

He heard his name run through the crowd behind him but he kept his eyes firm on the advancing stormtroopers - Wedge wanted a show of force, he hoped this was enough.

* * *

_War Room, Resistance Base, Chandrila_

Leia listened gratefully to Wedge's report of victory from Corellia. Apparently the story of Luke Skywalker's return had spread quickly through the city, tales of how he'd led the attack which had devastated a Star Destroyer, and then in the ground assault had taken down five hundred stormtroopers single-handedly His brave action rallied the Corellian forces and more flocked to join them until half the city was raised in rebellion. And yet that was not the end of it - one by one more Jedi appeared as if by miracle in various parts of the city, lightsabers lit to lead forces through the dark streets. They had answered the call to come out of hiding and had done so in the grandest way possible, exactly when they had needed them the most.

They had won the day, any remaining First Order forces retreating back to Coruscant but without the Star Destroyers they'd used to subdue the planet. One had been destroyed and was beyond salvageable, but the others were spoils of war the Resistance was happy to claim.

"And the Corellian government?" Leia asked the holoprojection of Wedge which rose up from the war console.

"They've agreed to join the Resistance," Wedge confirmed. "Promised us ships and support although I suspect there remain First Order sympathisers. But the people are with us, Leia, like I told you they would be."

"I'm glad," Leia nodded. "And relieved." She glanced over at Rey and Finn who were listening intently. Rey's knuckles were white as she gripped the rim of the console, and Leia knew she wouldn't be completely relaxed until she heard or saw her father. She was the very picture of Leia herself decades earlier on Yavin, waiting for news about the assault on the Death Star.

"Your gamble paid off, Admiral," Leia continued. "My congratulations, this is an important victory."

"As I expected Luke turned out to be our trump card," Wedge said, holographic gaze flickering over to Rey as if to assure her that her father's absence had been necessary. "He turned the tide of the battle, and I'm sure even now the stories are spreading through the Core about the return of the Jedi."

"Where _is_ Luke?" Leia asked. "Shaking hands and blessing babies?"

Wedge smirked. "Something like that - he and the other Jedi are making themselves visible."

"But he's okay?" Rey asked. "He's not hurt at all?"

"Of course," Wedge grinned. "Don't worry, Rey, I'm sending him back to you."

Rey visibly relaxed although didn't seem completely at ease, so Leia kept the rest of the conversation short. Once she'd shut off the holo she took Rey into her arms and gave the girl a comforting hug.

"You see," he soothed her, running her back lightly. "Everything's alright."

"But then why were Snoke and...why were they so happy?" Rey asked as she pulled back.

"The battle was going well for them at the time," Finn spoke up. "Maybe Snoke was just overconfident."

"No," Rey shook her head. "It was something bigger than that, I'm sure of it."

"I'll contact Poe on Coruscant," Leia tucked a loose strand of hair behind Rey's ear. "Maybe he's heard something."

Rey exhaled harshly as she pulled away. "But isn't this power meant to help to find out what the resistance on the planet can't? What's the point of it otherwise?"

"Rey." Leia clamped down on a smile. "I know it's difficult for you not to excel at something right away, and I can understand how hard patience can be to master. But we're a team here, there's no sole victor and everyone plays their part. You saw that just now on Corellia, Luke may have served as a focal point but he would not have succeeded alone, and likewise the burden cannot and will not fall just to you."

Rey folded her arms and scuffed one foot against the floor as if she was kicking sand - a defensive habit Leia had noticed. "I just feel like I was given this gift and I'm failing at using it properly."

"Luke would say that failure is the only way to learn," Leia said, clasping her hands in front of her in a mimic of her brother's posture.

"And what would you say, Aunt Leia?" Rey looked up, as vulnerable as Leia had ever seen her. She wasn't ignorant of her and Finn's recent visit to Valara, in fact had expected it, although Leia knew it had struck something deep inside Rey, an insecurity that needed to be overcome.

"I would say that you should trust your own instincts above everything else, because they rarely steer you wrong," Leia advised her. "But that there is no shame in seeking the help of others. It's a lesson I've had to learn myself over the years - several times."

She drew Rey into another hug, remembering the little girl who'd made her flower crowns and whose only worries were whether they were having something she didn't like for dinner. She had grown into such a strong woman who'd known hardship and sorrow too young - Leia could relate, and only hope to be that guiding influence she herself had needed at that age.

"I may not be a Jedi, but I know a few things about the Force," she told her lightly, stroking her hair. "We'll find the answer together."

* * *

_Secure medbay_

Valara lay in the darkness of her cell, knees tucked up to her chest and the green stone lying cold in the palm of her hand. She traced the symbol etched into it with one finger, the word repeating like a mantra in her head.

_Home._

Such a thing had never existed, she told herself, it had been an illusion which could only be sustained for so long and it was foolish to believe otherwise. She could not allow herself to be drawn into Rey's delusions, her passionate plea for someone Valara had never been and never could be.

She'd been cruel to the girl, but it had been necessary. There had been a part of her that had wanted to reach out to Rey, to express her relief and joy that she was alive, but that would only confuse her, give her hope that Valara could be the mother she longed for.

Even if Rey was right about everything, even if Kalonia's charts and brain scans were correct and Valara's mind had been turned to the First Order by force, it made little difference. How could she return home to the family she had once cherished so changed, having tried to kill the man who had been her husband, who had rejected her daughter when she reached out to her with such utter faith? No, it was better for Rey to move on rather than cling to to a hope that would never eventuate.

Antilles had been right - any humanity had long been burned out of her, if she'd ever had any at all. A drone in a dead woman's skin, he'd called her, and if it was all true there was no coming back from that, not after so long, not when she'd fallen so far.

The dark shrouded her as Valara wept, her fingers closing around the stone so tightly it felt as if they would break.


	46. Chapter 46

_Training room, Resistance Base, Chandrila_

Rey sat cross-legged on the floor with her eyes tightly shut, reaching out through the Force to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. Finn held her right hand and Leia her left, and Rey could feel them beside her as well; Leia's presence in the Force as bright as Luke's was, but hers was powerful and inviolable, like a mountain holding Rey up where Luke had always felt like the warmth of the sun shining down on her. Finn felt like a stream that with time and patience would cut a path through the densest forest.

With the three of them together, Rey felt herself being transported across time and space, the stars narrowing to streaks of light around her. Then she was back in the garden hidden deep in the core of the Jedi Temple, the Force tree she had returned to its home already taken root and flowering as if it had never been removed. Rey looked down and saw her booted feet sink into the green grass which carpeted the floor, she put a hand in front of her face and saw it was transparent. Only her spirit was on Coruscant, and she knew that she would not be seen as she walked the halls.

She climbed the spiral staircase to the top of the highest spire - Luke had told her that it had once been the Jedi High Council chamber, and then the Emperor had made it his throne room. Now Snoke had taken up residence, his tall, pale form clad in black robes and reclining in the seat of ultimate power, his deformed face twisted into a smile of satisfaction.

It was Nellith who had given him those injuries so deep that not even thousands of years of stasis had been able to heal. Rey felt empowered by the knowledge, and promised herself that she would finish the job her ancestor started, would find someway to destroy Snoke so that he would never hurt anyone again, never take a child from their family, never unravel their mind from the inside out, never seduce anyone to the dark again.

Kylo Ren was nowhere to be seen, and that made Rey uneasy. Snoke's court was however filled with guards in red robes and helmets, sycophants in expensive clothes and gold jewellry, and stormtroopers by the doors. A tall, red-haired man stood to Snoke's left, a sneer on his face that immediately raised Rey's hackles - Finn had told her about General Hux and there was no mistaking him.

She moved closer, instinctively moving around people although she needn't have bothered, when one attendee moved abruptly they walked right through her. Still, she approached Snoke's throne cautiously, wondering if he might be able to sense her through the Force.

_Do not fear, Rey_. Nellith's voice in her head. _The Force will shield you_. She sensed Leia squeezing her hand, and felt strong again.

"I hope you have good news for me, General," Snoke was saying, spindly white fingers tapping on the arm of his throne. "You cannot afford another mistake like Corellia."

Hux visibly bristled. "With all due respect, Supreme Leader, the mistake was not mine. You could have trusted this victory to me."

Snoke waved a hand airily. "Kylo Ren is the man for this mission, surely you trust your fleet to support him?"

"Of course," Hux said quickly, and then checked the datapad he was carrying. "They should be coming out of hyperspace soon."

_Where?_ Rey thought to herself. Were they trying to retake Corellia? The thought made her throat tighten. She moved even closer, trying to get a glimpse of battle plans on his datapad but he held it against his chest as he leaned closer to Snoke.

"Are you sure the source can be trusted?" he asked in a lowered voice. "She's already been compromised, I've seen the readouts."

"The information has been verified with my own eyes," Snoke told him, and then chuckled lightly. "Well, not quite my own eyes but they might as well be. They have orders to target the base?"

"The _Finalizer_ has been equipped with bunker-busters," Hux confirmed, lowering his datapad again and tapping orders into it. Rey glanced at it and saw her worst fears confirmed as the target listed at the top of the screen read: _Chandrila_.

She pulled back to herself and came out of her trance with a gasp, her eyes snapping open to see Leia and Finn's startled faces.

"What is it?" Leia asked. "What did you see?"

"They're coming," Rey said frantically, fear gripping her heart. "They've found us."

* * *

The command centre bustled with activity; Leia barking orders, Admiral Statura in hologram from Corellia, Lt Connix with her communications headset to send warning to the Chandrilan government on the surface.

Rey hung back from them all, she wasn't sure what she could do just yet. Leia had ordered Finn to manage the evacuation and rally what ground troops and pilots they had left for a surface defence, but she'd asked Rey to stay for now and wait for orders.

She wasn't used to standing back and doing nothing, nor waiting for instruction. In an instant Leia's demeanor had changed from loving aunt and mentor to General not to be questioned, so Rey didn't, but kept her hand on the lightsaber which hung from her hip.

"General!" Connix called out, her eyes wide. "First Order ships have emerged from hyperspace."

Rey had held onto a vain hope that she hadn't been right, that what she'd seen through the Force hadn't been true but there was no denying it now. Her hand clenched around her lightsaber - she should find Chewie and go to the _Falcon_ , bring the _Finalizer_ down single-handedly if she had to.

But cold reality stuck her as she remembered Snoke's words - it hadn't been by mere chance that the First Order had found them, they'd had a source. Someone who had told them the Resistance Base was on Chandrila, that they were vulnerable, and exactly how to destroy them.

Rey knew exactly who it was.

* * *

Klaxons had been sounding for half an hour, and Valara sat on her bunk, leaning against the cold stone wall, knees drawn up to her chest and her forehead resting on them. Despite herself, she wondered what was happening, whether it was a drill or something more serious. She should hope for the latter, use their distraction to make an escape but couldn't quite bring herself to move.

Her head had been aching for so long she almost didn't remember what it felt like not to have stabs of pain through her temples and a burning behind her eyes. The green stone was clenched in one fist, and every time she squeezed it a fresh wave of agony passed through her. Despite this, she hadn't been able to stop herself from holding on to it, as if the act would impact some clarity.

She _did_ remember when Luke had given it to her; he'd been so young then, all earnest smiles and floppy hair. A unexpected stab of longing hit her in the gut, and Valara tried to push it away. This was what Rey had wanted, for her to remember fond times in order to compromise her, to weaken her resolve. Unfortunately, it was working, Valara was no longer so sure of her own mind and memories.

When she held the stone she thought back to all those nights she'd fallen asleep with it in her hand, thinking of Luke, missing him. That longing had been real, but Valara had dismissed her feelings as fanciful and weak.

However the more she examined those memories, the stronger they became - leaving the stone for him when she'd left for Rakata Prime on a suicide mission, sitting on the sand dunes of Jakku, watching the sun set and rubbing the stone absently as if doing so would carry her worries away, showing it to Luke when they'd reconciled to prove the depth of her love for him.

_I can't promise that I'll never hurt you._ That's what she'd told him, when she suggest they get married - it had been _her_ idea, she'd forgotten that until now. Then she'd sworn that she'd never hurt him willingly, never run when things got tough as she knew they would. She promised that she would always stay and fight - for him, for them, for the life they would build together.

Had that all been a lie? She'd believed so, in those years in the First Order. But strangely, when she tried to focus on those memories they were scant and dim. They'd told her she'd spent time in the bacta tank after the crash that had killed her daughter, and it had taken years to return to full strength. She remembered the tank but not much else, images flashing before her eyes of her escape from Devaron as she floated in the foul-tasting liquid. She remembered coming out of the darkness, her vision restored and the slow acclimation to the pain of the implants that had allowed it.

She remembered slicing a vibroblade through Brendol Hux's throat, revenge for some slight or another. No...that wasn't right. He'd been trying to stop her from escaping, but why would he have needed to do that if she'd returned to the First Order willingly? She remembered the satisfaction of ending his life on a deep and visceral level that didn't make sense for the mere elimination of a rival. It had been revenge as well, for the childhood he had helped force on her, for his involvement in her separation from Rey…

Pain flooded through her temples again as if to remind her that the elder Hux had not been there when she thought Rey had been killed. It had been Luke chasing her, it was Luke's fault...and yet those other memories broke through again, of being held down by a dozen stormtroopers as Hux lay bleeding out on the floor, the way she'd kicked and fought and bit and screamed as they'd dragged her back to the tank, back to the darkness...

Valara threw down the stone on the bed, hot tears burning in her eyes. It was too terrible to be true, to believe that the last fifteen years of her life had been stolen from her, her mind twisted and controlled without her knowledge. If it were so, how could she live with herself, with what she'd done?

There was a fluttering at the back of her mind as she felt Rey approach - even after so long her daughter's presence was unmistakable. Valara blinked and forced her face into an impassive mask, covering the green stone with the blanket to shield it from view.

The young woman stormed into the room, fists clenched and her mouth in a firm, tight line.

"So what do you have for me today?" Valara forced a smirk, desperate not to telegraph her doubts. "More speeches?"

"Shut up," Rey growled at her, and Valara looked up at her in surprise. "The First Order is here, they're about to attack, but you know that, don't you? You're the one who told them how to find us."

So that was what the alarm signified. She should be relieved, knowing that she would either die in the assault or be rescued, but Valara only felt a sick feeling in her stomach. She was no longer sure that she wanted to go back to the First Order after all.

"I've been here," she spread her hands at the cell that surrounded her. "How could I have possibly have told anyone anything?"

"You know I didn't blame you for any of it," Rey said, her voice cracking as despair cut through her anger. "You were brainwashed, it wasn't your fault. But we told you the truth about what they did to you, and I thought with time, you'd remember, and it would be hard but you'd accept it and come back to us. But this…" Rey shook her head as tears spilled onto her cheeks. "You made the choice to betray us, to lead the First Order here knowing that we all could die. So I was fool for believing that you could be saved, that you ever loved me, that the mother I dreamed of all those years could ever come back like she promised she would."

Rey swiped at her cheeks angrily and the sight of it broke Valara's heart. She felt a sudden urge to take Rey in her arms, soothe the girl's tears and tell her everything was going to be alright.

"I haven't been in contact with them," Valara insisted, it suddenly very important for Rey to understand that. "I haven't left this room."

"So the First Order just happen to show up the day after I let slip we're on Chandrila, that Luke's not here to protect us?" Rey shook her head. "No, I figured it out - your implants. Snoke said that he confirmed the information with eyes that might as well have been his own - he sent you after us deliberately and you've been the best kind of spy for him. Following orders as you've always done because it's too hard to think for yourself." Rey looked her up and down with utter contempt. "I guess that's just who you are."

Valara touched her temples, a wave of pain passing through them as she was urged not to believe it - but even worse was the look in Rey's eyes, disappointment and anger and regret. She opened her mouth to deny the accusation but the room was rocked by an explosion above them.

"Bunker-blasters," Rey spat out the words. "They know we're underground, I let that slip too."

Valara scrambled off the bed and grasped her daughter by the shoulders. "Rey, you have to go," she said desperately as the room was rocked again. "Take a ship and leave, go find your father, run as far as you can so they can't find you."

Rey gave her a disgusted look, shaking off her grip. "And leave everyone to die? My friends, Aunt Leia?" She shook her head, retreating backwards and looking at Valara as if seeing her for the first time.

"You can go," Rey said, her mouth twisting bitterly. "The guards are gone, evacuated, there's no one to stop you. Go back on join the First Order you're so loyal to, that you chose over your own family. I'm staying here, I'm going to fight until there's nothing left in me, because that's who _I_ am and nothing will change that."

Rey stared at her for several moments, eyes blazing, chin held high, and Valara sank back down onto the bunk, cowed and confused. Then Rey stalked from the room, leaving the door open behind her.

Another blast rocked the walls, and a crack formed in the ceiling. Was it true, was she responsible for bring the First Order down upon the Resistance, on her own daughter? Of course she'd had no contact with Snoke since being captured, but Valara touched her temple and pressed her fingers down into the skin. What if he'd been watching anyway, the implants which had restored her sight actually serving a far more sinister purpose, even beyond what Kalonia had tried to explain. The doctor had shown her brain scans and told her that the implants were a form of control, releasing pain stimulus when she was questioning the veracity of her memory, that had caused a seizure when she had found out Rey was still alive.

She had refused to believe it if only because it was too terrible to accept. But what if things were even worse, what if Snoke had been using the implants to keep tabs on her, use her own eyes to spy for him? If that were true, then so was everything else; that it hadn't been Luke chasing her across the skies of Jakku, but the First Order trying to draw her and Rey into their clutches. They'd succeeded with Valara, kept her confined and imprisoned as they reconditioned her, reworking the pathways of her mind and modifying her memories. She'd screamed in agony and tried to fight it for as long as she could but eventually she had succumbed. The first few times her memories had come back and she'd tried to run but they'd always caught her - that was how Brendol Hux had died, the man who had chosen her for Inquisitor training, who'd orchestrated her kidnapping, who'd designed the machine which had broken her. Years had passed and finally, they had made her into what she wanted - into what she'd tried so hard not to be.

Valara could not longer deny it, and despair clung to her as she accepted the terrible truth. She'd been lied to, used, her mind twisted but she couldn't ignore her own culpability. It was her fault Rey was in danger, that she thought her own mother had served her up for death. Agony shot through her temples and down her spine, but she could recognise it now, and worked to keep it at bay - she would no longer be controlled.

She should leave as she'd told Rey to, escape to some far-flung corner of the universe where she couldn't hurt anyone. Where she could be free, finally, from a lifetime of servitude and regret. It would be easier for Rey that way, she already thought the worst of Valara, it would help her move on.

If she survived the attack. Luke wasn't there to save her, and Valara was the one who'd led the might of the First Order right to them. The room was rocked by another explosion, duracrete dust falling from the ceiling - the base might not hold out much longer, but Rey no doubt had headed for the surface where the Resistance was to make a last stand.

Valara threw aside the blanket and retrieved the green stone, tracing the symbol etched into its surface. _Home._ A flood of memories broke through the pain in her head, voices from the past which she would no longer ignore.

_Peace is for other people to enjoy._

_Maybe I didn't escape, maybe they let me go, maybe there's still commands in my head waiting to be activated._

_No matter what someone's done, they can always come back, they can always make things right._

_I want to be your family._

_You think your life won't mean anything until it is over, but it means something to me. What? Everything._

_This belongs to you. It was a gift. When I thought I'd never see you again, take it, so I know you will someday._

_The truth is, I just need you._

_H_ _ere's to the hard days ahead - may they be worth it._

_You, me and baby Skywalker, sound like a good team._

_I'll come back for you sweetheart._

_I promise I'll stay and fight._

Valara's fingers closed around the stone and she rose to her feet. A wave of pain paralysed her, and she fell to her knees, gasping for breath. This was it, she could feel her limbs begin to shake and the seizure start - her punishment meted out from across the galaxy for daring to accept the truth.

"No," she let out a strangled cry, clutching the stone tighter, willing it to give her strength. Valara refused to give in, refused to let herself be controlled any longer - she'd broken away once before when she'd still been a teenager and grasped for that defiance again.

She reached out through the Force, the first time she had truly done so in years, not to use it as a tool, but to accept the strength of it, to let it work through her. Valara struggled to her feet, pushing away the pain and thinking of her daughter, her sweet Rey who had lived inside her, suckled at her breast, who would give her warm hugs and sloppy kisses, whose laugh never failed to light up her heart. She thought of the woman fully grown, standing before her with strength and purpose and determination, whose pure heart shone through like the warmth of a sunrise after a cold and dark night.

_My Rey of light_ , Luke used to call her, and Valara found the strength she needed to push through the debilitating pain. Every step was agony, lacing through her temples and down her spine to her legs. She held onto the wall of the empty corridor with one hand, forcing herself to put one foot after the other and hoping that she wasn't too late.

* * *

Fire rained down from the sky, half of Hanna City decimated by the bunker-busting bombs dropped by the _Finalizer_ which loomed over them like black cloud. First Order stormtroopers were descending to start the ground assault, and a distinctive black shuttle that cut its way through the sky and landed half a kilometre away.

Rey could see Resistance ships above - the _Falcon_ must be among them since it was missing from the hangar. Chewie had not waited for her and she'd been unable to find any other ship to take and join the troops above attempting to take down the Star Destroyer.

Finn was nearby, ordering ground troops into formation as he manned an ion cannon which sent blasts back up to the Destroyer. He let out a whoop as he successfully targeted the bomb deployment shafts - he'd always been a good shot.

Rey's lightsaber was in her hand, she'd intended to attack the first wave of stormtroopers when she'd seen Kylo Ren's shuttle land. She reached out to the Force, quelling the surge of hate she felt at the sight of his black ship, pushing past the guilt and disappointment about the mother who'd failed her. Luke wasn't here to help her either, and Leia was still down in the command room, refusing to evacuate.

She was utterly alone, and yet...Nellith was with her, as were the thousand Skywalkers who had come after her. She would never be alone, Luke had told her, if she had the Force.

Rey began to sprint towards the landing site of Kylo's shuttle. She heard Finn yell her name but she didn't stop running, her feet pounding against the pavement and heart beating wildly. Then she saw him, clad all in black and wearing that ridiculous mask, surrounded by stormtroopers. His presence flooded the back of her mind and made her feel sick, it was dark and acrid and for a moment she was back in that chair as he pushed his way through her mind.

Fresh anger flushed through her and yet again Rey reached for peace - she would prove that she could do this, and would not let herself give in to the pull of the dark side.

Kylo Ren turned his head, and she'd been spotted. She expected him to advance on her, eager for a rematch but instead he turned back and began to walk towards the entrance to the underground bunker. Leia, she realised - he was after his mother.

Stormtroopers began to fire at her and Rey snapped into action, igniting her saber and deflecting the volley of blasts. But she was soon overwhelmed, falling back desperately and losing hope that she would be able to head Kylo off before he reached the bunker entrance. But then blaster fire came from behind her and the stormtroopers began to fall. She turned her head and saw Finn and a few other Resistance troops, firing from behind cover. He nodded to her briefly, and she gave him a smile of thanks before taking off, knowing he had her back.

Kylo Ren was stalking across the battlefield but Rey was faster and more determined. She headed him off before he reached the entrance to the base, holding out the tip of her lightsaber towards him in a challenge. She wouldn't let him do to his mother what he had done to his father, to tear their family even further asunder.

The crackle of his lightsaber was unmistakable and sent a jolt of fear through her - Rey could feel his anger as volatile and dangerous as his blood-red blade, he hated her more than ever, for remembering her past, for bringing Luke back, but most of all for humiliating him on Starkiller. It was a fresh wound for which the only salve was her blood.

"I should have killed you on Jakku the first time," Kylo said, voice distorted and deepened by his helmet. "Do not expect mercy again."

"I don't," she told him, swiping her lightsaber to the side and moving into a defensive stance. Kylo's head tilted, looking at the blade and she felt rage, jealousy, and hate bubble within him. He raised his own blade high and charged.

* * *

The pain was getting worse and Valara was reduced to crawling by the time she reached the surface, her limbs seizing and refusing to hold her upright. She took in a lungful of air but found it acrid, as if the barrage of fire had burned most of the oxygen out of the atmosphere.

But the bombing had stopped, and looking up at the Star Destroyer she saw that the mechanisms had been disabled which gave her some relief. Still the laser cannons were firing, destroying what little remained of the air defence and sending a barrage of fire down on the city. In the distance she saw the silver glint of Phasma's armor as she led the ground assault a thousand stormtrooper strong, being held at bay by Resistance and Chandrilian fighters. Finn was taking cover behind a fallen A-Wing, taking out his former comrades one by one with his expert shot but still they advanced.

Her focus, however, was on Rey and Kylo as they dueled nearby. She was her father's daughter, Valara could see it in the way she fought with supreme focus and precision. Kylo, however, was all brute force, favoring tricks and strength over the finer points of combat form he'd never had the patience to learn.

Their blades clashed violently and Kylo pressed his height and weight advantage, pressing down and forcing Rey to bend her knees. Her face distorted with the effort of keeping her blade in front of her and Valara tried to stand but found her legs unwilling to cooperate. But Rey's distress was only a feint, when Kylo pushed on his blade with full strength Rey darted to the side as he overbalanced, whipping around her lightsaber to catch him square in the face. He cried out in pain as he fell to his knees, free hand coming up to remove his helmet and toss it aside.

He was uninjured and launched himself back to his feet to catch Rey's next blow as she brought it down, pure rage on his face. "Not this time," he said through gritted teeth, and Rey's eyes widened as she realised that he'd drawn her in. Kylo stepped up his attack, blows raining down upon her and although she met every one with her blue blade she conceded ground, stepping back each time he came for her.

Valara let out a cry of anguish as Kylo caught her right hand by the wrist, for a terrible moment holding it firm and squeezing until Rey dropped her lightsaber. It fell to the ground and disengaged but Kylo was not satisfied, he swung her forcefully and then brought his own blade down hard, cleaving off her hand just above the wrist. Rey screamed in agony, falling to her knees as Kylo tossed aside the severed appendage and then loomed above her, savoring the moment.

"No," Valara let out in a strangled voice. She forced herself to her feet, willing with every cell in her body and with the aid of the Force for them to work, to push past the agony radiating from behind her eyes. Kylo lifted his lightsaber as Rey lay crumpled on the ground, cradling her severed arm and whimpering in pain and shock.

She almost collapsed again as she took her first step but Valara drew on her last reserves of strength, on the love for Rey so fiercely denied. The Force surged through her, strength and light and hope that she'd not experienced in so long, and yet felt so familiar.

Valara ran and launched herself at Kylo, knocking him bodily to the ground. He cried out in surprise and swung wildly with his lightsaber but Valara rolled out of his reach, holding out her hand and calling Rey's to her. It was only when it hit her palm that she realised it was Luke's, the same lightsaber she'd found the first morning after they'd been together. She'd rejected it then, dropping it like a hot stone when Luke had told her what it was, but now it felt right in her hand, like an ally, like Luke was there, willing her to protect their daughter.

Valara rose to her feet, igniting the lightsaber as Kylo scrambled back up, turning to face her with a sneer.

"Aunt V," he said and gave a bitter laugh. "So I guess you finally figured it out."

Valara felt anger burn within her, remembering her years in the First Order - Kylo must have felt a surge of victory every time he looked at her safe in the knowledge that she didn't know why she hated him, or why he always felt so familiar. She glanced at Rey, still on the ground in obvious pain, looking up at Valara wide-eyed and her mouth hanging open.

"Yes," she said, to her daughter rather than Kylo. "I just hope not too late."

"You think you can win against me?" Kylo taunted her, gesturing down at her legs shaking with the effort of keeping her upright. "You can't even stand."

Another wave of pain ran through her, this time even more powerful. It was Snoke, trying to re-establish control and Valara clung desperately to her own mind which was once again slipping away. Kylo could sense her faltering, and began to advance but to Valara it was almost as if time slowed.

She closed her eyes, reaching out the the Force as she had done when she'd been blind, before Snoke had put those damned implants inside her. The pain receded and the world came into focus again through her Force-sight - she could see Kylo advancing on her, a swirl of dark energy, like an electric storm, she could see Rey, the embodiment of light, and she saw herself, a bright heart within a shell of darkness.

Her movements were instinctive, Valara let the Force guide her as she dueled with Kylo, her eyes kept shut as she moved with precision and grace. He was not match for her with the Force as her ally, he reached desperately for power from the dark but was subdued by the strength of her love for her daughter which guided her hand, which held her firm against Kylo's battery of attacks, which showed her his weakness and how to defeat him.

When Valara opened her eyes again it was over - Kylo pinned to the ground beneath her, his lightsaber sliced in half on the ground by his head as she held hers to his throat. She jammed her knee further into his arm to keep it pinned; he was at her mercy and relief was soon replaced by a burning hate which felt stronger than anything. He was the person who'd taken her daughter away from her, had delivered her to Snoke to be turned inside out and remade into everything she had sworn she'd never been again. He'd caused Luke the agony of believing that she was dead, he'd killed his students, destroyed everything he had valued.

For that he had to pay, but Valara could not do it with Luke's lightsaber. She tossed it aside and saw Kylo's eyes widen in fear. It fueled her, and the first punch to his face felt so satisfying she did it again, feeling the bridge of his nose break under her knuckles. She felt no pain, either in her hand or her temples; the implants were no longer sending out signals.

She took advantage of the relief to hit Kylo again. He tried to resist, to throw her off but she'd wounded him and he was too weak. Blood spilled over her knuckles as her attack became frenzied, the dark urging her on, to extract pain from him until he understood what it felt like, to inflict on him the agony he'd caused her, and then finally finish him.

Rey screamed at her to stop but it felt like a call from far away. She felt a hand on her shoulder, trying to pull her back but Valara shucked it off, too taken in by the way her hand impacted against Kylo's pale face, the way his head knocked back against the ground.

Then she felt one arm encircle her from behind, holding onto one shoulder and a soft cheek pressed into her back. "Mum, please," came Rey's strangled plea. "Stop." The back of her tunic was wet with Rey's tears and it was as if Valara was sucked back into herself. The dark clawed at her again but she recognised it for what it was, releasing Kylo who slumped back against the ground, and let Rey pull her back.

Rey used her own sleeve to wipe the blood from Valara's hands so tenderly it made her weep. Regret flooded her as she glanced over at Kylo, relieved when she saw his chest rise and fall indicating that he was still alive.

"I'm sorry," she whispered through her tears and turned back to her daughter. "Rey, I'm so sorry."

"Are you alright?" Rey asked, looking into her eyes as if to find the answer there. "Are you...back?"

Valara nodded and pulled Rey close, folding her arms around her daughter and kissing the side of her head. "It's me," she assured her, reaching out through the Force so she would know the truth of her words.

They held each other for a few moments, revelling in the reestablished connection. But then Rey pulled away abruptly, looking over Valara's shoulder at the battle that still raged in the distance.

"Finn," she said. "We have to help them."

"Rey," Valara tugged her back. "You need medical attention." Rey's arm was held against her body, and she looked down at it as if she'd forgotten she was missing a hand. "Besides," Valara nodded up at the sky. "It looks like the cavalry's arrived."

A New Republic Star Destroyer had appeared in the atmosphere, firing on the _Finalizer_. Dozens of other ships of varying shapes and sizes appeared, including an X-Wing Valara knew to be Luke's. The Resistance forces on the ground cheered as he landed near them, emerging from the cockpit with his lightsaber already drawn. The cheering grew louder as the other ships landed and from them emerged more Jedi - perhaps two dozen with lightsabers drawn.

"They came!" Rey said.

"Who are they?" Valara asked.

"Survivors," Rey explained, voice flooded with happiness and relief as she sank down next to Valara. "Dad said that he sent them into hiding, and he called for them to return but it seemed like they'd never show up."

Of course, Valara knew that Luke must have finished training at least some Jedi before his temple was attacked. Most had likely remained on to teach or seek greater learning, but evidently a few had made their own way out into the universe, in turn training others. Valara smiled with surprise and pleasure when she saw a pink and purple skinned togruta, her lekku fully grown. Laisha - Luke's first student and one of the few who Valara had considered a friend.

The battle was over almost as soon as it had begun, Phasma and her troopers no match for the collection of Jedi and the Resistance forces. Valara kept Rey back, holding onto her tightly and not about to let her go.

But once they'd won and Luke started in their direction Rey pulled herself from Valara's grip, barrelling towards her father and throwing herself into his arms. Valara felt a ache in her heart as he smiled and held his daughter, that same loving smile she'd tried to forget for years but now knew she never could, or wanted to.

"Oh, no," Luke said as he took her severed wrist in his hand. "Oh, Rey." He drew her close again, stroking her hair. "I…" His breath hitched in his throat as he spotted Valara, still on the ground.

The pain was back, throbbing through her temples and making it's way down her spine but she forced herself to stand. It was like a thousand needles through her legs but she held firm, her gaze locked on Luke's and it was as if time had melted away and he understood everything, forgave everything.

Tears spilled onto her cheeks and he ran towards her; she felt him in the back of her mind which had been empty for years. But there was something else warring inside her, something dark and bitter, that she'd fought for so long and had lost herself to.

"Stop!" She held out her hand and he stilled. They were just a few feet from each other and she longed to close the distance but didn't trust herself.

"Why?" he asked. His gaze flickered to Kylo Ren still unconscious on the ground and then back up to her, his fingers flexing as if holding himself back from reaching for her was too much.

"Because of these," her hand hovered near her temple. "Because they can still control me."

"No, Mum." Rey staggered up, supported by Finn was bearing a gash to the forehead but looked otherwise unharmed. "You broke free, you saved me."

"But I can still feel him," Valara explained, a crack in her voice. "He'll always be there, watching, causing me pain, trying to twist my thoughts, and eventually I'll break." The agony in her head was already becoming too much to bear, false memories trying to reestablish themselves and urging her to submit, a tingling at the base of her spine indicating a seizure about the be triggered.

There was only one way to stop it. She pressed her hands to either side of her head, reaching behind her eyes to the implants that had restored her vision but taken her life.

"Valara, no." Luke closed the distance between them, taking her by the arms. "There's a kill switch, you'll die."

She looked into his eyes and felt her love for him warring with the urge to close her hands around his throat. "It's the only way," she told him. She'd rather die in the attempt that live one more moment with a mind that was not solely her own.

"At least wait," Luke clutched at her desperately, trying to pull her hands from her head but she held firm. "Let them examine you, see if they can remove them surgically."

But the experts Rey had promised her had already come and she'd known they thought the situation hopeless. Snoke had been too thorough, and the only hope she had was that her will was stronger than his. If not, at least she'd saved her daughter, at least Rey would not be alone, she'd have Luke, and Finn, and Leia. And she'd remember Valara as someone brave, as someone who'd loved her.

"I'm sorry, Luke," she whispered, closing her eyes and reaching into her mind. "I love you."

"Valara, no!" His voice seemed very far away, and she could no longer feel his arms around her even though she knew they were still there. Valara honed in on the implants behind her eyes, to the roots into her brain and the rest of her body. She could feel the connection now, that transmitted everything she saw to Snoke and received commands back, that fed false memories into her mind, a barrage of dark thoughts and constant pain to cloud her true self, that urged her to kill the only man she'd ever loved. She could sense where the implants would destruct when tampered with, the ultimate price for disloyalty.

She thought of Luke, who had told her every day of their marriage that he loved her, she thought of Rey, who was strong and brave and everything Valara had hoped she would be. She thought of the green stone in her pocket, the word _home_ etched into the face and the words she'd shared with Luke so long ago. She thought of her life of struggle, of how hard she'd worked to break free of the Empire's hold, and how difficult it had been after that to accept there was more to life than finding absolution. Like family, like love. Like home.

Valara severed the connection of her implants with a swift thought, trusting the Force help her the rest of the way. For a moment her world inverted, she touched the divide which was endless stars and infinite peace - there were others there, ready to accept her.

Once, that had been all that she longed for, to repay her debt and find peace in death. But Valara pulled back from the abyss, not ready to become one with the Force just yet. She slipped back into her earthly confines, to a mind that was once again her own.

She opened her eyes and found she could still see; Luke's face was close to hers and she reached up to touch his mouth as it split into a smile. Once again she could feel the warmth of his body, the beat of his heart in tandem with hers, the sense of him inside her again, like the sun.

But it was fleeting - Valara felt herself slip away again as she collapsed into Luke's arms.


	47. Chapter 47

_Medical Frigate, Resistance Fleet_

Rey felt as if she had spent her whole life waiting. On Jakku every day had been exactly the same, scavenging for junk, trading it to Unkar for food, looking up at the sky hoping that finally her family would return before accepting that it would not happen that sundown, making her mark on the wall and hoping that the following day would be the one. In contrast, her life since leaving Jakku had been a whirl of activity, fleeing the First Order with Finn, meeting and then losing Han Solo, duelling with Kylo Ren, reuniting with her father, beginning her training, finding her mother, duelling with Kylo again.

She flexed her right hand; it felt strange, she could feel it there, her fingers moved when they ought and it had every appearance of flesh but she knew it was not. Luke said she'd get used to it, that it would become part of her as much as a limb of flesh and blood but that was hard to conceive, it still felt foreign.

But in the scheme of things her lost hand meant little, at least not compared to the sting to her pride it had caused. She'd been too confident in facing Kylo again, she'd beaten him before completely untrained, so surely she would triumph after everything she'd learned? But is seemed that her cousin had been learning too, he'd prepared to face her again, studied the way she'd won against him the first time and exploited it. In contrast Rey had been complacent, she'd burned to fight him after learning the full extent of how he'd ruined her life, but she'd given little thought as to how.

A large, warm hand covered hers, and Rey turned to see her father smiling at her gently. She wondered if he knew what she was thinking; he hadn't been angry that she'd gone to confront her mother after all, nor that she'd faced Kylo Ren. Rey looked down at Luke's hands, the right indistinguishable from the left now that it had been covered in syth-flesh. He understood, she realised, and although he hadn't liked it he'd let her make her own mistakes.

Feeling a sudden wave of affection for him, Rey leaned her head against her father's shoulder. It was strong and firm, but comfortable. He did not speak, but she felt his hand squeeze hers lightly as they watched Valara sleep.

Waiting again, this time for her mother to wake up. Rey was anxious, even though Doctor Kalonia had assured them Valara's condition was stable, it would only be when she awoke that they would know if she'd truly thrown off Snoke's control.

"I shouldn't have given up on her," Rey whispered, gaze fixed on her mother prone in the bed, looking small and pale. "I should never have believed she betrayed us. You wouldn't."

"Don't be hard on yourself, Rey," Luke soothed her. "You were five when you last saw your mother, and had only known someone who loved you more than anything. But you got through to her." He squeezed her hand again. "I think maybe you were the only one who could."

As relieved as Rey had been to see her mother come for her, push past the pain and brainwashing which had held her back before, it had also frightened her to see Valara's fury unleashed against Kylo Ren. She'd almost killed him, his blood spilling over her knuckles, the sickening crunch of breaking bone, and Rey saw the dark side clearer than she ever had before.

But she'd stopped when Rey had pulled her back, and when she'd held her in her arms and nothing else had seemed to matter. Time would tell whether that feeling would last.

Doctor Kalonia entered the room, nodding briefly to Luke and Rey before checking the monitors beside Valara's bed. "Good news," she turned to them with a smile. "I think she'll wake up soon."

Rey sat forward in her chair and held her breath but she'd been too eager. It took another half an hour for her mother to stir and then open her eyes, blinking as she looked around trying to orient herself. Kalonia took precedence of course, gently welcoming Valara back and helping her to sit up, asking questions to establish her state of mind.

"Oh, get on with it," Valara said irritably, pushing Kalonia's hand away when she tried to shine a light in her eyes. "Just ask me if I'm me again, and the answer is yes although I grant you've no reason to trust my word."

Luke chuckled and rose to his feet. "I've no doubt if you still had ill intent you'd simply tell us."

Valara's gaze shifted to Luke and she hesitated only a moment before holding out her hand to him - he went to her swiftly and clasped her hand before bringing it to his lips and pressing a kiss into her palm

"Luke," she said with a softness that seemed unfamiliar, or almost forgotten. "How come I can still see you?"

"Yes, that's interesting," Kalonia spoke up, examining her datapad with test results. "We've confirmed that the connection and control link has been severed, although I admit I don't really understand how. The implants themselves remain and it seems they continue to augment your eyesight. We can of course remove them now that the kill switch has been disabled, although that is a discussion for another time."

But it was clear Valara was no longer paying any attention to the doctor's words; her eyes were on Rey as she slowly made her way towards her bedside where Kalonia ceded her spot.

"Rey," Valara breathed, and she looked as nervous as Rey felt. Luke dropped his grip as she reached out and took Rey's right hand, examining the prosthetic with a resigned sort of smile. "You really are a Skywalker, aren't you."

"I'm not the one in the medcot," Rey pointed out with a grin, her anxiety melting away.

Valara laughed; a light, free sound. "The insolence you get from me."

"Are you really alright though?" Rey asked, needing to make sure.

"I'm fine," Valara's smile faltered. "Only sad, about the years that we lost, and sorry, for the things I said to you."

Impulsively, Rey bent down and hugged her, burrowing her face into her mother's shoulder. "It's alright," she told her, voice thick. "I'm just glad you're back." Valara's thin hands stroked through Rey's hair and down her back, and for a moment they simply held each other in relief and happiness.

When she pulled away Rey saw her mother's cheeks were wet, and she wiped the tears away with a self-conscious smile, as if embarrassed by the show of emotion. "I take it the day was won," she said and turned to Luke. "Your Jedi returned."

"Yes," Luke nodded. "But we've moved on from Chandrila, they thought it best if the fleet kept moving to avoid making any other planet a target."

Valara's gaze turned downcast. "I assume there were heavy losses."

"Yes, but it wasn't your fault," Luke said as if anticipating her next words.

"I was just a willing pawn," Valara said, her voice hard as she pulled away from both of them, folding her hands in her lap. "Should I expect a visit from Antilles with a warrant for my arrest?"

"No," Luke assured her. "That's not going to happen."

"Whyever not? War crimes are war crimes, and even - influence - does not eliminate culpability." She stared down at her hands. "That the two of you don't hold my actions against me are irrelevant, since you are not the only ones I've hurt."

Rey hadn't even thought that the Resistance would consider her mother a criminal now that she'd recovered, but of course the decision would not be her or Luke's. She had no doubt Aunt Leia would support them, but she wasn't the only one in charge.

"If they try to take you, we'll leave," Rey declared, not even having to give the matter consideration. "Fight the First Order on our own." She wouldn't allow herself to be separated from her family again, not now that she'd just gotten them back. Finn would come with them, she was sure of it, probably Chewbacca as well - they could make it work, forge their own path.

"I'm sure it won't come to that," Luke said in a reasoned voice, and he gave Rey a look that urged her not to overreact. "The Resistance needs skill and intelligence, and won't be ignorant to the fact that you can offer both."

A muscle in Valara's jaw twitched. "History repeats itself."

"Except this time you're not alone," Luke sat down on the bed and took Valara's hand again.

"No, I suppose not." She looked up at Luke and there was such love in her gaze it was almost indecent. Still, it made Rey smile.

"You know, we first met in a medbay like this," Valara said, lifting her hand to gently stroke Luke's cheek.

"I remember." His voice was thick, and although the immediate reaction on seeing a parental display of affection was discomfort, Rey was also relieved. She had worried, when Valara had been so cold, that her father's devotion to her was misplaced and she had never cared for him like he had for her - perhaps Rey's own childhood memories had been coloured by her youth and the natural inclination to adore one's mother. But it was clear to her now that they shared a deep connection that had not diminished despite years apart.

"At least I can see you this time." Valara's fingers trailed over the whiskers on his chin.

"Unfortunately," he said, but he was smiling. Valara leaned forward slightly, her lips parting and Rey turned away, considering whether she should give them privacy. But she decided she'd earned the right to be a bit selfish, shifting from one foot to the other as she kept her eyes on the floor. When she decided an appropriate time had passed, she cleared her throat and waited a few more moments before turning back.

"If you're done?" she asked as both her parents looked sheepish. Valara's cheeks had flushed, standing out against her pale face, and she gave Luke a sly smile.

"Not at all," she said, winking at Luke and Rey let out a sound of mock exasperation. This was how it should be, she decided, she should be a normal nineteen year old embarrassed by her affectionate parents, joking and laughing with them, teasing each other. This was how it would be from now on.

"Speaking of history repeating itself," Valara let out a sigh, serious once again. "How is my dear nephew?"

"He's in custody," Luke told her. "And you'll be relieved to hear not permanently damaged."

"Will I indeed?" She seemed amused.

"Relieved, my love," Luke kissed her hand. "Not happy."

"How is Leia holding up?"

"Same as always," Luke said grimly. "Ben has refused to speak, even to her."

"And the First Order?"

"We've taken Corellia, and after their defeat on Chandrila the rest of the Core is in open defiance. They still hold Coruscant, but things are certainly better than they were a week ago. We have Ben, and their stormtrooper commander."

"Phasma?" Valara perked up. "You might have more luck with her than Ren, she has more self-interest than the average true believer."

"I'm sure Leia will want you to report to Resistance Command," Luke said. "But you've only just woken up, V, don't worry about that yet."

"So how long am I trapped in this bed?" she called out to Kalonia who had been loitering in the background, and the doctor returned to the monitors.

"I suppose I could be persuaded to let you go now," she said with that kind smile of hers. "Your vitals are normal, and far be it from me to forestall a proper family reunion."

It was another half and hour though before Kalonia gave them the all clear; she did some final tests and then urged Valara to have a shower since that wasn't a luxury she'd been afforded while a prisoner. When she'd appeared again, hair washed but plaited and pulled back into a bun at the nape of her neck and wearing a standard issue NR green jumpsuit, Valara commented absently she felt like she was back in uniform. Kalonia gave her formal approval and warned Valara to return if she felt poorly before ushering them out of her medbay.

There weren't many places to explore on the medical frigate, but Valara declared that more than anything she needed some decent food, so they made their way to the mess hall. Their presence drew stares but everyone gave them a wide berth either out of respect or fear, and Rey didn't care which.

Valara ate ravenously, and Rey watched her father watch her with obvious affection. She wondered if it was the first meal Valara had truly enjoyed in fifteen years - Rey understood, she'd had a similar reaction on her first meal with the Resistance which seemed like pure indulgence compared to the insta-bread and rations of Jakku, and the fish of Ahch-To which while tasty had been lacking in variety and seasoning.

"Tell me about Jakku," Valara bid between mouthfuls. "Don't leave anything out," she added on seeing Rey's hesitation. Looking to her father, Rey was worried of divulging the details of her life so soon, she wasn't sure how fragile her mother's mind still was, and whether she would be overburdened by sorrow and guilt. But Luke nodded, and so Rey told her story - slowly, so her mother would have time to adjust.

"Did you ever visit the Church of the Force, out by Kelvin Ravine?" Valara asked, pushing away her empty plate. "I lived there once."

"You did?" Luke seemed surprised, and then understanding seemed to find him. "That's where you were, before you came to the Temple - a graveyard, you said you'd been. I thought about those words so many times, wondering what you meant."

"I should have told you," Valara said regretfully. "I'm not really sure why I never did - I suppose I wanted to leave it all behind, and start afresh with you."

Luke's expression hardened and he stared into the middle distance. "Ben went to Jakku to see Lor San Tekka - it was close to Imperial space, we thought he might have heard something. But Ben said it was a dead end, and I believed him."

Valara rested a hand on his arm. "You didn't know."

"I should have," Luke exhaled harshly. "It never even crossed my mind that you might have returned to Jakku, not after what happened there."

"What happened?" Rey asked to keep the conversation from devolving into a guilt parade.

"The Battle of Jakku," Valara explained, and the beginnings of a smile appeared. "I wasn't cleared to fly but I went out anyway, and helped take down a Star Destroyer."

"She got herself shot down," Luke added with reproach. "I think the term blaze of glory is appropriate, you're lucky your X-Wing wasn't burnt to a crisp during the crash."

"Just a third of my skin," Valara said dryly.

"I used to drive by a crashed X-Wing in my speeder," Rey said, recalling her daily commute out to the junkyard. "It was by a Star Destroyer, and I always felt...something as I went by."

"I don't know if it makes me feel better or worse," Valara said, reaching to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Rey's ear. "To have been so close to you, and yet so far."

"Lor San Tekka - I never spoke to him directly, but I knew who he was," Rey said. "They were good people, always kind to me when I went out there delivering goods for Unkar. Sometimes they gave me dinner and let me sit around their fire while they would talk about the Jedi - about the great Luke Skywalker." She ducked her head. "I thought they were just stories."

"We're all just stories in the end," Valara said. "At least if you ask Lor. How is the old coot?"

Rey bit her lip, and Valara leaned back in her seat and sighed. "Kylo?"

"Finn told me," Rey explained. "Lor wouldn't say where the map was, and so Kylo killed him and ordered the death of the whole village."

"All of them?" Valara was clearly distressed. "Dasha?"

Rey had often spoken to Lor San Tekka's granddaughter, she took delivery of supplies for the village. She'd been self-assured and resilient - Rey had admired her and it seemed her mother had once been her friend. She nodded and Valara's distress turned to visible anger.

"That's when Finn defected," Rey explained, wanting her mother to know that her friend had played no part in the massacre. "He refused to shoot."

"He's a good man," Valara nodded, seeming calmer. "Too good for the First Order, thankfully."

"Tell me about something happy," Rey asked, trying to avoid any questions about Finn she wasn't yet ready to answer. "Preferably a story in which neither of you are grievously injured."

Luke and Valara shared a glance. "Well that does narrow down the options," she said playfully. "But let me tell you about the time we both ended up undercover in a pirate's den on Larshak…"

The next few hours passed blissfully, with Luke and Valara each telling stories from their lives in the Rebellion, in the peace afterwards, and on Devaron. Rey had heard some of them before from Luke on Ahch-To, but there had been a melancholy air to his retelling then so unlike the animation in him now - he did voices; imitating Leia, Han and even Threepio, gestured to emphasise the tale and overall made the stories come alive where before they had been tinged with sadness. Valara didn't have his skill in weaving a tale, but her retellings were precise with frequent wry commentary which made them just as interesting.

They sat and talked and laughed until late into the evening, when Rey noticed Finn enter the mess and sit down to have dinner with two lieutenants.

"Why doesn't he come over?" Valara asked, following Rey's gaze across the room.

"I don't think he wants to interrupt."

"He's not scared of me, I hope." Valara sounded slightly concerned despite the lightness of tone.

Rey smiled. "No - he respects you."

"Well, the feeling's mutual." She seemed pleased, sitting up a bit straighter as she cast a look to the other table. Finn's two colleagues quickly looked down at their meals but he held her gaze, giving a slight nod.

There was one person on the ship who had no qualms about interrupting them - when Admiral Antilles entered the room he strode over without hesitation, greeting Luke and Rey warmly but giving Valara a thin smile.

"Valara," he greeted her. "Doctor K gave you the all clear then?"

"That's right," she said, tapping her temple. "100% Snoke free and with no lingering homicidal intent. Although for you I'm sure I can make an exception."

The Admiral's smile didn't falter but he cleared his throat as if he was about to say something unpleasant. "You know, when I'm wrong I admit it."

Valara waited for a moment, but the Admiral just stared back at her. "I'm sorry, was that the admission?" she asked with amusement.

"Okay, I was wrong," he said begrudgingly. "And I'm glad I was - it's good to have you back." He stepped forward and patted her shoulder awkwardly, and yet it almost seemed like a friendly embrace. "But I do need to steal Luke for a moment."

Valara gave Luke a warm smile as he rose. "As long as you return him in the same condition."

Wedge smirked. "Don't I always?"

Rey studied her mother curiously as the two men walked away, already deep into discussion.

"What was that about?" she asked when they were alone

"It's a long story," Valara sighed as she turned back, threading her fingers together on the table. "I'll tell you about it one day, although I warn you I don't come off particularly well in it."

"I don't care," Rey said resolutely. "I just want to know you."

"You will," Valara promised, and Rey instinctively scooted closer to her. "You might not like everything you find out, but I won't keep anything from you. And I want to hear everything about you," she added, putting her arm around Rey. "You might want to keep things secret because you think they will hurt me - that I'll feel regret and sorrow and guilt that I wasn't there to protect you, and I will. But I still need to hear them."

"I promise," Rey said, and accepted her mother's embrace. It was so different from when her father hugged her - his arms were soft and accepting and warm, while her mother's were strong like a vice, although not an unpleasant one. After years spent in freefall, it felt as if she'd finally been caught.

"Now," Valara said she pulled away but still held onto Rey's shoulders. "With this pledge of mutual honesty in mind, are you going to tell me about Finn?"

Rey coloured - she'd walked right into that, and could tell her mother wasn't going to be as easily fobbed off as Luke was on the subject. "He's my best friend."

"Of course he is." Valara grinned and turned around to signal the waitdroid to refill her caf. "But he keeps looking over here, and I don't think it's me that's drawing his attention."

"Were you and Dad friends first?" Rey asked. In all of the previous hours of conversation, it hadn't been clear exactly how or when her parents had fallen in love.

Valara chuckled into her caf. "You could say that we were...friends." She took a gulp and then set the mug down on the table. "But you don't want to follow our example Rey, it was complicated and it would take me days to tell you the full story."

"But isn't that the way it's supposed to be?" Rey argued. "To really, truly know how you feel before you jump into anything?"

"Sometimes," Valara looked at her for a long moment. "But you're young Rey, and there's a difference between caution and fear. You have a young man over there who clearly adores you, who has risked his life for you, who sat at your sickbed - and who went with you to confront your heartless, deluded mother even though he didn't agree with it. And if you don't feel anything for him but friendship, that's fine, I'm sure he will be a wonderful friend to you."

Rey bit her lip and looked down at her hands. She had no doubt of her mother's words, that's how she and Finn had been for weeks - in a holding pattern, neither willing to overstep the bond they'd already formed.

"I do feel something more," she said quietly, and Valara leaned in to hear her better. "It's hard to explain, but…"

"I know." Valara smoothed down Rey's hair, smiling.

"But what if it ruins everything?" Rey looked back up, suddenly anxious. "What if it all goes wrong, and then we can't go back to being friends?" Above all, she didn't want to lose him.

"Sometimes that's a risk you have to take," Valara said. "With your father - I kept him at a distance, then I pushed him away, and so we lost years we could have spent together. You've led such a solitary life, Rey, I know it's hard to admit that you might need someone else, even if it's only their affection. And I'm not advising you to act recklessly, although I certainly know that can't be helped." She touched her prosthetic hand lightly and gave a wry smile. "Just don't hide your heart away because you fear it will break. It may; you will make mistakes, be vulnerable and get hurt, you might have as many painful memories as good ones, but at least you'll never ask yourself _what if_."

Rey looked over at Finn, his friends were engaged in a game of holochess and he'd moved to the large viewing window which gave them an outlook to the stars. Her heart fluttered at the dreamy look on his face as he gazed into the night, hands clasped behind his back, his posture perfect. She remembered the joy when he'd found her on Starkiller, the way she'd felt torn asunder crying over his bloodstained body in the snow, the longing on Ahch-to, missing the sound of his voice.

But her mother - she couldn't just abandon her after so long a separation, they'd barely gotten to know each other again. But Valara reached out again to brush back a wayward lock of hair behind Rey's ear.

"I'd stay up all night with you Rey, but to be honest I'm feeling rather tired," she said. "I think I'll find your father and get some rest." She reached forward to embrace her again tightly. "I love you, Rey."

Then she pulled away and rose, walking quickly from the room without looking back. Rey's gaze followed her until Valara was out of sight before scolding herself that she was just wasting time. She'd made up her mind, she should act on it - she'd never had a problem with that before. Steeling herself, Rey stood and stalked over to the window where Finn was stargazing, fists clenched in determination.

"Rey," he grinned at her, and she relaxed. "They said you could see a meteor shower from here, but I haven't found it yet-"

She cupped his cheeks and drew his face down, pressing her lips to his and cutting him off completely. He gave a sound of surprise, but then his arms went quickly around her. Neither of them really knew what to do, but enough was instinctual and Rey gave herself over to it, ignoring the cheers from Finn's friends at the table nearby.

When the kiss ended Finn was smiling but seemed a bit baffled. "What was that?"

Rey shrugged. "Something I've wanted to do that ever since we met."

Finn rubbed his cheek. "Even when you were whacking me with your staff?"

"Well," she added sheepishly, " _almost_ since the moment we met." On the _Falcon_ , surely, when they'd told each other their names and she'd felt an inexplicable tug towards him.

"How's your mother?" he asked, a little awkwardly.

"She's fine," Rey told him. "And I think you know, everything's going to be alright from now on."

"I hope so." Finn leaned in to kiss her again and this time she wasn't so nervous - it felt more natural, the feel of his lips against hers causing a leap in her stomach and a warmth in her cheeks. They were interrupted by lewd encouragement from Finn's friends, and he abruptly pulled away.

"Alright guys lay off," he waved a hand at them.

"Hey, we're just here enjoying intellectual pursuits," one of them said, gesturing the to holochess board.

"You're the one in our vicinity with your PDAs," the other waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Finn rolled his eyes. "Let's get out of here." He tugged on Rey's hand and led her from the room. "I think one of the rehab floors have gardens-"

"Look," Rey urged him, ducking out of sight and peeking around the next corridor. It was her parents, obviously Valara had liberated Luke from the Admiral and they were slowly making their way in the opposite direction. Luke's arm was around Valara's shoulders and their heads were ducked together, talking and laughing quietly.

"They look happy," Finn chuckled softly.

"Yeah," Rey sighed happily, turning away and putting her arms around Finn's neck. "They do."


	48. Chapter 48

They stood before each other, husband and wife of over twenty years.  It occurred to Valara that they’d been separated longer than they’d been married, and she wondered if too much had changed in the past fifteen years.  

He was older, grey hair in a shorter style than he’d ever worn previously, but Valara found it rather suited him, as did the carefully trimmed beard.  His face was lined with long-settled scars and age but still handsome, and his eyes - his eyes were as blue and piercing as ever, a thousand emotions and thoughts dancing behind them as they stood in silence.    

Most of her focus since waking had been on Rey.  Her daughter.  Valara’s heart still ached from all the years that had been stolen for them, and had kept close to her, talking quietly about Rey’s life and finding her father again, meeting her friends in the Resistance.  Every now and then Valara had reached forth to tuck a flyaway strand of hair behind Rey’s ear, like she used to do when she was small.  Rey had smiled up at her - that wide, familiar smile that broke Valara’s heart from equal parts pain and happiness.  

“She has your smile,” Luke said, stepping forward cautiously and running his thumb over Valara’s lower lip in a way that made her belly leap.  He’d heard her thoughts, of course, and for now Valara was grateful that she didn’t have to voice them.

She hoped she’d given Rey the right advice, ill-suited as she was to it, but Valara hadn’t wanted her daughter to make the same mistakes she had.  But she also knew she couldn’t hold Rey too tightly despite their years apart, she wasn’t the five year old Valara remembered who needed to be carried when the legs got tired.  And a part of her had been aching for Luke for hours, anxious to be alone with him – once she’d found Luke it hadn’t taken much convincing for him to take her back to the quarters he’d been assigned. 

In fact, it hadn’t taken any convincing at all, Luke taking her hand in his with no hesitation.  Rey had been the same way, so freely giving of affection that it almost beguiled the years she’d spent on Jakku. 

“She has your heart,” Valara responded, pressing the palm of her hand against his chest as she felt tears forming behind her eyes.  “She’s wonderful.”

“Yes, she is.”  Luke’s face split into a wide grin, but Valara began to cry, hot tears spilling into her cheeks.  “What is it?” he asked, taking her face in his hands.

“It’s just...we tried so hard to make a better life for her,” Valara said.  “But in the end she grew up alone, just like we did.”  She recalled her harsh words when her mind had still been trapped, saying how strong Rey’s harsh life had made her, as if that was something to be desired.  She’d been such a fool.     

Luke folded her into his embrace, and Valara gasped at the sense memory of it, the way he stroked her hair and rocked her gently in his arms.  How could she have ever forgotten this, she wondered. How had she lived all those years convinced that her dreams of his embrace were just that, believed the lies Snoke had planted in her mind instead of trusting the pull to him that no amount of brainwashing had been able to erase?

“She survived,” Luke reminded her.  “And it didn’t break her – she’s so kind, so determined.  She wouldn’t stop until we found you.”

“And then I disappointed her.”  All her life, she would regret that.  “And don’t say it wasn’t my fault, I don’t want you to ever say that about anything I did.”

Luke nodded, as always understanding.  “But she loves you anyway,” he assured her.  “And I love you, V.” 

It was those words that finally broke her, that soft, familiar endearment that reminded Valara just how much she had missed him.  She lifted her head and grasped for his face, pulling him into a kiss they had both waited years for.  His lips were exactly the same, parting under hers as warm memories flooding back; she’d kissed him thousands of times in her life but after so long she drank him in, reluctant to pull away. 

But she finally did, although keeping her arms locked around his neck as they shared each other’s breath.  “Luke,” she whispered.  “I love you.  I _need_ you.”

He hesitated, turning his face when she leaned up to kiss him again.  “Are you sure?” he asked, his brow creasing.  “I don’t want to rush you.”  His light fingers trailed down her temple.  “If you wanted to wait…”

She shook her head vehemently.  “No, I know my own mind now, and I’ve waited long enough.  Unless…” She pulled back slightly to regard him.  “You want to wait?  I suppose there’s some small chance I’m not completely free.”

“Do you believe that?” 

She had once, as she’d confided in him during the Rebellion, a conversation he’d reminded her of when he’d been trying to bring her back.  She’d pushed him away because she thoughts he was a danger to him, she feared that she didn’t have complete control over herself.  Those fears had been realised in the worst way but Valara found she no longer felt any fear.

“No,” she said, meeting his gaze directly.  “But I’d understand if you had…reservations.”

“When you came to me that night,” Luke traced her cheek, “wanting to kill me but kissing me instead, it wasn’t fear that made me put a stop to it.  Even then, knowing that you hated me, I believed you wouldn’t kill me.”

Valara bit her lip and glanced down sheepishly.  “To be fair I was planning on just killing you afterwards.”

Luke laughed and touched her cheek, drawing her eyes back up.  “But still, I felt enough of you remained that you wouldn’t go through with it.”

“But I almost did,” she whispered, running her hands lightly over his neck.  The red marks and bruising had faded but she would always see them there, always remember that she had closed her hands around his throat and had not stop squeezing despite his pleas.  Valara shuddered. 

“Don’t think about that.”  Luke kissed her again, drawing her close as if to banish the memories entirely.  “I’m here now, I’m alive, and I want you too.”

The words were so joyous and light Valara felt all the burdens of her heart lift away, as if nothing mattered but her and Luke in that moment.  They moved as one through the room and tumbled down onto the bed, kisses still light and exploratory.  Luke pulled away first, lifting himself up on his forearms to look down at her.  

“Valara, I love you,” Luke told her, hand brushing lightly through her hair.  “When I lost you-”

“Shhh.”  Valara pressed her fingers to his lips.  “Later.”  She stroked the whiskers on the side of his mouth, the grey hair coarse and wiry.  “I never imagined you with a beard.”

“It was easier, when you were gone,” Luke explained.  “As time passed and I couldn’t find you, I stopped caring about a lot of things – stopped paying attention, I guess.  I’ll shave it off,” he promised.

“No,” Valara told him, rubbing his chin and delighting at the prickly feeling.  “I like it.”  She let her touch drift down to the loosened collar of his tunic.  “I _don’t_ like these robes,” she said and winked at him.  “Better get rid of them.”

Luke chuckled.  “Happy to oblige,” he said, lifting off the bed for a moment to remove his boots and outer tunic, his cloak having already been discarded as they’d entered the apartment.  “Better?” he asked, laying back down beside her and framing her face with his hands.

Valara ran her hand down his chest, still covered by a white undertunic and shrugged.  “Getting there.”

But Luke was already leaning in to kiss her neck and Valara craned her head backwards to give him access.  His mouth was hot and wet on her skin, feeling like the first blaze of a fire after a lifetime in snow.  Anticipation leapt in her belly and Valara’s fingers wound through Luke’s hair, sighing his name as newly discovered memories became reality.  

“I used to dream about you,” Luke murmured against her skin, kissing a path down her neck.  “All alone on that island, I would dream that you weren’t gone - that somehow we would be together again.”  He began to unbutton her shirt, lips trailing over each centimetre of skin he exposed.  “I never thought it would happen.”

“Luke…”  Valara pulled him back up to her, kissing him fiercely.  “It’s real,” she whispered against his lips, lifting up slightly so he could pull off and discard her shirt.  “I’m real.”

He unhooked her bra and cast it aside, and for a moment Valara stilled, looking up at him looking down at her.  She was older than him, she reminded herself, and her body must be so different from what he remembered and dreamed of all alone on that island.  

“You’re beautiful,” Luke breathed, caressing her breast and the gentle pleasure almost made her cry.  “More beautiful than ever.”

“You too,” she told him, tugging at the bottom of his undertunic to bring it up and over his head.  She ran her fingers down his chest, still firm and strong from years of lightsaber practice.  Luke ducked his head, kissing the place between her breasts and then moving downward, over the faint pregnancy stretch marks which had never quite faded, his beard tickling her lightly.  He removed her boots and then her trousers, his intense gaze sending a spike of desire through her.  

Her breath quickened as he slowly pulled her underwear down her legs, his blue eyes darkened with lust.  “Do you remember this?” he asked as he kissed his way up her thigh, parting her legs as he reached his destination.  When his mouth pressed against her Valara cried out, his warm tongue welcome and familiar.  

“Yes,” she moaned.  “A little different,” she added at the scratch of his beard against her thighs.  “But...oh!”

He didn’t respond, his mouth occupied as Valara bucked her hips against him, her hand winding through Luke’s hair.  She remembered the first time he’d done this to her in his quarters on Hoth, when they’d both been so young and foolish and unable to deny their desire for one another.  A desire that had never gone away, and now came back in full force as Luke reacquainted himself with her, his mouth and tongue exploring familiar territory as if for the first time, quickly rediscovering what gave her the most pleasure.    

“I used to dream of you too,” she told him between pitched breaths as he thrust his tongue inside of her.  “Even when I hated you, I couldn’t stop thinking about you…” her words trailed off into a moan as he increased his efforts, hand grasping her thigh to lift it upward, mouth and tongue following to press against where she wanted him most.   

Valara looked down, his head buried between her thighs, earnest in the exercise of bringing her to climax.  His mouth encircled her engorged bud and then sucked on it hard, making her throw her head back against the pillow and cry out as she was sent careening towards the edge.  Valara grasped the sheets as Luke pressed her into the mattress and lifted her thighs higher, tongue moving faster against her as the pressure became too much.

His name spilled from her lips as she fell over the edge, whole body shaking as waves of pleasure washed over her.  Luke looked up at her, eyes blazing and lips wet, his desire open and plain.  He seemed to know what she wanted without her needing to say it, quickly divesting himself of his remaining clothing before laying back down beside her again and kissing her gently.  

Valara let herself explore him with her hands, running her fingers lightly over his face as Luke’s eyes fluttered closed.  Then his chest, cataloguing the new scars and teasing his male nipples slightly before pressing her hands against his abdomen, pleased when his muscles clenched.

“Valara,” Luke whispered, saying her name like a prayer as her hand moved lower, taking his thick staff gently in her hand.  “I’ve missed you so much.”  He licked his lips and moaned as she slowly began to stroke him, and she thought sadly that he hadn’t had anyone to touch him like this in years – how lonely he must have been.  If it had been anything compered to her own longing, she was anxious to make up for lost time. 

She kissed him again, their tongues sliding together as he pressed her back into the bed.  Spreading her legs to accommodate him, Luke covered her body with his own, opening his eyes to look down at her.  There was such love in his gaze it took Valara’s breath away, and she knew she’d been stupid to think anything could have changed between them.  Desire for him quickly built again even as her release still thrummed through her, so desperate to be with him completely.         

When he entered her Valara cried out in relief, clutching at Luke’s back and trying to draw him deeper inside of her.  When he began to move it was the most exquisite pleasure she had ever known, heightened by all the years they’d had to wait.  

“I love you Luke” she whispered in his ear, wrapping her legs around him and hips lifting to meet his thrusts.  “I love you.”  As they came together she knew they were truly one and nothing, not time or distance or even loss of memory, could change that.  

He drew himself up on his forearms, the position allowing him to angle deeper inside of her and Valara gave a pitched cry, urging him on.  He made love to her with the energy of a man half his age and Valara had no trouble keeping up, her hands kneading his back and rear, pulling him deeper still.  

“Valara.” Luke grunted and swore as his thrusts became harder and more erratic, both of them teetering on the edge.  

She tensed, his rare use of profanity setting off sparks in her core.  All it took was one final look, that feral look in his eyes that was for her and her alone, and one final thrust to send her over the edge.  Valara bit her lip hard, tasting blood as she came again violently, throwing her head back against the pillow and screaming.  

Luke thrust into her one last time, a strangled cry of triumph as he stilled and then collapsed on her.  But we welcomed his weight, still in a daze of bliss as he buried his face in her neck and held onto her tightly.  Valara stroked his damp hair softly, out of breath but utterly sated.  They lay entwined together for some time, and a part of her had missed this, the closeness and intimacy of the time following release. 

“So,” Luke said eventually, his voice husky.  “As good as your dreams?”

Valara laughed softly.  “Better.”

“Worth the wait?”  He shifted and lay down beside her, hands idly tracing her side. 

“I’d rather not wait so long again,” she said, only managing half a smile. 

“”At the risk of setting a high standard I’m unlikely to be able to reach after tonight,” he grinned, his hand ghosting over her breast.  “I don’t think you’ll have to wait too long.”  His fingers brushed against her nipple which rose under his touch.

“Really?  She leaned in to kiss him.  “Pretty impressive for an old man.”

“I’d be careful about throwing around the word _old_ ,” he chided her, leaning forward to nip the flesh of her breast.  Valara gasped and pushed him away, laughing.     

“Okay, okay.”  She held up her hands, conceding.  “Just impressive, then.”  It felt so normal, just to tease one another, to feel like lovers again.  Valara shifted closer and Luke put his arms around her.  She put her hand on his chest, over his heart. 

“Kiss me,” he said, and she was happy to comply. 

 

* * *

 

It was mid-morning when Luke awoke, and although Valara stirred next to him she did not awaken as he dressed.  She looked so peaceful he didn't want to disturb her rest, but rather than head straight out to find Leia he stopped by the medbay to check in with Doctor Kalonia, who advised him to let Valara rest.  Her mind had been through severe trauma and would likely need time and sleep to fully recover, so Luke took Kalonia's advice and so rather than return straight away he headed towards the hangar and took a shuttle over to the command vessel. 

It was late afternoon when he returned to the medship and his quarters but Valara was still in bed, and Luke divested himself of his clothes before slipping in beside her.  She stirred at his presence, turning around in his arms and blinking at him groggily. 

“How long have I been asleep?” she asked, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. 

“All day.”  Luke pushed the hair back from her forehead and pressed a kiss there.  “I’m sorry I left, but I thought you could use the rest.”  She had looked so peaceful sleeping when he’d woken up that morning, he hadn’t wanted to disturb her.  He’d gone to Doctor Kalonia just to check, who hadn’t seemed concerned and thought that it was likely Valara needed a good sleep to help heal her mind.

“Where did you go?” Valara asked, quickly becoming more alert. 

Luke let out a pained sigh.  “Let’s just say I remember why we used to live half a galaxy away from the government.”

“That good, huh?”  Valara rubbed his back sympathetically. 

“Wedge wants to weaponise my Jedi,” Luke said, running a hand through his hair.  “Commission them as Resistance commanders and send them out wherever the First Order has forces.  I can see the logic in it, especially after our success on Corellia, but I reminded him that didn’t work out so well in the Clone Wars.”

“But your Jedi aren’t like those of the Old Republic,” Valara reminded him.  “I hate to agree with Antilles, but if they’re visible among the Resistance forces they could inspire others to join the cause.”

“But they’re not really my Jedi anymore,” Luke said wistfully.  “I left them, sent them out into the galaxy to forge their own paths.  They’ve trained their own apprentices, fought their own fights – and that’s what I wanted, if not exactly how.”

Valara took his hand, interlocking her fingers with his.  “What does Leia think?”

“She wants to attack Coruscant – Poe’s really got the underground going and she think with Snoke weakened by losing Ben and Phasma we should launch an assault before he can regroup.”

“Snoke isn’t weakened by anything,” Valara said, her voice hard.  “He always had contingencies, and he never trusted anyone else with too much power.”

“Maybe you can address the council.”  Luke kissed her knuckles.  “When you’re feeling up to it.”

“I will.”  Valara nodded, and he didn’t for a moment doubt her resolve.  “I should go see Rey too.”  She made a move to rise but Luke gently pulled her back down and into his arms. 

“I spoke to her,” he said, lips brushed over her hairline.  “Said you needed to rest but that we’d see her tomorrow.  I wanted to keep you to myself for a little while longer.”  He pulled her closer and Valara smiled. 

“Is she…happy?”

Luke chuckled, turning Valara’s face towards his to see the blush spread across her cheeks.  “Do you mean are she and Finn acting like a couple of teenagers in love?”

Valara bit her lip but it couldn’t stop her grin.  “Isn’t that what they are?”

“And I take it you had something to do with that.”  He kissed the corner of her mouth.

“I told her to follow her heart,” Valara said.  “Like I should have done.”

“Well I’m glad her heart is inclined Finn’s direction,” Luke said, thinking of the way they’d been with each other when he’d seen them, shyly holding hands and sharing secretive smiles.  “He’s a good man.”

“And here I thought you’d turn into a typical, overprotective father.”  Valara poked him in the side playfully.  “Afraid you’re going to lose your little girl so soon after finding her.”

Luke shook his head, unable to keep from smiling at how light and unburdened Rey had seemed.  “I just want her to be happy.”

“Are _you_ happy?” Valara asked with uncharacteristic shyness, reaching up to touch his face. 

“I have my family back,” Luke told her, gazing into her deep eyes.  “I am happy…beyond description.”

She closed the space between them, pressing her lips against his and he felt her own happiness spread through their connection in the Force.  He reached out to her mind and she allowed him in, filling any remaining gaps in her memory with his own, sharing the warmth of their hearts.  The fight wasn’t over, and perhaps there was more heartbreak in their future, but for the moment, in each other’s arms, there was only bliss. 

 


	49. Chapter 49

_Isolation quarters, General Organa's flagship, Resistance fleet_

Valara wasn't sure why she'd come. To see Leia, ostensibly, to reconcile with her sister in law and speak privately before she was subjected to an appearance before Resistance Command. It just so happened that Leia spent most of her waking hours outside the holding cell which kept Kylo Ren a prisoner. It was much like the one which had held Valara under the surface of Chandrila, a bare interrogation room with basic facilities, and a two way mirror which allowed observation of the prisoner.

Leia stood before the glass with her arms crossed, watching her son as he sat very still on the sleeping cot against the far wall. Kylo Ren glowered, his lank hair falling into his eyes and looking almost boyish in green fatigues. The black he'd favoured must have been taken away, no doubt because it was covered in his own - and Rey's - blood.

Clamping down on a surge of anger which rushed through her at the thought of him severing her daughter's hand, Valara watched Leia for a moment. The General had watched her like this, when Valara had been confined to a cell - she'd never seen her but had known she was there, could feel Leia's presence like a mountain on the periphery. She held that power even when simply dressed in a Resistance uniform without insignia, her greying hair held up in a high bun on the back of her head. It was much what Valara had expected, although she remained unsure of her welcome.

But then Leia turned and a small smile crept onto her face, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she held out her arms. Valara went into Leia's embrace willingly, overwhelmed with relief.

"Valara," Leia breathed, holding her tight. "My dear sister, I've missed you." Pulling away, Leia held her at arm's length and looked her up and down. "You look better," she added approvingly.

Valara didn't want to think about how she'd looked in her own cell - much like Kylo, she imagined, with the same scowl, the same unwillingness to engage.

"I'm sorry," was all she could say as she pulled away, unable to articulate all the things she was sorry for.

Leia swallowed heavily and waved her hand as if pushing aside the past. "You're here now."

Valara looked through the glass to where Kylo had shifted slightly, like a prey animal does when it picks up a scent. He'd sensed her presence.

"Have you spoken to him?"

"Yes," Leia said, voice thin with fatigue. "We sat in silence for hours, each waiting for the other to speak."

"I came to my senses," Valara said with more confidence than she felt. "Maybe he will too."

Leia turned back to the glass, clearly working herself up to say something but having a difficult time doing so. It was unusual, to see Leia so hesitant, and Valara felt extreme sympathy for her.

"You can ask me anything you like," she prompted gently. "I'll try to answer."

Leia didn't turn around, her gaze was fixed on her son through the glass. "I was wondering how they conditioned you."

The question wasn't unexpected, but it still took a few moments for Valara to gather her thoughts.

"With the stormtroopers they had some kind of machine," she began, "so I suppose they were using that on me too although I didn't realise it. But then I suppose that was part of it, you were less likely to question if you didn't know anything has been done to you. I do remember having this dream sometimes, or what I thought was a dream, of being trapped, walls closing in around me like a tomb. And then pain - so much pain that I think it altered my perception, everything became skewed, with my true thoughts agony and the false memories blessed relief."

Valara blinked, forcing back tears. She felt Leia's soft hand on her arm, and the reassurance of her presence in the Force. In the First Order the dark side had swirled around them constantly, and now she had returned she felt more in tune with the Force than ever before - like bathing in a crystal clear lake and sloughing off the grime that had become like a second skin.

"I didn't know who he was," Valara turned to Leia. "They took that from me too - he always felt familiar but I didn't remember what he'd done."

"Probably a good thing in some ways," Leia said very quietly. Valara nodded - if she'd known then who Kylo was and what he'd done she probably would have killed him, like she'd killed the elder Hux.

"I know he's done terrible things, he's hurt all of us so much." Leia hugged her arms around herself and looked through the glass at Kylo again. "But he's still my son."

"I wish I could tell you it wasn't his fault," Valara said. "That he'd been conditioned to hate you and Luke and everything you believed. To be honest with Snoke I wouldn't rule it out, but I just don't know Leia, I'm sorry."

She remembered that terrible day on Jakku when he'd torn Rey from her arms - still just a child himself in many ways, and yet already full of darkness, anger and a lust for power. That had been his choice, there was no way he could have been conditioned by Snoke then...could he? Luke had told her that Snoke had been communicating with him since he was young, in secret, poisoning his mind against his family. It was a world away from how she'd grown up with the Imperial mindset drilled into her and with no other option presented until she'd discovered the Rebellion. Ben's childhood had been the opposite, growing up with love and in light, with the darkness that allure, that forbidden world to discover.

"I asked Kalonia to run the same tests we did on you," Leia said. "But we couldn't get him into the scanner, even when they sedated him the electronics when haywire. Kalonia said there's not much point when he refuses to speak anyway."

"Cracking his skull against the ground probably didn't help," Valara said ruefully, reaching out to take Leia's hand and hoping she didn't pull away. "I'm sorry. I almost killed him."

"But you didn't." Leia squeezed her hand. "Even after everything he'd done."

"You have Rey to thank for that," Valara said. "She stopped me."

"She's a lot like her father."

"Yes." Even through her brainwashing, Valara has been able to see that, and what had irritated her then gave her comfort now.

"But I see you in her as well, Valara," Leia added, squeezing her hand again. "There was so much of you that stayed with her, on Jakku, that helped keep her alive."

Valara wished she could say the same of Leia's son - that he had all the best qualities of her and Han, that he made them proud. But looking over at him again, there was little she could see of his parents, or even of the boy she'd first met on the  _Falcon_ , roughousing with his father. Now she saw every cold-hearted Academy instructor, her Inquisitor colleagues who thought nothing of taking as many lives as they could, the First Order officers who sneered and jockeyed for power and position.

"You must hate him," Leia said softly.

"How can I?" Valara said as Kylo stared back at them through the glass. "I was him."

Leia was silent for a few moment, but then she reached out and embraced Valara again, who relaxed into it, grateful beyond measure. That Luke could forgive her was almost a given, it's who he was, but Leia was an unknown quantity and Valara had feared distance from her sister-in-law. Perhaps there was something of guilt in her embrace too, some culpability she felt at what her son had done to all of them.

"Valara, are you really alright?" Leia asked as she pulled away. "I worry about you."

"Kalonia has cleared me."

"You know that's not what I meant," Leia said with reproach. "And I know my brother, he probably thinks that now that you're back all the other problems will just melt away, cured by love alone. But you've been through trauma - you both have - and that doesn't just disappear."

Valara sighed, knowing the truth in Leia's words. "She's also recommended I see a therapist."

"I see." Leia's voice was measured. "Do you think you will?"

"Doctors are always keen to foister you off on other doctors like it's a professional courtesy," Valara grumbled, turning away from Leia and wringing her hands. "They mandated therapy in the Rebellion so I feel like I've talked to hundreds of them without much success."

"I remember," Leia spoke up; being a princess must not have made her immune from regulations. "But, forgive me, back then did you actually listen to them, or let them listen to you?"

"No," Valara admitted with a sigh. "Most of the time we just sat there and stared at each other and my willful silence tended up to win out since they had others to fit into their workday. In the end they all checked me off their list to save time for people who actually wanted their help."

"I was the same," Leia said, and when Valara turned back around her eyes were bright. "After Alderaan was destroyed, they asked me to see someone - but I rarely said anything either, and most had too much respect for my position to challenge me. But I started seeing someone after…". She looked through the window at her son. "Han and Luke were both gone, and I finally wanted to talk but had no one to listen. It was so strange, I'd always been so careful to project a certain image to others - princess, rebel leader, senator - someone for whom personal tragedy cannot break. It was a big thing for me, to open up, and at first I couldn't do it. I started talking just to myself, recording sessions as if I was speaking to someone and them deleting them straight away, out of instinct."

Leia fiddled with the dual-gemstoned ring she wore on her right hand - the one she'd been wearing ever since her marriage. It must be difficult for her to see Valara reunited with Luke and Rey, when her own husband was gone and her son was the cause, and yet Leia was still reaching out to her with compassion, sharing with her secrets she'd long kept hidden.

"It took about a year to finally go see someone," Leia continued, her voice very soft. "And it was difficult, to trust someone I barely knew, perhaps harder than anything I'd ever done."

"After I married Luke I used to tell him things - he was a good listener." Valara remembered those night back on Devaron when they would lay in each other's arms and she would share with him the darkest secrets of her heart.

"He is," Leia nodded, "but he's also your husband. I think it helped, speaking to someone...impartial, for lack of a better word."

Valara saw the wisdom in her counsel - what she had been through the past years had made her upbringing seem quite literally like child's play, and while she trusted her husband implicitly and could always count on his compassion and understanding, perhaps this time she needed something more. She needed to learn how to live with herself again, to trust her own mind and accept what had been done to her.

But she didn't need a therapist's advice to tell her the first step she had to take - that had been obvious even to Valara, and she had to accept as she looked through the glass at the boy who had been the cause of so much pain, the true reason she'd come.

* * *

 It took some convincing, but Leia finally agreed to let her inside Kylo's cell. He stared at her blankly from his spot on the sleeping cot but didn't seem surprised to see her. She took a seat at the table and folded her hands on the top, returning his stare for only a few moments.

"They had me in a room like this," she said, looking around at the stark grey walls. "I sat there, where you are now, just as proud and insolent, just as confident that I was right. It's much nicer on this side," she added conversationally, "not only because I can leave whenever I want."

"So could I," Kylo spoke up, voice croaky from disuse. "If I wanted."

Valara smiled, knowing he'd be unable to resist challenging her. "Go ahead and try it," she goaded him. "I've already beaten you once."

Kylo scowled, gingerly touching the back of his skull where she'd slammed it into the concrete and Valara clamped down on a satisfied smile.

"But let's say for the sake of argument you get past me," she continued. "Your mother's out there, are you going to kill her too? Just how hard will you have to convince yourself that it's necessary, to take the life of the woman who gave you yours, who passed on to you those Force powers you love so much? Just how inhuman do you want to be?"

Kylo folded his arms and leaned back against the wall, oozing insolence. Valara knew it was impossible to get through to him, after all when she'd been in the same situation she hadn't listened either, but for Leia's sake she knew she had to try.

"So add matricide to your list of dark accomplishments," she added. "After that slaughtering every person on this ship would be nothing, and you could return to your precious First Order. Of course, Luke and Rey would still be there to stop you, and maybe you'll be able to overpower Rey, you did on Chandrila after all, but your uncle? The greatest Jedi who ever lived against some cut-rate Vader wannabe?" Valara laughed at the absurdity of it.

"I've beaten him before too," Kylo said petulantly.

"You fooled him," Valara corrected. "Took advantage of his goodness and love for you. You tricked and trapped him, but you never had to guts to actually fight him."

"When I was a boy," Kylo argued. "I've completed my training now - the master of the Knights of Ren, chosen successor to Supreme Leader Snoke." He puffed out his chest, drawing himself up taller but in his unkempt state the effect was more pathetic than impressive. Valara almost felt sorry for him - almost.

"So say you do," she indulged him. "Kill your entire family, ensure that you're the last of the Skywalker bloodline. What then?"

Kylo blinked, it was clear he didn't have an answer, the thought of destroying his uncle such a momentous task that he hadn't considered what would come after.

"Do you think for one moment Snoke would share his power with you?" Valara challenged him. "Do you think you are more to him than a means to an end, a tool to be used and broken and then cast aside?"

"You know nothing," Kylo spat at her. "You don't even know your own mind."

"But I do," she said calmly. "Now that it is my own again."

"Just because you were a pawn does mean I am one," he said, and she could see the defiance in him - Snoke had done his job well, turning the boy regardless of how it had been done. "What would you know, you were hardly the Supreme Leader's confidant. More like a vicious pet he had trained to heel."

The words stung if only because of the truth in them. "Perhaps," she agreed. "But I watched, and listened, and now I remember everything from my time in the First Order as well as before. I know who he really is - do you?"

Kylo scoffed, leaning back against the wall of his cell again. "If you're trying to trick me into giving away information you're doing a poor job of it."

Valara crossed one leg over the other and leaned back in her chair, mimicking his posture. "Very well, let me prove myself. I know that Snoke is older than the Sith, who came long after him. I know he is older than the Jedi, but that their birth foretold his death. Is that what he told you? That he came before either and therefore his knowledge was so much greater? Perhaps he did not tell you that he spent many thousands of those years trapped under the sands of Jakku, bound and imprisoned by the first Jedi."

Kylo continued to stare at her, and it was impossible to know whether the information was new to him or not - he'd always been good at concealing his true thoughts. After all, that was how he'd fooled them all.

"Does the name Nellith Skywalker mean anything to you?" Valara asked him, and finally that got a reaction. There was a moment of confusion that passed over his face before he could hide it. "It should," she added, a pang in her heart remembering how Luke had related the story to her. At first she'd been glad that all those years Luke had spent searching planet and archives had finally yielded answers, but knowing that her daughter now carried the knowledge - and burdens - of her ancestors made her heart fit to break.

"Someone as obsessed with legacy as you should know her name. She was the first Skywalker, the first Jedi, and she was the one who defeated Snoke on Jakku, where he lay buried beneath the sands until awoken by the Empire. It's starting to make sense now, isn't it?" Valara leaned forward, leaning her elbows on the table. "Why Snoke is so obsessed with your family - not only because they are Jedi, but a revenge sought that is so old and dark it must be obtained at all costs."

"The Emperor knew not he had uncovered, and Snoke was patient. By then your grandfather had already pledged his allegiance to the Sith and destroyed his former brethren. But like so many before him by the time Snoke realised who your uncle was it was too late - he was a Jedi and in so many ways the heir of his old adversary, in possession of an incorruptible soul. Just as he could never defeat Nellith, Snoke knew he could never defeat Luke - at least not directly."

Valara could see it now, the seed of doubt forming in Kylo's mind as he turned away - he did not believe her, could not let himself believe her, but the question was there all the same. A crack had formed in the wall of his defiance, and if the correct force was implied, the whole thing could come tumbling down.

"I'll tell you something else I know about Snoke," Valara said, her voice hushed. "The body he inhabits is weak - you must know this too, you must have seen how he has deteriorated over the years. Of course he could choose a new host at any time so what is he waiting for... _who_  is he waiting for?"

It was the fear which had threatened to envelop her ever since she'd realised Snoke's dark intent.

"But why not choose you, I'm sure you're wondering," Valara taunted him. "You are a Skywalker after all, and even though you have renounced the name the same blood still flows through your veins. Perhaps you think it because Snoke honours you, that you are too strong-willed for him to inhabit, that he intends to consume her but let you rule with him. If so you are a fool."

Kylo's head jerked up at the accusation, eyes narrowing and his jaw visibly clenched. "Then you should thank me," he said through clenched teeth, "for hiding her from him."

Valara laughed bitterly. "You won't get any thanks from me," she said, but this time as she looked at him she saw past the man consumed with hate and ambition to the child he'd once been; confused and alone. She sobered, her voice softening. "But you will get an apology."

He blinked, she had surprised him. But then suspicion clouded his face, he did not trust her, assumed that it was a trick.

"I'm sorry...Ben," she said, forcing herself to use his true name. "I wish I had been kinder to you as a boy, that I hadn't let fear and mistrust guide me. I should have reached out for you when I saw the dark grasping for your heart, not pushed you away. My only defence is that I was ill-equipped to be part of a family, and held too tightly to Luke and Rey not realising that I needed to pull you close too. So for any part I have played in bringing about this sorry conclusion, I apologise. Truly."

Valara could see that she had not reached him, if anything his glance in return mocked her apology but his acceptance was not the reason she had made it. She needed to lay her own culpability bare, not excuse his actions but admit her own, and let go of the anger she felt at him. Forgiveness could be freeing, Luke had told her, and she finally understood what he had meant for while Ben glowered and rejected her words, she felt lightened by them. She would not seek revenge, not continue the cycle she had been trying to break free from her entire life - she would be released from it forevermore.

"You weren't the reason I did any of it," Ben claimed, but the lie was obvious. "I made all my own choices - I let Rey live because that was how I wanted it, I turned against Luke because he was weak, I joined Snoke because he had the most to offer, and I killed my father because he was standing in my way." He lifted his chin, and the darkness swirled within him once more. "I'm not brainwashed either, if that's what they all think."

"How would you know?" Valara challenged him. "Luke said you thought your grandfather had been talking to you since you were a boy - surely by now you must know that it was Snoke. And if he's been in your head whispering secrets, how do you know that he wasn't doing anything else why he was rattling around up there - influencing you, changing you?"

Ben seemed to shrink back into himself slightly - she'd touched a nerve. "No," he shook his head.

"And even if he wasn't," Valara pressed on. "Even if everything terrible thing you've done has been of your own free will, it won't matter to your family. Your mother and uncle, they still love you, they will still forgive you - there's always a way back."

"And you?"

"Me? I'll understand you." Valara stood slowly, looking down at him on the bunk with what she opened was solidarity. "Because I too have done terrible things of my own free will."

She left the room, leaving Ben to his thoughts which she hoped were beginning to turn against the darkness which had consumed him for years. Leia was waiting for her, turned away from the viewing window with tears wet on her face, and Valara wondered how long she'd been holding them in. She reached for her sister, embracing Leia tightly and rubbing her back as she cried out all of her sorrow and pain.

When she glanced over Leia's shoulder, Valara could see Kylo standing at the two-way mirror, staring through the glass. For a moment their eyes seemed to meet even though Valara knew it was impossible, but she forced herself not to flinch lest Leia notice. She simply stared at Kylo through the glass, willing him to see his folly and return to his family's embrace, not only for his mother's sake, but for all those who fought the First Order and could not afford to remain his enemies.

 

* * *

  

_Convalescence quarters, Medship_

"Valara!"

A blur of pink and purple bounded across the room and caught her in a tight embrace, almost knocking the breath right out of her. She returned the hug with fondness and relief.

"Laisha." Valara pulled back to look at the Togruta who'd once been her closest friend on Devaron. "Look at you." Laisha's purple lekku reached down to her waist, and her face held maturity and experience. As it should, Valara told herself, it had been almost twenty years since Laisha had left the Temple a Jedi Knight, off to seek her lost sisters.

"I wanted to come see you sooner," Laisha said with a bright smile. "But they said you weren't allowed visitors, I was worried."

"I'm fine," Valara assured her. No doubt Kalonia had tried to forestall visitors in order to give her privacy with Luke and Rey. "It's good to see you."

Laisha ducked her head self-consciously. "They said you had your sight back, I wondered if you'd recognise me."

"Of course." Valara appraised her. "I'd know your presence anywhere." She looked over Laisha's shoulder to see a tall woman loitering by the door - someone Valara certainly didn't recognise.

"Oh, this is Merani," Laisha explained, gesturing the woman forward who smiled nervously. Valara looked her up and down, her natural instinct as always to be wary although it was obvious Laisha was anxious she like her.

"Hello Merani," Valara did her best to sound welcoming although it hardly came naturally to her. "I see you are a Jedi."

Mernai blushed and looked down at her clothes which were stylish and certainly not traditional robes. "You can tell?"

"Valara is very perceptive," Laisha touched her companion on the shoulder. "Merani was my apprentice, and together we've founded a small Temple out in the 'Rim."

"I'd love to hear about it," Valara moved to one of the couches littered across the room and sank down onto it. It was pleasant, to catch up with her old friend and see how far she'd come. When Valara had known her she'd been still a girl in so many ways, fearful of the dark side and unsure of her own abilities. That had been replaced by an easy confidence and faith as a leader of the small community she'd built. She'd even found one of her sisters after many years of searching, and to hear the story of their reconciliation gave Valara such happiness, knowing how long Laisha had wanted to find her family.

Merani was mostly quiet except when addressed, clearly intimidated by Valara about whom she'd heard so many stories. But it was pleasant all the same, to feel normal again, to be among friends who did not judge her nor probe too deeply into the years she'd spent in the First Order. She was due to appear before the Resistance Council the following day and could not expect the same treatment, so she relished the easy company.

Laisha was always through telling her all about the new apprentices when Rey wandered into the room, clearly looking for her.

"Mum?" Rey asked cautiously, clearly surprised to see her in company when she was meant to be resting. Laisha, however, gave the girl a broad smile.

"Rey," she said. "You probably don't remember me, I left the Temple when you were very young."

"Nice to meet you," Rey said, twining her hands together. "I can come back later…"

"No, come sit down," Valara told her, shifting to make a space for her on the couch. She didn't want to pass up any time with her daughter. "I see you've disengaged yourself from Finn for a few hours."

Rey blushed and ducked her head. "He had duties, Aunt Leia's commissioned him a sergeant."

Valara wanted to know more, but wasn't about to embarrass Rey, flush as she was in the bliss of new love. "So he's not going to continue training with you and Luke?"

"He is," Rey nodded. "But for now he thinks the fight against the First Order is more pressing, and he can do more in the Resistance forces rather than with the Jedi."

"We would be glad to have him with us," Laisha spoke up. "I understand from Luke that he has great potential."

"I've told him that," Rey looked down at her hands. "Tried to convince him to come with us - wherever they decide the Jedi should go."

"Wherever the fighting is the thickest," Laisha said with a grin, "and the need is the greatest, that's where we must go."

Valara didn't envy Luke the struggle he would have to keep his Jedi from being absorbed into the Resistance forces. "Finn's also been of great assistance to your Aunt Leia," Valara told Rey softly, taking her hand. "She'd seen great potential in him too, and although most men would probably like to be so sought after, I think being torn between conflicting duties would only cause Finn undue anxiety. He needs to make his own choices now, without pressure from either side, because it's the first time in his life he's been able to do so."

Rey bit her lip, long lashes shielding her eyes as she kept her gaze lowered. "Is it wrong to want him with me?" she said so quietly Valara almost didn't hear her. "You told me not to hold myself back, and now you're saying I should do the opposite?"

Glancing over to where Laisha and her friend were starting to look uncomfortable, she nodded that they should go and said she'd catch up with them at the Jedi gathering the next day. Once they had left the room she turned back to her daughter, gently crooking her index finger under Rey's chin to lift her gaze.

"Finn cares for you, and he's selfless, he will probably put his desires aside if he thinks it will make you happy." She'd seen that when Finn had been in trooper training, the tendency to downplay his own abilities, to take an undeserved reprimand to prevent another from suffering it, to always lift up those he felt a kinship with. "A heart like that is precious, and you should never take advantage of it."

Valara brought Rey close and embraced her, although in her periphery she saw Luke enter the room, stopping to lean against the doorframe and watch them.

"Come on in, Red Five," Valara called out to him, releasing Rey and leaning back into the couch. Luke crossed the room and sank down next to her, resting his hand on her knee.

"So who gets to keep that callsign?" Rey asked. "From what you've told me, Mum had it first, and then you Dad. Maybe I should take it," she added with a grin. "Keep the family tradition alive."

Beside her Luke smiled, but Valara felt her stomach roil as she realised the danger Rey was in - the last few days had been a beautiful haze but reality threatened to close in on them and there was every chance she would lose them both again.

"Rey." Valara reached out, tucking that troublesome strand of hair behind Rey's ear. "I don't think it's a good idea to be in the thick of things right now."

A deep crease formed between Rey's eyes. "What do you mean? You heard Laisha, the Jedi need to go where they're most needed."

"You're not a Jedi yet," Valara reminded her. "You've only been training a few months."

Rey pulled away from her, and Valara could see that she'd activated the Skywalker resistance. "That didn't stop Dad from fighting during the Rebellion," she argued. "And he didn't have a proper teacher for years. I've got the knowledge of a thousand Jedi in my head!"

"Exactly," Valara reached for her hand again but Rey shucked out of her grip and stood. "As much as Snoke wanted you before, you're an even greater prize now," she said to Rey's tensed back. "I guarantee he's counting on your overconfidence, and will send every force he has left after you."

"So better to meet him headon," Rey said as she turned around, fists clenched in defiance. "I'm not going to hide away and let other people fight my battles for me."

"I'm not asking you to," Valara tried to keep her voice even, rising to her feet to stare Rey down. "But advising caution."

"There's no place for caution when people are dying," Rey srgued, looking to her father for support but Luke sat very calmly on the couch, clearly not ready to intervene.

"Rey you're still young." Valara shook her head. "You don't understand and I don't want you to learn the hard way. There will always be people dying, and you can't help them all nor fight every battle. Even a Jedi has to choose how they can be of the most use, not let their heads run away with them and get themselves captured or killed so they can help no one at all."

"But you're not a Jedi, are you?" Rey snapped. "So how would you know?"

"I'm your mother," Valara entreated, her voice wavering.

"But you look at me like I'm still five years old," Rey said with a scowl. "You just told me to let Finn make his own choices but you won't let me make mine, but you don't know what I'm capable of because you've missed fifteen years of my life - and I know that's not your fault, but you have no idea what I had to do on Jakku just to survive and how far I've come since then, you don't understand how ready I am." She turned to Luke again. "Dad - tell her!"

Valara put her hands on her hips and looked down at Luke on the couch as he stroked his beard, no doubt to stall for time.

"Can't we discuss this later?" he said eventually, ever the peacemaker. "Can't we just enjoy our time together for a little bit longer?"

"The fleet will mobilise soon," Rey argued, "Finn told me there's a council meeting tomorrow."

Valara herself had been summoned to appear before the council, where no doubt her fate would be decided. "Yes, so we have to make our decisions now."

"It's not _our_  decision, it's mine," Rey said hotly, hands on her hips. "And I choose to fight, and if Finn doesn't want to come with me I'll go with him, I'm sure they'll give me a starfighter. Or I'll fly the  _Falcon_ , she's pretty good in a battle. The only thing I won't be doing is staying here, and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

Valara was reminded of when Rey had stood before her in the cell below Chandrila, just as defiant, just as determined to do the right thing. It was what had finally broken through the brainwashing, the knowledge that Valara couldn't let her daughter die, that she would give her own life for Rey's a thousand times over. That was still true, and she would gladly fight in Rey's place if it kept her safe and out of Snoke's clutches, but it was clear that was unacceptable to Rey. Valara stared at her daughter but was unwilling to give in, she wished she knew how to explain to Rey that her life was more important, that sometimes she needed to let others right for her, but didn't know how.

Rey held her gaze; perhaps this had worked on her father, who was more willing to seek compromise but Valara couldn't change her stubborn core no matter how far she'd mellowed in other aspects. Perhaps Rey realised this as they continued to stare at one another, neither willing to break. Her lower lip tremored almost imperceptibly, but then she lifted her chin as her mouth pulled into a firm line/

"You can't stop me," she said again, before turning on one heel and stalking out of the room.

Valara exhaled harshly and looked at Luke with accusation. "Thanks for your support."

"What did you want me to do?" he asked, his voice soft in that damned reasonable tone. "Threaten to lock her up?"

His calmness only irritated her further. "You never could say no to her," Valara accused him. "Even when she was a little girl, you always let her climb trees or eat chocolate or stay up late.  _Don't tell your mother_ , you said, but I knew anyway - I thought it was so cute back then." She shook her head and let out a derisive huff, starting to pace to room. "But she's right about one thing, she's not five anymore, she's old enough to think she knows everything, filled with the same reckless hubris of all the Skywalkers before her. You'd think fifteen years alone would have drilled that out of her, made her more cautious, but no, you just can't help yourselves, it's like you see danger and fling yourselves towards it because you think you're the only ones who can."

Luke was unaffected by her rant, the ghost of a smile on his face. "Are you finished?"

"This isn't funny, Luke," she told him, crossing her arms to keep herself from gesturing wildly. "And no, I'm not. She lost an arm and it hasn't slowed her down, and she's got your bloody ancestors in her head egging her on and you haven't exactly discouraged her, letting her run wild learning to be a Jedi through trial and error rather than proper training."

"I see, so this is my fault." Luke rose to his feet and stared her down with the first sign of irritation. "Forgive me for indulging her for wanting to put all our energy into finding you, for giving her the freedom to make her own choices and yes, perhaps her own mistakes rather than keeping her constrained and prone to resentments - her supreme abilities warrant particular training, complicated by the knowledge she now has in her head which must be treated delicately, so it does not overwhelm her."

"Overwhelm her?" Valara looked at him incredulously. "I'm worried about her dying, or worse, being captured and turned into Snoke's vessel, a fate ten thousand times worse than what I've been living through. She's your  _daughter_ , you're meant to protect her, even from herself, even if it makes her think badly of you."

"She's also my apprentice," Luke reminded her, a sharp edge to his voice. "I can't abandon her training and keep her away from the fight just because it would make us feel better."

"You're such a...Jedi," she said distastefully, cursing his calm and rationality given the circumstances they were facing. Not wanting to look at him she turned to leave but Luke caught her arm, gently pulling her back to him. She was angry but allowed him to enfold her in his embrace, unwilling to push him away after so little time back together.

"Fighting again already," he stroked her back, smiling against her hair. "It's like you never left."

"Not up to our usual standard," she teased, "I've lost my touch."

"Your protective instincts are as fierce as ever," he said, taking her face in his hands. "As they should be."

"I just can't lose her again," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Either of you."

"I know." He brushed the hair back from her forehead and pressed a kiss there. "But I don't want her to resent me either. Maybe that's cowardly."

"She doesn't understand how dangerous Snoke is - and I'm not sure you do either."

"Show her," Luke suggested, running his fingers over her temple. "Share with her, and maybe she'll understand."

Valara drew him closer as a shudder of inevitability coursed through her. "Or maybe she'll be even more determined to face him."


	50. Chapter 50

_Temporary living quarters, Medship, Resistance Fleet_

It was dark when Valara awoke, the ship’s day cycle had not yet started. Luke was still asleep; she heard his gentle, even breathing behind her, felt the warmth of his arm as it curled around her waist. She turned gently so not to wake him, and her eyes adjusted to the dark enough so she could make out the lines of his face. Valara had to remind herself that it wasn’t a dream, that he wasn’t the shadowy partner of her dreams or the object of her hatred the past years, but her husband, whose love for her had not diminished not matter how long they’d spent apart.

Of course the utter bliss of being reunited hadn’t lasted long - they were both still who they were after all. But she knew better than to think any of their long-kept love had been diminished because they had quarrelled - if anything it proved they could easily slip back into a semblance of their old lives, unafraid to challenge one another. Her love for him only deepened with the knowledge that he wouldn’t treat her like glass, afraid to upset her given what she’d been through. Pity, in Valara’s mind, was the worst thing he could feel for her.

She reached out gently in the dark, tracing his face with light a light touch, as she used to do when she was blind. He was older, his body had changed and yet he still felt the same to her, tracing remembered pathways across his chest, down his back, leaning her face close to his, sharing the same air.

“And here I thought you were still angry with me,” he murmured, and she felt him smile

“The two aren’t mutually exclusive,” she teased, shifting closer again.

“I remember,” he said, his voice low as she caressed him. Then no further words were spoken as his mouth pressed against hers and his arms closed around her.

Afterwards they lay together until the automatic lights flickered on, far too soon for Valara’s liking. Luke’s arms tightened around her slightly.

“We don’t have to get up just yet,” he told her.

“I know,” she sighed. “But we don’t have long.”

“Do you want to go and find Rey?”

“No.” Valara shook her head. “I’m not quite ready to admit I was wrong yet.”

“You weren’t wong,” Luke assured her. “And neither was she.”

Valara chuckled softly, lifting herself up on one elbow to look at him. “No, you can’t do that, Luke,” she poked him gently in the shoulder. “You can’t make everyone right, from a certain point of view. There’s going to be conflict that you can’t fix, no matter how rational your counsel.”

Luke smiled, playing idly with the loose hair that fell over her shoulder. “Rey is twice as stubborn as either of us, I just don’t want you to lose time with her.”

“I know.” Valara sighed and settled back down, laying her head on his chest as he stroked her back lightly. They lay in silence for several minutes, enjoying what might well be the last peace they would have for a while. But Valara’s mind was still troubled.

“Sometimes I think I should have died with the rest of my team getting the Death Star plans,” she said quietly. “They were all brave, honourable men, and I was a traitor. A commander who lost all those under her command. But I survived then, and a dozen times after that when my luck should have run out - Jakku, Rakata Prime, even when the First Order took me. Is there some greater meaning to it all, or just dumb luck?”

“I don’t know,” Luke shifted to face her, cupping her cheek in one hand. “I’m just grateful you did survive.”

“I am too actually,” she said, gazing deeply into his eyes. “Even after everything that’s happened, all the pain and hurt and sorrow - I’d go through it all again as long as I knew I’d end up here, in your arms.”

“When we got married you told me you’d reached your lifetime sentimentality quota,” Luke stroked her cheek with his thumb and smiled softly. “But it seems you had some left.”

“I’ve been saving it up,” she told him, and closed the space between them again.

But their bliss couldn’t last forever, and Valara felt time slipping away even as she refused to look at the chrono on the wall. She pressed herself close to him, not wanting to let go.

“Do you remember in the Rebellion,” she said, “when one of us had furlough and we’d go find the other even if it meant we only got one night?”

“Of course.”

“I would lay in your arms when morning came, the minutes ticking down until one of us had to leave.” She drew idle patterns on his chest, watching it rise and fall with every breath. “It was a strange mixture of happiness and dread, because our time together was finite, and we never knew if those would be our last moments together.”

He kissed her hair. “And you feel the same way now.”

“It’s worse now,” she said. “The stakes are higher.” It wasn’t just each other's lives they had to worry about, but Rey’s as well - and Leia, and Ben, what was left of their family.

Luke shifted to face her, hands trailing down her back as he pulled her close. “Don’t you think that after everything that’s happened to us, and everything we’ve been through, it proves we will always find a way back to each other? That our family is stronger than anything they can throw at us?”

She smiled and stroked his cheek fondly. “I forgot how much of an optimist you are. I hope you’re right.”

“I usually am,” he grinned, and she drew him down for a kiss.

* * *

   
_Council Room, Resistance command ship_

The chamber were bursting with people, the word had spread throughout the fleet and they had come to witness the testimony of the First Order defector, the wife of the great Jedi Luke Skywalker.

All the seats were taken so Rey stood leaning against the far wall, trying not to draw attention to herself even though that was impossible. Most gave her curious looks and others avoided her gaze, but everyone gave her a wide berth. Rey wasn’t used to attention like that, on Jakku she’d been just another face in the crowd, another scavenger almost indistinguishable from the rest of them with nothing to draw someone’s eye.

It was the complete opposite in the Resistance fleet, where everyone seemed to know who she was, or rather who she was related to. It grated on her, and the attention had increased tenfold since the Battle of Chandrila and her mother’s return, no doubt unsure of where her true loyalties lay or what Rey and Luke would do if the day went badly.

She saw Finn enter the chamber, talking animatedly with Poe who had recently returned from Coruscant. Finn’s eyes scanned the room immediately and Rey smiled to signal him over, relieved to have him by her side no matter what happened.

“Rey!” Poe gave her a charming grin and a bear hug which she accepted with only a slight reticence. “Don’t worry, they’ll all be looking at me now,” he whispered in her ear, and winked as he pulled away.

Finn leaned against the wall beside her, mimicking her posture. “Poe’s been telling me about all the fun he’s had on Coruscant.”

“Yeah, hiding in sewers, running from stormtroopers, jumping from safehouse to safehouse...including those that turned out not to be so safe..” Poe grinned, clearly exhilarated. “It’s been a blast.”

“But are the people with you?” Rey asked, remembering the valiant forces of the Coruscant Civilian Defence making their last stand against the First Order invasion. They’d been slaughtered, with only a few surviving when the retreat had been called. They’d returned with the Resistance forces, and had sought Rey and Luke out to thank them for fighting by their side. It had been difficult for her to accept the praise, knowing she’d abandoned the space fight halfway through to follow Kylo down to the planet’s surface, but her father had told her that when thanks were given they should not be deflected, even if they were misplaced.

“It was fear that let the planet fall,” Poe said, smiling fading as he shifted into soldier mode. “But now they know the Jedi have returned, and that the First Order are shedding troops.” He clapped Finn on the shoulder. “Thanks to Finn here - they hear the stories of the stormtrooper who defied a lifetime of commands, and they’re starting to believe they can do it too.”

Rey felt her heart swell with pride for Finn, happy that others were beginning to see the hero she had sensed the first time they’d met. But she couldn’t help but think perhaps he should have been there with Poe on Coruscant helping fuel the underground movement and bring more First Order troops to their side - instead he’d stayed with her, vigilant by her side until she awoke from her Force-induced coma. She was beyond thankful he had, that they’d had the opportunity to spend time together, act on their feelings that at least on Rey’s side were quickly blossoming into love. But the guilt remained, she knew how important the fight was, and the sooner it was over, the sooner their lives could really start.

“Do you think we could win,” she asked, “if we launch an assault?”

“It’s the one of the only planets they still fully control, at least militarily.” Poe hooked his thumbs through his belt loops and rocked back on his feet. “But I think we’d be in for a fighting chance.”

A murmur went through the crowd, and Rey craned her neck to see the entrance where her parents appeared, Luke in his Jedi robes and Valara in green fatigues, hair pulled back from her face and braided down her back. She did not look around but held her head high as the crowd parted for her and she walked slowly to the middle of the chamber to stand on a round platform. As she stepped onto it the platform lit up in neon blue and a railing rose from the floor to surround her. Valara was unconcerned, resting her hands lightly on the railing and keeping her gaze on the raised bench which presently held four empty seats.

Luke took a seat nearby which someone vacated for him, and crossed one leg over the other. His face impassive; it was clear he was there to support his wife, but not interfere with the proceedings. He seemed unconcerned but Rey felt a small tug of dread in the pit of her stomach.

“What are they playing at?” she whispered to Finn. “I thought they were just going to ask her for information on the First Order.”

“They usually use this room for court martials,” Finn explained, reaching for her hand and squeezing it lightly. “Have you talked to her?”

Rey shook her head. She’d told Finn about the fight they’d had, and he’d been sympathetic but had urged her to try and reconcile with her mother quickly, pointing out just how much it must have hurt Valara to argue so soon after their reunion. But Rey had still been too angry, and afraid that instead of finding a common ground the argument would start anew and she’d say something even worse. But looking at her mother standing alone, she wish she’d taken Finn’s advice.

Valara hadn’t turned to look for Rey, even though she must have known she was there. Finn squeezed her hand again.

“It will be okay,” he assured her. “And no matter what happens, I’m on your side.”

That comforted her, and Rey wanted to return the sentiment but her attention was drawn to the front of the room where the Resistance council members entered; Admirals Antilles, Statura and Ackbar, followed by Leia. They took their seats and the crowd fell silent.

“Valara Skywaker.” Statura addressed her first, as always the image of calm. “Firstly, we wish to thank you for attending us today. We are mindful of the trauma you have suffered and the time you have taken from your convalescence to address this council.”

“Indeed,” Antilles spoke up, unusually formal. “How are you, Madam?”

“Quite well, thank you Admiral,” she replied with an amused smile, drumming her fingers along the railing which surrounded her. “I don't at all feel like I'm in a dock awaiting trial.”

“Madam Skywalker, I think you quite mistake the purpose of this assembly,” Statura cut in, seemingly anxious . “We welcome defectors from the First Order, and are mindful of your...particular circumstances.”

“Nor do we forget your contribution to the Rebellion during the Galactic Civil War,” Ackbar said in his watery voice. “We understand that your time in the First Order was not of your own free will.”

Wedge cleared his throat. “Still, Madam, we do need you to allocate.”

“Admiral, I don't think that's necessary.” Leia spoke up for the first time, and pierced him with a hard look. Rey remembered the tension between Admiral Antilles and her mother, who had refused to tell her the reason why. It was however quite easy to find someone to who knew the story, or at least a version of it - that when Valara had been an Imperial she’d somehow been involved in the death of Wedge’s family. Rey clutched Finn’s hand, worried that the Admiral had nurtured a vendetta against her mother he was finally able to prosecute.

“No, I'm happy to.” Valara held up her hand, and fixed Antilles with a smile. “I think you'll be pleased to find my time in the First Order was less exciting than you'd think, but I will tell you anything you wish to know.”

What followed was several hours of questioning, led mostly by Antilles on the nature of the treatment that she remembered receiving in order to condition her mind, the training she’d given to First Order stormtroopers, details of the armed forces and fleet, any First Order sympathisers she was aware of throughout the Core, and whether she knew of a way to circumvent the reconditioning process.

Rey kept hold of Finn’s hand throughout, especially when Valara willingly described the battles she’d been part of under Snoke’s command, and she hoped that no one in the room had any loved ones on the planets that had been conquered by the First Order. Eventually though, even Admiral Antilles was satisfied, and even thanked Valara for her candor.

“Your information will no doubt be invaluable to our strategy to defeat the First Order,” he said. “And with any luck, we will win the war sooner than we would have otherwise.”

“You’re quite welcome,” Valara said, and almost seemed amused. “If there’s one thing people have always said about me, it’s that I’m here to help.”

Leia smothered a smile with her hand, and there was even a few titters among the crowd from people who probably had known her during the rebellion. The Admirals, however, did not seem as entertained.

“We hope you are,” Statura spoke up. “In fact we would like you to accept a commission.”

For the first time Valara looked surprised. “I’m sorry?”

“You were a fine commander during the Rebellion, Valara,” Ackbar said in a tone that seemed almost affectionate. “We would be grateful to have you fight with us again.”

Valara looked over at Leia, perhaps for support, or an explanation. But none was given, Leia was remaining neutral although she no doubt agreed with her colleagues. Rey was relieved but despite herself hoped her mother would refuse - a command in the Resistance forces would take her away again, put her in danger of being killed or worse - recaptured. Rey had declared that her parents couldn’t stop her from doing what was right, and she had to accept that the reverse was also true.

“Are you alright?” Finn whispered, ducking his head close to hers.

Rey nodded, angry at herself. “I think I understand how she felt now,” she grumbled, her righteous anger of the previous night all but evaporating. Finn put an arm around her and she leaned into him gratefully, looking at her mother who had thus far remained silent.

“You do not need to give us an answer now,” Leia said smoothly. “But please, think about it.”

The railing sunk back into the floor and Valara was dismissed. A seat next to Luke was vacated for her and she seemed quite weary as she sunk into it. He took her hand, and Rey was certain she was the only one who saw the tremor that betrayed either concern or relief - perhaps both.

“Well that’s a tough act to follow,” Poe murmured as she straightened the lapels on his jacket. “But I think I’m the man for the job.” He winked at them as he strode to the centre of the room and took up the place on the platform. The circle around him lit up but the railing did not rise, and Rey saw her mother smirk.

He gave his report of the underground movement on Coruscant, and the council seemed pleased with the intelligence. There was a general discussion about the merits of liberating Coruscant sooner rather than later, whilst the First Order were scrambling following the capture of Kylo Ren and Phasma. Leia hid her distress well, no one who did not already know that Kylo was in fact her son would not have suspected based on her part of the discussion. She argued in Poe’s favour for the attack, but Statura and Ackbar urged caution, seeking to draw more to their side before they launched an assault on the capital.

“The Jedi have returned,” Ackbar argued, nodding to Luke where he sat, and the other Jedi who were located around the room. Rey saw Laisha and her partner against the far wall, smiling with pride as people turned to glance at them. “Perhaps, Master Skywalker, you could give us your counsel?”

Luke rose from his seat and a hush fell over the room. Rey had to admit he looked just like she’d imagined from the stories when she was young, told to her by the Church of the Force - commanding the attention of all present as if they were unable to look away.

“Just like when we fought against the Empire, we do not simply face a cruel regime intent of subjugation,” he said. “But the dark side itself, and I believe we cannot win against the First Order unless we concentrate our efforts on defeating Snoke. But he has been defeated before,” he glanced very briefly at Rey, “and with the Force as our ally we have hope of destroying him once and for all.”

“So surely an attack on his stronghold will give you that chance,” Leia spoke up.

“Perhaps.” Luke stroked his beard, and Rey could sense his hesitation. “But we must not underestimate him, or believe him at all weakened simply because he has lost allies. He is an ancient evil, older than the Sith or Jedi, and far more dangerous a foe than the Emperor ever was.”

Finn squeezed her shoulder. “I have to say something,” he whispered to her before making his way to the centre of the room.

“General Organa,” he said clearly. “If I could address the Council?”

A murmur went through the room, but Poe ceeded his spot on the platform to Finn, and Luke sat back down with an encouraging nod. In fact her father’s smile was so warm that she wondered if he knew exactly what Finn was going to say.

“Well Sergeant?” Antilles addressed him by his new rank. “What do you have to tell us?”

Finn clapped his hands behind his back and looked nervous, but when he spoke his voice was full of confidence. “I have been thinking about my former comrades in the First Order. As Valara told you, many of them are essentially slaves, conditioned into believing that they have no choice but to obey. I was able to break free from their hold, to escape, and I believe that others should be given the chance to do the same.”

“What are you suggesting Finn?” Leia asked, her voice soft.

“Poe said that there have already been defectors on Coruscant,” he explained. “I believe there could be many more, if they given help, if they are shown that it is possible to escape the First ORder. I’d rather free people than kill them.”

“As would we all,” Leia nodded, but Rey could see that she was nervous - her aunt had grown so fond of Finn, and now he wanted to go back into the belly of the beast. Rey also felt her heart sink as Finn outlined his plan - to return to Coruscant with Poe and build the resistance from there, and if he could, infiltrate the First Order forces on the ground and try and encourage mass defection. It was bold, and dangerous, but his argument was convincing and the council was swayed - even Leia - granted approval for the mission to begin as soon as possible.

The session ended soon after and the room became a mill of activity and discussion. Rey wasn’t ready to speak to Finn, too shocked by his plans and a little hurt he had not first discussed them with her. He was deep in conversation with her father and aunt in any case, so instead she made her way over to where her mother was speaking to Laisha.

“Ah, Rey,” Laisha greeted her with a smile. “I was just telling your mother how well she spoke, how brave she was to be honest about what had happened to her.”

“Laisha was shocked I had it in me,” Valara said with amusement. “When I first knew her she had to pry each scrap of information, and I was hardly forthcoming.”

“But that didn’t stop me trying,” Laisha laughed, and touched Valara on the arm. “But I’m grown now, I know when to keep silent, and when to leave.” She turned to Rey. “Your father tells me you’re quite the duellist, I hope we can spar together sometime.”

Rey promised her that they would, and Laisha excused herself but they were alone only moments before Admiral Antilles wandered up, an easy smile on his face. It was one Rey did not return - she glared at the Admiral, folding her arms over her chest.

“Do you want to interrogate my mother further?”

To her surprise, Antilles laughed. “No, I was going to thank her for playing her part.”

Valara touched her arm lightly. “Don’t hold it against Wedge, he did what he had to do,” she told her. “Otherwise people might think I was getting special treatment.”

Rey frowned, looking from the Admiral to her mother. “So it was all an act?”

Wedge chuckled again, and gave Valara a teasing look. “Well I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it, but to an extent. With any luck today’s events will reach those in the First Order, and anyone thinking of defecting will know that no matter who they are, they will be treated fairly, that they can speak freely and it will not be used to trap them, but rather they will be embraced.”

“And you knew?” Rey asked her mother, unsure of how she’d misunderstood things so thoroughly.

“No, but I had an inkling,” Valara said. “I’ve known Wedge a long time, he always liked his little games.”’s

“Not games,” Antilles said more seriously, and touched her shoulder. “Strategy. Think about the commission, V.”

Valara made a noncommittal sound, but smiled as he walked away and there seemed to be no more tension between them. When she turned back to Rey she seemed somewhat lighter, less burdened.

“Come on,” Valara said, winding through the crowd and beckoning Rey to follow her. They made their way back to the convalescence quarters, the scene of their argument the night before.

“I’ve been official cleared, medically speaking,” Valara said, sinking down onto the couch. “Ready for active duty,” she added, with a note of distaste.

Rey kept her feet, shoving her hands into her pockets. “Were you really involved in killing Wedge’s family?” she asked softly, unable to look her mother in the eye.

Valara sighed. “Well I promised I would tell you, I suppose it’s pointless to keep putting it off. Please…” She held out her hand and Rey crossed the room to sit down beside her.

“I was involved in killing the families of many people,” Valara said, taking Rey’s hand in her own. “I’d already defected when Wedge lost his, but I knew who had done it - the Inquisitors who I had once fought with. He came to me seeking information, and I refused him his revenge.”

“So he blamed you?” Rey shook her head. “That doesn’t seem fair.”

“It wasn’t fair of me not to share all the information I had about the Inquisitors with the Rebellion.” Valara cast her gaze down. “I should have gone after them myself, stopped them before they hurt anyone else - if I had, maybe Wedge’s family would still be alive.”

Rey didn’t know what to say - she knew there dark things in her mother’s past, not only from her forced servitude to Snoke, but in her youth that her father had only told her briefly about. She still shuddered thinking about the orphanage they’d visited on Coruscant with the derelict rooms and propaganda posters on the wall.

“Sometimes people never really forgive you for doing awful things,” Valara added wistfully. “But they learn to live with it, and you with them.”

She wondered if she’d ever feel the same about Kylo Ren - whether she could forgive him as Luke and Valara had, despite all the pain he had caused them. Could she live with it, if it meant he renounced his dark choices and sought redemption? But Kylo was no longer her concern, and Rey didn’t want to get distracted.

“But they offered you a commission,” she pointed out. “So he must trust you at least.”

“Yes.” Valara looked back up at her with a sad sort of smile. “You know, I’ve never fought in any war I thought I would live to see the end of - or really wanted to. Back in the Rebellion I was willing to do anything they asked of me, anything I thought would cause as much pain to the other side as possible.”

Rey bit her lip. “And now?”

Valara reached out to stroke her hair. “Now I want to be wherever you are, Rey. I want to fight to protect you, and your father, so that when peace comes we can enjoy it together.”

“I want that too,” Rey said, her voice trembling. ‘I’m sorry for what I said yesterday.”

“You were right,” Valara sighed. “Sometimes when I look at you I see the little girl who needed me, and who I failed to protect.”

“I still need you,” Rey said plaintively, tears forming. “I love you.”

Valara drew her into an embrace and Rey held onto her mother tightly, like she used to do when she was small and woke up from a nightmare. Valara would rock her in her arms and sing the lullaby that had stayed with her even when she’d lost her memory. The song about finding someone again, no matter how far away they were, or how long they’d been gone.

When she pulled back Valara was smiling more broadly than Rey had ever seen, and she laughed self-consciously, wiping away the tears that had spilled onto her cheeks.

“Now that’s what I like to see,” Luke’s voice came from the doorway, and Rey blushed as he entered the room. Finn was on his heels looking unsure of his welcome, so she jumped up to greet him with an embrace.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before,” he explained, holding onto Rey tightly. “I hadn’t completely decided until that moment what I was going to do.”

“I think you should go,” Rey told him as she pulled back. “It’s the right thing to do.”

“We’ll see each other again,” Finn’s dark eyes glistened as he repeated the words he somehow must have heard in his coma. “I believe that.”

Rey kissed him forcefully, not caring that her parents were close by, simply wanting to make every moment they had left together count. Thankfully Luke and Valara were at least pretending not to pay attention to them, since when Rey led Finn to the couch they were deep in conversation about how best to fight Snoke.

“I think we should take your advice Mum,” Rey said as she sat down. “And act cautiously.”

“Really?” Her mother looked shocked. “So what do you think we should do?”

“Well, while Finn and Poe are building the resistance on Coruscant, we should find out how Snoke was imprisoned the first time.”

“Always wanting to go back to Jakku,” Finn joked, rubbing her arm.

“At least it’s for a good reason now,” Rey grinned at him before turning back to her parents. “I’m trying to sort out Nellith’s memories in my head, maybe if I’m back there…”

“It’s a good idea,” Luke said. “I spoke to the other Jedi, they all want to fight with the Resistance forces, or at least help spread support for us against the First Order.”

“So you’re all leaving again?” Leia entered the room, and although her voice was light there was a note of sadness. “I’m trying hard to be surprised.”

“Leia.” Luke rose and embraced her as she crossed the room. “I promise, someday when all of this is over, we’ll all be together again.”

“No we won’t,” Leia pulled away with a pained expression. “Not all of us.”

Rey’s heart ached for her - to have lost Han and no guarantee that her son would ever come back to her must be an unimaginable hell, especially to see her brother reunited with his own family. But Leia had never shown any resentment, and Rey only hoped she could show the same strength in everything she did.

“There’s hope for Ben at least,” Luke said, leading his sister over the the group. “There’s conflict in him, I’ve felt it - a pull to the light he can’t ignore forever.”

“Do you really think so?” Rey asked, flexing her prosthetic hand.

Leia settled down beside her. “He’s my son, I won’t give up on him.”

“Of course,” Rey nodded and reached to grasp her aunt’s hand, hoping that she was right. Hoping that she had the key to defeating Snoke locked away in her mind, hoping that she truly would see Finn again, that none of them would die in the war to come, that she would become a Jedi worthy of her heritage, and live to see days of peace with her family.

* * *

   
Valara started the flight cycle of her X-Wing, and the sound of the ship whirring to life gave her thrill she’d not felt in decades. The controls were slightly different than she remembered, the Resistance had gifted her the latest model with all the improvements in technology that entailed - Luke, of course, had stayed loyal to the T-65 model they’d somehow found for him, and as Valara took off from the hangar into the starscape of space she saw him on her wing.

“I’m impressed you got that antique moving,” Valara teased him over the comm, and heard Luke’s answering laugh.

“You can’t beat a classic, V.” As if to prove his point he overtook her and barrel-rolled his ship. She pushed her own into acceleration, perching on his wing as he came out of the maneuver and for a few moments they flew in tandem - two X-Wings amid a starry sky, perfectly in tune with each other. It felt like coming full circle.

Of course neither used the ship they’d once shared, the X-Wing she’d flown on the mission to obtain the Death Star plans, and he to destroy it. That was crashed on Coruscant, she’d blown him out the sky and almost killed him - her husband who loved her more than anything, she’d shot him down in the ship they’d rebuilt together. But it was just a ship, she reminded herself, a collection of metal and bolts, one among thousands of wrecks that littered the galaxy. What it represented had not been destroyed - that was stronger than ever.

“I promised one day you’d fly again,” Luke said softly over the comm, and she felt him touch the back of her mind. She welcomed the caress, and returned it.

“You did,” she acknowledged, pulling her X-Wing into a spin. “And now I finally have the chance to outfly you, Red Five.”

Luke gave a hearty laugh, following her into the spin and pulling into his signature move, the Skywalker Swoop. “You can try, Rogue One.”

A Wookiee growl came through the comm as the Millennium Falcon came into view on the periphery.

“Chewie wants to remind you that this is an open comm,” Rey said, “so keep the flirting to a minimum, please.”

“Sorry Rey,” Luke answered with a smile in his voice. “You’re just going to have to get used to it.”

“Ugh,” she grumbled in response. “Finn, Poe, is it too late to come with you?”

Poe’s Black Squadron was flying in formation nearby, preparing to leave on their own mission to Coruscant. Of course it had a new member - Finn had joined the team and flew his own X-Wing. He’d quickly taken to it despite his lack of piloting experience, Valara had spent the last few days with him in the simulator giving him a crash course - of course her efforts had been somewhat hampered by Rey who quite understandably wanted to spend time with Finn before they went their separate ways. Valara had allowed them as much time alone as she could, although her main concern was giving Finn sufficient training for him to survive any battle they would encounter - so her daughter would see the man she loved again.

“Sorry Rey,” Poe’s easy voice came over the comm. “I’ve got your boyfriend now, and I’m not giving him up.”

Finn laughed. “I’ll see you on the other side of the war Rey, I promise.”

“I know.” Rey sounded as if she wanted to say more, but didn’t wish to do so with have the Resistance listening in. They’d all said their goodbyes earlier, just in case. Laisha and her partner were accompanying Black Squadron to Coruscant to aid the ground resistance and stormtrooper liberation, and while Valara was sad to separate so soon, she knew her place was with Luke and Rey - it had always had been.

“Time to go,” Luke said, as Artoo warbled in the background. “Poe, Finn, may the Force be with you.”

“Good luck, Skywalkers. What exactly is a group of Skywalkers called anyway?” Poe mused. “A murder of Skywalkers, a parliament of Skywalkers, oh I know, a flamboyance of Skywalkers!”

“A force of Skywalkers, surely,” Finn interjected.

“You know, I like the sound of that,” Rey said, and Valara wondered if one day Finn would take up the name as she had - but that was for when there was peace, when the battle was one. “I’ll see you on the other side, Finn.”

Black Squadron disappeared into hyperspace, and Valara reached out to her daughter in comfort, letting out a sigh of relief as Rey allowed her in.

“A force of Skywalkers huh?” Valara mused, pulling her own ship into formation alongside Luke’s and the Falcon. “Enough to destroy Snoke once and for all.”

“That’s right,” Rey said. “He only had to deal with one before, but with all of us? He doesn’t stand a chance.”

“Well as a wise man once said, overconfidence can be a weakness,” Luke spoke up. “Let’s not make it ours.”

“To Jakku then?” Valara asked, inputting the coordinates into the navcomputer.

“To Jakku,” Rey agreed, and Chewie roared his approval.

The stars swirled around Valara as she pushed her ship into hyperspace alongside Luke and Rey. She knew the battle ahead would be difficult, and it may be long, but at least they would be together, and surely together they would prevail.

A force of Skywalkers.


End file.
